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Chapter Text

Gordo was scared – terrified, even – to leave the base in his makeshift suit. He wasn’t expecting to survive, but he suited up anyway. He recalled the last time he had been on the moon, with Ed and Dani. He recalled losing his mind and trying to remove his helmet outside.

Now, he was willingly planning to go outside not only without his helmet, but without a proper suit at all. He and Tracy stood in the airlock. They were wrapped in multiple layers of duct tape, full face masks on top of their heads, ready to be pulled down.

But, this time, he hadn’t lost his mind. He wasn’t going crazy. He was thinking clearly. Thinking about the nuclear reactor that was quickly overheating. Thinking about all the lives that would be lost on the moon. Thinking about how uninhabitable the moon would be for centuries to come if the reactor melted down.

He had a choice. He knew he had a choice. He could try to find Commander Rossi or one of the others on the base. He could try to convince them to go outside in a duct tape suit to fix the reactor’s coolant system. He was sure he could find someone brave enough to do it. Brave enough to risk his or her life to save everyone else on the moon.

But he wouldn’t do that. He wasn’t the same person he had been when he was on the moon before. He wasn’t that weak-minded version of himself any longer. He would suck it up. He would act like a man. He would grow a pair and do what needed to be done.

But he wouldn’t do it alone.

Tracy was by his side, in her own duct tape suit. He didn’t want her to go with him. He didn’t think either of them could survive the trek outside, no matter how short it was. But he knew she was right. There was no way he could fix the entire coolant system on his own and return to the base before losing consciousness. With Tracy’s help, they stood a fighting chance of both of them surviving.

Gordo was making peace with the idea of dying. But Tracy was adamant that she wouldn’t tell their boys that there was a chance that their dad didn’t have to die. Tracy was going to help Gordo in order to give him his best chance at survival.

He loved her for that. She was the strongest, bravest person he had ever known, and he was glad to have her by his side in what might prove to be their final moments.

“You look fucking ridiculous,” Tracy said, looking him over.

Gordo smiled at her. “Take a look in the mirror.”

“Kidding me?” she said, grinning. “I make this suit sing.”

Gordo grinned and nodded. Then, his smile subsided. He looked at Tracy, thinking about their life together. Thinking about the decade they had lost. Longer, even, if he were being honest. He had lost her long before their divorce. Long before she had become an astronaut. He had lost her the moment he had stepped outside their marriage. Not just with the cheating but with the lying too. From the first time he had chosen not to be honest with her, he had lost her.

It was his only regret.

But they were there together again. They were standing side-by-side, about to save the moon and everyone on it. They were going to keep the space program alive. They were going to give hope to the future.

Despite everything he had done, despite everything that had happened between them, standing beside Tracy in that moment, Gordo felt content.

“I love you, Trace,” he said, eyes moistening with tears.

She looked at him, nodding slightly as she searched his eyes. “Yeah, I love you too, Gordo,” she whispered.

He nodded, his eyes burning with tears. Then, they both breathed deeply a few times. They exhaled all of the air out of their lungs and pulled their masks down. Gordo flipped the switch to depressurize the chamber. Then, they opened the airlock door and made a run for it.

They jumped off the platform onto the surface of the moon. They ran towards the coolant system. They had fifteen seconds. A quarter of a minute. But the heat of the sun and the pressure of the moon were already doing a number on the duct tape encasing both of them. Their makeshift suits were beginning to melt. Gordo felt the pressure of space closing in on him. His eyes ached, and he could feel his skin reacting to the temperature and pressure surrounding him.

He and Tracy made it to the coolant system, pulling open the doors. They fixed it together and ran back towards the airlock. Gordo felt like he was going to pass out. He fell to the surface, and Tracy helped him up. They kept going until she fell. Then, he helped her up. They made their way back up onto the platform and helped each other through the airlock.

Gordo reached up and flipped the switch to re-pressurize the chamber. His entire body hurt in a way he had never experienced before. He and Tracy sank to the floor, sitting back against the wall. They pulled off their masks, and Tracy leaned against him. He wrapped his right arm around her and took her hand with his left.

They both breathed. That was all they could do. Everything hurt. Everything else was too much effort.

But it was okay because they had done it. They had fixed the coolant system. The nuclear reactor was stabilizing. They had saved everyone else on the moon.

Gordo thought of the last time he had seen Ed and some of the last words his best friend had spoken to him.

I’m proud of you, man.

He didn’t believe he would ever see Ed again – or anyone else back on earth, for that matter – but he felt like he had finally done something to earn those words.

Gordo was in and out of consciousness when he heard the interior airlock door open. He didn’t know who was entering – if it was the Russians or his own crew. He couldn’t muster the strength to look up. Instead, he stared down at his duct tape-covered hand holding Tracy’s.

His eyes drifted closed and then open again. Three sets of legs approached quickly. Gordo and Tracy were being pulled apart as one of the men yelled for help. Two of them picked up Tracy and carried her out of the airlock. The other person waited until more help arrived. Then, three of them picked up Gordo and carried him out of the airlock as his eyes drifted closed.

When he re-opened them, he was on his back. The doctor was working on him. He couldn’t tell what she was doing, but he felt a chill wash over his body, wondering if she had removed his makeshift suit.

Tracy.

His eyes ached, and he wanted to close them again, but he forced them to stay open. He needed to find Tracy. He needed to know where she was.

He slowly turned his head to the left. It took a lot of effort, and it made his head, neck, and shoulders ache, but he pushed through the pain. He saw Tracy on a narrow bed beside him. Her duct tape suit and her shirt had been split down the middle and were hanging down from the side of the bed. Tracy lay motionless in just her bra up top. Someone was working to remove the duct tape from her lower half, and Gordo could feel that someone was doing the same to him.

Trace.

He tried to say it aloud, but no sound came out. With all the strength he could muster, he moved his arm out to the side. Tracy’s bed was close enough to his that he could rest his hand on it. He brushed her bare side with a knuckle.

There was a lot going on in the room. A lot of people working on both of them. A lot of poking and prodding and tending to their dying bodies.

But at the gentle touch Gordo gave her, Tracy opened her eyes. She slowly turned her head enough to look at him. Her face was bloody around her eyes and nose, and he wondered if he looked the same.

She slowly moved her hand and took his, holding it next to her on her bed. They continued to look at each other. Gordo stared into her blue eyes, feeling calm despite everything happening around them.

Gordo thought of his dad. He thought of those last moments, when his dad had been on his death bed, gasping for breath, eyes wide. He had looked terrified.

Gordo had been scared before going outside. But he wasn’t now. He was sure he was going to die – that he and Tracy both were – but he was no longer afraid.

He had gotten through his fear. He had returned to space. He was with Tracy, and they had done what they had needed to in order to save everyone else on the moon.

No, Gordo wasn’t afraid.

Gordo was at peace.

Chapter Text

Gordo blinked his eyes open. He squinted against the light before him.

Am I dead?

He wasn’t sure what he believed in anymore. God, heaven, hell, complete oblivion. He didn’t know what was waiting for him on the other side. But wherever he was now, it wasn’t oblivion. No, he was fully aware – aware enough, anyway. And from the pain in his body, he doubted it was heaven. He also doubted it was hell because he assumed, if it were real, he would feel a lot worse than he actually did.

So that left...something else. Somewhere else.

The moon, he thought suddenly. He remembered having been on the moon. He remembered going outside without a proper suit or helmet. Finally, he recalled the last thing he remembered before unconsciousness had taken him.

Tracy.

They had both been on beds in what he assumed had been the medical bay, holding hands as they lay dying side-by-side.

Gordo turned his head to his left to see if Tracy was still beside him. He saw her bed. He saw a blanket folded neatly on top of it. But Tracy wasn’t there.

Gordo groaned as he moved his head again, scanning the med bay. There was no sign of her.

“Trace,” he managed to whisper. He took a deep breath. His body hurt. His chest hurt. His lungs hurt. “Trace,” he said again, trying to call out. It came out as another whisper.

She’s gone, he thought, wondering what that meant. Had they moved her? He didn’t know where they would have moved her to. They had already been in the medical bay.

Unless…

Gordo’s eyes burned, not from the pressure of space that time, but from tears. With a shaky hand, Gordo grabbed the edge of the blanket draped over him and pulled it back, off his body. Moaning from the aching throughout his entire body, he sat up, realizing that he was in nothing but his underwear and a few bandages. A wave of dizziness washed over him, and he stared at the wall across the room until the spell subsided.

As he weakly slid his legs over the edge of the bed, the door to the med bay opened. The doctor walked in, hurrying to him.

“No, no, no. Captain, please lie back down.” She put her hands on his shoulders, but he brushed her off.

“Tracy,” he croaked, his throat dry. “Where’s Tracy?” He was on the verge of panic, but his body hurt so much that he wasn’t sure he could do anything about it.

“Gordo?”

He heard her voice before he saw her. Then, Tracy appeared next to the doctor.

“Tracy,” he breathed.

“What are you doing, you crazy man? Lay your ass back down.” The doctor stepped aside and let Tracy move over in front of Gordo.

“Trace.” Gordo’s eyes welled with tears, and then they were rolling down his cheeks. He reached out to her, and she stepped closer, wrapping her arms around him. Still seated on the edge of the bed, he wrapped his arm around her waist and rested his head against her chest. “Are you okay?” he asked.

“I’m okay,” she said, gently stroking his hair. “And you are going to be okay too. Right, doc?”

“Yes,” the doctor said with a smile. “You’re both going to be okay.”

Gordo was still leaning into Tracy as he said, “I woke up, and you were gone.”

“I had to pee,” she said, matter-of-fact. “Figures you’d wake up during the only two minutes I’m out of the room.”

“I thought…” He trailed off, swallowing down the panic that had risen in his chest and throat moments earlier. “I thought you had…”

“What? Died?” She scoffed. “Please. You can’t get rid of me that easily, Gordo.”

He took a deep breath, groaning against the ache in his chest.

“Let’s get you tucked back into bed,” Tracy said.

“I’m okay.”

“Gordo, lay your ass back down before I have to do something drastic like knock you out.”

Gordo felt a tug at the corners of his mouth. He took another deep breath and then removed his arm from Tracy’s waist. He let out a moan as he tried to lift his legs back up into the bed. Tracy helped, gently wrapping an arm around his legs and helping him get situated in bed again.

Gordo lay back, resting his head on the pillow. Tracy covered him with the blanket and then sat on the edge of the bed. She took his hand in hers, holding it tightly.

“Your vitals are all looking good, Captain,” the doctor said. She had a clipboard in hand and was checking the beeping bedside monitor that Gordo was hooked up to.

“How long have I been out?” he asked.

“Four and a half days.”

“Something else I beat you at,” Tracy said with a smirk.

Gordo smiled as well as he could. “I’m glad you did.”

“Once you’re feeling up to it,” the doctor began, “we’re going to send the two of you home.”

“Commander Rossi tried to get me to leave already,” Tracy said. “But I told him to fuck off. No way I’m leaving without you.”

Gordo’s smile grew. “You really do love me.”

Tracy rolled her eyes and let out a short chuckle. Then, she looked Gordo in the eyes. “Of course I do, you idiot.” Her eyes brimmed with tears as she softly added, “I never stopped.”

“That’s music to my ears.”

“You always did love a good tune.”

Gordo let out a soft sound that was half-chuckle and half-moan. Then, he said, “Danny. Jimmy. Do they know?”

“Yeah, they know.”

“How are they?”

“Worried, of course. But they’re strong boys.”

“Yeah.”

“But now I get to tell them that their daddy is awake and that we’re both coming home soon.”

“I should do it,” Gordo said, trying to sit up again.

Tracy let go of his hand and put both hands on his shoulders to keep him from getting up. “Gordo, I swear—”

“I want to tell them I’m okay.”

“Captain, please,” the doctor said. “You shouldn’t get up yet.”

“You said all my vitals look good.”

“They do,” she assured him. “But you still need to rest.”

Sighing, Gordo lay back. Tracy kept her hands on his shoulders as though she thought he might try to sit up again. Gordo reached up and put a hand over one of hers.

“Fine,” he said softly.

“Don’t worry,” Tracy said, taking his hand and moving it to the edge of the bed to hold it. “I’ll let them know.”

Gordo settled into the bed again, feeling a chill through his torso. The blanket had come down in his struggle to sit up a second time. He could see areas of his arms and torso covered in bandages. He assumed they were injuries from the effects of being outside on the moon without a proper spacesuit. He wondered if Tracy had similar injuries.

“Why are you allowed out of bed?” he asked.

“Because I’m an exceptional patient.”

“We were outside the same amount of time.”

“It affects everyone differently,” the doctor said. “Tracy’s injuries weren’t quite as severe as yours.”

“Guess I’m just in better shape than you,” Tracy teased.

Gordo smiled. “Guess so.” He paused. “Or I just duct-taped you way better than you duct-taped me.”

“Well, you’ve always had a knack for the kinky shit.”

Gordo let out a chuckle and then a groan. “Oh,” he uttered, putting a hand to his side where it throbbed. He felt a bandage beneath his palm. “Don’t make me laugh.”

Tracy smiled and put her hand over his. “Sorry.”

“So, did you have to cut off my duct tape suit?” he asked the doctor.

“I did,” the doctor said.

He hummed softly.

“They cut off mine too,” Tracy said.

“Man, we really rocked those suits,” Gordo said softly, with a small smile.

“We sure did.”

“I agree,” the doctor said. “You two saved a lot of lives in those suits.”

Gordo thought about that. He thought about everyone in Jamestown. He and Tracy had saved them all. Not only that, but they had also saved the Russians at Zvezda.

“The Russians,” he said, suddenly recalling that they had been in the Jamestown base. They had been the reason for the nuclear reactor overheating in the first place.

“They’re gone,” Tracy assured him, gently squeezing his hand. “The president is brokering some kind of peace treaty or something. Your girl really saved the day there.”

“My girl…?” Gordo said. Then, it hit him. “Dani?”

Tracy smiled. “Yeah.” Then, she told him what Dani had done, defying orders so that she could go through with the handshake in space with the Soviets.

Gordo smiled too, thinking about the last time he had been on the moon, with Dani and Ed. It felt like a lifetime ago, but he would never forget how Dani had risked her own safety and career to save Gordo from being sent to the shrinks and losing his ability to ever fly again.

“Dani has always been good at that,” Gordo said softly.

“What’s that?”

“Saving the day.”

Tracy nodded gently. She knew what Dani had done for Gordo a decade earlier. Shortly after arriving at Jamestown this time around, Gordo had told her everything. They both knew that it was because of Dani that Gordo had been able to return to the moon. It was because of Dani that he had been able to fix the coolant system and keep the nuclear reactor from melting down. Dani’s bravery ten years earlier was what had saved everyone on the moon now.

“I’m probably going to have to buy her a beer,” Gordo said with a smile.

Tracy chuckled. “Maybe two or three.”

Chapter Text

“I hear you got a promotion,” Ed said from behind the wheel of his car.

Gordo let out a short hum from the passenger seat. “That’s what they tell me.”

“Admiral Stevens,” Ed said, as though trying out the sound of it. “Who would have thought?”

Gordo chuckled. “Not me.”

“Me neither,” Tracy teased from the back seat. “But you really got your shit together these past few months.”

Gordo smiled. “Well, I guess you could say I found a purpose.”

Ed had picked up Gordo and Tracy from Ellington Field a few minutes earlier. Gordo had wanted to fly them home from the Cape in a T-38, but he hadn’t been allowed. He and Tracy had both been examined by the NASA flight surgeon in Florida, and they were told that they would need full physicals after healing to be cleared before getting into another cockpit. So, he and Tracy had gotten a couple seats on a cargo plane headed to Ellington.

“How are you two doing?” Ed asked.

“Good,” Gordo said. “I nearly kissed her before all hell broke loose at Jamestown.”

“I don’t think that’s what he meant, Gordo,” Tracy said.

Gordo grinned. “I know.” He didn’t need to turn around to look at her to know she was rolling her eyes.

Ed chuckled. “Well, it sounds like you’ve still got your sense of humor. That’s something.”

“Yeah. We’re fine,” Gordo said. “They wouldn’t let me fly home, though.”

“We have to get cleared by the flight surgeon before we can fly again,” Tracy added.

“Yeah, that’s routine,” Ed said.

“I’m fine, though,” Gordo insisted.

“You two went through a lot up there.”

“Doc wouldn’t have let us leave Jamestown if we weren’t okay.”

“Okay enough to catch a ride back to earth,” Tracy pointed out. “That doesn’t mean you should be in a cockpit.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Gordo said dismissively.

“You should give yourself time to heal, anyway,” Tracy added. “You can go for a physical after that.”

“I just want to go home and do nothing for an entire week,” Gordo said. “I don’t need medical clearance for that.”

“All right,” Tracy said. “But don’t expect me to wait on you hand and foot if your moon wounds start acting up.”

Gordo smirked. “When have I ever expected that?”

Tracy snorted.

“‘Moon wounds?’” Ed asked.

“Yeah,” Tracy said. “We got a lot of wounds from where our skin cells basically burst from being on the moon without spacesuits.”

“Shit,” Ed muttered.

Gordo looked at him. He could tell from Ed’s face that that wasn’t something he had considered before – exactly what types of injuries they had endured and the extent of them.

“We’ll have a lot of matching scars now,” Tracy said.

“We already do,” Gordo added. Then, he felt Tracy’s hand on his shoulder. He put his hand over hers and turned in his seat enough to look at her. She offered a small smile.

“But…” Ed began, trailing off for a moment. “You guys are okay, right?”

“Yeah. Just...sore, mostly. Exhausted. But we’ll be all right.”

“Of course,” Tracy said. “We Stevenses are a tough breed.”

Ed’s concerned expression morphed into a smile. “You got that right.”

Ed pulled into the driveway at Gordo’s house a few minutes later. They all got out of the car and walked across the lawn. The front door opened, and Jimmy hurried out, followed closely by Danny.

“Mom!” Jimmy cried. “Dad!” He went to Tracy first. She grimaced a little as Jimmy wrapped his arms around her tightly. Gordo knew she was in pain, but he also knew there was nothing in the world she wanted more than to hug her boys in that moment.

While Jimmy occupied Tracy, Danny walked over to Gordo.

“Come here,” Gordo said, and Danny hugged him. Danny’s forearm pressed against one of the wounds on Gordo’s back, but he repressed the moan that threatened to escape. He squeezed his elder son as tightly as he could, glad to be back home. Glad to have his family together again. Up at Jamestown, he hadn’t been sure he would ever see his boys again. And now that he was there with them, he never wanted to leave.

After a few moments, the boys switched, and Gordo hugged his younger son. When they parted, Gordo swiped the tears from his eyes.

“How you boys doing?” Tracy asked.

“Fine,” Jimmy said.

“Better now,” Danny added.

“Yeah,” Tracy whispered. “Me too.”

“Me three,” Gordo added.

“Let’s go inside,” Danny said.

“Okay, we’re right behind you,” Tracy said.

Gordo turned to face Ed who stood a few feet away. He had been silently watching the reunion. “You want to come in for a beer?”

“Yeah,” Ed said.

Gordo smiled and then turned to follow Tracy and the boys into the house. When they were all inside, they went to the living room, and Gordo saw a group of familiar faces standing around the space.

“Welcome home!” they all shouted in unison.

“What the hell is this?” Tracy said. Gordo could tell that she was equal parts surprised and touched. She looked at Ed who had followed them inside. “Admiral Baldwin, you knew about this and didn’t say anything?”

Ed smiled. “It was a classified operation.”

Gordo smiled, scanning the faces in the room. He immediately spotted Dani, alongside Molly Cobb and her husband, Ellen Wilson and her husband, Neil, Buzz, Karen, and Kelly. Even Margo Madison was there, much to Gordo’s surprise. He could see that, behind her glasses, her eyes were brimming with tears.

Gordo noticed that Sam Cleveland wasn’t there, but he hadn’t expected him to be. Tracy had talked to him on the phone while she and Gordo had been in Florida. Sam had flown overseas for business a few days earlier, once he knew that Tracy was going to be okay. He had planned to be back in plenty of time before her return to earth, but inclement weather had grounded his flight. He wasn’t due to return to Houston until later that night. Gordo wouldn’t admit it aloud, but he was glad.

“This is…” Gordo trailed off.

“Too much,” Tracy finished. “Y’all didn’t have to do this.”

“We wanted to,” Jimmy said.

“Yeah,” Danny added. “You deserve it.”

“We’ve got the grill going,” Jimmy added.

“You have the grill going?” Gordo asked. He was surprised that Jimmy had taken on that task.

“Well...they do,” he said, gesturing to Neil and Buzz.

“Well, that makes more sense,” Tracy teased.

Jimmy shook his head but smiled as Tracy pulled him close in a one-armed hug.

“Why don’t we all go back outside?” Karen said.

Everyone complied, slowly filing out of the living room. Before long, only Gordo, Ed, and Dani remained.

Dani smiled at Gordo and said, “Hi, Bob.”

Gordo chuckled softly. “Hi, Bob.”

“Hi, Bob,” Ed added from beside Gordo.

Dani walked over and pulled Gordo into a hug. She was gentle with him, almost tender, as though she knew what his body had been through and wanted to make sure not to hurt him.

“Welcome home, babe,” she said softly.

He hugged her, whispering, “Thanks, Dani.”

When she released him, the three of them joined everyone else in the back yard. Neil manned the grill while Buzz stood next to him with a beer in hand. Molly, Wayne, Karen, and Margo were seated around the outdoor table covered in a red tablecloth. Ellen and Larry stood chatting with Tracy by the unlit fire pit. Danny, Jimmy, and Kelly sat at one end of the pool. Jimmy had his legs folded up on the deck, but Danny and Kelly both had their pant legs rolled up with their legs dangling in the water.

There was a “Welcome Home” banner strung up between a tree and the house. Gordo recalled the last time that banner had been hung. It was when Danny had come home a few months earlier, dressed in his summer whites, and looking a lot like Gordo had at that age – fresh-faced, lanky, and confident.

“Stevens,” Buzz called from near the grill. Gordo turned to look, and Buzz waved him over.

Ed and Dani joined the group around the fire pit as Gordo walked over to the grill. He noted the burgers, hot dogs, and barbecued chicken sizzling above the fiery charcoal.

“How’s it feel being back?” Buzz asked.

“Damn good,” Gordo admitted with a smile.

“How’s it going over here?” Tracy asked, joining them. “You’re not burning those burgers now, are you, Neil?”

“Only if you like them still mooing,” he countered.

“No, thanks,” Tracy said. “Steak, on the other hand…”

“We’ve got those coming too,” he said.

“Damn, you boys went all out.”

“It wasn’t just us,” Neil said. “It was mostly Ed, Karen, and Jimmy, of course. Molly even brought the cake.”

“Molly, huh?” Tracy said, glancing to where she was still seated at the table. Tracy smiled.

“It’s not every day we get to celebrate true American heroes,” Neil said with a grin.

Gordo chuckled and shook his head. Ten years earlier, he would have reveled in the attention. But now, as much as he appreciated everyone’s praise and gratitude, it made him a little uncomfortable to accept it.

Neil clapped Gordo on the shoulder. Gordo let out a quiet moan.

“What’s wrong?” Neil said, eyeing him.

“Just a little sore.”

Neil quickly removed his hand. “Sorry, man.”

“Sore?” Buzz asked.

“Oh, you know. Just the wounds from my cells rupturing on the moon.”

“Shit,” Neil muttered, not unlike Ed had done in the car earlier.

Buzz waved a dismissive hand. Then, teasingly, he said, “So, your body practically exploded from walking on the moon without a suit to save everyone up there. Big deal.”

Gordo chuckled. “Tracy calls them our ‘moon wounds.’”

“Are you guys okay, though?” Neil asked.

“We’re fine,” Tracy said. Then, she smiled, adding, “And glad to be home.”

“Excuse me, Gordo. Tracy.”

Gordo turned to see Margo standing nearby.

“Hey,” Tracy said.

Margo clasped her hands in front of her body. Her focus bounced back and forth between Tracy and Gordo. She looked uncomfortable. “I can’t stay long. I just want—I just wanted to say…” She trailed off and readjusted her glasses on her face. Then, she cleared her throat and continued. “We are all truly grateful for what the two of you did up on the moon.”

“Well, thank you, Margo,” Tracy said.

Gordo nodded.

“I also wanted to let you know that—That there will be a ceremony. You know, for the two of you. Commending what you did up there. I’m fairly certain there will be some medals involved and that President Reagan will be there to present them.”

“Well,” Tracy began with a smirk. “That hardware is the real reason we did what we did up there,” she joked.

Gordo grinned, as did Buzz and Neil. Even Margo managed a small smile.

“All right,” Margo said, not cracking a smile. “I just wanted to let you know that. I should probably—I should get going.”

“Don’t be silly, Margo,” Tracy said. “It’s a party. Hang out for a while.”

Margo looked at Gordo and back at Tracy. “I don’t know. I—”

“Come on,” Tracy said, not giving her a chance to argue. “Let’s get you a drink.” Tracy stepped over to Margo and put an arm around her shoulders. “You look like you could use one.”

“I suppose…” Margo said, letting Tracy lead her away.

“That woman,” Buzz began in a whisper, once Margo was out of ear shot. “Is tightly wound.”

Gordo smiled. “But a damn good flight director.”

“Cheers to that,” Neil said, lifting the beer in his hand.

Chapter Text

“Speaking of cheers,” Ed said, walking up to Gordo, Neil, and Buzz. “I couldn’t help but notice you were without a drink, buddy boy.” He held out a beer to Gordo.

“Thanks.” Gordo cracked open the can and took a swig.

Ed nodded and took a pull from his own beer. “You want to go sit?” Ed asked.

“Sure.”

They walked over to the fire pit and sat down in two of the chairs around it.

“You good?” Ed asked. He watched his friend closely. He could see the heaviness of his eyelids.

“Yeah.”

“You sure? Because you said something in the car about being exhausted.”

“Mm.” Gordo offered a small smile. “I’ll probably sleep for a week.”

“Want me to run all these people out of here?”

“No,” Gordo said. “Not at all. This is…” Gordo trailed off and took a deep breath, letting it out audibly. He scanned the back yard, and Ed watched him look from person to person. “It’s nice.”

Ed nodded once. “Okay.”

“I didn’t think I’d see this again. You know?”

“What do you mean? See what?”

“This. My home. My back yard. My friends. My…” He trailed off. Ed could see Gordo’s Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed thickly. When he spoke again, it was in a whisper. “My boys.”

Ed studied Gordo closely, saying nothing. Gordo’s eyes glistened with tears, and Ed felt a pang of guilt over what had nearly come to pass.

Gordo took another deep, audible breath. “But here I am, right?” he said, having regained his composure.

Ed smiled gently. “Damn right.” He lifted his beer can, and Gordo did the same. They tapped them together and then drank.

They sat in comfortable silence for several minutes. Silence had never bothered Ed, and he assumed Gordo could use a little bit of peace and quiet after everything he had been through. So, they sat silently with their own thoughts, watching the back yard and everyone in it.

When Karen had first mentioned the party, Ed hadn’t been sure it was the best idea to have one the moment Gordo and Tracy returned to town. Granted, Ed and Karen weren’t on the best terms at the moment. They hadn’t yet dealt with their issues – with Karen cheating on him – and Ed found himself wanting to oppose everything she said and did.

But when she told him that Jimmy was the one who wanted to throw the party, Ed had stopped fighting it. Instead, he had gone to Gordo’s boys and told them that he would pick up their parents at Ellington when they returned and that he would help with the food and buy the beer and do whatever else they needed.

He still hadn’t been sure that Gordo would be up for a party the moment he got back home. But Ed figured after sending both of Danny’s and Jimmy’s parents to the moon to nearly die, that he owed them tremendously. Helping with the party was a very small start.

Ed spotted his daughter sitting by the pool with Jimmy. They were both seated right at the edge of the pool, cross-legged and facing each other. They were practically the same age, but Ed didn’t think anything had ever gone on between them. He didn’t think Kelly felt that way about Jimmy.

Danny, on the other hand, he wondered about. He was a little bit older than Kelly, handsome, and confident. He reminded Ed of a young Gordo, and that worried him a little bit.

He loved Gordo like a brother. He would do, literally, anything for Gordo. They were family.

But Gordo didn’t have the best track record with women. He could get them. He could keep them. But he had often had a wandering eye. Gordo had been through a lot in the past several years. His marriage had fallen apart, his drinking had become a problem, and he had spiraled into depression. Ed had tried to be there for him, tried to help pull him out of it. But Ed knew that Gordo had brought a lot of it on himself by cheating on Tracy. Not that he deserved what he had been through. But sometimes Gordo was his own worst enemy.

The past few months, however, while training for Jamestown 91, Gordo had turned a corner. He had started taking care of himself again, and Ed had witnessed his confidence returning. He had a renewed sense of purpose, and Ed was glad to see that he had taken to it well.

More than “well,” in fact. He had saved everyone on the moon. And he had been fully willing to sacrifice himself to do so.

Gordo was a different person now. A more sensible, more humble person. But Ed could see shades of the old Gordo in Danny. He could see that cocky look in Danny’s eye – maybe not as cocky as Gordo had once been, but it was still there. And Ed wasn’t blind to the way Kelly looked at Danny. He hoped it was just because Danny was in the Navy and Kelly had been yearning to head down that path as well. He would have to keep an eye on them, though. He would have to start taking notice of how she looked at Danny nowadays, now that Kelly would be going to Annapolis. Hopefully the stars in her eyes, where Danny was concerned, would disappear soon if they hadn’t already.

Ed continued scanning the back yard. He spotted Karen smoking near a tree by herself, her back to him. He wondered if it was just a regular cigarette or not. But then he remembered that Margo was there and assumed Karen wouldn’t risk being caught smoking marijuana by NASA’s flight director.

Ed watched his wife, a tightness forming in his chest. He didn’t know what was going to happen between them. He didn’t know if she wanted to separate or wanted a divorce or wanted to fix whatever was wrong between them. And the frustrating thing was that Ed didn’t even know what was wrong between them.

They had gone through a rough patch after Shane’s death, but Ed thought they had gotten through that. Like Karen had told Kelly, she was their heart transplant. Bringing her into their family had saved both Ed and Karen. He didn’t know where things had gone wrong after that.

Ed wanted to talk to Gordo about it, but he wouldn’t yet. He didn’t want to burden his friend with that kind of heaviness at his welcome home party. Besides, Ed wanted to think on the situation a little more. He wanted to talk to Karen. He wanted to figure out exactly how he felt – and how she felt – and what he wanted to say to her.

Ed watched as Danny approached Karen. He said something that Ed couldn’t possibly hear from across the yard. Then, Karen handed him her cigarette. He took a drag and handed it back, but she waved him off. He kept the cigarette but held it between his fingers at his side, not smoking. Danny was right in front of Karen, facing her. She folded her arms and turned to the side, so Ed could see her face. Danny said something to her, and she shook her head. Ed studied her expression. His vision wasn’t what it had been ten years ago – or even three years ago – but he could see that she looked upset.

He wondered why. He wondered what Danny Stevens could possibly be saying to her that would upset her. He wondered if it was about The Outpost. Ed knew that his wife had sold the bar. He had been a little bit surprised by it because the last time he had heard, she was just considering it. Evidently, somewhere along the way, she had made her decision without him. Not that he cared whether or not she kept the bar. She had his support in whatever she wanted to do, and if that included giving up the bar, then that was fine by him.

But perhaps Danny was upset that she was no longer the owner. Maybe he was afraid Sam Cleveland would make too many changes or run it into the ground. Ed had to admit, he had been mildly concerned about that himself until he realized that Sam wouldn’t want to drive away the astronauts. Ed assumed Sam would keep it mostly as it was because that was what drew the business. If the astronauts weren’t there, no one else would be there either.

But maybe Danny hadn’t come to that conclusion yet. Or maybe he had wanted a chance to buy it himself. Ed doubted the kid could afford it, but he and Karen probably could have worked out some kind of deal.

Ed wasn’t sure that was it, though. He knew his wife, and he knew her expressions. And the one she wore now wasn’t just from workplace stress. It was something different.

Ed didn’t have time to think about it very long before Buzz announced, “Food’s ready!”

Chapter Text

Karen stood by a tree in the Stevens back yard. She lit a cigarette and took a drag, letting out a heavy sigh. She didn’t know what she was doing there. She felt uncomfortable at the party. But she hadn’t wanted to not show. Tracy was her friend. They had known each other for years. She had been there for Tracy when she found out Gordo had been cheating on her. Tracy was there for Karen after Shane’s accident and...death. They had grown closer over the years, and she knew how close Tracy had come to dying on the moon.

Jimmy had come to her about throwing a welcome home party for Tracy and Gordo. Karen had been a little surprised because, despite babysitting him when he had been little, they hadn’t interacted much at all in recent years. Which was why Karen had to wonder if Danny had put Jimmy up to it.

Thinking of Danny made Karen’s stomach knot painfully. She didn’t know what she had been thinking. Danny was a sweet kid, if a little misguided. But he was still a kid. Legally an adult, sure, but mentally – emotionally – Danny was still so young.

She tried to rationalize away what had happened by blaming Danny for kissing her first. He had started it. He had opened that door. But she knew better. He was so young, so imprudent. He didn’t think before he acted. He simply felt and then did.

Karen, on the other hand, was a grown woman. With a husband. A husband she loved with all her heart but from whom she felt distance recently. She didn’t know why they were distant. She didn’t know if it was because he had had a new mission to focus on. Or because he had nearly been killed flying a T-38 and had had to eject over the gulf.

She and Kelly had waited, nerves fried, for Ed to walk through the door. To know that he was all right. It had nearly killed her all over again. She had gone through it once when Ed had been shot down in Korea. She hadn’t wanted to do it again. And she later found out that it hadn’t been for anything. It wasn’t a mission. It wasn’t because of NASA. It wasn’t because of the Navy. No, he had nearly died that time because he and Gordo had been practicing dogfighting, and Ed had been showing off with maneuvers his jet couldn’t handle.

It had been for nothing. She had nearly lost her husband...for nothing.

That was what it was. Part of it, anyway. That recklessness. That complete disregard for his own safety. His career in the Navy had been dangerous. His career at NASA was still dangerous. That was more than enough, in her opinion. He didn’t need to be so reckless in his free time. And the fact that he had been really upset her. Pissed her off, actually.

She hadn’t handled her feelings well, though. No, she had let Danny kiss her. She had let him come on to her. She had let herself have sex with him. Because she was upset with Ed.

But she hadn’t told Ed how she felt about his recklessness. She hadn’t shared those feelings with him. She had simply pushed them down, like she always did – like she always used to do – and had done something stupid instead.

“Hey, Karen.”

Karen closed her eyes for a moment, hoping he would go away. But she knew he wouldn’t. She sighed and opened her eyes, not looking at him.

“Hey, Danny.”

“Mind if I bum a smoke?”

She handed him the cigarette she had been smoking. He took a drag and held it out to her.

She waved him off, saying, “Keep it.”

“I still want to talk,” Danny began. “About what happened. What...we did.”

“No,” Karen said abruptly, folding her arms across her chest.

“Karen, I—”

“I said no, Danny. We don’t talk about it. We don’t do it again. You can’t be over here talking to me like this. Not here. Not anywhere. Ed is right over there.”

“We were coworkers,” Danny said. “It’s...not a big deal.”

“What do you mean, ‘It’s not a big deal?’ It’s a huge deal.”

“No, I…” He sighed softly. She wouldn’t look at him. “I just mean, everyone’s around. We’re out in the open. Nobody’s going to think anything of it. We worked together. It would be weird if we didn’t talk at a party we’re both at. That you’re at, at my house.”

“Danny, please,” Karen said, her voice clipped. “Just...go away.”

“Food’s ready!” Buzz shouted from the grill.

“Oh, thank God,” Karen said. She brushed past Danny without another word.

Chapter Text

After everyone had eaten, Dani and Molly brought out a cake and set it on the table. There was a knife and a bag of white plastic forks nearby.

“Now, what in the world is this?” Tracy said, walking over.

Gordo joined her, slipping his arm around her waist. They both stared down at the cake on the table. It was in the shape of and decorated to look like an astronaut, with the mirrored sun visor down. Written in blue icing at the bottom of the cake was “Thanks for saving the moon, Stevenses.”

Gordo chuckled beside her. “That astronaut should really be wrapped in duct tape.”

“Yeah, we looked nothing like this while saving the moon,” Tracy said with a grin.

“Do you want the damn cake or not?” Molly asked.

“Of course,” Tracy said. “I plan on eating this cake like the sun ate away at our duct tape suits on the moon.”

There were a lot of chuckles and groans at her dark joke. Gordo smiled gently and shook his head. Tracy knew it wasn’t funny. Not really. She and Gordo had nearly died. She had been prepared for it, mentally, and she was sure Gordo had been too. But that didn’t mean she wanted to die. That didn’t mean she never wanted to see her friends or children again. What had happened had been terrifying. What had happened had nearly ended their lives. She could see that that was weighing on Gordo a bit, but Tracy needed to make light. She needed to joke. She needed to live in the present moment, surrounded by her friends and family, appreciating the fact that she could still make dark, inappropriate jokes.

“Good God, Stevens,” Molly said, slicing a knife down through the cake. She was cutting the cake into misshapen pieces and putting them on separate dessert plates.

“Just thought y’all might want to live vicariously through us,” Tracy said with an unaffected grin.

“I don’t think they need all the gory details, Trace,” Gordo said from beside her.

“I mean, y’all have been wondering all evening about it, right? I thought I’d save some time and stop beating around the bush.”

“That’s…” Danny began, staring at her.

Suddenly, she regretted having been so candid about what had happened on the moon.

But then Danny continued. “Rad,” he said. “That’s rad.”

Tracy chuckled and everyone else did too. “For that,” she began. She picked up a plate with a piece of cake on it and handed it to her older son. “You deserve the first piece.”

He smiled and took the plate.

“Eat up, everyone,” Tracy said. She picked up two plates of cake and handed one to Gordo. Then, she got them a couple of forks and gestured towards the fire pit. They walked over and sat down.

After cake, the party-goers began to dwindle. Margo left first, right after Molly had cut the cake. She had refused a piece at first, but Karen had convinced her to take it with her. Neil and Buzz left next, followed by Molly, Wayne, Ellen, and Larry.

As the sun set, the rest of them – Tracy’s family, the Baldwins, and Dani – sat around the fire pit, which Gordo lit.

“Did your suits really melt?” Kelly asked.

Tracy looked at her.

“Honey,” Karen said, “they probably don’t want to talk about that kind of stuff.”

“No, it’s okay,” Tracy said. “It happened, right?” She looked at Gordo who was looking back at her. He offered a small smile, and she took that as his approval to go on. Not that she needed it, but she didn’t want to make him – or anyone – uncomfortable, no matter how candid she had been earlier.

“So,” Kelly prodded. “Did they?”

Tracy nodded. “Yeah,” she said gently. “They did.”

“Holy shit,” Kelly said.

“Kelly,” Karen urged.

Kelly looked at her mom. “Sorry, but…” She trailed off, shaking her head. She leaned forward in her chair, looking back and forth between Tracy and Gordo. “How did you even survive that? I mean, they were suits made of duct tape.”

“Well,” Tracy began, recalling the trek she and Gordo had made out of the airlock at Jamestown.

It had only been fifteen seconds, but it had felt a lot longer. The duct tape had begun to melt. She remembered seeing pieces of it hanging off of Gordo’s makeshift suit and damning herself for not putting more on him. They had both been completely covered, but she knew that she had been covered more than Gordo. He had insisted on that. Once they both had full duct tape suits on, he had used what was left of the duct tape on her. She knew that was why she had recovered more quickly, and why she wasn’t in as much pain as Gordo was now. She both loved and hated him for protecting her that way. Because she hated to see him in pain.

Finally, with a smile, Tracy said, “We ran fast.”

Kelly shook her head, eyes wide in disbelief.

“Good thing you took up jogging, buddy,” Ed said, grinning at Gordo.

“Yeah.” Gordo chuckled softly.

Tracy was glad to see that Gordo no longer winced every time he laughed.

“I don’t think I would’ve made it otherwise,” Gordo added.

“Yeah,” Tracy said. “No way I could’ve carried your ass back to the airlock. No matter how much weight you’ve lost.”

Gordo grinned.

“Seriously, though,” Danny began. “What...was it like? Jokes aside. What really happened?”

“Jokes aside?” Tracy said with a teasing smile. “I didn’t agree to that.”

“Mom,” Danny said, not sharing in her teasing.

Tracy looked at Gordo. “You want to take this?” she asked.

Gordo looked at her for a long moment. Then, he let his gaze wander to the fire. He stared into the flames, but she doubted he was seeing them. She assumed he was reliving that day – those fifteen seconds – on the moon.

“Terrifying,” Gordo said quietly. “Fucking terrifying.”

“Because you thought you were going to die?” Jimmy asked. His voice was small and timid. He sounded scared, and Tracy wanted to walk over to him and pull him into a hug.

“No.” Gordo shook his head, still staring into the fire. “Because I thought everyone was going to die.” He looked back and forth between Jimmy and Danny. “Everyone up there.” Gordo took his time. Other than the sound of the crackling fire and the chirp of crickets nearby, the back yard was silent. Everyone watched Gordo, hanging on his every word. “If we hadn’t done what we did, that’s exactly what would have happened.”

“So, you…” Danny began. He stopped, and Tracy could tell that he was choked up. “So, you two were going to sacrifice yourselves?” He looked back and forth between Gordo and Tracy. “To save everyone else.”

Gordo looked at Tracy then. She could see the orange flames reflecting in his tear-filled eyes. He was still looking at Tracy when he answered their son. “Yeah,” he whispered.

Gordo’s arm was on the arm of the chair. Tracy reached across the narrow gap between them and put her hand on top of his. He turned his hand over, and they intertwined their fingers.

“Yeah, we were,” Tracy agreed quietly. Soberly.

“Holy shit,” Jimmy uttered, his voice breaking a little.

Tracy looked at him and could see tears on his cheeks. Her heart broke.

Chapter Text

It was after midnight, and Gordo and the boys were seated on the living room couch. Tracy had gone to the kitchen for a drink. Ed’s family and Dani had left a couple hours earlier. Gordo sat forward, carefully removing his hooded sweatshirt. He had been wearing it since he had arrived at the Cape more than twenty-four hours earlier. He let out a couple small groans as he gingerly removed the sweatshirt from his body and set it aside on the couch.

“You okay, Dad?” Danny asked.

Gordo let out a short hum as he sat back. “Yeah.” He offered a small smile. “I’m fine.”

He looked at his kids who eyed his newly exposed forearms now that he was in just a t-shirt. He had stitches closing up wounds on each elbow – six in his left and five in his right – and a fresh scar just above his right wrist. His stitches there had been removed at the Cape the night before. He had also had stitches already removed from his back, chest, hip, and legs. The NASA flight surgeon at Cape Kennedy had advised him to wait two or three more days before having the stitches at his joints removed.

“Do those...hurt?” Jimmy asked.

Gordo looked down at the stitches in his left elbow. “A little.”

“Just a little?” Danny asked skeptically.

“They’ll be fine soon.” Gordo smiled gently. “I can get the rest of the stitches out in a couple days.”

“How…” Jimmy trailed off.

“How, what?” Gordo prodded gently. He wanted Jimmy to ask whatever he was thinking. He didn’t want to keep anything from his kids, not if they were curious about it. Especially since they had almost lost both of their parents. He assumed they needed time to adjust to that.

“How...many…”

“Wounds?” Gordo finished.

Jimmy nodded.

“Almost a dozen, I think.”

“Shit.”

Gordo watched his boys, letting them process.

“Mom too?” Jimmy asked.

Gordo nodded. “But we’re okay.”

“You don’t...seem okay,” Danny said.

“What do you mean?” Gordo asked.

“You just...seem different.”

Gordo hummed softly, thinking that over. He supposed he was different, in a way. He had never come so close to dying before. Of leaving his life. His friends. His children.

“It’s just been a long, trying few days.” Gordo paused. “Your mom and I just need a little time to readjust.”

“To...life on earth?” Danny asked.

Gordo nodded. “And probably a good night’s sleep or two.”

“Okay,” Jimmy said.

“We’ll be okay, though,” Gordo assured both of them. He offered a small smile, hoping that would help. “But speaking of needing a good night’s sleep, you boys should probably start heading that way.”

“Dad, we’re not children.”

“Actually, I’m beat,” Danny chimed in. “These last few days have been...exhausting.”

Gordo nodded, knowing exactly what Danny meant. The boys had grown exhausted waiting to hear how their parents were doing. Waiting to hear if they were going to live or die. Waiting to hear how bad their injuries were. Waiting to hear when, or if, they were going to come home. Waiting for them to return to earth and then to Houston. Gordo knew the kind of stress that caused, and he felt guilty for putting his kids through it.

“Get some sleep, boys,” Gordo said. He leaned forward and slowly got to his feet.

Danny got up too. Jimmy hesitated but then joined them.

“Bring it in,” Gordo said, outstretching both arms.

They walked to him from opposite ends of the couch, and they all hugged.

“Is...this okay?” Jimmy asked. His hold on Gordo was loose and timid.

“It’s fine, buddy. I’m not going to break.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You’re not.” Gordo smiled. “And if you were, it would be worth it.”

When they released the hug, they all said goodnight. Jimmy gave Gordo a long look and then turned towards the doorway just as Tracy re-entered the room.

“Where you boys going?” Tracy asked. She had a blue salad bowl in one hand, a glass of water in the other, and a second glass of water tucked between her arm and body.

“Bed,” Danny answered. He took the glasses of water from her and set them on the coffee table.

“Thanks,” Tracy said.

“We can stay, though,” Jimmy offered. “If...you want.”

Tracy glanced at Gordo and then smiled at the boys. “No. You two get some sleep.”

Gordo sat down on the couch again as the boys gave their mom a hug.

“You’re staying over tonight, right?” Jimmy asked.

“Oh,” Tracy said as though she hadn’t thought about it. She glanced at Gordo and then back at Jimmy.

Before she could respond, Gordo said, “Of course, she is.”

Tracy looked at him, a question in her eyes.

“It’s after midnight,” he said. “You’re exhausted. We’re all exhausted.”

“Okay,” she said. Then, to the boys, she added, “I guess I’m staying.”

Jimmy smiled a little. The boys told her goodnight and disappeared into the hallway.

Tracy approached the couch with the salad bowl in her hand. As she sat down beside Gordo, he could see that the bowl was filled with orange Cheez Balls.

“Oh,” he groaned. “What did you do?”

She chuckled. “You didn’t eat much during the party, so…” She trailed off as she set the bowl gently in his lap. “I know how much you love these.”

He smiled and put a hand to his stomach. It had shrunk significantly since the last time he had had Cheez Balls. “I’ve backed off of these a lot in the past few months.”

“Well, then, you’re due for some indulging.”

He chuckled and shook his head. He remembered a time when he had eaten those Cheez Balls nearly every day. It had been his go-to snack for several years, and during his more intense bouts of depression, he would just leave a bag out on the coffee table and eat on it for a few days whenever he felt upset or stressed or pretty much any emotion he couldn’t handle. Somehow, loose Cheez Balls would always end up scattered on the floor and on the coffee table.

Tracy reached into the bowl and scooped up a few Cheez Balls, popping one into her mouth.

He smiled, watching her. “How are you doing?”

“I’m okay,” she said. “You?”

Gordo let out a short, soft hum. “About the same.”

Tracy finished the Cheez Balls in her hand. Then, she said, “I just keep thinking about the looks on their faces when we showed up today.”

“Danny and Jimmy?”

Tracy nodded. Then, she looked at him and quietly said, “We almost orphaned them, Gordo.”

Gordo sighed, feeling a pang of guilt in his stomach. “Yeah.” He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “They’re tough kids, though.”

“But that’s the thing, Gordo. They shouldn’t have to be that tough.”

Gordo nodded. He knew exactly how she felt. But they had done what needed to be done in order to save the moon and everyone on it. If the coolant system hadn’t been fixed, they would have died anyway. By choosing to go out in their makeshift suits, they had given everyone, including themselves, a fighting chance. And it had worked.

“Thankfully,” Gordo began, “they don’t have to be that tough.” She was seated less than six inches away from him. He reached over and took her hand, holding it on her thigh. “We’re here now.”

“The doc was pretty adamant about it – if we had been out there any longer, even a few more seconds, we wouldn’t have survived.”

“Like Ed said, it’s a good thing I took up jogging, huh?”

Tracy smiled. “Yeah. Year-ago Gordo never would have made it back in time.”

“Year-ago Gordo couldn’t even fit into his jumpsuit,” he pointed out with a smile.

Tracy chuckled. “Well, current Gordo wears it pretty well.”

“Current Gordo,” he began with a smile, “is glad you’re here with him.”

She smiled back at him, and he removed his hand from hers. He slid his arm around her shoulders, and she leaned against him.

“Are you going to help me eat any of these?” she asked, taking a Cheez Ball from the bowl.

Gordo smiled and took a few. As he ate, he said, “You know, these are a big reason why I put on so much weight before.”

“I think all the beer you were drinking had something to do with that as well.”

Gordo grinned. “True. But you’ll have only yourself to blame if I get hooked on these again. Future Gordo may not fit into his jumpsuit either.”

“There are worse things,” Tracy said, unfazed.

He chuckled, and she shifted to look up at him. He glanced at her lips but didn’t lean in. He had tried that at Jamestown, and she had denied him. He didn’t want to pressure her.

But then she looked at his lips too. She leaned in, pressing hers gently against his. Electricity surged throughout his entire body, reminding him of the day they had met, as well as the few years thereafter before things had fallen apart for them.

“Do you remember our first kiss?” he whispered when they parted.

Tracy let out a short chuckle. “Of course.” She paused and then, with a grin, added, “You were a cocky son of a bitch back then.”

Gordo laughed.

“I loved that, though. You were so confident. So sure of yourself.”

Gordo smiled. “Yeah.”

“I like this version of you too, though.”

“What version is that?” he asked, genuinely curious as to how she saw him now.

“Re-confident,” Tracy began. “But a little more humble.”

Gordo smiled. He liked that assessment. “Losing you made me...re-evaluate some things.”

They gave each other a long look. He leaned in, and she didn’t back away. He took a deep breath and then kissed her gently. She pressed her lips against his, reaching up to gently caress his cheek.

When they parted again, he said, “You can take the bed tonight. I’ll camp out right here.”

Tracy studied his eyes for several moments. Finally, she said, “Why don’t we both take the bed?”

He grinned, but before he had a chance to comment, she continued.

“Just to sleep, though. Don’t get any ideas, Mr. Handsy.”

He chuckled. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

Chapter Text

Jimmy sat on the couch, leaning forward with his forearms on his knees. He had been awake for nearly three hours and hadn’t yet seen either of his parents.

Jimmy didn’t think he was a worrier by nature. In fact, over a lot of things, he probably didn’t worry enough – like his grades or college or getting a job. But when it came to his family, it was different. His brother was in the Navy, and both of his parents were astronauts. They all had jobs that could – and sometimes did – prove to be dangerous.

His parents being astronauts was something he had grown up with. He didn’t usually find himself worrying excessively over his parents when they went on missions to space and the moon because those kinds of missions had been a part of his world for pretty much his entire life.

But the last mission was different.

Both of his parents had been gone at the same time, up on the moon. It was just him and Danny at home, which had been fine. They could take care of themselves. That wasn’t a problem.

But when they had gotten the call that Russians had stormed Jamestown, that the nuclear reactor had been melting down, and that their parents had gone outside on the moon without spacesuits, Jimmy had thought that that was it. That that was the end. He had been sure that both of his parents were going to die.

Updates had come in slowly from Molly Cobb and Margo Madison at Johnson Space Center. They had been the last ones to speak with Jimmy’s parents before they had gone outside on the moon, and Jimmy assumed they felt a personal responsibility to keep him and his brother informed.

During the first call, he and Danny had been told that their parents were in bad shape. That they were heroes, though, and had saved everyone on the moon. That hadn’t provided much – or any – comfort to Jimmy. All he had heard was that his parents weren’t doing well.

The next call came through eight hours later, informing them that their mom’s vitals were improving.

“What about my dad?” Jimmy had asked.

Margo had hesitated. Jimmy thought she might beat around the bush, provide him with hopeful commentary, but she didn’t. Instead, she had simply said, “He’s the same.”

“Is he going to die?”

“We can’t say for certain right now. He’s in critical but stable condition, but his body endured a lot while he was outside.”

“So, he might die.”

“I’m sorry, Jimmy,” Margo had said. “I know it’s difficult news to hear, but I don’t want to lie to you.”

“Thanks,” Jimmy had muttered. He appreciated the honesty, but it hadn’t made the news any easier to swallow.

The next call came ten hours later, in the middle of the night. Jimmy had fallen asleep on the couch and jumped up when he heard the phone ringing. He was terrified that a phone call in the middle of the night could only mean one thing: at least one of his parents had died. But then he figured that NASA would have waited until morning and sent someone over to tell him and Danny in person.

Instead of the horrible news he had first expected, Molly Cobb had informed him that his mom was awake and that her vitals were looking much better.

“Your dad’s improving as well,” she had added before Jimmy had had a chance to ask.

She told him that his dad hadn’t woken up yet but that he was responding to treatment and his condition was no longer critical.

After hanging up, Jimmy went to Danny’s bedroom and woke him up to tell him the latest.

They continued to receive updates every six to ten hours until three days had passed. According to Molly and Margo, their mom was doing well, giving the Jamestown doctor a hard time because she wanted to get out of the med bay and call her sons. That had made Jimmy smile because that sounded like his mom. If she was acting like her normal self, he assumed that she really was doing better.

His dad, on the other hand, was slower to heal. Margo had mentioned, during an earlier phone call, that his dad's exposure to the heat and lack of pressure on the moon had been worse than the exposure Jimmy's mom had endured. That was why his dad had been in worse condition and was taking longer to heal.

But the important part was that he was healing. The Jamestown doctor was confident that Jimmy’s dad would be okay. With every update, the hope Jimmy felt for his parents’ survival and return home grew.

Eighty-five hours after the initial incident, Jimmy and Danny got a surprise call on the video comm in the living room. Jimmy answered, shocked and relieved to see his mom’s face. She looked pale and exhausted, and her eyes looked as though a few capillaries had burst, but she was there. Alive. And she was smiling.

“Boy, are you two a sight for, literally, sore eyes, or what?” she had said.

Jimmy had chuckled, swiping away a tear that threatened to escape his eye. She assured him and Danny that she was going to be okay and that their dad was doing better. He hadn’t woken up yet, but the Jamestown doctor was certain that he would and that he would be okay.

It was a full day before they got another video call from their mom, informing them that their dad was awake and already feeling feisty, trying to get out of bed against the doctor’s orders.

Another day passed before their dad appeared on the video comm alongside their mom. He looked exhausted too, with the same bloodshot eyes as their mom. And he looked thin. He had lost a lot of weight before going on his mission, but Jimmy thought he looked even thinner than when he had left earth. But he was there. Also alive. Also smiling.

Jimmy had asked when they were coming home. His dad said that the doctor wanted to keep him there for a couple more days, to make sure he was well enough to travel back to earth.

That was when Jimmy had gotten the idea to throw the welcome home party for his parents. He had never thrown a party before and didn’t know where to start. He had asked Mrs. Baldwin to help because she had a lot of experience with throwing parties and barbecues and get-togethers. He had been going to them his whole life with his family. Mrs. Baldwin had been more than willing to help, taking over the logistical side of things after Jimmy had told her his ideas. Admiral Baldwin had even offered his help.

A week and a half after the incident on the moon, his parents had arrived home, and Jimmy had never felt more relieved in his life.

But now, as he sat on the couch, he still worried about them. His dad was sore and exhausted, and Jimmy felt bad for setting up a party for the day his parents got home. He hadn’t thought that one through, and even though his parents had seemed grateful, Jimmy felt like he should have waited until they were both a little more settled in. A belated welcome home party would have been just fine.

It was going on noon, the day after his parents’ return, and they had yet to show themselves. Neither had slept on the couch, and he assumed they were both in the bedroom.

“What’s wrong?”

Jimmy looked up from his seat on the couch. Danny slowly walked into the living room, looking at him with a furrowed brow.

“Do you think they’re okay?” Jimmy asked.

“Mom and Dad? Yeah, they’re fine. Why?”

“Because they almost died on the moon, dummy.”

“Almost,” Danny stressed. “But they’re on the mend.”

“It’s almost noon, and they’re not awake. Maybe…”

“Maybe what?”

“Maybe we should check on them. You know, just to make sure they’re all right.”

“No way I’m walking into that bedroom.”

Jimmy rolled his eyes. “It’s not like they’re doing anything. Mom’s married to Sam.”

Danny snorted. “Sure.”

“What?”

Danny shook his head. “Nothing.”

“Come on,” Jimmy insisted. “I don’t want to do it alone.”

“You want me to be scarred for life too?”

“I just—What if they’re not okay?” Jimmy looked at his brother, eyes pleading. “Please. I don’t want to go in there alone.”

Danny let out an audible, exasperated sigh. But then he said, “Fine. But you go in first and make sure they’re...decent...and let me know.”

“Whatever,” Jimmy said, getting to his feet.

They left the living room and went down the hall to their dad’s closed bedroom door. Jimmy tried the knob – unlocked – and turned it. He walked in slowly, quietly. He approached the bed. Their parents were both there, under the blanket. Their eyes were closed, and Jimmy felt a jolt of nerves course through his stomach.

“Just go over there,” Danny whispered.

“Shut up.” Jimmy walked to the nearest side of the bed, where his mom lay. He hovered over the bed, trying to determine if she was breathing or not. He leaned in close and could hear the faint sound of her breath. He felt relief wash over him. He looked at Danny who stood at the foot of the bed. “Is Dad breathing?” he whispered.

Danny slowly walked to their dad’s side of the bed and looked down at him. Jimmy looked at their dad too. From where he stood, he couldn’t tell. Danny leaned down towards their dad for a long moment, and then he looked at Jimmy and nodded.

Jimmy let out a relieved sigh.

“Let’s go,” Danny whispered.

Jimmy nodded. He was about to turn to leave the room with Danny when his mom jolted. He jumped, startled.

Her eyes were wide, looking up at him. “Jimmy, what in the hell…? What’s wrong?”

“We were just—We wanted to check on you guys.”

“Oh. Why? What time is it?”

“Almost noon,” Jimmy told her.

“Shit,” his mom uttered. She shifted to look at the clock on the night stand. “Wow.”

“Are you okay?” Jimmy asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine, honey.” She settled back into bed and reached out, taking his hand.

“Is Dad?” Jimmy asked, looking at his dad. He hadn’t moved since Jimmy and Danny had entered the room.

“Yeah, he’s okay.” She smiled gently up at him.

“Okay,” Jimmy said. “I’m sorry I woke you.”

His mom shook her head. “That’s okay, baby. It’s sweet of you to check on us.”

Jimmy offered a small smile.

“We’ll be out in a little while, all right?” his mom said.

“Okay.” He turned to leave, and his mom let go of his hand. Danny was already by the door, and they exited together.

“Satisfied?” Danny asked.

Jimmy closed the door behind them. “For now.”

Chapter Text

Ed walked down the hallway from his bedroom. Kelly’s bedroom door was closed, but he could hear Tom Petty playing from within. He walked out into the living room and saw Karen in the kitchen, bustling about. He assumed she was fixing lunch.

Ed walked into the kitchen without a word and went to the refrigerator. He pulled out a beer and closed the refrigerator door harder than he needed to. He noticed that Karen tensed at the counter. Ed opened the beer and took a drink, going to the kitchen table to sit. The newspaper was laid out where he had set it earlier that morning, alongside his reading glasses. He put them on.

He could feel Karen’s eyes on him, so he looked over at her. She stood with a knife in hand, a cutting board of diced vegetables on the counter in front of her.

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing,” she said, returning her attention to the onions and green peppers on the cutting board. “I just don’t normally see you drink beer in the middle of the day.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t normally have a wife who cheats on me,” he said. It had just come out, but he regretted it. As angry and as hurt as he was, he knew that wasn’t the mature way to discuss what had happened. But Ed didn’t feel like being mature. He felt like sulking and drinking a beer before lunch.

“Real nice,” Karen said.

Ed grunted and opened the newspaper. He had skimmed a full page before either spoke again.

“We need to talk about it,” Karen said.

Ed stared down at the newspaper, not seeing it. “Who is he?” Ed asked.

Karen sighed. “That...really doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me,” Ed snapped, slamming a hand down on the tabletop.

Karen looked at him, eyes a little wider than normal. “Look, I understand that you’re upset.”

Ed chuckled wryly and closed the newspaper. “I don’t get it, Karen.” He stood up, walking over to the counter. “I thought you were happy. I thought we both were. I don’t understand why you did this.”

Karen set the knife down and sighed again. “Ed, I—”

“You know what?” Ed began, holding a hand up, palm out, to stop her. “I’m not asking.”

“Ed…”

He shook his head. “I don’t want to know.” He took off his reading glasses and turned around, tossing them back onto the kitchen table. “I’m going for a drive.”

“Ed, we need to talk about this.”

“No, we don’t.”

“We can’t deal with this if you won’t talk about it.”

“Yeah, well—Maybe I don’t want to deal with it.”

“Ed.”

“Not right now, anyway.”

“When?”

He shook his head, walking towards the door. “When I’m damn good and ready.”

Without another word from either of them, Ed went to the garage and fired up his Corvette, revving the engine before peeling out of the garage, down the driveway, and into the street.

Chapter Text

When Gordo awoke, his first thought was that he was still on the moon, in the med bay. But then he blinked the sleep from his eyes, his bedroom back home in Houston coming into focus. He took a deep breath, relief washing over him as he allowed his muscles to relax.

He was home. He was with his boys again. He was alive.

He reached up with both hands, scrubbing his palms over his face. He felt groggy, like his head was in a fog. But he also felt more rested than he had in a week and a half – since the incident at Jamestown. He turned his head to the left, noticing that Tracy was gone. He hoped that she was still at the house.

With everything that had happened lately, they hadn’t had a chance to talk properly about the two of them. Gordo wasn’t sure what Tracy was thinking. How she felt. Of course, she was still married to Sam Cleveland, but Gordo had confessed his feelings to her. He had expressed his intentions – he wanted her back. He wanted to be with her. He wanted them and their boys to be a family again.

When he had confessed his feelings to her in the Jamestown airlock over a shared cigarette, she hadn’t told him he was too late. She hadn’t told him she didn’t want to be with him. She had told him, “Catch me if you can.” Gordo was bound and determined to do just that.

He threw the blanket back and sat up, sliding his legs over the edge of the bed. He let out a quiet moan as he stretched. His body was tired. His muscles were fatigued. His “moon wounds” were still tender. But he felt okay, considering. He felt much better than even the day before.

He checked his watch on his wrist: 12:23. Gordo blinked a few times, staring at the time, trying to determine if he really had slept for nearly twelve hours. He could remember sleeping that long only once before in his life: a few years earlier when he had gotten the flu right after Tracy had officially ended things with him. With the illness and his spiral into depression, he had spent nearly the entire day in bed.

But he wasn’t sick now. He was on the mend. And Tracy hadn’t just left him. In fact, she had spent the night beside him in bed.

Gordo got up. After a trip to the bathroom, he returned to the bedroom and went to his closet. He changed out of the clothes he had slept in, pulling on a clean pair of underwear and a white undershirt. He stepped into a pair of brown pants and pulled on a lightweight tan sweater. He appraised his appearance in the mirror.

He had owned the pants and sweater for a few years. But now, instead of the fabric of the sweater fitting snugly and stretching around his belly, it fit him well, even leaving a little room to move. And the waistband of his pants no longer dug into his flesh.

Leading up to his launch, Gordo had spent months getting back in shape. He had taken up jogging and pulled out the stationary bike, dumbbells, and other exercise equipment. He had cut back significantly on the beer and Cheez Balls and other snacks he knew he shouldn’t be eating. He had steadily slimmed down and built up his stamina.

By the time his launch rolled around, Gordo had been in pretty good shape. He hadn’t quite made it down to his pre-divorce weight, but he had gotten close. After his injuries on the moon and spending so much time in the med bay at Jamestown, he guessed that he was within five pounds of what he had weighed before the divorce.

Once he was fully dressed, Gordo left the bedroom. He walked down the hall, hearing the voices of his boys...and Tracy. He smiled as he rounded the corner to the living room, spotting his ex-wife sitting on the couch with their boys.

“Hey,” he said.

They all looked up.

“Hey,” Tracy said. “How you feeling?”

He took a deep breath and nodded. “Good. Better.”

“Yeah?” Jimmy asked. His eyes were wide with concern.

“Yeah.” Gordo gave him a reassuring smile. “I really needed that sleep.”

“Good,” Jimmy said, his expression returning to a more neutral one.

“I can’t believe it’s almost one in the afternoon.”

Tracy smiled and patted the cushion beside her. “Come, sit.”

Gordo walked over and sat down next to her. The hooded sweatshirt he had left on the couch the night before was still draped over the back of the couch.

“I can go pick up breakfast,” Danny offered. Then, he corrected, saying, “Or lunch, I guess.”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” Gordo said.

“We talked about making something for you,” Jimmy began. “But…”

Tracy chuckled. “Yeah. You boys do have your daddy’s cooking skills.”

Gordo grinned.

“Yeah,” Danny agreed, getting to his feet. “So, I’ll go get some food. I’ll be back soon.”

“Thanks, buddy,” Gordo said.

When Danny returned with the food, they took it out on the back patio. They sat around the cloth-covered table and ate. Gordo thought about one of the last times that the four of them had sat around that table. It was during Danny’s welcome home party. Gordo had grilled steaks, and they had all sat around talking and laughing.

Gordo had been a little disappointed when Tracy had left early to return to her home with Sam. And he had been even more disappointed when both of his boys had left to hang out with their friends. He hadn’t said anything, of course. Instead, he had encouraged them to go.

That was the night he had later gone to The Outpost and gotten hammered. Ed had stopped by, and they had gone for a walk, where Gordo had ended up crying on the side of the road. The next day, Ed had assigned him to Jamestown 91.

Gordo had been terrified at the time. He had told himself – and Ed – that he wasn’t going to return to the moon. It wouldn’t happen. He wouldn’t do it. He couldn’t.

Gordo now knew that Ed had known exactly what he was doing at the time. Ed knew that Gordo needed a purpose. He needed to be doing something with his life, instead of going around speaking at different clubs in the area about the “good old days” of living on the moon. He needed to be living in the now. And by sending Gordo back to the moon, Ed was insuring that that was exactly what he would be doing.

And it was what Gordo had done.

Gordo didn’t know what was next for him, but he was okay with that. He just wanted to heal and spend some time with his boys and Tracy. He didn’t feel like a shadow or a ghost of the person he used to be. He wasn’t afraid this time, returning from the moon. The nation – and world – was calling him a hero. Him and Tracy. He didn’t readily accept that term. He was only doing what he felt had to be done. But he did feel like he had done something worthwhile. He had done something with meaning. Mentally, he was in a very different place than the last time he had returned from Jamestown.

“Jimmy, help me with this,” Danny said, pushing his chair back from the table. He started to clean up and Jimmy joined him.

“You boys don’t have to do that,” Tracy said. “Your dad and I—”

“Don’t be silly, Mom,” Danny said. “We got it.”

Gordo watched his boys clear the table and take everything back inside the house. He looked at Tracy and smiled.

“Wow,” Tracy said once the boys had disappeared inside. “Who knew all it took was the two of us nearly dying on the moon for them to clean up without being asked?”

Gordo chuckled. “You think they missed us?”

“A little bit. Yeah. Maybe.”

They both laughed.

When their laughter subsided, Gordo admired Tracy for a moment. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail and she wore no makeup.

She gave him a look. “What?”

He smiled. “You’ve never looked more beautiful.”

She smirked and smoothed a hand over her hair, self-consciously. “Please. I haven’t showered in days.”

His smile widened. “I mean it.”

“Well, that’s sweet of you to say, Gordo.”

“And if you want to take a shower, feel free. I could use one too.” He grinned suggestively.

“Gordo,” she said, shaking her head but smiling. “I swear.”

He chuckled. They held each other’s gaze for a long moment. Then, softly, he said, “Stay.”

She took a deep breath, her shoulders rising and falling heavily. “I need to go back home. I left a message for Sam on the machine last night, but I haven’t even talked to him since we were in Florida. He should be back home by now.”

“You don’t have to go,” he said. “You can just keep staying here.”

“I am married, you know,” she said as though he might’ve forgotten.

“Yet, you still have my last name,” he said with a smile.

“And my kids’ last name,” she pointed out.

He chuckled. “Yeah. I’m sure that’s the reason you kept it.”

Tracy smiled, not confirming nor denying it. She pushed back her chair and got to her feet. Gordo did the same.

“I’ll call you later, okay?” she said.

“Or,” Gordo began, slowly walking over to her. “Just come back when you’re done breaking things off with Sam.”

Tracy smiled again and shook her head.

Gordo grinned.

“Come here,” she said, pulling him into a hug. “And wipe that big, dumb smile off your face.”

He chuckled, wrapping his arms around her. They hugged for several moments before Gordo softly said, “You know, we haven’t been apart since that night.”

“That night you tried to seduce me with a song and mouthwash wine?” Tracy said, releasing him.

Gordo smiled. “Yeah.”

She took another deep breath and nodded. “I know.” She looked up into his eyes for a long time before speaking again. Softly, she said, “I’ll see you soon, Gordo.”

Not soon enough, Gordo thought but didn’t say. Instead, he just smiled and nodded. As she walked towards the house, he watched her go. Before she went through the sliding glass door, he called to her. “Tell Sam I enjoyed sleeping with his wife last night.”

Tracy turned to look at him, standing half in and half out of the doorway. “Yeah, I won’t be doing that,” she said with a smirk.

Gordo chuckled.

Tracy smiled. “Take it easy, Gordo.”

He watched her disappear into the house. When she was out of sight, he whispered, “You too, Trace.”

Chapter Text

Tracy sat in the passenger seat beside Karen. After leaving Gordo on the back patio, Tracy had called Karen, asking her to pick her up. She could have asked Gordo to take her back home, but she didn’t want to rub it in Gordo’s face that she was going back to her husband. And she didn’t want to rub it in Sam’s face that she had spent the night at Gordo’s. She thought it would just be easier, and less drama, to have Karen give her a ride instead.

Tracy was inside her own head, and Karen seemed to sense that. Or, maybe, Karen was preoccupied herself. Tracy couldn’t tell. But after their initial greetings, the ride was a quiet one.

Tracy felt like it was a little silly, but she already missed Gordo and the boys. It wasn’t so silly that she missed the boys – she had only seen them for a few hours the night before and a few more hours that afternoon. But she and Gordo had spent the last week and a half by each other’s sides. Not to mention all the time they had spent together on the moon before that.

Nevertheless, it felt like a part of her was...missing, in a sense. She wasn’t sure what it meant. She and Gordo had been through a lot together in the past few days. They had nearly died together. And then survived together. And then traveled home from the moon together. She felt at home at Gordo’s. It had been her home too for many years before their divorce, but it wasn’t just about the house itself. It was Danny and Jimmy and Gordo. They were her home.

Tracy cringed internally. She knew she shouldn’t be thinking that – the part about Gordo, anyway. Sam was her husband. She lived with him now. Sam should be the one to feel like home to her.

She did love Sam. He was a good man who was there for her and treated her right.

But Gordo was, well, Gordo.

He was familiar. And comfortable. Even when he was making stupid jokes and flirting with her and confessing his feelings for her even though she was married to Sam, Tracy didn’t mind. It didn’t bother her. She still loved Gordo too. But their relationship was complicated.

When Tracy and Gordo had first met, they were all passion, all the time. Their romance was fiery. Their love-making was fiery. Everything about their relationship had heat to it. Gordo was confident – cocky, even – and he had always acted as though he were on top of the damn world. Tracy had appreciated that back then. For a while, at least. Until she had begun to suspect that Gordo was straying from their marriage.

Tracy had always been the dutiful housewife, doing everything for Gordo and his career. By the time she had found out, for sure, about his indiscretions, it was too late. She was in too deep. Her entire life revolved around Gordo. So, when Deke had come to her with an offer to become an astronaut candidate, Tracy had seized the opportunity.

Starting her own career as an astronaut was exactly what she had needed. She had needed something of her own. Something that didn’t revolve solely around her husband, despite the fact that, suddenly, they both worked at the same place.

Gordo had had Apollo 15 taken away from him. He had found himself at home, taking care of their house and kids. And she knew he didn’t like it. Not because he didn’t want to help with the kids or the house but because Tracy was out there, on her own, creating a new dream that she was quickly achieving.

She knew Gordo was envious. And a part of her reveled in it. That was when Tracy realized that it was the beginning of the end for their marriage. Because he was envious of her instead of supportive – and because she was enjoying him being upset – she knew that their marriage wouldn’t last much longer. They were no longer on each other’s side. They no longer had each other’s backs. They no longer put each other, and their family as a whole, first.

They had hung on a few more years, after Gordo’s return from the moon. But Tracy hadn’t been happy, and neither had Gordo. There was just too much tension between them. Too much hurt. Tracy didn’t trust him to be faithful to her or put her first, and Gordo seemed as though he didn’t trust Tracy either. Not that he thought she would be unfaithful, but he didn’t talk to her about the important things. After his initial revelation that he was seeing a psychiatrist, he never mentioned it again.

That was the way the remainder of their marriage had gone, until finally, Tracy had filed for divorce. A seventeen year relationship had just gone straight down the drain.

Gordo had spiraled after that. She knew he had. But she wasn’t responsible for him any longer. She didn’t want to be. She had gone off to live her own life and to be her own person. She had discovered a freedom that she had never known before. She didn’t have to be at Gordo’s beck and call. She didn’t have to live by the rules for a dutiful astronaut wife.

She was the astronaut.

She traveled a lot. She went on talk shows and did advertising campaigns. And she eventually met Sam Cleveland.

Sam was good to her. He didn’t cheat on her. He didn’t lie to her. Tracy had even gotten sort of used to his luxurious lifestyle. Not that she needed it, but it was there to be enjoyed, and that was what she did.

But then everything changed.

Ed had assigned Gordo to Jamestown 91. He was returning to the moon. Tracy had thought it was ridiculous at first. Gordo hadn’t been to space in nearly ten years. He was depressed and overweight, and he was drinking too much. He had spiraled for years after their divorce, and Tracy, honestly, had not expected him to get his shit together enough to go on the mission.

But he had.

When he had shown up at Jamestown, Tracy had been surprised. Surprised by how fit he looked. Surprised by how happy he looked. Surprised by how forthcoming and honest he was being with her.

He had confessed his feelings for her. He had confessed that the thought of losing her was what had caused him to lose his mind on the moon the first time around. He had confessed that he wanted her back. He had confessed that he wouldn’t be happy again until he was back with her.

Tracy had felt a bit of fire in her stomach at his confession. She had seen shades of the old Gordo in that moment – confident, passionate, determined – and she would be lying if she said she didn’t enjoy it.

They had reconnected at Jamestown. Gordo was...Gordo again. The Gordo she had fallen in love with. The Gordo she had been with before all the lying and cheating had begun. But something about him was more appealing now. Even though he had regained his confidence, he was more humble. More gentle. He realized what he had lost – what he had thrown away – and he knew he had made a massive mistake.

Tracy could see that Gordo had matured and grown emotionally in the past few months before his launch. It was like something had finally clicked for him.

Tracy hadn’t decided what to do, though. She loved Sam. But she would always love Gordo too. And if he really had changed – if he really was the person he appeared to be now – she knew that, if she let herself, she could fall in love with him all over again.

She wouldn’t tell Gordo that, though. Not yet. That was exactly what he wanted. And he was already pushing hard for her to take him back. She didn’t find it bothersome, though. In fact, she kind of liked it. She liked his newfound confidence. She liked that he knew what he wanted and was going after it.

But even more than all of that, she liked the idea of their family becoming whole again.

She wasn’t sure, though. She needed to talk to Sam. To see Sam. She needed time to think about it all. And she needed to do that away from Gordo. She had been with him for days. They had endured so much together, and she wanted to make sure that her re-developing feelings weren’t solely because of what they had been through together at Jamestown.

The car stopped, and Tracy blinked away her thoughts. She didn’t realize they had arrived at her house.

“You okay?” Karen asked.

Tracy nodded. “Yeah. Just...thinking. Sorry I wasn’t great company.”

“That’s all right. I wasn’t really either.”

Tracy looked at her, wondering what was on her mind. But Karen looked out the windshield, her expression tight as though she didn’t want to discuss it.

“All right,” Tracy began. “Well, thanks for the ride.”

“Of course,” Karen said, looking at her then. “Let me know if you need anything else.”

“Thanks, Karen.”

Tracy got out of the car and walked up to the house. Sam opened the door before Tracy got inside.

“There you are,” he said with a smile.

Tracy returned the smile and walked to him. He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her off her feet. He carried her inside and set her down and then closed the door behind him.

Tracy rolled her shoulder back, feeling a bit of discomfort from one of her wounds. She was healing well, but her wounds were still tender.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah. Just these damn moon wounds.”

He frowned, looking her over.

“They’re just—They’re wounds we got from being outside without a suit.”

Sam nodded, his brow knitting together in concern. “Are you okay? I mean, they said you were okay.”

“Yeah,” Tracy said. “I’ll be fine.”

“Do you want a drink? Or something to eat?”

Tracy shook her head. “I ate at Gordo’s.”

Sam looked at her for a long moment and then nodded slowly. “Right. Gordo’s.”

“Yeah.” She furrowed her brow, wondering if he had gotten her message. “I told you I was staying over there last night.”

“Yeah. I heard it on the machine.”

She nodded.

“Why did you stay there?” he asked. She could hear the jealous tinge to his voice. Not that she could blame him. It had been her first night back on earth in months, and she had spent it at her ex-husband’s house. “Why not come back home?”

“It was late,” Tracy said. “I was exhausted. Besides, would you rather me have come back here to stay alone?”

“You wouldn’t have been alone,” Sam said. “I got back home last night.”

“Oh. I wasn’t sure if you’d make it. And the boys wanted me to stay over, anyway.”

“Your boys wanted you to stay?”

“Yeah.”

“And what about Gordo?”

Tracy sighed quietly. The tension between them was not what she had been hoping for when arriving home. But she knew she should have expected it. “What about him, Sam?”

“Did he want you to stay too?”

“Are we really going to talk about Gordo?”

“It seems like you’re avoiding the question.”

Tracy let out an exasperated sigh, not trying to hide her annoyance at all. “Yes, Sam, Gordo wanted me to stay the night.”

“And you can honestly tell me that the only reason you wanted to stay was because your boys wanted you to?”

“No. I can’t tell you that. I wanted to stay because it was late and I was tired. And because Gordo and I went through something together that literally no one else on earth or the moon or anywhere else in the universe could ever fully understand.”

Sam watched her, his expression softening. Tracy could see a question in his eyes, but he didn’t ask it. She wondered if it was about Gordo again. About how she felt about him or if she wanted to be with him. She was glad he didn’t ask it because she wasn’t sure how to answer.

“Is this interrogation over?” Tracy asked finally. “Can I go sit the fuck down? It’s been a long couple of weeks.”

Sam sighed quietly. “I’m sorry.”

Tracy nodded and turned away, heading towards the study.

Chapter Text

“What are your plans for the day?” Gordo asked his boys.

Tracy had left thirty minutes earlier, headed back home to be with Sam. Gordo tried not to think about it too much. He knew Tracy was mulling over their situation and her feelings for both him and Sam. But sometimes it was a lot easier to stay married than to upend one’s entire life to get divorced. Gordo knew that all too well. Otherwise, he and Tracy would have gotten divorced several years before they actually had. Gordo was pretty sure that Sam was treating Tracy a lot better than Gordo had, which meant Gordo needed to be convincing. He needed to show Tracy who he was now – that he was more loving and honest and responsible. That he wouldn’t hurt her again, like he had done so many times in the past.

But he knew he needed to give Tracy time. All he could do was let her know how he felt, and he had done that. She needed to consider her options, on her own, without him flirting with her and them cuddling together on the couch and sleeping next to each other in bed. He had to let her be for a while. He just hoped that she would come back to him. And soon.

“No plans,” Jimmy said, pulling Gordo from his thoughts.

They were all seated on the living room couch.

“I’ve got a shift,” Danny said.

“Still working at The Outpost?”

Danny nodded. “Yeah. Sam said I have a job there for as long as I’d like.”

“That’s good,” Gordo said. Of course, he knew it was, but until that moment, Gordo hadn’t given much thought to Sam’s new ownership of The Outpost. Sam was now his son’s boss. And the owner of the bar that Gordo and all of his friends and colleagues frequented. Whether Tracy stayed with Sam or left him for Gordo, visiting the bar could prove to be awkward for all of them. Gordo didn’t want to find a new bar. He would have to deal with it, either way. He just hoped, because Sam was loaded and could afford to hire out, that he wouldn’t be present at the bar very often.

“Is that weird?” Danny asked.

Gordo looked at him. “Hm?”

“Me...still working at The Outpost.”

“No, of course not.”

“You sure? Because now that Sam owns it…”

“It’s fine,” Gordo assured him. He was sure it would be okay, despite any awkwardness that may present itself. Another thought entered his mind. “But shouldn’t you be back at Annapolis by now?”

“They gave me leave through next week. You know, because of…”

“Mm. Right. Everything going on with your mom and me.”

“Yeah.”

Gordo nodded. He was glad that his boys had been home together while everything had been going on. While everything had been so uncertain. He was glad neither of them had had to deal with it alone. He looked at his younger boy. “Jimmy, no friends you want to go hang out with today?”

Jimmy shook his head. “I thought I’d just stay home today.”

Danny scoffed and shook his head.

“What?” Gordo asked.

“He’s just—He wants to stay home with you.”

“Shut up,” Jimmy said, annoyance in his voice.

“Oh,” Gordo said. “What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing,” Danny said. “He’s just freaked out that you’re going to suddenly die or something.”

“Shut up,” Jimmy urged.

Gordo furrowed his brow, looking at Jimmy. “Is that true?”

Jimmy stared down at his hands which were fidgeting in his lap. He scoffed and shook his head in frustration.

“Hey,” Gordo said, sitting forward and resting his forearms on his knees. “Jimmy, I’m fine, okay? I’m not going to die. Your mom and I are both on the mend.”

“Yeah,” Jimmy said quietly. “I know.”

“We both got clean bills of health from the Jamestown doctor and the flight surgeon at the Cape.”

Jimmy nodded, still staring at his hands.

Gordo sighed softly. He felt guilty. Sad. “I know you boys had a rough time while we were gone. After the incident—That couldn’t have been easy.”

Danny nodded a little, but neither boy spoke.

“I get it. Your mom and I—We both signed up for this. You two didn’t.” He paused before softly saying, “I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry we put you through that.”

“We don’t blame you for that,” Danny said.

Gordo looked at him. Danny’s brow was furrowed, and he was giving Gordo a look as though to say that blaming him and their mom would have been ridiculous.

“It’s okay if you do. Whatever you’re feeling…” He looked at Jimmy. “It’s okay.”

They were all quiet for a few moments, and then Jimmy said, “We thought you were going to die.”

Gordo nodded slowly. “I know.”

“They couldn’t tell us anything at first. At least, nothing good. They were just talking about what you did and what...heroes you are.” Jimmy swallowed hard. “They acted like you both were going to die.”

Gordo put a palm to his mouth. His eyes stung. The guilt he felt expanded in his chest.

“We waited hours to find out anything else. We were sure you were going to die.” Jimmy glanced at his brother. “At least, I was.”

Gordo lowered his hand, softly saying, “I’m so sorry.”

“And then Mom was okay, but they didn’t think you would be, and…”

Gordo could see light reflecting off the tears in his younger son’s eyes.

“It’s just…” Jimmy began, but his voice cracked. He turned his head away and swiped at his eyes.

“Jimmy,” Gordo said gently.

Jimmy sniffled once, composing himself. “It’s just been me and you here.”

“What do you mean?”

“Mom’s off with Sam and in LA and doing whatever the hell Mom does. And Danny was off doing his Navy thing. It was just the two of us here for a long time.”

Gordo nodded. He understood. Jimmy felt closer to Gordo than anyone else in their family, and he had almost lost that relationship.

Gordo stood up and stepped over to the other section of the couch where Jimmy sat. “Come here.”

Jimmy sniffled, not looking at him. But then he stood up, and Gordo pulled him into a hug.

“I’m sorry,” Gordo whispered. Then, a little more loudly, he said, “Danny, come here.”

A moment later, Danny joined them, and Gordo wrapped an arm around him as well.

“I’m sorry I put you both through that,” Gordo said softly.

They hugged for a few more moments and then released. Gordo swiped at his eyes, and Jimmy did the same. Danny blinked back the tears Gordo could see forming in his eyes.

“I get it,” Jimmy said. “I know.”

“What?” Gordo asked.

“You’re an astronaut. Mom’s an astronaut. I get that. And I’m—What you did up there…” Jimmy shook his head, making a face like he couldn’t find the words. “I didn’t want to say anything.”

“Why not?” Gordo asked. “You can tell me anything.”

“I just—I don’t want you to feel guilty.”

Gordo sighed softly. He did feel guilty. He felt selfish. A part of him felt like he never should have gone back to the moon. Leaving both of their boys alone, on earth, without either of their parents, had been selfish of him.

“No, I shouldn’t have left. Not while your mom was still up there.”

“No,” Jimmy insisted. “That’s not—This is why I didn’t want to say anything.” He exhaled heavily. He shook his head and started to leave.

“Whoa, Jimmy. Wait.”

Jimmy stopped and turned to look at him.

“It’s okay,” Gordo assured him. “Believe me, I already felt…” He trailed off. “Nothing you’ve said is making me feel guilty, Jimmy. I promise you that.”

“But you do,” Jimmy said. “Feel guilty.”

Gordo opened his mouth to speak but then closed it again and sighed instead.

“See?” Jimmy said.

“It’s the nature of the job,” Danny said, as though Jimmy didn’t understand that.

“I know that,” Jimmy snapped at him.

“Mom and Dad are astronauts. They should be able to go on missions without feeling guilty about it.”

“I know that,” Jimmy repeated, his voice growing in volume.

“Boys,” Gordo interjected.

“Then, why are you—”

“You’re the one who brought it up, Danny,” Jimmy practically yelled. “I was just going to stay home, but you had to tell him that I was afraid he was going to die.”

“Well, you are,” Danny yelled back.

“Hey,” Gordo said. “Okay. That’s enough.”

Jimmy shook his head and walked out of the room, swiping at his eyes as he went.

“Jimmy,” Gordo called after him.

Jimmy disappeared into the hallway. Gordo sighed and looked at Danny.

“He acts like he doesn’t know what you guys do,” Danny said with a scoff.

“He knows,” Gordo said gently. “He was just scared.”

“But you’re both back now. And you’re fine.”

“I know that. But those feelings don’t just go away, Danny. Believe me. I know all about lingering fear. He just needs some time, and...you’re not helping by making him feel bad about it.”

Danny frowned, lowering his gaze. He reminded Gordo of when Danny was a little kid and would get into trouble – the way he would avert his eyes when he felt shame.

“I’m sorry, Dad.”

“I know.” Gordo reached out and squeezed Danny’s shoulder. “It’s all right.”

Danny lifted his eyes again, looking at Gordo.

“Just give him some time, Danny. Please.”

Danny nodded. “Okay.”

“Thank you.”

Danny was quiet for a few moments before he said, “I should get going. My shift starts soon.”

As they said goodbye, Danny apologized again for being hard on his brother. Gordo told him to tell Jimmy that the next time they talked. Danny said he would and then left for The Outpost.

Gordo went to Jimmy’s bedroom door and knocked.

“Yeah?” Jimmy called from inside.

Gordo opened the door. Jimmy was seated on his bed with his headphones on and a notebook against his bent knees. He pulled the headphones down and let them hang around his neck.

“You okay?” Gordo asked.

Jimmy nodded. “He just...gets on my nerves.”

Gordo smiled gently. “Brothers do that.”

“I guess.”

Gordo walked over and stood at the foot of Jimmy’s bed. He rubbed his right thumb and forefinger together for a few moments before speaking. “You’re right.”

Jimmy gave him a questioning look.

“I do feel guilty. I can’t help that. Just like you can’t help feeling scared.” He paused before adding, “And that’s okay.”

Jimmy nodded, letting his gaze fall to the blanket beside him. “I just don’t—I don’t want that to influence anything.”

Gordo furrowed his brow. “You mean, like, whether or not your mom and I go back to space?”

Jimmy nodded again without looking up.

“So,” Gordo began. “You’d be okay with that? Us going back to space?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Jimmy said. “I mean, maybe not anytime soon. But sure. I know it’s what you guys do.”

Gordo felt a smile tug at the corners of his mouth. “You’re a brave kid, you know that?”

Jimmy looked at him, a small smile forming.

“Don’t worry. I don’t plan to go back up anytime soon. I’m going to stay earthside for a while.”

“Good,” Jimmy said.

Gordo smiled. He watched Jimmy for a moment and then asked, “Do you want to go to a movie?”

Jimmy hesitated, and Gordo thought he would say no. But then, he smiled a little and asked, “Can we go to the arcade instead?”

Gordo grinned. “Even better. Let’s go.”

Chapter Text

Dani got out of her car and closed the door. As she reached the sidewalk in front of The Outpost, she heard a familiar voice call her name.

She turned to see Gordo strolling up the sidewalk in a tan polo shirt and dark brown pants. He looked slim, and even though she had known him for years before he had gained weight, she had gotten used to seeing him on the heavier side over the past several years. It still surprised her to see him lean again.

Dani smiled. “Hey.”

Gordo smiled too. As he reached her, she opened her arms, and they embraced.

“How you doing, babe?” she asked when they parted.

“Good,” he said. “Good. You?”

“I’m great. Excited to get the gang back together.”

He smiled and nodded. “Shall we?” he asked, gesturing towards the door to The Outpost.

“Let’s do it.”

Gordo opened the door and held it for her and then followed her inside. She scanned the bar, her gaze landing on the booth they always sat at. Ed was already there with a beer bottle in front of him.

Dani walked over and smiled when Ed looked up. “Hi, Bob,” she said.

“Hi, Bob,” Ed said with a grin.

“Hi, Bob,” Gordo finished. He slid into the booth across from Ed, and Dani slid in beside him.

Ed flagged down Danny Stevens behind the bar. He brought two more beers, setting them in front of Gordo and Dani.

“Thanks, buddy,” Gordo said to his son. When Danny left again, Gordo scanned the room. “I can’t believe Karen sold this place.” He paused before adding, “And to Sam Cleveland, of all people.”

“She’s ready for a change, I guess,” Ed said.

“You guess?” Dani asked.

Ed shrugged.

Dani and Gordo exchanged glances. Gordo seemed as confused as Dani felt.

“Didn’t she discuss it with you?” Gordo asked.

Ed shook his head. “This is her baby. Was her baby. She can do whatever she wants with it.”

“Well, sure,” Gordo said. “But don’t you two usually talk about things like this first?”

“Sometimes,” Ed uttered. He wouldn’t look either of them in the eye, and Dani wondered what was going on between him and Karen.

The question hung in the air until Gordo finally asked, “Are you two...okay?”

Ed made a face before finally saying, “I don’t know.”

Dani and Gordo glanced at each other again. Gordo still looked just as confused as Dani, and she was a little surprised that Ed hadn’t shared with Gordo whatever was going on between him and Karen. But then she assumed that Ed probably hadn’t wanted to burden Gordo with it right after returning home from such a traumatic mission.

“What’s going on, buddy?” Gordo asked.

Ed stared down at the table. He scratched at the side of his nose. Finally, he said, “It’s just—We’re just going through a rough spot.”

“Rough, how?” Dani asked.

“It’s nothing,” Ed said quickly. “It’s just—We’ll be fine.”

Dani watched Ed closely. She wasn’t sure she believed what he was saying, but she also wasn’t sure how much to press him on it.

“Well, we’re here,” Gordo said. “If you want to talk about it.”

“Yeah,” Dani agreed.

Ed nodded. He was quiet for a few moments, and Dani wondered if he would tell them what was going on. Instead, he looked back and forth between them and offered a smile, saying, “I’d rather talk about you two and the hell of a mission you both had.”

Gordo smiled gently.

“All right,” Dani said, letting Ed change the subject. “Well, in that case, I’d like to make a toast.” She lifted her beer bottle, and Gordo and Ed did the same. “To good friends. To successful missions.” She paused before adding, “And to making it back home.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Gordo said.

They all clinked their bottles together and took a swig.

“Speaking of successful missions,” Ed began with a grin. “What’s all this talk I hear about the amazing Danielle Poole defying orders up there?”

Dani smiled. “Hey, my mission was to do the handshake. Nothing was going to stop me from doing it.”

Ed chuckled. “Damn right.”

“You really saved the day,” Gordo added.

Dani waved him off. “I don’t know about that.”

“No, you did,” Gordo insisted. “Because of that handshake, the president and the Russians struck a deal, and the Soviets left Jamestown. A lot more people probably would have died if not for you, Dani.”

“Me?” Dani said. “What about you and Tracy?”

Gordo offered a small, modest smile, lowering his gaze to the tabletop.

“If not for you two,” Dani said, “everyone up on the moon would be dead.”

“And Shackleton would be uninhabitable for the next several centuries,” Ed added.

“Yes, exactly,” Dani said. “You two saved the future of space travel.”

“There’s going to be a medals ceremony for you, Admiral,” Ed said with a grin. “You and Tracy both.”

“Oh, yeah, that’s right,” Dani added. “Congratulations on your promotion, Admiral.”

Gordo smiled gently. “Thanks.”

“The Medal of Honor, right?” Dani added. She had heard that both Gordo and Tracy were going to receive medals for their courage and service on the moon.

“And the Defense Distinguished Service Medal,” Ed added.

“Yeah,” Gordo said quietly. He picked at the label on his beer bottle, and Dani could tell he was lost in his thoughts.

“How are you two doing?” Ed asked, apparently picking up on the same vibe. “You and Tracy.”

“Good,” Gordo said quickly.

To Dani, it sounded like an automatic response. “Really?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Gordo said. “I mean, we’re home, you know? We’re… We’re fine.”

“You sure?” Ed asked.

Gordo glanced up at him and then at Dani. He gave a small sigh. “It’s just…” He trailed off, staring down at the table. “Jimmy’s pretty upset.”

“What do you mean?” Dani asked.

“We just—We put them through a lot,” Gordo said, lowering his voice. He looked towards the bar. “Danny and Jimmy—They almost lost both of their parents up there.”

Dani nodded. She looked at Ed who glanced at her. Of course, Dani knew as much. She knew that Danny and Jimmy losing both parents had been a very real possibility at the time. But Gordo and Tracy had survived, and Dani hadn’t given much thought to the “what ifs.” But now that she was considering it, she knew that that kind of fear and dread didn’t immediately vanish just because everything was fine.

“It’s okay,” Gordo said. “He’ll—They’ll be all right. It’s just…”

“What?” Ed asked.

“I, uh...feel guilty, you know? For leaving them alone.”

Ed nodded, lowering his gaze. Dani assumed he was thinking about Shane. About how Ed had been away, on the moon, when Shane had passed. Dani understood, to an extent. She hadn’t lost Clayton while away on the moon, but she hadn’t been there for him while she had been stranded at Jamestown. He had had to deal with his issues alone, without her there to help him. It hadn’t been her choice to remain on the moon nearly four months longer than planned, but it had been her decision to go to the moon in the first place.

“Give it time,” Ed said finally.

“Yeah,” Dani agreed. She reached over and placed her hand on Gordo’s which rested on the tabletop. She gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “Your boys will be okay. It just takes a while to…re-adjust sometimes.”

“Yeah,” Gordo uttered. He was quiet for a few moments, and then he looked at Dani with a hint of a smile. “Thanks.”

Dani offered a smile. She patted the back of Gordo’s hand a couple of times before moving her hands to her lap again.

“They’ll be okay,” Ed agreed. “Those kids of yours are strong.”

Gordo’s smile grew. “They are.”

The pride for his boys gleamed in Gordo’s eyes. They were all quiet for a few moments. Dani watched Gordo, and she could see out of the corner of her eye that Ed was doing the same. Gordo exhaled heavily, his shoulders relaxing. Dani hoped he was feeling better about the situation with his kids.

After several moments, Gordo looked at Ed and asked, “What happened up there with you?”

“What do you mean?” Ed asked.

“With Sea Dragon.”

A slow grin spread across Ed’s face. “Some kind of malfunction, they’re saying.”

Dani smirked. “Right.”

Gordo chuckled, and Ed did too. Dani started to laugh as well.

When their laughter began to subside, Ed shrugged and said, “Not everything is black and white.”

“I hear that,” Gordo said.

“Sounds like we could use another toast,” Dani offered.

They all raised their beer bottles as Ed said, “To living in the grey.”

Chapter Text

“You know,” Ed began. “I thought it would be good for you.”

Dani had left The Outpost twenty minutes earlier, and Ed and Gordo had decided to go for a walk. It was evening, and the sun was beginning to set, casting the road before them in a soft, golden glow.

“You thought what would be good for me?” Gordo asked.

“Going back to the moon.”

Ed stared straight ahead, eyes tracing the curve of the road in front of them. He could feel Gordo’s gaze on him. A pang of guilt gnawed at Ed’s stomach.

“You were so…” Ed scratched at the back of his head. “I thought it was what you needed.”

Gordo let out a soft chuckle beside him. “It was.”

“You almost died,” Ed pointed out. “You. Tracy. Everyone up there on the moon. And I…” Ed sighed quietly. “I put you all up there.”

“You can’t do that, Ed.”

“It’s true. I put you all up there, and people died.”

“We're astronauts, buddy. It's part of the job description. We might not come home. We all signed up for it. Went into it with eyes wide open.”

“You didn’t,” Ed said, glancing at Gordo. “You told me you couldn’t go back up there, but I...I didn’t listen.”

“Jamestown 91—It gave me purpose. I needed it. As scared as I was...I needed it. And you were right, Ed. I'm a damn astronaut.”

Ed offered a small smile. “And a damn great one.”

“Ironically, you probably saved my life by sending me back up there.”

“And then you saved everyone else on the moon,” Ed added. “The entire space program. If not for you and Tracy, mankind's time on the moon would be done for the next thousand years. Everything we've all worked for – all the struggles and sacrifices and deaths – they would've been for nothing.”

“Mm,” Gordo uttered. “All we did was run a few feet and switch some cables and throw the power switch.”

“Without a suit,” Ed pointed out. “Wrapped in duct tape. On the moon.”

“You know, I really thought we were going to die up there,” Gordo said. They walked a few more feet before he spoke again. “I was certain we weren’t going to make it, Tracy and me.” He paused for several moments before continuing. “I kept thinking about my old man, dying in his bed. Terrified.”

Ed looked at him. “Were you?” he asked. “Terrified.”

“At first,” Gordo said, glancing at him and then back at the road ahead of them. “You know, when we were wrapping ourselves in duct tape and then when we were about to open the airlock.” He sniffed.

Ed watched him closely. He could see the late evening sunlight glinting off the tears in Gordo’s eyes.

“But,” Gordo began. He cleared his throat. “After we had fixed the coolant system – after we were back inside the airlock – I felt like my death had meaning. Like I was going to die for a purpose. For something...bigger than myself, you know?”

Ed nodded.

“And as crazy as it sounds, I wasn’t scared. I was...hopeful. For what would come after. For everyone else, you know? I was…” Gordo blinked a few times, and Ed assumed he was fighting back the tears in his eyes. Gordo let out a short chuckle and finished, saying, “I was at peace.”

Ed watched his friend for a long moment. Gordo took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. He nodded absently as his shoulders relaxed. Ed couldn’t help but notice how much Gordo had changed over the past several months, since Ed had given him his Jamestown 91 assignment. Gordo had transformed from a lost, overweight man who was on the verge of a drinking problem and who was spiraling into depression, to a confident and capable astronaut who had just saved multiple lives on the moon, as well as the future of space travel.

“You’re a damn hero, buddy boy,” Ed said, clapping Gordo on the back. “Hopefully, this time around, that’s the part that won’t let you go.”

Gordo smiled gently. “Thanks.”

They walked a few more feet before Gordo stopped. Ed stopped too and looked at him.

“You know, it was right here,” Gordo said.

“What was?”

“When we had that conversation.”

Ed followed Gordo’s gaze to the guardrail on the side of the road. He recalled that night when Karen had called him to come to the bar because Gordo was drunk. He remembered walking down the street with his friend and Gordo admitting that he felt like he didn’t even exist anymore. Gordo had sat down on the side of the road, crying about how his career – about how people calling him an American hero – was all just shit.

It seemed like a lifetime ago. So much had happened since then. And Gordo had changed so much.

“How are you feeling about it now?” Ed asked.

Gordo studied the guardrail for a beat before smiling gently. “You know,” he began but trailed off for several moments. “Right before my launch, when you came to see me…”

“Mm-hmm.”

Gordo looked at him then. “You said you were proud of me.”

“I was.” Ed smiled. “I still am.”

Gordo nodded. “I guess I feel like maybe I’ve done something to earn that now.”

Ed grinned. “You mean, risking your life and nearly dying to save everyone on the moon?”

Gordo chuckled softly, modestly, and lowered his gaze. Ed knew that Gordo had regained his confidence, but the arrogance of his twenties and thirties seemed to have vanished completely. Gordo had definitely changed.

“Yeah,” Gordo uttered finally.

Ed nodded. “I always knew El Gordo had it in him.”

Gordo smiled gently. Then, his smile faded as he looked up at Ed. “Thank you,” Gordo said softly. “For believing that.”

Chapter Text

Gordo stood in front of the bathroom sink after a shower, his lower half wrapped in a towel. He swiped the steam from the mirror with his hand and eyed his reflection. Beneath nearly two week’s worth of stubble, he noticed the sharp angles of his cheekbones and jawline. He wasn’t used to seeing that. And the truth was, he didn’t weigh any less than he had ten years ago. But his rapid weight loss recently had left his cheeks a little more sunken than usual. He assumed they would fill out again as he healed and got back into a healthy daily routine.

There was a knock at his bathroom door. He opened it, expecting to see one of his boys. Instead, he saw Tracy, blonde hair hanging in loose waves around her face.

Gordo smiled. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Tracy gave him a slow once-over.

Part of Gordo liked that she was checking him out. But another part of him felt a little self-conscious about it. His body had been through a lot since the last time she had seen him in nothing more than a towel.

He leaned against the edge of the open door. “What are you doing here?”

“Just came to see the boys.” She paused. “And you.”

He grinned. “Yeah?”

She nodded, eyes focused somewhere well south of his face. He started to comment about her checking him out when she said, “You got your stitches out.”

He followed her gaze down to his arm, twisting it a bit so he could see the outside of his elbow where the raised pink scar was now stitches-free. “The doc took out the rest of them this morning. Both elbows. Both knees.”

“Good,” Tracy said. “I got the rest of mine out the day after we got back. How do they feel?”

“Okay. Not bad.” He looked at Tracy, relaxing his arm at his side. “Just a little tender.”

She nodded, looking him over again.

He smiled. “It’s been a long time since you’ve seen me shirtless.”

She met his gaze again.

“You know,” Gordo began with a playful grin. “You don’t have to wait so long for the next time.”

She chuckled and shook her head, rolling her eyes a bit. “I’m not checking you out, Gordo.”

“No?” he said, still grinning. “Because it kind of looked like—”

“I’m just wondering how you’re doing,” she said, cutting him off. “If you’re okay.”

“I’m fine,” he said. “I’m good.”

She studied his eyes for a few long moments, narrowing hers slightly. Then, she said, “I thought you were done with that.”

“With what?”

“Lying.”

He smiled a little. “I am.”

“Then, tell me how you’re really doing.”

“What makes you think I’m lying?”

“Oh, please, Gordo. I know you better than anyone.”

Gordo offered a wry smile and lowered his gaze. “I’m...mostly okay,” he admitted. “Kind of up and down.”

“How so?”

Gordo took a deep breath, letting it out in an audible exhale. He looked out into the hallway, hoping his boys weren’t close enough to eavesdrop. He looked at Tracy again and then waved her inside. She hesitated but then joined him in the bathroom. He closed the door and folded his arms across his chest.

Quietly, he said, “I’m relieved to be back home, you know? Alive.”

“Of course,” Tracy said softly.

“But once in a while, my mind goes back to the moon. Those fifteen seconds, you know?”

She watched him closely but said nothing, letting him take his time to gather his thoughts.

“It’s not even that we nearly died. Hell, I was convinced we were going to.” He shook his head, glancing at the closed bathroom door. He lowered his voice further before continuing. “It’s just—Those boys…”

Tracy took a deep breath and nodded.

“I keep thinking about how we almost left them. And how scared they must have been, you know? Not knowing if their parents were going to live or die.” Gordo sighed quietly, his eyes beginning to sting with tears. “Jimmy didn’t want to leave yesterday.”

“What do you mean?”

“He wanted to stay home with me.”

“That’s sweet.”

“Yeah,” Gordo said. “But he’s afraid something’s going to happen. He’s...scared.”

Tracy nodded a little, frowning. “That’s understandable.”

“It is,” Gordo agreed. “I just feel...so guilty. You know? For leaving them when you were already up on the moon. For what we put them through. The uncertainty, the worrying, the fear of losing us. I hate that we put them through that, Trace.”

“I know,” she whispered. “But that wasn’t your fault.”

“And I know they’re strong. I know they could have gotten through it. But every once in a while, I just get this overwhelming feeling.” He paused. “Just...sadness. Guilt.”

Tracy nodded. “I do too.”

“I keep hoping it’s going to go away.”

“It will. It’s only been a few days. We’re all still adjusting. Still getting used to what happened and being back here. We just have to let it all settle a bit.”

Gordo nodded his agreement. “I think a big part of that, for me, is not avoiding things anymore. Not running away from things. The fear. The guilt. Whatever I’m feeling.”

“That’s good, Gordo.”

“Yeah,” he uttered. He held Tracy’s gaze for a long time, staring into her sparkling blue eyes. “I want you back, Trace,” he said finally. “I know you haven't made up your mind, but I want to be clear about what I want. And that's you. I want to be with you again. I want you to live here, with me and the boys. I want to wake up every morning, knowing you're here.”

“Gordo,” Tracy whispered.

“And I'll do whatever it takes, Trace. Counseling. Anything. I know it's going to be a long road…because I know you don't trust me.”

“I trust you with my life, Gordo.”

“Yeah,” Gordo said gently. “But not with your heart. And that's understandable. I messed up a lot. I hurt you too many times.” He unfolded his arms and took a step forward, reaching out and gently taking her hand in his. “But not anymore.”

They looked at each other for a long moment. Gordo remained quiet, letting Tracy process what he had told her.

Finally, she said, “I need time, Gordo. To figure all this out.” She paused before adding, “Sam’s a good man. I don’t want to hurt him.”

Gordo nodded slowly. “You have to listen to your heart, Trace. You know what it’s telling you.”

“Oh, yeah?” Tracy said. “And what’s that, Gordo?”

“You just said that Sam’s a good man and that you don’t want to hurt him. You didn’t say that you’re in love with him, Trace. Or that you want to stay with him.”

Tracy continued to stare into his eyes. Gordo stared right back. They were still holding hands. He wanted to lean in, but he refrained. He could see the uncertainty in her eyes, and as badly as he wanted to be with her again, he didn’t want to push her.

Finally, Tracy repeated in a whisper, “I need time, Gordo.”

Gordo glanced at Tracy’s lips and then looked her in the eye again. “Okay,” he whispered. “I will be right here waiting.”

Chapter Text

“Would you mind letting Kelly know that dinner is about ready?” Karen asked.

Ed entered the kitchen from the hallway and walked to the refrigerator. “Already did.” He pulled out a beer and went to the table to sit.

“What is she doing?” Karen asked. “She’s been in her room for hours.”

“Working on her application to Annapolis.”

“Really?” Karen said, looking at him. “She doesn’t have to submit that for almost another four months.”

“Earlier the better,” Ed said.

“I guess so.” She pulled on two oven mitts and opened the oven door. She removed a tray with garlic bread and set it on a pair of trivets on the counter. “I keep going back and forth,” she said as she began placing the slices of garlic bread in a bread basket.

“What do you mean?” Ed asked. “Going back and forth about what?”

“About Kelly. About the Naval Academy.”

“Well, she’s going,” Ed said. “Not much we can do about that now.” He recalled the moment he had first found out that Kelly wanted to go to Annapolis. It had terrified him, and he had reacted horribly. Over the past several months, he had come to accept it. He had come to accept that his daughter wanted to be in the Navy, just as he had when he was her age.

“No, I know that. I guess I keep going back and forth about being happy and excited for her...and being scared.”

Ed took a drink from his beer and nodded.

“She’ll be okay, though,” Karen said with resolve. “She’s a Baldwin.”

“Yeah. She’ll be great. And I already talked to Danny about making sure no one gives her too hard a time.”

Karen stiffened, staring down at the basket of garlic bread on the counter. Ed wondered if that thought was new to her. Maybe she hadn’t yet considered that some of the other plebes or upperclassmen might harass or try to haze Kelly.

“She’ll be fine,” Ed assured her.

Karen nodded, forcing a smile. “Of course she will.”

“What’s wrong?” Ed asked. He could see that Karen was uncomfortable.

“Nothing,” Karen said, glancing at him with her forced smile. “I’m sure...Danny...will watch over her.”

“Right,” Ed said, studying his wife. “Hey, if you want, we can both talk to him. If it’ll make you feel more—”

“No,” Karen said quickly, cutting him off. “I am sure that you handled it sufficiently. I have no need to talk to Danny.”

Ed watched his wife who busied herself by getting plates out of the cabinet and loading them with spaghetti from the pot on the stove.

Something was off with her. Something was...wrong. She seemed uncomfortable with the conversation. At first, Ed had assumed it was because of talk about Kelly going to Annapolis and possibly being messed with. But now…

Ed decided to test out the theory that was formulating in his brain. He hoped he was wrong, but he needed to know.

“I just hope we can trust him,” Ed said.

“What?” Karen said, distracted. “Who?”

“Danny,” Ed said pointedly, watching his wife closely.

“What, uh, what do you mean?”

“I mean, he and Kelly know each other pretty well.” Ed spoke slowly, deliberately. He wanted to gauge Karen’s reaction to every word he said. “I just hope nothing, you know...is going on between them.”

“I don’t think you have to worry about that,” Karen said, her voice light and airy. It was the tone she had used years ago, before Shane had passed. The tone she used when she was in denial. Or when she didn’t want to talk about a certain topic.

“Why’s that?” Ed asked.

Karen didn’t answer immediately. Instead, she finished filling three plates full of spaghetti. She walked over, carrying two of them, setting them down on the table, one in front of Ed and the other in front of the seat to his left.

“Because,” Karen began, offering him her forced smile, eyes a little wider than normal. “Kelly has no interest in Danny.”

“What about Danny?” Ed asked.

Karen flinched at his name, and Ed knew he was right. He knew his formulating theory was accurate. It had all come together. It all made sense. Why Karen had seemed tense talking with Danny at the welcome home party for Gordo and Tracy. Why Karen hadn’t wanted to tell Ed who she had slept with. Ed felt a wave of nausea wash over him.

“What about him?” Karen said, continuing to force her smile.

But it was too late. Anger burned in Ed’s stomach and chest. He couldn’t believe it. He knew it was true, but he couldn’t believe it. He needed to hear it from Karen. He needed to know, with absolute certainty.

“It was him, wasn’t it?” Ed said. His voice sounded calmer than he felt.

“What?” Karen asked. “What was who?”

“Danny,” Ed said, feeling a deep pang of jealousy in his stomach when Karen flinched again. “He’s…” Ed shook his head, tears beginning to sting his eyes. “He’s the one you…”

Karen froze, staring back at Ed. She didn’t deny it. She didn’t look confused. She just stared at him.

“I need to hear it,” Ed said.

Karen studied him for a long moment and then asked, “What good will that do?”

“I need to hear it,” Ed repeated, a little louder that time.

“Ed…”

“Karen, please. Just tell me. Was it Danny?”

Karen’s eyes brimmed with tears. She looked at Ed for several silent moments before she finally nodded and whispered, “Yes.”

Ed inhaled sharply as he blinked back his tears. He turned away, staring through the sliding glass door, unable to look at Karen any longer.

“I’m so sorry,” Karen said, which somehow angered Ed more.

“You’re sorry?” Ed said calmly at first. Then, he yelled, “You’re sorry?” Ed pushed his chair back and sprang to his feet.

“I know. I—It wasn’t planned. It just—”

“Don’t say ‘it just happened,’” Ed spat. “You told me it was a decision you made.”

“It was,” Karen admitted. “I just…It wasn’t planned.”

“He’s my best friend’s son, Karen. Your best friend’s son. You babysat him. He...he was Shane’s best friend.”

Karen nodded but said nothing else. She looked distraught. Lips parted. Eyes wide and teary. All of it angered Ed even more.

Why does she get to be the one who’s upset? he thought. She’s the one who cheated.

Ed shook his head and brushed past her. He couldn’t take it. He couldn’t be in that room with her. He couldn’t be in that house with her.

“Ed, wait,” Karen pleaded from behind him.

Ed ignored her. He stormed out of the kitchen and into the hallway. He halted momentarily as he saw Kelly in the hallway, arms folded tightly across her chest and tears in her eyes. She had heard everything.

Ed couldn’t stop to comfort her. He thought he would explode if he tried to talk. Instead, he gave her a long look and then kept walking, down the hall and out the front door.

Chapter Text

Ed squeezed the accelerator towards the floorboard with his foot. His Corvette zipped past houses and businesses as he weaved in and out of traffic. He didn’t know where he was headed until he whipped into Gordo’s driveway. He barely killed the engine before he got out of the car and stormed up to the front door, knocking harder than he needed to.

A few moments later, the door opened. Ed’s stomach clenched uncomfortably. He was ready to punch Danny Stevens in the face, but it wasn’t Danny who opened the door.

“Hey, Mr. Baldwin,” Jimmy said.

“Jimmy.”

“My dad’s not home right now. He should be back soon, though, if you want to come in and wait.”

Ed grunted. “What about your brother? He home?”

“Uh, yeah.” Jimmy opened the door wider and stood aside.

Ed walked in, looking down the short hallway. He didn’t know what he was going to do when he found Danny, but he knew it wouldn’t be good. He knew he should leave right then and there. He knew he should turn around and go to The Outpost or a hotel and try to calm down. Confronting Danny immediately after finding out about him and Karen would only end badly.

But that didn’t stop him. Ed had never been one to rein in his anger, and he had no desire to start in that moment.

“He’s out back,” Jimmy offered, closing the front door.

Ed was pulled from his thoughts. “What?”

“Danny,” Jimmy said. “He’s out back.”

Ed nodded. He wondered how obvious his anger was. Jimmy didn’t seem concerned and had simply offered up his brother’s whereabouts. But even if Ed’s anger was obvious, he assumed that Jimmy had no reason to believe it was aimed at his brother.

“Thanks,” Ed said, walking down the hallway. He wound his way to the sliding glass door at the back of the house and stepped out onto the patio.

He spotted Danny immediately, sitting by the unlit fire pit with a beer in hand.

Smug little fucker, Ed thought with a sneer. Danny didn’t seem to have a care in the world, sitting there sipping his beer, completely unaffected by the fact that he had fucked up Ed’s marriage.

“Danny,” Ed said.

Danny looked over. He set his beer on the ground and stood up. “Good evening, Admiral.”

Ed sauntered over. He stared at Danny as he neared, clenching and unclenching his jaw. Danny just watched him, uncertainty in his eyes.

“I had an interesting conversation with my wife this evening.”

“Oh,” Danny uttered. “Okay.”

Ed moved until he stood directly in front of Danny. Ed was glad for the height difference as he towered over the kid.

“About what?” Danny asked finally, looking up at him.

Ed leaned in close, scowling in Danny’s face. “I think you know,” he growled.

Danny’s confusion disappeared as realization struck. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed.

“What the fuck were you thinking?” Ed said, his voice rising in volume.

Danny opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He just looked up at Ed, eyes wider than normal as he searched for the words. An engine rumbled in the distance and got louder as it neared.

“Don’t bother,” Ed said. “There’s nothing you can say that will make me want to punch you any less.”

“I’m sorry,” Danny said.

“You’re sorry?” Ed asked. He let out a wry chuckle. “Funny. That’s what Karen said too.” His voice continued to rise in volume until he was yelling as he said, “Like that somehow makes any of this better.”

“I can’t believe—Did she tell you it was me?”

Ed chuckled, again without humor. “Did she tell me? No, Danny, she didn’t tell me. I figured it out. You two weren’t exactly subtle.”

“But it took you this long to figure it out,” Danny said, braving a look at Ed.

Ed’s anger began to boil over. He wanted to punch Danny. He wanted to strangle him. “What the fuck did you just say?”

Danny’s resolve wavered. He lowered his gaze.

“Look at me, you little shit,” Ed hissed. When Danny looked up at him again, Ed repeated, “What the fuck did you just say?”

“Nothing,” Danny said quickly. “I—”

“Hey,” Gordo called from behind Ed. Ed assumed it had been Gordo’s Corvette engine that he had heard rumbling closer moments earlier. “What’s going on?”

“Why don’t you ask your son?” Ed hissed, still staring at Danny.

Gordo appeared at Ed’s side. “What’s going on?” he repeated, looking at his son.

Danny said nothing. He had lifted his gaze when his dad had shown up, but he wouldn’t look at Ed or Gordo.

“Karen had an affair,” Ed said. He hadn’t even told Gordo that part yet. He hadn’t wanted to burden his friend right after his return home. But he didn’t see any way around it now. He was too angry to keep anything inside any longer.

“What?” Gordo said, surprise in his voice. “When?”

“Before,” Ed said. “Before I left for my mission. She told me about it right before I left.”

“Oh, shit, Ed. I’m sorry.” Gordo paused before adding, “But what does that—”

“You want to know who she slept with?” Ed interrupted, looking at his friend.

Gordo looked back at him, brow furrowed in question.

“She wouldn’t tell me,” Ed said. “But I figured it out.”

“Who?”

Ed slowly looked from Gordo to Danny. Danny said nothing. He just continued to stare somewhere over Ed’s shoulder.

“Do you want to tell your dad who my wife slept with, Danny?” Ed asked.

Danny remained silent.

“Do you want to tell your dad that you slept with my wife, Danny?” Ed was yelling now.

“What?” Gordo said. “Ed, no. There’s got to be some sort of misunderstanding.” He looked at his son. “Danny?”

Danny’s eyes brimmed with tears as he looked at his dad. Then, he lowered his gaze to the ground.

“Shit,” Gordo muttered.

“I’m sorry,” Danny said, his voice breaking. “I’m just—I’m in love with her.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Ed growled. “You’ve got to be kidding me, you little shit.”

“Hey,” Gordo interjected.

“I ought to knock your teeth down your throat.”

“Enough,” Gordo said, wedging himself between them. He was facing Ed, and he looked up at him as he spoke to his son. “Danny, go inside.”

Danny hesitated but then complied. He walked around Gordo, heading quickly towards the back of the house. Ed turned around to follow. He wouldn’t let Danny get away that easily.

“Stop,” Gordo said. He caught up and blocked Ed’s path before he reached the sliding glass door that Danny had just disappeared through.

“I’m not finished with him.”

“Yes,” Gordo said. “You are. You need to calm down.”

“This is all just fine to you, isn’t it, Gordo?”

“Of course not. But you don’t get to come to my house and threaten my son, Ed.”

“This is your doing,” Ed said, scowling in Gordo’s face.

Gordo didn’t back down. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“You caused this.”

“I’m not the one who slept with your wife, Ed.”

“No,” Ed sneered. “But you slept with more than your fair share of women who weren’t your wife. Danny must have picked up a few things.”

Gordo stared up at him but sighed softly. “I know I’ve made mistakes.”

“Yeah, well, that little asshole son of yours—”

“Hey.”

“—sure picked up where you left off.”

“Watch it, Ed,” Gordo said quietly.

But Ed could hear the pissed off edge to his friend’s voice. Ed felt just in causing that edge, and he wanted more. “The only reason you stopped screwing other people was because you lost Tracy, and suddenly it wasn’t such a fun game for you anymore.”

“Fuck you, man,” Gordo growled. “You know, you’re not so perfect yourself.”

Ed leaned in, getting in Gordo’s face. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Gordo stood his ground. “It means that maybe if you had paid your wife a little more attention, she wouldn’t be looking outside of your marriage for someone to take care of her needs.”

Ed grabbed Gordo by the front of the shirt and shoved him back against the sliding glass door. It rattled on its frame as Ed pinned him to it. Gordo grimaced slightly, undoubtedly because of his recent wounds. Ed eased up a bit, feeling a pang of guilt despite his anger.

“Go on, Ed,” Gordo said. “Do it. Hit me. That’s what you want, right?”

Ed scowled in Gordo’s face. He recalled their argument at Jamestown nearly a decade earlier, when Ed had lost his temper and thrown Gordo against the glass partition. He thought about hitting him now. He thought it would make him feel better to hit something. Someone. But Gordo was right – he wasn’t the one who had slept with Karen. He wasn’t the one Ed was mad at.

Without another word, Ed released Gordo and walked away, heading around the side of the house. Gordo said nothing, and Ed didn’t turn around.

Chapter Text

“Is he gone?” Danny asked when Gordo entered the living room.

Danny stood in the middle of the room, arms folded across his chest. He brought one hand up to chew at his thumbnail.

Gordo nodded. “He is.”

Danny exhaled heavily, lowering both arms. He began to pace the living room floor in front of the coffee table.

Gordo watched him, trying to process all the new information he had just received. Karen had cheated on Ed. With Danny. Danny and Karen had slept together. Gordo’s son. And Gordo’s best friend’s wife. And somehow that had become Gordo’s fault, according to Ed.

Gordo couldn’t blame Ed for being angry. He wasn’t wrong about all of Gordo’s indiscretions. All the times he had cheated on Tracy. He hadn’t thought that his kids knew about that, but now he was beginning to wonder. Maybe Ed was right. Maybe Danny did know how horribly Gordo had treated Tracy. Maybe that was the example Gordo had set. Maybe that was all that Danny had had to look up to.

“Are you mad at me?” Danny asked, pulling Gordo from his thoughts.

Gordo looked at his son. Danny was slim and handsome, and over the past year, he had begun to develop into a man. But as he looked at Gordo, his eyes were wide and uncertain and worried. He looked like a scared little boy, and Gordo sighed.

“Of course not,” Gordo said gently. He walked over and pulled Danny into a hug. Danny hugged him tightly, sniffing quietly.

When they released, Gordo gestured towards the couch. They both sat down.

“But you’re disappointed,” Danny said. It wasn’t a question.

Gordo thought about his answer. Thought about what Danny had done. Gordo knew he was in no position to judge after everything he had done behind Tracy’s back during their marriage.

“I’m…”

“You’re disappointed in me,” Danny said.

Gordo shook his head. “I’m disappointed in the choice you made, Danny. But that doesn’t make me feel any differently about you. We all make mistakes.” He paused before adding, “Believe me. I’ve made plenty.”

“I didn’t mean to mess things up,” Danny said. “I—I didn’t mean for Ed to find out or—or for him to take it out on you.”

Gordo offered a small, wry smile. “You saw that, huh?”

Danny nodded. “I’m sorry, Dad.”

“Hey. No. Don’t apologize to me.”

Danny sighed, looking down at his hands in his lap.

“Did you mean what you said?” Gordo asked. “That you’re in love with her.”

Danny swallowed thickly, hesitating before he looked at Gordo again. Then, he nodded slightly. “I know it sounds ridiculous, but—”

“It doesn’t sound ridiculous,” Gordo assured him.

“Really?”

Gordo nodded. “But she’s married, Danny.”

“Maybe,” Danny began. “Maybe she doesn’t want to be. I mean, if she slept with me—”

“Is that what she said?” Gordo asked. “That she doesn’t want to be married to Ed anymore?”

Danny hesitated but then shook his head.

“What did she say?”

“She said...that we can’t be together.” Danny lowered his gaze again. “That we can’t...do anything anymore.”

Gordo sighed softly. “Kid, I’m sorry you’re hurting.” He paused, his heart aching for his son. He knew what it was like to be in love with someone he couldn’t be with. But he also knew that Danny needed to hear the truth, no matter how painful it might be. “If you really care for her, Danny, you need to respect her wishes.”

Danny looked up at Gordo again. “Like you are respecting mom’s marriage?”

“Your mom and I have been through a lot,” Gordo said. “We’re just trying to get through that together.”

“But you want her back, right?”

Gordo thought about what he wanted to say. Years ago, he probably would have told Danny that it was none of his business. That it was between Gordo and Tracy and that Danny shouldn’t worry himself about it. But Gordo was changing. He was no longer hiding from his feelings.

Finally, Gordo gently said, “Yeah. I do.”

“But she’s married,” Danny pointed out. “So, what’s the difference?”

“The difference,” Gordo began, “is that your mom and I haven’t done anything. I’ve just let my feelings be known.”

“You haven’t done anything?” Danny asked. “Didn’t you...you know…” Danny cringed and looked away. “The first night you were back home.”

Gordo let out a short, quiet chuckle at his son’s repulsion. “We slept,” Gordo said. “That’s all. Just sleeping.” He paused before adding, “And a kiss or two. But those were really just relieved, happy-to-be-alive kisses.”

“But if Karen is unhappy, shouldn’t she be able to, I don’t know, be happy with someone else?”

“You need to give her time to figure that out.”

“What if she stays in her marriage?” Danny asked, looking at Gordo with sad, desperate eyes.

Gordo sighed softly. He reached out and squeezed Danny’s shoulder. “Then, you need to respect that and try to move on.”

Danny lowered his gaze, swallowing thickly. Gordo knew it wasn’t what his son wanted to hear, but it was the truth. It was the healthiest thing for him.

After a few moments, Danny looked at him again and asked, “What if Mom stays in her marriage? Will you respect that?”

Gordo silently considered his answer. If Tracy decided to stay married to Sam, would Gordo take his own advice? Would he let Tracy go? Would he try to move on? Would he even be able to? Up on the moon, Gordo had told Tracy that he knew he would never have another happy moment until he was back with her. He had believed that then. And he still believed it. He wanted her back with every fiber of his being. And he would be brokenhearted all over again if it didn’t happen.

But if that were to be Tracy’s decision – if she truly loved Sam and wanted to stay with him – then Gordo knew he would respect that.

“Yes,” Gordo said finally. “If that’s what your mom really wants.”

Chapter Text

Ed paced the carpet of his hotel room. He had left Gordo’s house an hour earlier and had driven to the Shamrock Hotel, making a pit stop at the liquor store along the way. After checking in at the hotel, he had taken the stairs up to the sixth floor. He thought the exercise might help him let off some steam. But when he got to his room, he was still pissed. Still fuming. He put the Do Not Disturb sign on the outside of the door and cracked open a can of beer.

Karen and Danny, he thought.

He was having trouble wrapping his head around it. His wife and his best friend’s son had slept together. They had had an affair together.

Ed downed the can of beer. When it was empty, he crushed the can in his hand and chucked it across the room. It hit a framed painting of horses grazing in a pasture that was hanging on the wall above one of the two beds in the room. It ricocheted off the painting and onto the floor between the bed and the wall. Ed noticed a few drops of beer on the painting that had splashed out of the can as it hit.

He opened another beer and started on it while he considered what he was going to do. He didn’t know if Karen wanted a divorce. Or if she just needed some time apart. He didn’t know what he wanted.

When Karen had first told him about the affair, he had still wanted to be with her. He had wanted her to make up her mind and decide whether or not she still wanted to be with him. But now…

Now, Ed wasn’t sure. Karen had slept with Danny. Danny, of all people. It wouldn’t have been quite as terrible if she had slept with someone Ed didn’t know. Or didn’t like. Just someone that he didn’t have so many connections to. He didn’t know how he could ever look at Danny the same way. He didn’t know how he could look at Gordo the same way.

He had blamed Gordo for it. Ed wasn’t sure if he was being fair about that or not, but at the moment, he didn’t care. All he knew was that Gordo’s son had slept with Karen. And all Ed could think about was all of the women Gordo had been with while married to Tracy. He had cheated on his wife so many times that Ed had lost count.

He knew that Gordo was a good dad to those boys. He knew Gordo would do anything for them. But while he had been a good dad, he had been a shitty husband to Tracy. Ed knew it. Tracy definitely knew it. Even Gordo knew it.

Gordo had changed a lot over the past decade, but that didn’t erase everything he had done before. That didn’t wipe those indiscretions from existence. And if Gordo’s boys knew about them – if Danny knew about them – then that was the example Gordo had set for them. For Danny. That it was okay to cheat. That it was okay to sleep with someone else’s wife.

Ed lifted the beer can to take another drink, realizing he had finished it. He crumpled it and tossed it onto the round table in the corner of the room. It skittered across the surface and fell to the floor.

He finished a third beer and was on his fourth when a knock came at the door. Ed grumbled quietly to himself, vividly recalling having put the Do Not Disturb sign on the doorknob. He ignored the knocking, hoping whoever it was would just go away.

They didn’t. Another knock came.

“Can’t you read?” Ed growled. He stomped over to the door. As he whipped it open, he said, “The sign says ‘Do Not Di—’” He stopped abruptly, seeing Kelly standing in the hallway.

“Hi, Dad.”

“Kelly,” Ed said with a frown. He scanned the hallway, wondering if Karen was with her. “What are you doing here?”

“I figured you would be here,” she said. “I remember you saying something about staying at the Shamrock…after Shane.”

“But why are you here?” he asked. It came out harsher than he had intended. The alcohol was having that effect. He hadn’t expected his daughter to show up at his hotel door, but now that she was there, he suddenly wished he hadn’t been drinking so much. He wasn’t drunk. He was only on his fourth beer. But he was beginning to feel it. And the alcohol mixed with his anger was having a nasty effect on his mind and his attitude and his behavior. An effect he didn’t want his daughter to witness.

“You left me there,” Kelly said, a matter-of-fact tone to her voice.

“What do you mean? I didn’t leave you, Kelly. I just—I needed to get away from…”

“From Mom?” Kelly asked.

“From our fighting,” Ed corrected. “From the situation.”

“Yeah, well, maybe I need to get away too.”

She shifted on her feet, adjusting the strap over her shoulder. That’s when Ed noticed that she was carrying a backpack and an overnight bag. His overnight bag, he realized.

“Why do you have so much stuff?” he asked.

“I came to stay here with you.”

“What?”

“Are you going to let me come in, or…?”

Ed looked at her for a long moment. He didn’t want her staying there. Not because he didn’t want her around – he really did – but because he didn’t want her having to choose sides. And he didn’t want her displaced, out of her home.

“Well?” she asked.

Ed sighed softly and said, “Of course. Come here.”

She went to him and he wrapped his arms around her, still holding the beer can in one hand. While he hugged her, he said, “You can visit for a while, but I think you should go back home later. Sleep in your own bed.”

“It’s fine,” she said. “I can sleep on the floor here. It’s no big deal. You take the bed.” She released him and walked around him, into the room.

“No, that’s not what I—”

“You have two beds,” Kelly said, surprise in her voice.

Ed closed the door gently and turned to face her. “Yeah. All they had available were rooms with two beds.”

“Perfect,” Kelly said with a smile.

Ed sighed. “You really should go back home, though.”

Kelly looked at him, frowning. “Do you not want me here?”

“No, that’s not—Of course, I do.”

“Then, what?” Kelly asked. She looked genuinely curious as to why her dad kept trying to get her to go back home.

Ed felt a pang of sadness in his stomach. “I just think that you should be home,” he said gently. “In your own room. In your own bed. You shouldn’t be staying in a hotel.”

“Well, Mom’s at home, and I don’t want to go back there right now. If you don’t want me to stay here, I’ll go stay at Michelle’s house.”

She started towards the door, but he blocked her path, putting his hands up. “Just…” He sighed again. “Don’t go,” he said.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to, I don’t know, be in your way or something.”

“Honey, you’re never in my way,” he said, his guilt growing. “I didn’t—That’s not what I was saying at all.” He paused, looking at his daughter who was looking up at him with her sweet, innocent eyes. “You can stay here,” he conceded. “It’s fine. I just didn’t want you to be uncomfortable or feel like you had to choose sides.”

“Too late for that,” Kelly muttered, rolling her eyes a little bit.

“No,” Ed said. “Look, I don’t want what’s happening with your mom and me to affect your relationship with her.”

“She betrayed you, Dad,” Kelly insisted. “She betrayed our family.”

“It’s more complicated than that,” Ed said gently, unsure where he was finding his sudden calmness about what had happened.

“No,” Kelly said forcefully. “Don’t do that. Don’t act like it’s not a big deal or that—that you’re not as pissed as you are.”

“I’m not—It’s not that I’m not pissed,” Ed said, his voice still calmer than he expected. “I am. Of course, I am. But what happened – this issue – it’s something your mom and I have to deal with. You don’t need to be involved in it.”

“Well, that ship has sailed,” Kelly said with finality.

“Kelly…”

“Which one is yours?” Kelly asked, turning towards the beds.

Ed watched her for a few moments. He wanted to keep talking. He wanted to convince her that being pissed at her mom wasn’t going to help anything. All it was going to do was strain their relationship. But Kelly could be a lot like Ed sometimes. She was much sweeter. Much kinder. Much more empathetic. But, like Ed, she could be stubborn. Not in the same angry, bitter way as Ed. Her way was softer and non-aggressive. But it was still stubbornness. And while they would certainly talk more about it soon – talking things through had become the Baldwin way ever since Kelly had come into their family – he would give her some time to settle in first.

Kelly looked at him, eyebrows lifted in question.

He realized he hadn’t answered her. “Oh,” he uttered. “I hadn’t—You choose.”

Kelly walked to the bed closer to the door and set her backpack down on the comforter. She tossed Ed’s overnight bag onto the other bed, saying, “I brought you a few things.”

Ed looked at her, feeling both guilty about the whole situation and also grateful to have such a thoughtful, caring daughter.

With her back to him, Kelly began to unzip her backpack. She stopped with it halfway open and then walked around to the side of the bed. She bent down and then stood back up, turning to look at Ed with his crumpled beer can in her hand.

Ed smiled sheepishly. “Sorry,” he said. “I…” He had started to say that he had lost his temper. That he had just been blowing off steam. But he didn’t want to talk about that with her right then. He didn’t want to draw more attention to the fact that he was sad and angry and hurting. Instead, he just repeated, “Sorry.”

Kelly crossed the room and threw away the can in the trash bin beside the TV cabinet. She spotted the second beer can on the floor beside the table and went to pick it up.

“I’ll get it,” Ed said, feeling a little embarrassed all of a sudden. Like he was a drunken idiot that his daughter had to pick up after. And he still had his fourth beer in hand. “You don’t have to do that.”

“It’s fine,” Kelly said, tossing the second can in the trash.

Ed sighed. He walked across the room and set down his fourth beer – with only a couple of swigs left in the bottom – on the table in the corner.

“Finish it,” Kelly said gently. “It’s fine. I didn’t come here to bust you.” She offered a small smile.

Ed returned the smile. “It’s okay. I don’t—It’s probably time to stop anyway.”

“Have you eaten?” she asked.

He shook his head. “I’m not really hungry.”

“Should I order room service?”

“Sure,” Ed said. “Get whatever you want.”

Kelly walked to the nightstand between the two beds. She opened the drawer and pulled out a sheet of paper that he assumed was the room service menu. She scanned it and then said, “I think I’ll get a cheeseburger. What would you like?” She held the menu out for him to take.

He waved her off. “Nothing for me.”

“So, two cheeseburgers,” Kelly said as though mishearing him. But he knew she hadn’t.

He smiled gently. “Honey, you don’t have to take care of me.”

“Look, we don’t have to talk about what happened or anything like that. Not right now, anyway. But you do need to at least eat dinner.” Without giving him a chance to argue, she picked up the phone on the nightstand and pressed a single button.

As she placed the order, Ed watched her, his chest swelling at the thought of how sweet and considerate and nurturing his daughter was.

Ed knew that that was Karen’s influence. Ed had always struggled with those traits, especially when Shane had been alive. He had gotten better over the past decade, since Kelly had come into their lives. She had softened him a lot as a father, but he still struggled with his anger and bullheadedness in other areas. He was glad to see that Kelly’s gentle, empathetic personality seemed to come naturally to her in every aspect of her life.

He hoped it always would.

Chapter Text

Karen was in the middle of washing dishes. She had the house to herself. Not that she wanted it. But Ed had stormed out the evening before, right before dinner. And then Kelly had left a short time later. Karen hated that Kelly knew about what she had done. Kelly had looked at her differently that night. She had looked at Karen as though she had been betrayed.

Karen knew she had. She and Ed both. Karen had betrayed her husband. Her family. She didn’t know if any of them would ever recover from it. She had made the decision at the time – the decision to sleep with Danny. She hadn’t been drunk. She hadn’t been out of her mind. She had been perfectly sane, and she had made a choice.

But she knew it had been a mistake. Not only had it confused Danny even more – something she felt profoundly guilty about – but it had imploded her entire family.

She had been upset. Unhappy, even. With her life. With her marriage, in some ways. She loved Ed and always would, but something about their relationship had felt off for a long time. She didn’t think it was any one thing in particular. It was a culmination of years together. Of going through a lot of difficult times together.

She had noticed a wall between them. Ed had been behind a desk at NASA for nearly ten years. He had seemed content in some ways, but in other ways, she knew he was unhappy. Ed was an astronaut. A test pilot. He was an adventurer and an explorer at heart. He loved speed and risk and danger. And she could tell that spending a decade behind a desk had been tough for him. Even though he had never said anything about it. He had never complained.

And that was another thing – he never spoke to her about it. He never opened up to her about how he felt. That wasn’t anything new for Ed – he rarely let himself be vulnerable, even with Karen. But since Shane’s death, Karen had changed. Karen wanted more. She wanted what was real, not what was pretty. Not what other people wanted or expected. She wanted sincerity and authenticity.

She had changed since Shane’s death. She let herself feel what she felt and say what she wanted to say. And she wanted Ed to do the same. But he hadn’t. Not really. He was still the same Ed he had always been. And maybe it wasn’t fair for her to expect him to change. He never acted as though he expected her to stay the same. But Karen needed it. She needed it in herself. And she needed it from Ed. And she had thought that the death of their son might open him up a little bit more, but it hadn’t. Not really.

Ed had his moments. Like when Kelly had first told him about her wanting to apply to the Naval Academy. He had exploded. But then, after calming down, he had opened up to them. He had let himself be vulnerable and had allowed them to know what he was really feeling. That had felt good to Karen, and she wanted to see more. She wanted Ed to share his heart with her.

Ed had admitted to giving up going to space to stay on earth with his family. Karen had known about that sacrifice for years. He had never said it outright until that night, but she had known, deep down. A part of Karen had been glad for that, that he was staying home. That he was staying on earth. It meant he was there for both Karen and Kelly every single day. They didn’t have to go months at a time without him around, wondering if he was okay and wondering if he would make it back home. Karen knew he hadn’t been entirely happy on the ground, but she had selfishly let him do it because she wanted her husband there with her. And after Shane, she needed him more than ever.

But after he had admitted, out loud, what he had given up in order to stay home with his family, Karen had felt bad. Guilty. She didn’t want him giving up his dreams, so she had encouraged him to return to space.

She knew it was the right thing for Ed. She knew it was what would make him happy and make him feel complete. But after receiving Karen’s support and encouragement, he had run with it. He had jumped right back into the deep end. He and Gordo had taken up a couple of T-38s, and Ed had nearly died.

Karen and Kelly had spent the night, awake and sitting by the phone, waiting to hear if Search and Rescue had found Ed in the Gulf. If he was okay. If he was alive. And suddenly, Karen realized that she couldn’t do it anymore. She couldn’t sit by the phone. She couldn’t spend half her life worrying about whether Ed was alive or if he would return home.

Ed was adventurous, but he could also be reckless. His career was already dangerous enough without him bringing additional risk into his life. But he did. Like in the T-38. He and Gordo were supposed to simply fly the planes down to Florida together. But instead, they had decided to have a dogfight. And Karen knew what that meant.

Gordo and Ed were competitive, and when they got into a cockpit, they liked to show off to each other. She knew their dogfight would have included risky maneuvers that they had no business executing. Maneuvers that had led to the malfunction of Ed’s engine and to him having to eject over the Gulf.

Karen had encouraged Ed to take another mission to space, but he had apparently taken that as permission to act as recklessly as possible whenever he pleased. And Karen couldn’t handle it anymore.

So, when Danny had kissed her that night in the bar, Karen had been surprised at first. But then she had been intrigued. And she kept thinking about Ed and how, if he was going to be reckless, then she would be too. And when the opportunity presented itself again, Karen took it.

She and Danny had gone downstairs at The Outpost to have sex. Part of her enjoyed the recklessness. The thrill of doing something wrong. Ed hadn’t had an affair, but he had put Karen second or third in his life more times than she could count. A part of her felt just in putting herself first for once. In acting spontaneously and doing what she wanted in the moment, just as Ed always had.

She regretted it now, though. She regretted hurting Ed that way. And Kelly too. She even regretted it for Danny’s sake. She had no doubt that he had strong feelings for her, but he was young and confused. She hated that she had taken advantage of him that way. Granted, she hadn’t realized until after they had slept together just how strong his feelings for her were. If she had, she never would have slept with him in the first place. She had never wanted to confuse him. She had just thought that they were two people – two friends – sharing a passionate moment together. She hadn’t realized until after the fact that Danny had felt differently about it.

There was a knock at her front door, pulling her from her thoughts. She turned off the faucet and dried her hands. She went to the door and opened it, seeing Tracy on the front stoop.

“Hey, Tracy,” she said, her stomach clenching painfully.

“Hey, Karen.”

Karen forced a smile. She didn’t know if Tracy had heard the news yet. Had Ed told Gordo? Had Gordo told Tracy? Did Tracy know that her son and Karen had slept together?

But then Tracy returned the smile, and Karen assumed that she didn’t.

“Come on in,” Karen said, stepping aside to let her friend in.

She closed the door, and the two of them went to the living room. Karen offered to get her friend a drink, but Tracy passed.

“What’s going on?” Karen asked gently.

“Just thought I’d come by,” Tracy said. “We haven’t really had a chance to catch up.”

“No,” Karen agreed softly. “We haven’t.”

They had seen each other at the welcome home party, but there had been so many people there to demand the attention of the Stevenses. Karen had mostly stood back, content to watch. The only time Karen and Tracy had been alone was when Karen had given her a ride back home the day after her return. It would have been a good opportunity for them to talk, but Karen had been lost in her own thoughts at the time, worried about her marriage. Worried about telling Ed the whole truth. And Tracy had seemed preoccupied as well, which Karen understood. She and Gordo had been through a lot recently.

“Jimmy told me that you were the one who made the party happen.”

“Oh. Well, it was his idea,” Karen said with a gentle smile. “I just helped out.” She had, of course, done more than simply “help out.” But only because Jimmy had come to her. Only because Jimmy wasn’t sure how to make it all happen on his own. But it had been his idea, and he deserved the credit for that.

“Well, thanks,” Tracy said. “For helping out. It was nice to come home to.”

“Of course,” Karen said. “You’re welcome.” She paused and then asked, “How are you doing?”

“I’m fine. Glad to be back home.”

“Yeah, I bet. How are your…”

“Moon wounds?” Tracy finished with a smirk.

Karen smiled gently. “Yes.”

“They’re healing. I got the rest of the stitches out the day after we got back.”

Karen watched her friend for a long moment. She couldn’t imagine the trauma of what had happened on the moon. Softly, she said, “I’m sorry for what you went through up there.”

Tracy nodded. “Yeah. Thanks.” She stared across the room at nothing in particular. Then, she blinked and said, “I’m just glad we’re back home.” She looked at Karen then. “With our boys.”

“Yeah,” Karen said gently. She thought about the day after Tracy had gotten back to Texas, when Karen had driven her back to her home with Sam. Karen had picked her up at Gordo’s place, and she had wondered about that. “You spent the night at Gordo’s, right? That first night.”

Tracy nodded. “I did, yeah.”

Karen waited, hoping for an explanation.

Finally, Tracy said, “It was late, and the boys wanted me to stay.”

“Right,” Karen said with a gentle smile. “Of course.”

Tracy looked at her, and Karen could see her working out the question Karen didn’t ask.

“I wanted to stay too,” Tracy admitted.

“And Gordo?” Karen asked.

Tracy nodded. “Yeah. We slept in the same bed that night.”

Karen’s lips parted and her eyes widened. “Did you…?”

“No,” Tracy said quickly. “No, we just slept. We were exhausted.”

“Otherwise, you would have?”

“No.” Tracy chuckled. “Not that Gordo wasn’t up for it.”

“Oh,” Karen uttered. “Are you—I mean...What about Sam?”

“We’re still married. I still love him. Nothing has happened between Gordo and me. We’re just…”

“What?” Karen asked gently.

“We’ve been through a lot,” Tracy said quietly. The living room lights glinted off the tears forming in her eyes. “He’s...comfortable.”

“But you’re staying married to Sam, right?” Karen asked. She wasn’t sure exactly what Tracy was saying.

Tracy hesitated. “Honestly?” she said after a few moments. “I don’t know.”

Karen looked at her friend, surprise keeping her speechless.

“He’s changed, Karen,” Tracy said after several long moments. “Gordo’s...different.”

“How so?”

“He’s...more mature. More emotionally available.” Tracy looked at Karen. “You know, when he first got up on the moon, he admitted that our marriage falling apart was all his fault.”

“It was,” Karen agreed.

“Yeah,” Tracy said quietly. “But he had never admitted that before. He had never taken responsibility for any of it.” She paused. “Now, he’s—He’s taking responsibility for all of it. Everything he did back then. The cheating. The lying. Being away. Not being there for me.”

“Do you think he means it?” Karen asked.

“I do,” Tracy said. “He’s grown, Karen. He’s so different now. He reminds me of how he was when we first got married. Before all of the cheating and lying began. But instead of that cocky man I married, he’s way more humble.”

“So…” Karen shook her head, furrowing her brow. “Are you saying that you—you might want to get back together with Gordo?”

“I don’t know.” Tracy was quiet for a few more moments. Finally, she said, “I love Sam. I really do. But I think I’ve changed too, Karen. I was on this high before. Living this glamorous life in front of the camera. Doing ads, talk shows, getting married, living in a mansion. I think I got a little swept up in that life.”

Karen nodded, not interrupting.

“After being up on the moon, I feel different. And it’s not just because of what happened—that we almost died. It’s not just that. I was feeling different before that. Before Gordo even showed up at Jamestown.” She flattened out her left hand and used the other to twist her wedding band around her finger. “I don’t need that sort of extravagant lifestyle,” she admitted. “And I know that’s not a reason to leave my marriage, but…”

“But what?” Karen prompted gently.

“But I don’t feel like that person any longer. The woman who married Sam Cleveland. He’s a good man, and I do love him.” She paused, and Karen could tell that she wanted to say more. After a few moments, she continued. “But I don’t think I’m in love with him,” she whispered, looking at Karen with tears in her eyes. “Not anymore.”

Karen nodded, watching her friend. “Well,” she began softly. “I think maybe you have your answer.”

Tracy was quiet for a long time before finally whispering, “Yeah.”

“Do you still love Gordo?” Karen asked.

“I’ll always love Gordo,” Tracy said without hesitation. “We were always very close. Even when he was being an asshole in our marriage. We’ve always been best friends, you know? We can get pissed off, scream at each other, but I know that if I really need him, he’ll still be there. Especially now.” She paused. “We just have a bond.”

“Does that mean you’re going to get back together with him?”

Tracy shook her head. “I don’t know. I don’t want to just jump back into that. Gordo and me—That’s complicated.”

“Yeah,” Karen said softly. “Take your time. There’s no rush, is there?”

“No. Just...Gordo pushing for it.”

“Well, of course he is,” Karen said. “He knows what he lost.”

Tracy smiled gently. “Yeah.” Her smile widened, and she let out a quiet laugh. “I haven’t made up my mind yet, but I’ve got to say, it is kind of fun seeing that. Seeing Gordo pining a bit.”

Karen laughed softly too. “I bet.”

“I can tell he’s trying to be patient while I figure things out, but…” She trailed off, smirking. “Patience has never been Gordo’s strong suit.”

Karen gently said, “Just...be careful.”

“What do you mean?”

“With your heart,” Karen said. “He broke it before. More than once. Just make sure he has really changed. That he’s not going to hurt you again.”

“Yeah,” Tracy whispered. Then, slightly louder, she added, “That’s what I’m trying to do.”

Karen nodded. She wasn’t sure Tracy getting back with Gordo was such a good idea. He had hurt her numerous times during the course of their marriage. But Tracy was adamant that Gordo had changed. That he was different now. Karen had no idea if that was true or not, but she hoped so. For her friend’s sake.

“So, anyway, enough about me and Gordo. What’s new with you?” Tracy asked.

“Oh. Well. Not much really,” Karen lied, her voice going up in pitch.

Tracy narrowed her eyes. “Really?” she asked, skeptically.

“Oh, I—I sold The Outpost.”

“I heard,” Tracy said with a smile.

“Right,” Karen uttered. Of course she had heard. Karen had sold the bar to Tracy’s husband, after all.

“What made you want to do that?” Tracy asked.

“I just—I need a change,” Karen said with a nod.

“What are you going to do now?”

“I’m not sure yet,” Karen said. “But I’ll figure it out.” She paused before adding, “I thought of maybe going to school.”

“Really?” Tracy said, a hint of surprise in her voice.

Karen nodded. “Yes. I’ve been thinking of applying to William and Mary.”

“William and Mary,” Tracy repeated. “In Virginia, right?”

“That’s right.”

Tracy studied her, and Karen could see her mind working. Piecing things together. Just as Kelly had done.

“What’s going on?” Tracy asked finally.

“What do you mean?” Karen said.

“You just seem...off.” Tracy offered a teasing smile and added, “Even for you.”

Karen laughed quietly and looked down at her hands in her lap. “I just thought that if Kelly is going to school on the east coast, maybe I should too.”

“What about Ed?” Tracy asked.

“Ed has the space program,” Karen said.

“But if you’re going to school in Virginia, you’ll barely see each other.”

“We barely see each other when Ed goes to space,” Karen said pointedly. “Why shouldn’t I be able to do what I want to do too?”

Tracy watched her for a long moment before saying, “You should.”

Karen nodded. “I agree.”

“But why now?” Tracy asked.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean—It just seems sudden. And not quite...you.”

“Following my dreams is not quite me?”

“I don’t mean that. I just mean wanting to be away from Ed.” Tracy paused and then asked again, “What’s going on?”

Karen fidgeted, considering what she wanted to say.

“And don’t play dumb,” Tracy added quickly. “I can see that something’s different.”

Karen sighed quietly. She looked at her friend and said, “Ed and I are going through a rough spot.”

“Oh,” Tracy said, frowning. “I’m sorry, Karen.”

“Thanks.”

“But you’ll be okay, right?”

Karen felt tears sting her eyes as she said, “I honestly don’t know.”

“What?” Tracy said. “Of course you will. It’s you and Ed. You guys are—You’re solid.”

“We were,” Karen admitted. At least, they had always seemed to be. They probably looked more solid to the outsider than Karen felt like they were, especially in the last few years.

“What do you mean?” Tracy asked. “What happened?”

Karen was quiet for a long time. She wasn’t sure how much she wanted to share. She was afraid that admitting what she had done might eventually lead to admitting who she had done it with. And she was terrified of losing her best friend because of that. But she was also afraid of losing her husband. And maybe Kelly too. She needed someone to talk to about it all.

“I cheated on him,” Karen admitted quietly.

Tracy’s lips parted as she watched Karen, her expression full of surprise. “Oh, wow.” She paused before adding, “When?”

“A couple weeks ago.”

“With who?”

Karen felt a guilty pang in her stomach. “It doesn’t matter.”

“So, Ed knows you—He knows what happened?”

Karen nodded. “I told him before he left for his Pathfinder mission.”

“Oh, wow,” Tracy said again.

“We hadn’t really talked about it much again until last night. Of course, it turned into a huge fight, and he stormed out. He’s staying at the Shamrock.” She paused. “I only know that because he left a message last night, letting me know that Kelly is staying there too. I guess she heard the whole thing—the fight between Ed and me. She left shortly after Ed did. I tried to stop her, but she was pretty upset. I didn’t know where she had gone until I heard Ed’s message.”

Tracy nodded. She looked at Karen with sympathy but said nothing. Karen assumed Tracy was thinking that she understood Ed’s feelings. Of course, she did. Gordo had cheated on Tracy countless times during their marriage.

Karen had only cheated once, but the hurt was still the same. The betrayal. And now their daughter knew as well.

“Hell, I don’t know what I’m talking about,” Karen admitted. “About you and Gordo. I’m no better than he was back then. Back when you two were married. I always kind of hated him for what he was doing to you,” she confessed. She paused a long time before saying, “But here I am, doing the exact same thing to Ed, and hoping that he comes back to me. Just like Gordo is hoping you come back to him.”

Tracy nodded, her expression one of sympathy.

“Who knew that Gordo Stevens and I had so much in common?” Karen said, letting out a short, wry laugh.

“It’s going to be okay,” Tracy assured her, reaching out to gently squeeze her forearm. “It was just once, right?”

Karen nodded. “And I know it was a mistake, but… He’s so hurt, Tracy.” She looked at her friend and then looked away. She was embarrassed that she was doing the same thing to Ed that Gordo had done to Tracy. She didn’t deserve Tracy’s sympathy.

“He’ll come around,” Tracy said. “Hell, if I can forgive Gordo for all the times he cheated…”

“Have you?” Karen asked. “Forgiven him?”

“I think so,” Tracy said. “Yeah, I have. I just—I’m still trying to decide if I can trust him in a relationship again.”

“Right,” Karen uttered. “And it has taken you ten years to get to this point.”

“It’s different,” Tracy said. “Gordo was so...immature back then. He never took responsibility for what he had done. And he did it so many times. He made a lot of mistakes. Not that I never did. Just...not in the same way.” She paused, staring across the room again. “So, it’s not that it’s taken me ten years to forgive him or consider getting back together with him. I just haven’t thought much about it since the divorce. If he had been more mature back then, more responsible, and had owned up to his mistakes, I may have begun considering it sooner. Hell, we may never even have gotten divorced. Who knows?”

“Right.”

“But it took him losing me, and a whole decade, for him to turn that corner. For him to start realizing the mistakes he had made and what he wanted.” She paused and looked at Karen. “You don’t have to wait that long. You can take responsibility for it now. And if you want to be with Ed, you need to let him know that.”

Karen studied her friend for a long moment. She knew she had made a mistake, and she was willing to take responsibility for that. She wanted to be with Ed, but she wanted things to be different between them. She wanted them to talk, to be open and honest and vulnerable with one another. She wanted to feel like their family was Ed’s number one priority. But Ed was so angry with her. He wasn’t even talking to her. He wasn’t even staying at home. She didn’t know how to bring their family back together. But she wanted to do just that. She had to try.

Finally, she nodded.

Tracy visited for another hour before saying that she needed to take off, mentioning something about going to Gordo’s. Karen walked her to the front door, and they said goodbye. As she watched Tracy walk out to her car, Karen felt a wave of sadness wash over her.

If Tracy ever found out about Karen and Danny, it was only a matter of time before Tracy ended their friendship. Karen watched Tracy drive away and then gently closed the front door, wondering if that visit would be the last time they ever hung out together.

Chapter Text

Kelly sat at a booth at The Outpost. She had spent the previous night at the Shamrock Hotel with her dad. He had been reluctant to let her stay, but she had worn him down.

I’m going to miss this place, she thought, looking around the bar.

It wasn’t that she would never be there. She knew she would. But since her mom no longer owned it, she knew it wouldn’t be the same. She had grown up there. The Outpost held a lot of memories for her. A lot of nostalgia. She had waited tables and helped fill the case of astronaut trinkets and eaten countless plates of spaghetti on spaghetti nights with her mom and dad.

That last thought caused a wave of sadness to wash over her. She didn’t know if she and her parents would ever have spaghetti nights again. As a whole family, anyway. She didn’t know what was going to happen between them. She didn’t know if they would stay together or get divorced. And she had no control over it. Technically, it was between her parents. They would have to figure it out. But Kelly felt caught in the middle, despite her dad specifically saying that he didn’t want that.

She couldn’t help it. They were her parents. She loved them both equally, and she wanted their family to stay together. She was mad at her mom, though. Of course, she still loved her, but Kelly was angry. She was angry that her mom had cheated on her dad. She was angry that it had been with Danny Stevens of all people – someone Kelly considered a friend. She was angry that her dad was staying at a hotel because of it. She was angry that the future of their family was in jeopardy because of what her mom had done.

But she was also angry at Danny Stevens. And that was what had brought her to The Outpost on that particular day. Danny was working at the bar, and Kelly wanted to confront him. She didn’t know what she would say, but she knew that something needed to be said.

So, she waited for him to go on a break. When he finally untied the apron from his waist and set it behind the counter, she gently waved an arm in the air until it caught his attention. She invited him over, and he approached with a small smile on his face.

“Hey,” he said as he reached the table.

“Have a seat,” she said.

He sat across from her. “How’s it going?”

“Well, Danny,” she began, “it’s not great.”

“What do you mean?” he asked, furrowing his brow.

She gave him a pointed look. He searched her eyes for a few moments, and then realization struck. She could see it all over his face. His eyes widened a little bit, and his lips parted.

“How could you do that?” she whispered forcefully, leaning forward and resting her forearms on the tabletop.

Danny’s expression fell. “How did you—Did...your dad tell you?”

“No,” she said. “I heard my parents fighting about it. About you. What does it even matter how I found out?”

“It doesn’t, I guess,” Danny said quietly, lowering his gaze. His hands fidgeted on the tabletop. “I’m sorry,” he said finally.

Kelly stared at him for a long time. After several silent moments, she asked, “Why did you do it?”

“I don’t know,” Danny said quietly.

“You don’t know?” Kelly said with a mix of confusion and disgust. “You dropped a bomb into the middle of my family, and you don’t even know why?”

“No, I just…” Danny sighed, closing his eyes. He scrubbed his palms over his face and then lowered his hands to the tabletop again. “I just don’t think you’re going to like the answer.”

“I don’t like any of this,” Kelly said. “Tell me.”

Danny looked at her, studying her eyes, probably debating about whether or not to tell her the truth.

Kelly waited.

Finally, Danny lowered his gaze again and said, “Because I’m—I have feelings for her.”

“Feelings?” Kelly asked. “What does that mean?”

Danny looked up at her again. His eyes were wide and sad. He looked like a lost puppy, but Kelly couldn’t find it in herself to feel sorry for him in that moment. But then he made a face like he was reluctant to say more, and it clicked for Kelly.

“You mean, you love her?”

Danny hesitated but then nodded. He whispered, “I’m in love with her.”

Kelly’s lips parted. She stared at Danny with her mouth open, unable to formulate any coherent words. She shook her head absently, trying to wrap her mind around her friend being in love with her mom.

Finally, she blurted out, “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m in love with her,” Danny repeated, still in a whisper.

“How?” Kelly demanded. “I mean…” She shook her head. “I don’t understand.”

“I’ve known her my entire life,” Danny explained. “She’s always been so good and kind to me. She was always there for me when my own parents were in space or off training to go to space. There were periods where they were both so busy with astronaut business, that I wouldn’t see either of them for a few days. I would just stay at the Baldwins’ place for half the week until one of them finally came to get me. But Karen always made me feel at home.”

“You were a kid, Danny. Are you telling me that you’ve been in love with her since then?”

Danny shook his head. “No, I—I didn’t start feeling this way until recently. Working here with her—I don’t know. We would see each other almost every day, for hours. She is still so sweet and kind, and I just…” He trailed off and shrugged. “I didn’t mean to fall for her.”

Kelly shuddered. “Quit saying that.”

Danny frowned. “Sorry.”

Kelly shook her head, still trying to process everything Danny was telling her.

“I can’t help it,” Danny said gently. “I just—It’s the way I feel.”

“I get that part,” Kelly said. “Okay? I get that you can’t help the way you feel. But you can help your choices. And you chose to...do what you did.”

Staring down at the tabletop, Danny nodded almost imperceptibly.

“What you did,” Kelly began. “It really hurt my dad. And because of that, it really hurt me.”

Danny looked up at her, frowning. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“My parents are fighting,” Kelly told him. “My dad and I are staying at the Shamrock. Who knows if they’ll stay together. My whole family just blew up, Danny.” She paused before saying, “I hope it was worth it.” Then, she slid out of the booth.

“Kelly, wait,” Danny said.

She stood and looked at him.

“I really am sorry,” Danny said. “I didn’t mean for any of that to happen.”

“Yeah,” Kelly said with a slight nod. “Well, it did.” She turned and headed for the exit.

Chapter Text

After a visit to the NASA flight surgeon, Gordo rumbled into his driveway in his Corvette. He was glad she was still purring after a decade and a half, but he didn’t have the same attachment to the car as he had once had.

When GM had first announced in the 60s that they were leasing vehicles to astronauts for a single dollar, Gordo had been thrilled. He had known immediately that he would get a cherry red Corvette Convertible. That car had become his baby. His pride and joy. He drove that car every chance he got, testing the speedometer, weaving in and out of traffic, racing the other astronauts. He had two boys he was proud of, a beautiful wife, an enviable career, and a hot ride. He was on top of the world back then, and that car had been a constant reminder of that for him. He had felt untouchable.

Over the years, life had humbled him. The incident on the moon nine years earlier, losing Tracy, spending a decade on the ground – all of those things had knocked Gordo down a few pegs. He had lost his arrogance, his cockiness. Losing his mind on the moon had shown him that he wasn’t untouchable. And losing Tracy after that had nearly broken him.

He hadn’t known what to do without Tracy. But she had had enough of his lying and cheating and not being there for her. He had tried to fix those things after returning from the moon, but he hadn’t known how. He had seen a psychiatrist, but it had taken him a long time to open up to Dr. Marsten. He hadn’t wanted to admit what had taken place on the moon. He hadn’t wanted to open up about losing his mind up there for fear that it might get back to NASA. But more than that, Gordo knew he had been in denial about it all. And while he had worked on his own issues, he had still been neglecting Tracy.

He had tried to talk to her about it. Once. But it was the night that Tracy had been called away to the hospital after Shane’s accident. After that, Gordo couldn’t bring himself to talk to her about it again. He couldn’t bring himself to admit what had happened on the moon. And back then, he hadn’t realized the reason. He had simply thought that he had lost his mind at Jamestown. He hadn’t realized that he was afraid of losing Tracy – that the reason he had lost it up on the moon was because he knew that when he returned to earth, things between them were going to change. And not for the better.

And that was exactly what had happened. A few more years had gone by before they were officially divorced, but their relationship had ended long before that. Gordo had lost Tracy. He had been terrified of returning to space. His boys had still looked up to him, but Gordo had lost his spark. His fire. He hadn’t felt like the untouchable astronaut father that his kids had known up until that point. And his car – the speed machine that had always made him feel alive and carefree – had become a simple means of transportation. He hadn’t cared to race the other astronauts anymore because a part of him had stopped feeling like an astronaut. He had known that, technically, he still was. But he hadn’t thought that he would ever return to space. And he had no longer had the drive or the motivation or the excitement about his career like he had once had. Like he had had before his first mission to Jamestown.

His attachment to his car nowadays was more sentimental. He remembered Danny and Jimmy begging to put the top down every time they got into the car when they were little. He recalled a few passionate moments he and Tracy had shared after date nights, before they had gone inside the house to relieve the babysitter. He remembered racing – and losing to – Ed when all the astronauts took the day off to blow off some steam after the Russians had landed first on the moon. And Gordo had taught both of his boys how to drive in that car. He no longer felt untouchable in it, but he cherished all of the memories.

Gordo got out of the car and closed the door. As he walked towards the house, he heard another engine nearing. He turned to see Tracy’s red Porsche roll to a stop behind his Corvette. Unsurprisingly, Sam had replaced her wrecked Porsche weeks earlier with a brand new one.

“Hey, you,” Tracy said, getting out of her car.

“Hey,” Gordo said with a smile, waiting for her to join him on the sidewalk. When she reached him, he pulled her into a hug.

“Where are you coming from?” she asked when they parted. “I saw you roll in when I was down the street.”

“JSC,” he said. “I saw the flight surgeon.”

Her brow knitted together as she looked him over. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, I’m fine. I was just getting a physical. You know, to get my wings back.”

“How’d it go?”

“Good,” he said.

Gordo had been a little nervous at first when showing up at his appointment. Other than a few tender moon wounds, he felt all right. But he had been taking it easy and hadn’t exerted himself at all since his return home. He didn’t know how his condition would hold up under the close scrutiny of the NASA flight surgeon. He had been a little worried that he wouldn’t get cleared to fly again.

The flight surgeon had given him a full physical – one that had rivaled the one he had received to originally become an astronaut. He and Tracy had both gotten blood drawn in Florida immediately after their return to earth. Gordo and the flight surgeon had just gone over the results of all of that at Gordo’s appointment. The flight surgeon had seemed pleased. Gordo’s vitals had looked good. His organs were working properly. His body was functioning as it should. Gordo had asked if he could start exercising again, and the flight surgeon had given him the all-clear to do so. He had advised Gordo to ease into it at first and to not overdo it because his body and muscles would be weak after a couple of weeks of very little movement. The flight surgeon had been confident – and a little surprised, given what had happened on the moon – that Gordo was in good health.

“He cleared me to fly again,” Gordo told Tracy.

Tracy beamed up at him. “That’s great news, Gordo.” She hugged him again. “I’m surprised you didn’t go straight from JSC to Ellington with that news.”

Gordo chuckled softly. “I thought about it.” What he had actually thought about was calling Ed to see if he wanted to meet Gordo at Ellington. It was a brief, fleeting thought, until the events of the evening before came back to him. He hated that he and Ed were on the outs. He figured, at some point, they would make up and be all right again. That was the way their friendship had always gone. It wasn’t the first time they had had a fight, and Gordo was certain it wouldn’t be the last time either. He just hated the in-between time – that time after the fight but before the makeup. He hated that he couldn’t call his best friend to go fly with him.

“Have you had your check-up yet?” Gordo asked.

Tracy shook her head. “I have an appointment next week. I’m not in as big of a hurry as you were.”

Gordo smiled. “I’m in no hurry to get back to space, but…”

“But you love to fly,” Tracy finished.

Gordo nodded.

“Well, I’m glad,” Tracy said. “I’m glad you’re doing well and that you got your wings back.”

“Thanks,” he said softly. Then, “You want to come inside?”

She nodded, and they went inside together.

“Boys here?” she asked as they entered the living room.

Gordo shook his head. “Jimmy said he was going to hang out with Miles. And Danny is working. I stopped by to say hi after JSC. He was on his break and talking with Kelly, so I didn't interrupt.”

“Do you think…” Tracy began but then trailed off.

“What?” Gordo prompted.

“Danny and Kelly,” she said, but that was it.

Gordo waited. He knew where she was going, but he needed a moment to think about his response. He knew there was nothing going on between Danny and Kelly. He knew too much, in fact. It was only a matter of time before Tracy found out, but Gordo didn’t want to be the one to tell her.

“Do you think something is going on between them?”

Gordo casually shrugged and shook his head. “I don’t think so.” He tried to act normal, like he would if he didn’t know what he knew, but he was overthinking it. His mannerisms weren’t coming off normal at all.

“What is it?” Tracy asked.

“What’s what?” Gordo asked, feeling a small smile play on his lips. Tracy knew all of his tells, and a part of him was glad for that. Glad that she knew him that well.

“What do you know?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know something,” she said firmly. “What is it?”

“Just that...I’m pretty sure there’s nothing going on between Danny and Kelly.”

“Why do you say that? Why are you ‘pretty sure’ about that?”

Gordo let out a quiet chuckle, amused by how well she could read him.

“Is he with someone else?” Tracy asked.

Gordo hesitated but then said, “No.” Which was the truth. Danny wasn’t technically with Karen. She had told him that they couldn’t be together or keep doing what they had done.

“I swear, Gordo, if you don’t start telling me what’s going on with my son…”

“Our son,” Gordo corrected.

“Quit stalling,” Tracy demanded.

Gordo smiled a little. Despite the subject matter, he was glad that Tracy was in his house. He was glad they were discussing their children like old times. He was glad they were bantering a bit. They were still standing in the living room, and he waved a hand towards the couch. “Come, sit,” he said.

“Gordo,” Tracy said. Her tone was getting harsher. “Tell me what’s—”

“Please,” Gordo said gently, still gesturing towards the couch.

Tracy sighed and went to the couch to sit. Gordo sat down beside her.

Gordo thought about how he was going to tell her. He didn’t want to tell her, but he knew he needed to. He gathered his thoughts for a few more moments and then let out a soft sigh. “Danny...did something that he shouldn’t have.”

“Okay,” Tracy said, drawing out the sound. “What did he do?”

Gordo sighed and muttered, “He’s going to be so pissed at me for this.”

“For what?” Tracy asked, her voice laced with impatience.

“Danny…” Gordo trailed off, unsure just how much to tell Tracy. Unsure how many details to give her. He had to give her something, but he didn’t think he had to give her everything. “He slept with someone.”

Tracy nodded slowly. He could see the wheels turning behind her eyes.

“Someone that he…” Gordo picked at a fingernail.

“Shouldn’t have?” Tracy finished.

Gordo nodded.

“And by ‘shouldn’t have,’ you mean…” Tracy trailed off. She stared somewhere across the room, and Gordo could see that she was figuring things out. “You mean, she’s in a relationship?”

“Mm,” Gordo hummed his confirmation.

“She’s, what? Is she…” Tracy looked at him. “Is she married?”

Gordo looked back at her and nodded.

Tracy stared at him for a few seconds. Then, her eyes widened and her lips parted. “Oh, shit,” she uttered.

“What?” Gordo asked.

“It’s Karen,” Tracy said. “Isn’t it?”

Gordo furrowed his brow, wondering how she had put that together. “How did you know that?”

“I was just with her,” Tracy admitted. “Right before I came here. She told me what’s going on with her and Ed. That she cheated on him, and Ed and Kelly are both staying at the Shamrock. She didn’t tell me who, but…” She locked her gaze on Gordo and asked, “It’s Danny, isn’t it?”

Gordo hesitated. He didn’t want to admit it. He didn’t want Tracy to know. He didn’t want it to affect her relationship with Karen. They had always had an unusual relationship. They had started off cordial and then a little rocky when Tracy had begun her astronaut training. They had had an uneasy friendship during that time, but over the years, they had gotten closer. Tracy had been there for Karen after Shane had passed. And from what Gordo had gathered, Karen had been there for Tracy when Gordo had been a shitty husband and after the divorce. But he didn’t know how he could keep it from Tracy. She had already figured it out. He could try to lie to her, to tell her it wasn’t Danny. That the two incidents had nothing to do with each other, but he was done lying to her. Besides, she would see right through it, and she would find out the truth eventually anyway. He couldn’t keep it from her. Finally, he nodded.

“That woman…” Tracy scoffed, shaking her head. “She sat there, telling me she always hated you for cheating on me. Telling me to be careful and to make sure you weren’t going to break my heart again. But there she was, holding onto this secret that she...slept with my son. Wow.”

“Can you blame her?” Gordo said.

“For what? For screwing my son? Or for not telling me about it?”

Gordo offered a small, wry smile. “For not telling you about it.”

“I knew what you meant,” Tracy said, a little bit snippy. He understood. A bomb had just been dropped on her. “I can’t believe she did that.” Then, she turned her attention on Gordo again. “How long have you known about this?”

“I just found out yesterday,” he said, hoping that wasn’t long enough for her to be pissed at him too.

Tracy scoffed, shaking her head again. She stared across the room. Gordo remained quiet, letting her gather her thoughts.

“Were you going to tell me?” she asked finally, looking at him again.

He opened his mouth to speak but then closed it again. He thought about his answer and finally, honestly, said, “I don’t know.”

“You didn’t think this is something I should know?”

“I didn’t say that,” Gordo said gently. “I just said that I don’t know. I found out yesterday evening. I guess Ed had just found out. He came over and confronted Danny. It got pretty heated, and I had to intervene and get Ed to leave.”

Tracy furrowed her brow. “He didn’t hurt Danny, did he?”

Gordo shook his head. “But I haven’t really had a lot of time to think about it. I’m still kind of processing, you know?”

“If we were together,” Tracy said, “would that be different?”

“Of course, it would be different.”

“I mean, would you have told me immediately? If we were together, and I had come home last night, and you knew about this, would you have told me then?”

Gordo considered his answer. He knew she was testing him. She wanted to know if she could trust him if they were in a relationship again. Gordo’s stomach flip-flopped at the thought, knowing that if she were asking a question like that, then she was seriously considering getting back together with him. He stepped lightly.

“I think I would have,” he said honestly. “If we were together, I’d feel like we were partners again. I’d want us to be partners, anyway.”

Tracy studied his eyes for a long moment. He looked back at her, hoping the truth was enough for her. Finally, she nodded almost imperceptibly, and he knew he had passed. He repressed a smile, knowing he had just moved one step closer to getting Tracy back.

“I just can’t believe this,” Tracy said, resting her head against the back of the couch.

“Danny says he’s in love with her,” Gordo offered.

“Are you serious?” Tracy turned her head to look at Gordo without lifting it up off the back of the couch. “Is she...in love with him?”

Gordo shook his head. “I guess it was just a one-time thing. She told him that it was a mistake and that they can’t do it again.” Gordo paused. He knew it was the right thing for everyone involved, but he still hated that his son was hurting because of it. “Danny’s pretty upset.”

“I bet,” Tracy said. “Poor kid.” She paused before adding, “Tracy said it happened a couple weeks ago.”

“Yeah. I guess Ed found out right before he went on his Pathfinder mission.”

“Right,” Tracy uttered. Karen had told her that much.

“You and I—We were both at Jamestown already.”

They sat quietly for a few moments. Gordo was lost in thought. He couldn’t help but think that if he hadn’t gone to Jamestown, maybe things would have been different with Danny. He didn’t know how they would have been different, and he knew his mind was looking for any excuse to feel guilty about leaving.

“So, what happened when Ed came here yesterday?” Tracy asked, pulling him from his thoughts. “You said he didn’t hurt Danny, right?”

Gordo shook his head. “He was just angry and yelling. I sent Danny inside and sent Ed home.” Gordo paused. “He’s pissed at me.”

“Ed?”

“Mm. Thinks it’s my fault.”

“How the hell could it possibly be your fault?”

Gordo fought through his guilt and looked at Tracy. “Because, as Danny’s role model, I lied to and cheated on his mom over and over again. I was just an all-around asshole in our marriage.”

Tracy sighed softly. “You’ve made mistakes, sure, but Danny knows better. So does Karen. They made their choices. That is not your fault, Gordo.”

“I know,” Gordo said gently. “But if Danny knows about what I did back then…”

“I don’t think he does,” Tracy said. “I never said anything.”

“Yeah, but we fought, Trace. A lot. I’m sure it came up when the boys were within earshot. We weren’t exactly quiet.”

“Even so…” Tracy trailed off, shaking her head. “We got divorced because of it, Gordo. So, if the boys know about all of that, then they also know that it didn’t end well because of it. There were consequences for it.”

Gordo nodded, realizing that that was also true. He and Tracy hadn’t gotten divorced immediately. They had hung on for several years, but their relationship had ended long before the divorce. Gordo had spent a lot of time at the apartment Tracy had rented for him while he had been at Jamestown. They had stopped doing the things they had used to do as a couple. Basically, they had just become a couple trying to stay together because of the kids. But it hadn’t worked. They had both grown resentful, and the hurt between them had become too much. Their marriage ended years later, and Gordo had spent five years steadily spiraling because of it. If his kids had known about his marital indiscretions, then they also knew how it had affected him afterwards.

“So, Danny is in love with Karen?” Tracy asked, pulling Gordo from his thoughts again.

“That’s what he says.”

“Wow,” Tracy uttered. “Just...wow.”

“I know.”

Chapter Text

After work, Ed picked up a pizza and drove to the Shamrock Hotel. He hated staying there. But even more than that, he hated that his daughter was staying there. He knew she should be in the comfort of her own home, sleeping in her own bed at night. But she was angry with Karen – Ed hated that too, despite how upset he was with Karen – and she wanted to stay with her dad. Ed hadn’t been able to tell her no.

That had become a frequent theme since adopting Kelly. He always found it difficult to say no to her. That had never been the case with Shane. He had told Shane no more than he probably should have. He hadn’t been as close with his son as he would have liked, and that guilt had gnawed at him every single day since Shane’s death. Over the years, Ed had come to realize that having told Shane no more often than he should have was probably the whole reason why he found it so difficult to tell Kelly no. He probably should have put his foot down more often with Kelly, but she was such a kind, sweet young lady, and she had never taken advantage of his tendency to give in to her.

Holding the pizza box against his hip, he used his free hand to unlock the hotel room door. As he entered, he saw Kelly seated against the headboard of the bed farther from the door. After dinner on their first night in the hotel room, Ed had asked her to switch beds with him. She had obliged without question, and he had felt much more comfortable in the bed closer to the door, knowing he was between Kelly and any danger that might try to enter the room. None had, of course, but the switch had eased his mind nonetheless.

“Hey,” Ed said, locking the door behind him. He walked to the table in the corner of the room and set down the pizza box. “I picked up dinner.”

“Okay,” Kelly said quietly.

Ed looked at her. The dim hotel room lights glinted off tears in her eyes as she stared down to where a notebook and folder lay in her lap.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, walking over to the edge of the bed.

“Nothing.” She sniffled and shook her head a little. “I’m fine.”

“Kelly,” he urged, sitting down gently on the edge of the bed. “Talk to me. What’s going on? What happened?”

She glanced up at him, eyes brimming with tears. She lowered her gaze again, softly saying, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“What? Since when do we not talk about things?” he asked, recalling what she had said to him when he had first refused to discuss her desire to apply to the Naval Academy.

She sighed softly.

“Kelly.”

“I just—I don’t want to upset you.”

Ed furrowed his brow. “Honey, you know you can tell me anything.”

“But I…”

“What?” he asked gently.

She shook her head again. “It’s fine. We—It’s nothing.” She picked up the pen that lay on her notebook and started scribbling on the page.

“Kelly,” he said, beginning to worry a little bit. “Talk to me.”

She continued writing, so he reached out and gently put his hand over hers. She stopped but didn’t look up at him.

“Please,” he insisted.

She sighed. She was quiet for a few moments but then finally said, “I talked to Danny today.”

Ed felt his muscles tense a little, but he tried to ignore it. “Okay,” he said calmly.

“I wanted to confront him about what happened. What he and Mom…” She trailed off. “I just can’t believe they did that. And he’s my – was my – friend. I don’t understand how he could do that. Or how she could do that to you.”

Ed let his gaze fall to the comforter. He didn’t understand how Karen could do that to him either. Why she had done it. Of course, Ed hadn’t given her a chance to tell him, but he wasn’t ready to. He wasn’t ready to deal with it or hear her excuses. He needed time to be upset and get through the anger.

“See?” Kelly said. “This is why I didn’t tell you.”

Pulled from his thoughts, he looked at Kelly, furrowing his brow in confusion. “What are you talking about? I didn’t say anything.” It wasn’t until he spoke that he realized he had been clenching his jaw so tightly that his teeth ached.

“I know when you’re pissed, Dad. You’re not very good at hiding it.”

He offered a wry, sheepish smile. He knew she was right about that. He had never been very good at masking his anger. If he was angry, everyone around him knew about it.

“I shouldn’t have said anything,” Kelly said, pulling her hand out from under his. She set the folder and notebook aside on the comforter and folded her arms tightly across her chest.

“I’m not pissed,” he said.

She gave him a skeptical look.

“Not at you. Not for...talking to me about this.”

“But for confronting Danny?”

“No,” he insisted. “I’m not upset with you at all. For anything.”

“Then, what?”

“Just...the whole situation,” he admitted. “It’s difficult to think about it without getting upset.”

She nodded. “Right. Exactly. Which is why I didn’t want to say anything.”

“No, Kelly, it’s all right.”

“I shouldn’t have said anything. I shouldn’t have brought it up. I shouldn’t have brought him up.”

“No.” Ed shook his head. “Hey.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop,” Ed said gently. “You have nothing to apologize for. Honey, I meant what I said. You can talk to me about anything.”

“But I don’t want to upset you.”

“You’re not. It’s not your fault.” He sighed, taking a few moments to gather his thoughts. “This whole situation is upsetting. For everyone. But that doesn’t mean we can’t talk about it. You can tell me anything, Kelly. Anything. At any time. Even if it upsets me, it’s okay. That’s just—That’s a part of life. But we don’t avoid difficult conversations, right?”

Kelly looked at him then. She studied him for a few moments and then nodded. “Right.”

He offered a small smile. “So, please, don’t keep things from me because they might upset me. I’ll be fine. And I’ll never be upset with you for bringing them up. Okay?”

“Okay,” she said gently.

“Come here,” he said, holding out an arm.

She shifted on the bed, leaning forward. He pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly. When they released, she sniffled, and Ed gently wiped a tear from her cheek.

“So, tell me,” he said softly. “What happened when you confronted him?”

“He just…” She shook her head. “I told him how he had messed everything up. That you and I were staying here. That you were upset and hurt, which hurt me.” She paused. “He was apologetic, but…”

“But what?” Ed asked quietly. Hearing about Danny did piss Ed off, but he took slow, deep breaths to keep himself calm. He hated that what Danny and Karen had done was upsetting his daughter so much.

“But that doesn’t really help, does it?” she said, looking at Ed. “They did what they did, and now...everything is messed up.”

“I’m sorry,” Ed said gently.

“No,” Kelly said firmly. “If I have nothing to apologize for, then neither do you. You didn’t cause this.”

Maybe I did, Ed thought fleetingly. Karen had made a decision to sleep with Danny, but Ed couldn’t help but think that maybe he had done something to push her into it. Or not done something. She had done it for a reason. Clearly, she wasn’t entirely happy in their marriage, and he wondered if that was, at least partially, his fault. But he wouldn’t say that to Kelly.

“But now you and Mom…” She trailed off and then asked, “Are you going to get a divorce?”

Ed let his gaze wander, staring at nothing in particular. Speaking honestly, he said, “I don’t know.”

“Do you want to?”

“No,” he said automatically, and he realized it was the truth. He didn’t want to get divorced. He wanted his marriage to work. He wanted to be with Karen. He wanted to be happy with Karen. He just didn’t know if that was still possible.

“So, you still want to stay married?” Kelly asked.

“I don’t…” Ed trailed off with a sigh. “It’s complicated. Your mom and I haven’t really talked about it all yet.”

“Why not?” Kelly asked.

“Because…” He trailed off again, realizing the reason. “Because I haven’t wanted to.”

“Because you’ve been too angry?” Kelly asked.

Ed nodded.

“Will you talk about it?”

“Of course,” Ed said. “Eventually.”

Kelly looked at him for a long time. He let her process. He knew it wasn’t easy for her, and he hated that. He hated that she was in the middle of it all. He hated that she was upset and worried that her parents might get divorced. But he couldn’t promise her anything. He couldn’t promise that he and Karen would stay together. All he could do was tell her the truth.

“I hate this,” Kelly said softly.

Ed nodded gently. “Me too.”

They both sat quietly for several moments. Ed let his focus wander again until it came to a rest on the folder and notebook Kelly had set aside.

Deciding to change the subject, he asked, “What are you working on?”

Pulled from her thoughts, she looked at him with her eyebrows raised in question. He nodded towards the folder and notebook on the bed.

She followed his gaze. “Oh,” she uttered. “My application to Annapolis.”

“How’s that coming along?”

“Good,” she said, picking up the notebook. “I finished my essay. I just need to transfer it to the actual application.”

He nodded, a sense of pride swelling in his chest.

“Will you read over it for me?” she asked.

Ed smiled gently. “Of course.”

“Actually, the whole application.” She picked up the folder and opened it, removing the Naval Academy application. “Make sure it sounds okay.”

“I’m sure it’s great,” Ed said. “But yeah, I’ll look it over.”

Kelly smiled.

Ed held out a hand.

“You don’t have to do it right now,” she said.

“I want to,” he said. “I’ll look it over while we eat.”

“Oh, right,” Kelly said, looking somewhere over Ed’s shoulder.

He assumed she was looking at the pizza box on the table. Then, she handed him the notebook. He took it, seeing that the whole page was covered in Kelly’s neat and legible handwriting.

Kelly got up off the bed and went to the table. She brought the pizza box back to the bed. Ed read over Kelly’s essay as the two of them sat on the bed and ate dinner together.

Chapter Text

“Are you looking forward to the ceremony tomorrow?” Sam asked.

Tracy was seated beside him on the couch, leaning up against him. He had an arm wrapped around her, gently rubbing her upper arm.

“Honestly?” Tracy said. “I’m sort of dreading it.”

“Why?”

“All that attention,” Tracy began but trailed off. She imagined standing up on stage, all of those eyes in the crowd watching her. The only thing that was making her feel like she could go through with it was the fact that Gordo would be up there with her, standing beside her through the whole thing.

“I thought you kind of liked the attention,” Sam said, pulling her from her thoughts.

“I used to,” she said. She had done photo shoots for ads and countless talk shows. She had reveled in it at the time, being the face of NASA. But the glamour of that life had worn off for her. “I thought I did, anyway.”

“You’re being honored for your courage,” Sam reminded her, as if she could have forgotten. "And you get to meet the president."

“Yeah,” she uttered.

“That’s a good thing, right?”

“It is. But I kind of just want this whole thing to be over.” She shifted on the couch to look at him. “You know?”

“I guess,” he said, but his brow was furrowed.

She knew he didn’t understand. No one did. Not really. Well, no one except Gordo.

“I’m so proud of you,” Sam said, smiling at her.

“Thanks.”

“Gordo is probably enjoying all the attention, huh?”

Tracy looked at Sam, surprised that he was bringing up Gordo. “Actually, no,” she said. “He’s kind of feeling how I am.”

“Really?” Sam asked skeptically.

Tracy nodded. “He just wants things back to normal too.”

“The way you talked about him lately…in the weeks and months before your launch…”

“Yeah,” she uttered. “But Gordo has changed. I didn’t realize that then.”

“Changed how?” Sam asked.

Tracy thought about Gordo’s confession at Jamestown – how he wanted Tracy back and how he had told Sam as much. She thought about his confessions since returning home – that he still loved her, wanted to be with her, and wanted her to move back in with him and the boys. Tracy debated how much to tell Sam.

“He’s taking responsibility for things,” she said finally.

“What things?”

“For how he treated me in our marriage, for one.”

“He wants you back, Tracy,” Sam said.

Tracy nodded, unsure how to respond to that.

“He’s going to say whatever he has to to make that happen.”

Tracy shook her head. She knew Gordo better than that. She always had. And she knew when he was lying, when he was trying to pull one over on her. That wasn’t the Gordo she had seen since Jamestown. He had been nothing but genuine with her.

“No,” Tracy said gently. “I can tell he means it.”

“How?”

“Because I know Gordo. His guard is down. He’s been very open and honest lately.”

“Right,” Sam muttered, and Tracy could hear the irritation in his voice. “Because you and Gordo are still so close.”

Tracy looked at Sam for a long moment. “You asked,” she pointed out. “You’re the one who brought up Gordo.”

Sam looked away and sighed audibly. After a few moments, he asked, “Do you still love him?”

“I’ll always love Gordo,” she said without hesitation. Just as she had told Karen two days earlier. “Despite everything he did in our marriage, we’ve always been close. Best friends, really. I know him better than anyone.”

Sam flinched, and Tracy felt a little guilty for saying that last part.

“He’s the father of my children,” she added. “We will always be connected.”

Sam searched her eyes. His own were a little wider than normal, with the inner corners of his eyebrows turned up a bit. He looked like a sad puppy.

“Are you…” Sam began but trailed off.

Tracy knew what he was going to ask, but she let him do it in his own time.

“...in love with him?” he finished finally.

Tracy took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. She had been asking herself that same question for the past couple of weeks. She answered him honestly, softly saying, “I don’t know.”

Sam frowned and lowered his gaze. He looked heartbroken. Tracy hated that.

“Since when do you not know?” Sam asked.

“Since Jamestown,” Tracy said in a whisper.

“You mean, since the two of you saved everyone on the moon and nearly died together?”

Tracy nodded. “And before that, even.”

“That doesn’t—That doesn’t mean you’re in love with him,” Sam said. He sounded desperate to dispel the possibility. “It just means you went through something traumatic together. You’re just feeling extra connected to him because of that.” He reached up and gently played with a lock of hair that hung loosely in front of her shoulder. “That feeling—It will go away.”

Tracy nodded in acknowledgment of what he was saying, but she didn’t agree. It was more than just their shared trauma drawing Tracy to Gordo. It was his vulnerability and honesty lately. It was his willingness to take responsibility for his past mistakes. Of course, the incident on the moon had bonded them in a way that no one else could ever fully understand. But it had also made her realize what was important to her. Her family. Her home.

And along with their kids, Gordo had always felt like home to her.

Chapter Text

Ed sat in a booth downstairs in one of the bars of the Shamrock Hotel. He had a bottle of beer between his hands, and he looked up as Dani entered the establishment. She wore a mild expression of curiosity as she scanned the bar. Ed waved when her eyes reached him, and she walked over.

“Hey,” Ed said. He had thought about saying “Hi, Bob” but decided against it. Despite the tension between him and Gordo, it didn’t feel right saying it without him there.

“Hey,” Dani replied, sliding into the booth across from him. She set her purse aside and looked around the bar.

He assumed she was wondering why they were meeting there instead of The Outpost, but he didn’t offer an explanation. Instead, he flagged down a waiter who came by and took Dani’s drink order.

“How you doing?” Ed asked when they were alone again.

“Good,” she said. “Mostly just taking it easy since returning earthside.”

Ed nodded slowly. “Yeah.”

“It’s good to be back at work, though. Getting back into a normal routine.”

“Yeah,” Ed said again, taking a drink of his beer. As he set it down, he could feel Dani’s eyes boring into him.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“What do you mean?” he asked dully.

Dani gave him one of her patented “You’re not fooling anyone” looks.

Ed smiled sheepishly. The waiter returned with Dani’s beer, and Ed was glad for the interruption.

He lifted his beer bottle, saying, “To getting back into a normal routine.”

Dani hesitated. “Aren’t we...waiting for Gordo?”

Ed had expected the question. It wasn’t uncommon for Ed and Gordo to get drinks together. But it was a little more unusual for Ed and Dani to hang out without Gordo, or even for Gordo and Dani to hang out without Ed. He knew she would find it a little strange that Gordo wasn’t joining them.

Ed shook his head in answer, still holding up his beer bottle. Dani didn’t make a move to join in the toast, so he lowered his bottle to the tabletop.

“Why not?” Dani asked.

“Because he’s not coming.”

“Did you invite him?” Dani asked.

“What?” Ed said. “Afraid to have drinks with just me?”

Dani gave him a look as though he were being ridiculous. “Of course not. But he’s usually here.” She paused, glancing around the hotel bar before adding, “Well, not here, but you know what I mean.”

“Yeah,” Ed said, offering no explanation for any of it.

Dani stared at him, eyebrows lifted. “Well?”

“Well, what?” Ed asked.

Dani exhaled an exasperated sigh. “Did you invite Gordo?”

“No,” Ed answered finally.

“Why not?”

Ed shrugged, staring at his beer bottle.

“Uh oh,” Dani uttered. Then, in a voice that reminded him of their time at Jamestown – after Ed and Gordo had gotten into it on the base – she asked, “What’s going on with you two?”

“What makes you think—”

“Come on, Ed,” Dani urged, not letting him get away with playing dumb. “We can have drinks, just the two of us. It wouldn’t be the first time. But you and I both know that ninety-nine percent of the time, it’s the three of us. Not to mention we’re having drinks in a hotel bar. What’s that about?”

Ed shifted in his seat. He stared at the bottle between his hands, fidgeting as he said, “You know Karen and I are having some issues.”

“Yeah,” Dani said, her tone softening. “I’m sorry, Ed.”

He shrugged. “So, I’ve been staying here.” He glanced up at Dani to gauge her reaction.

She lifted her eyebrows slightly in surprise.

“Kelly and I both have,” he added.

“Oh, Ed.”

He proceeded to tell her about Karen cheating on him and how they had gotten into an argument. He told her that he couldn’t stay at home and how Kelly hadn’t wanted to either. How she had wanted to stay with her dad, despite his insistence that she should be in her own home.

Dani nodded slowly as though processing everything he had just told her. Finally, she said, “But what does that have to do with why Gordo’s not here?”

Ed recalled the argument between him and Gordo at the latter’s house. Ed assumed they would make up eventually – they always did – but Ed wasn’t ready for that yet. He was still processing everything that had happened since finding out that Karen and Danny had slept together. And to be honest, he was still brooding a bit about the whole thing.

“He didn’t—He’s not the one who Karen…?” Dani trailed off, but the question was clear.

“No,” Ed said definitively. “Gordo can be a bastard sometimes, but he would never do that.”

“Then, why are you upset with him?”

“Because it…” Ed shook his head and took a long pull from his beer bottle. When he set it down again, he let out a heavy sigh. “Because it was Danny.”

Dani furrowed her brow. “Danny...Stevens?”

Ed nodded.

“Karen cheated with Gordo’s son?”

“Yup.”

Dani’s lips parted in surprise. She let her gaze wander out into the bar. “Oh, my.”

“Yeah,” Ed muttered, taking another drink. He finished off the bottle and then gestured to the waiter for another.

“But, again,” Dani began, “why are you upset with Gordo?”

“Because,” Ed began, annoyed at Gordo all over again for having to think about the reason. “You know how he treated Tracy.”

Dani nodded slowly.

Ed didn’t think she knew the full extent of Gordo’s extramarital shenanigans, but she knew enough. She knew that Gordo had cheated on Tracy multiple times.

“He set that example for Danny. And now Danny thinks it’s okay to do something like this. To sleep with someone else’s wife.”

“Hm,” Dani uttered, taking a drink of her beer.

Ed waited, wondering what she was thinking. The waiter brought another beer for Ed, and he took a long drink.

“That seems a little…”

“What?” Ed prodded.

“Simplistic,” Dani said.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, even if he set that example for Danny, he also lost Tracy because of it. And he spent years sad and lonely because of those choices. Danny saw that part too. All of the cheating just made things worse for Gordo.”

Ed nodded. He knew that. Of course, he did. Gordo had made his bed, so to speak, in his marriage. But he had also realized what he had lost and had spiraled because of it. Ed had felt for him. Despite Gordo having brought most of it on himself, Ed had never wanted to see his friend go through that kind of pain.

“And I’m going to be honest with you, Ed,” Dani began.

Ed waved a hand as though to say “By all means.”

“You can be a stubborn bastard sometimes,” Dani said plainly.

Ed smirked despite himself.

“Don’t get me wrong. That is an amazing quality in some situations, like commanding a mission. It means you’re dogged and determined and you find ways to persevere under pressure and adversity.”

“But?” Ed asked, knowing she wasn’t saying that just to compliment him.

“But,” she continued, “it also means that you hold onto your anger too tightly. You dig your heels in, choosing to stay pissed instead of working towards forgiveness.”

“What are you saying?” Ed asked, a little annoyed that she wasn’t completely on his side. Not that he had expected her to be. Dani had always been a rational, level-headed woman. Where Ed had often had trouble putting himself in someone else’s shoes, Dani had always been good at seeing situations from all sides. “You think I should forgive Danny and Karen for what they did?”

“That might take some time,” Dani said. “But maybe start by forgiving Gordo.”

“He told me I should’ve paid more attention to Karen.” Ed shook his head. “Like this is all somehow my fault.”

“It’s not your fault, Ed,” Dani said simply. “But no matter what kind of example Gordo may or may not have set for his boys, both Danny and Karen are adults who make their own decisions. And none of what they did was Gordo’s fault either.”

Ed stared out into the bar, not focusing on anything in particular. “Maybe he’s right, though.”

“What do you mean?”

“Gordo. About me. About not paying enough attention to Karen.”

“What are you talking about?” Dani asked. “You hadn’t gone on a mission for nearly a decade. You were home every night, right?”

Ed nodded absently. “But maybe I wasn’t...emotionally available to her.”

“Even so,” Dani began, “that doesn’t mean what Karen and Danny did was okay. And it doesn’t mean it was your fault. If she was unhappy, she should’ve talked to you, Ed.”

“Yeah,” Ed uttered. “But maybe I didn’t allow that,” he said, but it came out sounding more like a question. “Maybe I made her feel like she couldn’t talk to me.” He scratched absently at the back of his head. When he lowered his arm again, he looked at Dani and said, “I don’t want this to be over.”

“Then, don’t let it be,” Dani insisted. “You should talk to Karen.”

“Yeah,” Ed said gently, wondering how that conversation would go. He wouldn’t admit it aloud, but he was afraid to find out. He was afraid Karen didn’t want to be with him any longer. He was afraid his marriage was over. But as long as he stayed at the Shamrock – as long as he could postpone the conversation with Karen – he could hold onto hope that the two of them could fix their marriage.

“And you should talk to Gordo,” Dani added, pulling Ed from his thoughts.

Ed nodded slightly. He thought about that. About talking to Gordo. It wasn’t the first time the two of them had had words or been pissed at each other. Ed was sure that it wouldn’t be the last time either. But they had always made up. They had always gotten over whatever it was that had pissed them off in the first place. He wasn’t afraid that their friendship was over, like he was afraid that his marriage might be. He knew that he and Gordo could fix things between them. That they would stay friends. Talking to Gordo would definitely be the easier of the two conversations he needed to have.

“Yeah,” Ed uttered finally. “I’ll do that.”

Chapter Text

Gordo manned the grill. He kept a close eye on the steaks and corn-on-the-cob sizzling in front of him. His boys were setting the table on the patio, bringing out plates, silverware, condiments, and anything else they thought they might need for dinner. As Gordo used the grill tongs to flip a steak, the sliding glass door at the back of the house opened, and Tracy stepped through.

“Hey, y’all,” she said. She walked over to the table, hugging the boys in turn.

Gordo smiled. “Hey, Trace.”

He had invited Tracy the day before, and she had said she would be there, but Gordo hadn’t been sure. Tracy had been spending a lot of time at the house, and Gordo wondered how that was sitting with Tracy’s husband. But he was glad to see her. Glad that she had accepted his invitation to dinner.

The boys continued setting the table while Tracy walked over to Gordo and the grill.

“So, are you keeping this new look?” she asked.

He looked at her, brow furrowed in question. “What do you mean?”

“The beard.” She reached out and gently placed a palm to his cheek for a couple of seconds before lowering her hand.

“Oh.” He chuckled softly. “I haven’t shaved since Jamestown. I guess it’s really coming in, huh?”

“Yeah.” She paused before adding, “I like it. It looks good.”

“Thanks.” He smiled. “I’m not sure if I’m keeping it or not. I haven’t given it much thought.”

She nodded. “We’ve had a few other things going on, huh?”

“Yeah.” He watched her for a long moment. He could still feel the gentle pressure of where her hand had touched his cheek.

She smiled gently and then turned to look at the steaks on the grill. “Wow, those look great,” she said. “I’m starving.”

“Thanks. And that’s good because they’re pretty much done.” He flipped the rest of the steaks and let them sizzle for a few more moments. Then, he grabbed a plate from a small table he had set up beside the grill. He used the tongs to move the steaks from the grill onto the plate.

“I’ll take those,” Tracy said. Gordo gave her the plate of steaks, and she went to the table with them. Gordo used a second plate to remove the corn-on-the-cob from the grill. He set the tongs on the small table, replaced the lid on the grill, and joined his family at the patio table.

“I’ve got beers and Cokes in the cooler,” Gordo said. “Who wants what?”

“I’ll take a beer,” Tracy said.

“Me too,” Danny added.

“Same,” Jimmy said.

Gordo chuckled at his younger son. “Nice try.” He went to the red drink cooler and retrieved two beers and two Cokes. He returned to the table and passed them out, giving Jimmy a Coke and keeping one for himself.

“Not drinking tonight?” Tracy asked as Gordo took a seat across from her at the end of the table.

He shook his head. He imagined that that was a bit of a surprise to her. In all the years they had known each other, he had rarely ever said no to alcohol. It wasn’t until his training for Jamestown 91 that he had begun to cut back. “I got used to not drinking much before my launch.”

“That’s good,” she said, eyeing him with a smile of admiration. “I’m proud of you.”

He smiled, feeling a mild wave of bashfulness at her praise. “Thanks.”

Tracy turned to their boys, looking back and forth between them as she asked, “What’s new with you two?”

Jimmy shrugged. “I beat a new level on my game.”

“Oh. Good job.”

Gordo understood the draw of video games and computers and some of the new technology that had emerged in recent years. And Jimmy had a knack for all of it. He had started showing an interest in computers and how they worked. Gordo had even caught Jimmy fiddling with their video comm one day before his launch. Gordo had walked in to find Jimmy with the back of the comm removed, examining the circuitry inside. Jimmy had apologized quickly, trying to hurriedly put the back panel on again, but Gordo had told him that it was okay and to just make sure he didn’t mess anything up that he couldn’t fix again. Gordo was sure that if Jimmy had messed something up, NASA would have sent over a new video comm in a heartbeat, but Gordo didn’t want to take advantage of that. Besides, he had had every confidence that Jimmy knew what he was doing and wouldn’t mess anything up to begin with. Which was true. Jimmy had taken apart the comm and put it back together without issue. It still worked well, and if Gordo were being honest, he thought it was actually working better than it had originally.

But for all of Jimmy’s interest in computers and the newest technologies, it meant he spent a lot of time indoors. Mainly in his bedroom. Gordo was a little concerned that Jimmy wasn’t getting out enough, but Jimmy had found something he was interested in and good at, and Gordo wanted to support that. Especially since his return from the moon. Gordo always wanted his boys to be happy, but after what had happened at Jamestown, he was more aware of their emotions. He knew Jimmy, especially, was having a difficult time with all of it, and Gordo wanted him to do whatever made him feel better and happier. If that meant that Jimmy was spending a little more with his video games lately, then Gordo was okay with that.

“Miles hasn’t even done that,” Jimmy said, pulling Gordo from his thoughts. “He’s still stuck on level five.” Jimmy chuckled and shook his head. “I’m going to show him how it’s done. It’s going to be radical. Maybe I could have him come over later.” He looked at Gordo, eyebrows lifted in question.

“Sure,” Gordo said.

Jimmy and Miles had been friends for years. They had met at school and bonded over their shared interest in video games. Miles was a good kid. He had never been in any trouble as far as Gordo knew. He always called Gordo “Mr. Stevens” or “sir.” Gordo had never been one for that kind of formality, and he had told the kid to just call him Gordo, but Miles had never wavered. Gordo wondered if Miles’s father expected that kind of formality from him, kind of like Ed had expected from Shane.

“What about you?” Tracy asked, turning to Danny.

“I have a shift tonight,” Danny said. “Other than that, I’ve just been preparing to head back to Annapolis.”

“Right,” Tracy said. “You leave Sunday morning, yeah?”

Danny nodded.

“Well, then, we should get together again tomorrow night,” Tracy said. She looked at Gordo. “I could have the kids over at...my place.”

Gordo picked up on her hesitation. He wondered if she had been about to say “Sam’s place” instead. Gordo had been inside Sam’s house in the past. It was more like an estate or a mansion, really. He couldn’t imagine Tracy living there, day in and day out. He knew she could adapt to any situation, and she had lived in the limelight for years, doing her ad campaigns and talk shows. She might have enjoyed the glamour of that life for a while, but he knew her better than that. And he knew that that lifestyle wasn’t really her. She was down to earth and humble. She enjoyed simple pleasures, like flying old, beaten-up Cessnas and attending casual, weekend barbecues. She might have been drawn to the shiny newness of Sam’s life because she had never lived it before, but Gordo knew her at her core. He knew that diamonds and brand new Porsches would only hold their luster for her for a short time. Tracy would always return to simple pleasures.

Gordo shook his head. “We can do it here.”

Tracy hesitated again. “Sam will probably want to say goodbye.”

“Ah.” Gordo nodded his understanding. “Okay.”

“So, maybe you could swing by for a little bit, Danny,” Tracy said. “Visit with Sam for a few?”

“Sure,” Danny agreed.

“Then, we could come back here,” Tracy offered.

Gordo smiled, glad that Tracy wanted the four of them to be together on Danny’s last night in town. “Should I fire up the grill again?”

Tracy shook her head. “I’ll cook something. Is your oven working?”

“I don’t know. We might need a new one. It wasn’t working right when I tried to bake Jimmy’s birthday cake.”

“Right.” Tracy chuckled. Then, teasingly, she said, “I’m sure the oven was the problem.”

Gordo grinned. He was hopeless in the kitchen. He had learned to make a few simple meals – like frying eggs or making grilled cheese in the skillet – but he hadn’t gotten the hang of anything more complicated than that.

“I’ll test it out later,” Tracy said. “I’m sure it’s fine.”

“It’s definitely broken,” Gordo said with a playful grin. “That has to be it.”

“Of course. It couldn’t be that you are a terrible chef.”

“Ouch,” Gordo said playfully. “I guess you aren’t enjoying your steak, then. I’ll take that for you.”

“No, no,” Tracy said, wielding her fork like a weapon, preparing to stab anyone who might attempt to take her steak from her. “You’ve always been good on the grill.”

Gordo chuckled.

“What would you like for dinner tomorrow?” Tracy asked Danny as she lowered her weaponized fork.

“Anything’s fine.”

“Lasagna?”

“Sure.”

“Lasagna, it is.” Tracy smiled. “Are you excited to get back to Annapolis?”

“Yeah,” Danny said. “I mean, I’d love to stay here with you guys, but…”

Tracy nodded slowly. Gordo could see her mind working. Then, softly and seriously, she said, “I think it will be good for you.”

Danny looked at her, furrowing his brow a bit. “What do you mean?”

“Nothing. Just that I think it will be good for you to get back to some sense of normalcy.” She looked at Jimmy and then Gordo. “I think we could all use that.”

Gordo nodded his agreement.

“After everything,” Tracy added.

“Right,” Danny muttered. “After the whole moon incident.”

“Yeah,” Tracy agreed. “That and...other things.”

Gordo cringed internally. He knew what Tracy was hinting at – Danny and Karen’s affair – and Gordo knew that Danny was going to be upset if he found out that his mom knew.

“What things?” Jimmy asked.

“Just...life, baby,” Tracy said.

Danny eyed his mom closely. Gordo could see him piecing it together. Then, he looked at Gordo. Gordo offered a small, wry smile.

Danny’s lips parted. He looked at his mom and then back at Gordo. “Did you tell her?” he demanded.

Gordo grimaced slightly.

“Hey, don’t be mad at your father,” Tracy said, defending Gordo. “I put it together.”

“How?”

“I talked to Karen.”

“She told you?” Danny said, eyes wide with shock.

“No, not exactly.”

“What’s going on?” Jimmy asked.

Everyone went quiet. Gordo felt guilty. He hadn’t meant to upset his son. He hadn’t wanted to tell Tracy about Danny and Karen, but she had been able to see that something was on his mind, and Gordo was done lying to her. Besides, she deserved to know what was going on with her kid.

“We don’t have to talk about it,” Tracy said. “But just know that you can,” she added. “You can always talk to your daddy or me about anything.” She looked back and forth between the boys and said, “Both of you.”

“I’m so confused,” Jimmy muttered.

Danny wore an expression of embarrassment as he stared down at his half-eaten steak.

“It’s okay,” Gordo offered.

“I can’t believe you told her.”

“I…” Gordo trailed off and sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“No,” Tracy said. “It’s fine. I already knew half the story. I just sort of pulled the rest out of you.”

“Is anyone going to explain?” Jimmy asked.

“I slept with Karen,” Danny blurted out, to Gordo’s surprise.

“What?” Jimmy said. He chuckled, looking from Danny to Tracy to Gordo, clearly thinking it was some sort of joke he didn’t understand. Focusing on Danny again, he said, “You’re kidding, right?”

No one said a word.

Evidently taking their silence as confirmation that Danny was not kidding, Jimmy said, “Well, no wonder Mr. Baldwin was so pissed when he was here the other day.”

“Jimmy,” Gordo urged. When his younger son looked at him, Gordo shook his head as though to tell him to stop.

“No, it’s fine,” Danny insisted. “I did it. And we’re not keeping secrets anymore, right?” He looked pointedly at Gordo. “That’s your new philosophy, isn’t it?” The aggressive edge in his voice was unmistakable.

“It is,” Gordo admitted, unfazed by his son’s tone.

“Like how you’re still in love with Mom and want to be with her. You want her back, isn’t that right?”

“Hey,” Tracy said firmly.

“It’s true, though, right?” Danny said, looking at his mom. His tone had softened a bit with her. When she said nothing, Danny looked back and forth between his parents. Finally, his focus landed on Gordo as he said, “Oh, sure, that we’re not going to talk about. But what Karen and I did—That’s fair game? That’s bullshit.”

“That’s enough,” Gordo said calmly but firmly.

“Yeah,” Tracy agreed. “I don’t care if you are an adult, you don’t speak to your father that way.”

Danny exhaled heavily, shaking his head.

“Kid,” Gordo began gently, “I get that you’re pissed at me for telling your mom, okay? But—”

“Your dad was just doing what he thought was right,” Tracy interjected. “And I was going to find out anyway.”

“Right,” Danny said, not looking at any of them. Gordo could tell that he was embarrassed, and that was why he was lashing out. Danny pushed his chair back and got to his feet.

“Hey,” Tracy said. “Where are you going?”

Danny said nothing as he walked towards the house. He opened the sliding glass door and disappeared inside.

Gordo sighed, leaning back in his chair. He looked at Tracy who just shook her head. He could tell she was aggravated with Danny’s reaction. Gordo understood it, but he appreciated Tracy’s desire to defend him.

“So, is dinner done, then?” Jimmy asked, looking back and forth between the two of them. “Can I go call Miles to come hang out?”

“Sure,” Gordo said. “Take your plate with you.”

Jimmy did as instructed, cleaning up his spot at the table. Then, he left the patio, disappearing into the house as well.

“That kid,” Tracy said, shaking her head.

“It’s fine,” Gordo assured her.

“No, it’s not. He shouldn’t be speaking to you that way. Does he do that a lot?”

“Of course not,” Gordo said. “He’s just upset that I told you about what happened.”

“I was going to find out anyway,” she reiterated.

“I know.”

Tracy sighed. “I shouldn’t have said anything. You know, about them being able to talk to us. I just—I don’t want him to feel like he has to keep something like that from me.”

Gordo repeated, “It’s fine.”

They sat quietly for a few moments.

Then, Tracy said, “I don’t know about you, but I’m finishing this steak.”

Gordo smiled and then chuckled softly, glad for the break in the tension. “Yeah,” he said, picking up his knife and fork. “Me too.”

When the two of them finished dinner, Gordo and Tracy cleaned up the patio table and returned to the house. As Gordo piled dishes in the sink and turned on the faucet, Tracy put a hand on his forearm. Gordo looked at her.

“I got this,” she said.

He shook his head. “No, you’ve cooked and cleaned more than your fair share of times for this family. It’s my turn.”

“True,” Tracy agreed with a smirk. “But why don’t I take care of this, and you go talk to our son?”

“I might not come back,” Gordo joked with a smirk. “He’s pretty pissed.”

She chuckled. “Just go.”

He laughed softly and left the kitchen. He found Danny’s bedroom door closed, and he knocked.

“Yeah?” Danny called from inside.

Gordo opened the door, seeing Danny standing in the middle of the room. It looked as though he had been caught mid-pace.

“Hey,” Gordo said gently. He wasn’t sure if Danny had had enough time to calm down and collect himself.

But then Danny’s eyes began to glisten. He turned away for a moment and swiped at them. Then, he turned back to Gordo. Not looking him in the eye, he quietly said, “I’m sorry, Dad.”

“Hey, come here.” Gordo walked over and pulled his older son into a hug. “It’s all right.”

“I’m sorry,” Danny whispered against Gordo’s shoulder, sniffling quietly.

“It’s okay.”

After a few moments, Danny said, “I was just surprised. I didn’t know that Mom knew.”

“I know, buddy,” Gordo said. “But you know we’re here for you, right? Both of us.”

Danny nodded against Gordo’s shoulder. He sniffled again. After a few moments, he pulled back, turning away to swipe at his eyes again.

“You okay?” Gordo asked.

Danny turned back to him and nodded. It took him a few moments, but he finally looked Gordo in the eye again.

Gordo offered a small smile. “It’ll be okay,” he assured his son. “Getting back to Annapolis will be good for you.”

Danny nodded, seeming to gather himself again. “Yeah,” he agreed. “I think so too.”

“Good. So, do you still want us all to have dinner tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Danny said. “It might be several weeks until I see you all again.”

“Mm. Probably Thanksgiving, huh?”

Danny nodded. “Probably.”

“Well, we’ll do it up right tomorrow, then,” Gordo said. “I’ll bake a cake.”

“Bake?” Danny asked skeptically.

“Buy,” Gordo corrected with a sheepish smile.

Danny chuckled softly. “That’s more like it.”

Gordo left the room a few minutes later to let Danny get ready for his shift at The Outpost.

“Good to see you still have all your limbs,” Tracy teased when Gordo re-entered the kitchen.

Gordo chuckled. “Yeah, it was fine.”

“How is he?”

“Embarrassed about what happened with Karen and that you know about it.” He looked at Tracy. “But he’ll be okay.”

A few minutes later, while Gordo was drying the dishes as Tracy washed, Danny came in to say goodbye. Tracy folded the dish cloth on the edge of the sink and dried her hands on a towel. Then, she gave Danny a hug. He apologized softly to her as Tracy rubbed his back and told him it was okay. Then, Danny left for work.

Gordo and Tracy finished the dishes and went into the living room to sit. They talked for a few minutes before there was a knock at the front door. Gordo started to get up when he heard Jimmy shout, “I got it,” as he emerged from his bedroom.

After answering the door, Jimmy walked past the living room with Miles, both chatting animatedly about something. Video games, Gordo assumed. A few moments later, Jimmy’s bedroom door clicked closed, and the sound of their voices vanished.

Gordo relaxed on the couch. He looked at Tracy who had her head resting against the back of the couch. She casually tilted her head from one side to the other, scanning the room.

“It looks the same,” she said.

“What?”

She looked at him and said, “It looks the same as when I lived here.”

He nodded.

“I would’ve thought you would have made some changes.”

“Why?” he asked. “I like it this way.” He paused before saying the honest thought on his mind. “It reminds me of when you lived here.”

“That’s why you’ve kept it this way?”

He shrugged.

She looked at him for a long time.

“Why did you come tonight?” he asked quietly.

“What do you mean?” she said. “I wanted to have dinner with my boys.”

“They could’ve come to your place,” he pointed out.

“They live here. It’s just easier, and I figured they’d be more comfortable here anyway.”

“Mm.” Gordo looked down at his hands in his lap. He picked at a fingernail as he asked, “Is that the only reason?”

Tracy was quiet for a few moments. Gordo looked at her again. Finally, she said, “Sam and I...had a thing.”

“A thing?”

“Not really a fight, but…” She shrugged a shoulder. “He just doesn’t really get it.”

“Get what?”

“What happened on the moon.”

“Mm. Does anyone?”

Tracy looked him in the eyes. “You do.”

Gordo held her gaze, afraid to look away. Afraid to break whatever spell had been cast between them. He felt a nervous fluttering in his stomach, not unlike what he had felt when first meeting Tracy twenty-two years earlier, when she had schooled him in the Cessna and started taking possession of his heart.

He had told Tracy at Jamestown that she had scared the living shit out of him back then and that he was still scared. It was true. Gordo was terrified. Terrified that he would put himself out there only to be rejected. Terrified that he wouldn’t be rejected but would somehow screw things up between them again.

But he welcomed that fear.

Letting his gaze fall to Tracy’s lips, Gordo finally whispered, “Yeah.”

“And Sam doesn’t really understand why I’m not looking forward to tomorrow.”

At the mention of Sam, Gordo lifted his focus from Tracy’s lips. He looked her in the eyes again. “Why aren’t you?” He could make an educated guess as to why Tracy wasn’t looking forward to the ceremony the next day. It was probably the same reason why he wasn’t looking forward to it either, but he wanted Tracy to open up to him, since she apparently hadn’t been able to do that with Sam.

“I just want it all to be done. I want to move on. Don’t you? You don’t seem that eager for tomorrow either.”

“Eager?” he uttered. “No, definitely not.”

“Why?”

Gordo shrugged. “We just did what anyone would do, you know? We just happened to be the ones who were there to do it.”

“Right.”

“And it’s just—Tomorrow will be a reminder of it all, you know? What we almost lost. What we almost did to Danny and Jimmy.”

Tracy nodded.

“But I do feel like, maybe after tomorrow, maybe once all of this is out of the way, we can start putting it all behind us. Maybe the boys can start to heal too. Especially Jimmy.”

“Yeah,” Tracy whispered. “I hope so too.”

They looked at each other for a long moment. Gordo glanced at Tracy’s lips again.

“Will you be in your dress blues tomorrow?” she asked.

He smiled. “Yeah. I’ve got them ready to go.”

“It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you in those.” She paused. “Do they still fit?”

He chuckled. “Surprisingly, yes. A few months ago, that would’ve been a different story.”

“Well, I can’t wait to see you in them again.”

“You know, you don’t have to wait,” Gordo offered. “I can give you a sneak preview tonight.”

Tracy cocked an eyebrow, and he could tell that she was intrigued.

Gordo grinned. “Come on,” he said, holding out his hand.

Tracy looked at his hand and then up at his face. “Don’t be getting any ideas, mister.”

He chuckled. “That’s what you said the last time we went to my bedroom.”

“And I still mean it.”

He smiled and waggled his fingers. She put her hand in his and they got to their feet, headed to the bedroom.

Tracy lingered just outside the door while Gordo changed into his dress blues. He looked himself over in the mirror, making sure everything was in place and looked as it should. He tucked his cap beneath his arm and called to Tracy to let her know he was dressed.

The bedroom door opened, and Tracy walked in, slowly looking Gordo over.

“Wow,” she uttered.

Gordo smiled.

“You look…” she began but trailed off.

He grinned. “I hope the end of that sentence is good.”

She smiled and said, “You look handsome, Gordo.”

He chuckled softly, assuming “handsome” was not the first word that had come to mind for her. But he didn’t push her on it.

“Thanks,” he said.

“And look at this,” she said, stepping over in front of him. She put her hand under his wrist and lifted it. She used her other hand to gently place her fingers over the gold bars stitched into his cuff. She shook her head and then looked up at him with a smile. “Admiral Stevens.”

He laughed softly. “It’s going to take a while to get used to that.”

“I’m proud of you,” she said softly, letting him lower his arm again.

“I’m proud of you,” he said.

She smiled gently. “Thanks.” She paused before adding, “I’m going to have to step up my wardrobe to find something to make me look as good as you do at that ceremony tomorrow.”

Gordo shook his head. “You will always be the most beautiful person wherever you go, Trace. No matter what you wear.”

Tracy looked up at him. She searched his eyes, and he didn’t look away. He wanted so badly to kiss her, but he didn’t. He wouldn’t. Not yet. Not while she was still undecided about her marriage and her feelings for Gordo.

“That’s sweet, Gordo,” she said softly. “Thank you.”

“It’s the truth.”

She smiled and then looked him over again. “I always loved you in your Navy uniform.”

He grinned. “Not as much as you loved me out of it.”

Tracy let out an exasperated sigh and rolled her eyes. “You just had to ruin a nice moment by dragging it into the gutter.” She shook her head and turned towards the door.

He reached out and gently took her hand, stopping her. “Sorry,” he said with a small smile. “I’m sorry. I’ll behave.”

“Well, that ship has sailed.” She narrowed her eyes at him, but there was no real anger behind it.

Gordo flashed a boyish grin. Tracy looked annoyed with him, but she didn’t try to leave again, and she didn’t let go of his hand.

He turned to lay his cap down on the bed and then gently pulled Tracy’s hand towards him, drawing her closer. She stared at him for a long moment and then stepped closer to him again.

“Dance with me,” he said gently.

She eyed him dubiously.

“I’ll be good,” he promised.

She hesitated and then said, “There’s no music.”

Gordo started to hum a tune. Then, softly, he began to sing.

Tracy smiled, and he could feel her relax. He held onto her hand and gently placed his other on her waist.

Gordo lifted Tracy’s hand above her head, and she slowly twirled once. Then, she leaned into him, and he was surprised when she rested her head against his shoulder. He slid an arm around her, gently placing his hand at the small of her back.

The two of them swayed back and forth, dancing slowly in the bedroom. Gordo felt a tug at his heart. He missed that. He missed dancing with Tracy for no reason. He missed her leaning against his chest. He missed it all. And he wanted it back.

As Gordo continued to sing, he felt Tracy shudder gently against his chest and shoulder.

He stopped singing and gently asked, “You okay?”

Tracy nodded but said nothing. She let go of his hand, and he thought she was going to pull away, but instead, she wrapped both arms around him. He did the same and softly kissed the top of her head.

After a few moments, she pulled back and sniffled.

Gordo frowned, seeing tears glistening in her eyes and on her cheeks. “What’s wrong?” he asked, gently wiping away her tears with his thumb.

“I don’t know,” she whispered.

“Trace,” he began, also in a whisper. “Talk to me.”

“It’s just been a lot,” she admitted. “These last few weeks.”

He nodded. He understood completely. He hated that she was crying – it made his chest ache to see that – but he was glad she felt comfortable enough with him to let herself be vulnerable that way.

He wrapped his arms around her again, gently pulling her close. When she relaxed against him, resting her head on his shoulder again, he spoke softly.

“I’m here, Trace,” he whispered. “I’m always here.”

Chapter Text

Gordo woke up early. It was Saturday. The day of the medals ceremony. He and Tracy were being honored for their “brave service to the nation and to the world.” That was how it had been worded when they had first found out they were going to receive medals for what they had done on the moon. Gordo was only looking forward to it because he felt like the ceremony would close the chapter on what had happened on the moon. After the ceremony, he hoped his family could begin to move forward.

Gordo got up and fixed breakfast – eggs and bacon in the skillet – and then knocked on his boys’ doors. Danny was awake and came out immediately. Jimmy groaned about having to wake up early – because, to him, any time before eleven in the morning was “early” – but he joined Gordo and Danny in the kitchen a few minutes later.

After breakfast, Gordo went to the bathroom to shower. When he was finished, he wiped the steam from the mirror and eyed his mustache and the two-and-a-half weeks’ worth of stubble on his face. Then, he got out his razor and shaving cream. He shaved the stubble from his cheeks, jaw, and chin. He wasn’t used to his beard growing in, and despite Tracy saying she liked it, he thought it would give a freshness to his face he hadn’t seen nor felt in weeks.

When he finished with the stubble, he eyed his mustache. He had worn that look for a few years, and he had gotten used to the way it looked and felt. But a part of him felt like he was starting over in a way. He was entering a new era of his life, and he wanted a fresh start.

He used his facial hair scissors to trim down his mustache. Then, he covered his upper lip in shaving cream and used his razor to get a close, clean shave. When he finished, he wiped the excess shaving cream from his face with a towel and examined the shave job in the mirror. He hadn’t been completely clean-shaven in years, and he thought it made him look younger.

He returned to his bedroom to get dressed. He put on his dress blues for the ceremony, making sure everything was in order, including his gold astronaut pin. It still surprised him to see the Admiral bars on his sleeve cuffs instead of the bars he had previously worn as a Captain.

He emerged from his bedroom about twenty minutes before time to leave. Jimmy joined him in the living room first, wearing black slacks and a blue button-down shirt, with one of Gordo’s old black suit jackets over it. It was a little long on him, but he looked handsome, and Gordo told him so.

“Thanks,” Jimmy said, eyeing his dad. “I haven’t seen you in uniform in a long time.”

Gordo smiled. “Yeah, it’s been a few years, hasn’t it?”

Danny entered the room a few minutes later, also wearing his Navy dress blues. He reminded Gordo of a younger, skinnier version of himself. The way Gordo had looked during his first couple years at Northwestern.

Seeing his dad, Danny stopped and saluted him. “Admiral Stevens.”

Gordo smiled. “Stop that.”

Danny lowered his arm. “You know I’m required to salute everyone higher-ranking than me while in uniform.”

Gordo nodded. “Oh, I know. But I’m your dad. You don’t have to do that with me, and especially not in our own home.”

Danny smiled. “I don’t mind.”

“Well, I appreciate the respect,” Gordo said with a chuckle.

They all stood in the middle of the living room floor. Gordo looked from Danny to Jimmy, back and forth.

Finally, he said, “I’m proud of you boys.”

Danny offered a small smile as Jimmy asked, “For what?”

“For everything. For being yourselves. For holding down the fort while your mom and I were away. For looking after each other during that time. I know how hard all of that must have been after what happened up there.”

Jimmy nodded, and Danny offered a small, wry smile. Gordo could tell that they didn’t really know what to say. He could tell he was making them a little uncomfortable with his sudden praise. He let out a short, quiet chuckle.

Gordo was changing. He could feel it happening. It had been happening for a few weeks, since before he had left for Jamestown. His honesty and vulnerability weren’t reserved solely for Tracy. He wanted to be open and honest in all aspects of his life, including with his boys. He hadn’t been as forthcoming about his feelings in the past, but that was going to change. And if that made his boys uncomfortable, Gordo knew that they would just have to get used to it. Because they deserved to know how proud Gordo was of them, and he was determined to tell them more often.

The three of them left in Gordo’s second car – since the Corvette didn’t seat more than two – a few minutes later. They arrived at the venue ten minutes earlier than planned, and there was already a crowd gathered. Gordo had never been shy. Crowds didn’t unnerve him, and he loved being around people. But knowing that every single person in that crowd was there to see him and Tracy receive their medals up on stage, it made his stomach tighten in a way he wasn’t used to.

“Did the caterpillar crawl away?”

Gordo turned his head to see Tracy approaching with Sam by her side. She wore a blue pant suit, and her hair hung loosely in waves in front of her shoulders. Her gold astronaut pin was attached to her lapel. Gordo recalled the day he had pinned that to her collar. It was the day she had returned safely home after her Apollo 25 mission. Gordo couldn’t help but smile seeing her now.

“What?” he asked, and she gestured to her own upper lip. “Oh.” He chuckled. “Yeah, it was time.”

“You look younger,” she said.

He smiled. “You look beautiful.”

“Thanks.” She opened her arms and pulled him into a hug.

Gordo refused to look at Sam while they hugged, but he imagined that Sam was eyeing them closely, probably seething a bit inside. Gordo took no pleasure from that, but it wouldn’t stop him from trying to get Tracy back.

When they released their hug, Tracy hugged Danny and Jimmy, saying, “Hey, babies.” Then, she turned to Gordo again and asked, “You ready for this?”

“As ready as I’m going to be, I think. You?”

“Yeah. About the same.”

A woman approached them a few minutes later, telling them they were needed backstage. Gordo assumed she was some kind of event coordinator. Sam hugged Tracy tightly. He glanced at Gordo as he did so, and Gordo offered a small, wry smile.

Sam told Tracy, “I’ll see you after.” Then, to Danny and Jimmy, he said, “Come on, boys. Let’s find a place to sit.”

Gordo and Tracy followed the event coordinator to where they were needed backstage – which was actually off to the side of the stage. She gave them a quick rundown of what was going to happen and when they would need to go out on stage. It all felt a little overwhelming to Gordo, but Tracy seemed cool and calm. He supposed all of her experience with ad campaigns and photo shoots and talk shows had made her a little more comfortable in the limelight than Gordo.

Tracy gently took Gordo’s hand, and he looked at her.

“You okay?” she asked.

He nodded, offering a small smile. “Feeling better already.”

She chuckled softly. “Good.”

They were ushered out on stage a short time later to more applause and cheering than Gordo had expected. When the crowd settled, President Reagan began the ceremony, talking about the Medal of Honor and what it represented.

As the president continued speaking, Gordo let his gaze wander into the crowd. The rows of seats were split in half, with an aisle up the middle. There were a few hundred people in front of him – way more than he had anticipated. He let his eyes scan the crowd. He quickly spotted Danny and Jimmy in the front row, seated with Sam. He saw Molly and Wayne Cobb a few rows back. Ellen Wilson and her husband, Larry. Margo Madison. Buzz Aldrin. Neil Armstrong. Several other faces he recognized from JSC.

Then, he saw Dani. She was looking right at him, and they locked eyes. She smiled and mouthed, “Hi, Bob,” and Gordo let out a short, quiet chuckle before regaining his composure.

“What?” Tracy whispered beside him.

Gordo looked at her and shook his head. “Nothing,” he whispered. Then, he looked out at Dani again, noticing that she wasn’t alone. Seated to her right was Ed. Kelly was on the other side of him. There was a girl Kelly’s age beside her and then Karen on the other side of the girl. Ed was in his Navy dress blues, expression steely and professional as he watched the president speak.

Gordo watched him, only a little bit surprised to see him there. They hadn’t spoken since their argument at Gordo’s house. Gordo had assumed all along that they would make up eventually, but that hadn’t happened before the ceremony, and Gordo had wondered if Ed would even attend. He was glad to see him there.

Dani nudged Ed with an elbow and said something to him. Then, he looked at Gordo. He offered a small smile and nodded once. Gordo smiled and nodded back.

The ceremony went on, and Gordo and Tracy were commended for their actions on the moon. Tracy was presented with the Medal of Honor and the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Gordo was presented with the Medal of Honor and the Defense Distinguished Service Medal. After receiving their medals, President Reagan talked about what heroes they were to their country and to the world and how mankind would be forever grateful for their service. Gordo felt like it was all a little too much, but given the way the crowd got on their feet and applauded at the end of the ceremony, it seemed as though they all agreed with the president.

Gordo was humbled by the praise and attention. Fifteen years earlier, he would’ve eaten it up, soaked it all in. He would’ve reveled in all the attention. But now, he couldn’t wait for it to end. He was relieved when the ceremony wrapped up and he and Tracy were able to get off stage.

A lot of people hung around, visiting amongst themselves. Gordo and Tracy were intercepted by a few on their way back out to the seating area to meet up with their kids. They were congratulated and saluted by friends and strangers and thanked for their service. A few people even wanted to take photos with them, which they obliged. When the attention died down, Danny, Jimmy, and Sam walked over.

Danny saluted both Gordo and Tracy. Gordo smiled and shook his head, but then he saluted in return. He lowered his arm first, and then Danny did the same.

Jimmy examined Gordo’s and Tracy’s medals, talking about how rad they were.

The five of them talked for a few minutes, and then Tracy said she was going to go talk with Molly and Ellen for a bit. She and Sam left Gordo and the kids.

“Congrats, Dad,” Danny said with a smile.

Gordo blinked back tears. He pulled his older son into a hug and whispered, “Thanks.”

When they parted, Danny looked over Gordo’s shoulder. “Um,” he muttered. “I’m going to go find Mom.”

Gordo furrowed his brow as Danny turned and left. Jimmy watched over Gordo’s shoulder. Gordo followed his gaze, turning around to see Ed and Dani approaching. Kelly and the other girl her age were right behind them.

Ed stopped in front of Gordo. With a small smile on his face, he saluted him.

Gordo smiled and saluted him back before lowering his arm.

“Hi, Bob,” Ed said, lowering his arm as well.

Gordo chuckled. “Hi, Bob.”

“Hi, Bob,” Dani finished.

“You know you don’t have to do that,” Gordo said, referring to Ed’s salute.

“What are you talking about?” Ed said with humor. “Everyone salutes a Medal of Honor recipient.”

Gordo smiled. “It’s not required.”

“No,” Ed said, more seriously. “But it is well-deserved.”

Gordo’s smile widened. “Thanks, buddy.”

“Congratulations,” Kelly said to Gordo.

He smiled softly at her. “Thank you, Kelly.”

She smiled and nodded. Then, she turned to her dad. “Is it okay if Michelle and I leave now?”

“Sure,” Ed said. “You’re spending tonight and tomorrow night at her place, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Well, be safe and have fun. Call me if you need anything.”

“Okay.” Kelly left with her friend, and then it was just Gordo, Ed, Dani, and Jimmy.

“You came,” Gordo said, looking up at Ed.

“Of course I did,” Ed said with a hint of a smile. “I couldn’t miss the great American hero, Gordo Stevens, receiving his Medal of Honor.”

“And the Defense Distinguished Service Medal,” Dani added. She smiled at Gordo and then pulled him into a hug. “I’m so proud of you, babe.”

Gordo’s vision went a little blurry as he blinked back tears. “Thank you, Dani,” he whispered around the lump in his throat.

When they parted, Ed said, “I see you’ve got some new bars, buddy.”

Gordo grinned and held both arms out in front of him, looking at the bars on his cuffs. “Yeah. I’m going to have to get used to that.”

“You deserve them,” Ed said. “Admiral Stevens.”

“Yes,” Dani agreed, with a smile. “You really do.”

Gordo smiled gently. “Thanks.”

They were all quiet for a moment. Dani looked back and forth between Gordo and Ed before saying, “I’m going to go talk to Tracy for a moment.”

Gordo smiled. “Thanks for coming, Dani.”

“Of course.” She pulled him into another hug. “I wouldn’t have missed it.”

When she released him, she put her hand on Jimmy’s shoulder and ushered him away. He looked a little confused but went along with her.

It was just Gordo and Ed. Gordo assumed that was exactly what Dani had intended.

Gordo looked up at Ed who scratched at the back of his neck, below his cap.

“So,” Gordo began, not sure what to say.

“How does it feel to be admired by the entire nation – and world – right now?”

Gordo smiled. “Weird.”

Ed chuckled. “Well, you deserve it.”

“The weirdness?”

Ed smirked. “The recognition.”

Gordo nodded. Not in agreement but acknowledgment. He let his gaze wander, spotting Tracy thirty feet away, chatting and laughing with Dani, Molly, Ellen, Sam, and the boys.

“I, uh…” Ed began, drawing Gordo’s focus back to him. “I’m sorry.”

Gordo chuckled. “That sounded difficult to say.”

Ed laughed softly. “You have no idea.”

“It’s all right,” Gordo told him. “I am too.”

Ed nodded. “So,” he began. He lowered his gaze for a moment and then looked up at Gordo again, eyebrows lifted. “We good?”

“Yeah,” Gordo said with a small smile. “We’re good.”

Ed smiled too. “I was just wondering…”

“What?”

“Have you been cleared to fly yet?”

“Yeah, I just got cleared three days ago,” Gordo said. “Why? You want to head down to Ellington?”

Ed grinned and nodded. “I’m feeling a re-match coming on.”

Gordo chuckled. “I suppose I can take some time out of the day to kick your ass again.”

“We’ll see about that, buddy boy.”

Gordo smirked. “Just try not to go for a swim this time.”

Chapter Text

Tracy had been talking with Dani, Molly, and Ellen for close to thirty minutes. They were all laughing and joking and ribbing each other, as usual. Like nothing had changed. Like Tracy hadn’t nearly died saving the moon with Gordo. Like she hadn’t just received a Medal of Honor for that act. She was glad for it. She was glad her friends weren’t treating her any differently.

“I guess I have to admit it,” Molly began.

“What’s that?” Tracy asked with a cautious grin, bracing herself for some classic Molly teasing.

“You’re not just the ‘astro-wife’ anymore.”

Tracy laughed.

“Oh, come on,” Ellen said. “She saved your life during Apollo 25, Molly. She hasn’t been ‘just the astro-wife’ for a long time.” She looked at Tracy, eyes going a little wide. “Not that I ever though of you that way.”

Tracy chuckled. “It’s okay, Ellen.”

Molly smirked. “Yeah. I guess maybe you’ve proven you’re an okay astronaut after all, Stevens,” she teased.

Tracy smiled and shook her head. “Thanks for that glowing compliment, Mol.”

Molly grinned. “Any time.”

“Hey,” Gordo said from behind Tracy. She turned to look as he walked up beside her. “Sorry to interrupt.”

“No problem, Admiral,” Molly said. “We’re just trying to keep your ex here from letting these medals go to her head.”

Gordo smiled and looked at Tracy. “She deserves them,” he said. “And then some.”

Tracy smiled up at him. She knew Sam was nearby with the boys, and she wondered if he was close enough to listen. She hoped not.

“Oh, no,” Molly teased, “see, now you’re undoing all the hard work we just put in.”

Gordo chuckled softly. “Sorry, Molly.” Then, to Tracy, he said, “I’m going to take off. Ed and I are going to drive down to Ellington.”

“Oh,” Tracy uttered, looking past Gordo. Ed was standing nearby, talking with a couple of other men in Navy dress blues. “Okay. You’ll be back in time for Danny’s dinner, though, right?”

“Of course,” he said with a smile. “I’m going to swing by home to change. Do you want me to take the boys back?”

“That’s up to you.”

“Okay, I’ll see if they’re ready to go.”

“Okay.”

Gordo pulled her into a hug, and she wrapped her arms around him tightly. She closed her eyes for a moment, feeling the strength and comfort of his arms envelop her. She missed that. She opened her eyes and released him.

“See you at home,” he said.

“What was that, Stevens?” Molly said in a low tone that wasn’t quite a whisper.

“Shh,” Tracy uttered, hoping Sam hadn’t heard or seen.

She watched Gordo walk over to where Sam and the boys stood talking. Sam was watching Gordo, jaw clenched. He glanced at Tracy and then looked away again. Gordo spoke with the boys who then walked over and told Tracy they were leaving with their dad. She hugged them both, and then they left with Gordo.

Sam walked over to where Tracy was talking with her friends. He stood at her side, sliding an arm around her shoulders.

“Hey,” another voice came.

Tracy turned to see Karen approaching the group. Molly and Ellen parted to let Karen into the circle. The rest of them greeted her, but all Tracy could muster was a forced smile.

“Congratulations, Tracy,” Karen said with a smile.

“Thanks, Karen.”

Karen stepped across the small circle and pulled Tracy into a hug. Tracy hesitated at first, wanting to push Karen away. But she wouldn’t. They had just had a nice day, a nice ceremony. Tracy wouldn’t ruin it by bringing up what had happened between Karen and Danny. She would save that conversation for another time. After she had had enough time to process and didn’t have a million other things on her mind and wasn’t surrounded by all of her friends.

Tracy put her arms around Karen, letting the hug happen.

When they released, Karen said, “I should get going now, but I just wanted to congratulate you. What you did up there… I can’t imagine how scary that was. I’ve never known anyone braver.”

Tracy felt an uncomfortable pang in her stomach. It was a weird mixture of sadness and anger and humility. She appreciated what Karen was saying, and it moved her. But she was also upset with her friend for what she had done with Danny. She didn’t know how to separate those feelings, or if she even should.

So, she just said, “Thank you.”

Karen smiled again and then turned to leave.

“And,” Molly began, “what was that?”

Tracy looked at her and smirked, shaking her head. She didn’t bother answering.

Their group talked for a few more minutes, and then Ellen, Molly, and Dani left. It was just Tracy and Sam.

“Should we head home?” Sam asked, his arm still around her.

“Sure. I need to change and grab my car and then head back to Gordo’s.” She hesitated before saying Gordo’s name. He was such a sore subject between the two of them lately, but she couldn’t just avoid mentioning him completely.

“Oh,” Sam uttered. “Right. For Danny’s going-away dinner.”

“Yeah. Danny was supposed to come by to see you today.”

“Yeah, he mentioned that. But we talked here for a while, so I just told him goodbye here.”

“Oh, okay.”

“A dinner would have been nice, though.”

Tracy shifted out of his arm that was around her, moving in front of him. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, you all had dinner at Gordo’s last night. Do you really need to have another dinner there tonight?”

“That wasn’t a going-away dinner, though. We want to do it up right. I’m fixing dinner, Gordo’s picking up a cake—Shoot, I hope he remembers that. We’re going to have balloons and streamers and stuff. It’s going to be just about that.”

“And you didn’t think I’d like to be a part of that?”

“Are you wanting me to invite you to Gordo’s house? I don’t think—”

“No,” Sam said. “But it would’ve been nice if we could have done that at our house too. He’s my stepson, Tracy. You don’t think I want to give him a nice send-off before he heads back to Annapolis?”

“Of course, I do. Which is why he was supposed to go by the house to visit you today.”

Sam nodded absently, letting his gaze wander. Tracy could see by the set of his jaw that he was pissed. She wondered if he would say anything – if he would make a scene right there after she had received her medals.

But he didn’t. Instead, he said, “Let’s go home.”

She obliged, walking with him to his car. They got in, and he drove them home.

Back inside the house, Tracy went to the bedroom to get changed. Sam lingered in the doorway, leaning against the door frame.

“It was a really nice ceremony,” Sam began while Tracy changed her clothes.

They had barely spoken on the way home, and she assumed he would be angry for the rest of the night. But his tone had changed. It was softer and calmer.

“Yeah,” Tracy agreed. “It was.”

She hung up her pant suit in the closet and removed a sweater and a pair of jeans.

“I’m proud of you,” Sam said.

Tracy, standing in her bra and panties, looked at Sam. He wasn’t checking her out. He was looking in her eyes.

She smiled gently. “Thanks, Sam.” She pulled on her jeans and sweater.

“He’s won, hasn’t he?”

“What do you mean?” Tracy asked, taking a seat on the end of the bed.

“He said he was going to get you back.” Sam paused. “He was right. He’s won. I can see it, Tracy. The way he looks at you. The way you are with him. I could see it when you took his hand.”

“What?”

“When you two were off on the side of the stage, before you walked out. You took his hand.”

Tracy nodded. “Yeah, he was nervous.”

“And so were you, right?”

“Yeah. I was.”

“You didn’t tell me that,” Sam said softly. He gently pushed off the door frame and walked over to where she sat on the foot of the bed. “You didn’t—You didn’t let me try to comfort you before the ceremony.”

“Sam, it's just that Gordo and I—What we went through—”

“Yeah, I know,” Sam said. “You two are the only ones who understand it. That’s my point.” He paused. “You keep choosing Gordo.”

“It’s not a choice, Sam.”

“I can see that. You just sort of gravitate towards him.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Tracy said.

“No, I get it. You have history. You have…this new, shared connection that no one can touch. No one can compete with that.” He paused. “I can't compete with that, Tracy.”

Tracy frowned, sighing softly. “I'm sorry, Sam. I never set out for any of this to happen.”

Sam crouched down in front of her, taking both of her hands in his. “If it hadn't happened, do you think you'd still feel such a pull towards him?”

“What do you mean?”

“What happened on the moon,” Sam clarified. “If it hadn’t happened, would you still feel like this?”

“Honestly?” Tracy began, and Sam nodded. “I think I would.”

“Really?” Sam asked, giving her a doubtful look.

“The truth is, when Gordo got to Jamestown, he told me how he felt. He said he was there to get me back and that he had told you about it.”

Sam sighed and lowered his gaze but said nothing.

Tracy continued. “We had a long, honest talk about everything. He took responsibility for our marriage failing, for how he treated me back then. He really opened up about everything.” She paused. “I could feel that pull then. That was before everything else. Before the reactor started melting down. Before we nearly died. I was already starting to feel something for him again. It's just—The whole shared, near-death experience really sped things up.”

“Right,” Sam uttered, meeting her eyes again.

“Nearly dying together isn't the reason I re-developed feelings for Gordo, Sam. It just…made those feelings more intense a lot sooner.”

“I gotta say," Sam began. "When he came to visit me, to tell me that he was going to get you back, I wasn't worried. After all the shit he put you through in your marriage, after everything you had to say about him over the past several months, I honestly thought there was no way in hell he stood a chance of getting you back.” Sam nodded absently, averting his gaze. The bedroom lights glistened off the tears forming in his eyes. In a choked up whisper, he added, “I had no idea how wrong I was.”

“I never meant for any of this to happen,” Tracy whispered, squeezing his hands gently. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

“Yeah,” he uttered, lowering his gaze. He removed one hand from hers to swipe at his eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Sam.”

He sniffled and then looked up at her. “I’m sorry too.”

Chapter Text

After leaving the ceremony, Gordo took the boys home. He changed out of his Navy dress blues and into his NASA flight suit. He got his flight gear together and told the kids he would be back in time for Danny’s going-away dinner. Then, he got into his Corvette, put the top down, and drove to Ellington.

Gordo was eager to return to flying. It had only been about three weeks since he had flown the LSAM on the moon, but after what had happened at Jamestown – what he and Tracy had gone through – he hadn’t been sure until three days earlier that he would ever be allowed to fly again. So, when the flight surgeon had cleared him to fly, Gordo had been relieved, to say the least.

Flying was his passion. It was what set his soul alight. He couldn’t imagine not being allowed or able to fly, and he was ready to get back to it.

He arrived at Ellington before Ed. He parked and left the top down on his Corvette. He strapped on his parachute pack, grabbed his flight bag, and headed into the airplane hangar. He walked across the vast space, towards the sliding doors at the opposite end. A stack of aviation trunks sat near the open doors, and Gordo recalled the last time he and Ed had been there together.

Gordo had sat on one of those trunks, panicking after having seen ants crawling all over his Pepsi can at The Outpost. The experience had unsettled him – scared him, if he were being honest – causing him to doubt his ability to return to Jamestown.

Ed had called him on his fear, reminding Gordo – none too gently – that Gordo was an astronaut. That he had been through so much already. That he had once been confident and fearless. Ed’s aggressive reminder had pissed off Gordo in the moment, but eventually, Gordo had realized that that swift kick in the pants was exactly what he had needed in order to start getting his head on straight again.

It had been the last argument between the two of them before the one about Danny four days ago. Gordo was glad they had made up that morning. He hadn’t been sure how long their fight would last. Their fights rarely lasted more than a couple of days – most were over within minutes or hours – but Gordo understood why this one had lasted longer. And he had been fully willing to let Ed come to him when he was ready, which he had.

Gordo hadn’t been sure that Ed would show up at the ceremony that morning. He had been a little surprised but mostly pleased, glad that their fight hadn’t stopped Ed from being there to support Gordo. Ed’s presence there had re-confirmed what Gordo already knew – that their friendship was stronger than what had come between them. And Gordo had been relieved when Ed had continued their “Hi, Bob” tradition after the ceremony and even more relieved when Ed had apologized.

Apologizing wasn’t something Ed – or Gordo, for that matter – did lightly, or even frequently, with each other. Their arguments usually ended with a mutual understanding that they were sorry, but most of the time, neither actually said it.

But after four days of not speaking to each other, Gordo was glad it had finally been said.

“Hey, buddy boy,” Ed said from across the hangar.

Gordo turned to look at him. Ed was crossing the large space, dressed in a flight suit and parachute pack that matched Gordo’s.

“Ready to go?”

Gordo was reminded of the last time Ed had asked him that in the hangar. Gordo hadn’t been ready then. He was now.

Gordo smiled and nodded. “Let’s go.”

Gordo waited for Ed to reach him, and then they both walked out through the hangar doors. They crossed the apron to two waiting T-38s. Gordo and Ed both donned their helmets, masks hanging from one side. Gordo climbed into his jet and settled in, preparing for takeoff.

Ed’s voice came through his head set. “You ready to get your ass kicked, Stevens?”

Gordo chuckled, his mask still hanging from the side of his helmet. “Why? Is someone else joining us who can actually do that?”

“You’re going to eat those words soon, buddy.”

Gordo grinned. “We’ll see about that.”

He pulled his mask across his face and secured it in place. Immediately, he felt a wave of nerves surge through his stomach. He wasn’t sure why. He had flown more times than he could remember. It was second-nature to him. He couldn’t recall the last time he had felt nervous getting into a cockpit.

“I’ll follow your lead,” Ed said, pulling Gordo from his thoughts.

Gordo’s heart rate had picked up, as had his breathing. He took a deep breath, willing it to calm him.

“You hear me?” Ed asked.

Gordo’s mouth felt dry as he spoke. “Yeah.” He felt the overwhelming urge to remove his mask, and suddenly he was transported back to Jamestown. The moon. He was in his duct tape suit, breathing into his mask, running in slow motion across the surface.

“Gordo,” Ed said.

Gordo was pulled back to the present. He breathed heavily into his mask, feeling claustrophobic. He popped his mask free, letting it hang from the side of his helmet. He took a few more deep breaths. He could feel sweat beginning to bead on his forehead and upper lip.

“Any day now,” Ed said, drawing out the first word.

“Hold on,” Gordo uttered. “I’m having a…” He trailed off, unsure exactly what it was he was having. He felt nervous. Almost shaky. Not like he had after seeing the ants at The Outpost. But a milder version of that. He felt like he had at the Cape right before his Jamestown 91 launch. Right before Ed had shown up to see him off.

Gordo took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Then, he took another.

“What’s the problem?” Ed asked.

“Just, uh, readjusting,” Gordo said. He wasn’t sure Ed would buy it. Gordo had been in countless cockpits. Never once had he needed a moment to readjust.

“If this is how you’re planning to fly today,” Ed began, “I’ll have no problem kicking your ass.”

Gordo inhaled deeply, letting out one long, final exhale. He reattached his mask and focused on the cockpit. His nerves were making his eyes burn with tears. He dried them with the back of his glove and started taxiing onto the runway.

“You wish, buddy,” Gordo said finally. Once he was on the runway, he finished preparing for takeoff. He gripped the control stick in one hand and the throttle levers in the other. He waited a few beats on the runway, took a deep breath, and on his exhale, he pushed the throttle levers forward. The engines ignited and propelled him down the runway.

When he was in the air, Gordo blinked away the stinging in his eyes. He kept one hand on the control stick and used the other to swipe sweat from his brow.

Gordo felt strange somehow. The surge of adrenaline he always got during takeoff felt different. It was still there, but it was accompanied by something else. The nervousness he had felt on the runway lingered. He still felt claustrophobic. Not horribly so, but enough that it was getting to him. He wanted to take his mask off. He kept picturing himself back on the moon, in full face mask, running across the surface.

“Everything good?” Ed asked.

Gordo wondered if Ed could hear his heavy, uneven breathing. He assumed so. Gordo could hear Ed breathing, and his breath was steady and calm.

“It’s just been a while,” Gordo said, trying to focus on his instrument panels.

“All right, well, you’ve got a few minutes before we reach dogfight territory. Then, I’m coming for you, son.”

Gordo saw movement out of the corner of his eye. He looked to his right to see Ed flying up next to him. He smiled, saying, “Bring it on, buddy.”

They flew side-by-side until they were over the Gulf.

Then, Ed said, “Let’s do this.”

Gordo chuckled as they veered away from each other and into the clouds. As they spent the next few minutes flying and maneuvering and chasing each other, Gordo’s nerves subsided. Ed almost got a lock early on, but Gordo managed to out-maneuver him.

They continued their dogfight until Gordo settled in behind Ed. Ed tried to weave out of Gordo’s sights, but Gordo stayed right on him. He felt a surge of adrenaline course through his stomach, and he knew he had Ed. It was only a matter of time.

Ed braked and pulled up, but Gordo was ready for it and did the same. He hunted Ed down until he nearly got a lock on him. He kept his jet steady, keeping Ed in his sights. When he got a solid tone and the target reticle on his HUD turned red, he called, “Fox Two!”

“Damn it,” Ed muttered.

“Nice try, buddy,” Gordo said, flying up beside Ed.

“I still think it’s dumb luck.”

“Of course you do. All losers think that way.” Gordo cackled.

“We’re going again,” Ed demanded.

“Sure,” Gordo said. “I don’t mind kicking your ass over and over again.”

“Asshole.”

Gordo laughed. “Even after what happened on the moon, and my injuries, and not flying for weeks, you’re still no match for me.”

“We’ll see about that.” Ed veered away.

Gordo chuckled and veered the opposite direction.

They engaged in a second dogfight. It went longer than the first, the two of them taking turns nearly getting a lock on the other. In the end, Gordo won again.

“Son of a bitch,” Ed growled.

Gordo laughed. “Want to make it three-out-of-five?”

“You’re damn right I do.”

Their third dogfight lasted even longer than the first two. Gordo was glad to be in the air again. He tried some fancy maneuvers, feeling more comfortable in the jet the longer they flew. It was on his fifth showboating maneuver that Ed managed to get behind him. Two minutes later, Ed was calling, “Fox One!”

“You’re dead meat now,” Ed said, flying up next to Gordo. “I’ve got your number, buddy boy.”

Gordo chuckled. “I practically gave that one to you.”

“Whatever. I’m coming for you, Stevens.”

Gordo laughed. “Let’s go, Baldwin.”

For their fourth dogfight, Gordo focused on taking Ed down as quickly as possible. No showboating. No fancy flying. He quickly spotted Ed in the clouds, and he was up behind him before Ed had even seen him. His radar lock signal started beeping rapidly.

“Oh, shit,” Ed uttered, veering off to one side and swerving into the clouds.

Gordo chased him down, quickly getting a lock and ending the dogfight.

“Damn,” Ed said. “Well, congratulations, buddy. It’s good to see you haven’t lost a step.”

“Thanks. Wish I could say the same for you.”

“Fuck you,” Ed said with a chuckle.

Gordo laughed.

“It’s about time to head back,” Ed said. “We’re almost at bingo fuel.”

“Yep.”

“I’m looking at about fifteen minutes.”

A sudden pang of nerves shot through Gordo’s stomach. He didn’t know where it had come from, and it startled him.

“Winners first,” Ed said.

“What?”

“You head back first.”

Gordo’s mouth and throat went dry. He was finding it difficult to swallow. He blinked away the stinging in his eyes, wondering why it had returned.

“Gordo,” Ed said. “You hear me?”

Gordo was a million miles away. Two-hundred-forty-thousand miles, actually. He was back on the moon. Back in the Jamestown airlock. About to run out onto the surface of the moon in nothing but a duct tape suit and an oxygen mask. He knew that that mask was keeping him alive, but he wanted to yank it off.

“Gordo,” Ed barked, pulling him back from the moon.

Gordo saw the clouds beneath them and the blue sky above. Sunlight was coming in from his right and he realized he was still flying south, farther away from Ellington.

“Can you hear me?”

Gordo couldn’t speak. He was finding it difficult to breathe. His chest felt tight, and he was practically gasping for air.

“We gotta head back,” Ed said. “We’re fifteen minutes to bingo. Less now.”

Gordo blinked. His eyes stung. Gordo could see out of the corner of his eye that Ed was flying right beside him, but Gordo couldn’t look at him.

“What’s going on, buddy?” Ed said, concern starting to tinge his voice.

Gordo was sure Ed could hear his heavy breathing. Beads of sweat formed again on Gordo’s brow and upper lip. His face felt hot. His mask was suffocating him. His hand trembled on the control stick. His pulse pounded in his ears.

Something was wrong.

His chest constricted, and Gordo wondered if he was having a heart attack. He wondered why the NASA flight surgeon had cleared him to fly.

“Gordo, hey, talk to me,” Ed said. “What’s happening?”

Gordo exhaled heavily, letting out a slight whimper. He hadn’t meant to, and he knew Ed had heard it.

“Tell me what’s happening, Gordo.”

Gordo’s eyes burned. His vision blurred through his tears. With a shaky breath, he finally said, “I don’t know.”

“Are you okay? What’s going on?”

“My heart’s racing. I-I feel...lightheaded.”

“Okay,” Ed said. “I can hear you breathing pretty heavily over there. You’re probably getting too much oxygen.”

“I’m going to take my mask off.” He brought his shaky left hand up to his mask.

“No,” Ed insisted. “Don’t do that. Hey. Just talk to me, all right? That will help get your breathing back to normal.”

“’kay.” Gordo lowered his hand again.

“Do you think you can turn around and head back?”

“I don’t know.”

“All right. Just keep talking to me. Why not? Why don’t you think you can head back?”

“My hands are shaking, Ed.”

“That’s okay. We can do this. I’m going to talk you through it, all right?”

“All right.”

Ed gave Gordo easy, step-by-step instructions. None of them were things he didn’t already know he needed to do. He was just having difficulty actually doing them.

All he could focus on was how he felt in the moment – his racing heart, his heavy breathing, his shaky hands, his tight chest, his stinging eyes, his feeling of claustrophobia. He was suddenly scared that the doctors had missed something. That the Jamestown doctor, the flight surgeon in Florida, and the flight surgeon in Houston had all missed something.

“We’re just going do an easy bank to the right,” Ed said. “I’m going to follow you, okay?”

“Okay.”

Gordo was terrified that what he was feeling were the symptoms of something serious. Something fatal. He worried that something was seriously wrong with him. That the effects of what had happened to him on the moon were only now starting to manifest themselves.

Maybe Jimmy was right to be scared for him. Maybe Gordo wasn’t okay. Maybe Jimmy and Danny would lose their dad, after all.

That thought brought more tears to Gordo’s eyes. “Fuck,” he whispered.

“Just ease into it, buddy,” Ed said. “You got this.”

Gordo’s mind was still on his kids. He wanted to get back home. He wanted to see them again. And in order to do that, he had to land his jet safely.

“Gordo?” Ed said. “Come on, buddy. You can do this.”

“Yeah,” Gordo said in an exhale. “Okay.” He tilted the control stick to the right until he had turned around completely. The sun was on his left, and he was pointed towards Ellington.

“Good,” Ed said in his ear. “Just keep her steady. We’ll be home soon.”

Chapter Text

After Gordo landed and taxied off the runway, he popped his mask free, breathing heavily. He swiped sweat from his brow and upper lip and then opened the canopy of his T-38 and climbed out. He couldn’t get out fast enough.

Once he was on the ground, he crossed the apron, headed towards the airplane hangar. Inside, he took off his helmet and set it on an aviation trunk.

He hadn’t waited for Ed, but he could see him approaching the hangar. Gordo bent over, putting his hands on his knees.

He tried to calm down, but it wasn’t working. His chest wasn’t as tight, and he no longer felt claustrophobic, but he didn’t feel right. He was still sweating, still shaking, still breathing heavily.

Ed entered the hangar, just watching Gordo for a moment.

Gordo took a couple more deep breaths and then stood up straight.

“You all right?” Ed asked gently. Cautiously.

Gordo shook his head. He wasn’t sure.

“What happened up there?” When Gordo didn’t answer, Ed continued. “You said you were lightheaded and shaking. What was that about? What brought that on?”

“I don’t know. Maybe the doctors missed something.”

“You think...this is because of what happened on the moon?”

“My chest was…”

“What?”

“Tight, Ed. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I thought—I don’t know. I thought I was about to have a heart attack.”

Ed furrowed his brow in concern. “How does it feel now?”

“Better,” he said honestly. “But what—What if they missed something?”

“You can get checked out again.”

“What if it’s something serious? What if…” Gordo shook his head.

“You were checked out by three different doctors, Gordo. If there was something physically wrong with you, they would’ve found it.”

Ed’s emphasis on “physically” was not lost on Gordo.

“What are you saying?” Gordo asked.

“Maybe this isn’t...physical.”

“You think I’m losing it again?”

Ed shook his head. “Did you see anything up there?”

“What—You mean, like, ants?”

Ed nodded.

Gordo shook his head. “No. I just—I felt panicky, Ed. Like…”

“Like the last time you saw ants?”

Gordo hesitated before saying, “Yeah.”

“Like you felt at Jamestown the first time?”

Gordo nodded.

“And when you had to take your helmet off during training for Jamestown 91?”

“Yes.”

“None of that was physical either,” Ed reminded him.

“Right,” Gordo uttered, processing the information. Ed was right. In all of those instances, there hadn’t been anything physically wrong with him.

Seeing the ants at The Outpost, every time he had had his helmet on during training for Jamestown 91, and when he had tried to take off his helmet on the surface of the moon back in ‘74 – he had had the same scared, panicky feeling all of those times.

And now felt very similar.

He remembered something Dr. Marsten had told him years earlier. Something about anxiety causing one to become overwhelmingly afraid. A “panic attack,” he had called it. Gordo had never heard of such a thing, and Dr. Marsten had told him that it was a relatively new term. He had described what a “panic attack” entailed, and Gordo had felt like the doc was describing in perfect detail his incident with the ants on the moon.

Gordo realized he wasn’t dying after all.

He was still shaky, still sweating, and his heart was still racing, but he was no longer afraid that the doctors had missed something. He wasn’t afraid that he was going to leave his kids.

“A panic attack,” Gordo muttered.

“What?” Ed said. “A panic attack? What do you—What do you mean?”

“It’s something Dr. Marsten told me about.”

“Dr. Marsten? Didn’t he retire?”

Gordo nodded. “But back when I was seeing him, he told me what this was. What—What I had experienced up at Jamestown. He called it a panic attack.”

“Okay,” Ed said. “What does that mean?”

Gordo told Ed what Dr. Marsten had told him – about being overwhelmed by fear and feeling panicky because of it. That the sweating, shaking, and shortness of breath he had experienced were all symptoms of a panic attack.

“That’s good, though, right?” Ed said. “That means there’s nothing physically wrong. What happened on the moon isn’t still affecting you.”

“Right,” Gordo uttered. “Not physically, anyway.”

“What do you mean?”

“What happened up there today, Ed…” Gordo trailed off, not sure how to continue.

“What happened?” Ed asked. “What got you feeling that way? I mean, it was the ants before, on the moon and at The Outpost. And then feeling trapped in your helmet at JSC.”

“Right.”

“So, what happened today?”

Gordo thought back to the first moment he had felt uneasy that day. Recalling what it was, he said, “When I put on my mask.”

“Has that ever bothered you before?”

Gordo shook his head. “I kept thinking about Jamestown this last time. About...about Tracy and me, in our duct tape suits and oxygen masks, running across the surface of the moon.”

Ed watched him closely, letting him explain.

“I powered through that today, though,” Gordo said. “I was sweating and breathing hard, but I got through it.”

Ed nodded, his expression changing as though it had just dawned on him why Gordo had taken so long to taxi onto the runway earlier.

“I was fine when we were in the air.”

“And then something else happened,” Ed said. “What was it?”

Gordo swallowed the lump in his throat. “Fifteen seconds.”

“What?”

“You said we had fifteen minutes of fuel left before we needed to head back.” Gordo paused, thinking about what had happened in the air. What he had been thinking about at the time. “I was back there again. On the moon. Trace and I—We had fifteen seconds to fix the coolant system and get back to the airlock.” He went quiet again for a few moments, his stomach tensing with nerves as he thought about their fifteen seconds on the moon. “It just...sent me back there. It—It struck something in me, and I just—I started to panic.”

Ed nodded slowly.

“I don’t get it, Ed. I didn’t even panic on the moon. When we were up there, and I was sure we were going to die, I didn’t panic.” He paused. “So, why now? Why is—Why is this affecting me now?”

“I don’t know,” Ed said gently. “Maybe just being back, seeing your kids. Having a chance to reflect on all of it. What you almost lost. What your kids almost lost. At Jamestown, you were in the moment. You were doing what needed to be done. There was no time to think about it, right?” Ed shrugged. “Sometimes it takes a while to sink in.”

Gordo thought it through. It made sense, what Ed was saying. He was right – Gordo and Tracy had been doing what needed to be done while on the moon. They hadn’t had a lot of time to think about the consequences. To think about what they would be risking.

Gordo sniffed, his eyes burning with tears he tried to blink back. “I don’t want to go through this again, Ed.”

“You’ve gotten through it before,” Ed said assuredly. “You will again.”

Gordo took a deep breath. Ed was right again. Gordo had gotten through it before. He had turned a corner before Jamestown 91. He had gotten his head on straight. He had faced his fear. He had thought that that was it – that he wouldn’t feel that sort of fear or panic again. It was a blow to his confidence that he was experiencing it again, but he remembered something else Dr. Marsten had told him – his recovery from what had happened at Jamestown the first time around was not a straight line. He might feel better one day and then worse the next. But, over time, the trend should be an upward one where the number of good days should continue to increase over the number of bad ones.

“Yeah,” Gordo said finally, nodding absently. “You’re right.”

“I am right.”

Gordo took another deep breath, letting it out slowly. He pulled up the sleeve of his flight suit and checked his watch. Then, he lowered his arms and looked at Ed.

“Let’s go again,” Gordo said.

“What?”

“Let’s get refueled and get back in the air.”

“Gordo, we don’t have to do that right now.”

“Yes, Ed, we do.” He took a deep breath, locking eyes with Ed. “I’m not letting my fear win this time. I’m not going to spend another ten years avoiding everything that terrifies me.”

Ed looked back at him, studying him for a long moment. Then, finally, he said, “All right. We’ll get these babies refueled. But if you change your mind, we’ll try again another day.”

“I won’t change my mind,” Gordo said definitively.

Ed offered a small smile and a nod. “All right, buddy boy. Let’s go do this.”

Chapter Text

Ed drove back home from Ellington in his two-tone Stingray. At Gordo's request, they had taken the T-38s up a second time. Ed had been a little concerned at first about Gordo getting back up into the air after what had just happened. A “panic attack,” Gordo had called it.

Ed had listened to Gordo take a few deep, calming breaths before their second takeoff, but after that, Gordo had seemed fine. In the air, they had joked and laughed like normal, giving each other a hard time. They had agreed to a best-of-three in their second round of dogfighting. Gordo kicked Ed’s ass twice in a row.

Gordo had always been an amazing pilot – probably the best pilot Ed knew – but Gordo seemed more confident in the air lately than he had in years. Since before their first mission to Jamestown. Gordo’s renewed confidence reminded Ed of how he had been ten or fifteen years earlier. He was an even better pilot nowadays. He wasn’t arrogant like he had been back then, but he had faith in his skills as a pilot.

Despite the panic attacks, despite everything he had been through, Gordo still came alive when he was in a cockpit. And Ed was proud of him for doing that. He was proud of Gordo for immediately facing his fear and getting back into the cockpit at Ellington. Ed could tell that Gordo had changed tremendously over the past few months. He still had his demons. He still had his fears. But he wasn’t letting those things hold him back any longer. Ed was glad to see it.

And even more than that, Ed felt inspired by it.

He had been afraid to talk to Karen. Afraid of what might happen. Afraid she would tell him that their marriage was over. That she wanted out.

But Ed was ready to talk now. He wanted to make things work. He wanted to stay married and fix whatever had broken between them. He was ready to let Karen know how he felt.

After climbing out of the T-38s, Ed and Gordo had made plans to meet up at the Pine Grill at the Shamrock the next evening. In the meantime, Ed was going back home to talk to Karen.

Ed rolled up in the driveway and went into the house. He found Karen at the kitchen table, balancing the checkbook. There were papers scattered over the surface of the table, but Ed didn’t look at them.

“Hey,” he said, stopping in the doorway to the kitchen.

Karen looked up, a small smile playing on her lips as she looked him over. He was still wearing his flight suit, but he had removed his parachute pack and left it in the car with his flight bag.

“Hi,” Karen said, looking at him curiously. “Where are you headed?”

“Nowhere,” he said. “I just got back from Ellington. Gordo and I took up a couple of jets.”

“Oh,” she said, setting down the checkbook. “Everybody okay? Nobody had to be rescued from the Gulf this time?”

“No.” Ed smiled sheepishly. “No, everyone is fine.”

“That’s good.” She paused briefly. “How are you?” she asked. “How’s Kelly?”

“We’re...okay,” he said. “You?”

“I’m okay.”

He nodded slowly, letting his gaze wander around the kitchen, not looking at anything in particular.

“What’s going on, Ed?” she asked finally.

He scratched at the back of his head, and as he lowered his hand, he said, “I was hoping we could talk.” He paused. “About us.”

“Okay,” she said. “Are you sure?”

He looked at her. He thought he was sure. He had been sure on the drive over. But now, looking at Karen sitting in their kitchen, he wasn’t so sure. His fear about the future of their marriage was returning. He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, thinking about Gordo getting back in the T-38 after his panic attack. If he could do that, Ed could surely have a conversation with his wife.

Finally, Ed nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

“All right,” Karen said, setting the checkbook down on the table. “Would you like to start?”

Ed hesitated. He didn’t know how to begin. He didn’t know what Karen was thinking or what she wanted for their relationship.

Ed thought about what he wanted. He took a deep breath and said, “I don’t want to get divorced.”

Karen nodded slowly but said nothing.

Unable to read how she was feeling or what she was thinking, he said, “I don’t know what happened.” He hesitated, stammering a bit as he continued. “With—with us. I don’t—I don’t know what went wrong.” He paused, trying to gather his thoughts. “I want to fix it, though. I want…” He trailed off and sighed softly. “I want us to be okay.”

Karen studied him for a long time. Ed still couldn’t tell what she was thinking.

“Thank you,” she said finally. “For wanting to talk about us.”

He nodded and slowly walked towards the table where she sat. “What, um—How are you...feeling about it? About us?”

Karen took a deep breath. She looked down at the table where the papers were scattered about. He glanced down as well, noting, among other things, a pamphlet for William and Mary.

“I’m glad you want to fix things,” she said, looking up at him again. “I do too.”

Ed exhaled a relieved sigh. “Good.”

“But we have a lot of work to do, Ed.”

“Okay,” he said, taking a seat to her left at the table. “You said you think we need counseling.”

“I do.”

He nodded. “If that’s what it takes to fix things, we can do that.”

“Yeah,” she said softly, almost in a whisper. She looked down at the table again, absently fingering the corner of the William and Mary pamphlet.

He glanced down at it. He knew Kelly had been considering William and Mary, but he was pretty sure that she had since decided on the Naval Academy. Ed wondered why Karen had the pamphlet out.

“That’s not all, though,” Karen said.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re an astronaut, Ed,” she began. He didn’t know where she was going with it, so he waited for her to continue. “Your whole life has been about the Navy and NASA. Which means that my whole life has been about those things too.”

She looked at him, and Ed wondered if he was supposed to understand what she was getting at. He didn’t.

“After Shane, I stopped caring so much about being the dutiful astronaut’s wife. And when I bought The Outpost, I thought I was carving my own path.”

Ed nodded his agreement.

“But that’s not true,” Karen said.

Ed furrowed his brow in confusion.

“Sure, I owned a bar. But it’s an astronaut bar. The astronauts still hang out there. Other people come in, hoping to get a glimpse of an astronaut and to buy astronaut trinkets and baubles.” She went quiet for a moment.

“I—I don’t understand.”

“My whole life still revolves around the space program. Around your career.” She paused. “I love you, Ed. And I support you. I do.”

“Okay,” he said, dragging out the word. “But?”

“But I need something just for me, Ed. I’ve never had that.”

Ed shook his head, confused. “What are you saying?”

She searched his eyes for a long moment before saying, “I’m thinking about going to business school.”

Ed opened his mouth to speak but didn’t know what to say. He would support her – of course he would – but he didn’t understand why she seemed hesitant to tell him.

“I need to be able to do something for myself. I want that, Ed.”

“Okay,” he said, still confused. “I think that’s great, Karen. You should do something for yourself.”

She glanced down at the table again. Ed followed her gaze, eyeing the William and Mary pamphlet again. His stomach knotted.

“Wait,” he uttered. “Are you…”

She looked up at him, and he could tell that she was bracing for his reaction.

“No,” he said. “You’re—You’re wanting to go to William and Mary?”

“I’m thinking about it,” she said, holding his gaze.

He got up from his seat. He paced for a few seconds and then stopped, looking at Karen who remained at the table. “You want to go to school halfway across the country?”

“Like I said, Ed, I’m thinking about it.”

“How are we supposed to work on our marriage when you’re in Virginia?”

“This semester has already begun, so the earliest I could start would be the spring semester. We would still have months before I would need to leave.”

“‘Leave,’” Ed muttered with a wry chuckle. “You want to leave?”

“What’s the big deal, Ed? You leave all the time. And space – hell, the moon – is a hell of a lot farther than the east coast.”

“That’s…” Ed trailed off, not sure what to say. She had a point. He hated that she had a point, but she did.

“Don’t say ‘that’s different,’ Ed. It’s not. Your entire career – our entire marriage – has been based on you leaving. Going to war. Going to space.”

“Yeah, but…” Ed waved a hand, unsure how to continue. It felt different to him, but he couldn’t figure out why.

“But what, Ed? Is it because it’s me leaving this time? It’s okay as long as you are the one who gets to leave, but it’s not okay if it’s me. Is that it?”

“I…” That was part of it, but Ed didn’t want to admit it. He knew that would only anger Karen. “I thought you wanted to work on our marriage.”

“I do, Ed. It doesn’t have to be either-or. We can do both.”

“How?” he demanded, raising his voice. “You’ll be gone for months at a time.”

“You were on the moon for months, Ed,” she said plainly.

“Yeah, but—But we still talked. We had the video comms.”

“We can still do that,” Karen said. “I’ll get a comm for my apartment in Virginia.”

“Your…” Ed shook his head in disbelief. “Your apartment?”

“Yeah, I don’t imagine I’ll stay in the dorms.”

“I don’t—You’ve already decided this, haven’t you?”

“I haven’t,” she said. “Not for sure. But it is something I’m seriously considering, Ed.”

“I…” Ed trailed off, shaking his head again. He didn’t understand what was happening. “I came here to talk about us,” he said, his voice strained with emotion. “And now you’re telling me you want to leave. You want to go halfway across the country instead of staying here to work on our marriage.”

“Not ‘instead of,’” Karen said.

“I don’t—I can’t listen to this right now.” Eyes stinging, Ed turned and headed for the door.

“Ed,” Karen said from behind him.

Something screamed at him to stop. To turn around and go back. To finish talking with Karen and figure things out. But he didn’t listen. He stormed out the front door, hopped in his Corvette, and sped towards the Shamrock.

Chapter Text

Gordo had stopped by a bakery on his way back from Ellington. The cake was in a box next to his flight bag in the passenger seat as Gordo drove towards home. The sky was glowing pink and orange in the west, and he knew he would make it home just in time for Danny’s going-away dinner.

Gordo was relieved that he had been able to climb back into the cockpit of the T-38 and get back into the air. After his panic attack, he had been determined not to let his fear win. He had had to take a few deep breaths on the runway, but then he had taken off, back into the air. His mask had still made him uneasy. Beads of sweat had formed on his forehead and upper lip again, but he had embraced the fear. He had stopped fighting it. He had accepted that he was going to be uncomfortable, and he had let that anxiety fuel him.

Once they were both in the air, Ed had asked him a few times if he was okay. If he was still up for it. Gordo had assured Ed that he was. That he was a little nervous but that he was powering through it. He had worked through his fear, and he and Ed had engaged in more dogfighting.

When they were back on the ground, Gordo’s nerves had settled. Ed had seemed pleased that Gordo had faced his fear, and Gordo was proud of himself for having done that as well.

Gordo pulled into his driveway. He killed the engine and got out of his Corvette, leaving the top down. He grabbed his flight bag and the cake box from the passenger seat and went inside. As he walked through the front door, he smelled the heavy aroma of garlic. His mouth immediately began to water. He made his way to the kitchen, finding Tracy removing a pan of garlic bread from the oven.

“That smells delicious,” Gordo said.

Tracy set the pan on the stove beside a casserole dish of lasagna. She turned to look at him and smiled as she removed an oven mitt from her hand.

“Thanks,” she said, tossing the oven mitt on the counter.

“And you got the oven working again,” Gordo said. “You must have the magic touch because that damn thing never works properly for me.”

Tracy smirked. “Yeah. All I had to do was turn it on and to the correct temperature.”

Gordo grinned.

“I’m going to give you cooking lessons one of these days,” she said.

“It’s not me,” Gordo insisted with a chuckle. “It’s the damn oven.”

“Right,” Tracy said with an amused grin, shaking her head. “So, how was flying with Ed?”

Gordo smiled. “Mostly good.”

“‘Mostly?’” she asked, eyeing him curiously.

“Yeah,” he said. He walked over by her and set the cake box down on the counter and his flight bag on the floor.

She stared at him with her eyebrows lifted. He knew she was waiting for an explanation.

“I, uh—I had a little moment in the jet,” he said.

“'A little moment?'”

“You remember what I told you at Jamestown, about the first time I was up there?”

She nodded.

“About how I lost it and tried to take my helmet off while I was outside?”

“Yeah,” she said gently, watching him closely.

Gordo took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “What I haven’t told you yet is that before my last launch, I went through that again a couple of times. Not as severe, but…”

“What do you mean?”

“During training for Jamestown 91, I had a hard time in my suit. Every time they put my helmet on me, I panicked. I never did conquer that fear until—Well, until my launch. When Ed showed up, he helped me with it.”

Gordo paused, remembering how nervous he had been about putting on his helmet before his launch. Then, Ed had shown up in Florida to see him off. Ed had put Gordo’s helmet on for him, and something about that moment had calmed Gordo. It was as though Ed knew Gordo could do it. Ed had faith in him. And that belief that Gordo was fully capable of going back into space was what had settled Gordo’s nerves before his launch. It was what had made him realize that Ed was right – that Gordo could return to space and be okay.

“But there was a moment before that,” Gordo continued. “Do you remember when Ed and I went flying and he had to eject over the Gulf?”

Tracy lifted her eyebrows and nodded. “Yeah, I remember hearing about that.”

“Well, before we took the jets up—Before I left for Ellington, I was at The Outpost, watching wrestling with Danny. I, uh—I saw some ants on my Pepsi can, and I—Well, I lost it. I thought I was seeing things again, and it freaked me out.”

“Is that...what happened today?” Tracy asked. “You were seeing things?”

Gordo shook his head. “No, not exactly. I just—When I put on my oxygen mask…” He trailed off, sighing. “It was like I couldn’t catch my breath. I started sweating, and my hands were shaking on the control stick.” He paused and locked eyes with Tracy. “It was like I was back up there, Trace. Back on the moon. You and me. Running across the surface with our oxygen masks on.”

“Oh, Gordo,” Tracy whispered.

“That’s what it reminded me of,” Gordo continued. “And it just—It freaked me out.” He continued, telling her that, at first, he had thought he was having a heart attack and that the doctors had missed something. “But then I realized what it was.”

“What?” Tracy asked, watching him intently with concern in her eyes.

“When I was going to Dr. Marsten, he told me what it was. The shortness of breath, the shaking, the sweating, feeling lightheaded.” Gordo paused before saying, “He called it a ‘panic attack.’ Said it was sort of a new concept that psychiatrists were just beginning to understand.” Gordo paused and then softly said, “But the way he described it, Trace—It was like he was in my head.”

“I’m sorry, Gordo,” she said gently, frowning. “I didn’t realize that what happened up there was affecting you like this.”

Gordo shook his head. “I didn’t either, to be honest. I mean, it wasn’t. Not until today.”

“But you still went up in the T-38?”

Gordo nodded. He told her what had happened with the mask the first time climbing into the T-38. He told her about how he had calmed down and was fine during the dogfights with Ed. He told her about what Ed had said about having fifteen minutes of fuel remaining before they needed to head back and how that had triggered his memory about running on the surface of the moon with Tracy.

“I was panicking, Trace,” Gordo whispered. “Ed had to talk me down. I was finally able to land, but I felt like I was going to pass out when I got out of that cockpit.”

Tracy frowned but said nothing. She took his hand, squeezing it gently as she listened.

He squeezed her hand back and continued. “Ed and I—We talked a little bit. I told him all this—Everything that Dr. Marsten had told me about panic attacks. Then, I just—I didn’t want that fear to paralyze me, you know? So…” Gordo trailed off and offered a small smile. “So, we went back up.”

“What do you mean? You took the jets up again?”

Gordo nodded. “I was scared, but...like I told you at Jamestown, I am done running from my fear.”

Softly, Tracy said, “I’m sorry you went through that today, Gordo.” She gave his hand another squeeze. “But I’m proud of you for facing that fear.”

Gordo smiled gently and whispered, “Thanks.”

“Do you think you should start seeing your psychiatrist again?”

“Dr. Marsten retired a few years ago.”

“Right,” Tracy said. “But maybe a different one?”

“Mm. Maybe.”

“And I’m here for you too,” she said. “If you ever want to talk about what happened at Jamestown. Or anything else.”

“I know.” Gordo smiled. “Thank you, Trace.” He squeezed her hand. “And you know I’m here for you too.”

Tracy smiled. “I do.”

He nodded, searching her eyes. They still held hands. Gordo found himself saying, “You’re still my best friend, you know.”

Tracy’s smile widened. “Yeah,” she said softly. “You’re mine too, Gordo.”

Gordo’s stomach fluttered with nerves. He was a little surprised to hear her say that. After everything they had been through, he hadn’t been sure that she still felt that way.

“You ready to eat?” she asked, pulling him from his thoughts.

“I’m going to go change first and wash up.”

“Okay,” she said, letting go of his hand.

She still looked up at him, and he held her gaze. He took a deep breath, willing the butterflies in his stomach to settle.

“Okay,” he said quietly.

When she turned back to the stove, he picked up his flight bag from the floor and left the kitchen. He went to the bathroom to get cleaned up, and then he changed into a beige Ban-Lon polo and a pair of brown pants.

He had dinner on the back patio with his family, grateful to have them all there but a little sad that Danny would be leaving for another month and a half. But that was the nature of his chosen career. And as much as Gordo would miss his son, he was equally proud of him for doing what he loved and going after the career he wanted.

After dinner, Gordo asked, “Who wants cake?”

“You bought it, right?” Danny asked.

Gordo chuckled. “I did, yes.”

“Okay, then I’ll have a piece.”

“Me too,” Jimmy said.

“Yeah,” Tracy said. “Since you didn’t make it, I’ll give it a try.”

Gordo laughed, shaking his head. He went back into the kitchen to retrieve the cake and a knife. Returning to the patio, he cut the cake into rectangles, putting the pieces on plates and handing them out to his family. He cut a piece for himself – probably larger than he needed, but it looked so good – and sat down again.

They all sat around the table as they ate, talking and laughing. Gordo was very aware that it was their last night together for a while. He knew when Danny would be back, but he didn’t know about Tracy. He wondered if she would continue to visit as often, now that one of her sons would be away at school. He hoped so. But he could feel things changing. He could feel a shift in the air. He didn’t know what it meant, but he could feel that things were going to be different. He just wasn’t sure in what way or if the change would be good or bad.

The sun had been down for hours when Tracy said, “It’s getting pretty late.”

Gordo checked his wristwatch, seeing that it was a few minutes past eleven.

“Yeah,” Danny agreed. “I should probably turn in. I’m already packed, but I need to catch a cab early to get to the airport.”

“‘Catch a cab?’” Gordo said. “No way. I’ll take you.”

“Yeah,” Tracy said. “Me too.”

“You guys don’t have to do that.”

“Don’t be silly,” Tracy said. “We want to. You’re our baby boy, and we’re going to see you off.”

“Don’t make it weird,” Danny said but then smiled.

Tracy smiled too.

“We’ll all go,” Gordo said.

Jimmy groaned quietly.

“You don’t have to,” Gordo said to his younger son. He turned back to Danny, saying, “But your mom and I will take you.”

“I’ll just say goodbye tonight,” Jimmy said.

Danny smirked. “You’d never make it in the Navy.”

“Good thing I don’t want to join the Navy then.”

They all got up from the table and cleared it, returning to the house. Gordo washed the dishes while Jimmy put away the leftover lasagna and garlic bread.

They all said goodnight, and the boys disappeared to their respective bedrooms. When Gordo and Tracy were alone in the kitchen, she turned to him.

“I should get going,” she said.

“You don’t have to. You can stay here, you know.”

“I don’t…” She trailed off, sighing softly.

“You don’t, what? You don’t want to?”

“It’s not that.”

“What?” Gordo prompted gently. “Sam doesn’t want you to?” He paused. “I guess I can understand that. If you were my wife again, I wouldn’t want you sleeping at his house either.”

She nodded slowly, staring somewhere past his shoulder. Her eyes were unfocused, and she wore a small frown.

“What is it?” he asked.

“Nothing. It’s…” She shook her head. “It’s nothing.”

He furrowed his brow. “Come on, Trace. It’s not nothing.”

She sighed and then met his eyes. “Sam and I—We sort of ended things.”

Gordo’s lips parted and his eyes widened. He didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t even sure he had heard her correctly. “You...ended things?”

She nodded.

The butterflies returned to Gordo’s stomach. He hadn’t been expecting that. Not really. And not so soon. He didn’t know what that meant for him and Tracy, but he wasn’t about to ask. Her eyes glistened with tears, and he could see how upset she was.

“Come here,” he said, gently pulling her into a hug. “I’m sorry.”

“Are you?” she asked quietly, wrapping her arms around his waist.

“You’re upset,” he said. “Of course I’m sorry.”

She sniffled quietly against his chest but said nothing else. He rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head. She squeezed him around the waist.

“I really should get going, though,” she said.

“You’re going back there?”

She shook her head against his chest. “But it’s late, and I need to get a room at the Shamrock or somewhere.”

“No, Trace,” Gordo said. “You’re staying here.”

“Gordo—”

“The mother of my children isn’t staying at some hotel. Not when I have a perfectly good bed and couch right here.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Tracy said, pulling back just enough to look up at him. “With our history...with...everything…”

“Look,” Gordo said. “Just stay tonight, okay? It’s late. We can work out the rest of it tomorrow.”

Tracy searched his eyes for a long moment. He waited for her to debate whether or not to stay. Finally, she sighed, saying, “Fine. I’ll stay tonight.”

He smiled. “Come on.” They parted, and he held out his hand. She took it, and he led her to the bedroom. “I know, I know,” he said as they entered the bedroom. “No funny business.”

She chuckled. “Yeah,” she agreed. “Just because Sam and I are done doesn’t mean I’m jumping into a relationship with you or anyone else.”

“‘Anyone else?’” Gordo said. “You have your eye on someone I don’t know about?”

“I don’t have my eye on anyone, Gordo. That’s my point.”

He nodded, watching her closely. Then, he walked over to his nightstand and opened the drawer. He reached in and pulled out a key ring with two silver keys attached to it. He closed the drawer and then turned back to Tracy.

“Here,” he said, holding out the key ring so that the keys dangled from it.

She hesitated, looking back and forth between Gordo and the keys.

“If you’re going to be staying here,” he began, “you should have these back.”

Tracy reached up and gently took the keys from him. He smiled as she softly said, “Thanks, Gordo.”

Chapter Text

“Hey.”

Danny looked up from where he stood beside his bed to see his brother in his bedroom doorway. Danny had told his parents that he was finished packing – and he was, for the most part – but he still had a few last-minute items to pack.

“Hey,” Danny said, gently placing a framed photo of himself with Jimmy and their parents in his duffel bag.

“If you want me to come tomorrow, I can,” Jimmy offered.

“It’s okay.” Danny smirked. “I know you need your beauty sleep.”

Jimmy smiled a little but said nothing more.

Danny finished with his duffel and zipped it up and then set it on the floor beside his nightstand. He turned to look at his brother again who lingered in the doorway. “You need something else?”

Jimmy shrugged and entered the bedroom uninvited. Four years earlier, that would have driven Danny nuts, having his little brother come into his room whenever he pleased. But being older now, Danny didn’t mind so much. Plus, the two of them having nearly lost both of their parents had brought them closer together. Even though neither had said anything to that effect, Danny could feel it.

Jimmy absently browsed Danny’s room. He stopped at Danny’s desk, picking up an item. He turned around and leaned back against the desk. As he examined the item, Danny could see that it was a Pinewood Derby car.

“I made that with Shane,” Danny said. “A couple of months before…”

Jimmy looked up from the car to Danny. He was quiet for a long moment before asking, “Why did you...do that with Mrs. Baldwin?”

Danny averted his gaze, feeling a mild wave of embarrassment. But Jimmy didn’t sound like he was judging. He sounded curious. Finally, Danny looked up again.

“Because I...I’m in love with her.”

Jimmy looked at him for a long time. “Is she in love with you?”

Danny hesitated. Then, his eyes began to burn as he shook his head.

“So, why did she do it?”

Danny shrugged a shoulder. “I guess you’d have to ask her that.”

“How long have you been in love with her?”

“I don’t know. A few—A few years.”

“Really?”

Danny nodded. “I told Kelly it’s a pretty recent thing, and I guess that’s true since I have known Karen my whole life. But I’ve had feelings for her for a while.” He sighed. “I mean, I always liked her. You know, when we were kids, Admiral Baldwin was so strict. But then Karen would just—She was always so sweet and gentle and kind. I think I always admired that.”

“So, why now?”

“Just...working at The Outpost with her.” He shrugged again. “One night, we got to talking about Shane and the past. We both lost Shane – someone so important to both of us. We had never talked about it before, and when we talked that night, I just felt this connection to her.”

“So, that’s the night you…?”

Danny shook his head. “No, it wasn’t that night. That was just—That was the night that I realized how strongly I felt.” He paused. “I couldn’t stop thinking about her after that.”

Jimmy opened his mouth as though to speak but then closed it again. Danny waited. Finally, Jimmy said, “Mr. Baldwin seemed pretty pissed when he came over the other day.”

“Yeah,” Danny uttered. “I think I was kind of pissed at him too.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because Karen is unhappy. He’s just—He’s not doing his part to make her happy.” Danny spoke around the lump growing in his throat. His voice broke as he continued. “But she wants to stay with him.” Danny scoffed. He waited for the lump in his throat to shrink before he continued. “I told her I wanted to be with her, but she…” He shook his head. “She won’t leave Ed.”

Jimmy was quiet for a few moments before saying, “That sucks.”

Danny let out a short, humorless laugh. “Yeah.”

“I’m sorry,” Jimmy said.

“Thanks.”

Jimmy looked at him for a moment and then turned around, returning the Pinewood Derby car to Danny’s desk.

“Have a safe trip,” Jimmy said after turning to face Danny again.

Danny nodded. He walked over and hugged his brother.

“See you at Thanksgiving,” Danny said when they released their hug.

“Yeah, see you then,” Jimmy said. “Goodnight.”

“Night,” Danny said.

He watched Jimmy leave the bedroom and close the door behind him. Then, Danny walked over to his desk and looked at the Pinewood Derby car. He recalled vividly the day he and Shane had made their cars. Danny and Jimmy had been at Karen’s. Their mom had shown up to pick them up, but Danny had wanted to spend the night so that he and Shane could continue working on their cars together. Karen had made enchiladas for dinner, and Danny and Shane had finished their cars that night.

Danny picked up the pinewood car and examined it, smiling softly to himself. He walked over to his duffel and crouched down, opening the bag. He tucked the car inside and zipped up the bag again.

Chapter Text

“You know, you guys really didn’t have to bring me to the airport,” Danny said. “I could’ve taken a cab.”

“No way,” Tracy said, shaking her head and putting her palms to Danny’s cheeks.

“We wanted to be here,” Gordo added.

Danny looked at him as Tracy lowered her hands.

After everything they had all been through, Gordo wanted to spend as much time with his kids as possible. He knew that Tracy did too. Even if that meant they only spent an extra hour or so with their son, driving him to the airport and seeing him off at the gate, it was worth it. They would take all the extra minutes wherever they could get them.

“Yeah,” Danny said quietly. He smiled gently at Gordo, a look of understanding in his eyes.

Jimmy let out an audible yawn. When everyone looked at him, he smiled sheepishly, saying, “Sorry.”

Gordo smiled. He was glad that Jimmy had decided to join them after all. Despite Jimmy having to get out of bed earlier than he was used to, Gordo wasn’t surprised that he had made the trip to the airport with them. Gordo knew Jimmy was yearning for more time together, just like the rest of them.

“Thanks for coming,” Danny said. He set his duffel bag on the floor and gave his brother a hug.

“Yeah,” Jimmy said, returning the hug.

When they parted, Danny looked back and forth between his mom and Gordo. Softly, he said, “I’m glad you guys are home.”

Gordo’s eyes stung with tears.

“Come here, baby,” Tracy said, pulling Danny into a tight hug. She held onto him for a long time before finally releasing him. She swiped at her eyes.

“Don’t cry, Mom,” Danny said gently.

“Can’t help it.” Tracy smiled a little. “I’m just so proud of you. And I’m going to miss you.”

Danny offered a small smile. “I’m going to miss you too.” He looked at Jimmy and then Gordo. “All of you.”

Gordo nodded. His throat constricted, and he didn’t think he could speak if he tried. Instead, he pulled Danny into a hug, blinking back the tears that were stinging his eyes.

Danny hugged him tightly.

“Be good,” Gordo whispered around the tightness in his throat.

Danny nodded against his shoulder.

Gordo hadn’t expected to feel quite so emotional that morning. He was used to leaving. Used to being apart from his family. He had felt a little emotional when Danny had begun his first year at Annapolis, but most of that had been pride for his son. He had been proud of Danny for following his chosen career path. And, honestly, he had been proud that Danny had chosen to join the Naval Academy. He would have been proud of Danny no matter his chosen career, but something about Gordo’s kid following in his footsteps made Gordo’s heart swell with pride.

But now, Gordo’s emotional state had less to do with his pride for his son and more to do with the fact that their family was not going to be fully together again until Thanksgiving.

As many times as Gordo had been away from his family, he had never felt quite as emotional as he did that morning, seeing Danny off.

But he wasn’t surprised by it. After what had happened on the moon – after nearly dying with Tracy and leaving their kids alone – he valued time with his family more than ever.

He took a deep breath and finally released his son. A tear escaped his eye, rolling down his cheek. He swiped it away.

“Dad,” Danny said, in a soft, pleading tone. “Don’t you cry too.”

“Like your mom said,” Gordo began with a smile. “Can’t help it.”

Danny’s eyes glistened under the airport lights.

“I love you, kid,” Gordo said.

Danny inhaled sharply, blinking rapidly. Gordo thought he was trying to keep the tears at bay. Finally, he said, “I love you too.”

They all said their goodbyes, and then Gordo, Tracy, and Jimmy watched as Danny slung his duffel bag over his shoulder and disappeared down the jetway.

The three of them lingered in the terminal until Danny’s flight departed. They watched through the airport windows until the airplane became a speck in the distance and disappeared into the clouds.

Back home, Jimmy went to his bedroom, while Gordo and Tracy went out back. They sat in chairs around the unlit fire pit, and Tracy let out a heavy sigh.

“You okay?” Gordo asked.

“I’m exhausted. Seeing him off took it out of me.”

“Mm.” Gordo nodded. “Yeah. I’ve never—Never felt quite so…”

“Emotional?”

Gordo smiled. “Yeah. About being apart, anyway.”

“Yeah,” Tracy said quietly. She shifted in her seat to put her elbow on the back of the chair. She rested her head against her hand. “Me either.”

Gordo watched her. She did look exhausted. He felt a little bit of that himself. He hated that their family was separated again. He didn’t want them to separate any further.

Softly, he said, “Why don’t you stay?”

Tracy looked at him, eyebrows lifted in question.

“Here, I mean,” Gordo said. “Stay here with Jimmy and me.”

Tracy sighed softly, sitting up straighter. She was quiet for a few moments before saying, “I don’t know.”

“It will be hard enough with Danny gone now,” Gordo began. “If you leave too…”

Tracy smirked. “Are you trying to guilt me into staying?”

Gordo offered a small smile. “No. I just want you here. Jimmy does too.” He hadn’t talked to Jimmy about it, but Gordo knew it was true. It was clear that Jimmy wanted to keep their family physically together as much as the rest of them did.

“I don’t know, Gordo,” Tracy began. “Won’t that be kind of confusing?”

“For who?”

“For...everyone.”

“How so?” Gordo asked.

She looked at him for a long moment.

He waited.

“Because you want to get back together,” she said finally.

Gordo opened his mouth to speak but hesitated. He closed his mouth and nodded slightly. Then, he said, “I know it doesn’t mean we will.”

“Do you?” Tracy asked gently. She looked genuinely curious.

Gordo nodded again.

“Because I already told you that just because Sam and I are splitting up, it doesn’t mean I’m going to jump into another relationship anytime soon.”

“I know,” Gordo said. “That’s not why I’m asking you to stay.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Gordo said. “Look, you need a place to stay, and Jimmy and I—We want our family together. It seems like an obvious solution.”

“Yeah,” Tracy said quietly. He knew it wasn’t in agreement, though. It was just her acknowledging what he was saying and trying to process it.

“One of us could take the couch,” Gordo said. “Or, now that Danny’s gone, you could sleep in his bed.”

Tracy was quiet for several moments, staring out at the ash and half-burned logs in the fire pit. Finally, she looked at Gordo again, saying, “Okay.”

Gordo smiled.

“I’ll stay here for a little while. Until I can find a place of my own, anyway.”

“Good,” Gordo said. “You can stay here as long as you want to, though. There’s no rush.”

“Just as long as you know that my staying here doesn’t mean anything more than that.”

“Got it.”

“I mean it, Gordo,” Tracy said.

He smiled gently. “I’ll be on my best behavior.”

“Yeah, well, that isn’t really saying much.”

He chuckled, and Tracy smiled.

Chapter Text

Kelly took a cab from Michelle’s house back to the Shamrock Hotel on Sunday evening. She had stayed at her friend's house the night before, after the Stevenses' medals ceremony. She had intended to stay one more night and go to school with her friend Monday morning, but Michelle had started coming down with something and wasn’t planning to go to school the following day. Kelly had tried to call her dad to come pick her up, but he hadn’t answered the phone at the hotel. And Kelly wasn’t ready to talk to her mom yet. So, she had called for a cab instead.

When she arrived at the Shamrock, she paid the cab driver, grabbed her backpack, and headed into the lobby. She went up to the sixth floor, retrieved her room key from her backpack, and opened the hotel room door. She was surprised to hear that the television was on. The lights were on as well, and before anything else, Kelly saw that the room was a mess.

There were beer cans all over the floor, along with food containers. Clothes were scattered and piled everywhere, as though someone had spun around in a circle holding an open suitcase full of clothes. A couple of the framed, decorative paintings that had been on the wall were on the floor as well.

Kelly stopped just inside the room, with her hand on the door, keeping it open.

Had someone ransacked the room?

“What are you doing home?” a familiar voice slurred.

Kelly jumped, startled by the suddenness of the voice. She hadn’t expected her dad to be there.

“Hey,” she said, closing the hotel room door. She walked across the room to her bed, tossing her backpack on it. “Michelle got sick, so she’s not going to school tomorrow.”

“Oh.”

Her dad stood in the bathroom doorway, leaning against the door frame. His eyelids were heavy, and his gaze was unfocused.

“Are you okay?” she asked, looking him over.

“Yeah, m’fine.”

Kelly hesitated. “Okay,” she said finally, not believing him. “I tried to call you.”

Her dad looked to his left, past his bed, to the nightstand between the two beds. The beige phone lay in its cradle beside a mint-green lamp.

“Oh,” he uttered. “I didn’t realize that was you.”

“Yeah, you have to actually answer the phone to find out who’s calling,” she said, a teasing edge to her voice.

“Right,” he muttered. He looked at her. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I got a cab.”

He shook his head. “I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have to do that. Let me—Let me get some money…” Her dad pushed off the door frame with some effort. He stumbled for a moment before catching his balance. Then, he walked across the room, head on a swivel as he searched the floor.

“What’s wrong?” Kelly asked.

“Looking for my bag.”

“It’s right there,” Kelly said.

“Right...where?” her dad asked, still searching the floor with his eyes. Then, he looked at her. She pointed to the bag, and he followed the gesture. “Ah!” He walked over to the bag by the TV cabinet and bent down to pick it up. The movement caused him to wobble, and he caught himself on the cabinet.

“Dad, why don’t you sit down?”

“No, I—I should’ve picked you up. I’m sorry. I need to—to get s’money to pay for the cab.”

“I already paid for it, Dad. It’s fine.”

Her dad let out a heavy sigh and stood up straight again. His back was to her as he scratched at the back of his head.

“Dad,” Kelly urged. “Just sit down. Please. It’s fine.”

He lowered his arm and turned enough to look at Kelly. He was frowning deeply, and he wore an expression she wasn’t familiar with.

“I don’t like you seeing me like this. I didn’t—didn’t expect you to be here…”

“It’s okay,” she insisted. “It’s fine.” She scanned the room again, noting the state of it. No one had ransacked their room. Her dad had trashed it in his drunken state.

Kelly didn’t know why. She didn’t know what had happened to upset her dad so much. She didn’t know if it was more of the same between him and her mom or if something else – something new – had happened.

Kelly began to worry.

It wasn’t the first time she had seen her dad drunk. She knew that he preferred to reserve those moments for when she was not around, but she had seen him inebriated and impaired a handful of times in her life. But she had never seen him quite like this.

“Dad, I think...maybe I should call someone.”

“No, no. I’ll clean it up.”

“What?” Kelly asked, confused.

“This...mess.” Her dad took a few steps forward and stopped in front of a pair of pants and a shirt lying on the floor. He bent over to pick them up and lost his balance. He ended up on the floor.

“Dad!” Kelly rushed over to him, kneeling on the floor beside him. “Are you okay?”

“M’fine,” her dad said, sitting up. “It’s fine. I just—I just lost my balance.”

“Dad, I’m calling Mom.” She got to her feet and headed to the nightstand between the beds.

“No,” her dad demanded from behind her. “No, Kelly. That will just make things worse.”

Kelly stopped and turned around to look at her dad again. He was getting to his feet, using the end of his bed to help him up. Then, he turned around and sat down on the comforter which was bunched up at the foot of the bed.

Kelly watched her dad. She didn’t know what to do. Normally, when she was unsure in a situation, she would consult her dad. Now, she didn’t know who to ask. She wanted to call her mom. Kelly was willing to put aside her anger towards her mom to ask for her help. But her dad had insisted that she didn’t.

“I need to use the bathroom again,” her dad slurred. He got up from the bed and went to the bathroom, disappearing inside and closing the door.

Kelly looked down at the phone. She wouldn’t call her mom. But she needed to call someone. She picked up the phone and dialed.

Chapter Text

Gordo arrived at the Shamrock ten minutes before seven. He walked through the warmly lit, inviting lobby with its muted green floor and walls of mahogany paneling and travertine. He found the Pine Grill where he was supposed to meet Ed, and he slid into a booth. A waitress came over immediately and took his drink order – a club soda.

Gordo hadn’t cut out alcohol from his life entirely. But he had cut back significantly, ever since he had gotten serious about his training for Jamestown 91. He knew that that – along with getting back into a workout routine – was what had helped him lose so much weight before his launch. He hadn’t been particularly set on losing weight, per se, but he had wanted to get back in shape. He always felt better when he kept his body strong and moving. The weight loss had just been a byproduct of that.

But ever since his return from Jamestown, Gordo hadn’t felt strong. His injuries had kept him immobile for days and then fairly sedentary for nearly three weeks. Now that he had been cleared by the NASA flight surgeon to start exercising again, he looked forward to getting back to it. He knew he would have to start out slowly, however. He had lost a few more pounds and a lot of muscle mass over the past three weeks, and he felt much weaker than he was used to.

Getting back in shape would be a process, but Gordo was up for the challenge. And he didn’t have a launch deadline to meet, so he knew he could do it at a slow, healthy pace.

Gordo sipped his club soda, waiting for Ed to arrive. He checked his watch again, noting that it was now ten minutes past seven. He wondered why Ed was late. It wasn’t like he had to drive across town. He was staying right upstairs in the hotel.

Gordo waited a few more minutes. He was beginning to wonder if Ed had forgotten about their plan when the bartender shouted, “Gordo Stevens?”

Gordo looked over. “Yeah?”

The bartender looked at him, lifting the phone receiver he held in his hand. “You’ve got a phone call.”

Gordo furrowed his brow curiously and got to his feet. He walked over to the bar, and the bartender handed him the phone.

He held it to his ear. “This is Gordo Stevens.”

“Mr. Stevens?” a female voice said timidly in his ear. He didn’t immediately recognize it.

“Yes?”

“This is Kelly,” she said. “Baldwin. I, uh, tried calling your house, but Jimmy said you were at the Pine Grill.”

“Yeah. I’m supposed to be meeting your dad here. Is everything okay?”

“I didn’t know who else to call.”

“What’s going on?”

“I don’t know. Something’s wrong. We’re up in our room. Dad’s been drinking, and he’s just—He seems really upset.” She paused. “I’m worried about him.”

“What’s the room number?” Gordo asked. When she told him, he said, “I’ll be right up.”

They hung up, and Gordo took the elevator up to the sixth floor. He stepped out into the hallway and then found Ed and Kelly’s door. He knocked lightly. A moment later, the door opened, and Kelly stood on the other side of the threshold, looking up at Gordo with concern in her eyes.

“Hey,” Gordo said. “You okay?”

She nodded and opened the door wider, letting Gordo into the room. He stepped inside and looked around. The room was a mess. There were clothes, food containers, and beer cans scattered all over the room. It looked like someone had thrown a party but hadn’t bothered to clean up. The scent of beer was heavy in the air. But there was no sign of Ed.

“Where is he?” Gordo asked.

Kelly gestured towards the bathroom door. “He just went in there,” she said quietly. Gordo assumed that was so that Ed wouldn’t hear her. “I didn’t think he’d let me call you.”

Gordo nodded, looking at the bathroom door. He thought about knocking. He wanted to make sure Ed was okay and that he hadn’t passed out or something in the bathroom. Before he could walk over to the door, it opened.

Ed’s gaze was downcast as he turned off the bathroom light and exited. He left the door open and stepped out into the hotel room. Then, he stopped abruptly and looked up at Gordo.

A lazy smile drew up the corners of his mouth. “Hey, Gordo,” he said, dragging out the words. He stumbled over to Gordo, putting his hands on his shoulders and then pulling him into a clumsy hug.

“Hey, buddy,” Gordo said, patting Ed’s back. “How you doing?”

“Good,” Ed said. “M’good.” He released Gordo but didn’t back up. “What, uh, what are you doing here?”

“I was downstairs, waiting for you. We made plans to hang out, remember?”

Ed groaned, putting his hands on Gordo’s shoulders again. “I’m sorry, man. I forgot.”

“It’s all right,” Gordo said. “You look like you’ve been partying pretty hard on your own.”

“No, I…” Ed lowered his hands from Gordo’s shoulders and scanned the room with his heavy-lidded eyes. “Did I do this?” He gestured at nothing in particular, but Gordo assumed he was referring to the mess.

“Yeah, I think so.”

Ed groaned again quietly. Then, his eyes focused somewhere over Gordo’s shoulder.

“Hey,” Ed said.

Gordo turned enough to follow Ed’s gaze to his daughter. Kelly stood in the middle of the room, arms folded tightly across her chest. She looked as worried as she had when she had opened the door to let Gordo in.

“Hey,” she replied softly.

“Come on,” Gordo said, reaching out and clapping Ed on the shoulder. “Let’s get out of here for a bit.”

“No, I—I need to clean up.”

“It’s all right. We’ll do it when we get back, okay?”

“I don’t—”

“Come on, buddy,” Gordo said, keeping his hand on Ed’s shoulder. Ed offered no resistance as Gordo ushered him towards the door. “Let’s go for a walk.”

Gordo steered Ed to the hotel room door. He opened it and let Ed through first. When Ed was in the hallway, Gordo pushed the door up to help block his voice as he turned and whispered to Kelly.

“He’s going to be fine,” he assured her. “He just needs some air.”

Kelly nodded, but she still looked worried.

“And I can help clean up the room when we get back.”

She shook her head. “It’s fine. I got it. Just—Please make sure he’s okay.”

“I will.” Gordo offered a small smile. “He’ll be fine.”

Kelly took a deep breath, letting it out audibly. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Gordo opened the door again, joining Ed in the hallway. He was leaning back against the wall next to the door, eyes closed. Gordo pulled the hotel room door closed behind him and asked Ed, “Ready to go?”

“Yeah,” Ed uttered, opening his eyes.

Gordo put a hand on Ed’s back as they walked side-by-side down the hall. Ed stumbled a couple of times, and Gordo grabbed a hold of his arm to help steady him. He ushered Ed to the elevator, and they got on. When they reached the lobby, they got off the elevator, and Gordo steered Ed towards the main hotel exit. When they were out on the sidewalk, Ed stopped and inhaled deeply.

Gordo did the same. The air was cool but not chilly. Pleasant. He hoped the fresh air would help to clear Ed’s head.

Chapter Text

Tracy rapped her knuckles on the Baldwin front door. She hadn’t planned to show up there. Not at first, anyway. But then when Gordo had said that he was going to meet Ed for a drink at the Shamrock, Tracy got to thinking about Ed and Karen. And about Karen and Danny.

Karen and Danny.

They had slept together. Tracy didn’t know the extent of it. She didn’t know if there were real feelings on both sides. She knew that Danny was in love with Karen – or thought he was, at least. Tracy regretted not talking to Danny about it further. But she had wanted to give her son space. She knew he was embarrassed about the whole thing, but she should’ve pushed it. She should have gotten Danny to talk more about it.

She knew that Gordo had. He had talked to Danny about what had happened with Karen. And Gordo had shared a lot of it with Tracy. But it wasn’t the same as talking directly to her son. And Tracy knew she should have done that before Danny left.

Tracy just hoped that Danny would be able to move forward in Annapolis. She figured the time away would be good for him and help him get Karen out of his head.

Tracy still hadn’t been able to wrap her mind around it fully. That was why she had shown up. She needed answers. She needed to hear it from Karen. She needed to know why her best friend had had an affair with her son.

The door opened a few moments later. Karen stood on the other side of the threshold.

“Tracy,” she said, surprise in her voice. “Hi.”

“Karen,” Tracy said by way of a greeting.

“What’s—What are you doing here? We didn’t have plans, did we?”

“No,” Tracy said. “I just thought I’d stop by. Catch up.”

“Oh, okay.” Karen offered a smile as she moved aside and opened the door more. “Well, come on in.”

Tracy stepped inside and waited for Karen to close the door. Then, the two of them walked down the hall and into the living room, taking a seat on the couch.

“How are you?” Karen asked.

“Good,” Tracy said. Other than thinking about what had happened with Karen and Danny, it was the truth.

“That’s good,” Karen said. “The ceremony yesterday was incredible. Congratulations again.”

“Thank you.”

“Can I offer you a drink?” Karen asked. “Or something to eat?”

“No,” Tracy said. “No, thanks. I’m good.”

“All right. So, what’s new with you? The last time you were here, things were rocky with Sam.”

“Yeah,” Tracy whispered.

She had come over to talk about Karen and Danny. About what the two of them had done. About what Karen had done with Tracy’s son. But she hadn’t figured out what she wanted to say. She didn’t know where to start. Karen didn’t seem to know that Tracy knew anything about it. Karen was still acting like normal – acting like she always had in their friendship. Tracy assumed that, once it was out there – once Karen knew that Tracy knew about the affair – that things between them would change. And as upset as Tracy was about what happened, she also didn’t want to lose her friend.

So, instead of immediately confronting Karen about the affair with Danny, she engaged in the subject of Sam.

“That’s over,” Tracy said. She was leaning forward on the couch with her forearms resting on her knees. She looked down at her hands. She still wore her wedding ring.

“What?” Karen said, surprised. “I mean, I know you said you didn’t think you were in love with him anymore, but I didn’t realize things were going to end so soon.”

“Neither did I,” Tracy said.

“When…”

“Yesterday. After the ceremony.”

“Oh, Tracy,” Karen said. “I’m so sorry.”

“Thanks.” Tracy sighed quietly, twisting her wedding ring around her finger. She wanted to give it back to Sam at some point. She wasn’t ready to see Sam again so soon after their breakup, but she was ready to be rid of the reminder that her second marriage had failed. She would take off the ring when she got home – well, her temporary home at Gordo’s – and give it back to Sam the next time she saw him. Whenever that would be.

“What’s the news with Gordo?”

Pulled from her thoughts, Tracy looked at Karen. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, you said you’re still in love with him, right? That you always will be. Does that mean you two are going to get back together?”

“I don’t know,” Tracy said. “Not right now. I need some time to process what happened with Sam.”

“Are you still staying there? At your house?”

“Yeah. Well, my old house.”

“What?”

“Gordo’s,” Tracy clarified.

“You’re staying at Gordo’s?”

Tracy nodded.

“But nothing’s going on between you?”

Tracy shook her head. “I told him I wasn’t ready to think about another relationship just yet.”

“That makes sense. How did he take it?”

“Pretty good, I think. He’s just glad I’m staying at the house, with him and Jimmy.” Tracy paused. “But I know he’s hoping that we get back together eventually.”

“Of course he is,” Karen said. “Do you think you will? Eventually?”

“I’m not sure,” Tracy said. Then, with a smirk, she added, “You know him. Gordo Stevens has a particular kind of charm.”

“Yes,” Karen said.

Tracy looked at her, locking eyes. She found herself saying, “You know the Stevens appeal very well, don’t you?”

Karen furrowed her brow, searching Tracy’s eyes. She shook her head momentarily as though not understanding. But then she stopped, her eyes widening a bit.

“Oh, Tracy,” Karen whispered. She closed her eyes and lowered her head.

“You just weren’t going to tell me?”

Karen re-opened her eyes but didn’t meet Tracy’s. “I don’t know. It’s all been a little crazy lately.”

“Right.”

“I didn’t want to upset you. I knew it would, and I—I didn’t want to lose you.”

“Why did you do it?” Tracy asked.

“It wasn’t planned,” Karen said. She paused for a few moments before adding, “But it was a decision I made.”

Tracy waited, letting her friend explain. She wasn’t sure there was an explanation good enough for what Karen had done, but Tracy wanted to hear her out. She wanted to know exactly why it had happened. Why her son had had his heart broken.

“I swear, Tracy, I didn’t mean to hurt him. And it—Honestly, it wasn’t even about Danny.” She paused, seeming to gather her thoughts. “Ed and I—We haven’t been right for a while. We’ve been okay. We’ve gotten along. But somewhere along the way, I realized that I’m not entirely happy with the way our marriage has been going.”

“So, my son was a pawn in your marriage problems?”

“No,” Karen said quickly. “Well, not intentionally. I had never thought about Danny that way before. Ever. But then one night, we were at The Outpost late, closing up. We had the jukebox on, and we were dancing, and then he…”

“He, what?”

“He kissed me,” Karen said. Then, she quickly added, “I stopped it, and—and I left. Honestly, I thought that was the end of it. But then, days later, we were closing The Outpost again. He wanted to talk about it, but I didn’t. But then he was saying that he couldn’t stop thinking about the kiss, and I don’t know—He seemed to see me. And he liked me. And I hadn’t felt a spark like that in a long time.” She sighed softly. “And I don’t just mean romantically. I realized I hadn’t felt a spark in any way for a long time.”

“What do you mean?” Tracy asked.

“My whole life has been about Ed’s career. Our entire marriage has revolved around the Navy and NASA.” She paused. “After Shane died, I realized how ridiculous those rules were. How ridiculous it was for me to be the obedient, dutiful housewife, doing every single thing in furtherance of my husband’s career.” She looked at Tracy then. Softly, she said, “I know you know exactly what I’m talking about.”

Tracy did know. Before becoming an astronaut, that was exactly how Tracy had felt as well. That her entire life and marriage revolved around Gordo and his career. She had needed something of her own, and when the opportunity had presented itself, she had gone for it with everything she had.

“I never had that,” Karen said. “What you had. What you achieved for yourself back then. What you’re still achieving.” She paused again, still looking at Tracy. Her eyes glistened with tears. “You found something you’re good at. Something you love to do. And you’re doing it. You’ve been doing it for years.”

Tracy nodded, not interrupting.

“I thought I had that with The Outpost. At first, anyway. But over time, I realized that I was still living in this astronaut world. The Outpost is an astronaut bar. And maybe—maybe I’m meant to have a life revolving around that in some way. But I just feel like The Outpost isn’t it. I feel like it’s too connected to Ed. Too connected to his world.” She paused and inhaled deeply. When she let it out, she said, “I need something that is more mine. Something less connected to Ed. Even if that something does end up being space- or astronaut-related, I need something just for me.”

“I get that, Karen. I do. But what does that have to do with Danny?”

“Nothing,” Karen said. “Not really. Like I said, what we did wasn’t about him. It was about me. It was about me needing to feel happy again. It was about me needing to feel joy and to do something fun. Something that made me feel good about myself.” She paused before cautiously saying, “In that moment, I felt good. Danny was seeing me. Something Ed hadn’t done in a long time. Not really. And that felt nice. It wasn’t about it being Danny. It was about being seen. About feeling that spark. About feeling like something else was possible. Something more than a life revolving entirely around Ed’s career. So, I fueled it. I embraced that spark and let it make me feel like the world was possible. Like there were so many more options and opportunities out there.”

“I get what you’re saying,” Tracy began. “Trust me. You know I’ve been there. But Danny?”

Karen nodded, lowering her gaze again. “I didn’t realize how he felt. Honestly, I wasn’t really thinking too clearly in that moment. I was just feeling, and what we did was completely in response to that.” She paused before adding, “Believe me, Tracy, if I could undo it, I would. I didn’t know he had such strong feelings for me. I had no idea. I thought it was just a shared moment between friends, that’s all. It wasn’t until afterwards that I realized how strong his feelings were.”

“Are,” Tracy corrected. “How strong his feelings are.”

Karen nodded again but said nothing.

“He thinks he’s in love with you, Karen. And what you did—You really messed with his head and his heart.”

“I know,” Karen whispered. She looked up at Tracy again. At regular volume, she said, “I wish I could take it back. I never meant to hurt him, Tracy. I never meant for any of this to happen.”

“Does that mean you don’t have feelings for him?”

“I know he thinks he’s in love with me,” Karen began, “and maybe he is, in his way. But I don’t feel that way about him. Like I said, it was a decision I made in that moment. I let my desire to be seen and feel joy again cloud my judgment.”

“So, it really wasn’t about Danny?”

“Of course not.”

“So, you’re saying that if someone else – someone other than Danny – had been there that night, and they had made you feel joyous and seen, that you would have done that with them instead?”

“I don’t know,” Karen said. “Maybe. All I know is that it wasn’t about Danny at all. I don’t feel that way about him. I never have. I feel terrible that he has gotten hurt because I didn’t think through my actions.”

“Yeah,” Tracy said quietly. She didn’t know what else to say. She hated that Karen had hurt Danny. She hated that her son was confused and heartbroken. But she also understood where Karen was coming from because Tracy had been there herself. She hadn’t cheated because of it – no, Gordo had done enough of that – but she knew what it was like to feel unseen. To feel unappreciated. To feel like the spark had gone out in life. And she knew what it was like to have that spark rekindled. To feel happiness and excitement again. It was the way she had felt when becoming an astronaut. She had found something for herself, and she had jumped in headfirst. Tracy just hated that the spark for Karen – the thing she had jumped into headfirst – was an affair with Danny.

“I hope you can forgive me,” Karen said quietly. “But I understand if you can’t.”

Tracy nodded. She inhaled deeply, letting it out slowly. “I think I just need some time,” she said finally. “To sit with this for a while.”

“Okay,” Karen said. “I understand. Take as much time as you need.”

Chapter Text

“Come on,” Gordo said outside of the Shamrock Hotel. He put his hand on Ed’s shoulder and steered him down the sidewalk on Main Street.

As they strolled away from the hotel, Gordo kept an eye on Ed, steadying him each time he stumbled to make sure he didn’t fall. Ten minutes passed before Ed stopped stumbling, and another ten minutes went by before he stopped walking altogether. Gordo stopped too and turned to face Ed.

“You all right?” Gordo asked.

Ed nodded. Gordo watched him for a moment. Ed’s eyelids were heavy as he looked up at the navy blue sky.

With his hands in his pants pockets, Ed said, “Sorry I forgot about drinks with you.”

“It’s fine,” Gordo said. “I don’t care about that.” He paused before asking, “What’s going on with you, man?”

"I don't know what I'm doing anymore, Gordo." Ed paused and shook his head. "I'm a lousy father to Kelly. Just like I was to Shane." Tears glistened in his eyes before he turned away from Gordo.

"Ed," Gordo began with a sigh. "You're not a lousy father. You just—You're just going through a rough patch. She knows that."

"That's the point," Ed said, raising his voice. He sounded angry, but Gordo could hear the desperation and sadness as his voice broke. "She shouldn't know that, Gordo. She shouldn't see me like this."

Gordo watched Ed. He felt an ache in his chest because he knew what Ed was going through. Gordo had been there himself not so long ago. "Remember when I was having a rough time earlier this year? When we were out on the road and I told you I didn't want my kids seeing me in that state?"

Ed nodded.

"You told me that my boys worship me."

"Yeah," Ed said. “They do.”

"Kelly worships you too, Ed. You've been a great dad to her, and she knows that."

"She was scared today, Gordo." Ed looked at him with an expression of disgust. "She was scared—scared of me." His voice broke again. "Just like Shane."

"She wasn't scared of you, buddy. She was scared for you. She's worried about you."

Ed sniffled.

"What happened, Ed?"

Ed was quiet for a long time, staring out at the horizon. "Karen," he said finally. "She wants to go to business school." He paused before adding, "In Virginia."

"Okay," Gordo said. "So, what does that mean?"

"Hell if I know. I thought she wanted to work on our marriage. I told her that's what I want, and she said she wants to go to business school."

"That's it? That's all she said? Did she say she doesn't want to work on your marriage?"

Ed shook his head. "She said that she can do both." He shrugged. "I just—I thought she'd stay here."

"When would she leave?"

"She said something about the spring semester."

"That's months away, man. It's only October. You have time."

“And then, there’s Kelly.”

“What about her?”

“She’ll be away at the Naval Academy. Karen will be away at William and Mary.” Ed paused. “And here I’ll be, still in Houston, completely alone.”

Gordo sighed softly again. “You and Karen have time to work on things. You’ll get back on track with your marriage. And Kelly won’t start at Annapolis until next fall. Buddy, there’s plenty of time.”

Ed sniffled but said nothing. He still faced away from Gordo.

“I know what it’s like,” Gordo began. “This spiral you’re in right now. It feels impossible to get out of. But you still have Kelly. She looks up to you so much. And Karen—You both want to work on your marriage, right?”

Ed nodded.

“So, do that. Forget about her going to business school. Focus on where you two are right now.”

“Yeah,” Ed whispered, still not looking at Gordo.

“You’ll get through this,” Gordo said.

Ed sniffed and looked at Gordo. His eyes glistened as he nodded slightly.

“Look at what you and I have been doing all these years,” Gordo said. “Going to space. Going to the moon. We’ve been on so many missions that have taken us away from home. Hell, we spent a hundred and forty-five days together up there – and you were up there even longer – not knowing when we would make it back home.” Gordo paused before adding, “Karen just wants to go to business school a few hours’ flight away, right?”

Ed took a deep breath, letting it out audibly. Quietly, he said, “Yeah.”

Gordo nodded, watching him. “I get it, buddy. It’s tough. When Tracy became an astronaut, I didn’t handle it very well. I was a real ass about it a lot of the time, to be honest.”

Ed looked at him.

“I was just scared,” Gordo admitted. “Because I could feel things changing between us. She was finding herself, which was a great thing, but I was afraid it would take her places I couldn’t go. Or wouldn’t be invited to. I was afraid she would move on without me.”

Ed nodded. “That’s what I’m afraid of.” He paused. “That Karen will get out into the world and realize she doesn’t want to be with me.”

“But she said she wants to work on your marriage, right?”

“Yeah. She said before – when she told me about the affair – that she thought we might need counseling.”

“Mm. Maybe you should take her up on that, Ed. If that’s what she wants – if that’s the only way to get her back – you’d be an idiot not to do it.” Gordo paused, recalling how his own marriage had fallen apart because he hadn’t known how to fix it. “Trust me,” he added quietly. “I’ve been there. You don’t want to wake up ten years from now, regretting not doing everything in your power to make your marriage work.”

Ed sighed heavily again. After a few moments, he said, “I stormed out.”

“What?”

“Yesterday. When Karen and I talked. She told me about William and Mary and business school, and I stormed out.”

“It’s a tough situation,” Gordo said. “I’m sure she gets it.”

“I just want us to go back home,” Ed admitted. “To be a family again.”

Gordo watched him. Ed’s eyes glistened under the moonlit sky. “Talk to her, Ed. It’s the only way that’s going to happen.”

Ed nodded, looking up at the moon.

“In the meantime,” Gordo said. “Why don’t you and Kelly come stay at my place?”

Ed lowered his gaze from the sky to look at Gordo. Then, he lowered his gaze further, scratching at the back of his head. “I don’t know.”

“Come on, Ed. There’s no reason you need to keep staying at that hotel.”

“Danny…” Ed began but trailed off.

Gordo knew where he was going with it. Ed thought Danny was still at home. Gordo shook his head. “He left for Annapolis this morning.”

Ed nodded. He was quiet for a few moments before saying, “I don’t want to put you out.”

“You wouldn’t be putting me out, Ed. I offered.”

“Yeah,” Ed said, but Gordo could hear the hesitation in his voice.

“Wouldn’t Kelly be more comfortable in an actual home?” Gordo asked, knowing how to get to him. “Even if it’s not her own.”

Ed sighed quietly and nodded.

“Okay,” Gordo said. “So, pack up your shit and come on over.”

Ed looked at Gordo again, studying him for a few moments. Then, softly, he said, “I’ll think about it.”

Chapter Text

“Hey,” Tracy said when Gordo entered the living room. “How were drinks with Ed?”

“Uh,” Gordo uttered. He walked over to the couch and sat down to her left. “We didn’t get to that.”

Tracy furrowed her brow. “I thought you guys were planning to go out for drinks.”

Gordo nodded. “We were, but…” He trailed off, shrugging a shoulder.

Tracy watched him for a moment before saying, “Well, don’t keep me in suspense. What happened?”

Gordo sighed softly. “We went for a walk instead. He’s…” Gordo shook his head. “He’s not in a good place right now.”

“Oh,” Tracy uttered. “Because of Karen?”

Gordo nodded. “He’s afraid she’s going to leave him.”

“Shouldn’t he be the one to leave her?” Tracy asked. “She’s the one who cheated, after all.”

“I don’t know,” Gordo said. “I guess. But he doesn’t want that. He wants their marriage to work, and he’s afraid that she doesn’t.”

“She does,” Tracy said.

Gordo looked at her curiously. “How do you know that?”

“Because I talked to her today. Karen.”

Gordo lifted his eyebrows in surprise. Tracy hadn’t said much to him about Karen or how she felt about the whole situation between her and Danny. Gordo figured she was just taking some time to process what had happened and wrap her head around it. He hadn’t expected her to talk to Karen so soon.

“How did that go?” Gordo asked, watching her closely.

Tracy shrugged. “Weird.”

“Weird, how?”

“Because part of me is really upset about the whole thing. About what she did with Danny. I know our boy is a man now, but it’s just—I couldn’t understand why Karen would do that with him.”

“Yeah,” Gordo whispered. He hadn’t been able to understand it either. But he had been more concerned about Danny and how he was coping with Karen’s rejection than why Karen had done what she did.

“Another part of me sort of…” Tracy trailed off, shaking her head.

“Sort of, what?”

“Understands,” Tracy finished.

Gordo furrowed his brow. “Really?”

“Don’t get me wrong,” Tracy said. “I’m pissed about the whole thing. But I get her reasoning. It wasn’t about Danny.”

“What was it about?”

“Karen. And Ed, somewhat.”

“Okay,” Gordo said, dragging out the sound a bit. He didn’t understand, but he waited to let her explain.

“She feels like her entire life has revolved around Ed and his career. Still revolves around Ed and his career. She’s never really had anything of her own, away from him. Something she can get excited about on her own.”

“What about the bar?”

“It’s an astronaut bar,” Tracy reminded him.

“Right.”

“It’s still very central to Ed’s world. And she just feels sort of...stuck, I guess. That’s what I took from her explanation.”

Gordo nodded slowly. He understood that feeling well. After he and Tracy had gotten divorced, that was exactly how he had felt. Stuck. And then when she had gotten remarried, that had pushed him over the edge. He had realized just how alone he was – with Tracy starting her new life with Sam, and his kids growing up and having their own lives away from home. Gordo had been ground-bound for nearly a decade, had drown himself in the bottle, and had spiraled deeper and deeper into depression.

He had told Ed something similar that night on the road months earlier. He had told Ed that he was stuck, that the past wouldn’t let him go, that he had left something up at Jamestown, and that he felt like he didn’t exist anymore.

“I guess she’s been unhappy for a while,” Tracy continued. “So, when Danny showed interest in her, it lit some kind of spark for her.” Tracy shrugged. “Not because of Danny himself. But because his interest made her feel good about herself again. Something she hadn’t felt in a long time, apparently.”

“So, it wasn’t about Danny?”

Tracy shook her head. “But I hate that she used him that way.”

“Yeah,” Gordo agreed quietly, picturing how upset Danny had looked during their talks about what had happened and how Karen didn’t feel the same way about him.

“I don’t think she meant to use him that way. She said she didn’t realize how strong Danny’s feelings for her were until afterwards.”

Gordo nodded. He looked at Tracy again, studying her face. She looked back at him.

“How are you feeling about it?” Gordo asked. “I mean, she’s your friend. Or...was.”

“Yeah,” Tracy uttered. “She was. Maybe still is. I don’t know yet. I’m still trying to process. It’s a lot.”

“It is.”

“I guess what I’m most upset about is the fact that Danny got hurt in all of it.”

Gordo nodded his agreement.

“But from what she told me, she never meant for that to happen. According to her, she didn’t even know how he felt about her. She thought that he had gone into it with the same mindset that she had, and then she found out after the fact that he had these strong feelings for her.”

“Right.”

“Maybe I can forgive her someday,” Tracy said. “I don’t know.”

“Yeah,” Gordo said, watching her closely. He hated that she was upset. That she and her best friend were on the outs. He knew how that was. Gordo and Ed had had their fair share of arguments and fights over the years, but neither had ever betrayed the other quite like Karen had done to Tracy. He knew something like that would be difficult to forgive.

“So, tell me about your night,” Tracy said. “Sorry. I kind of hijacked the conversation.”

“It’s all right,” Gordo said with a small smile. “Ed’s just upset about how things are going with Karen. I guess she is planning to go to business school or something. He’s afraid she’s just going to up and leave him.”

“Oh,” Tracy said. “Yeah. She mentioned something about that. About going back to school.”

Gordo nodded. “And with Kelly off to Annapolis next year, he’s afraid he’s going to be alone.”

“He won’t be alone,” Tracy said. “Kelly will still come back home to visit.”

“Of course she will,” Gordo said. “But I get it.” He paused. “I’ve been through the same thing.”

Tracy looked at him, furrowing her brow. “What do you mean?”

Gordo offered a small, wry smile. “After our divorce, and then when Danny was gone during his first year at the Naval Academy.” He shook his head. “Jimmy was still here, but I couldn’t help but think about what things would be like once he started college. Especially if it was out of state.”

Tracy nodded her understanding.

“I didn’t have a purpose of my own – I hadn’t been on a mission in nearly ten years – and I just felt kind of lost and lonely.”

Tracy frowned, softly saying, “I’m sorry, Gordo.”

He shook his head. “I brought most of it on myself.”

“Still,” Tracy said. “That doesn’t mean I’m happy that you were so upset.”

He smirked. “Well, I’m glad to hear that.”

She chuckled softly. Then, her expression turned more serious again as she asked, “How are you doing with it now?”

“I’m okay,” Gordo said, and he meant it. “Going back to the moon – even as crazy and terrifying as that turned out – gave me a renewed sense of purpose. I feel more like my old self again. Yeah, I miss Danny when he’s gone. And I’ll miss Jimmy too, if he decides to go away for school. But I feel like I can handle it now.”

“You were always good at adapting to new and changing situations,” she said with a small smile. “I’m glad to see you’ve gotten that back.”

“Thanks,” Gordo said. “Me too.”

She reached out and took his right hand with her left, holding it on the couch cushion between them. He looked down at their intertwined fingers, noticing that her wedding ring was missing. His heart leapt for a moment. Of course, he already knew that Tracy and Sam had split up, but something about her no longer wearing her wedding ring made it feel more official to Gordo.

He took a deep breath and then looked up at Tracy, offering a small smile. After a few quiet moments, he said, “Speaking of new and changing situations…”

Tracy lifted her eyebrows in question.

Gordo lowered his gaze to their hands. He gently rubbed his thumb over her bare ring finger.

“Oh,” Tracy uttered. “Yeah.”

Gordo waited for her to continue, but she didn’t. Softly, he asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”

She shrugged a shoulder, and he thought she was going to say no.

“I just figured I ought to give it back to him,” she said instead.

“But it’s yours, right?” Gordo said. “I mean, when you and I got divorced, you kept your ring.”

“That’s different.”

“Why?” Gordo asked gently. He was glad to hear it. Glad to know that she felt differently about him than she did Sam.

“Because you and I were married forever. Sam and I have only been married for about a minute and a half.”

“Mm. True. But it’s still yours.”

“It’s fine. I don’t mind giving it back.”

“Wait,” Gordo said. “Did he ask you to?”

“No. He wouldn’t do that. I just figured…” She trailed off and sighed, shaking her head.

“What?”

“I don’t know. You and I—We were married for so long. We had these boys together. We had a life together for a really long time.” She paused before adding, “Sam and I…” She looked at Gordo then. “It’s already over before it ever really started. I feel like this marriage between him and me—We never got a chance to really live it.”

Gordo nodded his understanding.

“You and me—We gave our marriage a real shot. Even after everything, we still tried.”

“Yeah,” Gordo whispered, eyes locked on Tracy’s.

“That’s not the case with me and Sam.”

“I get it,” Gordo said.

“I mean,” Tracy began, humor entering her voice. “It’s not that I wouldn’t want the ring. It’s gorgeous.”

“And massive,” Gordo said with a small smirk. “I’m surprised you could even lift your hand with that thing on it.”

Tracy chuckled. “Yeah, it was pretty big.”

“Did you pick it out?” Gordo asked.

“No. Sam did. I didn’t even know he was going to propose.”

“Right,” Gordo uttered. He recalled having found out about the proposal while watching Tracy’s talk show appearance months earlier. “So, if you had picked out a ring yourself…”

Tracy held his gaze for a long moment. “You already know what it would have been.”

Gordo smiled. “I do,” he said softly. “I know you very well.”

Tracy nodded. “And I know you.”

“Do you still have it?” Gordo asked. “Your first wedding ring.”

The corners of Tracy’s mouth turned upwards. “Do you still have yours?”

“Of course.” Gordo smiled. “It’s in the drawer beside my bed.”

“Jewelry box on my dresser,” Tracy said.

“Until Sam finds it and throws it out or sells it.”

“He wouldn’t do that,” Tracy said. “He’ll leave my stuff as it is until I go get it.”

“When will that be?” Gordo asked curiously.

“Not sure. Maybe this weekend. I don’t know. It feels too soon, but I really do need some of my stuff.”

Gordo nodded. “Well, let me know if I can help.”

“Thanks, Gordo,” Tracy said with a small smile as she squeezed his hand.

“You’re welcome.” He paused before changing subjects. “And in other new and changing situations,” he said.

Tracy eyed him with a mix of curiosity and suspicion. “What now?”

He smiled. “Well, I sort of invited Ed and Kelly to stay here for a while.”

“Oh,” she said, surprise in her voice as though that wasn’t what she had been expecting him to say. “Okay.”

“He said he’ll think about it. But if they do come, it’s going to be kind of tight quarters, and I, uh—I guess I wanted to ask you how you felt about bunking with me again so that they can have Danny’s room.”

“Oh,” Tracy uttered again. “Do you think they’re going to be okay sleeping in Danny’s room with all this drama going on between him and Karen?”

Gordo shrugged. “I hadn’t really thought about that. Maybe we could have Jimmy move into Danny’s room instead, and Ed or Kelly could take Jimmy’s.”

“Oh, he’s going to love that,” Tracy said, her words laced with sarcasm.

“He’ll be okay,” Gordo said. He knew Jimmy wouldn’t be thrilled about moving out of his bedroom, but Gordo knew he would adapt as well. “But I understand if it’s weird for you,” he added, referring to Tracy bunking with him again. “I can, I don’t know, get an air mattress or something and sleep on the floor.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Tracy shook her head. “I’ve slept in your bed before. It’s not a big deal.”

He smiled. “Okay.”

“This was your plan wasn’t it?” she asked with a teasing smirk. “To invite Ed and Kelly to stay here so that you and I would have to share a bed again.”

Gordo chuckled. “No, but that would have been a good plan.”

Tracy laughed and squeezed his hand.

Chapter Text

Karen sat in one of the Adirondack chairs beneath a shade tree in her back yard. She had a blanket draped over her lap and a book in hand. Once in a while her thoughts would flit to inventory at The Outpost or the leaky pipes, but then she would remember that those things were no longer her concern. Part of her was glad for that – glad to be finished with The Outpost. But another part of her missed it. It wasn’t The Outpost that she missed so much as it was something to do. Something to occupy her time and keep her busy. But she was enjoying her free time. She didn’t want to spend every day lounging around the house, but for the time being, it was relaxing and enjoyable.

Karen reached the bottom of a page and turned it, the rustling sound mixing with the sound of something else nearby. She looked over her shoulder towards the sound to see Ed slowly walking across their back yard. He wore his work attire – a white dress shirt and tie with a pair of black slacks – and he had his hands in his pockets as he crossed the lawn.

“Come to yell some more?” Karen asked. She knew she shouldn’t have started the conversation that way. If Ed were in a mood, it would only set him off sooner. But she didn’t care. She had tried to talk to him numerous times about their relationship, and he had never engaged for more than a few minutes. She could understand his frustration and anger about what was going on between them, but she wanted them to be able to discuss things like civilized adults.

“No,” Ed said softly. Almost timidly. He stopped on the other side of the vacant Adirondack chair beside Karen’s.

“Okay,” Karen said. She placed her bookmark in her book and set it on her blanket-covered lap. “What, then?”

“I...came to talk.”

“Really?” Karen asked, looking up at him skeptically. “Because you said that the last time and ended up storming out instead.”

“Yeah.” Ed offered a small, sheepish smile. “I’m sorry about that.”

“Can I be honest with you?” Karen said. She was done beating around the bush. She wanted everything out in the open so they could figure out where to go with their marriage.

“Of course,” Ed said, furrowing his brow a little.

Karen refrained from smirking, but she said the honest thought that was on her mind. “You say that like it’s a given.”

“It is,” he said. “You can always be honest with me.”

Karen gave him a doubtful look.

“Okay, maybe lately I haven’t been easy to talk to. It’s just—I’ve just been processing everything. But usually, yes, you can be honest with me.”

Karen hesitated, looking up at her husband. Finally, she said, “It hasn’t felt that way.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t feel like I can talk to you sometimes.”

“Just lately, or…?”

“Always, Ed.”

Ed’s furrowed brow deepened. “Why?”

“Because you fly off the handle, Ed. Because things set you off so easily. That’s a big reason why I did what I did.”

“Why you slept with Danny?”

She eyed him for a moment, knowing he had said it so bluntly out of frustration. “Yes. I just—I haven’t been truly happy for a long time, and I don’t feel like I can talk to you about it.”

“So, you...slept with Danny rather than have a difficult conversation with me?”

“It’s not a ‘difficult conversation,’ Ed. It’s an impossible one. You just—You don’t hear me sometimes.”

“No,” Ed said, his voice rising in volume. “I don’t. Especially when you don’t even tell me things.”

Karen just looked at him.

Ed took a deep breath and scratched at the back of his head. “I’m sorry. I…”

“What?” Karen asked gently. “Just say it, Ed. Say whatever it is you’re thinking. I think we both need as much honesty as possible right now.”

Ed lowered his hand. When he spoke, his voice was calmer. “It just feels like you’re blaming me for what you did with Danny.”

“No,” Karen insisted. “Of course not. I made a decision to do what I did.”

“You should have talked to me, Karen.”

Karen nodded. “I know.”

Ed sighed. “But you’re right. I know I haven’t always made that easy.”

“No,” Karen agreed. “You haven’t. But that’s no excuse for what I did.”

“I’m here now,” Ed said. “And I’m not going to storm out this time.”

“Good.” Karen smiled gently. “Then, have a seat.”

Ed hesitated but then took a seat in the Adirondack chair next to Karen’s.

“I know there’s a lot happening,” Karen began. “And I get that it can be overwhelming. I’m sort of overwhelmed myself.”

Ed nodded, absently staring out at the lawn several yards in front of them.

“But if I decide to go to school, it won’t be because of this. It won’t be because of anything that I’ve done or that you’ve done.”

“I know,” Ed mumbled.

“Do you?”

Ed nodded and looked at her. “I get it. You want something of your own.”

“I do.”

“And you should have that. I just—I…”

“What?” Karen prodded gently.

“We’re in such a bad place with our marriage,” he said. “I thought it was because of that.”

She nodded. “I know. But it’s not. Ed, I want to work on our marriage. I do. You said that you don’t want to get a divorce. Well, I don’t either.”

“Really?” he asked.

“Really,” she said, offering a small smile that she hoped was reassuring.

“So, how do we do that?” Ed asked. “Work on our marriage.”

“Couple’s counseling, for starters.”

He nodded.

“I feel like we need better communication,” Karen said. “I think having a neutral party to help with that might make things easier.”

“Okay.”

“So, you’re willing to do that?”

Ed nodded. “What about moving back in?”

“I never wanted you to leave in the first place, but…”

“But what?”

“You can move back in if you want to,” Karen said. She had more to say on the subject, but she hesitated.

Ed eyed her closely. “But?” he prodded.

Karen smiled wryly. “Like I said, I never wanted you to move out. And especially not Kelly. I get why you both did. But if we’re going to work on our marriage – if we’re going to start couple’s counseling – do you think it would be easier if we live together or apart?”

“Oh,” Ed uttered. “I don’t know. I hadn’t really thought about that.”

“Can you think about it now?”

“What do you think about it?” he asked immediately.

She offered a small smile. “Ed.”

“Okay,” he said. He inhaled deeply, letting it out audibly. “I do miss being here. And I’d love for Kelly to come home. I don’t think she’ll do that unless I do.”

Karen nodded, watching him. She wanted his honest opinion and didn’t want to sway him either way. But she missed Kelly. She missed Ed too, but they had so much going on between them which made her feelings about him and their relationship complicated. But her feelings about Kelly had never changed. She knew Kelly was upset with her, but Karen was not at all upset with Kelly. She understood Kelly’s feelings and she wanted to respect her desire for space, but Karen wanted her daughter home.

“But I don’t know,” Ed continued. “I mean, it might be easier to sort through things or whatever if we’re not living in the same space.”

“Yeah,” she said gently.

“What do you think?” Ed asked.

“As much as I miss you and Kelly, I think you’re probably right about things being easier to process if we’re not living together. At least, for now.”

He nodded.

“But I also hate the idea of you two holed up in that hotel, day in and day out.”

“It’s not so bad. And anyway, Gordo offered to let us stay at his place.”

“Oh?” Karen said, eyebrows raised.

“He invited us last night. I told him I’d have to think about it.”

“Maybe you should take him up on it.”

“I don’t mind the hotel,” Ed began, “but I hate that Kelly’s staying there.”

“Yeah, she should really be at home.”

“I agree. But Gordo’s would be better than the hotel. It’s a home at least, even if it’s not her home.”

“That’s true,” Karen said. She knew she would feel more comfortable with her daughter staying at the Stevenses’ rather than the Shamrock Hotel. “And I can schedule us an appointment for couple’s counseling soon.”

“Okay,” Ed said.

Karen looked at him for a long moment. He stared somewhere past their yard and the trees in the distance. She knew he wasn’t looking forward to counseling. She knew he would rather do just about anything else besides that.

“Thanks,” she said gently.

Ed looked at her. “For what?”

“For not storming out,” she said. “And for agreeing to go to counseling.”

He offered a small smile and nodded.

Karen knew the road to mending their marriage would be a long, tough one. But she was hopeful. She and Ed were talking now. Talking without fighting. It might have been a small step, but it was a step in the right direction. For the first time since confessing her affair to Ed, Karen thought that maybe the two of them would be okay.

Chapter Text

Ed stepped off the elevator at the Shamrock and walked towards his hotel room door. He was feeling better, both mentally and physically. He had just talked with Karen about their marriage and their future. He was glad he had been able to, finally, get through a conversation with Karen without it turning into a fight. He was glad Gordo had given him advice the night before.

He was also glad that Gordo had pulled Ed out of his hotel room the night before.

Ed hadn’t expected Kelly to come home then. Even now, he barely remembered what he had said to her when she had walked into their hotel room. She had surprised him, and he knew he was a wreck. He had lost count of how many beers he had consumed, and at one point, he had trashed the room.

Ed had been embarrassed when Kelly had walked in. And now, sober and thinking clearly ever since his hangover had worn off that afternoon, he was even more embarrassed. Especially since he hadn’t had a chance to talk with her since everything had happened. She had been asleep when he had returned to their hotel room the night before. And she had left for school early, before Ed had gotten up for work.

Ed opened his hotel room door and walked in. Kelly was inside, seated cross-legged on her bed, with textbooks open on the comforter and a notebook open on her lap.

“Hey,” Ed said, bolting the door as it closed.

Kelly glanced up but then resumed working. “Hey.”

“What are you working on?” he asked.

“Just some homework.”

“Okay.” Ed watched her for a moment, wondering what she thought of him. Wondering if she was disappointed in her dad. Wondering if his drunken display the night before had caused her to lose all respect for him.

She stopped writing and looked up at him, eyebrows raised slightly. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Ed said. “Just, uh—I was hoping to talk, but I don’t want to interrupt.”

“Oh,” Kelly said. “No, it’s fine. I’m just getting a head start on a biology assignment. But it’s not due until next week.”

“Ah, okay.”

“What’s up?” she asked, setting her notebook aside.

Ed walked over to the table and pulled out a chair, turning it so that he was facing Kelly when he sat down.

“I’m sorry about last night,” he said finally.

“It’s okay,” Kelly said. “I know you weren’t expecting me back yet.”

“That doesn’t matter,” Ed uttered, the warmth of embarrassment washing over his neck and face. “You should be able to come and go as you please without having to worry about what kind of state I’m going to be in.”

“Dad, it’s okay,” Kelly said. “I know how...rough...things have been lately.”

“Still,” Ed said. “I’ll do better.”

Kelly smiled gently.

“Thanks for cleaning up the room too.”

“You’re welcome,” she said. Then, in a teasing tone, she added, “You really went all out with trashing the place.”

Ed smiled but lowered his gaze, the embarrassment deepening. “I was a little out of my mind.”

“Yeah,” Kelly said. “What was that about? What happened?”

Ed sighed softly. “Just—Things with your mom weren’t going well.”

“Right, but I mean, did something new happen?”

“We had words again Saturday evening, and I...sort of stormed out. Spent all day Sunday just sort of...brooding, I guess.”

“Oh,” Kelly said, brow furrowing in concern.

“It’s okay,” Ed said quickly. “We’re okay. We’re—We talked again. Today. That’s where I was just now.”

“You were with Mom?”

Ed nodded. “We talked about us.”

“How did that go?”

“We’re going to start couple’s counseling soon,” Ed said, trying to keep the dread from his voice. He didn’t want to go to counseling. He wanted to work things out with Karen, but he wanted to do it without a babysitter pointing out all of their problems. He wanted to be with Karen, though, and Karen wanted them to go to counseling.

“Does that…” Kelly started but trailed off.

“What?” Ed prodded.

“Does that mean we’re going back home?”

“You are more than welcome to go back home if you want,” Ed said.

“No,” Kelly said. “I don’t—I don’t think I’m ready for that.”

Ed nodded. “That’s okay. Your mom and I think it will be better if we keep living apart for a while. At least while we’re starting to try to fix things.”

“I see.”

“But we don’t have to stay here at the Shamrock anymore,” Ed said.

“What do you mean?”

“Admiral Stevens has invited us to stay at his house with him and Jimmy.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Does that sound like something you might want to do?”

Kelly nodded. “Yeah.”

“It’s a home, at least,” Ed said, recalling what Gordo had said to him. “Even if it’s not our home.”

Chapter Text

Kelly and her dad packed up their belongings and checked out of the Shamrock Hotel. Kelly was glad for the move. She didn’t mind the Shamrock, but she didn’t want her dad to have to keep paying for a hotel room night after night. It seemed like such a waste of money to her. So when her dad had said that Admiral Stevens had invited them to stay at his place, she was relieved.

Kelly knew the Stevenses well. She had been friends with Danny and Jimmy ever since her parents had adopted her. While growing up, she had spent a lot of time at their house, playing with the boys and going swimming in the back yard. But she had never spent the night. Her parents had never allowed that. As an eight year old, she had never understood it. But as a teenager, she did. She had never felt anything more than friendship for Danny or Jimmy, but she understood why her parents were not okay with their daughter staying over at the house of two teenage boys.

They rolled up in the Stevens driveway where Kelly’s dad parked his blue two-tone Stingray behind Admiral Stevens’s red Corvette. Next to the Corvette was a red Porsche, which Kelly assumed belonged to Mrs. Stevens.

Kelly and her dad got out of the car and grabbed their belongings. As they walked towards the front door, it opened, and Admiral Stevens appeared in the doorway. Kelly’s dad had called him before leaving the Shamrock to let him know they were going to take him up on his offer.

Admiral Stevens grinned. “It’s about time you came to your senses.”

“Yeah, yeah,” her dad said with a smile.

“Come on in,” Admiral Stevens said when Kelly and her dad reached the doorway. The Admiral stepped aside and let them in and then closed the door behind them. He led them down the short hallway and then turned and went into the living room where Mrs. Stevens and Jimmy were seated on the couch.

“Hey, Ed,” Mrs. Stevens said, getting to her feet. “Hey, Kelly. It’s good to see you.” She walked over and pulled Kelly into a hug.

“Hi, Mrs. Stevens. It’s good to see you too.”

“I remember when you were over here every weekend, going swimming and putting my boys in their place.”

Kelly laughed softly. “Yeah, I always loved coming over to hang out.”

“You guys still hang out,” Admiral Stevens said, looking back and forth between Kelly and Jimmy.

“Yeah,” Jimmy said. “But we usually go out in a group. We don’t usually hang out here.”

“True,” the Admiral said. Then, to Kelly and her dad, he added, “Anyway, it will be nice having you here. Both of you.”

“Thanks for the invite,” Kelly’s dad said.

“Yes,” Kelly agreed. “Thank you, Admiral Stevens.”

He chuckled and shook his head a little. “How many times have I asked you to just call me Gordo?”

Kelly smiled softly. “Right. I’m sorry. It just feels a little weird now that I’ve applied to the Naval Academy.”

“I get it,” the Admiral – Gordo – began. He continued with a chuckle, saying, “Danny still salutes me in uniform no matter how many times I’ve told him to stop.”

Kelly laughed softly, having forgotten all of the drama for a moment. When she remembered, she glanced at her dad whose expression was steely.

“Sorry,” Gordo said to him.

Her dad shook his head. “No, it’s fine.”

An awkward silence hung in the air for a moment until Gordo said, “So, we have one bedroom available. And the couch.”

“I’ll take the couch,” Kelly said immediately.

“No,” her dad said. “No way. You’re taking the bedroom. I’ll be fine out here.”

“Dad, no, I—”

“It’s not a discussion. Besides, I’ve slept in way worse places.”

“Thanks, buddy,” Gordo said, and they both chuckled.

“No problem. It’s pretty nice again, since you got your shit together before your launch.”

“Right,” Gordo said with a smirk. “No more beer cans or Cheez Balls all over the place.”

“Exactly,” Kelly’s dad said. He looked at her. “I’ll be fine out here. You need your space.”

“Don’t you need your space too?”

He shook his head. “I’ve slept in a tin can on the surface of the moon.”

“We lived in the tiny Jamestown base for nearly five months,” Gordo added.

“Yeah,” her dad said. “That entire base was about the size of this room. I think I’ll be okay.”

“Fine,” Kelly said with a sigh.

“Jimmy,” Gordo began. “Have you moved your stuff yet?”

“Not yet,” he said. “I will now, though.”

“You moving out?” Kelly’s dad asked.

“Yeah, um…” Jimmy trailed off, looking at his dad.

“We figured one of you could take Jimmy’s room,” Gordo said. “He’ll move into Danny’s for now. I thought it might be less…awkward.”

“Oh,” Kelly uttered. “You don’t have to do that.” She looked at Jimmy. “You can stay in your room. I’ll take Danny’s.”

“It’s really no problem,” Mrs. Stevens said.

Jimmy hesitated but then added, “Yeah, it’s fine. I’ll just grab a few clothes and things and—”

“You really don’t have to,” Kelly said. “I’ll be fine in Danny’s room.”

“You sure?” her dad asked softly.

“Yes,” Kelly said. “It’s just a room. It’s honestly not a big deal.”

“Okay, great,” Jimmy said, offering a half smile. He seemed pleased not to have to move out of his bedroom. She appreciated that he was willing to do so, though, even if his parents had probably forced him into it.

“All right,” Gordo said. “Well, Trace and I are making spaghetti for dinner.”

“Really?” Kelly asked. “That’s one of our favorites.”

“We know,” Mrs. Stevens said with a smile.

Kelly returned the smile, touched that they had decided to make spaghetti just because Kelly and her dad were coming over.

“Wait,” her dad said, narrowing his eyes at Gordo. “You are making dinner?”

“Helping,” Gordo clarified.

“He’s in training,” Mrs. Stevens added with a grin.

“It’s going pretty well,” Gordo said.

“Eh,” Mrs. Stevens uttered. Then, she mock-whispered to Kelly and her dad. “Don’t worry, guys. I’m supervising the entire time.”

“Hey,” Gordo said. “I’m not that terrible.”

“Ha!” Kelly’s dad exclaimed.

“Jimmy?” Gordo asked.

“Sorry, Dad, but I’m going to plead the fifth on this one.”

“It’s the damn oven,” Gordo claimed.

“You don’t cook spaghetti in the oven,” Mrs. Stevens pointed out.

“The...the stove thing, then,” Gordo corrected with a wave of his hand.

Everyone laughed.

“‘The stove thing,’” Kelly’s dad repeated with a shake of his head and a chuckle.

“Like you’re any better of a chef,” Gordo said to him.

“Hey,” Kelly’s dad said. “I’ll have you know, I can make a mean spaghetti.”

“That is actually true,” Kelly agreed. “He’s gotten better in the kitchen over the past few years.”

“See?” Mrs. Stevens said to Gordo. “It’s not impossible.”

Gordo smirked. “Maybe Ed should be the one fixing dinner then.”

Mrs. Stevens swatted him gently on the arm.

“Fine by me,” Kelly’s dad said. “I’ll just be glad to have a home-cooked meal again.”

“You’ll do no such thing,” Mrs. Stevens said. “You and Kelly are our guests, and Gordo and I are making dinner. No matter how hard he tries to get out of it.”

Gordo grinned. “All right. Well, you two feel free to make yourselves at home. You both remember where everything is, right? Bathroom? Kitchen?”

“Yep,” Kelly’s dad said with a nod, and Kelly agreed.

“Come on,” Jimmy said to Kelly. “I’ll take you to Danny’s room.”

“And if you need any laundry done,” Mrs. Stevens began, “I’m sure Gordo would be more than happy to help.”

Gordo looked at her, and she smirked at him as she turned and walked towards the door to the kitchen. He chuckled softly.

“Yeah,” Gordo said. “Whatever you guys need, just let us know.”

“Thanks, buddy,” Kelly’s dad said.

“Yeah. Thanks, Admiral—” Kelly began but stopped herself. “Gordo.”

“Admiral Gordo.” He laughed softly. “I don’t mind that.”

Kelly smiled and then turned to follow Jimmy to Danny’s bedroom. She knew where it was – she had been in it, and Jimmy’s bedroom, countless times while they were all growing up – but she was glad Jimmy was going with her. She didn’t want to be presumptuous and make herself too at home, despite Gordo inviting her and her dad to do just that.

Jimmy opened Danny’s bedroom door and then pushed it inward and waved a hand for Kelly to enter. She walked in and took off her backpack, setting it on the floor beside Danny’s desk. Jimmy lingered in the doorway.

“It’s weird,” Kelly began, “being in here when he’s not even home.”

“Yeah,” Jimmy said. “When we were kids, I always wanted to come in here. He would get so annoyed with me, which made me want to do it even more.” He paused and let out a quiet laugh. “I’d wait until he was out of the house and then come in here and snoop.”

“Did he ever know?”

“He always knew,” Jimmy said, grinning. “I wasn’t very good about putting things back exactly as he had had them.”

Kelly smiled. “Does he still get annoyed when you come in here?”

Jimmy shook his head. “He doesn’t seem to mind anymore.”

“That’s good.” Kelly paused before asking, “Does he...know I’m staying here?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t talked to him since he left yesterday morning. I don’t think my parents have either, so probably not.”

“Do you—Do you think he’ll mind?”

“No. If anything, he’ll probably be afraid that you’ll trash it.”

“Like I’d ever do that.”

“Not normally, no. But after everything that has happened…”

“Yeah,” Kelly uttered. She didn’t want to talk about that at the moment. She didn’t mind staying in Danny’s bedroom because it reminded her of her childhood. Of a less complicated time when she and Danny had been good friends without any drama.

She didn’t know what they were now. She didn’t know if they were still friends. She didn’t know if they could still be friends in the future. She hadn’t fully processed everything that had happened. She was mostly living day to day, worrying about her dad and what would happen between her parents. She hadn’t been able to consider what it would do to her relationship with Danny.

No, she didn’t mind being in Danny’s bedroom. But she wasn’t ready to discuss him yet.

“Are you sure you’re okay staying in here? You really can have my room instead if you want.”

“No, it’s okay,” Kelly assured him.

“All right,” Jimmy said. “Well, I’ll let you get settled, I guess.”

“Okay. Thanks, Jimmy.”

He offered a small smile. “You’re welcome.” Then, he pulled the door closed and left her alone in Danny’s room.

Kelly sat down on the edge of the neatly-made bed. She looked around the room, at the well-organized desk and the posters of bands and fighter jets on the walls. She had been in that room countless times over the years, but she had never felt quite like she did in that moment.

She was still upset with Danny. And her mom. She knew she and her mom would make up eventually, but she wasn’t sure about Danny. He was away at the Naval Academy. She would be going there too but not for almost another year. She didn’t know if she and Danny would still be friends at that point.

She didn’t know why she was so much more upset with Danny than her mom. Maybe because she could be, she figured. She wouldn’t freeze her mom out forever, and she knew that her dad wouldn’t let her, anyway. At some point, he would probably force her to go back home. He couldn’t force her to not be upset, but he would make sure that she talked to her mom. Kelly knew that would happen eventually, if Kelly didn’t initiate it within a reasonable amount of time. No matter what was going on between her parents, they would never pit her against each other.

But Danny…

Honestly, Kelly assumed that if she never talked to Danny again, her dad would be totally fine with that. And Kelly realized that that was why she was okay being so upset with Danny. She was honestly a little afraid of how her dad would react if she and Danny made up. She didn’t know if he would be upset about it. Or if he would want her to stop being friends with him. She was in no hurry to make up with Danny because she felt like being his friend now would somehow be a betrayal to her dad.

But she missed how things used to be. She missed her friendship with Danny. She missed casually hanging out with him and Jimmy and their other friends on the weekends.

And, secretly, despite how her dad might feel about it, she hoped that she and Danny would be friends again in the near future.

Chapter Text

“Thanks for letting us stay here,” Ed said.

“You’re welcome,” Gordo replied.

The two of them were in the back yard, seated in white plastic patio chairs beneath the shade tree in the corner of the yard. From where they sat, they had a full view of the entire back yard, from the patio table to the swimming pool.

Ed and Kelly had arrived a couple of hours earlier, and Gordo was glad for it. He knew Ed was already in a bad head space about his marriage, and Gordo doubted that Ed and Kelly living in a hotel room was helping matters. He was glad that Ed had taken him up on his offer.

“Thanks for dinner too,” Ed added. “That spaghetti was actually pretty good.” He paused, giving Gordo a teasing grin. “Even if you did help with it.”

Gordo chuckled. “Yeah, well, that was mostly Tracy.”

“No shit,” Ed said with a smirk.

Gordo laughed. “I’m trying to learn, but, you know, it’s slow going.”

Ed nodded. A little more seriously, he said, “Well, good for you, man. I’m sure you’ll pick it up.”

Gordo smiled.

Ed inhaled a deep breath, letting it out audibly. After a few moments, he said, “I also wanted to thank you for...”

“For what?” Gordo prodded.

“For last night. For helping me.” Ed scratched at the back of his head and glanced at Gordo with a small, sheepish smile. “I was so wasted.”

“You don’t need to thank me for that. How many times have you helped me out?”

“Well, hell, I’ve lost count,” Ed said with a smirk.

Gordo chuckled. “Me too.”

“But thanks for pulling me out of there. I…” He trailed off, exhaling heavily. “I hate that Kelly saw me like that.”

“You’re welcome. How is she handling everything?”

“In her Kelly way.”

“What does that mean?”

“She’s tough.”

“Of course she is,” Gordo said. “She’s your daughter.”

“No,” Ed uttered. “She’s tough in ways that I’m not. In ways that…are really her own.”

“How so?”

“She doesn’t let things, I don’t know, get to her. I mean, she gets upset. Of course she does. But she’s just really good at…” Ed shook his head, staring out at the back yard. “Handling things.”

“That’s good.”

“Like last night. I started remembering some things. I remember that she had wanted to call Karen, but I wouldn’t let her.”

“That’s understandable. That probably wouldn’t have helped things.”

“No, probably not. But then Kelly called you.” Ed looked at him. “Didn’t she?”

Gordo offered a small smile. He hadn’t told Ed that Kelly had called him. He had thought that Ed might assume that Gordo had gone up to Ed’s hotel room on his own, looking for Ed when he hadn’t shown up at the bar. But Gordo wasn’t surprised that Ed had figured it out.

Gordo nodded. “Yeah, she did. She was worried about you.”

“I know.” Ed sighed quietly. “I hate that.”

“I know what you mean,” Gordo said, recalling how worried Jimmy had been for him and Tracy in the days after their return.

“How’s that going?” Ed asked. “You said Jimmy was having a tough time.”

Gordo nodded. “He’s doing better. But I get it. I hate that he was worried at all.”

“Yeah,” Ed uttered. “It’s not their job to worry about us.”

“No,” Gordo said. “But that’s what happens when you care about someone.” He looked at Ed who sighed again. “Kelly loves you, man. She’s going to worry about you. That’s not something you can control.”

“No, I guess not.”

“It’s okay not to have your shit together all the time,” Gordo pointed out.

Ed nodded and then smirked. His smirk turned into a chuckle as he looked at Gordo. “Life advice from Gordo Stevens. Who would have thought it would come to this?” he teased.

Gordo chuckled. “If Tracy were out here, she’d say something like, ‘And all it took was nearly dying on the moon.’”

Ed smiled but then shook his head. “No.” He looked at Gordo for a long moment before he added, “You changed before that.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

Gordo stared out at the yard, watching the leaves gently blow in the cool, pleasant October breeze. He could feel Ed’s eyes on him, but Gordo didn’t look at his friend.

“So,” Ed began after a few moments. “How are you doing with everything?”

“Okay,” Gordo said.

“Yeah?”

“Mm.”

“Have you had any more panic attacks?”

Gordo shook his head. He hadn’t had a panic attack since the day he and Ed had taken up the T-38s. But he knew the nature of panic attacks, and he knew they could come at any moment.

“I made an appointment for tomorrow,” Gordo admitted. “With a psychiatrist.”

“That’s good,” Ed said. “Right?”

Gordo nodded. “Hopefully. I just—I want to get ahead of it.”

“What do you mean?”

Gordo took a deep breath and then exhaled heavily. “The last time I came back from the moon, I was so lost. I didn’t know what had happened up there or why I had lost my mind. I saw Dr. Marsten, but…” Gordo trailed off and sighed before continuing. “I didn’t open up to him very well. Everything just got to be a little too much back then.”

“Yeah,” Ed said gently.

“I don’t want to run from it this time. You know? I want—I want things to be different.”

“That’s good,” Ed said again. “Does anyone else know you’re going back to therapy?”

“Just Trace,” Gordo said. “I told her about what happened when you and I were flying the other day. She’s the one who suggested I talk to someone again.”

“Well, that’s great, buddy. I hope it helps.”

“Thanks,” Gordo said. He hoped so too.

“So, uh,” Ed began.

Gordo looked at him.

“What’s the deal with you and Tracy?”

Gordo smiled. “What do you mean?”

“Don’t play dumb,” Ed said with a smirk. “She’s over here in the evening. She’s having dinner here. She’s teaching you to cook. There’s something going on.”

Gordo inhaled sharply. “She and Sam sort of split up.”

“For real?” Ed asked, eyebrows lifted.

Gordo nodded. “So, Tracy’s been staying here.”

“Does that mean you two are back together?”

“No. She’s just staying here so she doesn’t have to go back to Sam’s or to a hotel.”

“Wow,” Ed uttered. “This house just got pretty crowded for you.”

“I like it,” Gordo admitted. “It’s just been Jimmy and me for most of the past year. Having a full house again reminds me of when the boys were little and Tracy and I were still together.” He smiled gently. “It’s nice having more activity around the house again.”

“Well, good.” Ed smiled. “Then, I won’t worry about rushing out of here.”

Gordo chuckled. “Good. There’s no need. You and Kelly can stay as long as you like.”

“Thanks, buddy.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Wait,” Ed said suddenly. “Isn’t this a three-bedroom house?”

Gordo nodded.

“And I’m on the couch.” Ed eyed him for a moment before asking, “So, where is Tracy sleeping?”

Gordo couldn’t help the grin that formed on his face.

“Oh,” Ed said with a knowing smirk. “Really?”

Gordo shrugged. “I offered to get an air mattress and sleep on the floor, but she said that was ridiculous.”

“Wow.” Ed smiled. Then, in a teasing tone, he added, “Well, if you need us to clear out so you can have your bed to yourself again—”

“Don’t you dare,” Gordo said quickly and with a chuckle.

Ed laughed.

Chapter Text

Ed lay awake on the couch. Kelly and Jimmy had disappeared into their respective bedrooms shortly after ten, and Gordo and Tracy had gone to bed about an hour later. Ed was tired. Exhausted, really. The past few days had been mentally draining. Hell, the past couple of weeks had been.

Mostly, Ed let things roll off his back where work was concerned. But his stresses of late hadn’t been work-related. Everything with Karen – the fighting and the uncertainty about their future – was weighing on him. Not to mention what had happened at Jamestown.

Ed was relieved that Gordo and Tracy were okay. He didn’t know what he would have done if his best friend had died on the moon because Ed had forced him to go. He felt guilty enough as it was. Gordo and Tracy had been through so much on the moon. Their bodies had been put through a lot of trauma, and he knew that they still weren’t back to normal.

According to Gordo, the flight surgeon had cleared them both for work and to fly again, but Ed knew Gordo was still healing. He could see the way Gordo moved more slowly, more methodically lately. Ed assumed it was from his weakened muscles. And he could hear the short, quiet groans Gordo would try to stifle when standing up, especially after being seated for a while.

Ed knew it was a process. He was relieved that both Gordo and Tracy were on the mend, and he knew it would take time for them to get back to their normal selves.

But Ed felt guilty. He was the one who had sent the two of them to the moon. Tracy had wanted to go, but Gordo hadn’t. Not at first, anyway. He had fought it – he had told Ed that he couldn’t go back – but Ed hadn’t listened. And he had nearly gotten his friend killed because of it.

Gordo claimed that it had been the right decision. That sending him back to Jamestown was exactly what he had needed. Ed knew it had given him a renewed sense of purpose, and he had saved everyone on the moon. Ed was proud of him for that. But not only did Ed feel guilty about Gordo nearly dying up there, he also felt guilty that Gordo had brought some of it home with him.

The panic attacks.

Ed sighed into the dark living room. He knew that Gordo’s Jamestown 91 mission hadn’t caused the panic attacks. Gordo had started having those years earlier, during their Apollo 22 mission in 1974. And he had had them before Jamestown 91 as well, after Ed had given him his assignment.

But his panic attack days earlier hadn’t been about Apollo 22. There had been no ants involved like with his previous panic attacks. No, Gordo had been triggered by reminders of being on the moon without a spacesuit. He had been triggered by reminders of Jamestown 91.

And that was Ed’s fault. Ed couldn’t help but blame himself no matter how many times Gordo told him not to.

And it wasn’t just Gordo and Tracy. It was Vance Paulson too. And it was Jonathan Gatos. Gordo and Tracy had nearly died on the moon, but Vance and Jon had actually died.

It was after midnight, and the room was dark except for the dim moonlight streaming in through the two skylights in the living room ceiling. Ed had been staring through them for a half hour, unable to sleep. He couldn’t see the moon from where he lay on his back, but he could see the whitish glow of the moon just outside the skylight that was directly above his head.

He wondered if he would ever return to the moon. He wondered if he would ever return to space. He wondered if Gordo would. Or Tracy.

With a heavy sigh, Ed kicked the sheet off his legs and sat up on the edge of the couch. He scrubbed his palms over his face and got to his feet. He padded barefoot into the kitchen, startled momentarily to see Tracy seated at the kitchen table.

“Hey,” he said.

Tracy had a mug between her hands on the tabletop and was looking out the window at the dim, moonlit back yard. She turned to look at him.

“Hey. Want some coffee? It’s decaf.”

“Sure.” He walked over to the counter where the coffee pot sat, just as Tracy was getting up from her seat.

She joined him, saying, “I got it.” She opened a cabinet and retrieved a coffee mug and filled it.

“Thanks,” he said when she handed it to him. They both went to the kitchen table to sit.

“Can’t sleep?” she asked.

He shook his head.

“Is the couch uncomfortable? Maybe we—”

“No, no,” Ed said. “The couch is fine. It’s just...me.”

“What do you mean?”

Ed exhaled heavily. “Just thinking.”

“Ah,” Tracy said, in a knowing tone. “Yeah. Me too. What are you thinking about?”

“You first.”

Tracy smirked. “Well, I assume Gordo told you about me and Sam.”

Ed nodded. “Yeah. I’m sorry about that.”

“Thanks. Me too.” She shrugged a shoulder and took a sip of her coffee. When she lowered her mug to the table again, she added, “It just wasn’t right, though. Me and Sam.”

“What about you and Gordo?” Ed asked bluntly. “Is that right?”

Tracy smiled. “I don’t know yet.”

“You’re sleeping in the same bed,” Ed pointed out.

“Yeah. Just sleeping.”

“Sorry if our being here made things awkward,” Ed said.

Tracy shook her head. “Not at all. It’s a comfortable bed, and Gordo doesn’t snore, so…” She chuckled softly. “It’s fine by me.”

“You know that he wants more than that, right?” Ed said.

“I do,” Tracy said with a nod. “But right now I have to think about myself first. My marriage just ended. We’re not even divorced. Hell, I don’t even have all of my stuff from his house yet. I’m not ready to think about jumping into anything else with anyone else. Not even Gordo.”

“So, you don’t even know if you want to be with him yet?”

Tracy shook her head. “And that’s why I was so hesitant to stay here. I don’t want him getting the wrong idea.”

“‘The wrong idea,’” Ed repeated.

“Maybe,” Tracy said. “I don’t know. It’s a ‘too soon’ idea, anyway. I can’t think about all that yet. I need to deal with everything else first.”

“Right,” Ed said. “I get that.”

“I just—I don’t want to hurt him.”

Ed nodded. He debated about whether or not to say what was on his mind.

Tracy must have noticed because she asked, “What is it?”

“Nothing,” Ed said. He didn’t want to come off as taking sides. Even though Gordo was his best friend, he liked Tracy and didn’t want to make things harder for her.

“Just say it,” Tracy urged.

“Fine,” Ed said quietly with sigh. “I was just thinking that if you decide not to get back together with Gordo…” He trailed off. Tracy watched him, lifting her eyebrows in question. He continued. “It’s going to shatter him all over again.”

Tracy watched him for a moment. Then, she took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Finally, she whispered, “I know.”

Ed nodded absently. He didn’t want to see his friend get heartbroken all over again, but he also understood that Gordo had broken Tracy’s heart multiple times during their marriage. It was understandable if Tracy didn’t want to get back together with him.

“I’ve tried to be careful,” Tracy said. “I’ve told him more than once that my staying here doesn’t mean anything more than that. He knows I need some time to process and figure things out.”

“Good,” Ed said.

“But I know he’s got his hopes up. I can see it all over his face.”

“Yeah,” Ed agreed. He could see it too.

“Right now, I just want to settle in. I want to spend some time with Jimmy and readjust to being back earthside.”

“Yeah, it takes some time.” Ed felt a pang of guilt in his stomach. “You guys went through so much.”

Tracy nodded. She took another drink from her mug. Then, she changed the subject. “So, what’s got you unable to sleep tonight?”

“Just...a lot on my mind.”

“Karen?” Tracy asked.

“Partly. Yeah.”

“How’s that going?” Tracy asked cautiously.

“Could be better,” Ed said. “Could be worse, too, I guess.” He took a drink of his coffee. “We’re going to try to work on things.”

“Yeah? Well, that’s great, Ed.”

He nodded. “She wants to go to couple’s counseling.” He made a face and groaned softly.

Tracy chuckled. “And you don’t want to?”

“No. I really don’t. I don’t want some therapist pointing out all of our problems and blowing things up even worse than they already are.”

“You know they want to help you, right?”

Ed scoffed. He thought about the shrinks that he and the others had been sent to when becoming astronauts. He hadn’t worried about it then. He knew he would have no problem passing their probing questions. But he knew that they had been looking for any sign of weakness – any sign that he and the others were not fit to become astronauts – so he hadn’t worried about that at all.

But then he thought about Gordo. He had been to a psychiatrist years earlier. It had seemed to help him at the time, but after the divorce, Gordo had spiraled a bit. Ed hadn’t realized just how much until a few months earlier when they had talked on the side of the road. Gordo had admitted to feeling stuck and like he had left a part of him up on the moon.

Ed thought about Gordo returning to therapy now. He hoped it would help him. He didn’t want his friend to be haunted by what had happened at Jamestown. He didn’t want it to affect Gordo, but Ed also, selfishly, wanted to stop feeling so guilty for being the one to send Gordo back up to the moon. Ed knew that he, himself, was the reason for Gordo’s current panic attacks. He didn’t want to be responsible for that, and he hoped that Gordo would get better.

“Yeah, I guess,” Ed said finally.

“You know, Gordo actually offered to go to counseling with me.”

“Yeah?”

Tracy nodded. “When we got back home, he told me again that he wanted me back. That he wants to be with me and for all of us to be a family again.” Tracy looked at Ed and smiled gently. “He said he would do whatever it takes and offered to go to couple’s counseling.”

Ed nodded. “I’m not surprised.”

Tracy looked at him curiously.

“He still really loves you, Tracy.”

“Yeah,” Tracy said gently. “I love him too.”

Ed looked out the kitchen window. He loved Karen. And he knew that she loved him as well. But he also knew that sometimes loving each other just wasn’t enough.

“What else is keeping you up?” Tracy asked.

“What?”

“You said that it’s partly Karen. What else is it?”

“Oh,” Ed uttered. “Just—What happened up there.”

“At Jamestown?”

Ed nodded.

“What about it?”

Ed shrugged. “I put you all up there.” He didn’t look at her, but he could tell that Tracy was watching him closely. “And you nearly died. You and Gordo.”

Tracy sighed softly. “But we didn’t.”

“No. But you almost did. And…” He trailed off, shaking his head before he continued. “And Vance actually did. And Jon.”

“Yeah,” Tracy whispered.

Ed looked at her then as she let her gaze fall somewhere out the window.

After a few silent moments, Tracy said, “You know they sent them back to earth before us?”

“Vance and Jon?”

Tracy nodded. “They were already buried in Arlington before Gordo and I ever left Jamestown.”

Ed nodded. He knew that. He had attended both funerals.

“Gordo trained with Jon for Jamestown 91, but I didn’t know him very well,” Tracy said. “I knew Vance, though.” She paused for a long moment before adding, “He was a good man.”

“He was,” Ed agreed. “They both were. And they didn’t deserve what happened.”

Tracy pulled her attention away from the window and studied Ed for a long moment. “You know that wasn’t your fault, right?”

Ed shrugged. It was. Of course, it was. “I put them up there. I put you all up there.” He paused. “I even pushed for sending guns to the moon to reclaim the mining site.”

“You couldn’t have known that any of that was going to happen,” Tracy said. “And Vance. Jon. Gordo. Me. We all chose this career, knowing the risks. We chose this career to take these kinds of missions. We all know how dangerous it is. You didn’t force this on any of us.”

“I forced it on Gordo,” Ed said. He looked at Tracy who shook her head.

“Maybe at first,” she said. “But you were doing what you thought was right. What you thought would help him. And it did. When he first showed up at Jamestown…” She chuckled quietly and smiled. “God, he looked so happy. I honestly hadn’t seen him that way in a long time.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Ed said with a soft sigh.

“We’ve talked about it some since then,” Tracy said. “He doesn’t blame you for any of it, Ed. And neither do I.” She paused for a long moment, just watching him. Finally, she added, “Maybe someday you can stop blaming yourself too.”

I hope so, Ed thought but didn’t say. He just nodded and took a sip of his coffee.

“In the meantime,” Tracy said, pushing her chair back and getting to her feet. “I’m going to try to get some sleep. You let us know if you and Kelly need anything, all right?”

“All right,” Ed said.

Tracy walked to the counter and set her mug in the sink.

As she headed for the door, Ed said, “Tracy.”

She stopped and turned to look at him. “Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

She smiled. “Any time.”

Chapter Text

Gordo awoke early Tuesday morning, before anyone else. The dawn sunlight was dim behind the curtains as he threw back the blankets and got out of bed. As he went to the kitchen, he noticed two empty mugs in the sink. He had washed the dishes before bed, so he knew someone – two someones – had to have gotten up in the night. He went to the coffee maker, seeing a little bit of coffee in the bottom of the pot. He dumped it out and brewed a fresh pot.

As he sat at the kitchen table, waiting for the coffee to finish percolating, he thought about going for a run. He had taken up jogging again while getting back in shape before his Jamestown 91 launch. But the ordeal on the moon had taken a toll on his body. He was thin and out of shape, and he wanted to change that. He wanted to build up his strength and endurance again. He knew it would take some time, but he was ready to start.

When the coffee finished brewing, he poured himself a mug. He drank it in the kitchen and then returned to the bedroom. He gathered his clothes from his dresser and changed in the bathroom so as not to wake Tracy who was still sound asleep in his bed.

As he headed back through the house, he heard rustling from the living room. He walked in to see Ed sitting up on the couch.

“Morning,” Gordo said.

“Morning,” Ed said in a grunt.

“How’d you sleep?” Gordo asked.

“Fine,” Ed said, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “Good.”

Gordo eyed him skeptically. “Really?”

Ed shrugged.

“Is it the couch?” Gordo asked, suddenly feeling a little guilty for making his friend sleep on it.

“No,” Ed said quickly. “No, the couch is fine. I just couldn’t turn off my brain last night.”

“Ah,” Gordo said, recalling the coffee mugs in the sink. “The late night coffee probably didn’t help.”

“Tracy said it was decaf.”

“Right,” he uttered, remembering her saying that she had brought decaf coffee with her from Sam’s. “So, you and Tracy were up last night?”

Ed nodded. “She said she couldn’t sleep either.”

“Oh. I didn’t even hear her get up.”

Ed smirked. “Well, you sleep like the dead.”

Gordo smiled. “True.”

“Why are you up so early?”

“Thought I’d get an early start. Maybe go for a jog.”

Ed looked him over in his gray t-shirt and navy blue sweatpants. “Have you—Did the flight surgeon clear you for that?”

“Yeah. He cleared me for exercise when he cleared me to fly.”

Ed nodded. “Okay.”

“I’m just waiting around to get Jimmy up for school in about twenty minutes.”

“Oh,” Ed uttered. “I can do that.”

“You sure? You don’t have to.”

“It’s fine. I have to get Kelly up anyway. I can wake Jimmy too.”

“Okay,” Gordo said. “But don’t be surprised if he tries to go back to sleep.”

“Don’t worry,” Ed said with a smirk. “I’ll make sure he gets up. Go enjoy your jog.”

“All right,” Gordo said. “Thanks.”

Gordo left the house a few minutes later. To wake his muscles and get his blood flowing, he started with a casual walk down his street, past his neighbors’ quiet houses. The sun was still below the tree line in the distance, and the sky was a vivid orange in the east.

Gordo picked up the pace, walking briskly for a couple of minutes. Then, he broke into a light jog. He hadn’t been jogging for a full minute before he began to feel it in his legs, but he didn’t stop. He continued his light jog for a few more minutes until his legs ached and his lungs burned.

He had been in good shape before his Jamestown 91 launch, but he knew that he had lost a lot of his muscle mass and endurance since then. He hadn’t realized just how much, though, until that morning.

He had barely jogged six blocks before he was huffing and puffing. He slowed to a walk again, sucking for air. When he caught his breath, he tried again, jogging a little farther. He did that a few times, until he had gone half a mile. But it had taken him seven minutes to go that far.

He had been able to run a full mile in seven minutes before his launch. Now, he could barely run half a mile in that same amount of time. He shook his head at the street before him. Feeling winded and frustrated, he turned and headed towards home, walking the whole way back.

When he arrived home, a half hour had passed from when he had left for his jog. He walked through the front door, hearing voices and smelling the aroma of bacon and eggs. He entered the living room and saw Ed, Kelly, and Tracy, but no Jimmy.

“Hey,” Gordo said.

“Where have you been, mister?” Tracy asked playfully.

“I went for a jog.”

“Oh. How was it?”

Gordo shrugged. “Where’s Jimmy?” he asked, changing the subject. He didn’t want to talk about his failed jog in front of everyone. “He didn’t go back to sleep, did he?”

“No,” Ed said. “He got right up. He’s in the bathroom.”

“He got right up?” Gordo asked, surprised. “Wow.” He smiled. “Maybe I should have you wake him up for school every day.”

Ed chuckled. “Not a problem.”

“I think he’s a little scared of you,” Kelly said.

Ed smirked. “Also not a problem.”

“Dad,” Kelly chastised.

Ed grinned.

“Whatever gets him out of bed without a struggle,” Gordo said with a chuckle.

Jimmy joined them a few minutes later. “Next,” he said.

“Oh, that’s me,” Kelly exclaimed and hurried off to the bathroom.

“You’re not scared of me, right, Jimmy?” Ed asked.

Jimmy looked at Ed. His lips parted as though to speak, but he didn’t. He looked at Gordo, eyes a little wider than normal. “Uh.” He returned his focus to Ed. “Not anymore,” he said. “Not really.”

“Wait,” Ed began. “So you were scared of me?”

“Maybe a little,” Jimmy admitted. “Sir.”

Ed smirked. “Really? How long have you known me?”

Jimmy gestured towards Gordo and Tracy. “They’re always saying things like, ‘You don’t want to get on Ed’s bad side.’”

“Well, that is true,” Tracy said with a smirk.

“We don’t say that to you, though,” Gordo said to Jimmy.

“Don’t worry, Jimmy,” Ed said. “You’ve never been on my bad side.”

Jimmy half-smiled.

“So, wait,” Gordo said. “You used to be scared of him, but you’re not anymore?”

“Right.”

“What changed?”

Jimmy looked at Ed and then back at Gordo. “He helped us out a lot while you two were…”

“While we were on the moon?” Tracy said.

“Well,” Jimmy began but hesitated. “Yeah. But…mostly after…”

“After we nearly died,” Tracy said gently. It wasn’t a question that time.

Jimmy nodded.

Gordo looked at Ed who offered a small, wry smile. Ed had said nothing about that. Neither had Jimmy or Danny. Gordo hadn’t given it much thought, to be honest, but he knew he should have assumed that Ed had helped them out during that time. Just like Gordo and Tracy would help Kelly if something were to ever happen to her parents.

“Yeah, well, Ed’s really just a big softy at heart,” Tracy joked.

“Yeah, yeah,” Ed muttered but smiled.

Gordo felt the corners of his mouth twitch, but he was still thinking about what he had just learned.

“All right,” Tracy said. “Well, go finish getting ready. The bus will be here soon.”

Jimmy nodded once and disappeared into the hallway. He, Ed, and Kelly finished getting ready and then grabbed a quick bite to eat. Then, Ed left for work while Jimmy and Kelly walked to the bus stop together.

When Gordo and Tracy were alone, she asked, “Want some breakfast? There’s a lot of bacon and eggs left.”

He nodded. “It smells great. I’m going to take a shower first, though.”

“Okay. I’ll keep it warm for you.”

Gordo thanked her and then grabbed some clean clothes and went to the bathroom. After his shower, he joined Tracy in the kitchen. She was seated at the table nibbling on a strip of bacon, with a glass of orange juice in front of her.

Gordo grabbed a plate and went to the stove, adding some eggs and a couple strips of bacon. He joined Tracy at the table where she had a carafe of orange juice and an empty glass off to one side. She filled the glass and slid it next to his plate.

“Thanks,” he said.

“You’re welcome. So, how was your jog?”

He had started to say that it was fine, but he stopped himself.

His hesitation must have been telling because Tracy asked, “What happened? Did you...have another panic attack?”

“No,” Gordo said. “Nothing like that.”

“Then, what?”

“It’s just—I don’t know. I guess I knew it had affected me. I just didn’t realize how much.”

“What do you mean?” Tracy asked. “Are you talking about what happened on the moon?”

Gordo nodded. “I could barely jog a couple of blocks today before everything started burning.” He told her how he had gotten winded and how it had taken him as long to go half a mile as it used to take him to jog a full mile.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, Gordo. It’s going to take some time to get back to where we were before.”

He looked at her, reminded that he wasn’t in it alone. Tracy was going through the exact same thing. “What about you?” he asked.

“Me? Oh, I haven’t even tried to exercise yet. So, you’re already ahead of me.” She chuckled softly.

Gordo smiled gently and then let it fade. “I don’t mean just exercise.”

“Yeah,” Tracy whispered. “I know.”

“You and Ed were up late last night,” Gordo pointed out.

“Couldn’t sleep,” she said.

“Why not?”

Tracy shrugged a shoulder, staring out the window. Gordo didn’t think she was going to answer, but then finally she said, “We talked a little bit last night about what happened.”

Gordo watched her silently, letting her speak.

“It’s all been a bit overwhelming since what happened up there. I guess I’ve just been a little preoccupied with that.”

Gordo nodded. He understood. He had been preoccupied too. “I had no idea that Ed helped the boys so much while we were away.” He paused. “While we were…”

“Incapacitated?”

“Sure. That’s a less morbid term.”

“Yeah, I kind of assumed he had. The boys hadn’t said much about it, though.”

“No,” Gordo said. “Everything else happened with Ed and Danny afterwards, and I didn’t really think about what might have happened before that.” He paused again. “But of course he was here to help them.”

“Yeah,” Tracy agreed. “I would expect nothing less, honestly.”

Gordo nodded, letting out a short hum in agreement as he stared absently out the kitchen window.

“When Ed and I were talking last night, he brought up Vance and Jon, and it all just sort of hit me.”

Gordo frowned, looking at her. “What did?”

Tracy tore her attention away from the window as well and looked at him. “That they’re gone,” she said quietly. “It doesn’t feel real, to be honest.”

“I know,” Gordo said gently.

He had met Vance Paulson at Jamestown, but he didn’t know him. Jon Gatos, on the other hand, Gordo had trained with for Jamestown 91. They hadn’t developed a deep friendship or anything, but they had worked together for months. They had even gone to The Outpost for the occasional post-training drink with the rest of the mission crew.

“We missed their funerals,” Tracy said, pulling Gordo from his thoughts.

“Yeah,” Gordo whispered. He had heard that their bodies had been sent back to earth while he was still in the med bay at Jamestown. They had been honored posthumously at a ceremony before both men had been interred at Arlington National Cemetery.

“It just feels like it never happened, in a way,” Tracy added. “Except…”

“Except what?” Gordo prodded.

“Except...I saw it happen.” She looked at him, eyes glistening with tears. “I saw him get shot. I watched Vance die.”

Gordo sighed softly. “I’m so sorry, Trace.”

Tracy nodded gently. “I am too.”

“We could, I don’t know, go visit maybe?” Gordo offered. “Their graves.”

“Yeah,” Tracy said quietly, lowering her gaze to stare absently past Gordo’s right arm.

“Or we could...do something else.”

“I think we should,” Tracy said. “Visit their graves.”

“Okay,” Gordo agreed. “When would you like to go?”

“The sooner the better, probably.”

Gordo nodded his agreement.

“I’ll see if we can get a flight for tomorrow, if that’s all right. Or this weekend, if Jimmy wants to come with us.”

“Sure.”

Tracy took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “If nothing else, it might at least help to make it feel real.”

“It’s a process.”

Tracy nodded, watching him. “Speaking of,” she began after a few moments. “Your appointment is today, right?”

Gordo hesitated, thrown momentarily by the change in subject. Then, recalling his therapy appointment, he said, “Yeah. This afternoon.”

“How do you feel about it?”

“You sound like a shrink.”

Tracy smirked. “Just trying to prepare you for the session.”

Gordo offered a small, wry smile. “I don’t know. I’m okay. A little nervous, I guess.”

“It’s going to be good for you,” Tracy assured him.

Gordo nodded. He hoped she was right.

Tracy gestured towards his plate. “Now, eat something before it gets cold.”

Looking down at his plate with the eggs and bacon he hadn’t yet touched, Gordo picked up his fork.

Chapter Text

“Gordo,” Dr. Ozarin said. “Come on in.”

Dr. Ozarin was a petite, blonde woman in her late fifties. She wore a green floral top and a pair of black pants. She looked at Gordo with a gentle smile and kind eyes as she stood just inside the doorway to her office.

Gordo stepped inside. The room was cozy, with warm lighting and an area rug on the floor. There was a desk against one wall and two plush, brown, faux leather arm chairs facing each other in the middle of the room, with an oval, glass-top coffee table between them. It reminded Gordo of Dr. Marsten’s office.

“Have a seat,” the doctor said pleasantly. “How is your day going?”

Gordo walked over to one of the chairs and sat down. Dr. Ozarin sat across from him.

“Okay,” Gordo said. “It’s—It’s good.” He paused. “How are you?”

Dr. Ozarin smiled. “I’m good. Thank you for asking.” She studied him closely.

Gordo took a deep breath and let his eyes wander, taking in the rest of the room. There were two bookcases behind the mahogany desk. One was filled with books on psychology and the other with classic literature.

“That’s a lot of books,” Gordo muttered absently, for lack of anything else to say. His stomach was in knots, just as it had been the first time he had gone to see Dr. Marsten.

“Do you enjoy reading?”

Gordo nodded. “Mostly classic lit, which it looks like you have a lot of.”

“What are you reading now?”

“A Journey to the Center of the Earth,” Gordo said. “I was. I mean, at Jamestown, I started it. Haven’t, uh—Haven’t finished it yet, though.” Gordo cleared his throat and looked towards one of the two windows in the room. He could just see slivers of green through the blind slats.

“What are some of your favorites?” Dr. Ozarin asked.

“Hm?” Gordo uttered, pulling his attention away from the blinds.

“What are some of your favorite classics?”

“Oh. Um. Plutarch,” Gordo said. “Any of his tales, really.”

“What do you like about them?”

“The adventures. The heroics. I read Plutarch when I was a kid and sort of fell in love with the idea of brave men being remembered heroically long after their passing.”

Dr. Ozarin watched him for a few moments. “Were you adventurous as a kid?”

“Yeah. I was. Never really grew out of that, I guess.” He smiled gently. “I just got a little less reckless maybe.”

“You mentioned Jamestown,” Dr. Ozarin said.

“Right,” Gordo uttered. He didn’t know how much she knew about space travel, or him, for that matter. He didn’t know if Dr. Ozarin knew who he was or not.

“How did you feel going back to the moon after, what was it, nine years?”

Gordo smiled gently, lowering his gaze. Well, that answers that, he thought. “You know who I am.”

“I do,” she said. “But only what’s been in the news. I’d like to hear more about you, from you.”

Gordo inhaled deeply, looking at the obscured window again. “Do you mind if I open the blinds?”

“Of course not.”

Gordo got to his feet and walked to the window closest to him. He twisted the wand to open the blinds and then did the same with the second window. He stood at the window, looking out at the trees. The leaves swayed in the gentle breeze.

“Gordo,” Dr. Ozarin said.

“Hm?”

“Let’s talk about your mission to Jamestown.”

Gordo took another deep breath, letting it out slowly.

“How did you feel returning to the moon?”

“Nervous at first,” Gordo said. It was a massive understatement, but he wasn’t ready to get into his fear and panic attacks just yet.

“At first?” Dr. Ozarin prodded. “Did that change?”

Gordo nodded. “Yeah. Not for a while. But I felt calmer on launch day, and then I was fine once I returned to Jamestown.”

“What was it like this time around?”

“Bigger,” Gordo said simply.

Dr. Ozarin said nothing. Gordo assumed she was waiting for him to continue. He thought about Jamestown. He thought about his arrival, about his confession to Tracy, about the Russians breaching the base, about fixing the coolant system, about—

“Gordo,” Dr. Ozarin said, interrupting his thoughts.

“Yeah?” he asked absently, watching the twitching tail of a squirrel in a tree.

“Come have a seat.”

Gordo tore his gaze away from the squirrel to look over his shoulder. Dr. Ozarin watched him closely. She wasn’t smiling, but her expression was soft and pleasant. He walked back to the plush arm chair and sat down.

“You seem uncomfortable,” Dr. Ozarin said.

“Mm,” Gordo hummed. He rubbed his thumb and forefinger together absently as he stared down at the coffee table between them. There were more classic literature books stacked neatly, as well as a set of three white, unlit candles in three different sizes, nestled in a square-shaped bowl full of river rocks.

“It’s just you and me here,” she said. “And everything you say in our sessions stays between the two of us.”

“Yeah.” Gordo sniffed and nodded. “I know. I’ve—I’ve been here before.”

“Do you mean therapy?” she asked. “You’ve been to therapy before?”

Gordo nodded again.

“Then, you know that, for this to work, you—”

“Need to be completely honest with you,” he finished. “Yeah.”

“Do you find that difficult?”

“Honesty?” Gordo asked.

Dr. Ozarin smiled gently. “I meant opening up to a therapist. But we can start with yours.”

Gordo inhaled deeply, holding it for a moment before exhaling audibly. “I don’t know. Sometimes. I used to, anyway.”

“You used to find it difficult to be honest?”

“Sometimes,” Gordo repeated. “With, uh—With my wife.” He cleared his throat. “Ex-wife,” he corrected.

“Why do you think that is?”

“Because I wasn’t a good husband. I did some things…” He trailed off and shrugged. “I cheated on her,” he admitted. “More than once.” He looked out the window. “I guess I just—I put us in a bad place,” he continued. “In our marriage. She didn’t trust me, and she was angry with me a lot.” He paused before adding, “Understandably. But I felt like I couldn’t really talk to her after that. After Jamestown…”

“‘After Jamestown,’” Dr. Ozarin prodded. “You mean, this time? Or your first mission?”

“My first mission,” Gordo clarified. “Back in seventy-four. That’s when I started seeing a psychiatrist the first time. Right after I got back home from that mission.”

“And you didn’t feel like you could talk to your wife at the time?”

“Right. We were in a bad place. Tracy—She didn’t even believe me when I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. She thought I had come home late because I was cheating on her. And then, I don’t know… Things happened, and we never really talked about my therapy at all.”

“What things happened?”

“I, uh—My best friend. Ed.” Gordo paused. “His son died. I don’t know. Things just changed. Tracy and I—We tried to make things work. Everything going on with Ed and his family was just so heartbreaking, you know? We felt like what we were going through sort of paled in comparison. But after a while, it felt more like we were faking it than anything. We wanted to come together. We wanted to make it work. Or I thought we did. But it felt like we were forcing ourselves to stay together without really trying to fix anything. Like we were trying to convince ourselves that everything that had come between us – my cheating, my lying, my not being there for her – wasn’t as bad as it really was.”

“How long after your return from the moon did you get divorced?”

“About four years.”

“How is your relationship with Tracy now?”

“Better,” Gordo said. “Good, actually. She’s, uh, she’s living with me right now.”

“Really? How is that going?”

“It’s been pretty good,” Gordo said with a gentle smile. “We’re in a much better place now. While we were at Jamestown together, we talked about things. About everything, really. What happened between us back then was my fault. I guess I’ve always known that, but we finally had a real discussion about it all, without it dissolving into an argument.”

Dr. Ozarin nodded, and then she asked, “How is life back earthside?”

“Uh,” Gordo uttered. “It’s good.”

Dr. Ozarin studied him closely. After several long moments, she said, “Your relationship with Tracy is ‘good.’ Living with her is ‘good.’ Being back on earth is ‘good.’”

Gordo cleared his throat, shifting in his seat a little. “Yeah.”

“Do you mind telling me what’s not good?”

“What do you mean?”

“People don’t come to me because everything in their lives is good.” She paused, watching him.

He lowered his gaze to the candle-and-rock centerpiece on her coffee table.

“What brought you here today, Gordo?”

Gordo refocused his attention to the trees outside the window again. The leaves were still gently blowing in the breeze, but the squirrel had vanished. “Just, uh… Thought it might be good to talk.”

“Mm-hmm,” Dr. Ozarin uttered. “What would you like to talk about?”

“I don’t know,” Gordo said automatically.

“You know that I’m here for you, right? That I want to help you?”

Still looking out the window, Gordo nodded.

“And none of what you tell me will ever get back to NASA, or anyone else.”

“I know,” Gordo said quietly. He stared out the window as he gathered his thoughts. He wasn’t sure where to begin – nearly dying on the moon, nearly leaving his kids without parents, his panic attacks, his weakened physical state…

“Are you back to work yet?” Dr. Ozarin prompted with a question he hadn’t considered.

“No, not yet,” Gordo answered. “Tracy and I both go back next Monday.”

“How do you feel about that?”

“Okay,” Gordo said. “A little nervous.”

“Why are you nervous?”

“I’ve been away from it for a bit. And now – since returning from Jamestown after what happened – I don’t know.”

“Think about it,” Dr. Ozarin encouraged. “Why are you nervous?”

Gordo did as she said. He thought about it. He thought about being CAPCOM for another mission. He thought about interacting with astronauts at Jamestown. He thought about what happened at Jamestown…

“It’s been good getting away from it for a while,” he said. “After what happened.”

“And going back makes you nervous because…?”

Gordo took a deep breath, realizing that she wasn’t going to let him skirt the question. He looked away from the window and back at the doctor. “Because it makes me think about what happened at Jamestown.”

Dr. Ozarin nodded. “Let’s talk about what happened at Jamestown.”

Gordo sighed heavily. “It just—You know what happened. Everyone knows what happened.”

“I’d like to hear it from you.”

“We had to fix the coolant system,” Gordo said plainly. “Or everyone was going to die.”

“You risked your life to fix it,” Dr. Ozarin pointed out. “Right?”

“Yeah, I guess. I mean—I don’t know. Not really. If we hadn’t fixed it, we would’ve died too.” Gordo shrugged. He didn’t want to discuss it in detail. He didn’t want to discuss it at all. “We did what we had to do to survive.”

“That’s a simple way of putting it,” the doctor said.

“It’s what happened.”

“You’re uncomfortable talking about this.”

“Yeah.”

“Okay,” she said. “That’s okay. How are you doing physically since your return?”

“Fine.” He could feel his walls going up.

“Gordo.”

He sighed. “I’m okay now.” He forced himself to keep going. “I got my stitches out. Got a clean bill of health. Started jogging again.”

“How did that go?”

Gordo hesitated before saying, “Not great.”

Dr. Ozarin nodded. Gordo thought he saw a hint of a smile. He assumed that she was pleased he hadn’t said it was “good” again.

“Tell me about it,” she said.

“I just—I don’t know. I’ve lost a lot of weight and muscle and stamina these past few weeks.”

“That’s to be expected,” Dr. Ozarin said. “After what you went through.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“How are you mentally handling what happened up there?”

Gordo hesitated. He wanted to say that he was fine. But he wasn’t. That was the whole reason he was sitting there in Dr. Ozarin’s office in the first place.

“I don’t know,” he answered softly.

“I think you do,” Dr. Ozarin urged gently.

“I, uh—had a moment,” Gordo began, thinking about his panic attack in the T-38 while dogfighting with Ed.

“What kind of moment?”

“It was…” Gordo trailed off, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. He wanted to stand up. He felt like pacing the room. But he remained in the chair.

Dr. Ozarin waited patiently for him to continue.

Finally, he said, “It was a panic attack.”

The doctor nodded slowly. “How often do you have panic attacks?”

“Not often,” he said. “I’ve only had one since returning from Jamestown this time.”

“‘This time,’” Dr. Ozarin repeated. “How many had you had before that?”

“A few. I had one at Jamestown the last time. Sort of lost it up there. And I was mostly okay after that until…”

“Until when?”

“Until I got my Jamestown 91 assignment. This last mission. I hadn’t been to space in almost ten years. I had never planned to go back, and then Ed—He gave me the assignment. I just—I didn’t think I could do it. I don’t know. I was just scared.”

“You had another panic attack when you got your assignment?”

Gordo nodded. “And then one day at The Outpost. The—the bar. I thought I saw—I just, I freaked out.”

“But then you were okay for your mission?”

“Yeah. I got through it. And my launch was good. And then back up there at Jamestown, I just felt sort of like a new person. Or maybe like my old self. I don’t know. I just—I felt okay. I felt good, honestly.”

“Then, once you returned to earth, you had another panic attack?”

Gordo nodded again.

“What were you doing when you had the panic attack?” she asked.

Gordo hesitated. He had been flying a T-38 at the time, but he wasn’t sure he wanted Dr. Ozarin to know that. If it got back to NASA that he had had a panic attack while flying one of their jets, he’d never be allowed to fly again.

“Gordo?” Dr. Ozarin prompted.

Gordo cleared his throat. “Just, uh...hanging out with Ed.” It wasn’t the entire truth, but it wasn’t a lie either.

Dr. Ozarin watched him for a long moment. He wondered if she knew that he wasn’t telling her the whole truth.

Gordo averted his gaze, looking out the window again.

“Did something happen to bring on the panic attack?” Dr. Ozarin asked.

Gordo hesitated again. Putting on his oxygen mask had been the start of it. The start of the nerves he had felt. Then, Ed’s remark about having fifteen minutes of fuel left had sparked the actual panic attack. But he didn’t know how much to tell the doctor. He didn’t want to be grounded. He wasn’t sure he would ever return to space – he hadn’t thought that far ahead, to be honest – but he wanted to be able to fly. He had to be able to fly.

“I just, uh—I was thinking about what happened on the moon,” he said with as much honesty as he felt comfortable with.

Dr. Ozarin nodded slowly. “What were you thinking about exactly?”

“Trace and me. With our oxygen masks on. Running across the surface of the moon.” He paused, letting out a quiet sigh. “There was a ceremony.”

“A ceremony?”

“After we got back. For Tracy and me.”

“Oh, right. Yes.” Dr. Ozarin smiled softly. “I heard about that. The Medal of Honor, right?”

“Yeah,” Gordo uttered. He was quiet for a few moments and then shook his head. “I thought that would be the end of it.”

“The end of what?”

“I thought that ceremony would feel sort of like closure, you know? Like the end of what happened up there.”

“Did it not?”

Gordo shook his head. “My panic attack came after that.”

“You haven’t dealt with what happened,” Dr. Ozarin said. It wasn’t a question.

“I guess not.”

“You nearly died up there, Gordo,” she pointed out. “That is a lot to process. And rarely are those feelings ever like our books that we can just close and be done with.”

“Yeah,” Gordo whispered. He inhaled deeply, staring past Dr. Ozarin at nothing in particular. “Tracy and I were talking this morning. About what happened, sort of. About Vance and Jon.”

“The other astronauts who were up there?”

“Yeah,” Gordo said. “The two who died.”

“Did you know them well?”

“I didn’t know Vance very well. Trace did, though. But Jon—I trained with Jon.”

“How are you handling that?”

Gordo shrugged. “I don’t know. Honestly, this is probably a bit selfish, but I had mostly been thinking about myself lately. My recovery and Tracy’s. And spending time with our boys and making sure they’re all right. It wasn’t until recently that I started to wrap my head around the fact that Vance and Jon actually died up there.”

“We all grieve in our own ways, in our own time. What you went through was traumatic, both physically and mentally. There is a lot to process about what happened up there.”

“Yeah,” Gordo said quietly. After a few moments, he continued. “Me and Tracy are planning to go to Arlington. We thought it might help. You know, they were buried before we ever left Jamestown. We didn’t get to attend the funerals.”

“Being able to say goodbye in your own way is important,” Dr. Ozarin said. “Just remember that it’s not like closing a book. It’s okay – normal, even – to have ups and downs and to continue to have feelings about what happened.” She paused before adding, “That goes for your grief about Jon and Vance but also for you, personally. It may take a while to fully process what happened to you at Jamestown.”

Chapter Text

It was nearly four in the afternoon when Tracy stepped into the doorway of her younger son’s bedroom. The door was open, and Jimmy was seated at his desk, playing Atari on his computer. Tracy watched the game for a few moments, wondering what the fascination with video games was. Jimmy seemed to love them – even Gordo could get into them sometimes – but Tracy didn’t understand the draw.

“Hey,” Tracy said after a few moments. “How you doing?”

“Good,” Jimmy said, not tearing his focus away from the computer screen. “About to set the reactor to explode.”

“What are you playing?” Tracy asked.

“Caverns of Mars.”

Tracy watched the computer. There was a blue image moving down a black screen, with misshapen red borders along each side. She assumed the blue image was a spaceship and the red borders were meant to represent the rock walls of a cavern.

“Ah,” Tracy uttered watching Jimmy’s progress in the game.

“You have to set the reactor to detonate,” Jimmy explained as he reached the bottom of the cavern. “And then haul ass up out of the cavern before it explodes.”

“Jimmy,” Tracy chastised for his language.

“Sorry.”

She smirked and shook her head. Jimmy finished setting the reactor to blow and then flew up out of the cavern.

Tracy didn’t know what the point of the game was or why the goal was to blow a reactor on Mars. But it made her think of the nuclear reactor on the moon. The point of that reactor was definitely not to explode. But it very nearly had.

It was difficult to wrap her mind around what had happened at Jamestown. It was even more difficult to believe that people had died up there. That Vance had died up there. She hadn’t known him before Jamestown, but they had developed a good working relationship – and friendship, really – while they were there. She hated that she hadn’t been able to attend his funeral, but she was glad that Gordo had suggested visiting Arlington.

Everything that had occurred after the Russians had breached Jamestown had happened so quickly. Tracy kept thinking about that night – about Gordo singing to her and dancing with her and pouring wine for her that had been smuggled in a mouthwash bottle. Gordo’s flirtation and their familiar banter had felt good and comfortable at the time. She had had no idea just how much things were going to change within a few short hours.

Suddenly, the Russians had infiltrated the base, the reactor was melting down, and Gordo and Tracy were risking their lives to fix it.

And then everything after that had happened so slowly. Tracy and Gordo were lying side-by-side in the med bay, unsure whether or not they were going to live and in too much pain to do anything other than hold each other’s hands. Tracy woke up a couple of days later, in pain but feeling much better. Dr. Kouri had told Tracy that she was going to be okay, but at that time, the doc hadn’t been able to say the same about Gordo.

Tracy’s first thought had been, Damn it, Gordo, for a few reasons. She didn’t want to have to tell their kids that their daddy had died. She didn’t think she could handle that. But she was also cursing him for making her feel something for him again. She would always love Gordo, but the feelings she had re-developed at Jamestown were more than that. Gordo had shown up to Jamestown happier than she had seen him in years, and he had not only confessed his feelings to her but had also taken responsibility for everything that had gone wrong between them in their marriage. She had felt something stirring within her at that, but she hadn’t had enough time at Jamestown to figure out what it meant.

After Gordo had started to get better, and after their return to earth, things had been sort of a blur. She and Gordo were so focused on healing and making sure the kids were okay. And then everything that had happened with Sam had sort of jumped front and center for Tracy. She and Gordo were physically okay. They were on the mend, feeling better, and they had both been cleared to fly again.

They had yet to return to work, and Tracy wasn’t sure how she felt about going back, let alone how Gordo felt about it. The losses of both Vance and Jon were starting to weigh on them. Tracy could feel a lot of that herself, but she knew that Gordo was struggling with everything even more than her.

She was concerned about him – concerned about the panic attack he had had – but she was glad that he was going back to therapy. She hoped it would help him process what had happened so that he could move forward.

“Did you need something?”

Tracy looked at Jimmy as she was pulled from her thoughts. “Oh. I just wanted to talk to you about something. But I’ll wait until you’re at a stopping point.”

“It’s fine. I’m done. I got out of the cavern in time.”

“Oh, okay,” Tracy said. “Good job.”

“So, what did you want to talk to me about?”

"Well,” she began, walking over to his bed and sitting down on the edge of it.

Jimmy turned sideways in his chair to look at her. He rested his arm on top of the chair back. “Is everything okay?” he asked. “Is Dad okay?”

“Yeah, he’s fine,” Tracy said with a small smile that she hoped was reassuring. “Everything’s fine.”

“Okay,” Jimmy said, uncertainty in his voice.

“You know that a couple of people died at Jamestown,” Tracy began.

“Yeah.”

“Well, we knew them. Vance—He was one of the Marines sent up there to help with the Russian threat. Anyway, he and I knew each other.”

“Oh,” Jimmy uttered, furrowing his brow. “I didn’t know that. I’m sorry, Mom.”

“Thanks, baby.” Tracy smiled wryly. “And Jon was the other man who died.” She paused. “He trained for Jamestown 91 with your dad.”

“Oh,” Jimmy repeated.

“We just—We were still recovering at Jamestown when their bodies were sent back to earth. They had funeral services and everything, but your daddy and I…”

“You missed them,” Jimmy finished.

Tracy nodded. “Yeah. We did.”

“I’m sorry,” Jimmy said again.

“Thanks. Yeah. So, that’s kind of been bothering us a bit.”

Jimmy nodded but said nothing.

“We’re planning to go to Arlington soon. We think that might help.”

“Arlington Cemetery? In Virginia?”

Tracy nodded. “We can go this weekend if you’d like to come with us. Otherwise, we’re thinking about flying out tomorrow morning.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Tracy watched her son, waiting for him to think it over.

“Um,” he uttered finally. “I don’t know.”

“What are you thinking?”

“I don’t know. I mean, I don’t have to go.”

“Are you okay with me and your dad going?”

Jimmy hesitated. “How long would you be gone?”

“Probably just overnight. We’d come back the next day.”

“Okay.” He paused for a few moments before saying, “That’s fine.”

“You sure?”

He nodded.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay here?,” Tracy asked.

“Yeah,” Jimmy said. “I mean, Ed and Kelly will be here too, so I won’t be alone.”

“I know. I just want to make sure you’re okay with us going.”

“I think so,” Jimmy said.

“Well, if you’re not,” Tracy began, “you let me know, all right? Your daddy and I can go to Arlington another time.”

“No, it’s fine,” Jimmy said quickly. “You want to go.”

“We think it might help bring a little bit of closure,” Tracy said. “We’re hoping so, anyway.”

Jimmy nodded. “Then, you should go.”

“All right,” Tracy said, smiling gently at her son. “Are you sure you don’t want to come with us? We might visit Danny while we’re out there.”

“No, it’s okay. I’ll be fine here.”

“All right,” Tracy said. “But if you change your mind…”

“I know where to find you.”

Tracy smiled. “Okay.”

“So, you and Tracy are headed out in the morning?” Ed asked.

Gordo and Ed were seated around the fire pit in the back yard. Flames lapped eight inches above the firewood.

“Yeah. She’s wanting to visit Arlington.” Gordo paused before adding, “We both are.”

Ed nodded slowly.

Gordo could feel his friend’s eyes on him. “We didn’t get to go to the funerals.”

“I know,” Ed said gently.

“Did you go?” Gordo asked.

“Mm-hmm.”

“Did it help?”

Ed was quiet for a few long moments while Gordo stared into the dancing flames.

“I don’t know,” Ed said finally. “I put them up there.” He paused before adding, “I put all of you up there, and two of you died.”

“Wasn’t Vance sent up with the Marines?”

“Yeah,” Ed said, his voice low and rumbling. “But I pushed for guns on the moon. I thought it was the only way to take back the mining site and hold it against the Russians.”

Gordo looked at him. Ed looked miserable as he stared into the fire.

“You couldn’t have known,” Gordo told him.

“I should have,” Ed said. “Guns on the moon.” He scoffed. “What were we thinking?”

“The Russians had guns too.”

“Yeah, but we used them first. The Russians didn’t even have them at the mining site.”

Gordo sighed quietly. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“It damn well feels like it.”

“Only to you,” Gordo reminded him. “No one else blames you for what happened.”

“If you or Tracy had died too—”

“But we didn’t,” Gordo interrupted. “We’re fine. And we knew the risks, Ed. You have to stop doing this.”

Ed exhaled sharply, still staring into the fire. Finally, he said, “I hope your visit gives you two some kind of closure.”

Gordo nodded, returning his attention to the crackling fire in front of him. “Thanks.” He hoped so too. “Jimmy’s staying here,” Gordo told him. “Tracy talked to him, and he doesn’t want to go with us.”

“Okay.”

“Will you keep an eye on him while we’re gone?”

“Of course.”

“Thanks.”

Ed nodded.

“And thanks for looking after the boys while we were at Jamestown.”

Ed looked at him then. “You don’t have to thank me for that.”

“Yeah, well, I appreciate it all the same.”

Chapter Text

Tracy stood beside Gordo at Vance Paulson’s gravesite in Arlington National Cemetery. They had rented a car at Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport and driven seven minutes to the cemetery. The cemetery was awe-inspiring. She knew that both she and Gordo had a place there after their deaths – hopefully in the very distant future – as did their children, until Jimmy became an independent adult. She had never seen anything quite like Arlington before, and knowing that all of the gravestones marked the burial sites of so many men and women fallen in battle was sobering.

“You okay?” Gordo asked softly beside her.

“Yeah,” Tracy whispered.

She looked down at Vance’s grave marker, reading over his name, dates of birth and death, and rank in the United States Marine Corps. The other etchings on his stone denoted that he had received both the Medal of Honor and the Defense Distinguished Service Medal, just like Gordo had. A chill went up Tracy’s spine.

“This could have been us,” she said, her voice catching in her throat.

Gordo said nothing, but Tracy could see out of the corner of her eye that he was nodding his acknowledgment. She wondered if he was feeling as choked up as she was.

“He was a good man,” Tracy continued.

“He had all good things to say about you,” Gordo added.

Tracy smiled. She recalled when she had introduced Vance to Gordo. Gordo had just arrived at Jamestown, and Tracy and Vance had just returned from the mining site.

“That was a wild ride,” Tracy said. “Flying the LSAM with Vance and the others outside on the skids.”

“Sounds like it.”

Tracy couldn’t believe they had gone from that exhilarating ride to Vance being shot down in Jamestown in such a short time.

“I tried to get him to turn around.”

“What?” Gordo asked. “When?”

“When the Russians were in the base. When you and I were in the galley.”

“Right,” Gordo said quietly.

“He was right outside the door, and I could see that Russian bastard down the hall. I tried to get Vance to turn around, but he couldn’t hear me.”

Gordo sighed quietly next to her, and then he put his arm around her shoulders. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“He was gone,” Tracy said, snapping her fingers. “Just like that.”

Gordo squeezed her against his side. Neither said anything for a long time. Then, Tracy began to hum.

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Gordo look at her.

She kept going, humming the tune they had all sung on the flight out to the mining site. Ride of the Valkyries. It was a slower version, which sounded sad to her ears, but she couldn’t bring herself to speed it up. It didn’t have the same gung-ho pacing as when they had all sung it on the LSAM, but that seemed fitting to Tracy.

After a few bars, Tracy stopped humming. Her eyes stung with tears. Her throat constricted as she spoke. “That could have been us,” she repeated her thought from moments earlier.

“I know,” Gordo whispered, giving her another squeeze.

“Instead of us visiting Vance and Jon, it could have been Danny and Jimmy visiting us.”

Gordo inhaled sharply, letting it out slowly, audibly. Tracy glanced at him for the first time since arriving at Vance’s grave. His eyes glistened with tears as he looked down at the grave marker. Then, he met her gaze.

“But it’s not,” he whispered

“No,” she agreed. “It’s not.” She returned her focus to Vance’s gravestone. Then, softly, she said, “Goodbye, Vance.” She chuckled quietly, adding, “Thanks for keeping me young.”

Gordo gave her another squeeze and kissed her temple. She turned in his arm, wrapping both of hers around his waist. He held her with both arms, kissing the top of her head.

Tracy closed her eyes, letting Gordo’s embrace comfort her. She missed his arms around her. And she knew that she could get used to it again. She almost had. They had been nearly inseparable since their return from Jamestown, and spending so much time with him made Tracy feel more comfortable than she had in years.

She took a few deep breaths, letting them relax her muscles. When she and Gordo parted, Tracy sniffled. Gordo reached up and gently brushed his thumb over her cheek, wiping away a tear that had escaped her eye.

She looked up at him. He searched her eyes, his own still glistening with tears. She felt a tug in her chest, a pull towards Gordo that she hadn’t felt in more than ten years. But it was familiar and comfortable, and suddenly it seemed like just yesterday that she had felt that same pull.

“You okay?” he whispered.

She nodded, swallowing around the lump in her throat. “Let’s go visit Jon.”

Chapter Text

Gordo sat beside Tracy on a stool at the bar of a restaurant a couple of blocks from their hotel in Arlington, Virginia. They had just eaten dinner and were having a couple of drinks.

After visiting Vance Paulson’s grave, the two of them had gone to Jon Gatos’s grave next. Tracy hadn’t really known him at all. They had met once or twice on the base, but Jon was in the control room, and Tracy was flying the LSAM. Their paths didn’t cross too often at Jamestown.

Gordo, however, had trained with Jon. They hadn’t spent much time together outside of work, besides getting a few post-work drinks and having some laughs. And they had usually done that with the rest of the mission crew along as well. But Jon was a good guy, and Gordo couldn’t help but think about how that could have been Tracy and him instead. They could have been the two buried in Arlington National Cemetery instead of, or along with, Vance and Jon.

“We were lucky,” Gordo said softly beside Tracy. He picked up his glass of whiskey and took a gulp.

“That’s one word for it, I guess,” Tracy said.

Gordo nodded. “I don’t really get it, though.”

“What?”

“Why we were spared,” he clarified. “Why we didn’t die up there.” He sniffed and looked at Tracy. “We were out on the surface of the moon without spacesuits.” He paused, searching Tracy’s face. “How did we survive that?”

She shook her head slowly. “No idea.”

“Jon was in the control room. He should’ve been safe there. And Vance had a spacesuit and a gun.”

“I know,” Tracy said quietly. “There’s just no rhyme or reason for the way things happen sometimes.”

Gordo took a deep breath. As he exhaled heavily, he let out a wry chuckle, shaking his head. He lifted his whiskey and took another drink.

“I used to go visit Deke’s memorial on the moon,” Tracy said.

Gordo looked at her. He realized, in the short time that he had been at Jamestown the last time, that he hadn’t seen the memorial. He wondered if he ever would.

“I’d go there when I was feeling overwhelmed or lonely or isolated,” Tracy continued. “It helped.”

Gordo watched her closely. “Good.”

“Yeah. I’d complain about whatever was bothering me, and then I’d imagine what he would say.”

Gordo offered a small smile. “What would he say?”

“He’d tell me to get over it,” Tracy said with a soft chuckle. “Or remind me that being up there on the moon – being an astronaut – was everything I had worked for. Everything I had wanted.”

Gordo nodded. “It’s not always as glamorous as it seems.”

“No. But thinking about what Deke would say usually helped stop my pity party and made me realize that I could keep going.”

Gordo smiled. “That’s good.”

“Yeah.” She took a drink of her whiskey before continuing. “You know he tried to get me to quit? Deke. When I was an astronaut candidate.”

“Really?” Gordo hadn’t heard about that. But he was reminded of when Tracy had considered quitting herself. Gordo had tried to convince her to see it through, and it had turned into a big blowout between them.

“By then, I had realized just how much I wanted it. I told him, basically, that I wasn’t going to quit, and that if he wanted me to leave, he’d have to cut me.”

Gordo chuckled quietly. “Good for you. You have never been one to let anyone tell you what to do.”

“No.” She laughed softly. “Definitely not.”

“And look at you now,” Gordo said, eyeing Tracy with pride. “Saving the moon. The Medal of Honor.” He paused before adding, “It’s a shame he’s not still here to see it all.”

“Yeah,” Tracy agreed. “A lot of good people have died in the name of the future of space travel.”

“I remember when everything was so carefree,” Gordo said. “Maybe that was just me back then. I don’t know. People had died before that.”

“No one we really knew, though,” Tracy pointed out. “Not that that makes it any less tragic. We just didn’t have to deal with the grief so much personally.”

“Yeah,” Gordo said. “That’s probably a big part of it.”

Tracy eyed him curiously.

Gordo continued, explaining, “I felt like I was on top of the world back then. Like I could have anything I wanted. Do anything I wanted. It was all just there for the taking. Space travel. Getting missions.” Gordo smiled, recalling his time on Apollo 10. “Seeing the moon that close for the first time.” He exhaled heavily, chuckling a little. “It was exhilarating. And then my first mission to Jamestown. We know how that turned out, but beforehand—God, I was so excited.”

“I remember,” Tracy said gently.

“I couldn’t believe that I was not only getting to land on the moon for my first time, but that I was going to be living up there temporarily. That I was going to get to be one of the first people to ever live on the moon.” He paused, recalling that feeling. He remembered how excited he had been at his launch and when he, Ed, and Dani had stepped foot on the surface of the moon together. He smiled. “That was one of the best feelings I’d ever had.”

“And then reality sunk in,” Tracy said.

“Mm,” Gordo hummed. “Yeah. A hundred and forty-five days on the moon. That was unexpected.” He paused. “It all just fell apart, week after week. Every time they told us it was going to be ‘another two weeks,’ I could feel it chipping away at my enthusiasm and my sanity.” He looked at Tracy, offering a wry smile. “Just knowing that you were back on earth, getting more and more impatient with me and us and that there was nothing I could do about it.” He paused, finishing his whiskey in one big gulp. He caught the bartender’s attention and tapped his glass for another. It would be his third. “I was such an optimist before that.”

“I think you’re still an optimist,” Tracy said. “Just now with a healthy dose of realism to go with it.”

“Yeah.” Gordo smiled a little. “Maybe.”

The bartender brought him another whiskey, and Gordo thanked him.

“You know, Ed blames himself for all of it,” Tracy said. “When we were both up the other night, unable to sleep, he told me that.”

“Yeah,” Gordo said. He had had that conversation with Ed on the side of the road a week and a half earlier. “I know he does. It wasn’t his fault, though.”

“No,” Tracy agreed. “That’s just something he’s going to have to get through himself.”

“Yeah.”

“Speaking of getting through things,” Tracy began.

“What?” Gordo asked.

“How are you doing?” Tracy asked. “With everything. With...the panic attacks. And therapy.”

“Mm. Okay, I think.” They had discussed his first therapy appointment with Dr. Ozarin on the three-hour flight from Houston to Arlington, so Tracy already knew the details of the session.

“Do you think she’ll help you?”

“I hope so,” Gordo said. “Probably.” He sniffed and took a sip from his whiskey glass. “I feel more open this time around.”

Tracy nodded. “Well, you’ve been through it before.”

“Yeah. I just—I didn’t open up enough with Dr. Marsten. And I didn’t feel like I dealt with everything very well.”

Tracy nodded, watching him. “You should open up to her. Dr. Ozarin. You need that, Gordo. And I’m here this time too, okay?”

Gordo looked at Tracy and smiled, glad to hear it. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

She took a drink, and he did the same.

Then, he asked, “Do you think you’ll ever go back?”

“To Jamestown?”

“Yeah. Or just to space in general.”

“I don’t know,” she said. “Not anytime soon.”

“Yeah.”

“What about you?”

“Same,” Gordo said. “We went through a lot up there. And back here.”

“We’re still going through it,” Tracy pointed out, waving a hand that Gordo assumed was to indicate their reason for visiting Arlington.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “And it was a lot to put our boys through.”

Tracy nodded. She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “And now one of those boys wants to be an astronaut too.”

“Maybe we can steer him away from that,” Gordo said hopefully.

Tracy chuckled. “Right. Good luck with that.”

“I know.” Gordo laughed softly. “I don’t think anything is going to stop him from becoming an astronaut.”

“Can you blame him?” Tracy asked. “Both of his parents are astronauts. I’m just relieved that Jimmy doesn’t have that dream as well.”

“Me too, honestly,” Gordo said. “But I just wonder…”

“About what?”

“If any of this has turned Danny off from that dream. If his parents nearly dying has changed anything for him.”

“I don’t know,” Tracy uttered. “I mean, he has always known the risks. He’s always known how dangerous it is.”

“Yeah,” Gordo agreed. “But knowing it and seeing it nearly happen to someone you love are two different things.”

“True.” Tracy shrugged a shoulder. “I feel like Danny is going to charge through that. If it were Jimmy, he might have second thoughts. But Danny…”

Gordo nodded and took a drink before saying, “No man, woman, or beast is going to keep Danny from becoming an astronaut, if that’s what he wants to do.” He smiled at Tracy, adding, “He’s a lot like his mom in that way.”

Tracy smiled, locking eyes with Gordo. They held each other’s gaze for a long moment. Gordo felt something stirring in him. He glanced at Tracy’s lips.

“You ready to head back to the hotel?” Tracy asked.

Gordo’s stomach clenched. He didn’t know if it was an innocent question or a suggestive one. He nodded, hoping for the latter.

Gordo gulped the rest of his whiskey and paid for their meals and drinks. Then, they walked the two blocks back to their hotel together and went up to their room. Tracy had booked a single room for the two of them. There were two queen-sized beds, but Gordo didn’t know whether or not Tracy booking one room for them had meant something more than simply saving a few bucks.

Tracy unlocked the door and went inside. Gordo followed her into the hotel room and latched the door behind him. Tracy turned on a lamp and removed her shoes, placing them neatly beside the television stand.

“What did you mean?” Gordo asked, watching her. “At Jamestown.”

Tracy looked at him, brow furrowed. “What are you talking about?”

“My first night there,” he continued. “When we were smoking in the airlock.” He took a couple of slow steps towards Tracy who just watched him curiously. “‘Catch me if you can,’” Gordo reminded her. “That’s what you said.”

A slow smile formed on Tracy’s lips. “I did.”

“What did that mean?” he asked. “Was that just harmless flirting, or…?”

Tracy tilted her head slightly, eyes sparkling despite the dim light in the room. “What do you think it meant?”

“I think it was a challenge,” Gordo said. “I had just confessed my feelings to you. Confessed that I wanted you back. I had just told you that I wouldn’t be happy again until I was back with you.”

Tracy just watched him. She looked a little amused but also curious as to where he was going with it all. Wondering why he had brought it up.

“And then you told me to catch you if I can.” He slowly closed the gap between them. They were half an arm’s length away. “I think you wanted to see just how much I wanted you back.” Gordo stared down at Tracy as she stared up at him.

“Is that what you’re doing now?” she asked, offering a small smirk. “Trying to catch me?”

Gordo searched her eyes, remembering why he had fallen in love with her twenty-two years earlier. Quietly, he said, “Only if you’ll be caught.”

Tracy held his gaze for a long moment. “Are you drunk?” she asked softly after a few moments, catching him off guard.

He shook his head. “Only a little uninhibited.”

“So, your normal self,” Tracy said with a grin.

Gordo chuckled. “Are you drunk?”

“I had one whiskey.”

“Were you changing the subject by asking me?” Gordo said.

“No. Just curious if this is you talking or the alcohol.”

“It’s me, Trace,” Gordo assured her. “It’s always me.”

She nodded slightly, watching him. He could see the debate in her eyes.

“It can just be about tonight,” he whispered.

“Because everyone has sex after a funeral?” Tracy asked with a smirk.

Gordo smiled. “Something like that.”

“Or...whatever this was that we just did today.”

Gordo nodded. “Close enough.”

He had sort of felt like they had attended a funeral. They had missed Vance’s and Jon’s actual funerals, so their visit to Arlington had been their version. And afterwards, Gordo had felt a lot like he usually did after real funerals that he had attended in the past. Sad. A little numb. Wanting to feel something good.

Tracy still held his gaze, so Gordo slowly leaned in. He remembered how she had pulled away at Jamestown when he had done that.

She didn’t pull away now.

He kissed her softly on the lips, suddenly missing that feeling with her and aching for more. She returned the kiss, and Gordo reached up, gently placing his hand on the side of her neck. Tracy put her hands on his waist, gently at first and then more firmly as they deepened their kiss.

They moved to the bed closer to the window. Tracy slid her hands up to his biceps and pushed him back towards the bed. He backed up until his legs ran into the bed, and he sat down on the end of it. Tracy knelt on the bed, her knees on either side of his thighs. He put his hands on her waist as she leaned down to kiss him hard on the mouth. A soft moan escaped his lips.

Gordo felt Tracy’s hands at his waist, pulling his shirt up. He let her pull it off over his head, and then she tossed it to the floor.

She urged him to move back on the bed, and he did, lying on his back on the neatly-made bed, with his head on one of the pillows. Still fully clothed, Tracy straddled his hips. He felt the warmth of her hands on his bare torso as she gently caressed his sides, chest, and stomach.

He took a deep breath, hoping not to break whatever spell had been cast between them. Then, Tracy leaned down, kissing him on the mouth again as she unfastened his pants.

Chapter Text

“You okay, Jimmy?” Mr. Baldwin asked.

Jimmy looked up from his plate where his bean sandwich lay half-eaten. It wasn’t one of his favorite meals, but he liked it well enough. And he had had it several times over the years at the Baldwin house. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

“You sure?” Mr. Baldwin asked from the head of the patio table, where his dad usually sat when they ate outside. “Is it...bad?”

“No,” Jimmy said quickly. “It’s good. I was just…thinking.”

“Something you want to talk about?”

Jimmy shrugged. He was glad that Kelly and her dad were staying there. If they hadn’t been, he probably would have gone to Miles’s house to spend the night while his parents were away. Or, maybe, he would have just gone with his parents to Arlington.

He missed them. His parents. He thought he was being a little ridiculous for that. They had only been gone for half a day and would be back the following night, but that didn’t matter. He still missed them. He knew they were perfectly capable of taking care of themselves, but after what had happened to them on the moon, Jimmy worried for them more than he ever had before.

“Is it your parents?” Kelly asked. She was seated across from him.

He looked at her and nodded.

“Oh,” Mr. Baldwin uttered. “They’ll be back tomorrow night, right?”

“Yeah.”

“But they just got back,” Kelly said. “I get that—Not wanting them to leave again so soon.”

“It’s okay,” Jimmy said. “I know they wanted to visit Arlington. They feel like they need it, so I’m glad they went.”

“Still,” Kelly said in her perpetually understanding way. He loved that about her – the way she was always so open-minded and understanding. “It’s hard when they’re gone.”

Mr. Baldwin smiled wryly.

“Yeah. I just—I worry about them,” Jimmy said.

“That’s to be expected,” Kelly said. “They went through a lot. So did you and Danny.”

Jimmy glanced at Mr. Baldwin at the mention of Danny’s name. The Admiral’s expression was steely, but he said nothing.

“I’m just glad you two were here through all of it,” Jimmy said.

“Of course,” Kelly said with a gentle smile.

“Yeah,” Mr. Baldwin agreed. “We’re all here for whatever you need. All right?”

“Thanks.”

“I can make you something else if you’d like,” Mr. Baldwin said, gesturing towards Jimmy’s plate.

“No,” Jimmy said, returning his attention to his sandwich. “This is great.” He resumed eating.

Mr. Baldwin smiled. “Good. And tonight, we can do whatever you want to do. Go see a movie, go to the arcade…”

“I was thinking we could just hang out and watch some TV or something,” Jimmy suggested.

“Done,” Mr. Baldwin agreed.

After dinner, the three of them cleaned up the patio table and the kitchen. Then, they went to the living room where they hung out on the couch and watched television. If Jimmy didn’t look directly at them, he could sort of pretend like he was on the couch with his parents instead of Kelly and her dad.

He even retrieved some Cheez Balls from the kitchen for them to snack on – he and Kelly did, but Mr. Baldwin declined. They had had a lot of Cheez Balls in the house since Jimmy’s parents’ divorce, and the snack always reminded him of watching TV in the evenings with his dad.

He hoped his parents were doing okay in Arlington. The east coast was only an hour ahead of Houston, so Jimmy assumed his parents had already visited the cemetery and had probably had dinner.

He hoped their visit to the cemetery helped. His dad had made a point to talk more about his feelings since returning from the moon – Jimmy was still getting used to the increased openness and honesty – but he was glad for it. He hated that his parents went through such trauma, both physically and mentally, but he was relieved to know that he wasn’t the only one who had been terrified and traumatized by the whole ordeal.

He knew his parents had gone through a lot on the moon, but he also knew that they didn’t show him everything they were feeling.

Like what was going on between the two of them. Jimmy’s mom and Sam had split up. Jimmy wasn’t sure what to think about that. Sam seemed like a good guy, and he had always treated Jimmy well, but he wasn’t super close to Sam. Jimmy loved the idea of his parents possibly getting back together, but that wasn’t something they had talked about with him.

But his mom was staying with them. Sleeping in their old bedroom. Jimmy didn’t want to think too hard about that, but he still wondered what it meant. Were they getting back together? Or was it just a temporary living arrangement so that Jimmy’s mom wouldn’t have to stay in a hotel?

Jimmy’s parents had fought a lot when he and Danny were kids. He had honestly been a little surprised that they hadn’t gotten divorced sooner. Not that he had wanted that. He hadn’t. He had been twelve years old at the time and had cried himself to sleep for a week after his mom had moved out. He hadn’t fully understood what divorce meant for his family, and he had been scared that his mom was leaving him and Danny too.

But, of course, she hadn’t.

And now, Jimmy’s parents were getting along again. After their divorce, things between them had seemed to calm down, but they had never been the same. They didn’t laugh together or dance casually in the living room. There were no loving moments between them any longer. Instead, they talked almost exclusively about their work schedules and Jimmy and Danny. The closeness between his parents had vanished after the divorce. And that was the way it had remained for years.

Until their return from the moon.

There was something different between them. Jimmy hadn’t seen his parents so close in years. In fact, he didn’t ever remember them being so close before. He assumed they had been – maybe when they had first gotten together – but that was before Jimmy. And he wondered what it meant that his parents were getting along so well now.

Chapter Text

When Tracy and Gordo were finished, she lay beside him on the bed, the sheet pulled up to her underarms. Gordo was covered only from his hip bones down. Tracy was on her side, facing him. She reached out, gently brushing her fingertips over his stomach.

It was flat again – the opposite of what it had been when he had told her he was returning to the moon for the first time in nearly ten years. He had gotten back in shape before Jamestown. But despite his belly being flat again now, it was missing the solidness of muscle she had gotten used to during their marriage. Not that she minded. It was just something new to her that she had taken note of.

“I remember when we used to do this all the time,” Gordo said.

“Have sex?” Tracy asked.

He chuckled softly. “That too. But I mean just lying together. Enjoying each other’s company.”

“It’s been a long time,” she mused.

“Yeah,” he said quietly. “Too long.”

She nodded gently, watching her fingers trace circuitous lines over Gordo’s stomach. She slowly moved her hand to his hip, her fingers finding the smooth ridges of a crooked scar. That was new too.

Gordo tensed a little bit, and Tracy looked at his face. He searched her eyes, uncertainty behind his. Maybe a hint of self-consciousness, Tracy thought.

“Does that hurt?” she whispered.

He shook his head. “It’s just a little tender.”

“Should I stop?”

He shook his head again.

Tracy offered a small smile and returned her attention to Gordo’s hip. She finished lightly tracing the scar and then placed her palm over it gently, exhaling quietly as her mind flitted to how he had gotten the scar in the first place.

She recalled how badly her own moon wounds had hurt. How many she had. Gordo had more than her, and they had been worse. Her stomach tightened at the thought of how much pain he had been in. She hated that. She could deal with her own pain, but she couldn’t handle her loved ones being in pain. She couldn’t handle Gordo being in pain. She was glad he wasn’t now.

Tracy gently slid her hand up Gordo’s side, finding the scar on his chest, inches below his right collar bone. The pink ridges were more raised there, more obvious. That wound had been bigger than the wound on his hip. Tracy very lightly traced the scar with her fingers.

Gordo inhaled deeply, letting it out in one long, quiet breath.

“Does this one hurt?”

“No. They’re all just tender.”

“The same amount?”

He shook his head. “This is the most tender. And the one on my back. That’s not…”

She met his gaze again when he trailed off. “What?” she prodded.

“I just—My body has changed a little bit since the last time you saw it.”

“I saw you shirtless the other day in the bathroom.”

“You know what I mean,” he said gently. “Since you saw me like this. Being together.” He paused before adding, “And seeing my scars is a little different than…” He trailed off and shrugged.

Tracy nodded because she understood. Gordo wasn’t the only one whose body had changed. Tracy had plenty of scars of her own. She had been only mildly self-conscious about it when undressing with Gordo, but he had been the same Gordo with her that he had always been – tender, sweet, loving – and her insecurities had quickly drifted away.

“I have these scars too,” she reminded him. “You don’t seem to mind.”

“I don’t,” he said quickly. “You’re beautiful, Trace. Always. No matter what.”

She smiled gently. “Thank you.” She held his gaze as she said, “So are you, Gordo. You don’t need to feel self-conscious about anything with me.” She shifted and leaned in to kiss him gently on the cheek. Then, she whispered, “Ever.”

He inhaled sharply and then let it out slowly as he watched her face. After a few moments, he said, “Thanks.”

“Okay?” she asked, hoping he got it. Hoping he understood that she didn’t find him any less attractive now than she ever had.

“Okay,” he said, offering a small smile.

She nodded once, satisfied. “Good.”

Chapter Text

Gordo awoke on his left side, feeling calm and rested. It took him only a second to remember the night before. He remembered his and Tracy’s visit to the cemetery. He remembered having dinner, drinks, and a heart-to-heart with Tracy. He remembered them returning to their hotel room and making love. He smiled to himself, recalling the way Tracy had tenderly traced his scars and reminded him that he never had to be self-conscious around her.

Tracy wasn’t in bed beside him. He reached out to touch the rumpled sheets, noting that they were still warm. He let out a content sigh as he rolled onto his back and stretched his arms above his head.

The toilet flushed in the bathroom. Gordo looked that direction, but he couldn’t see the bathroom door from where he lay. Moments later, he heard the creak of the door, saw a sliver of light on the opposite wall before it went off, and then Tracy appeared around the corner.

“Morning,” he said, watching her walk back into the room.

She looked at him and smiled gently. “Morning.”

She was already dressed in a pair of blue jeans and a beige sweater. Her makeup was on, and her hair had been brushed and pulled back into a ponytail. Gordo had always loved her hair, no matter the style. He loved when she wore it down, but he also loved when she wore it up because it showed off more of her face that way.

“Where are you going this early?” he asked.

“We have to get to Annapolis,” she said, returning her makeup case to her overnight bag that sat on top of the dresser by the TV. “Danny’s waiting for us.”

Gordo checked his watch which was still on his wrist. It was just after eight in the morning. He lowered his arm to the bed beside him, saying, “We have plenty of time. Danny doesn’t even know we’re coming, and his classes aren’t over until three-thirty, anyway.”

“Yeah, but I want to beat traffic.”

“We have plenty of time,” he repeated.

“And we need to get breakfast, check out of here, get our luggage loaded…”

“We have one bag each,” he reminded her. “Come here.”

She looked at him. “Are you going to get up?”

He smiled. “Come here,” he repeated.

“Gordo,” she began with a small, exasperated sigh.

“Please?”

She stared at him for a moment, looking unamused. But then she walked over and stood next to the bed. Gordo propped up on his right elbow. He reached out and took her hand, smiling as he looked up at her. She offered a small smile in return.

“Come back to bed,” he urged.

“Why?” she asked with a smirk. “Did you not get enough last night?”

He chuckled. “It’ll never be enough,” he said honestly.

She shook her head but smiled. She reached out with the hand that he wasn’t holding and placed it against his cheek. He smiled up at her, and she slowly leaned down, her face within inches of his. His gaze fell to her lips, and he hoped she would kiss him.

Instead, she whispered, “Get out of bed.” She stood up straight again, removed her hand from his cheek, and let go of his hand. Then, she returned to her overnight bag on the dresser.

He chuckled, watching her walk away.

After Gordo got up and dressed for the day, he and Tracy left the hotel for a diner around the corner. They ordered coffee and breakfast, and Gordo tried to talk to her about the night before, but she wouldn’t engage. Instead, she changed the subject to discuss what route they would take to Annapolis. After breakfast, they leisurely returned to their hotel room, gathered their bags, and checked out a few minutes before eleven.

On the road, Gordo drove east on Highway 50. He knew the trip to Annapolis would take about an hour. That would put them there around noon, still three-and-a-half hours before Danny would finish his classes for the day.

“We’re going to have some time to kill when we get there,” Gordo pointed out.

“That’s okay. We can check out the area or something.”

“And get lunch,” Gordo said. “Definitely.”

“You just ate.”

He chuckled. “So? That will be hours from now.” He glanced at Tracy who smiled and shook her head in the passenger seat.

“I guess,” she said.

He glanced at her. She wasn’t looking at him. Instead, she was staring out the passenger window.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she said. “I’m fine.”

“You sure? Because you seem kind of...off this morning.” He wondered if it was because of what had happened between them the night before, and it made his stomach sink. He hoped not. He was content. Happy, really. He hoped she was too, but she didn’t seem to be. He just hoped that her discontent had nothing to do with what they had done the night before.

“I’m just thinking about Danny.”

“What about him?” Gordo asked, repressing a relieved sigh.

“I hope he’s doing okay.”

“He’s only been gone for four days,” Gordo reminded her. “I’m sure he’s fine.”

“Yeah,” she uttered. “You’re probably right. I just worry about him.”

“I know you do,” he said gently. “I do too. Especially now, with everything that happened with us and with—with Karen.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Tracy nod. He glanced at her, and she looked at him. He offered a small smile and reached over, taking her hand and holding it on the seat between them.

Despite what Tracy had said, Gordo wasn’t convinced that Danny was the only thing weighing on her mind. But he was afraid to ask, so he didn’t. Instead, they drove to Annapolis without speaking a word about what had happened between them the night before.

When they arrived in Annapolis, it was 12:06. Gordo found a space to park the rental car on the street, and then he and Tracy walked around town for a while before getting a late lunch. It was just after three o’clock in the afternoon when they started walking back to the car.

They drove to the Naval Academy and entered through Gate 1. Gordo handed over his and Tracy’s IDs to the security guard. He looked at Gordo’s ID for a split second before snapping his attention back to Gordo. His eyes were slightly wider than normal as he said, “It’s an honor to have you here, Admiral Stevens.”

Gordo offered a small smile. “Thank you.”

“And Ms. Stevens,” he added, looking past Gordo to Tracy in the passenger seat. “What you two did up on the moon—It was incredible.”

“Well, thank you,” Tracy said with a charming smile. “We appreciate you saying so.”

“Enjoy your time on campus,” the security guard said, handing their IDs back to Gordo.

“Thanks,” Gordo said. “Have a good day.”

“You too,” the guard said, opening the gate for them.

Gordo drove through the open gate and glanced in his side mirror. The guard was watching after them, eyes still wide.

“I guess that’s something we’re just going to have to get used to,” Tracy said beside him.

“Mm. Yeah. I don’t know if I can.”

Tracy chuckled. “You will.”

“You did, right?”

“Not really,” Tracy said. “Not yet.”

“No,” Gordo said, winding the car slowly through campus. “I mean, before. With the talk shows and being in the limelight and everything. You seemed pretty comfortable with all that.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Tracy said. “It was fun for a while, being the center of attention like that. And not for being the ‘astro-wife’ but because of my own accomplishments.”

Gordo nodded.

“But after a while, it sort of lost its luster.”

“That’s not really you,” Gordo said. It wasn’t a question. He knew Tracy well enough to know that he was right.

“No,” she agreed. “It’s not.” She paused before adding, “But it looks like we’re both going to have to get used to all the attention now.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Gordo uttered.

He found a place to park near Bancroft Hall and killed the engine. He and Tracy got out of the car and made their way to Tecumseh Court, in front of the imposing dormitory building. Two curved ramps wound their way up to the hall on either side of a herringbone quadrangle. Between the ramps, a set of steps, flanked by cannons, led up to the main entrance of the pale granite building. Carved battleships adorned the ornate roof parapet above.

Gordo checked his watch: 3:32. Danny wouldn’t be back to his room yet. His classes had just ended two minutes earlier.

“Should we go up?” Tracy asked. “Or just wait out here?”

“We can wait out here,” Gordo said. He gestured to the short wall lining the edge of the curved ramp, and the two of them walked over to sit.

Less than five minutes passed when Gordo heard a familiar voice say, “Mom? Dad?”

Gordo and Tracy turned to look, getting to their feet as Danny approached. He wore his khaki service uniform with his garrison cap and a backpack on his back. He slowed to a stop, looking them over, his brow knitting tightly in concern.

“What—What are you doing here? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Tracy said quickly. She closed the gap between herself and Danny. “We just wanted to come visit.” She pulled him into a hug.

“You came all the way out here just to visit me?” Danny asked when they released their hug. “I just left Sunday. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to see you guys.”

“Well, we wanted to come out this way anyway,” Tracy explained. “We went to Arlington yesterday.”

“Why?” Danny asked.

“To visit Vance’s grave,” Gordo said. “And Jon’s.”

“Oh,” Danny uttered. “Right. Of course.”

“It was a last-minute decision,” Tracy said. “And then we wanted to surprise you.”

Danny smiled gently. “Well, consider me surprised.”

“You doing okay?” Gordo asked, walking over to join them.

“Yeah,” Danny said.

“Do you have some time to hang out before dinner?” Tracy asked.

“Yeah, I was just heading back to my dorm for a couple of hours.”

“Do you need to study, or…?”

“No,” Danny said. “Study time is after dinner.”

“Okay,” Tracy said with a smile. She put her hands on Danny’s arms and looked him over.

“Stop,” Danny protested mildly. “You just saw me four days ago. Nothing’s changed.”

“Well, I’ve missed you anyway,” Tracy said.

Danny smiled gently. “I’ve missed you too.”

The three of them left Tecumseh Court for the park-like area across from Bancroft Hall. They strolled the shaded, red-brick herringbone path of Stribling Walk as Gordo and Tracy asked about Danny’s classes and how he was doing since his return to Annapolis.

“It’s taking a little getting used to,” Danny admitted. “Being back here.”

“For your second year?” Gordo asked. “Or being back from leave?”

“Both, I guess.”

Gordo sighed softly. “I’m sorry, buddy. I’m sorry you had to take time off because of what happened with me and your mom.”

“Are you doing okay in your classes?” Tracy asked. “Do you need help or a tutor or anything?”

“No,” Danny said. “Nothing like that. I’ve been given time to make up all my class work.”

Gordo stopped walking, and Danny and Tracy did the same. Gordo turned to face Danny, watching his son closely. “What, then?” he prodded gently.

Danny didn’t look at either one of them. He stared somewhere across campus, shifting his weight on his feet. He looked uncomfortable, and what was troubling Danny suddenly dawned on Gordo.

“Is it Karen?” Gordo asked gently.

Danny fidgeted, still avoiding eye contact.

“It’s okay,” Gordo assured him.

“I just…” Danny trailed off, shaking his head. He sighed before continuing. “I just feel distracted,” he admitted.

“Because of your feelings for her?” Tracy asked softly. She reached out and gently wrapped her fingers around Danny’s wrist.

Danny’s eyes began to glisten, and he shook his head. Gordo wasn’t sure if it was in response to Tracy’s question or because he was feeling embarrassed. Regardless, Gordo’s chest ached at the sight.

“It just feels like…” Danny’s voice broke a little.

“Like what?” Gordo urged.

Danny took a deep breath and then whispered, “Like we left everything unresolved.”

“Like you had no closure?” Tracy asked.

Danny nodded. “She just—She stopped talking to me.”

“I’m so sorry, baby,” Tracy said, frowning. Gordo could see that she was just as broken up about their son’s emotional state as Gordo was.

“She told me we couldn’t…” He trailed off, closing his eyes briefly as he said, “Do that anymore.” He re-opened them but still wouldn’t look at Gordo or Tracy.

Gordo understood his son’s embarrassment on the topic, but he was glad that Danny was opening up despite how it was affecting him.

“Right,” Tracy said.

“But then she just...stopped talking to me. Not just about that but about anything.” He sniffled and swiped at his eyes. “I just want to talk to her,” he admitted softly. “I feel like we need to talk about it.”

“Yeah,” Gordo uttered quietly.

He knew it was best for Danny and Karen to refrain from doing again what they had done. Gordo hated that his son was heartbroken over the whole thing, but he felt like Danny deserved some kind of closure regarding it. Gordo wasn’t sure how easily Danny could move forward until he got that. He wasn’t sure if Danny could move forward at all until he got that.

“Just give her some time,” Gordo said. “It hasn’t been that long. Once things settle a little bit, maybe you two can talk things through.”

“Maybe,” Danny said. “I hope so.”

Gordo nodded a little. He hoped so too. In fact, he more than hoped so. He was determined to make sure of it once they returned to Houston.

“And Kelly,” Danny began.

“What about her?” Tracy asked.

“She’s not returning my calls either.”

“Give her some time too,” Tracy said.

“I know she’s staying at the Shamrock with Ed.” He paused. “Maybe I have the wrong number.”

Gordo and Tracy shared a look.

“What?” Danny asked, looking back and forth between the two of them.

“Uh,” Gordo uttered. “They’re not staying at the Shamrock anymore.”

“Oh,” Danny said. “So, they went back home?”

“Not exactly,” Tracy said.

Danny furrowed his brow in confusion, still looking back and forth between them, waiting for an explanation.

“They’re staying with us,” Gordo said finally.

“What?”

Gordo sighed softly. “Yeah.”

“Why?”

“Because I invited them,” Gordo said. “Because they didn’t need to stay at that hotel indefinitely.”

“So, wait,” Danny began. “Are they...using my room? Is Ed using my room?”

“No,” Gordo said. “Ed’s on the couch. Kelly’s in your room.”

Danny exhaled sharply, shaking his head. He looked shocked, like he was trying to process the information he had just received.

“So, what happens when I come home?”

“They’ll be gone before you come back home for Thanksgiving.”

“What if I want to come home before that?”

“Are you even allowed to do that?” Tracy asked.

“I don’t know. Not really. But they might let me, considering everything that’s been going on.”

Tracy shook her head. “You don’t need to miss any more classes. Your dad and I are fine. There’s no reason for you to come back before Thanksgiving.”

“But,” Gordo began, “if, for some reason, you do come home before then, we’ll work it out. Okay?”

Danny exhaled a heavy, displeased sigh.

“Are you mad?” Gordo asked gently.

“I don’t know.”

“It’s okay if you are,” Tracy said.

Danny shrugged. “I mean, I guess since they need a place to stay…”

Gordo nodded.

“And with Kelly in my bedroom instead of Ed, there’s a slightly smaller chance of everything in there getting destroyed.”

The corners of Gordo’s mouth tugged upwards. “No one is going to destroy your room.”

“I don’t know,” Danny said. “Kelly was pretty mad at me too.”

“Does that sound like Kelly?” Gordo asked. “To destroy anything?”

Danny sighed. “I guess not.”

“Just give her some time,” Gordo reminded him.

Chapter Text

It was just before midnight when Gordo and Tracy arrived home. The house was dimly lit, and Gordo assumed that everyone was already asleep. As they passed by the living room, he could just make out Ed’s dark shape lying on the couch in the dim room. Gordo was exhausted himself. He and Tracy had gotten up early, driven to Annapolis, visited their son, and flown back home, all in less than sixteen hours. His body and mind weren’t used to that demanding sort of schedule anymore.

“I really thought getting back to school would be good for him,” Tracy said once the two of them were in Gordo’s bedroom with the door closed. “I thought it would be a good distraction from everything that’s been going on.”

“Yeah,” Gordo agreed, setting his overnight bag on the floor beside his nightstand. “Instead, everything that’s been going on is a distraction from school.”

Tracy sighed. “I hate that Karen did this to him.”

“Me too.”

“I know she didn’t mean to, but…” Tracy shook her head. She began absently unpacking her bag on the bed, clothes and makeup and bathroom products strewn out over the top of the neatly-made comforter.

He hated seeing her like that. He hated that she was upset. He hated that Danny was upset too. In Annapolis, Gordo had made up his mind to do something, and he was even more determined to put that plan into action.

He was going to talk to Karen. He thought about bringing it up to Tracy, but he wasn’t sure how she would react. They were both exhausted mentally and physically after two big, emotional days – hell, three emotional weeks – and he thought Tracy might try to talk him out of it.

But he wasn’t going to be talked out of it. Tomorrow, he thought. He would go see Karen. He would convince her to talk to Danny. She couldn’t undo what she had done to him. She couldn’t un-break Danny’s heart. But maybe she could ease his heartache a little bit. Maybe she could give him the closure he needed – and deserved – so that he could move forward.

“You okay?” Tracy asked.

“Hm?” Pulled from his thoughts, Gordo looked at her. “Yeah.”

“Okay.” Tracy looked down at her belongings scattered all over the bed. “I don’t know why I did this.”

“It’s been a long day.”

“‘Day,’” Tracy said with a scoff.

“Weeks,” Gordo amended.

Tracy nodded and began moving the items from the bed. She tossed her clothes in a pile beside the dresser and moved her makeup case and bathroom products to the top of the dresser.

“I’ll clean it all up tomorrow.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Gordo said. “You really should make yourself at home.”

“Yeah,” she uttered, but that was all she said.

Gordo watched her for a few moments and then walked around the end of the bed, closing the distance between them.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Just tired.” She exhaled heavily. “Exhausted, really.”

“Me too.” He gently took her hand. “I’m glad you’re here.”

She looked up at him, offering a small smile.

“And I’m glad we…”

“What?” she asked gently.

“I’m glad last night happened.”

Tracy took a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds before letting it out slowly as she studied Gordo’s eyes.

“What?” he asked gently. “Are you...not happy about it?”

“That’s not…”

He waited, but when she didn’t continue, he quietly prodded again. “What?” He furrowed his brow, his concern from that morning growing again.

“We’re not back together, Gordo,” she whispered.

“No,” he said quietly. “I know that. But I’m still happy about what happened.”

She nodded, smiling a little.

“But we could be,” he offered. “Back together.” He lifted her hand, kissing her knuckles.

“Gordo,” she said gently.

“Why not?” he asked. “I love you, Trace. And I know you love me too.”

“I told you I need some time.”

“But last night—”

“You are the one who said it could just be about last night.”

“I know I did.”

“So, what?” Tracy said, removing her hand from his. “You changed your mind?”

“No,” Gordo said. “I don’t know. You know that I want to be with you.”

“Yes, I do. And last night, we were both emotional, and we agreed that what we did would just be about that.”

“So, you’re saying that you don’t want more?”

“I’m saying the same thing I’ve been saying all along, Gordo. I need time.”

“It’s been weeks,” Gordo said, harsher than intended.

Tracy scoffed, shaking her head. “No.”

“What?”

“You don’t get to do this, Gordo.” She took a half step closer to him, fire behind her eyes as she stared into his. “You don’t get to say that us having sex is about just one night and then make me the bad guy when I want us to stick to that.”

“I’m not making you the bad guy,” Gordo said. His stomach was in knots – the way it always got when he and Tracy fought. “I just want you to make up your damn mind.”

Tracy stared at him for a long moment before letting out a wry laugh. She shook her head. “I knew this was a bad idea.”

Gordo knew he should stop, that he should keep his mouth shut, but he was exhausted and, frankly, a little scared that Tracy would eventually decide that she didn’t want to be with him after all.

“What? Staying here?” Gordo asked heatedly. “Or fucking me last night?”

“Yes,” Tracy said angrily. “All of it.”

Gordo clenched his jaw. He hadn’t wanted their night to go like this. He hadn’t wanted them to fight. He had hoped that the night before would lead to more between them, but he understood her need for more time. They had both been through a lot lately – and Tracy even more, with her split from Sam.

“Enjoy your bed,” Tracy said, turning away from him and throwing her stuff back into her overnight bag. “I’m going to the Shamrock.”

“Trace,” Gordo said with a heavy sigh. “Stop.”

“I knew it,” Tracy said, angrily throwing a lotion bottle into her bag. “I knew this new, improved version of King Gordo was too damn good to be true. You’re the same old selfish prick you’ve always been.”

Tracy’s words hit Gordo like a ton of bricks. His stomach sank, and he blinked back the tears that threatened to form in his eyes.

“Fuck you,” Gordo hissed, his hurt coming out as anger, as it usually did with Tracy. “I tell you I love you, and you call me a selfish prick?”

Tracy ignored him, closing her overnight bag and storming past him.

“Trace,” Gordo said, turning to follow her. “That’s it? You’re just leaving?”

“Yes, Gordo. I’m leaving.” She whipped open the bedroom door and disappeared into the hall.

Gordo went after her. “Trace,” he said, hoping she would stop. She didn’t.

He followed her down the hall and around the corner. She reached the front door, opening it, slipping through, and closing it before Gordo could catch up. He hurried to the door and opened it, following Tracy outside. He jogged down the sidewalk and out to Tracy’s Porsche in the driveway. She opened the door and threw her overnight bag across to the passenger seat.

“Trace,” Gordo said. “Stop.”

She let out an exasperated sigh. “What, Gordo?” She didn’t stop, though. She turned to get into the car, but Gordo caught up and gently grabbed a hold of her wrist. She clenched her jaw but didn’t pull away.

“Please,” Gordo said. “I don’t want to do this.”

“You don’t want to do what?” Tracy demanded.

Gordo took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Gently, he said, “Fight with you.”

Tracy looked at him, searching his eyes.

“I don’t want us to be like that anymore,” he admitted. “Like we were before.”

Tracy let out a frustrated exhale and then said, “I don’t either, Gordo.”

He offered a small smile, glad that they were finally agreeing on something.

“We’ve been through too damn much,” Tracy said.

He nodded, but he wasn’t sure where she was going with it, so he let her continue.

“We should be closer than ever right now.”

“We are,” Gordo insisted. “We’re just—We’re exhausted. And emotional.”

Tracy nodded her agreement.

“I do love you, Trace. And I want, more than anything, to be with you.” He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “I just—I got scared.”

Tracy furrowed her brow. “Scared of what?”

“Of you,” he said. “Of you deciding that you don’t want to be with me.” He paused and smirked. “I guess this reaction isn’t helping. I'm sorry.”

She shook her head a little, offering a small smile. “I'm sorry too. Like you said, we’re both exhausted and emotional right now.”

“Yeah.”

She searched his eyes for a long moment before saying, “I don’t think you’re the same selfish prick you used to be.”

Gordo let out a small chuckle. “Well, I’m glad to hear it.” He let go of Tracy’s wrist and took her hand instead. “Will you come back inside?” he asked. “Please?”

She looked at him for a long moment. “I don’t know,” she said.

“Why?” he asked gently.

“Because you’re so hopeful, Gordo. And I mean, that’s a good thing, but I haven’t made up my mind yet. And I feel like you’re going to be absolutely crushed if it doesn’t go your way.”

Gordo inhaled sharply. “Yeah,” he said. “I’ll be upset, but…I know you need time. And I’m really not trying to rush you. No matter how it seems tonight.”

“I should have said no last night,” Tracy said. “I feel like I led you on.”

“You didn’t,” Gordo said. “I knew what it was and that it was just about last night. I just—I’m always hoping it will lead to something more.”

Tracy nodded a little. “I’ll come back inside,” she agreed after a few moments.

“Good.”

“As long as we can lay down some ground rules.”

Gordo offered a small smile. “Okay.”

“No more sex,” she said.

“Oh,” Gordo groaned like she had physically wounded him. “Come on.”

Tracy chuckled and shook her head. “It’s too confusing.”

Gordo sighed dramatically but then smiled a little. “Okay. Fine.”

“And you have to stop rushing me to make a decision.”

“I will.”

“Okay.”

“Is that all?” Gordo asked.

“For now.”

Gordo smiled. “Will you come back inside now?”

Tracy stared at him for a long moment, debating, before finally saying, “Yes.”

Gordo smiled, and Tracy retrieved her bag from the car. Then, she closed the door, and the two of them walked back up to the house together. Gordo wracked his brain, but he couldn’t remember the last time the two of them had had a fight that they were able to come back from without spending hours – or sometimes days – apart.

Things were changing between them. He could feel it. And it felt like they were changing for the better.

Chapter Text

Gordo knocked lightly on the Baldwin front door and then stepped off the porch onto the brick walkway to wait. Tracy didn’t know he was there. Ed didn’t know he was there. But Gordo wanted to do something. He needed to do something. Danny was hurting, and he couldn’t concentrate at school, and it made Gordo ache to see his son that way.

The front door opened, and Karen stood on the other side of the threshold.

“Gordo,” she said, eyebrows lifting in surprise. “Hello.”

“Hi.”

“Is everything—Everything okay?”

Gordo inhaled sharply and shook his head. “I was hoping we could talk.”

“Is it Ed?” Karen asked, a worried tinge to her voice. “Or Kelly?”

“Oh,” Gordo uttered, shaking his head. “No. No, they’re fine. I’m sorry. I…”

Karen exhaled heavily, putting a hand to her chest for a moment.

“I’m sorry,” Gordo said again. “Ed and Kelly are fine. I promise.”

Karen took another deep breath and nodded. “You should know better than to show up on the doorstep of an astronaut’s wife, saying everything’s not okay.”

Gordo offered a wry smile, feeling a little guilty. He hadn’t even considered that she would think he was there because something had happened to her husband or daughter.

But then Karen let out a short, relieved laugh. “Okay, so, if it’s not Ed or Kelly, what’s going on?”

“It’s Danny,” Gordo said.

“What happened?” Karen asked, her brow knitting together.

“He’s okay,” Gordo said. “Physically. He’s just…” Gordo shook his head. “He’s a mess, Karen.”

Karen’s lips parted as though to speak, but then she pressed them together and lowered her gaze. She looked embarrassed, and Gordo could tell that she hadn’t been expecting him to bring up Danny with her.

She hesitated and then asked, “Would you like to come inside?”

Gordo shook his head. “I won’t be long.”

“Okay,” Karen said, eyeing him with a furrowed brow again. She stepped out onto the stoop and closed the front door behind her.

“Tracy and I,” Gordo began. “We went to see Danny yesterday. In Annapolis.”

“Oh,” Karen uttered.

“He’s not doing well, Karen.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I never meant to hurt him.”

“I know,” Gordo said. “I believe that.”

Karen nodded, sunlight reflecting off the tears in her eyes.

“But you did, Karen.”

“I know,” she said. “I didn’t know how he really felt until...after. And then it was too late.”

“But then you just brushed him off. Started ignoring him. Telling him to leave you alone.”

“It was all a little overwhelming,” Karen admitted. “And I wanted to fix things with Ed.”

Gordo nodded, watching her. “I get that,” Gordo said. “Believe me, I do.”

“But you’re not here just to tell me that you understand wanting to fix things with your spouse.”

“No,” Gordo admitted. He looked at Karen for a long moment before telling her what he really wanted to say. “Danny needs closure, Karen.”

Karen nodded, watching him but saying nothing.

“He needs to talk about what happened and why it happened. He needs to know why it’s over. And he needs to hear it from you.” Gordo paused, his chest tightening at the thought of Danny being so heartbroken over all of it. “He seems to think you’re mad at him or hate him or something.”

“No,” Karen said quickly, stepping off the porch onto the brick walkway. “Of course not. I don’t hate him. And I’m not mad at him.”

“Good.”

“I just—It happened, and, honestly, I thought it was just a one-time thing. Just a fling.” She averted her gaze and closed her eyes, shaking her head. She looked embarrassed again. “I just…” She opened her eyes, staring out at the driveway where Gordo had parked his Corvette. “I was just so surprised that he was in so deep. I didn’t realize that he had such strong feelings. He wanted me to leave Ed and go away with him.” She took a deep breath, exhaling audibly. “It freaked me out a bit, how strongly he felt. I had had no idea. And I—I didn’t want that. I wanted to be with Ed.” She looked at Gordo then, saying, “I want to be with Ed.”

Gordo nodded. “I get that.” His own reasons for cheating on Tracy weren’t the same as Karen’s reasons for cheating on Ed. But he understood the rift that could form between husband and wife. And he understood how that rift could continue to expand until it felt impossible to bridge the growing gap in one’s marriage. Gordo regretted every moment that he had been unfaithful to Tracy, and he could see that Karen regretted being unfaithful to Ed too.

“I didn’t know he was having so much trouble,” Karen said.

“He can’t concentrate at school,” Gordo said. “He already has work to catch up on because he was home for so long after what happened with me and Tracy at Jamestown.”

“It’s good they let him have that leave time.”

“It is. But now he’s back, and he can’t focus.” Gordo held her gaze as he said, “He is heartbroken, Karen. And I know you can’t undo that…” He trailed off and sighed quietly. “But you can talk to him. You can give him some kind of closure about what happened.”

Karen nodded. She took a deep breath and then softly said, “I will, Gordo.”

“Thank you.”

Karen offered a small, wry smile and nodded.

Gordo nodded too and then turned to head back to his Corvette in the driveway.

“Gordo,” Karen called after him.

He stopped halfway to his car and turned to look at her.

“Do you hate me now?” she asked. “For what I did?”

Gordo hesitated and then shook his head. “I’m in no position to judge.”

She smiled a little. Before he could turn towards his car again, she said, “Neither am I, but…” She trailed off, and he waited for her to finish. “I hope you treat Tracy right this time.”

“This time?” he asked.

“She’s living with you, right?”

He nodded. “But we’re not together.”

Karen smiled, giving him a look like he was being naive. “Right.”

Gordo didn’t know what that look meant. It sounded as though Karen thought that he and Tracy were getting back together. He wondered what would have given her that idea. He wondered if Tracy had said something to Karen to lead her to believe that.

But Gordo didn’t ask. Instead, he turned around and walked to his car. He opened the driver’s side door, but before he got in, he called, “Hey, Karen.”

She stood half inside and half outside the open front door as she turned to look at him again. “Yes?”

“When you talk to Danny, can you keep this conversation between us?”

She smiled wryly. “Of course.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

Karen disappeared into the house as Gordo got behind the wheel of his Corvette and backed out of the driveway.

Chapter Text

It was Friday evening, a few hours after Gordo had gone to talk to Karen about Danny. Now, Gordo was seated in a booth at The Outpost, waiting for Dani to arrive.

When she walked into the bar, smiled when she saw him, saying, “Hi, Bob.”

“Hi, Bob,” Gordo replied with a grin.

He got to his feet as she approached, and the two of them hugged before sliding into opposite sides of the booth.

“Drinks are on me,” Gordo began. “So order whatever and however many you like.”

“Oh, really?” she said, lifting her eyebrows. “What’s the occasion?”

Gordo smiled, recalling his conversation with Tracy on the moon. “When I first woke up in the med bay at Jamestown, I asked Tracy about the Russians. You know, if they were still on the base.” He paused, holding Dani’s gaze. “She told me that they had left...because of what you did.”

Dani offered a small smile, averting her gaze for a moment. Gordo had already known ahead of time that she wouldn’t want to accept any credit for what she had done on her last mission.

“They left when they did because of you. Me and Tracy—We were able to get help in time because of that.” He paused, smiling a little. “Anyway, I told Tracy that I would have to buy you a few drinks as a thank you. I know I owe you a hell of a lot more than that, but...maybe it’s a start.”

“You don’t owe me anything, Gordo.”

“I disagree,” he said with a smile.

Dani shook her head. “I didn’t go through with the handshake to be owed,” she said. “By anyone. And especially not by one of my closest friends.”

“I know,” Gordo said. “But I just want you to know how grateful I am for it. For what you did.”

Dani held his gaze for a moment before smiling and humbly saying, “Thank you for saying that.”

Gordo smiled and nodded. “You’re welcome.” Then, he said, “So, how about a drink?”

Dani returned the smile. “Sounds good. Especially since you’re buying.”

He chuckled and flagged down the server, and they ordered shots and beers.

“So, how are things?” Dani asked after they had toasted their first shots. “How are you feeling?”

“Good,” Gordo said. “Trace and I are both healing up nicely.”

“That’s such a relief,” Dani said. “I’m glad you’re both doing well.”

“Yeah. Tracy, though—She and Sam split. I don’t know if you heard.”

Dani nodded. “I did, yeah. How’s she doing?”

“She’s okay. Just working through it. She’s staying with me and Jimmy for now.” He paused before adding, “Ed and Kelly are too.”

“Oh, wow. So, hold on. Tracy is living with you now?”

He nodded.

She narrowed her eyes at him, giving him a knowing look. “Are you two…?”

“No,” he said. “Not yet, anyway. I don’t know if we will get back together. She’s still working through everything with Sam.”

“Uh-huh,” Dani said. “But you want to get back together?”

Gordo’s small smile turned into a wide grin. “Of course.”

Dani smiled. “Well, I wish you luck.”

Gordo chuckled. “Thanks.”

“And Ed and Kelly are staying there too?”

“Yeah. Since Monday.”

“So, I take it the two of you worked through your issues?”

Gordo smirked. “Yeah. We’re good.”

“I’m glad. I was hoping you two would make up at the medals ceremony. It looked like you had, but I hadn’t heard anything since.”

Gordo nodded. “Yeah, we talked. And then we took up a couple of jets at Ellington after the ceremony.”

“Was that your first flight since returning home?”

“Yeah.” Gordo recalled what had happened during the flight, and he told Dani about all of it – about his panic attack and everything that had happened after. He also told her about resuming therapy sessions with a new psychiatrist.

“You were so anxious before the mission,” Dani said. “I was worried about you.”

“Me too, honestly.”

“I mean, I knew you could do it. I just wasn’t sure if you knew you could do it.”

Gordo chuckled softly. “I wasn’t sure either, for a while. But I turned a corner.”

“I’m so glad to hear that.”

“Thanks,” he said with a smile. “So, how are things with you?”

“Good,” she said. “Just getting back into the swing of things at work.”

“What do they have you working on?”

“CAPCOM for Jamestown right now.”

“Oh, good. Trace and I should be joining you there on Monday.”

Dani smiled. “I heard. It will be good working together again.”

Gordo smiled back. “You never did get back there, like you wanted. Jamestown.”

“That’s true,” she agreed. “But I was happier with my mission.”

“First time as commander,” Gordo said, lifting his beer. “That’s huge.”

“Thanks.” She smiled, clinking her glass against his. “I wouldn’t mind going back to Jamestown someday, though.”

“Yeah?”

She nodded. “What was it like?” she asked. Then, quickly, she added, “You know, before everything...happened.”

“I was excited,” Gordo said with a quiet chuckle. “To be back there. When Ed assigned me to Jamestown 91, I wasn’t excited at all. I was terrified. But I found a way to work through that fear, and by the time I got back to the moon, I was okay – happy, even – to be there.”

“I’m so glad, Gordo,” Dani said with a small smile. “I know how anxious you were to go back.”

Gordo nodded. “I hardly recognized the base,” he continued. “It’s massive now. And there are so many astronauts up there.” He thought about the first time he had been up there – with Dani and Ed – and how small the base had been back then. “Our base – from when you, me, and Ed were up there – is the galley now.”

“How was it, being back in there – in the old base?”

“Honestly?” Gordo began, and Dani gave a small nod. “I couldn’t go in at first.”

“Really?”

“Nick – one of the other astronauts – was showing me around. We walked by the galley, and he was just going on and on about our mission and what it must have been like for us back then.” He paused, lowering his voice a little. “All I could think about was how I’d lost my mind in that room. About fighting with you and Ed. About you breaking your arm.”

Dani nodded, watching him closely and letting him continue.

“It took the rest of the day for me to work up the courage to step foot in the galley. I waited until late, when it was empty, and then I eased myself back into the old base.”

“How was that?” Dani asked gently.

Gordo took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Then, he offered a small smile and said, “It was okay. I was okay. Being in there alone made it easier. It was almost like it was mine again, in a way, if that makes sense.”

Dani nodded her understanding.

“I could imagine myself in there, like it was 1974 again. And it wasn’t like the bad memories disappeared, but it was like I was able to remember all of the good things about it too – the three of us bonding, watching Bob Newhart together and then acting it out, you saving my career.” He paused, letting the memories wash over him. “Suddenly, it all didn’t feel so bad. Or so scary.”

“I’m so glad, Gordo,” Dani said softly. “I’m proud of you for facing that fear.”

Gordo smiled gently. “Thanks.” He held her gaze for a long moment before saying what was on his mind. “I know you won’t accept the credit, but I owe it all to you. Going back to Jamestown, being able to fix the reactor – that was all because of you.”

“Gordo,” she said gently.

“No, it was,” he insisted. “I lost my mind at Jamestown in seventy-four. Ed was going to tell Houston what happened and send us back home. The shrinks would have had a field day with me. I probably would have ended up in the nut house.” He shook his head, still holding Dani’s gaze. “My career would have been over. I never would have flown again.” He paused before adding, “I was messed up after Jamestown. I know you know that. And then things with Tracy fell apart. I was a mess, Dani. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I hadn’t been able to fly for all those years.” He took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. “Flying,” he continued, letting out a small chuckle. “It’s what kept me sane. And that’s all thanks to you, Dani. Really.”

She looked at him for a long moment. He could tell she was reluctant to accept the credit. She just offered a smile and said, “Thank you for saying that. I’m just glad you’re doing better now.”

“Not a day goes by that I’m not grateful for what you did for me back then.” He took another deep breath. “And even more so now. If you hadn’t done that back then, I never would have returned to Jamestown. Tracy and I wouldn’t have been in the galley to access the airlock. We wouldn’t have been able to get a hold of NASA on the old NASCOM system. We wouldn’t have known that the reactor was melting down, and we wouldn’t have been able to fix it together.”

He paused to take a pull from his beer. Dani’s eyes were on him, but she said nothing, as though she knew he wasn’t finished.

Gordo continued. “Maybe Tracy would have still been at Jamestown. Maybe she would have contacted NASA, and maybe she would have fixed the reactor on her own.” He paused. “But then she wouldn’t be here. We almost didn’t make it when there were two of us. There was no way that either of us could have fixed the coolant system and made it back to the airlock on our own.” He held Dani’s gaze for a long moment before saying, “You did that, Dani. Saving the moon—That was your doing.”

Dani exhaled softly and shook her head. “I helped you back then, sure. You were going through a rough patch, and I was more than happy to help you keep your career.”

“And my sanity,” Gordo interjected with a smirk.

“And that. But what you did at Jamestown this last time – what you and Tracy both did – that was all you two.”

“We were the ones doing it,” he agreed. “But you made it possible. You and Ed, both. You saved me back then. And he saved me a few months earlier when he assigned me Jamestown 91 and helped pulled me up out of my spiral.” He chuckled dryly. “He doesn’t see it that way either, though. After what happened – after Tracy and I nearly died – he feels guilty for sending us back. I keep telling him that he saved me by sending me back there. By giving me a renewed sense of purpose. You both saved me, Dani.”

He paused, looking at her. She smiled.

“My Defense Distinguished Service Medal,” he continued. “My Medal of Honor.” He held Dani’s gaze for a long moment before smiling and saying, “I owe those to you.”

“Thank you, Gordo,” she said gently. “I don’t think I can take that much credit, though. I may have helped you along the way, but you did the hard work. The real work. Just because I helped you back in seventy-four – just because Ed helped you out of your spiral and sent you back up there – that doesn’t mean we’re responsible. You and Tracy are the ones who chose to save the moon. You’re the ones who risked your lives, your families, to save everyone else up there. That was a choice the two of you made. No matter how you got there. No matter what happened in the past. You two made that decision in the moment.”

“Me and Tracy—We just did what needed to be done. If we hadn’t, everyone would have died anyway, us included. It wasn’t really a risk to go out there. It had to be done, or no one was going to survive.”

“But you did it,” Dani said. “You made the decision to do it, and you did it. You didn’t have to. No one else was able to.” She paused before firmly saying, “You deserve those medals, Gordo. You deserve way more than that for what you two did up there. All the lives you saved. The future of space exploration. You two did that. No one else. So, Ed and I—We may have given you a nudge to stay on track over the years, but you and Tracy are the heroes.” She leaned forward with her forearms on the tabletop and stared hard into his eyes. In an even, steadfast tone, she said, “Don’t you forget that.”

Not about to argue with her, Gordo smiled, feeling touched and humbled. “Thank you, Dani.”

She gave a single, final nod, as though satisfied that he was no longer going to give away the credit for what he and Tracy had done at Jamestown. He didn’t fully agree with her. He would always be grateful to her for saving his career and sanity in 1974, and he would always attribute his actions at Jamestown in 1983 to her having saved him back then. But she didn’t want the credit, and Gordo had said what he needed to say.

“You know,” Dani began, sitting back in her seat again. She took a drink of her beer and then set it down again, smiling at him. “You could probably do anything you want now.”

“What do you mean?” Gordo asked.

“You and Tracy are global heroes,” she reminded him. “You didn’t just save Jamestown. You saved Zvezda too and all the astronauts there. You saved the future of space travel.”

Gordo offered a small smile, lowering his gaze. He didn’t think of himself that way, and it humbled him to hear it.

“All I’m saying,” Dani continued, “is that you two can probably write your own tickets from here on out. Whatever you want to do at NASA in the future—It’s probably completely up to you.”

“Huh,” Gordo uttered. He hadn’t considered that. Even though he didn’t think of himself as a hero – he was just doing what needed to be done – he knew that the rest of the world didn’t share his opinion. They shared Dani’s. They shared Ed’s. They shared the President of the United States’s opinion that he and Tracy were heroes to the entire world.

But Gordo had been too focused on other things – healing, making sure his kids were okay, getting into a normal routine, dealing with his mental health, reconnecting with Tracy – to consider what his reputed “hero” status might allow him to do in the future.

“Just think about it,” Dani said. “If you want to go back to space in the future,” she began, smiling broadly. Then, she floated an idea, pointedly saying, “Mars.”

He looked at her, his stomach clenching a little. From nerves or excitement – or both – he wasn’t sure.

She nodded at him, still smiling. “Not only could you be on the first mission to Mars…”

He held her gaze, waiting for her to continue.

“You could command the mission,” Dani continued. “Gordo, you could be the first person to set foot on Mars.”

Despite not thinking of himself as a hero, he knew she was right about the world thinking of him and Tracy that way. And the more Dani talked, the more he realized that what he and Tracy had done on the moon would probably open some huge doors for them.

Suddenly, he knew that Dani was right about the Mars mission, and it both terrified and thrilled him.

Chapter Text

“I just feel like we’ve been in a really bad place for a long time,” Karen said. “And I feel like we need a little help getting back on the right path with our marriage.”

Ed stared out the window of the marriage counselor’s office. He was seated beside Karen on the black faux leather couch, his left forearm resting on the armrest beside him. He didn’t want to be there. But Karen wanted him to be there, so he was.

“How do you feel about that, Ed?” Dr. Ripley asked.

“Hmm?” Ed looked at her.

Dr. Ripley was an attractive brunette woman in her fifties. She wore a navy blue button-down blouse and black pants, and a pair of wire-rimmed glasses that gave her what Ed always thought of as an “intellectual” look.

“How do you feel about what Karen has just said?”

“She feels like we need help, so…that’s what we’re here to do, I guess.”

“Do you agree?” Dr. Ripley asked. “That your marriage needs help?”

Ed shifted in his seat. He rubbed both palms over his thighs. He was still in his work attire – black pants and a white dress shirt – but he had loosened his tie.

“Sure,” Ed said finally. “If she’s not happy, then I guess maybe we do.”

“Are you happy?” Dr. Ripley asked. She sat with her legs crossed in a chair across from the couch. A wooden coffee table sat between them.

“Right now?” Ed asked. He wanted to tell her that, no, he was not happy. He didn’t want to be there. He felt like counseling was a waste of time, and he didn’t feel like airing all of their dirty marital laundry to a complete stranger.

A hint of a smile played on the doctor’s lips. She could probably see right through him.

“In your marriage,” she clarified.

Ed hesitated. Of course he wasn’t happy. Karen had cheated on him. And with his best friend’s son, of all people. But he didn’t want to open up that can of worms. He didn’t want to blow things up and start another argument.

“We’re just in a rough patch,” he said.

“Okay,” Dr. Ripley said. Then, she turned her attention to Karen. “Would you agree with that, Karen?”

“I don’t know that that’s what I’d call it,” Karen said.

“What would you call it?”

“I don’t know. But I think it’s more than that. More than just a rough patch.”

“Okay,” the doctor said. “Can you explain what you mean?”

“I feel like we’ve been drifting apart for a long time.”

Ed took a deep breath, letting it out audibly. Dr. Ripley glanced at him but returned her attention to Karen.

“It’s like we just don’t talk anymore.”

“We talk,” Ed said.

“No, we don’t,” Karen said. “Not anymore.”

“What do you mean? We talk every day. And as a family.”

“Sure,” Karen said. “About dinner. Or about Kelly’s schooling. Or about your work. But not about us, Ed.”

“Well, if you thought we needed to talk about us, then why didn’t you say something?”

“Because,” Karen said. “We’ve been over this. You’re impossible to talk to, Ed. You blow up at every little thing. If someone doesn’t agree with you, you just dig your heels in, and that’s it. You don’t hear anything else after that.”

“That’s not true.”

“It’s completely true.”

“Okay,” Dr. Ripley said, raising her voice just enough to be heard over their arguing. “Let’s just take a beat. And then we’ll go back to taking turns talking and listening. All right?”

Karen took a deep breath and composed herself. “Okay.”

Ed was still seething. He didn’t want to be there. He didn’t want to fight with Karen. He found himself on his feet before he had even made the conscious decision to stand up. Then, he was walking towards the door.

“Ed,” Karen said.

He stopped halfway to the door and turned just enough to look at his wife. “This is…” He shook his head, unsure exactly what he felt like it was. Then, he walked the rest of the way to the door.

“Really?” Karen demanded from behind him. “You’re just going to leave?”

Ed opened the door and walked through, closing it behind him. He didn’t know where to go. He knew he could leave. He wouldn’t even be leaving Karen to fend for herself because they had driven to Dr. Ripley’s office separately.

But something stopped him. Instead, he found the restroom and went inside. It was a single-person restroom, so Ed locked the door and braced himself against the porcelain sink, looking at himself in the mirror above it.

Something told him that if he left right then, it was over between him and Karen. Or, at least, it would be much harder to recover from. Ed didn’t want to go to counseling. He wanted Karen and himself to work things out on their own. But going to counseling was what Karen wanted. It was what she thought they needed. And he knew that it was probably the only way to fix things between them in her eyes. If he stormed out of their very first couple’s counseling session, he wasn’t sure Karen would give him another chance.

And then he remembered what Gordo had told him – that he would be a fool not to do everything in his power to make his marriage work. Gordo hadn’t done everything in his power to make his own marriage work, and he had spent half a decade without Tracy because of it.

Ed took a few deep breaths, allowing them to calm him. Then, he pushed off the sink and exited the restroom. He walked down the hall to Dr. Ripley’s office and hesitated before finally entering.

“Welcome back, Ed,” Dr. Ripley said as he re-entered the room. She smiled softly at him as though she had expected him to return all along.

Karen scoffed.

Ed closed the door but remained next to it.

“Come have a seat,” Dr. Ripley suggested. “We can pick up where we left off, if you’d like.”

Ed looked at Karen. The look she gave him wasn’t exactly angry but frustrated and maybe a little annoyed. Ed walked back over to the couch. As he passed between the couch and the coffee table, he paused to look down at Karen.

Softly, he said, “I’m sorry.”

She looked up at him, studying him for a moment before giving a small nod.

When Ed was seated beside Karen again on the couch, Dr. Ripley spoke. “I understand how difficult this can be. Opening up when you’re not used to it can be overwhelming. It can be overwhelming even when you are used to it.”

“See, this is what I’m talking about, though,” Karen said. “When the conversation doesn’t go his way, he just…” She waved a hand towards the door. “He leaves.”

Dr. Ripley nodded slowly. “I understand that can be frustrating,” she said. “Especially when you’re in the middle of a conversation.”

“Exactly,” Karen said.

“But let’s also remember that Ed came back.”

Ed looked at her. She was clearly frustrated and wouldn’t look at him. But then she took a deep breath and nodded.

“That is true.”

“Ed, why did you come back in?”

Ed rubbed his palms over his thighs, staring at the coffee table because it seemed like neutral territory. “Because Karen wants this.”

“Couple’s counseling.”

Ed nodded.

“How about you?” Dr. Ripley asked him. “Do you want to go to couple’s counseling?”

Ed glanced Karen’s direction without actually looking at her. Quietly, he said, “No.”

“Why not?”

“Because we’ve gone our entire marriage without needing this. And now, suddenly, she wants to share our issues with a complete stranger.”

“But you’re doing it because you say Karen wants to. Why?”

“Because I want our marriage to work. And if this is the only way to do it, then…” He waved a hand but trailed off.

“How do you feel about what Ed is saying, Karen?”

“I mean, I knew he didn’t want to come,” Karen responded. “Not at first anyway. But then he agreed, so I thought he was on board.”

“I am,” Ed said. “I’m here. I came. I haven’t left yet.”

“Yet,” Karen emphasized.

“I’m not going to leave,” Ed assured her.

“Well, I’m glad to hear it.”

Silence hung between them for a moment before Dr. Ripley said, “Let’s go back to what you were saying, Karen, about feeling like the two of you don’t talk anymore about your marriage. Do you feel like you used to talk about those things?”

“Yes,” Karen said. “At least, more than we do now. It always felt like we were on the same page.”

“And now, how does it feel?”

“It feels like—Like we’re not even in the same book anymore. Or maybe not even the same library.”

Ed exhaled sharply but kept his thoughts to himself for the time being, despite how difficult he found it to keep quiet.

“When did you first notice that you felt like you couldn’t talk about your relationship?”

“I don’t know,” Karen said. “I remember we had an argument a while back. I don’t even remember what the argument was about, but I remember feeling like it never got resolved. I remember feeling like I couldn’t talk to you, Ed, about how I was really feeling.”

“Ed,” Dr. Ripley said. “How do you feel about what Karen is saying?”

Ed shook his head. He thought it was bullshit, but he knew he couldn’t say that. Dr. Ripley would think it was too “confrontational.”

“Do you agree or disagree?” Dr. Ripley prodded.

“I disagree,” he said.

“Okay. Why is that?”

“Because I’m the same person I’ve always been. We talk as much as we always did. I’m not the one who changed.”

“What do you mean, Ed?” Dr. Ripley asked.

Ed sighed. “Do we have to do this?”

“I know it’s difficult,” Dr. Ripley said. “And it can make us feel vulnerable. A lot of us are not used to feeling that way. But it’s just the three of us in here, and no one is judging. We all want your relationship to succeed.”

Ed shifted in his seat, but her words were oddly comforting. No one else would know what was said in their session. No one would judge anything he said. He wondered how Gordo had done it – how he had let himself be vulnerable enough to open up to Dr. Marsten nine years ago, and how he was doing it again now. Ed had never been good at that.

“Ed, you said you’re not the one who changed,” Dr. Ripley prodded. “What did you mean by that?”

“I just—I feel like Karen is the one who changed.”

“How so?”

“She just…” He sighed and scratched at the back of his head. He looked at Karen who was watching him curiously. She seemed interested in what he was feeling. “After Shane,” he said gently. “You changed.”

She nodded.

“Karen, you’re nodding. Do you agree with what Ed is saying?”

She continued to look at Ed. She nodded again and then whispered, “Yes.”

“How so?” the doctor asked. “How did you change?”

Karen sniffled quietly, and Ed felt a little guilty for bringing up Shane.

“Shane was our son,” Karen explained to Dr. Ripley. “He...passed away nine years ago.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” the doctor said gently.

“Thanks,” Karen said. She lowered her gaze to her lap, rubbing her hands together absently. “Before that, there was a group of us…” She chuckled wryly. “Astronauts’ wives. We would get together for launches and such. There were so many rules.” Karen paused. “After Shane...I didn’t care about any of that. I saw how superficial it all was – being the perfect wife. The perfect house wife. The perfect astronaut’s wife.” She shook her head. “I realized that all that perfection was ridiculous. And it wasn’t real.” She looked at Ed again. “I stopped caring about what wasn’t real and started caring more about what was.”

Karen’s eyes were filled with tears, and Ed’s chest constricted at the sight. He knew the astronaut wives had some kind of strict rule-abiding community, but he hadn’t realized just how Karen had felt about it.

“Anyway, I started doing the things I wanted to do,” Karen said. “Being the person I wanted to be. Maybe I did change. Because eventually it felt like you still expected me to be the dutiful housewife, agreeing with you and doing everything I could to make your life as an astronaut as easy as possible.”

“I never expected that from you,” Ed said quietly. “Even before Shane…”

“You never wanted me to go to The Outpost,” Karen pointed out. “You always acted like it was some sacred space for astronauts only.”

“Is that why you bought it?” Ed asked, genuinely curious.

“Maybe,” Karen said. “On some level.”

Ed watched her for a moment. “It wasn’t that I didn’t want you there. I just—Wives never came there. It was just this sort of hangout spot for astronauts. I wasn’t intentionally trying to exclude you, Karen.”

“Well, that’s good to know,” Karen said. “Now.”

“Karen,” Dr. Ripley began. “You agreed that you changed after Shane’s passing, right?”

“Yeah,” Karen said. “I guess I did.”

“Is it possible that Ed wasn’t communicating with you less? But maybe that you wanted him to communicate more because you had changed?”

Karen’s gaze slowly drifted away from the doctor as though she were mulling that over. “Maybe,” she said finally. “Yes.”

“Ed,” Dr. Ripley began. “You said earlier that you feel like you talk about your relationship just as much as you always did.”

Ed nodded. “I do, but…”

“But what?” the doctor prodded.

Ed looked at Karen. “But maybe it was never enough.”

Karen nodded her agreement.

“Maybe we should’ve talked about it more. I don’t know. We just—We got into this routine in our marriage. Everything sort of revolved around my career, and I thought…” Ed looked at Karen, searching her eyes. “I thought you were okay with that. I guess I didn’t realize you weren’t.”

“I was,” Karen said. “At first. At least, I thought I was. I thought that was who I was supposed to be – the dutiful, responsible housewife.” She paused. “But after Shane, all of that changed for me.”

“I didn’t realize that,” Ed said. “I’m sorry. I—I should’ve realized. I should’ve noticed.”

“I mean, you did change things up, though,” Karen pointed out. “You stopped taking missions. You were home every night.”

“I wanted to be there,” Ed said. “For you and Kelly.”

“I know you did. And I was grateful for that, I really was.”

“But?”

“But it still felt like there was this wall between us in a way. Like we weren’t talking about it. You decided to stay home and stop taking missions, but we never really discussed it at all. It was just the way it was. It was the new normal.”

“Ed,” Dr. Ripley said.

He looked at her.

“Do you find it difficult to talk to Karen about your relationship?”

Ed shifted on the couch and then nodded.

“Have you always felt that way?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “Not really. I mean—I thought we talked about us enough back then. I didn’t really realize something was wrong until recently. Until…”

“Until what?” the doctor prodded.

Ed looked at Karen. Her cheating on him hadn’t come up with Dr. Ripley yet, and Ed didn’t want to throw Karen under the bus by mentioning her infidelity before she was ready.

“Until I cheated on you,” Karen said, bringing it up instead. “Right?”

Ed hesitated but then nodded.

“When did this happen?” Dr. Ripley asked gently.

“A month or so ago,” Karen said.

“Would you like to talk more about that?” the doctor asked.

Ed stared down at the coffee table in front of him, but he could feel Karen’s eyes on him.

“I don’t know,” Karen said. “It’s been a really...sore subject. As I’m sure you can understand.”

“Of course,” Dr. Ripley said. “But it also appears to be a major conflict between you two.”

Karen took a deep breath and then told Dr. Ripley all about her infidelity. A couple of times, Ed’s muscles twitched because he wanted to jump up and leave again, but he forced himself to stay. He did stand up though and begin pacing in front of the windows. He thought Dr. Ripley might ask him to sit down, but she didn’t. She just let him pace.

When Karen had finished telling their counselor all about how she had been unfaithful – and why – Dr. Ripley asked, “Ed, would you like to respond or add to what Karen just shared?”

Ed stopped pacing and folded his arms, staring out the window. “Just that the person she slept with...was my best friend’s son.” Ed tried to keep the snark out of his voice. He hoped he was successful. He didn’t want to add fuel to the fire, but the fact that Karen had slept with Danny Stevens was a major point of contention for him.

“And my best friend’s son,” Karen added gently.

“And our son’s best friend,” Ed added with a shake of his head. He didn’t look at Karen. Or Dr. Ripley. He doubted their counselor would show surprise, but he didn’t want to find out.

“This is just one person,” Karen said. She explained that their family and the Stevens family had been close over the years and that their sons had been best friends. She quickly added that Danny was now an adult and that he and Karen had become friends working together at The Outpost.

“I see,” Dr. Ripley said, no surprise in her voice. Just understanding. “This is a great starting point,” she added. “A lot of couples don’t share this much during their very first session, so it is great that you two have gotten all of this out in the open today.”

They wrapped up their session a few minutes later. Dr. Ripley seemed pleased with their progress, which made Karen smile, seemingly pleased as well.

After Ed walked Karen out to her car in the parking lot, they stopped and she leaned back against the driver’s side door, looking up at him.

He was sure she was going to chastise him for walking out of their session, but instead, she said, “Thank you for doing this, Ed. And thanks for not leaving when you wanted to earlier. I know this is hard for you.”

Ed took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as he nodded a little. “You’re welcome.”

As much as he had dreaded their session, and as difficult as it had been while in the middle of it, he also recognized that they were communicating better. Karen had shared some things that Ed hadn’t realized, and he felt like he understood her point of view a little better. He hadn’t moved past the cheating, but he had hope that maybe, sometime in the future, he could.

Chapter Text

“Thanks for looking after Jimmy while we were gone,” Gordo said. He and Ed had left the house after dinner and were leisurely walking down the sidewalk alongside Gordo’s street.

“Of course, buddy. Like I told you before, you don’t have to thank me for that.”

Gordo offered a small smile, watching the road ahead as headlights approached. As the vehicle neared, Gordo recognized it as one of his neighbors’.

“He’s a good kid,” Ed said.

“Thanks. Yeah, he must have gotten that from his mom.” Gordo chuckled. “I was a hell raiser as a kid.”

Ed laughed too. “Just as a kid?”

“Okay.” Gordo grinned. “Pretty much my whole life. I don’t know how I ended up with such a well-behaved son. Jimmy—He’s way more mellow than I ever was. Danny, though—Danny’s a lot more like me.”

Ed smirked. “Yeah, I can tell.”

Gordo looked at Ed as they walked side-by-side down the sidewalk. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Ed looked at him, and he must have realized how it sounded because he opened his mouth to speak but then pressed his lips together again. After a few moments, Ed finally said, “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“You sure?”

“Yes. I just meant that I can see more of you in Danny than I can in Jimmy. Danny’s more outgoing and confident, like you. Jimmy seems a lot more reserved and quiet.”

Gordo nodded. Satisfied that Ed wasn’t making a dig at his son, he returned his focus to the path ahead.

“So, how was the trip?” Ed asked.

“Uh.” Gordo took a deep breath, letting it out heavily. “Sad,” he said honestly. “But good.”

“Are you glad you went?”

Gordo nodded. He was glad they had gone. He was glad that he and Tracy had gone together. He was glad they had gotten to visit Danny. And he was glad for what had happened in the hotel room in Arlington, even if it had complicated things between him and Tracy a little bit. But he wouldn’t tell Ed about that part.

“It feels a little more real now, I guess,” Gordo said.

“What does?”

“That they’re gone,” Gordo explained. “Jon and Vance.”

“Yeah,” Ed whispered.

“I don’t know how to explain it,” Gordo began. “This feeling…”

“Grief?” Ed suggested.

Gordo shook his head. “Not exactly. It’s just—Me and Tracy… We almost died up there, you know? But knowing that Vance and Jon did die, and that Trace and I were so close to it ourselves…” He trailed off, not sure how to finish. He didn’t look at Ed, but he could feel his friend’s eyes on him. “It’s a relief,” Gordo said. “Even more than that, though. Thinking about how close we came to dying—It takes my breath away sometimes when I think about it.” He glanced at Ed, wondering what he thought about that.

Ed just watched him, nodding a little. “I get it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He was quiet for a long moment before adding, “After I was shot down in Korea, it felt sort of like that.”

“Right,” Gordo said softly. He knew the story, but he hadn’t thought to compare it to his own.

“I lost a buddy there. I remember that feeling you’re describing. Like…‘It could have been me.’”

“Yeah,” Gordo said. “Exactly. There’s this relief that it wasn’t us, but…”

“But guilt that it was someone else who died instead.”

Gordo nodded, watching Ed. He returned his gaze to the road, whispering, “Yeah.”

They walked for a few silent moments before Ed asked, “How did your therapy session go the other day?”

“Good, I guess.”

“You guess?”

“It was good. It was just—I remember that same feeling the first few times I went to Dr. Marsten.”

“What feeling?”

“Just this, I don’t know… This worry. That NASA will find out.”

“They can’t say anything, though, right? I mean, your psychiatrist can’t tell NASA anything you say, right?”

“Right,” Gordo said. “It’s just hard to open up about it.”

“Yeah,” Ed said. “I get that.”

Gordo glanced at him. “Right. How was your first couple’s counseling session?”

Ed scoffed and then let out a heavy sigh.

“Not good?” Gordo asked.

Ed shrugged. “Like you said, it’s hard to open up.”

“Yeah.”

“But it’s what Karen wants, so…”

Gordo nodded, thinking about Tracy. About how he was trying to give her what she wanted: time. He didn’t know what was going to happen between them, and he was afraid that Tracy would decide that she didn’t want to give them another chance. Gordo knew he would be heartbroken if that happened, but he also knew that he would have to figure out a way to move forward from that loss again.

“I hear you’re coming back to work next week,” Ed said, pulling Gordo from his thoughts.

“Yeah. Me and Tracy, both.”

“Are you ready for that?”

“Sort of,” Gordo said honestly. “I’m ready to do something again. To have some kind of purpose. But…”

“But what?”

“But I’m a little nervous about working as CAPCOM for Jamestown after what happened.”

“Yeah,” Ed said softly. Then, he clapped Gordo on the back a couple of times, saying, “You got this, buddy.”

Chapter Text

Gordo stood in the bedroom in a white tank top and a pair of shorts. He usually slept in his underwear and always had when he and Tracy were married. But since Tracy had begun staying there again and sleeping next to him, he had added the shorts, hoping to make her feel more comfortable beside him.

“You were gone most of the day,” Tracy said, throwing back the comforter and crawling into bed.

“Yeah, I’m getting a little…”

“Cabin fever?” Tracy asked when he trailed off.

He nodded, reminded of his first mission at Jamestown, when he, Dani, and Ed had spent a hundred and forty-five days up there together. At least now, back on earth, he could get outside and go places without needing a spacesuit.

“Me too,” Tracy admitted. “It will be good to get back to work.”

“Yeah,” Gordo uttered. He was ready for that too. “I, uh…” He stood next to the bed, absently rubbing his thumb and forefinger together. He hadn’t told Tracy about visiting Karen, and he wasn’t sure how she would take it.

Tracy looked at him curiously from where she was seated on the bed, leaning back against the headboard with her legs beneath the blanket.

“I went to see Karen,” Gordo confessed.

Tracy furrowed her brow. “Why?”

“Because of Danny,” Gordo said.

“What, um—What did you say?”

“I asked her to talk to him. To give him some kind of closure.”

“Oh,” Tracy uttered, letting her gaze wander.

Gordo wondered what she was thinking, but he waited for her to process.

Finally, she said, “I think that’s a good idea.”

“Yeah?” Gordo asked.

She nodded and looked up at him again. “He needs it. He’s just so...lost right now.”

“He is. I hope it helps, though,” Gordo said. “I’m a little worried that it’ll set him back even more, but…” Gordo sighed softly, crawling into bed beside Tracy. “I can’t stand to see him so heartbroken over this.”

“I know. And hopefully it will help having Karen talk to him. If Karen knows how messed up Danny is right now, I think she’ll be a little gentler with him.”

“That’s my hope.”

Tracy smiled gently, taking Gordo’s hand. “You did the right thing.”

“Thanks,” Gordo said, squeezing her hand.

“What else did you do today?” Tracy asked. “No way you were at Karen’s all that time.”

Gordo smirked. “No. That conversation took about five minutes. I met up with Dani afterwards.”

“Oh,” Tracy said. “How is she?”

“Good.” Gordo smiled. “You know Dani.”

“I do. Always the optimist.”

Gordo nodded. “I bought us some drinks, and we talked about what happened at Jamestown.”

“How was that?” Tracy asked gently.

“I told her that my ability to do what I did up there was entirely due to her. To what she did for me back in seventy-four.”

Tracy watched him closely.

“She didn’t want the credit, though,” Gordo said with a light chuckle. “She said that it was all us.”

Tracy smiled. “Of course, she would say that.”

“Yeah. I mean, it was all you,” Gordo said. “If you hadn’t gone with me…”

Tracy shook her head. “We did it together. And we only did what had to be done.”

“Yeah, that’s what I told her. If we hadn’t fixed the coolant system, everyone would have died anyway. We only did what needed to be done.” He paused before reiterating, “And she’s the reason that I was there to do it.”

“I don’t know,” Tracy said. “I mean, what she did for you back in seventy-four was so amazing and selfless.”

“Exactly. She risked her own career to help me.”

“She did,” Tracy agreed. “But you’re the one who clawed your way back this year and went back to Jamestown in the best frame of mind I’ve seen you in for a long time.”

“So you’re not going to let me give Dani credit either,” Gordo said with a smirk.

Tracy chuckled softly. “No, Gordo. Not all of it.”

He smiled. “Well, thanks for saying all that.”

“I mean it.” She paused before continuing. “When you first told me you were going back to the moon, I was…” She trailed off, shaking her head.

“Shocked?” he asked. He remembered how she had laughed when he had told her the news.

“To put it mildly,” she said. “Not because I didn’t think you could do it. Of course you could. You had done it before, and you had taken other missions to space. I knew you could do it if you wanted to. It just…” She trailed off, staring absently across the room. “You hadn’t seemed like you wanted to for such a long time. I honestly thought you were done with going to space.”

“You laughed at me when I told you,” he reminded her.

She looked at him, offering a small, sheepish smile. “That was just me trying to get a rise out of you because you took my keys.”

He chuckled. “We do have a way of antagonizing each other, don’t we?”

“We did,” she said. “Hopefully not so much anymore.”

He nodded, looking at her. He let his gaze fall to her lips but then quickly met her eyes again.

“I’m proud of you, Gordo,” she said softly, holding his gaze.

He searched her eyes, feeling warmth swell in his chest. “Thanks,” he whispered. He leaned in, kissing her gently on the cheek. “I’m proud of you too.”

She studied him, and he wondered if she would chastise him for the kiss – that it was crossing the line between them – but she didn’t. Instead, she smiled and whispered back, “Thank you.”

Gordo held her gaze for a long moment. He wanted so badly to be with her again. But he wouldn’t push it. She wanted time – needed time – and he understood that. He was going to behave. He was going to let her come to him whenever she was ready.

“I need to get my stuff,” she said after several seconds.

“What stuff?”

“From Sam’s.”

“Oh.” The mention of Sam while Gordo had been thinking about Tracy and him back together had jarred him a little. “Okay.”

She exhaled heavily. “I really don’t want to. Maybe I can go when he’s at work.”

“Or I can go,” Gordo offered.

Tracy eyed him doubtfully. “Why would you want to do that?”

“So you don’t have to,” he said honestly. He imagined how difficult and uncomfortable it would be to return to Sam’s house and have to engage with him while gathering her belongings.

She studied him for a moment. “You really want to do that so I don’t have to?”

He shrugged. “It will be less awkward for me.”

She nodded a little, but he could tell that it was in acknowledgment of what he was saying rather than agreement to let him go to Sam’s.

“It’s up to you,” Gordo said. “But I’m more than happy to go do that for you.”

“Happy?” she asked, giving him a suspicious look.

“Willing,” he corrected.

She smirked. “Are you just volunteering so that you can go rub it in Sam’s face that he no longer has me?”

“No,” Gordo said honestly. “I just thought it would be difficult for you to go back there.” He grinned. “But now that you mention it…”

“Gordo,” Tracy chastised.

He chuckled. “I’m kidding. I wouldn’t do that.”

She eyed him dubiously. “Right.”

He smiled. “I won’t. I’ll just pick up your stuff and leave.”

Tracy sighed heavily again. “If you’re really okay with it,” she began, “I’d appreciate it.”

He nodded. “I’ll go tomorrow.”

“Why don’t you take Jimmy with you too? It will get him out of the house.”

“Will do.”

Chapter Text

“My dad wants me to talk to my mom,” Kelly said.

Jimmy sat cross-legged on the floor of his bedroom. Kelly sat across from him the same way.

“Do you not want to?” he asked.

She shrugged. “I just—I can’t get over what she did. My dad was so upset. I feel like I’d be betraying him by forgiving her.”

“Aren’t they going to couple’s counseling now?”

She nodded.

“That’s good,” Jimmy said. It was something his own parents had never even tried before their divorce. “If your dad wants you to talk to her, though…” He trailed off and shrugged before continuing. “You wouldn’t be betraying him.”

“I guess,” she uttered. “I just don’t know what she could possibly say that will make this okay.”

“What she did had nothing to do with you, though,” Jimmy offered. He knew all too well that what was going on with parents often had nothing at all to do with their children. He had experienced that for most of his life. “Or how she feels about you.”

Kelly looked at him. “So, you think I should make up with her?”

He shrugged. He knew it wasn’t an easy thing, and he didn’t want Kelly to think he was taking sides or anything like that.

“You do,” Kelly said. “Right?”

Jimmy hesitated but then said, “Yeah. I think you should.”

“Why?” Kelly asked, looking at him with genuine curiosity.

Jimmy thought about his own parents. He didn’t often fight with them, but he knew that sometimes he could be a little snarky or standoffish. At least, before they had returned to earth.

“Because you never know what might happen,” he said.

Kelly gave him a knowing look and nodded slowly.

“I almost lost both of my parents at the same time,” Jimmy continued. “If we had been in the middle of a fight, I don’t know if I could’ve forgiven myself for that.”

“Yeah,” Kelly said softly, lowering her gaze to her fidgeting hands in her lap. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I should at least talk to her.”

Jimmy nodded.

“I’m still so mad at her, though.”

“Yeah.”

“And Danny too.” She looked at Jimmy then.

He offered a wry smile. “He feels horrible about it.”

“Good,” Kelly said and then smirked.

Jimmy smiled gently. “He never meant to hurt anyone,” he said, recalling the conversation he had had with his brother a few days earlier. “He just…”

“He just, what?”

Jimmy shrugged. “He has feelings for her, and he acted on those.”

“You sound like you’re defending both of them,” Kelly said.

Jimmy could hear the irritation in her voice, and he felt badly that he was upsetting his friend. “I’m not defending what they did…”

“But?” Kelly prompted.

“But you care about both of them, right?” Jimmy asked.

“Of course,” Kelly said quietly.

“They made a mistake,” Jimmy said. “They’re just human.”

“That’s a simple way of putting it.”

“Maybe. But she’s your mom. And Danny—He’s one of your best friends. I’m not saying what they did didn’t hurt people. I know it did, but...I don’t think that was their intention. And I know that Danny feels like shit about it.”

“Really?”

Jimmy nodded. “He hates that he hurt you.”

Kelly sighed softly. “I went to talk to him at The Outpost last week.” She frowned. “I really let him have it about what he had done to our family. How he had hurt my dad...and me.”

“That’s okay,” Jimmy assured her.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have.”

Jimmy shook his head. “No. Just because he didn’t mean to hurt you doesn’t mean you weren’t hurt.” He shrugged. “It’s okay that you let him know that.”

Kelly smiled a little. “Thanks, Jimmy.”

He smiled back.

A knock came at the door. Before Jimmy could respond, Mr. Baldwin was saying, “Kelly? You in there?”

“Yeah, Dad,” Kelly answered.

The door opened, and Mr. Baldwin looked back and forth between the two of them seated on the floor. His focus stopped on Jimmy, and his expression was steely.

Jimmy offered a small smile. “Hi, Mr. Baldwin.”

“Jimmy.” Then, Mr. Baldwin shifted his focus to Kelly. “I went to your bedroom, and you weren’t there.”

“Yeah. We’re just hanging out,” Kelly said. “What’s going on?”

“Leave the door open, please,” Mr. Baldwin said.

“Dad, seriously?”

“Yes. If you’re both in a room alone together, the door stays open. Got it?”

Kelly rolled her eyes and looked and Jimmy, shaking her head a little.

But Jimmy looked at her dad, saying, “Yes, Mr. Baldwin. Of course.”

“Thank you,” Mr. Baldwin said, his tone a little softer than moments before. He left the room, leaving Jimmy’s bedroom door open about ten inches.

“Oh my gosh,” Kelly muttered. “I’m so sorry.”

Jimmy shrugged. “It’s okay. We’re not doing anything anyway. Just talking. So, what does it matter if the door is open?”

“I guess it doesn’t. It’s just embarrassing.”

“He just wants to protect you.”

“I know, but...from you?”

Jimmy shrugged.

“I don’t even want to think about what he’ll be like when I start going out with someone.” Kelly let out a groan, covering her face with her hands.

Jimmy offered a small, wry smile, feeling an unfamiliar pang in his stomach. He didn’t know what it meant. Before he had time to figure it out, another knock came at the door.

“Hey,” Jimmy’s dad said, pushing the door open a little more. “How are you two doing?”

“Good,” Jimmy said.

“Hi, Mr. Stevens,” Kelly said.

Jimmy’s dad smirked, but he didn’t tell her to call him “Gordo” again. “Hey, Kelly.” Then, he looked at Jimmy and asked, “You about ready to go?”

Jimmy nodded. “About ten minutes?”

“Sounds good. I’ll meet you at the car.”

“Are we taking the Corvette?”

“I’d love to, but we need more space for the boxes, so we’ll take the Caprice.”

“Okay.”

It made sense, but Jimmy had always loved his dad’s Corvette. And, nowadays, riding in it always reminded him of when he was little, going for summer rides with his dad. Top down. Wind whipping against his face. He hoped they would do that again soon. A few weeks earlier, he hadn’t been sure he would get that chance.

“Okay. See you out there,” his dad said. He disappeared from the doorway, leaving the door open.

“Where are you going?” Kelly asked.

“Sam’s,” Jimmy said. “My mom left a lot of her stuff there, so we’re going to go pick it up for her.”

“Oh,” Kelly said. “That’s nice of you two to do for her.” She sighed softly, saying, “I’m still so upset with my mom, but…I do miss how close we used to be.” She looked at Jimmy, adding, “Maybe I will go visit her.”

Jimmy smiled gently. “I think that’s a good idea.”

Chapter Text

Kelly got out of a cab at the end of the driveway. She walked towards the front door, noting that her mom’s car was in front of the garage. She stepped up onto the red-brick front stoop and put her hand on the doorknob. She hesitated before opening it, wondering if she should knock instead. But it was still her home, and she knew her mom would insist she come and go as she pleased, just like she always had. So, she turned the knob and went inside.

As she entered, Kelly smelled vegetable soup and followed the aroma to the kitchen. Her mom stood at the stove, stirring the contents of a pot with a wooden spoon.

Kelly watched her for a moment, her eyes stinging with tears. She wasn’t sure where the flood of emotions had come from, but her chest swelled with the desire to hug her mom.

“Hi, Mom,” Kelly said softly.

Her mom flinched and then whipped around to face Kelly. Her lips parted as her own eyes glistened with tears.

“Hi, Kelly.” Her mom smiled, looking her over. “How are you? Are you—Are you okay?” She quickly set down the wooden spoon and closed the gap between them.

“I’m okay,” Kelly said.

Her mom nodded, smiling softly at her. She raised her hands as though to grab Kelly and pull her into a hug, but she didn’t. Instead, she asked, “May I?”

Kelly nodded.

Her mom stepped closer and wrapped her arms around Kelly, embracing her. The hug was firm but also gentle. Kelly hugged her mom the same way.

When they parted, her mom held her gently at arm’s length. “Is everything all right?”

“Yes. I just—I wanted to come see you.”

Her mom smiled at that. “I’m so glad you did. Are you hungry? I made soup.”

“Sure,” Kelly said.

Her mom smiled more and then got two bowls from the cabinet and filled them both with soup. She carried them to the kitchen table and invited Kelly over.

As they sat down, Kelly’s mom just watched Kelly as she ate a couple spoonfuls of soup. “What?” Kelly asked gently, suddenly feeling a little self-conscious about being watched.

“Nothing. I’m just—I’m glad you’re here.” Softly, she added, “I’ve missed you, Kelly.”

Kelly offered a small smile. “I’ve missed you too,” she found herself saying – and meaning.

“How is it at the Stevenses’?”

“It’s good. Mr. and Mrs. Stevens have been very welcoming.”

Karen smiled. “That’s good. I’m glad. They’re—They’re really good people, Kelly.”

“I know.”

Karen nodded. “I know you do.”

She continued to watch Kelly. She didn’t say much, and Kelly assumed that her mom didn’t want to say anything to upset Kelly or drive her away. She could tell her mom was happy to have her there, but Kelly wanted to talk about what had happened.

They made small talk until they had both finished their bowls of soup, and then, Kelly began, “The reason I came over…”

“Yes?” her mom encouraged.

“I just—I wanted to talk about what happened. I want to know why, Mom.” She watched her mom, searching her face.

Her mom looked a little sad. A little ashamed. Kelly felt badly for bringing it up, but she didn’t think she could get past it or move forward without having that difficult conversation.

Her mom sighed softly and looked out the sliding glass door by the kitchen table. Kelly was sure she was going to give some vague answer or tell Kelly that she didn’t need to concern herself with it.

But then she returned her focus to Kelly, saying, “It wasn’t something I planned.”

Kelly nodded, letting her mom continue.

“I’ve just been feeling...I don’t know.”

“What?” Kelly urged gently. “What have you been feeling?”

“I love your father,” her mom said. “But sometimes I don’t feel very connected to him.”

“Oh,” Kelly uttered.

“And sometimes it’s like we’re just not on the same page about things.”

“About what things?”

“About us. Our marriage.”

“How so?”

Kelly’s mom took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Then, she said, “You know when your dad and Mr. Stevens were supposed to be headed down to the cape, but instead, your dad ended up having to eject over the gulf?”

Kelly nodded, frowning. It was one of the most stressful nights she had had to endure.

“Things like that,” her mom said. “Your father’s job is dangerous. We know that. And I signed up for that years ago. But…” Her mom stared somewhere past Kelly, at nothing in particular. “But what he did that day was reckless, Kelly.” She met Kelly’s eyes again. “He went up there, doing something dangerous and—and risky, just for fun.” She paused, watching Kelly and letting that part sink in before continuing. “He nearly died for no reason at all. We almost lost him for nothing, and I just—I couldn’t handle that. Something in me sort of snapped.”

“So, you—You cheated on Dad because he was being reckless?” Kelly asked calmly. She was trying to keep the accusation from her voice. She truly wanted to know her mom’s reasoning.

“Of course not,” Kelly’s mom said. “Not exactly. I mean, that was sort of the last straw for me, I guess. It was the thing that made me really realize that your dad and I just aren’t on the same page. We don’t communicate like we should. And I know I’m partly to blame for that. I should have tried harder to discuss things with him, I know that.”

“But…?”

“But your father can be difficult to talk to.”

Kelly nodded. She understood that. He had gotten better over the years, but sometimes Kelly hesitated to tell him things because she wasn’t sure how he would react. But that hardly ever kept her from talking to him about them anyway.

“But I thought that was what we did,” Kelly said. “I thought we were the family that talked about things. Even when they’re difficult.”

Kelly’s mom nodded, looking at her with wide, sad eyes. “We do. Most of the time. Especially where you’re concerned.” She paused before adding, “I guess he and I haven’t really been pulling our weight with each other.”

“So, how—How did that end up with you and Danny…?” Kelly asked, not wanting to finish the rest of that sentence.

Her mom then explained to her how she had been feeling lately. That she realized, despite owning and running The Outpost, that she was still mostly living for Kelly’s dad’s world. That she wasn’t doing things for herself. That she wasn’t living her own life. And that she wanted to start trying.

She had been upset about Kelly’s dad being reckless. And she felt like he wasn’t really seeing her anymore as she truly was deep down inside.

“But then, there was Danny,” her mom said. “He was complimenting me and seeing me, and I just—It felt good to have someone seeing who I really am, you know?” She paused and sighed softly. “But I didn’t plan for it to happen. I had never even thought of Danny that way before. And I certainly didn’t realize how he felt about me.”

Kelly sighed, lowering her gaze. She hadn’t either until she had confronted Danny at The Outpost about what he had done.

“It was a mistake, Kelly,” her mom said. “I know I can’t take it back, and I will regret that for the rest of my life.” She paused. “And I do regret it.”

“Why?” Kelly asked.

“Partly because of Danny. His feelings were so much stronger than I ever realized, and I know that I really hurt him by ending things.” She frowned. “That never would have happened if I had told him no to begin with.”

Kelly nodded, processing everything her mom was saying. Finally, she said, “If you had told him no.” She looked at her mom. “Does that mean he was the one who started it?”

Her mom offered a small, wry smile and then nodded. “He kissed me one night. At The Outpost.” She told Kelly how she hadn’t been expecting that. She hadn’t realized Danny’s feelings, and when he had done that, she had told him that he couldn’t. She had tried to ignore it, but Danny hadn’t been able to let it go, and they had ended up discussing it again several nights later, which was what had led to her being unfaithful to Kelly’s dad.

“But mostly I regret it because I love your father,” her mom said. “And he is the only man I want to be with.”

Kelly smiled gently. “So, are you still planning to go to school?”

“Yes,” her mom said. “But not because I don’t want to be here or with your father. But because I want to do something for myself for a change.”

“You should,” Kelly said gently.

Her mom smiled. “Yeah?”

Kelly nodded.

Her mom reached out and placed her hand on top of Kelly’s which rested on the table.

“So, is counseling helping you two?” Kelly asked.

“I don’t know yet,” her mom said. “But I’m hoping it will.”

“I’m surprised Dad agreed to go at all,” Kelly said. She couldn’t imagine him opening up about his feelings to a complete stranger.

“Your father wants to make this work as much as I do, and he’s really trying. We both are.”

“I’m glad,” Kelly said.

Her mom smiled gently. “So am I.” She patted Kelly’s hand. “And I’m even more glad that you came to see me today.”

Coming to see her mom that day was not what Kelly had planned when first waking up that morning. But Jimmy had talked her into it. And as upset as Kelly was about what had happened between her mom and Danny, she wanted things to go back to normal between her and her mom. She knew things weren’t quite there yet, but she felt hopeful about the future of their relationship.

Kelly smiled back, saying, “Me too.”

Chapter Text

Sam busied himself in his home office. Tracy had called that morning to ask if her belongings could be picked up later in the day. Sam hoped that she would stop by herself, but her wording had made him think otherwise.

Can I have my stuff picked up today? Tracy had asked.

Of course, Sam had said.

He wanted to talk with Tracy, but he understood her need for some time. She had been through a lot on the moon – more than any person should ever have to go through. And now, with the two of them staring down the barrel of an impending divorce, he assumed that she was completely overwhelmed. He didn’t want to make it any more difficult for her.

Sam still loved Tracy. Their marriage hadn’t been long, and maybe they hadn’t spent enough time together trying to make it work, but he loved his wife. And it wasn’t because she was famous. It wasn’t because she was an astronaut or because of the missions she had taken. He loved her because she was fierce and independent. He loved her strong will and that beneath her tough exterior, she was also kind-hearted and sensitive.

Sam knew who Tracy was deep down, but he wasn’t sure she understood that. He knew she didn’t need expensive cars or a diamond engagement ring the size of her fist, but Sam had the means to offer those things to her. Maybe he had done it too much. Maybe she had mistaken his desire to spoil her for buying her affection. That hadn’t been his intention at all, and he wondered if he had gone too far with it.

But then he thought about Gordo. Sam liked Gordo. Or, at least, he had, up until Gordo had come to Sam’s house, telling him that he was going to get Tracy back.

At the time, Sam hadn’t been worried. At all. He really hadn’t. Gordo had had his chance with Tracy years earlier, and he had blown it. He seemed like a good guy to Sam, but Sam knew how Gordo had been while married to Tracy. He had lied to her and cheated on her. He hadn’t always supported her in her career, and Sam knew that that was a deal-breaker for Tracy. She would never be with someone again who wasn’t on her side and who didn’t have her back and encourage her to do the things she wanted to do.

Sam had always encouraged her. He had his own career, and Tracy had hers. Sam had always been there to support Tracy with whatever she was doing and whatever she wanted to do. And Sam thought that the fact that Gordo hadn’t done that for Tracy during their marriage gave Sam a huge leg up on him.

But then Jamestown happened. Sam didn’t know exactly what had been said up there – nor did he want to – but he knew that Tracy and Gordo had had a heart-to-heart about their past. Some things had been said, and those things had gotten into Tracy’s head. And then Tracy and Gordo had nearly died up there together.

At first, Sam had thought that whatever Tracy was feeling for Gordo again would go away. He thought that the two of them were feeling close to one another again because of what had happened on the moon. He thought they were sharing their trauma and that, eventually, they would move past it and Tracy would come back to him.

But now, he wasn’t so sure. After their conversation days earlier, she had assured Sam that it wasn’t just about her and Gordo nearly dying together. It was more than that. Whatever he had said to her at Jamestown before that had made her reconsider her feelings for both Gordo and Sam.

Sam hated Gordo for that. Granted, Gordo had given him fair warning. But Sam wasn’t convinced that Gordo had changed.

Over the past few days, Sam had resigned himself to the fact that maybe Tracy felt as though she had jumped into their marriage together and that perhaps she was re-thinking that decision.

But then Gordo had shown up on the moon, getting into Tracy’s head, and Sam didn’t know how genuine Gordo really was. Sam couldn’t stand the thought of Tracy going back to him only for Gordo to break her heart all over again. Sam could deal with Tracy not wanting to be with him. He hated it, but he could deal with it, as long as it was really her decision and what she truly wanted. But Sam couldn’t deal with Gordo possibly luring Tracy back with false promises and lies of having changed.

He hoped that wasn’t the case. He was a firm believer in second – and third and fourth – chances. People made mistakes, and people could change. He understood that. He just hoped that Gordo truly had changed, for Tracy’s sake.

Sam sighed and set down his pen. He couldn’t concentrate for all the thoughts of Tracy and Gordo and their shared situation. He hated that Tracy’s possessions would be gone soon. He had already boxed up everything of hers days earlier, knowing she would come calling for her stuff eventually. He had hated doing it, but he had also hated looking at all of her belongings in the house, knowing she wasn’t there with him any longer.

He wondered where she was. At a friend’s? At a hotel? He hoped she was okay. He had barely gotten to spend time with her since her return from the moon. When he had first heard about what had happened up there, he had been terrified of losing her. Terrified that she would die on the moon and he would never see her again. He hadn’t even considered that she would recover, return to earth, and leave him.

He was glad she had returned to earth. He wanted to talk to her again, though. He wanted to see her again. He needed to find out if she still felt like she had days earlier, when she had decided to leave their home. He hoped she would change her mind and come back to him once she had had a chance to process everything.

In the meantime, he would give her the time and space she needed. And he had decided to try to make things easier by boxing up her belongings. He had hoped that she would pick up her things herself, but he fully expected to see hired movers instead.

So, when Sam heard the sound of an engine and looked out to see Gordo and Jimmy instead, he had been a little surprised.

He probably shouldn’t have been. He knew that. But he hadn’t expected Tracy to go back to Gordo immediately. Maybe she hadn’t, though. Maybe she really was staying with a friend or at a hotel, but she had just sent Gordo to pick up her things for her instead of coming herself.

Sam thought about letting his housekeeper answer the door and take care of sending Tracy’s boxes with Gordo. But Sam couldn’t do that. He needed to know how Tracy was doing. And, despite the ache in his chest, he needed to know if she and Gordo were back together again. He needed to know if he, Sam, still had a chance to get his wife back.

So, instead of letting his housekeeper answer the door, Sam did it himself. In fact, he opened the door before Gordo and Jimmy ever reached it.

“Hey, Gordo,” Sam said as Gordo and his son approached. “Hey, Jimmy.” A wave of sadness washed over him as he realized that the relationships he had just started to build with both Jimmy and Danny would most likely come to an end as well.

“Sam,” Gordo said.

Sam looked Gordo over. He was thin – much thinner than Sam had ever seen him – and significantly thinner than the last time Gordo had been at Sam’s house.

Sam wanted to tell him off. He wanted to hate him. But he couldn’t. Gordo had been through as much as Tracy had – even more, from what Sam had heard. They had both been close to dying, close to leaving their kids alone. And they had saved so many people in the process. The nation – hell, the world – lovingly called them heroes, and as much as Sam hated to admit it about Gordo, he agreed.

“Come on in,” Sam said, stepping aside to let them in.

“Thanks,” Gordo said, waving Jimmy inside first and then following.

Sam followed them both into the entryway and closed the door.

“Tracy said she called you this morning,” Gordo said.

“Yeah,” Sam said. “She asked if she could have her things picked up. I was hoping she would come herself, but…”

Gordo nodded, holding Sam’s gaze but not saying anything.

“I took the liberty of boxing everything up myself a few days ago,” Sam said. Then, he waved a hand towards the sitting room, and the three of them walked in there.

“Thanks for doing that,” Gordo said, eyeing the neatly stacked boxes near the drink table.

“You’re welcome.”

“Jimmy,” Gordo said, turning to his son. “You want to take a couple boxes out to the car?”

“Sure,” Jimmy said. He walked over to the stack and grabbed two boxes, one stacked on top of the other, and carried them out of the room.

Gordo waited until Jimmy had exited through the front door, and then he turned back to Sam. “Tracy wasn’t ready to come back yet.”

“You mean, she wasn’t ready to see me yet.”

Gordo nodded. “She’s still processing everything.”

“How is she?” Sam asked.

“She’s…good.”

“Really?”

Gordo hesitated and then shrugged. “Physically, she’s fine.”

“And otherwise?”

“She’s just...processing. We both are.”

Sam nodded. He couldn’t begin to fathom what the two of them had experienced on the moon. The physical trauma. The mental trauma. The fear of nearly dying. But he wished Tracy were still around to talk with him about it.

“We went to Arlington this week.”

“Arlington, Texas?” Sam asked, furrowing his brow in confusion.

“Virginia,” Gordo clarified. “To the cemetery.”

“Oh.”

“Trace and I—We made it back to earth, but…”

“Right,” Sam said. He had heard that a couple of other astronauts had not been so fortunate. “So, you knew them?”

“Yeah,” Gordo said. “I knew Jon. Tracy knew Vance.”

“Shit,” Sam muttered. “I’m sorry to hear that, Gordo.”

Gordo nodded and then he let out a quiet, wry chuckle. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this.”

“I get it,” Sam said with a shrug. “Tracy is going through a lot. She needs some time.”

“Yeah,” Gordo said. “I mean, she hasn’t said anything, but I think she fully intends to talk with you about everything again. She just wasn’t ready today.”

Sam nodded. He understood. He wanted to talk to Tracy, but he also didn’t want to rush her. He wanted to wait until she was ready to talk with him, but he wasn’t sure how long his patience would win out.

Gordo gave a short nod and then turned towards the boxes as Jimmy re-entered the room. They both grabbed a couple and headed outside.

Sam stayed where he was. He would let Gordo and Jimmy handle the boxes. Sam was an understanding man, and he had packed up everything of Tracy’s, but he didn’t want to be involved in physically moving Tracy’s stuff out of his house. It hurt enough watching Gordo and Jimmy do it.

After a few more trips out to the car, Jimmy returned to the room before Gordo.

“It’s good seeing you, Jimmy,” Sam said.

Jimmy looked at him and gave a small smile. “You too, Sam.”

“You know, you’re always welcome to come visit,” Sam said. “If you want. If your parents are okay with it.”

“Oh,” Jimmy said. “Thanks.”

“Just because your mom doesn’t live here anymore, doesn’t mean we have to cut all ties.”

“Yeah.” Jimmy smiled and nodded. “Okay.”

Sam smiled back. “I know we didn’t get a lot of time to really bond.”

“No, I know,” Jimmy said. “It sucks.”

Sam smiled, touched that Jimmy felt that way.

Gordo returned, looking back and forth between the two of them. Instead of asking what they were talking about, he turned to Jimmy. “Why don’t you take one of these boxes? I’ll get the other two, and we can get out of Sam’s hair.”

“Okay.”

“Bye, Jimmy,” Sam said, watching the kid as he picked up one of the boxes.

Jimmy let out a quiet grunt and adjusted the box in his arms. Then, he said, “Bye, Sam.”

When Jimmy was out the door, Gordo said, “Thanks again, Sam, for packing all of this up.”

“You’re welcome.”

Gordo walked over to the two remaining boxes and picked them up.

“Can I ask you something?” Sam said.

“Sure.”

Sam wasn’t entirely sure he wanted the answer, but he asked anyway. “Is Tracy living with you?”

Gordo met his gaze. He hesitated for a moment before nodding.

“Right,” Sam uttered. “I guess you were right all along, Gordo,” he said, walking with Gordo to the front door.

“About what?” Gordo asked, stopping in the entryway to look at Sam.

“About getting Tracy back.” Sam nodded. Then, he let out a wry chuckle, saying, “You won.”

Gordo looked at him for a long moment. He didn’t look triumphant or smug about his victory. He almost looked sad or uncertain.

They held each other’s gaze for a long moment before Gordo said, “Not yet, Sam.”

Sam’s stomach clenched at that. He assumed it meant that Gordo and Tracy were not actually together. Despite being glad about that, it didn’t offer Sam much relief because he knew that Tracy had feelings for Gordo. And he knew that she didn’t want to be with Sam while she felt that way about another man.

Soon, Sam thought as Gordo turned towards the door. Soon, you’ll have won.

Sam watched Gordo walk out the door and down the porch steps. He didn’t wait to see him reach the car before Sam closed the front door. Then, he walked back to the drink table in the sitting room and sighed, pouring himself a drink.

Chapter Text

Danny was in his dorm room when he got a call on his video comm. Not all of the midshipmen at the Naval Academy had them. In fact, Danny assumed he was probably the only one. But it had been allowed because of his parents both being astronauts. It was the only way he could communicate with them at school while they were in space.

It was after Danny’s classes but still an hour before dinner, and he assumed it was one of his parents – or possibly Jimmy – calling while they knew he had down time.

Danny answered, his heart leaping into his throat at the sight of Karen on the screen instead.

“Karen,” he said in an exhale. He pulled the chair out from the desk and sat down.

She offered a small smile. “Hey, Danny.”

Danny’s eyes stung, and he fought the threatening tears. “What…” He shook his head, unsure of what to say. He hadn’t expected Karen, of all people, to call him.

“How are you doing?” she asked as though she hadn’t spent the last couple of weeks completely ignoring him.

“I’m...okay,” he said. “Better now.”

“How’s school?”

“Fine. It’s…” He scanned Karen’s face. Her makeup was on – but she wore a lot less nowadays than she had when Danny was a kid. Her hair hung in loose waves in front of her shoulders. She looked like the same Karen he had fallen in love with. The same Karen he had slept with. “I’m just—I’m surprised to see you.”

“I know,” Karen said gently. “I’m sorry that I have been avoiding you.”

“So, why are you calling now?” he asked curiously. He didn’t know why she would suddenly want to speak with him after avoiding him for weeks.

“I just—I needed some time,” she said. “To process everything.”

“Oh,” he uttered. “And...how did that go?”

“Okay, I think,” Karen said. She hesitated for a few silent moments before adding, “But Danny…”

Danny swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. “Yes?”

“I meant what I said before,” Karen continued. “About not being able to be in a relationship with you.”

Danny lowered his gaze, his stomach tightening.

“But I am sorry I was so cold to you.”

“Thanks,” Danny said, staring at the Pinewood Derby car on his desk that he had brought from home. “So, are you going back to Ed, then?”

Karen hesitated but then nodded. “I still love him, Danny. And, honestly, I never should have done what I did with you. I’m not saying that to hurt you. That’s the last thing I want to do. But I did it for all the wrong reasons, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I hurt you.”

Danny reached out and absently rolled the Pinewood Derby car back and forth on his desk. “So, why did you do it?” he asked softly.

“I was unhappy. Things between me and Ed weren’t perfect, and I didn’t feel like I could talk to him about it. I should have, though. I should’ve talked to him instead of doing what I did.”

“But if you’re unhappy with him,” Danny began, “you shouldn’t force yourself to stay.”

“I’m not unhappy with him, though, Danny. I love Ed very much. I just don’t feel like we communicate as well as I’d like.”

“Right. And if you can’t talk to him about the things you want to, then...why stay?”

“We’re going to couple’s counseling,” Karen said. “We both want to fix things between us and try to make our marriage work.”

Danny’s eyes stung again, and his vision blurred with tears. He lowered his gaze again, hoping she wouldn’t see him crying. “I thought we had something.”

Karen sighed softly. But it wasn’t the exasperated sigh she had used the last time Danny had tried to talk to her about the two of them. It was more gentle. Maybe a little sympathetic, Danny thought.

“Don’t get me wrong,” Karen said. “I care about you, Danny. I really do. I always have. You’re such a sweet, kind, caring young man, and any woman would be lucky to be with you.”

“Just...not you,” Danny said.

“No, honey,” Karen said. “I don’t want to hurt you, but I have to be honest about how I feel.”

“But you slept with me,” Danny pointed out. “That must mean you feel something for me.”

“Danny,” Karen said gently. “Like I said, I do care about you. But when we...slept together, it was a moment. I had been upset recently, and in that moment, I felt seen. It felt good, and so I just went with it.”

“I do see you, Karen. You know that, right?”

Karen nodded gently. “I do. But when we did what we did, I didn’t realize how you felt about me. Not really. I thought we were just two friends living in a moment. It wasn’t until after, when you were asking me to run away with you, that I realized how you felt.” She paused before adding, “It scared me a little bit, Danny.”

Danny frowned, swiping a tear from his cheek. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You didn’t scare me. Just...the intensity of your feelings. The sudden realization that we felt so differently about each other.” Karen sighed softly again. “I didn’t handle it well, though. I know I just shut you out completely, and I didn’t mean to do that. I should’ve let you down more gently.”

Danny sighed too. “I didn’t really let you, though, did I?”

“It was an emotional night,” Karen said, not blaming him for it.

Danny appreciated that. “I’m sorry I kept hounding you about it.”

“It’s okay, Danny.”

“I just—I wanted to talk,” he admitted. “Like this. Like we are now.”

Karen nodded. “I know. And I should have talked to you sooner. Or at least told you I needed a little time before we could talk. I didn’t mean to ignore you so completely. I’m sorry for that.”

“Thanks.”

They sat in silence for a few moments. Danny absently rolled the Pinewood Derby car back and forth again.

“Can you accept this?” Karen asked gently after a few seconds.

“I don’t know,” Danny said honestly. “But I’ll try.” He looked at the screen again. “Can we still be friends?”

“Eventually,” Karen said. “I think it might be best to let things settle for a little while.”

Danny nodded.

“I just need to focus on my marriage right now,” Karen said. “And you need to focus on school.”

“Yeah,” Danny whispered. “I’ll do my best.”

“I really am sorry, Danny,” Karen said. “That I hurt you.”

“Thanks,” Danny uttered.

“Take care of yourself, okay?” Karen said.

Danny nodded.

“I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay,” Danny said. “Talk to you later.”

Karen offered a small smile before ending the call.

Danny sat staring at the black screen for several long moments until it began to blur from the tears forming in his eyes.

Chapter Text

Gordo returned home after a light jog. In all honesty, it was more of a brisk walk with a few bursts of light jogging peppered in. He was still frustrated with his lack of endurance, but he knew he had to keep working at it.

When he walked into the house, he went to his bedroom, and Tracy was seated on the edge of the bed. She looked up at him as he entered.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey. How was your jog?”

“Slow,” he said honestly. He could hear the frustration in his own voice. “It was more of a walk, really.”

“That’s okay,” Tracy said. “You’re doing great, Gordo.”

“Thanks.” He smiled gently. “What are you up to?”

She lifted one hand, and Gordo could see that she was holding her wedding ring between her thumb and forefinger.

He didn’t know what it meant, so he just watched her curiously, waiting for an explanation.

“Just thinking about Sam,” she admitted.

“Oh,” he uttered, nodding slowly. “Have you talked to him yet?”

She shook her head. “I’m thinking about it, though.”

“Okay,” he said. “When are you thinking about doing that?”

“I don’t know yet. I’ll have to work up the courage for that.” She smirked.

Gordo nodded. He knew Tracy’s conversation with Sam would have to happen eventually, but Gordo wasn’t looking forward to it. Honestly, he was afraid that she would realize she had made a mistake leaving Sam and would want to get back together. But Gordo wanted to be supportive, as difficult as he was finding it.

“Just take your time,” Gordo said. “There’s no rush. You can talk to him whenever you’re ready.”

“I know,” Tracy said quietly, fidgeting with the ring. After a few moments, she looked up at Gordo and asked, “How was it?”

“How was what?”

“Picking up my stuff yesterday. We didn’t really talk about it after you and Jimmy got back.”

“Oh,” Gordo uttered. “It was fine.”

“You didn’t…” She trailed off, but the question was clear.

“I behaved perfectly well,” Gordo said with a small smirk.

“Thanks.” Tracy smiled gently. “Did he...have anything to say?”

“Not a whole lot,” Gordo said, recalling how calm and cordial Sam had been. “He just seemed...sad,” Gordo said honestly. “I can’t blame him. I remember that feeling.” He paused before adding, “That feeling of losing you.”

“Ouch,” Tracy said.

“No,” Gordo said quickly. “That’s not—I’m not blaming you. It was completely my fault with you and me. But I know that feeling of losing you all too well.”

“Do you think it’s my fault with Sam?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you think it’s my fault that he’s so sad?”

Gordo shook his head. “Of course that’s not your fault. If you’re not entirely happy with him, then you shouldn’t be together.” Gordo’s stomach tensed. He hoped he wasn’t convincing her to not be with himself either.

But, in all honesty, if Tracy couldn’t be happy with Gordo, he wouldn’t want that for her either. He just wanted her to try again. He wanted both of them to try and make their relationship work again. Gordo was bound and determined to put all of his effort into making Tracy happy. He just hoped he could do that as Tracy’s partner again.

Tracy let out a short, sharp laugh. “It’s ridiculous.”

“What is?” Gordo asked, pulled from his thoughts.

“I became an astronaut. I’ve been on several missions to outer space. I’ve been to the moon. What we did up there last month was insane. I mean, running out on the surface of the moon without spacesuits?” She smirked, shaking her head. “We were nuts.”

Gordo nodded a little.

“I can do all of that,” she said. “But I can’t even talk to my husband.”

Gordo watched her for a long moment before softly saying, “You can, Trace.” He offered a small smile. “I know you. You can do anything you want to.”

Tracy looked down at the ring in her hand.

“I’ll be there with you if you want me to be. But I know you are fully capable of doing it on your own.” He walked over to her and gently put his hand against her cheek. She looked up at him with glistening eyes. “You’re the bravest person I know.”

Tracy smiled gently. “Thank you, Gordo.”

He smiled back and pressed his lips gently to the top of her head. “You got this, Trace.”

Chapter Text

“You ready for this?” Tracy asked.

Gordo took a deep breath, staring at the front of the Johnson Space Center building. He hadn’t stepped foot inside since before his Jamestown 91 launch.

“I honestly don’t know,” Gordo said.

He looked at Tracy who sat next to him in his Corvette. They had driven separately, but after rolling up in the parking lot, Gordo hadn’t gotten out of his car. Tracy had waited for him on the sidewalk for a few moments before joining him in his vehicle.

Tracy took his hand and offered a small smile. “You can do this.”

Gordo searched her eyes for a few moments before nodding a little. Even though he wasn’t fully ready, he wasn’t going to let that stop him from going inside.

She smiled, and they both got out of the car. They were dressed in their normal business attire – Gordo in a white button-down shirt with a black tie and black dress pants, and Tracy in a black pant suit.

They walked up to the front entrance together and went inside. A few people greeted them in the lobby and the corridors, smiling broadly and welcoming them back.

They wound their way through the building until they reached the mission control room. As they entered, they walked down the corridor along the side of the room. As they reached the end of the corridor and rounded the corner, the room erupted into cheers and applause.

“Oh my word,” Tracy said as she and Gordo stopped in their tracks.

The room was packed with people – far more people than were normally in mission control. It looked like half of JSC’s employees were in the room, applauding Gordo and Tracy, all wearing massive grins.

Gordo scanned their faces. He recognized most of the people in there, even if he didn’t know all of them by name. Then, he spotted Molly Cobb and Margo Madison. Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong. Aleida Rosales. Ellen Wilson. And then, finally, Ed and Dani. Ed wore his typical closed-mouth smile, and Dani beamed widely at the two of them.

“Okay, okay, all right,” Tracy said, stepping a few feet farther into the room.

But the applause didn’t die down. Tracy smiled at Gordo who smiled back at her. He wasn’t used to the attention. Despite it being a little unsettling, it was also touching and humbling.

Gordo nodded his acknowledgment of their praise and smiled, waiting for the cacophony to die down. When it finally started to, Molly stepped forward, out of the crowd. She walked over to Gordo and Tracy and smiled at them as she said, “Congratulations,” and shook each of their hands in turn.

Everyone’s eyes were still on them. Standing in front of them, Molly said loudly enough for the room to hear, “It’s been four weeks since the incident on the moon. Since the two of you saved Jamestown and Zvezda and the future of space travel.” Then, she turned to address the room. “Let’s welcome back our American heroes: Tracy and Gordo Stevens!”

The room erupted into applause again, and Gordo could feel an assault of aggressive butterflies in his stomach. Before his first mission to Jamestown, back in seventy-four, he would have eaten up all the attention. He would have basked in all the praise. But the last decade had humbled him, and it made him a little uncomfortable to be the center of all that attention.

But he smiled graciously and gave the room a wave, as did Tracy. Molly turned back to them with a smile.

“Thanks, Molly,” Gordo said, and they shook hands again.

Molly shook Tracy’s hand a second time as well, and then she addressed the room again. “All right. Enough of that. Get back to work, everyone.”

Gordo chuckled softly. As Gordo and Tracy walked deeper into the room, some of the crowd dispersed, and some stayed back to shake Gordo’s and Tracy’s hands and congratulate them on what they had accomplished on the moon.

Gordo and Tracy greeted everyone who approached them, despite the growing discomfort in Gordo’s stomach. After several minutes, the attention began to die down. Molly had left the room, but Margo called for everyone to get back to work.

Gordo and Tracy were shown to their work stations for Jamestown’s CAPCOM, and Gordo’s stomach clenched uncomfortably with nerves as he took his seat.

He was about to talk to Jamestown. He was about to be in contact with the place that had nearly killed him. As he picked up his headset, his hands shook.

“Welcome back, buddy boy.”

Gordo looked up to see Ed smiling down from where he leaned on the console. Dani was at his side.

“So good to have you back here,” Dani said, beaming.

“Thanks,” Gordo uttered.

Ed lowered his voice, asking, “You okay?”

Gordo nodded but looked down at his hands which were still shaking around the headset he held. He set it down and clenched his fists, hoping the shaking would stop.

“Gordo?” Tracy said from his left.

Out of the corner of his right eye, he could see Dani give Ed a concerned look.

“I’m okay,” Gordo said, but it had come out as a whisper and sounding like a question.

“Are you having a panic attack?” Tracy asked quietly.

Gordo nodded.

“Cover for him,” Ed said to Dani and Tracy. “Come on, buddy.” Ed stepped closer and put his hand on Gordo’s upper back.

Gordo stood up without question and let Ed lead him out of the mission control room. His breathing picked up as they walked through the door, and all he could hear was the sound of his panicked breath.

“Just breathe and walk with me,” Ed said.

Gordo didn’t respond. He just did as Ed said. Ed’s hand was still on Gordo’s back, leading him through the corridors of JSC. They reached the end of a hall and went through a door beneath an EXIT sign. When they were in the vacant courtyard, Gordo walked out to the middle of it and stopped.

His breath was still heavy and ragged, and he felt lightheaded. He doubled over with his hands on his knees. Ed moved his hand to Gordo’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

“Just breathe, buddy,” Ed said calmly.

Gordo took several more deep, shaky breaths, but white specks began to dance at the edges of his vision. He let out a soft whimper as his pulse pounded in his ears.

“Come on,” Ed said. “Let’s sit down.”

Gordo shook his head. He didn’t want to move.

“Let’s sit down before you fall down,” Ed urged, gently patting Gordo’s upper back. “Come on, buddy.”

Gordo let his friend usher him over to a concrete bench. Gordo sat down, and Ed took a seat beside him.

Gordo leaned forward with his forearms on his knees. He squeezed his eyes closed, trying to focus on nothing but his breath.

“Just take your time,” Ed said softly.

It seemed like forever, but Gordo’s breathing finally returned to normal. The muffled pounding in his ears ceased. And, even though his hands still shook when he raised them out in front of him, he felt a little calmer.

“You okay?” Ed asked.

“Getting there,” Gordo said.

“What happened? Was it all the people?”

Gordo shook his head. “Just...being back here. And then realizing I was about to talk to Jamestown for the first time since…”

Ed nodded.

Gordo exhaled heavily. “I hate this, Ed.”

Ed squeezed his shoulder. “I know you do.”

Gordo sat up straighter. He took a deep breath, letting it out in one long, heavy exhale.

“Do you want to head home?” Ed asked. “I’ll cover for you.”

Gordo shook his head. “No, I—I need to do this.”

“Okay. Do you think you can go back inside?” Ed asked.

Gordo nodded. “In a minute.”

“No rush. Take your time.”

“I have to get through this, Ed,” Gordo said in a desperate whisper. “I can’t let these panic attacks rule my life.”

“You will,” Ed assured him. “You’ll get through it.”

Gordo took a few more deep, calming breaths. He waited until his hands stopped shaking, and then he said, “Okay.”

Ed clapped him gently on the back. “Ready?”

Gordo nodded.

They both stood and re-entered JSC. Gordo’s stomach was unsettled, and he felt a little uncertain about commencing his CAPCOM duties, but he fought through it. As he and Ed re-entered mission control, Margo shot them a look. She said nothing, though, and Gordo wondered what Tracy and Dani had said to her when she had noticed Gordo missing.

He returned to his station and sat down.

“You okay?” Tracy asked.

“I am now,” Gordo said.

Dani watched him closely. “That’s good.”

“You got this, buddy,” Ed said, giving Gordo’s shoulder a light swat.

Gordo looked up at him. “Thanks, Ed.”

Ed smiled and nodded once. Then, he turned and left the mission control room.

Gordo took a deep breath and donned his headset.

Dani mouthed, “You ready?”

Gordo nodded.

Dani smiled and spoke into her headset. “Well, it looks like, along with Tracy Stevens, we have a second celebrity in our midst today.” She paused before adding, “Jamestown, say hello to Admiral Gordo Stevens.”

There was cheering on the other end. Gordo shook his head, feeling an upward tug at the corners of his mouth. He looked at Dani who smiled at him. And then he looked at Tracy who gave him a knowing, sympathetic look. He offered her a small smile, and she returned it.

“It’s an honor to have you and Tracy as CAPCOM, Admiral Stevens,” Commander Rossi said. “How have you been?”

Gordo’s stomach fluttered with nerves, and he took a deep, calming breath. He wasn’t sure he would ever feel fully comfortable talking to Jamestown, but he would embrace it. He wouldn’t run from it. He would take each moment as it came and deal with it in the best way he knew how.

Finally, Gordo answered, “Much better now that we’re back on earth.”

“I imagine so. Well, it’s good to have you back.”

“Thanks, Commander Rossi,” Gordo said. “It’s good to be back.”

He wasn’t sure he meant it. It didn’t feel good to be back. Not yet, anyway. But he knew it was good for him. Being CAPCOM for Jamestown would help him deal with what had happened to him up on the moon. And he hoped that it would help him move forward.

Chapter Text

“How was your first day back to work?” Dr. Ozarin asked.

Gordo was seated across from her in the same chair he had sat in during his first therapy session with her. The blinds on the windows were open, and Gordo wondered if she had done that for his sake.

“Okay,” he said.

She watched him closely. “Just ‘okay?’”

Gordo shrugged.

“What happened?” she asked gently.

He sighed softly. “I had a panic attack.”

“While at work?”

He nodded. “When we first got there. Everyone welcomed us back, and then I sat down to start work, and…” He trailed off, shaking his head.

“And, what?” Dr. Ozarin prodded.

“And my hands started shaking. My breathing was heavy and erratic. My pulse pounded in my ears.”

“What happened after that?”

“Ed took me outside.”

“Did that help?”

Gordo nodded. “But I felt like I was going to pass out before that.”

“What brought it on?”

“I don’t know,” Gordo said automatically. He looked out the window, watching the leaves gently wave in the breeze.

Dr. Ozarin waited him out.

“I was just—I guess I just realized that I was about to talk to Jamestown.”

“Okay,” she said. “And why did that make you panic?”

“Because I’m—I don’t know. Because I guess I’ve lost it.”

“You haven’t lost it, Gordo,” Dr. Ozarin said in a matter-of-fact tone. “You suffered a trauma. It wasn’t just physical. It was also mental and emotional. And just because you’re safe now, that doesn’t mean that you just ‘get over’ what happened up there.”

Gordo sighed, lowering his gaze to his hands in his lap. He rubbed his palms over his thighs.

“I just—Talking to Jamestown…” He trailed off and sighed. He gathered his thoughts before continuing. “It just reminds me of being up there, you know? I was talking to Commander Rossi. He was the commander when Tracy and I were up there. It just brought back those memories and those feelings of being sure I was going to die. That we were both going to die. Me and Tracy. That we were going to leave our kids alone.” Gordo’s voice broke, and he trailed off, his eyes stinging with tears. After a few more moments, he looked at Dr. Ozarin and asked, “Will these end? These panic attacks.”

“They may,” she said. “They may not.”

Gordo exhaled sharply, closing his eyes. That wasn’t what he wanted to hear.

“It is likely that once you have fully dealt with your trauma, that your panic attacks will go away.” She paused before adding, “But even if they don’t, Gordo, there are things you can do to help you through them.”

“Like what?”

“Breathing techniques. Focusing techniques. I’ll teach them to you,” she said. “They may not stop your panic attacks from happening, but they may make them shorter or less intense.”

Gordo nodded. “How do you do them?”

“When you start to feel the panic coming on, you can try focusing on something else. I understand that isn’t easy to do, so instead of trying to randomly focus on something out of the blue, I want you to focus on your senses. Think about what you can taste, smell, feel, hear, and see. And then, I want you to say one thing you can taste, two things you can smell, three things you can feel, four things you can hear, and five things you can see.”

“Okay,” Gordo said, trying to process the information.

“As you name each thing, give it as much detail as you can. If you can hear a bird chirping, describe what the chirp sounds like. The more detail you can use to describe each thing, the more your mind will focus on those things rather than on your panicky feelings.”

Gordo nodded. “All right.”

“You said your breathing was heavy and erratic during this last panic attack. Is that typically the case?”

“Yeah. I always feel like I’m hyperventilating,” Gordo said honestly. “And it makes me lightheaded.”

Dr. Ozarin nodded. “That is common of panic attacks. So, I would like for you to also try a breathing technique.”

“Okay.”

“It’s a simple concept. All you have to do is inhale for seven seconds, hold your breath for seven seconds, and then exhale for seven seconds. And repeat it as many times as you need.”

“Sounds easy enough.”

Dr. Ozarin offered a small smile. “It is simple,” she said. “But not always easy. Especially when you’re in the middle of a panic attack. It may take a few attempts to be able to do it properly.”

Gordo nodded. “Got it.”

“Try out one or the other the next time you start to have a panic attack. If you can do both at the same time, even better. That will really shift your focus and will probably help mitigate the symptoms of your panic attack.”

Gordo took a deep breath. Letting it out slowly and quietly, he said, “I’ll give it a shot.”

Chapter Text

It was after five in the evening on Tuesday when a call came through on the video comm. Jimmy had arrived home more than an hour earlier and had already finished most of his homework. His mom and Kelly were home, but his dad and Ed hadn’t arrived yet. He wondered if they had gone out for drinks or something after work.

Jimmy answered the video comm to see Danny on the other end.

“Hey,” Jimmy said.

“Hey,” Danny replied. It was well before dinner at the Naval Academy, and he was still in his khaki service uniform.

“How’s it going?” Jimmy asked.

“Okay,” Danny said.

Their mom joined Jimmy in the living room. “Hey, baby,” she said, pulling up a stool beside Jimmy. “I thought I heard this thing ring.”

“Hey, Mom,” Danny said.

“How are you doing?” she asked.

Jimmy could hear the concern in her voice. He hadn’t heard what had transpired at Annapolis, but Jimmy assumed it had something to do with what had happened with Karen.

“Fine,” Danny said softly. “How are you guys? How’s everything there?”

“We’re good,” their mom said. “Your dad and I are back to work.”

“That’s good,” Danny said. “You went back yesterday, right?”

“Yeah, we did.”

“How was it?”

“It was...fine,” she said hesitantly.

Jimmy looked at her. “Why’d you say it like that?” he asked.

His mom looked at him, offering a small smile. “It was fine,” she said more assuredly. “We’re just adjusting because we’ve been away from it for so long.”

Jimmy watched her for a long moment, wondering if that was really all it was.

But his mom didn’t continue. Instead, she changed the subject, which made Jimmy wonder about it even more.

“How’s school?” their mom asked Danny. “Focusing any better?”

“Yeah,” Danny said. “A little bit.”

“That’s good.”

“Um,” Danny uttered, lowering his gaze from the video comm. “I talked to Karen a couple days ago.”

“Really?” Jimmy said.

“How did that go?” their mom asked Danny.

“Okay,” Danny said. “I mean, she called me, wanting to talk, so that was good.”

“Did it help?” their mom asked.

“I don’t know,” Danny said. “I think so. At least, a little bit. I’m still just…” He trailed off and shrugged a little.

“Processing?” their mom asked.

“Yeah,” Danny said. “I guess.”

“It’ll take some time,” she said. “But that’s good that she called. Hopefully that will give you the closure you need.”

“I hope so.”

There was a knock at the front door then.

“I’ll get it,” their mom said. “You stay here with your brother.” She patted Jimmy on the shoulder and then left the room.

“So, how was the conversation with Karen?” Jimmy asked.

“It was all right,” Danny said.

“Just ‘all right?’”

“Yeah. I mean...I’m glad she called. It was good seeing and talking to her again, but…”

“But what?” Jimmy asked.

“But, even though we talked about what happened and she wasn’t being so cold to me anymore…” He trailed off and sighed softly before adding, “She said she thinks it’s better if we don’t have contact for a while.”

“Just ‘for a while?’ Does that mean she might want to talk again in the future?”

“Yeah,” Danny said. “I said I still wanted to be friends, and she said we could be. Eventually.”

“Well, that’s good,” Jimmy said.

Danny nodded.

“What do you think Ed’s going to think about that?” Jimmy asked.

“I don’t know,” Danny said with a grimace. “I mean, it’s Karen’s decision, right?”

“I guess.”

“I’m just glad that she called and that we have a chance of being friends again at some point.”

“Yeah,” Jimmy said.

“How’s my room?” Danny said, changing the subject.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, nothing’s destroyed, right?”

Jimmy smirked. “No. Everything’s fine.”

“And Kelly? How’s she?”

Jimmy felt warmth rise into his cheeks. “She’s good. She talked to her mom too. I guess they’re back on speaking terms now.”

“That’s good,” Danny said gently.

“Hey,” Jimmy’s mom said as she re-entered the room. “That was Sam at the door. He and I are going out back to talk, all right?”

“Oh.” Jimmy looked at her, a little surprised that Sam was there. “Okay.”

His mom walked over behind Jimmy and then said to Danny, “Sorry we’re getting interrupted. I can call you back later, Danny, all right?”

“It’s fine, Mom. Tell Sam I said hi.”

“I will. Have a good rest of your day, baby.”

“Okay.”

Their mom disappeared from the room, and Jimmy turned back to the video comm.

“So, what’s going on with them?” Danny asked.

“They’re getting divorced,” Jimmy said bluntly.

“I know that much. But why is Sam there?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think Mom was expecting him.”

“Huh. Mom’s still staying there, though, right? At home?”

Jimmy nodded. “Yeah. It’s a pretty full house.” He paused before adding, “I like it, though.”

“So, what’s going on with Mom and Dad?” Danny asked. “I mean, I know Dad wants them to get back together. Is that happening?”

“I don’t know. They haven’t exactly talked to me about it.”

“That would be…”

“Awesome,” Jimmy finished.

Danny smiled. “Yeah. I mean, if they’re happy.” He paused. “They weren’t happy towards the end.”

Jimmy frowned. “No. I guess not.”

He thought about that for a moment. His parents never made a point of fighting around him or Danny, but it wasn’t like they had never heard their parents fight at all. Of course, they had. And in the few years before Jimmy’s parents had gotten divorced, the number of times he had heard his parents fight had increased significantly.

“But,” Jimmy began, recalling a conversation he had had with his mom while she had been at Jamestown. “Mom said she missed when we were all together.”

“When did she say that?”

“The day after my birthday. A couple of weeks before Dad’s launch.”

“She was still with Sam then,” Danny said.

Jimmy nodded and then shrugged. “I don’t know what it means.”

“Well,” Danny began, “we’ll probably find out soon enough.”

“Yeah,” Jimmy agreed. “Probably.”

Chapter Text

“I’m sorry,” Sam began when Tracy joined him, “if you’re still not ready to talk. I can go if you want me to.”

Tracy sighed softly. They stood in the back yard, near the patio table. Sam wore a blue sweater and a pair of brown pants. He looked as good as he always did despite the sadness in his eyes.

“No, it’s okay,” Tracy offered. “I should’ve come and picked up my stuff myself, instead of sending Gordo.”

Sam shook his head. “I don’t blame you for that.”

“What do you blame me for?”

“Nothing,” Sam said, furrowing his brow and taking a few steps closer to Tracy. “I don’t blame you for anything.”

“Well, thank you for saying that.”

“I just—I want to talk,” Sam said.

Tracy nodded. Despite not knowing what to say, she understood Sam’s perspective. When Tracy had gone to space, their relationship had been fine. But so much had happened up there – with the reactor melting down and her friend dying and Gordo’s confession of his feelings – that she had felt like a completely different person when returning to earth.

“I’m so sorry about Vance,” he said, pulling Tracy from her thoughts.

Her eyes stung as she looked up at Sam. “Thank you,” she whispered.

“I should’ve said that before. I…” He trailed off and shook his head.

“It’s okay,” Tracy offered. “There has been a lot going on.”

“There has. But I should have said something. I should have been more understanding when you returned home.” He exhaled heavily. “I was just—Gordo got in my head a little bit before his launch, and then seeing how close you two were again when you returned home…” He searched Tracy’s eyes for a long moment before softly saying, “I was jealous.”

Tracy held his gaze for a few moments. “It’s okay,” she said finally. “Maybe I should have—I don’t know. I should’ve told you how I was feeling sooner. I just—I was still trying to figure it out myself.”

Sam shook his head. “No. That’s—I know you needed time to process.” He took another step closer. They were within arm’s reach. “So much happened up there.”

“Yeah,” Tracy said quietly.

“Is this…” Sam began. He lowered his gaze, and Tracy followed his eyes to her hand. He reached out hesitantly. Tracy didn’t pull away, and he gently took her hand. “Is it really over between us?”

Tracy sighed quietly, her chest aching. She didn’t want to hurt Sam. She loved Sam. She just wasn’t in love with him like she had thought she was. But she didn’t think there was a way to tell him that without hurting him.

Tracy squeezed his hand gently and met his gaze again. “So much did happen up there,” she said. “You’re right about that. But it wasn’t just what happened to us physically.”

“What do you mean?”

“Things were happening before that. Before Gordo ever arrived at Jamestown.” She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as she gathered her thoughts. “I love being an astronaut, Sam. You know that I’ve always loved to fly. Before Gordo and I ever met, I loved it. After we got married, things changed. And that wasn’t his fault. I let that happen. Life happened. We had kids, and I wanted to be home with them. But the other things I wanted for myself got put on the back burner.”

He nodded but said nothing. He just watched her, listening intently.

“It wasn’t until I saw that Russian woman – Anastasia Belikova – land on the moon that I realized just how much my own dreams had gone by the wayside. And that wasn’t Gordo’s fault either. It was just the way things happened.” Tracy paused, recalling the moment that the Russian cosmonaut had lifted her visor after landing on the moon, revealing that she was the first woman to step foot on the surface. “I could feel this fire burning in me. This desire to get back to myself and do the things that I wanted to do. And then when Deke came to me, offering this opportunity to become an astronaut, I knew deep down, in my bones, that this was what I was meant to do.”

“And you’re amazing at it,” Sam said, rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb.

Tracy smiled gently. “Thank you. But during this last mission up there on the moon, it wasn’t perfect. Even before the Russians stormed the base… Even before the mining site. My assignment was the same day in and day out. The ventilation system kept me awake every single night, and I was exhausted. It wasn’t as glamorous as I thought it was going to be. But my interviews—I kept doing my interviews and acting like it was this perfect mission, where everything was amazing and fun. After a while, that started to wear on me. Everything started to wear on me. I realized that those interviews I was doing were a lie. The glitz, the glamour—That part of it was all a lie. The missions were important, but they weren’t glamorous.”

She sighed softly and shook her head. Sam squeezed her hand.

“The reality of it knocked me down a few pegs,” Tracy continued. “I started thinking about what it must have been like for Gordo up there nine years ago, for a hundred and forty-five days. My mission was several months, but it was planned that way. And Jamestown now is way bigger than it was back in seventy-four. And there are so many more people up there now. It could still get lonely sometimes, and that thought made me realize how it must have felt for Gordo back then. At least, some small version of that.”

Tracy looked up at Sam. He searched her eyes.

“But it also made me realize that all the glitz, all the glamour—That isn’t for me. I’ve never needed that. I’ve never wanted that. Not really.”

“Tracy,” Sam began in a whisper. “We don’t have to have that. We can do whatever you want. Our marriage can look like whatever you want.”

“That’s the thing, Sam,” Tracy said gently. “I know that. I know you would do anything for me, and I appreciate that so much.”

Sam frowned. “But?”

Tracy took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Then, as gently as she could, she said, “I do love you, Sam.” She hesitated before adding, “But something that I realized while I was up there...is that…”

Sam’s eyes glistened with tears. He looked away from her, his expression contorting as though trying to keep the tears from falling.

Tracy’s chest ached to see him that way, and she couldn’t finish her sentence.

Sam finished it for her. “You realized that...you’re not in love with me.”

Tracy hesitated and then nodded a little.

Sam lowered his gaze and then closed his eyes. A tear escaped, slowly rolling down his cheek.

Tracy squeezed his hand. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I don’t want to hurt you. I really don’t, Sam. But it’s not fair to either of us to stay in this marriage.”

Sam sniffled and nodded. He met her gaze again. His eyes were filled with tears, and his cheeks were streaked with them.

Tracy’s eyes stung with tears as she gently pulled him into a hug. He wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her shoulder.

“I’m so sorry, Sam,” she whispered, rubbing his back gently.

They stood that way for a long time. Finally, Sam pulled back a little. He swiped the tears from his cheeks and looked at her.

“I hate hearing that,” he said quietly. “But I understand.”

Tracy nodded. “I’ll give you the ring back.”

“What?” He shook his head. “No. I don’t want it back.”

“I don’t feel right keeping it,” she said. “We weren’t married very long.”

“I want you to keep it.”

Tracy furrowed her brow. “Are you sure? I don’t expect anything of yours in the divorce, Sam.”

Sam shook his head. “That’s your ring. Not mine.”

“But—”

“No,” Sam insisted. “I don’t want it back.”

“What about the new Porsche?” she asked. He had replaced it for her after she had drunkenly crashed hers months earlier.

“Keep it,” Sam said. “Seriously. I gave that car to you. It’s yours.”

Tracy sighed softly. “You’re being way too kind about this.”

Sam offered a small smile. “That’s because I love you, Tracy.”

“So, you’re not going to ban me from The Outpost?” she asked, a mild teasing edge to her voice.

Sam shook his head. “Of course not. You’re always welcome there. And Danny—He always has a job there.”

“Thanks, Sam.” She smiled gently again. “Just try not to change the bar too much. There are a lot of memories and history wrapped up in there.”

“Okay,” Sam said gently. “I’ll keep it exactly as it is.”

Gordo arrived home from his therapy appointment a little after six in the evening. As he rolled into the driveway, he saw Tracy’s Porsche there but also another car he recognized immediately.

As Gordo exited his Corvette, Ed rumbled into the driveway as well. Gordo waited for Ed to get out of his car and then said, “Hey.”

“Hey,” Ed said. He gestured towards the extra car in the driveway. “Whose is that?”

“Sam Cleveland,” Gordo said.

Ed looked at him with raised eyebrows. “What’s he doing here?”

“I don’t know,” Gordo said. “I just got home from my appointment.”

“Ah,” Ed uttered, but his expression was telling. He was wondering the same thing that Gordo was: If Tracy and Sam were mending things between them and planning to get back together.

Gordo’s stomach seized uncomfortably with nerves. He turned towards the house and went inside.

“Hey, Dad,” Jimmy said from the couch when Gordo and Ed entered the living room.

“Hey, buddy. Where’s your mom?”

“Out back,” he said. “With Sam.”

Gordo nodded slowly. “Okay.” He wanted to run out there and find out what was going on, but he wouldn’t. Instead, he went to his bedroom and changed out of his work clothes and into something more comfortable.

Then, he went to the kitchen where the sliding glass door looked out into the back yard. He could see Tracy and Sam standing near the patio. They were holding hands while they talked, and then Tracy pulled Sam in for a hug.

Gordo’s stomach clenched painfully again. He knew he should stop watching. All he was doing was torturing himself. But he couldn’t look away.

“You okay, Dad?”

Gordo flinched and looked over his shoulder. Jimmy stood just inside the kitchen doorway, looking at him with concern.

“Yeah,” Gordo said, offering a small smile. “I’m fine.”

“What are you doing?”

“Uh. Well…”

Jimmy walked over and looked out the sliding glass door. “Are you spying on Mom and Sam?”

Gordo let out a short, quiet laugh. “A little bit. Yeah.” He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “I know I shouldn’t be.”

“It’s okay,” Jimmy said. “I won’t tell.”

Gordo smiled. “Thanks, buddy.” He turned away from the door and retrieved a glass from a cabinet. He went to the sink and filled it, leaning back against the counter as he took a drink.

Jimmy turned his attention to Gordo. “Are you and Mom getting back together?”

“What?” Gordo asked, surprised by the question.

“Danny and I were talking earlier, and…” Jimmy paused and shrugged. “We were just wondering if you and Mom are planning to get back together.”

Gordo took another deep breath, letting it out in a long, slow exhale. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know if you’re getting back together?”

Gordo watched Jimmy for a long moment. He wasn’t sure how much to tell him, but then he figured since Jimmy was asking questions about it, he already knew more than Gordo thought he did. He didn’t see the harm in telling Jimmy a little bit about the situation.

“We don’t have plans to get back together.”

“Yeah, but...Danny said something about how you want to get back together with Mom. Is that true?”

Gordo hesitated but then nodded. “It is.”

“Does she not want to get back together, then?”

“Your mom and Sam just ended things,” Gordo said. “That’s a lot to process and deal with.”

“Yeah, I know,” Jimmy said. “I just—With Mom staying here and you two getting along so well now, I was hoping…”

Gordo smiled gently. “Your mom and I have been through a lot together. No matter what happens, we’ll always be close. And we’ll always be here for you and your brother, okay?”

“I know. But I still hope you and Mom get back together.”

Gordo offered a small smile despite the swelling discomfort in his chest. When Gordo and Tracy had first gotten divorced, Jimmy had taken it hard. For months, he had kept asking when the two of them were going to get back together. Gordo had explained to him every time, as gently as possible, that they weren’t. Eventually, Jimmy had stopped asking that question. And ever since then, he had not expressed his desire for them to get back together. It made Gordo feel a little guilty and sad to know that Jimmy still harbored that hope, after more than five years, that his parents would someday get back together.

Gordo looked out through the sliding glass door again. Tracy and Sam were still out there, but they were no longer hugging.

Gordo exhaled heavily, thinking, I hope we get back together too.

Chapter Text

After dinner, Ed and the kids went out back while Gordo and Tracy lounged together on the living room couch.

“How was therapy?” Tracy asked.

“Good,” Gordo said.

“Yeah?”

Gordo nodded. “I went into it feeling a little, I don’t know, down I guess.” He looked at Tracy. “After what happened yesterday at JSC.”

Tracy nodded sympathetically.

“But by the end of the session, I was feeling better.”

“I’m glad,” Tracy said with a small smile.

“She gave me some coping mechanisms for when I start to have another panic attack.”

“That’s great, Gordo.” Tracy reached out and took his hand.

“Thanks.” He smiled at her and then changed the subject. “So, what’s going on with you and Sam?”

“‘Going on with?’” she asked.

“Yeah. I mean, what was he doing here?” Gordo asked as gently as he could muster.

“He wanted to talk,” Tracy said. “I’m sorry he just showed up unannounced. He shouldn’t have done that.”

“Oh. So, you didn’t invite him over?”

“Of course not,” Tracy said, as though that were a ridiculous thought. “I wouldn’t have done that without talking to you first.”

Gordo shrugged. “You’re allowed to see him, right?” It made him feel better that Sam showing up at Gordo’s house had not been Tracy’s idea. But it also made him a little concerned for her because Sam showing up uninvited meant that Tracy might not have been ready to talk to him yet.

“Sure,” Tracy said. “But at your house?”

“It’s okay,” Gordo said, and he meant it. “How was it?”

“It was fine,” Tracy said. “Good, actually.”

“Oh?” Gordo uttered, selfishly hoping that whatever was “good” about it had nothing to do with Tracy and Sam getting back together.

“Well, it was sad, honestly. But I feel like we sort of wrapped things up between us. And on good terms.”

“That’s good,” Gordo said. “I’m glad for you.”

“Thanks.” Tracy smiled a little. “I tried to give him back the ring, but he refused to take it. Said he wants me to have it.”

“Well, it is yours.”

“That’s what he said too.” Tracy paused before adding, “He also said that Danny has a job at The Outpost for as long as he wants.”

Gordo nodded. “That’s what Danny told me the other day. Apparently, Sam said the same thing to him.” Gordo smirked. “What about us? Are we allowed there anymore?”

“Of course.” Tracy offered a small smile. “Sam even said that he’s going to keep everything the same.”

“Really?” Gordo asked, a little surprised. “Huh.”

“What?” Tracy asked.

“I don’t know. I just thought he might make some changes. You know, make it a little more touristy or something.”

Tracy shrugged. “I asked him not to make too many changes, and he said he would keep it exactly as it is.”

“Ah,” Gordo uttered, realizing that Sam was only doing that to appease Tracy. He wondered if Sam thought that that might one day help to win Tracy back.

The phone rang, and Tracy got up to answer it. She slowed as she neared it and turned to look at him. “I guess I should let you do this, huh?”

“Go ahead,” Gordo said with a small smile. “This will always be your home too, Trace.”

Tracy smiled and turned back to the phone. She answered it on the third ring.

“Hello? Yeah, it’s me. Hey, Molly.” She paused. “What? Huh. Really?” She looked at Gordo.

He sat forward, resting his forearms on his knees. He looked over at her with raised eyebrows, wondering what Molly was calling about.

“Okay. Yeah, maybe. I don’t know. I’ll talk to him about it. Yeah. We’ll get back to you. All right. Thanks, Molly. Bye.”

Tracy hung up and turned around to face Gordo.

“What is it?” Gordo asked.

“That was Molly.”

Gordo nodded. He had gathered that much.

“She said that NASA Public Affairs has been getting a lot of requests for interviews. With us.”

“Us?” Gordo asked. “Me and you, specifically?”

Tracy nodded. “She said they’re really interested in hearing our story, straight from us.”

“Oh,” Gordo uttered, his gaze wandering away from Tracy.

“What do you think?” Tracy said, walking back to the couch and taking a seat beside him again.

“Honestly?” Gordo began. “I don’t know. I hadn’t even thought about that.”

“Despite all the interviews I’ve done in the past, I can honestly say that I hadn’t either.”

“When do they need to know?” Gordo asked.

“I don’t know. It sounds like it’s up to us.”

Gordo recalled what Dani had told him a few days earlier when the two of them had gone out for drinks. That he and Tracy held the future of their careers in their own hands. That they could write their own tickets from then on.

“We can think on it for a while,” Tracy offered, pulling Gordo from his thoughts.

Gordo nodded. “Good.”

Chapter Text

Ed sat by the campfire after dark on Wednesday with Kelly and the Stevenses. Gordo and Tracy had brought up Molly’s call to them the evening before, asking if they would be interested in doing an interview about what had happened at Jamestown.

“Are you going to?” Jimmy asked.

“We don’t know yet,” Tracy said.

“Well, if you decide to do it, at least you already know what to expect.”

“Sort of,” Tracy said. “I mean, I’ve never had an interview about something so serious before.”

“Yeah,” Jimmy uttered. “That’s true.”

“That seems like it would be difficult to talk about publicly like that,” Kelly chimed in.

Tracy looked at her, offering a small smile. “Yeah,” she agreed. “It is. It’s difficult to talk about privately sometimes too.”

“We don’t have to,” Ed offered. “We can change the subject.”

“No,” Tracy said quickly. “It’s fine. Just because it’s difficult doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it.” She looked at Gordo, adding, “Right?”

He nodded with a small smile. “Right. And we’re on the mend now. The initial scare is over, so…”

“Exactly,” Tracy said. “Not that it hasn’t still been an adjustment.”

Gordo nodded. “And just because we’re physically healing doesn’t mean things aren’t still difficult otherwise.”

“Like Jon?” Jimmy asked. “And Vance?”

Gordo and Tracy both nodded before Tracy added, “Among other things.”

“But getting back into a routine has been good,” Gordo said. “Even if the first few days back to work have been a little...weird.”

“Weird, how?” Kelly asked.

Gordo hesitated, opening his mouth as though to speak but then closing it again. Ed knew he was reliving his first day back to work, when he had had a panic attack right after arriving in the mission control room.

“It’s just a little strange,” Gordo said. “Going from being on the moon to suddenly back here, after everything we’ve been through, and then going back to work almost like nothing happened.”

Kelly nodded. “That does sound like it would be weird.”

Gordo smiled gently.

“You guys are doing great,” Ed offered to both Gordo and Tracy. “You’ve slipped right back into CAPCOM like you never left.”

“Thanks, buddy,” Gordo said. “It helps to be able to do some normal things away from work too.”

“Like what?” Kelly asked.

“Like jogging,” Gordo said. “Even though that’s been slow-going.”

“You’re getting there,” Tracy said. “And you’re further along than I am. I still haven’t even tried to exercise.” She paused before adding, “Or attempted to get into another cockpit.”

“Yeah,” Gordo uttered. “I’ve just flown once since returning home.” He glanced at Ed, adding, “With you.”

“Flying,” Kelly said in a dreamy tone. “I can’t wait to do that.”

Ed smiled, looking at his daughter. “You will. One day.”

“I can’t wait to learn,” she said. “I would love to take lessons before next fall. It would be nice to go into the Naval Academy already having a bit of knowledge about it.”

“Huh,” Ed uttered. “Well, I can teach you. If you want.”

Kelly looked at him, eyes wide. “Really?”

He shrugged. “Sure. I’ve taught a lot of people to fly.”

Kelly beamed. “That would be great, Dad.”

Ed smiled. “How about this weekend?”

“Yes,” Kelly said excitedly. “I can’t wait.”

Ed nodded once. “Good.”

Chapter Text

“I’m glad to see you back here,” Dr. Ripley said.

“Thank you,” Karen said from the couch in their counselor’s office. She glanced at Ed to her left and then back at Dr. Ripley. “Glad to be back.”

“A lot of couples don’t make it past the first session, so you’re already at an advantage.”

Karen smiled, pleased. She knew she shouldn’t have gotten her hopes up about couple’s counseling, but she couldn’t help it. Ed had agreed to it, and they were doing it, and Karen couldn’t help but feel like it was going to help their marriage tremendously.

“How about we pick up where we left off last week?” Dr. Ripley said.

“You mean,” Karen began, “with my cheating on Ed.” It wasn’t a question. Her stomach clenched at the thought. She stole a glance at Ed who sat staring across the room with a steely expression on his face.

“Ed,” Dr. Ripley said. “How does that sound?”

He shrugged. “Fine.”

They talked about what Karen had done – sleeping with Danny. They talked about how Karen had told Ed about her infidelity right before his Pathfinder mission. And they discussed Ed finding out that it was Danny.

“Did it matter to you who it was?” Dr. Ripley asked Ed.

“Of course, it mattered. It still does.”

“Why is that?”

“Because he’s my best friend’s son. He’s someone I know. When…” Ed trailed off. He let out an exasperated sigh and shook his head.

“When, what?” Dr. Ripley prodded after a few moments.

“When his parents – our best friends – were on the moon together, we helped look after Danny and his brother.” He sighed. “I mean, Danny’s technically an adult, and Jimmy’s close, but…”

Dr. Ripley waited him out. Karen watched him, waiting too.

“The things that happened up there… They almost died. The boys were stressed, going out of their minds. Karen and I—We tried to help them out. Just being there, making sure they were eating. Whatever they needed.”

“It sounds like you are all very good friends.”

“Yeah,” Ed uttered. “Which is why it makes it so much harder that it was Danny.” Ed glanced at Karen and then away again. “Gordo and I didn’t talk for a few days after I confronted him.”

“Wait,” Karen said. “What? You confronted Gordo about it?”

Ed shook his head. “Danny.”

Karen watched him in surprise. “When did you do that?”

“Right after I figured it out. Right after you confirmed it for me,” Ed admitted. “I left the house and ended up at Gordo’s. The kids were there alone, and I confronted Danny.”

“Oh, Ed,” Karen uttered. She hoped that nothing physical had happened between them. She knew how Ed’s temper could get. She knew he wasn’t opposed to physical altercations. And she recalled just how angry he had been after finding out that Danny was the one Karen had slept with.

“Gordo came home a little bit later, or…” Ed shook his head. “I was so angry. Gordo sent Danny in the house, and I just—I ended up taking it out on Gordo instead.”

“I didn’t know any of this,” Karen said gently.

“I know. I didn’t want you to. I…” Ed sighed. “Gordo and I worked it out a few days later. After the medals ceremony.”

“Right,” Karen said. “You went flying that day and then came to see me.”

Ed nodded. “And that’s when you told me you were thinking about going to school on the east coast.”

Dr. Ripley had them talk for a little while about Karen’s decision to apply to William and Mary and what her going to school across the country would mean for their marriage. Ed had had more time to process the idea since their first conversation about it, and he seemed more receptive to it now.

Then, they circled back to the discussion of Karen’s infidelity.

“Ed, you said you made peace with your friend, Gordo, right?”

Ed nodded.

“Have you spoken with Danny since you first confronted him?”

“No.” Ed shook his head, his steely expression morphing into a sneer. “I was too angry. It was just better not to be around him at all.”

“You said you were too angry and that it was better not to be around him. The past tense.”

Ed shrugged. “It doesn’t matter now. He’s not in Houston anymore.” When Dr. Ripley gave him a curious look, he added, “He’s back at Annapolis. At the Naval Academy.”

“I see.”

They continued to talk about the effects of what Karen had done with Danny. Dr. Ripley had Ed open up more about how he was feeling, and then she had Karen do the same. She also had Karen delve into why she had done it in the first place.

When they were nearing the end of the session, Dr. Ripley said, “You two have opened up a lot today. That’s a very good sign.”

Karen offered a small smile. “Thank you.”

“Tell me,” Dr. Ripley began. “How much time do you spend with each other outside of our sessions?”

Karen looked at Ed. The fact was, she hadn’t even seen him since their last session.

“Not much,” Ed said.

“Are you still living together?” Dr. Ripley asked.

Ed shook his head.

“No,” Karen offered. “I’m still at the house. Ed and Kelly…”

“We’re staying at Gordo’s,” Ed finished.

“Okay.” Dr. Ripley looked back and forth between the two of them for a beat. Then, she said, “I think it would be a good idea for you two to spend some time together, working on these issues.”

“You think I should move back home?” Ed asked.

Karen couldn’t quite decipher his tone. It sounded like a mix of dread but also hope. Karen felt the same way but was leaning more towards hope.

“I’m not saying that, necessarily,” Dr. Ripley said. “I’m simply suggesting that you spend some time together outside of our sessions here.”

“Just the two of us?” Karen asked. “Or as a family?”

“You can do both, but I do think it is important for you two to spend some one-on-one time together.”

Karen looked at Ed who met her gaze. Karen offered a small smile. Ed gave a little nod.

“Okay,” Karen said finally. “I think we can do that.”

Chapter Text

“Admiral Stevens,” Molly said when Gordo stepped inside her office.

Gordo smiled. “Chief of the Astronauts Cobb.”

“Have a seat,” she said pleasantly from behind her desk.

Gordo sat down across from her. That office had been Ed’s for years, and Gordo still wasn’t used to seeing Molly behind the desk instead.

“How does it feel being back at JSC?”

“Good,” Gordo said. He hoped she hadn’t heard the hesitation in his voice. For the most part, it was good. The only bad part had been during his panic attack right after his return to the mission control room.

“It’s always an adjustment, isn’t it?” Molly said with a smile. “Coming back to work after a mission.”

Gordo nodded. “Sure is.”

“And yours was a doozy,” Molly said.

Gordo smirked. “Sure was.”

“You seem different, Gordo,” she pointed out. It was in the casual tone of someone simply making an observation.

“I feel different.”

Molly nodded slowly, watching him. “I gotta say,” she said finally. She let out a short chuckle, shaking her head. “After that stunt you and Baldwin pulled in the T-38s a few months back…”

She trailed off, but Gordo didn’t need her to finish. He knew exactly what she was referring to. The dogfight with Ed that had resulted in him having to eject over the Gulf.

“Youthful indiscretion,” Gordo said with a playful grin.

“‘Youthful,’ huh? Aren’t you like fifty years old, Admiral?”

He chuckled. “Forty-seven. But I was only a captain back then.”

Molly laughed quietly. “I see. So, you would never do anything like that again now that you’re an Admiral?”

Gordo smirked. “Of course not, Molly,” he said playfully. “No self-respecting Admiral would.”

“Ed did. He was already an Admiral.”

“My point exactly. No self-respecting Admiral.” He laughed, and Molly did too.

“Point taken.” Still grinning, Molly shook her head. Then, her expression turned to a more serious one. “That’s good to hear, Gordo, because I have an assignment for you.”

Gordo raised his eyebrows, curiosity peaked. It was Friday, and he had just returned to work at JSC on Monday. He hadn’t expected to receive an assignment aside from CAPCOM so soon.

“I’m sending you and Baldwin down to the Cape.”

Gordo held Molly’s gaze, hoping his expression remained neutral. But inside, Gordo’s stomach was in knots. His mouth and throat had gone dry.

“We’re sending up Commander Rossi’s replacement, as well as a few other astronauts. Thankfully, Rossi was able to stick out his mission, but it’s time we bring him back home now. I want you two to help out with the launch.”

Gordo nodded, rubbing his clammy palms on the thighs of his pants.

“You’ll fly down on Monday,” Molly continued. “And come home Friday.”

“Okay,” he said a little quieter than intended.

“I know you’ve been cleared to fly,” Molly added. “I’m sure you’re chomping at the bit to get back in the air.”

Gordo forced a smile. “Yeah,” he said, but he wasn’t sure he meant it.

He loved flying. But his first flight back earthside hadn’t gone to plan, and he wasn’t sure how his next one would go. But even more than that, he couldn’t stop thinking about the upcoming launch. The thought of strapping himself inside a rocket made his stomach turn. Of course, he wouldn’t be launching to space himself, but even the thought of being there for someone else’s launch made him a little sick to his stomach.

“Just report to Ellington Monday morning,” Molly said, pulling Gordo from his intrusive thoughts. “Got it?”

“Got it,” Gordo said, forcing another smile.

“All right.” Molly smiled. “Get out of here.”

Gordo stood up from his seat and headed for the door. As he opened it, Molly spoke again.

“It’s good to have you back, Gordo.”

Gordo looked over his shoulder. “Thanks.”

He left the office, closing the door behind him. His breathing picked up immediately and he hurried through the corridors of JSC, exiting the front doors at a brisk walk.

“Hey, Gordo,” he heard from behind him as he neared his Corvette in the parking lot.

Gordo stopped and looked over his shoulder. Dani smiled as she approached.

“Hey,” Gordo said in an exhale.

Dani furrowed her brow, looking him over. “You okay?”

Gordo inhaled sharply, nodding. He glanced at Dani who eyed him with concern. Gordo shook his head instead, eyes stinging with the start of tears.

“What happened?” Dani asked, reaching out and gently rubbing his upper arm.

“Molly…” Gordo trailed off. He was having trouble breathing properly, let alone speaking.

“What can I do?” Dani asked.

“Nothing.” He shook his head. “I just…” He trailed off, turning and walking the few steps to his Corvette. He opened the door and slid behind the wheel. The passenger door opened moments later, and Dani slid into the seat beside him.

“Hey,” Dani said in a whisper, gently placing her hand on his forearm. “What do you need, Gordo?”

“My, uh…” He swallowed through the dryness in his throat. “My therapist gave me a couple coping mechanisms for my panic attacks.”

“Okay,” Dani said gently. “Do you want to try them now?”

Gordo nodded. He wasn’t sure he could speak enough to start with the senses, so instead, he inhaled deeply, counting to seven as he did so. Then, he held his breath for seven seconds. Then, he exhaled for seven seconds.

Dani stayed with him while he focused on his breathing. She didn’t ask questions or push him to talk. She simply held his forearm gently and let him do what he needed to do.

It didn’t take long for him to get his breathing under control. He still felt anxious and a little shaky, but he wasn’t panicking any longer.

Gordo glanced at Dani and whispered, “Sorry, Dani.”

“No,” Dani said gently. “Don’t apologize to me. There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

He offered a small, wry smile. “Thanks.”

“Are you feeling any better?”

He nodded, and he meant it.

“Are you heading home?” Dani asked.

He was finished with work for the day and normally would go home then, but he wasn’t sure he was ready to head home yet. With the way he was feeling at the moment, he knew Tracy and Ed would easily be able to tell that something was...off. He didn’t mind them knowing, but he didn’t want Jimmy to see him that way.

His kids didn’t know he was seeing a therapist. At some point, he knew he would tell them, but he hadn’t yet figured out how. What to say. And a part of him wanted to wait until he had noticed some positive changes from therapy before he told them.

Another part of him knew that that was just an excuse he was telling himself. Especially since he had his new philosophy of openness and honesty. But, eventually, he did plan to tell them. He just hadn’t worked up the courage to do so yet.

“I don’t know,” Gordo said finally. “I don’t think I want to go home yet.”

“Okay,” Dani said. “Do you want to stay here for a little while?”

Gordo shook his head. He looked at Dani. “Outpost?”

She hesitated but then said, “Sure.” She paused before asking, “Are you okay to drive?”

“Yeah.” He offered a small smile.

“Okay. I’ll meet you there.” She gave his forearm a squeeze and got out of the Corvette, walking to her own car in the parking lot.

They met at their usual booth at The Outpost. Gordo ordered a whiskey, and Dani ordered a beer.

When the drinks arrived, Dani asked, “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

Gordo took a large gulp of his whiskey and set down his glass.

“You said something about Molly,” Dani continued.

“Yeah,” Gordo uttered. “She called me into her office.” He lifted his gaze to meet Dani’s. “She’s sending me to the Cape on Monday to help with the launch next week. Me and Ed.”

Dani nodded slowly. “Okay.”

“I just—The launch.” Gordo chuckled wryly. “Thinking about those astronauts, headed up to Jamestown…” Gordo shook his head, taking another drink. His whiskey was already half gone. “And I know it’s not me going. I’m just going to help with the launch. But it just—It triggered something in me.” He sighed. “Everything seems to be doing that lately.”

“That’s okay,” Dani said gently. “You went through something horrific up there, Gordo. You don’t have to be okay.”

Gordo looked at her. His eyes stung with tears, but he blinked them back. “Thanks, Dani.” He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Then, he said, “Let’s talk about you, though. What’s going on with you?”

Dani watched him for a long moment. Gordo thought she would protest. He thought she would insist that they continue talking about his panic attack and how he was feeling. But she didn’t. Instead, she smiled gently and said, “Molly called me the other day. She said that the media is interested in doing an interview about the ‘Handshake in Space.’” She chuckled softly.

Gordo smiled, recalling a similar phone call to him and Tracy three nights earlier. “That’s great. Are you going to do it?”

“I think so.” She smiled. “Why not?”

He nodded. “Good. You should, Dani.”

“Have they contacted you?” she asked.

“Molly did,” Gordo offered. “A few nights ago.”

“I figured,” Dani said. “I mean, if they are wanting to hear about my mission, they most certainly want to hear about yours and Tracy’s.”

Gordo shrugged a shoulder and finished off his whiskey. He flagged down the waitress and ordered another.

“Don’t say it like that,” Gordo said.

“Like what?”

“Like what you did wasn’t as important.”

Dani smiled sheepishly. “Well, all I did was shake someone’s hand. You and Tracy saved so many lives.”

“So did you, Dani,” Gordo said seriously. “Maybe not directly, but because of you, Tracy and I survived. And others at Jamestown survived too.”

“Okay, let’s not get into this again,” Dani said with a smirk.

Gordo smiled gently. “Fine. But either way, it sounds like we have something to celebrate.” He flagged down the waitress again and ordered some shots for both of them. When they arrived, he raised a shot glass, and Dani did the same, smiling at him.

“To you, Dani,” Gordo said. “To making your indelible mark on history.”

“And to you, Gordo, for doing the same.”

Gordo smiled at that. They gently clinked their shot glasses together and then downed them in one big gulp.

Chapter Text

“Dance with me,” Gordo said, clumsily getting up from the booth. He stood at the edge of the table, extending a hand to Dani.

She chuckled and shook her head. “It’s good you’re a happy drunk, but—”

“Drunk?” Gordo said with a grin. “Who’s drunk?”

Dani raised her eyebrows and gave him a knowing look. It wasn’t the first time she had seen Gordo inebriated, but it had been a long time. She understood his desire to let loose, especially after his panic attack an hour earlier, but she was concerned about him.

“Sit back down, Gordo,” Dani said in a light but firm tone. “Before you fall down.”

“Fine.” He smirked and slid back into the booth. “But I’m getting another drink.” He waved a hand at the waiter who came over.

“Another whiskey, please,” Gordo said.

“No, no, no,” Dani interjected. “We’ve had enough.” Meaning that he had had enough. She had only had a couple drinks and had stopped more than an hour earlier. “It’s time to head home.”

“Come on,” Gordo said, dragging out the sound.

“We’ve had enough,” she said more seriously.

The waiter looked uncertainly between the two of them. Dani looked up at him and shook her head. He nodded and walked away.

Gordo watched him go. Dani watched Gordo until he met her gaze again.

“Maybe I have had enough.” He smiled sheepishly at Dani.

She offered a small smile and nodded. “It’s okay. Let’s just get you home, all right?”

“All right.”

Dani grabbed her purse and slid out of the booth. Gordo stood up too, bracing himself on the edge of the table. Dani wrapped her hand firmly around his upper arm to help steady him.

“You okay?” she asked.

“Yep. I’m good.”

She waited patiently until he was ready, and then she helped him to the door and out to the street where their cars were parked.

“Thanks for this,” Gordo said, slurring the words a little bit. “It helped.”

She let go of his arm and nodded.

He smiled. “Okay. See you later, Dani.”

She watched him walk across the street to his Corvette. He fiddled with his keys and then dropped them on the ground. He swayed as he bent over to pick them up.

Dani’s stomach clenched uncomfortably as she watched. “Hey, Gordo,” she called to him.

He snatched his keys and stood upright again. He turned enough to look back at her. “Yeah?”

“Are you okay to drive?”

“Yeah, m’good.” He gave a closed-mouth smile and turned back to the driver’s door.

Dani sighed. She checked for traffic and then crossed the street. “Come on,” she said, quickly and smoothly taking his keys from his hands before he had a chance to protest. “I’m going to drive you home.”

“Dani, I’m—”

“You’re fine. I know. But I would feel more comfortable driving you home myself.”

“What about m’car? I don’t wanna leave it out here overnight.”

“I can drive us in your car, if that’s all right. And then I’ll take a taxi back here to get my car. Okay?”

Gordo hesitated but then nodded. He put a heavy hand on her shoulder and smiled, saying, “You’re a good friend, Dani.”

She smiled. “Do you need help getting in?”

He shook his head and walked around to the passenger side of the car. They both got in, and Dani drove him home.

Ed arrived home just before seven. After their counseling session, he and Karen had made plans to get together over the weekend. They hadn’t decided what to do, but he felt good that they were going to at least spend some time together.

He rolled up in front of the Stevens garage, surprised to not see Gordo’s red Corvette in the driveway. He got out of his car and went inside. Tracy met him in the entryway.

“Ed,” she said in an exhale. “I was hoping you were Gordo.”

“Gee, thanks,” he said teasingly.

She shook her head. “No, I just—I haven’t heard from him. He hasn’t come home yet.”

“Seriously?” Ed said, furrowing his brow. “Did he have a therapy session today?”

“No. He just had one on Tuesday. Maybe he stayed late at work,” she said, but it came out sounding more like a question.

“Oh,” Ed uttered. “Well…”

“Well, what?”

“I don’t know about him staying late late, but…” He looked at Tracy who gave him a look like she might attack him if he didn’t hurry up and tell her what he was thinking. “We’re being sent to Florida to help with the launch next week. I think Molly was going to tell him after work.”

“Well, hell, how long does that take? Five minutes?”

Ed nodded.

Tracy sighed and shook her head, like she was racking her brain for a better explanation as to why Gordo was so late.

“I’m sure he’s fine,” Ed offered in the most reassuring tone he could muster.

“Who is?” Jimmy asked, rounding the corner and moving to stand beside his mom.

“Uh,” Tracy uttered. “Everything’s fine, hon.”

“Are you talking about Dad?” Jimmy asked.

Ed could hear the worried tinge to his voice, and he felt guilty for putting the idea into the kid’s head that his dad might not be okay.

“He’s probably just having car trouble,” Tracy said, smiling a little at her son.

“I can go look for him,” Ed offered. “If he’s broken down on the side of the road, I’ll find him.”

“Okay,” Tracy said. “Thanks, Ed.”

He heard a faint rumbling sound in the distance, and Tracy’s eyes widened before she let out a relieved sigh.

“Is that him?” Jimmy asked.

“I’m sure it is,” Tracy said.

“What’s going on?” Kelly asked, joining the rest of them in the entryway.

“Nothing,” Ed said. “Everything’s fine. Let’s all go inside and let Mr. Stevens come home in peace.”

Kelly looked confused but retreated to the living room. Jimmy looked to his mom who smiled and nodded and ushered him to the living room as well. Ed set down his brown leather briefcase in the entryway and turned around to open the front door. He could just see the back end of Gordo’s Corvette in the driveway. He waited for Gordo to appear, but he didn’t.

Instead, moments later, Dani rounded the corner. Ed furrowed his brow, pulling the front door closed behind him.

“Hey, Dani,” Ed said, walking down the sidewalk to meet her.

“Hey, Ed. Can I get a little help?”

“Why? What’s going on? Where’s Gordo?”

“He’s…” She trailed off, turning to look back at the driveway. “He’s in the car.”

Ed looked at her, but she turned and walked back towards Gordo’s Corvette. Ed followed, seeing the open passenger door and Gordo seated in the passenger seat. He was conscious and appeared unharmed, but he was slumped in the seat, eyelids heavy.

“Ed,” Gordo said, drawing out the sound as Ed approached. “Hey.”

“Shit,” Ed muttered, seeing and hearing just how drunk Gordo was.

“I should’ve stopped him sooner than I did,” Dani said with a frown.

“It’s not your fault,” Ed assured her.

He knew how Gordo could get. He just hadn’t seen him get that way in months. He walked to the car and put his hands on the soft top of the convertible as he peered in at Gordo.

“You all right, buddy?”

Gordo nodded. “Just, uh…” He waved a hand in an elaborate flourish.

Ed wasn’t sure what it meant, but he didn’t ask. He turned to Dani, saying, “Would you mind going in and telling Tracy what’s going on? The kids are in there, and…” He trailed off, glancing at Gordo. He took a few steps away so Gordo wouldn’t hear, telling Dani, “Jimmy’s already worried enough about his dad as it is. He doesn’t need to see him like this.”

“Of course,” she said.

“Thanks, Dani.”

She walked to the front door and went inside. Ed walked back over to the car to wait with Gordo.

“You know,” Gordo began, slurring his speech. “Tracy puked in my car.”

“What? When?”