Work Text:
''There's nothing I can do.''
''There's no one I can help.''
Cassandra opened her eyes to the darkness of her room. She blinked a few times before slowly sitting up, moving her long hair out of the way. Her hands removed her nightgown, the slender and beautiful figure moving across the room and stopping in front of a large wardrobe. She took a black jersey along with plain jeans, along with clean underwear. The rest of the process was mechanical. Putting the clothes on, tying her shoes, drinking a mildly warm coffee.
Another dull morning.
However, boredom wasn't all that Cassandra felt that day. It was slightly different, because her life was changing.
''I don't have any hopes, but…''
Her eyes were a bit brighter than usual when he checked her looks in the mirror. From today on, she was a college teacher. That was not the only change she was encountering, although the other thing involved more another person than herself.
''I hope he woke up on time.'' She muttered to herself, a small smile on her lips.
It didn't take a lot of time for Cassandra to get used to her new life. Teaching at a college was pretty different from teaching at a highschool, since they didn't need to get too involved with the students. There was a different sense of freedom, and students included people from different ages, so it didn't make Cassandra feel so hopeless as she had felt when encountering teenagers who all spoke only about meaningless topics.
Besides, she could meet Crowley from time to time between classes. She made a point to get Crowley to meet other people and learn to live by himself, but she also helped him out and cared about him just like she had always done. At first, she wondered if he'd do well living in the dorms, but Crowley was slowly getting used to it, even if he always had something to whine about when they were alone. It still warmed her heart to see him, who was like a son to her, put on the effort to attend the lessons and interact with others.
For Cassandra, the only person she cared about was Crowley, and she had no interest in making friends herself. Because of that, she didn't know how to react when a fellow teacher from the same faculty started following her around.
Her name was Mercedes.
''...''
Cassandra looked behind and hurried her steps awkwardly. She could hear another pair of steps matching her pace, forcing her to give up on getting away. Was the message not clear enough?
''...Mercedes. I don't mean this in a disrespectful way, but why are you always around me?''
''Ah!'' She was taken by surprise, even though it must have been obvious that Cassandra would ask her about it at some point. Then, Mercedes smiled shyly. ''I'm sorry… I must be bothering you.''
Cassandra fully turned to Mercedes and shook her head. ''I didn't say that. I just don't understand the reason.''
''Of course… There is a reason, but it might sound odd. The first day I had class, I briefly saw you with that younger man… The white haired student.''
''Crowley?'' Mercedes nodded, and Cassandra raised an eyebrow, wondering what could Crowley have to do with this teacher unrelated to them and feeling her overprotectiveness start to arise.
''I teach him Art History, but I haven't memorized everyone's names yet…'' She chuckled awkwardly, nervous through the whole conversation. ''That boy… He reminds me of a dear person I've lost. And just like him, you gave me a nice feeling, like you two have a certain light to you…''
Cassandra could see how someone would think of Crowley like that, but she was definitely not a bright or pure person by any means. However, Mercedes' eyes weren't lying, she could tell that much. Perhaps the loss of that person she had mentioned had left her lonely, and thus he wanted to befriend another female teacher?
With a light sigh, Cassandra gave her a gentle smile. ''Alright. I won't ask anymore… You can do as you want.''
There were no feelings from her to Mercedes. The only person who made Cassandra feel something at all was Crowley. But seeing her so nervous and fragile, she couldn't leave her alone.
And just like that, Cassandra's own life started to move as well.
Eventually, she never came to regret her decision of letting Mercedes into her life. She was very caring about her students and an amazing teacher, so she quickly became popular among the students. They all loved their art history teacher, who apparently 'had a smile like the sun'. Well, Cassandra couldn't deny that. Among her students, Mercedes was particularly gentle to Crowley, both because of her personal reasons and because she learned how important he was to Cassandra. Both Cassandra and Crowley couldn't help but notice that she could sometimes be a bit strange, too, but her kindness overshadowed all of that with ease, and they didn't pry further.
The three of them had something in common— a deep darkness within their hearts that was still hard to dispel, no matter how much they kept moving forward.
For Cassandra especially, that darkness was something she had to deal with everyday from the moment she woke up until the time she closed her eyes. Because no matter where or when, she always observed the same things happen and felt the same disappointment.
Crowley complained that there was a student who gave advice to others and was causing disturbance to the peace in the dorms. His name was Tadashi Kunai, a man who seemed polite and charming on the outside but had a completely different true nature. He was also Cassandra's student, and it didn't take her long to figure him out. However, since she never looked into the problems between students too much, she was unaware of the situation in the dorms. Knowing Crowley, he could have been the perfect victim if not thanks to Cassandra's presence in his life.
To Cassandra, this was simply another foolish, selfish human using others to their personal gain. It was nothing she hadn't seen before already, although it never failed to make her sick in her stomach.
''Why is nobody doing anything about it? Those students must be breaking the dorm rules, right?'' She had asked Crowley.
''Thing is, Tadashi is very influential, not only with the students but the staff too… I don't know why, but no one dares confront him.''
''What…?'' She frowned, disgusted. Just like expected, no matter where she went humans were the same. Cowards who only thought about themselves.
Of course, she was no better. She could see where they were coming from. If he really was influential to the point where no one was doing anything, maybe he had the power to get someone fired from their job, for example. Cassandra couldn't afford to risk her current life like that either.
That situation was just one of the many that reminded her of her own powerlessness.
''There's nothing I can do.''
''There's no one I can help.''
She truly could never save anybody.
In the end, the students resolved that incident themselves a few weeks later. Cassandra's self-esteem and outlook on life only worsened by the day. She couldn't care less about Tadashi or whatever happened around him— what was eating at her heart slowly was her own impotence and realizing that the world was forever disappointing. It was hard to even find the strength to get up from bed, and if it wasn't for Crowley, she was sure she would have given up on everything a long time ago.
Except it wasn't only for Crowley now.
''Are you alright?''
Mercedes' smile in front of her brought Cassandra back to reality.
They had just had lunch together and were sitting outside enjoying the warm weather. However, Cassandra had zoned out for too long, which had prompted Mercedes to lean towards her and check if she was doing okay. It wasn't rare for her to space out overthinking, and Mercedes was getting used to it. She used to worry too much about it before, but she was able to smile about it now.
''Uh… Yes, sorry. I'm alright.''
It was easy to see through her lie. For a second, Mercedes considered dropping the subject there, but she knew that Cassandra would bottle it up forever if nobody tried to help her. ''Cassandra… I know I'm just a coworker, but you can talk to me.''
Cassandra clenched her fists, gaze dropping to her lap. How could she tell her worries to someone like Mercedes, who was overcoming a tragedy herself with such a bright smile? Mercedes was possibly the only human capable of something like that, and Cassandra couldn't burden a person like her.
''I just wonder what my purpose is. I can't help anyone… Can't do anything.''
Mercedes looked at her grim expression while Cassandra talked. It was obvious that she wasn't only referring to recent events, but instead had felt that way for a while. With the same gentle smile as always, Mercedes held her hands, making Cassandra look up.
''I do not know what has made you think that way… But it's not true at all. You have saved Crowley, I'm sure of it. And you've helped me a lot, too.''
''...I didn't do anything for you.'' In fact, Mercedes was so radiant she didn't need anyone supporting. She'd surely shine brightly wherever she was, with her kindness attracting the right people around her— not people like Cassandra. Well, if the 'right people' even existed…
''That's not true. I… I'm a worthless person. I am the type of person who should never be forgiven… It wouldn't be surprising if someone wanted to kill me. That's the person I am. But the two of you have been nothing but kind to me, and you let me be your friend, so—''
''Mercedes.''
Their eyes met again, Cassandra's gaze a mix of incredibility and frustration.
''Do not say that about yourself again. You're not that type of person at all.'' In fact, he couldn't believe that Mercedes had been thinking that all that time. ''I… You give me a bit of hope. If only there were more people like you… Maybe the world wouldn't be such a bad place. But you shouldn't hate yourself…''
Maybe that was fate. Terrible people thought of themselves as better than others, and good people dragged themselves through the ground. Why did it have to be like that?
''I lost my brother. Ever since then… I can't stop blaming myself.'' Mercedes' gaze was a bit lost, as if she was looking at something different from that scenery. Maybe her memories with her brother.
Cassandra had a feeling that Mercedes' loss was someone from her family, but she was properly seeing for the first time the depth of that pain. Overcoming something like that was never easy, but self-loathing just couldn't be the answer, not for her.
''Crowley really likes you. To him, you're almost family too.'' Cassandra smiled, honestly evident in her voice. ''And to me too.''
At that moment, it was as if a dam broke, and tears started falling from Mercedes' eyes, her emotions overflowing. She leaned into Cassandra's frame for support and was enveloped in warm arms embracing her.
''Do you think… I-I deserve something like that?'' She spoke between sobs, tugging at Cassandra's heart strings. She didn't believe herself able to feel for someone other than Crowley, but now, she only wanted to protect Mercedes and make her smile again.
''Of course you do.''
''Thank you… Thank you…''
To Cassandra, Mercedes' words of thanks were saving her in return, even though she kept that to herself. If they were together, surely they could heal each other little by little. It didn't sound bad at all to the woman who had once given up on humanity altogether. This warmth didn't sound bad.
After a few minutes, Mercedes wiped her tears and went back to her original position, finally smiling like always. ''I have no words to say… I feel so blessed. I don't know if I can forgive myself yet, but… I think my little brother would be happy if he could see me right now.''
Cassandra nodded, still holding Mercedes' hand. For some reason, she just didn't want to let go for a bit longer.
''That's right! If Crowley is fine with it, we should all have lunch together one of these days.''
''Well… You're still his teacher, so it's better if other students don't see you together a lot. But I suppose that much would be alright.''
''You'll be there too, it will be fine.''
They smiled at each other, feeling warm in their chests. That day, something inside them both had changed, and it was definitely a positive thing. Cassandra felt a sliver of pride inside her confirming her self-worth because she had been able to help Mercedes. She wasn't powerless after all. That art history teacher had become indispensable in her life, a ray of sun that made her happier as time passed.
The three of them were becoming a family.
''The stars are beautiful today.''
''They really are…''
Cassandra, Crowley and Mercedes were lying on the ground above a soft blanket, watching the night sky. It had become customary for them to spend time together from time to time, especially during weekends, and it more than once involved watching different sceneries.
''Are you comfortable, Crowley? I brought another blanket if you're cold.'' Mercedes said, turning her head towards the white haired boy, who shook his head.
''I'm fine… Thank you.''
He wasn't used to that sort of kindness from anyone other than Cassandra, but it always made him very happy. He felt that their love for him was genuine and honest, not motivated by any ulterior motives. Besides that, he was also happy that Cassandra had found someone who made her happy. She was always taking care of him, so it made him wonder if she had anyone who would take care of her. Now, the three of them could support each other.
Cassandra was enthralled by the beauty of the stars. Had she ever given herself the chance to observe the world like that? To enjoy the beautiful things it had to offer, without thinking too hard about it? It was also thanks to Mercedes that she had finally understood how important sceneries like those were. That peace had become her greatest treasure.
At some point, she heard snoring next to Mercedes, who was lying in the middle of the three, and smiled. ''Did he fall asleep?''
''Yes.'' Mercedes gently stroked Crowley's hair before turning to lie on her side facing Cassandra. ''It might be a bit late for him to be outside.''
''He isn't used to it, so probably. But… I'd like to stay just a bit longer.'' Cassandra held Mercedes' hand, intertwining their fingers. Now that they felt more comfortable around each other, she felt like she had to let Mercedes know her feelings if only a bit, and the mood of the moment was getting to her. ''You see, Mercedes… I used to think of other people as illogical beings. I was too rational and couldn't understand their emotions… I didn't get why were people selfish or harmful to others. It didn't make any sense. But you made me see that there are other emotions. That humans are capable of so much more. You made me feel other emotions, all because you're so gentle and genuine.''
Mercedes blushed with her words, flopping on her back to see the stars again. ''I didn't do anything special… You chose to trust me and let me into your life.'' She extended her arm as if wanting to reach the sky, and her lips curled into a happy grin. ''Astraea.''
''Hm?''
She realized that she had blurted that out without thinking, and Mercedes' face turned red to her ears. ''I-It comes from aster … To me, you are a star. Because you shine so brightly…''
''Everyone I know says I'm pretty gloomy.''
''Well, they aren't seeing you properly…!'' Cassandra couldn't help but chuckle, Mercedes was so adorable when she got pouty like that. ''That's why, you're Astraea.''
It was really cheesy, but it made her incredibly happy. Mercedes made her feel like those teenagers in love she had seen while teaching in highschools. She couldn't hold back anymore and followed her impulses, closing the distance between them and pressing a kiss in Mercedes' lips that took her completely by surprise.
''...!!''
She couldn't even react before Cassandra broke the kiss with a playful smile. ''We're family, right? If you're Crowley's mother too, why shouldn't I kiss you when I feel like it?''
''C-Cassandra…! That was too sudden! I wasn't mentally ready!'' Mercedes sat up, holding her burning cheeks between her hands while trying to settle down her racing heart. To think that Cassandra would be the first of them to take the first step even though Mercedes had liked her first…!
''Then, get mentally ready right now.''
''B-But…! God, you're so…''
The two of them kissed again under the starry sky. They were still inexperienced, childish and immature, but they loved each other deeply. They had changed each other. They both believed they'd never find anyone to love like that.
''You forgave me and made me the happiest.''
and
''I was able to make someone happy.''
They needed nothing else than that.