Chapter Text
It was odd, wearing different clothes.
After the battle was won, and everyone started to part ways, Xion wasn’t exactly sure what to do. She knew what she wanted . Covered in dirt, sweat, and a little bit of blood in some places, she wanted to just sit down. Xion felt like she’d been standing…well, for as long as she could remember– which, almost, wasn’t far off. Before she’d woken up, fighting Sora and Axel, everything was a blur.
There was darkness…confusion and fear. Xion didn’t want to think about it too much.
She’d woken up standing, and had been fighting almost since. Aside from getting knocked on her ass, Xion had been on her feet for the better part of a long day. As such, her legs ached. A lot. It was a simple, shallow thought that she could focus on as she worried about what she should do next. Sitting was, unfortunately, not the solution.
“We’re going to go back to the Land of Departure.” Aqua told the group. They’d just finished wishing Sora good luck, and now all that was left to do was hope for his and Kairi’s safe return. Aqua, Terra, and Ventus stood to the side, preparing to leave. “Thank you, everyone, for all your hard work.” She met everyone’s eyes individually.
When Aqua looked to Xion, the girl 's shoulders hunched, and she looked away, her neck warming.
“Thank you, Master Aqua.” Riku returned, his smile was genuine but tight. Xion was pretty sure he just said goodbye to his best friend, for who knows how long.
He must be feeling so sad.
Aqua, Terra, and Ventus took off after that, riding these bikes that materialized from their keyblades. Xion looked down at her hand, wondering briefly if her keyblade could do that. Mickey, Donald, and Goofy started to call down something called a…a Gum Ship? Xion quirked an eyebrow and looked up, wondering for not a brief amount of time how someone could make a ship out of gum. There was a lot she didn’t know.
Riku turned to Axel. “I’m going back to Radiant Garden. But first, we’ll drop the King, Donald, and Goofy off at their world first. Would you like to come with us, or is there somewhere you would want to go?” Riku asked, glancing at Roxas and then Xion. “Master Yen Sid made it clear there were more than enough rooms at his Tower, for anyone who needs. There are plenty of places to stay at Radiant Garden, too.” The young keyblade master offered, not unkindly. Xion remembered little of him from before, there was so much that happened during those final days. Still, he seemed…better? It was hard to say, at that exact moment.
She didn’t have an answer to his question. In fact, Xion suddenly realized she didn’t know where she was supposed to go, at all. Should she stay with Axel and Roxas? Was that alright? Did they want her to follow them around? What if she was supposed to find her own way now– how did that even work, outside of the organization? Xion squeezed her hands into fists by her side, a frown slowly pulling at her lips.
It quickly dawned on her that despite this vessel she’d been given, despite this new start she had– or perhaps because of it, she had no idea what came next.
It scared her, a lot.
A hand slipped over her fist. She raised her head, meeting Roxas’ smile as he pressed his shoulder into hers.
“There’s actually a place in Twilight Town we can go… if that’s alright?” Axel suggested looking to Roxas and Xion with a hesitant smile.
“Yeah!” Roxas agreed, grinning a little. “That sounds great!”
Twilight Town! Xion’s face lit up at the mention of something familiar. She nodded and opened her hand to hold Roxas’.
The journey from world to world on the Gum Ship— actually called a Gummi Ship, as Goofy explained to her— was slower than using a portal, but faster than Xion had expected. It was night time when they arrived in Twilight Town. After a hasty goodbye to Riku, the King, Donald, and Goofy, Axel led them to an apartment that Xion had never seen before.
“Woah, do you own this place?” Roxas asked, peering skeptically at the key Axel used to turn the door’s lock.
Axel flipped the key in his fingers and tapped it on Roxas’ forehead. “Nope. I rent it. There’s a big difference, Roxas. A big, expensive difference.” Axel remarked with a fond grin as Roxas swatted at his hand.
They stepped inside. It was somehow bigger and smaller than Xion had expected. The organization had such large rooms, for communal spaces at least. The personal bedrooms had been smaller than the inside of the Gummi Ship.
She crossed her arms across her stomach as she looked around. There was a kitchen, a couch, some windows, and a hallway with a few doors. A small staircase led up to a second floor, with a few more doors. What did Axel mean, expensive? Was that something they were going to have to worry about soon?
“Do you live here?” Roxas asked, jogging over to the window and looking out it.
“When I get the chance, I do.” Axel responded. He shrugged, sighing a little. “So much training, so much fighting– so little time for relaxation.” The taller man complained. Roxas snorted, a wistful expression taking over his face for a few moments.
Xion took a mental note. She wanted to make sure she didn’t try and relax too much herself. She needed to pull her own weight! She didn’t want to be a burden on either of them, like when they’d had to split her daily quota.
“You two can each take a bed, I’ll take the couch.” Axel told them.
Xion’s spine straightened. “Take it where?” She asked, with utter sincerity. Tasks, she understood. Xion would move the bed in no time!
Axel and Roxas both looked at her with confused expressions. Then Roxas tilted his head back in understanding, and turned to Axel. “We’ll get it there in no time!” He assured the man. Xion nodded.
Xion watched as Axel’s lips twitched once, twice, and then he burst into a laughing fit.
“You don’t need to take the bed anywhere, Xion. Just sleep in it.” He reached out and rustled her cropped hair, wiping his eyes with the palm of his other hand. She blinked up at him. When he smiled fondly down at her, she felt a good portion of the tension she had peel off her chest. It was Axel. He was here, they were all here, and everything was going to be okay. “I should have some spare sweats you two can sleep in, not that my clothes will fit either of you.” He added sarcastically, to the side. “We can fix that tomorrow. Tonight, I’m beat.”
He showed each of them where they could sleep, and the bathroom and closets, and told them to help themselves to anything they wanted. Then the taller keyblade wielder sprawled across the couch without so much as taking his boots off and started snoring in a matter of minutes.
It was just her and Roxas. They watched Axel snore for a moment, then laughed quietly together.
“Do you want to wash up?” Roxas asked, opening one of the closets and pulling out a couple of towels. “Or would you rather go to sleep like Axel?”
Xion reached out to take a towel, then hesitated. She pulled her hands back, carefully removed the black leather gloves she’d been wearing for literally as long as she could remember, and then took the towel. It was soft, and it smelled a little like smoke when she pressed her face to it.
She wanted to sleep like Axel, but her mind was more than awake. Xion had slept, in a way, for a long time. Inside her heart, inside Sora’s.
“I’ll wash up.” She decided, speaking into the towel.
Roxas chuckled. “Okay. You can go first.” He offered.
“Thank you!” Xion smiled.
Together, they quietly rummaged around in some of the drawers, looking for clothes they could sleep in. The water in the shower was warm. While it stung as it hit some of her wounds, particularly a meaner set of scraps on her back, for the most part it felt nice. Taking a shower was one thing she did remember how to do. At the organization, Saix was always yelling at any of the members who failed to participate in proper hygiene, especially after a long day fighting heartless. It wasn’t altruistic, he had just had a sensitive nose.
Xion wondered where the other organization members were now, the ones that they hadn’t fought today. And what would happen to the ones they did fight? What would happen to Saix? She tried to think of a way to phrase that question to Axel.
When she was done, Xion dried herself off and attempted to put on the much, much too large clothes. She cinched a pair of sweatpants as tight as they would go around her waist and rolled the pant legs up several times. The shirt fell past her knees, but at least it wasn’t tripping her. Xion bundled up the black, fabric robes into her arms and stepped out. She didn’t exactly know what to do with them, so she carried the muddy and torn garments to the room she was supposed to sleep in. After dropping them off, she went to find Roxas and let him know it was his turn in the bathroom.
He was in the room up the stairs. Xion crept past a steadily snoozing Axel. She kept having to stop and pull the pant legs back up, and the cold metal staircase made her jump a little when her bare foot touched the first step.
When she finally made it to the bedroom, Roxas had already fallen asleep. Xion stood in the doorway for a moment, watching his chest rise and fall. It was familiar. She remembered gathering seashells, arranging each one in a pattern around him as he slept for weeks on end.
She took a few minutes to remind herself that he would wake up in the morning.
Xion crept back downstairs, slipped into the bedroom, and looked at the bed that awaited her.
She took a few more minutes to remind herself that she would also wake up in the morning.
“This isn’t a dream.” Xion whispered. “This is real.”
If it was a dream, it was a very nice one, at least.
Xion crawled onto the bed. If Axel and Roxas could sleep, so could she. Her head hit the pillow, and within a minute that comforting darkness called Sleep found her too.
She’d never worn anything other than the organization’s cloaks.
Other than the organization's cloaks, and these too-big clothes.
When Xion woke up in the morning, it was slow to start. Sunlight hit her face from around a pair of curtains. Her legs were tangled in the blanket and the sweatpants. Xion blinked up at the white ceiling, so unlike but somehow so similar to the Organization’s lab, she thought she was there for a moment.
But she wasn’t. She didn’t have to do what they told her, anymore.
Right? Xion alighted out of the bed and scrambled to the bedroom door. She flung it open and stumbled out into the living room. Axel wasn’t on the couch. She looked around, but he wasn’t in the kitchen or bathroom either. Xion ran up the stairs, nearly tripping over those too-long pant legs, only to find the room that Roxas had slept in was empty as well.
Her heart pounded in her chest. She wrapped her arms around herself, leaning against the wall. Had she imagined it all? Everything? The flare of pain on her back and the aching in her muscles suggested otherwise, but it could be that none of this was real. The apartment which had seemed so open and spacious last night was constricting. Her skin felt tight and dry, like it was going to flake off of her. Perhaps this world was all in Xion’s head. Maybe it was all fake, and it was falling apart. Xion might still be dreaming, or she might have never woken up to fight the Organization in the first place. Maybe she was still a part of their darkness, an unwilling member.
A cold, blue-white light shone above her. Xion had been awake for days, locked away in this laboratory the whole time. She couldn’t move, she could barely think, a thick layer of darkness caked on her skin, her mind, her heart.
The sound of a door opening snapped her out of her thoughts.
Laughter, not just any, but Roxas’ laughter filled the apartment. Xion blinked, her eyes stinging a little.
“We don’t have any moogles on shift at the moment, so we’re going to have to cook something ourselves.” Axel spoke like he was protesting something.
Roxas was laughing still, snorting a little. “I know, I know– but if you don’t know how to cook, and I don’t know how to cook, then who’s going to actually cook?” He pointed out, sounding rather more amused than put out by this notion.
“Well, maybe Xion can cook?” Axel suggested.
Roxas laughed harder at that.
“Alright, wise guy.” Axel snapped, and Roxas made a sound of being caught off guard, only to keep laughing. “We’ll figure it out together, okay?”
Xion stepped carefully down the stairs. She watched as the two boys dumped armfuls of paper bags onto the kitchen counters. They each pulled a duffle bag off their back and dropped it on the floor.
Xion squeezed her hands behind her back, watching them with a small smile.
Axel noticed her and grinned. “Xion! Good morning. How long have you been up?” He asked, turning to face her with one hand on his hip. “Roxas and I went out to pick up some groceries and– oof!” He cut off as Xion barreled into a hug.
She couldn’t help it. Xion wasn’t strong or well-trained or stoic or anything like that. She wrapped her arms around Axel and squeezed him tight, scared that if she didn’t, he would be gone again.
The man relaxed after a second. Xion felt him return the hug, tucking his chin on her head.
“Hey, Xion. Were you worried when we weren’t here? I’m sorry.” Axel told her, gently.
Xion sniffed, shaking her head. “N–no, I’m sorry. I–It’s okay.” She pushed the words out, wishing she could explain she was more relieved and happy than sad, but her words still came out shaky and she still had the urge to cry. “I’m okay.” She insisted, pulling back and scrubbing at her face with her hands. “I’m sorry.”
But Roxas pulled her into a hug next, squeezing her tight. “You don’t have to be, Xion. I was nervous too, when I woke up.” He told her. She tucked her face into his shoulder, gratitude filling up her chest.
She didn’t want to be weak, but…
“It was… I was scared you were gone. And then everything would be gone, again.” Xion explained, her voice hitching a little.
She would be gone. Roxas, too.
“You should’ve seen me, I nearly knocked Lea over, checking if he was real.” Roxas told her, cheekily. Xion raised her head and pulled back, blinking at his grin.
“Lea?” She asked, testing the name out on her tongue.
Roxas hooked a thumb at Axel. “That’s Axel’s name! Well, Axel was his Nobody's name.” Roxas explained.
Axel– Lea rubbed the back of his neck, looking embarrassed for a second. Then he caught Xion looking and brightened up. “Lea’s my name, without the X. Got it memorized?” He smiled.
Xion’s eyes widened. “Yes! Lea is a wonderful name!” She exclaimed.
Xion couldn’t help but smile.
Lea nudged her arm. “That’s better.” He encouraged. The man turned and picked up one of the duffle bags. “Some of Roxas’ friends helped grab some clothes for you two, seeing as borrowing mine was never going to be a long-term solution.” Lea handed her the bag, and Xion took it gingerly.
“Olette picked out some clothes for you. She said she hopes you like them, and she can’t wait to meet you!” Roxas told her. Xion noticed for the first time that he had already changed into new clothes. They suited him, a black undershirt, white overshirt, and gray, baggy pants.
Xion unzipped the bag a little to find a small assortment of clothing articles, a couple shirts, and one each of a pair pants, shorts, a skirt, all folded neatly and tucked into the bag. Xion even spotted a pair of shoes tucked at the bottom.
“For me?” The act of kindness stunned her. Xion didn’t know how, but she would repay this girl. “Thank you. I have to thank her, too.” When would they get the chance to meet? Xion hoped she had time to find something nice, like seashells or non-expired hi-potions to give her.
A few minutes later, Xion had changed into a pair of shorts, a simple shirt, and the shoes at the bottom of the duffle bag. A pair of tennis shoes, kinda like what Sora had been wearing, but with strings. It was the strings that confused her, none of the organization’s uniform boots had these. She messed with them for a few minutes in the bedroom before deciding she’d done her best.
But of course, as soon as she took a few steps, the boots slipped off her socked feet and she fell flat onto her face.
She picked herself up, rubbing at her nose. The shoes were falling off her feet— Oh! That must be what the strings were for. Xion beamed and, with an aching nose, pulled the strings tight and wrapped them in all manner around the bottom of her ankles and the shoe. She tucked them into the sides when she felt like it was secure enough, and walked out into the kitchen again.
There was a good smell in the air. Rice and some kind of soup was cooking on the stove top. Roxas and Axel were huddled over a pan, holding several different small bottles of spices each.
“Xion, come look— Ah!” Roxas dropped the spice bottles he was carrying when he turned to look at her. “Your nose is bleeding!”
She touched her hand to her upper lip and found it wet. “Huh? Oh.” Her fingers were red and shiny.
“Did something happen?” Lea asked, his face scrunching in concern.
Roxas scrambled to offer her a kitchen towel, which she pressed under her nose as she stepped over to pick up the dropped bottles. There was a pan filled with tofu cubes sitting on the stove. The oil popped and the bottom edges of the tofu sizzled golden brown. Xion explained her confusion about the shoe strings as she stacked the bottles on the counter. Roxas hovered next to her, holding his hands out like he was both hesitant to touch her or to step away.
“Your shoes—?” Roxas looked down at the tangled mess of her shoe strings. He pressed his lips together, looking away in an effort not to laugh. “Xion, don’t you know how to tie shoelaces?”
Xion’s cheeks warmed. “No! I’ve only worn the boots that the organization gave us.” She protested, laughing a little.
But he sobered in the next second. Roxas gave her a sad smile, and Xion felt her chest squeeze.
She pulled the towel away from her nose. It had a spot of blood, but not nearly as bad as the types of injuries they would get fighting heartless. Not nearly as bad as they had gotten just yesterday. Those had been mostly healed with potions and cures. Xion could handle a nosebleed. She could even handle the worst injuries.
This pressure in her chest? The ache in her heart when she thought about everything that had happened? That was more difficult to treat. Roxas was standing here in front of her. Xion was here. It should be all better
But she was still scared.
Was that the darkness in her heart?
Was she flawed?
“Xion, come here a sec.” Lea stepped over to the kitchen table. Xion blinked curiously, approaching and then sitting in one of the wooden chairs when he gestured to it. Lea knelt down in front of her and started to undo the haphazard knots she’d tied the strings into. “Don’t worry, we all have to learn how to tie our shoelaces at some point.” He told her.
He fixed her laces up with deft movements. In a matter of seconds, her shoes were tied with a large bow shape to the strings.
“Thank you!” Xion admired the simple knots he made. It did look better this way. She kicked her feet for a second, and then stilled. “Is it really…okay?” Xion murmured. “Going on like this, relying on you two. If I don’t know even these things…I feel like…a burden.” No sooner was the confession out of her mouth than did Lea take her hand.
“You’re not a burden. It’s only been a day, Xion.” Lea told her. “And even if you were, which you're not, it would be okay. You deserve to live. You both deserve to live .” He declared. “Don’t doubt that, okay?”
Xion squeezed his hand. The aching in her chest eased a little. Maybe it would always be there, but Lea’s conviction was infectious.
You’re no puppet in my book!
“Yeah. Thank you.” Xion sighed out, but smiled. “You’re a really good friend, Lea.” She told him.
Lea looked surprised for a second. Then he returned the smile, rising to his feet just as the smoke alarm went off. Roxas scrambled to pull the tofu pan off the stove. Xion hovered on the edge of the kitchen as Lea and Roxas tried to salvage what wasn’t already burned. Her skills involved hitting heartless with her keyblade, but she hadn’t had time to cultivate much else.
Now, she supposed, she did.
Xion looked down at her shoelaces and smiled, wondering what they were going to do today. She was scared, but more than that, she was excited.