Archive of Our Own

October

Justin closed his eyes and took a deep breath. As nervous as he was to be here, he needed this job. Justin was eight weeks into his college career only to find that his father hadn’t paid his tuition like he said he would. He’d, of course, gone to Mr. Taylor’s place of work only to be told, to his face, that as long as he chose to live his disgusting lifestyle, his father wouldn’t be supporting his education. 

Which brought Justin here, standing on the sidewalk corner across the street from the diner. In a few minutes, he had a job interview with a woman named Debbie, and his nerves were shot. 

Despite being gay, Justin hadn’t ever entered any queer exclusive spaces or ventured down to Liberty Avenue.

Was he really ready to work here every day? He barely felt comfortable in his own gay identity, let alone know anyone else who was the same. He was 18, a virgin, and only out to his parents and best friend. This was like leaping the high dive at the Olympics.

Justin took another deep breath and walked a few feet to the front door. The minute he stepped inside, his senses became overloaded with an onslaught of colors, sounds, and smells. At 4 o’clock in the afternoon, the place was bustling and almost filled to the rafters. He bit his lip and searched for a person who might be Debbie. Justin was about to turn back around and leave when a woman with a red wig, a loud graphic tee with sexual innuendo, and a rainbow vest bestowed with a million buttons walked up with a smile. Her name tag said Debbie.

“Hello there, sunshine.” She was chewing gum and wilder than Justin had ever experienced, yet he somehow felt safe.

“H-hi.” He stumbled over his words at first, but then, with a deep swallow, he continued, “I’m Justin. I'm here for the job interview?”

“Oh! Well, why don’t you go over to the counter, honey. I’ll get you settled as soon as I give those raging queens behind you their order.” She motioned behind her to the last open seat at the countertop by the register.

Justin glanced nervously around him. He allowed himself a moment of insecurity and then put his walls up. He couldn’t let anyone know he felt out of place, or they would pounce. With his chest out and head held high, the young man walked over to the counter and plopped down. 

In the seat next to him was another man wearing the kind of clothes Justin wished he had the balls to wear. As an artist, he would love to wear loud colors and clothes that hugged his tiny frame. But as a WASP, he’d had subtlety and propriety drilled into him from a young age.

“My, my baby! I’ve never seen you here before. Aren’t you just adorable!” The colorful man addressed him with a distinctly Southern accent, laughing eyes, and a matching grin. “I don’t believe we’ve ever met. And I know everybody!”

“I’m new to the area. Here for a job interview.” Justin replied politely and gave the man a tight smile.

“Well, let Aunty Em help you out! I’ll be your tour guide for everything Liberty Avenue.” The man extended his hand for a shake in greeting.

“Jesus, Emmett.” Debbie appeared suddenly on the other side of the counter. “Give the poor kid room to breathe. I’m sorry, sunshine. Can I get you anything?”

“Just welcoming him to the neighborhood. Besides, if he’s here for a job, he’s gotta get used to us queens.” Emmett smiled between Debbie and Justin, “Especially being the cute young thing he is.” 

Justin blushed when Emmett threw a wink his way.

“Alright, I know this isn’t ideal for an interview, but as you can see, we are up to our ears in customers. Why don’t we step into the kitchen, and I can ask you some questions.”

Debbie gave Justin a warm smile and directed him to the kitchen door. Something about this woman just put his mind at ease. Justin didn’t know how to explain it, but he knew she would look after him in this new world.

“Alright, so,” Debbie started as they sat in two chairs near the grill, “do you have any restaurant experience?”

“Can I be honest? I don’t have any work experience. I grew up in a privileged family. My dad always gave me anything I wanted. But,” Justin started strong, but reaching the part where his dad kicked him out because he was gay was something even he couldn’t say out loud. 

“Let me guess. Your parents don’t like that you are gay.” Debbie put her hand over Justin’s in understanding.

“You can tell?” 

“Honey, aside from me, everyone who works here has some kind of story about their parents not accepting them for who they are.” Debbie tilted her head and fixed her sympathetic eyes on the young blonde.

“Yeah. I’m a freshman over at PIFA. My dad wanted me to go to Dartmouth, but I’m not interested in business. When I came out to him and my mom, they seemed okay, but then I graduated, and he refused to support me anymore. So, now I need a job to help pay for college.” Justin gave her his best pleading look, hoping she would feel bad and give him the job.

“Well, not to worry, sunshine.” Debbie jumped up and pulled Justin along with her. “We are in desperate need of a waiter willing to work a flexible schedule. Our waitress Kiki can only work mornings which doesn’t help much.”

“I can work anytime after 11 am on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. I’m not available except at night on Mondays and Fridays since those are the days I have studio time. And on the weekends, do your worst to me.” Justin had a good feeling his life was going to turn around.

“You got yourself a job.” Debbie shook his hand before wrapping him up in a giant hug.

*****

Three Weeks Later - November

Justin rubbed his tired eyes. It was 8:30 am on a Friday, and he was supposed to be off due to his agreement with Debbie. But she had begged him to cover Kiki today. So, he gave up his usual studio time and promised to cover until his class at 1.

“Excuse me, waiter.” An irritated voice sounded from behind Justin, and he turned to find the most beautiful man he’d ever seen.

He was tall, thin, and handsome. With brunette hair impeccably styled and piercing hazel eyes, he looked like he’d stepped off the pages of a GQ magazine. 

“Could I get a coffee before I die?” His voice might sound irritated, but something about it caught Justin’s attention in a good way.

“Is that in the next two minutes?” Justin deposited a hand on his hip and cocked his eyebrow. He’d toughened up considerably in the weeks since he started, and this bitchy business queen didn’t scare him.

“No.” The man looked Justin in the eye, confused.

Suddenly, Debbie was there with her hand smacking the man upside his head. “Be nice, Brian. You’re not gonna die without a coffee.”

“Oh, come on, Deb. I was just…” The man named Brian started to argue, but Justin pouring him a cup of coffee, stopped him.

“Thanks!” He whipped around and smiled in a way that told Justin he was used to charming people into submission.

“Next time, a please would be nice. And a little patience.” Justin stated that before he turned to replace the coffee pot on the warmer, he headed over to one of the booths to take their order.  

For some reason, Justin half expected Brian to be gone by the time he returned to the register after dropping off the table’s order. But the man was still sitting at the counter, reading the newspaper and slowly nursing his coffee. Instead of engaging him to ask if he wanted a refill, Justin chose to ignore him completely. As he rang up one of the groups leaving, he noticed another man joined Brian. The shorter, geekier man wore a button-down and tie but didn’t have a suit jacket. Justin slowly approached the pair, wanting to snoop a bit beforehand. He grabbed the coffee pot and was prepared to ask the newcomer if he wanted a cup and Brian if he wanted a refill.

“Mikey, don’t you have somewhere to be? Somewhere not bothering me?” Brian groused at his companion. It gave Justin some satisfaction to know that Brian seemed short with everyone, not just the wait staff.

Justin stepped forward, afraid that he’d been standing off to the side a hair too long. “Would you like a refill?”

Brian looked up with a smirk. He closed the newspaper and folded it up. He stood up and fished out a wad of bills from his pocket without a response. He threw down a 10 and told Justin to keep the change. Justin stood in shock and watched as the two dark-haired men left the diner completely. 

What did I just experience? WHO was THAT?!

He was so far in his head he didn’t realize Debbie was there until she snapped her fingers in front of his face.

“Sunshine! I need you to take these plates to table 5.” Debbie gave him a pointed look and handed him three hot plates piled with food.

Justin nodded and did as he was asked. His mind was still on Brian, trying to make sense of him — especially the $9 tip he gave Justin for basically doing nothing.

“Hey, Debbie,” Justin stated as he returned to the counter and his mentor. “Can I ask you something about Brian?”

“Oh, Jesus. You too?” Debbie snorted and continued her current task of making more coffee.

“What do you mean, me too?” Justin was perplexed. He’d wanted to ask if getting such a large tip from the guy was normal, but Debbie seemed to think Justin was looking for something else.

“Just that everyone is always looking for Brian. Everybody wants to ask about Brian .” Debbie turned to Justin; for once, he understood why everyone at the diner always said she could be scary sometimes.

“I get the idea you don’t like him.” Justin chuckled nervously. 

“My son, Michael, has been best friends with Brian since they were kids. Let’s just say Brian can be a bit selfish sometimes. I love him like a son, but I also want to slap him most of the time.” Debbie paused before she threw a warning at Justin, “Don’t even think about it. He chews up guys like you and spits them out. He’s not the commitment type.”

Justin nodded slowly, pulled the tip out of his pocket, and then asked what he’d really wanted to ask, “I just wanted to ask if he normally tipped ridiculous amounts. He got a cup of coffee and told me to keep the change from a 10.”

Debbie looked from Justin’s face to the money in his hand and then back up again. “Oh. Yes, Brian is always generous with his money. Like I said, sunshine, I love the guy. But be warned, he’s selfish with his heart.” She moved past him with a pat on his shoulder.

Justin still wasn’t sure why Debbie warned him so strongly about the businessman. But, as far as Justin was concerned, if he kept tipping like that, Justin would put up with just about anything from him. What he didn’t say to Debbie, and she didn’t explicitly ask, Justin wasn’t even thinking of a physical relationship with anyone. Let alone this guy named Brian. 

Sure, he was attractive. Justin did have eyes, after all. But, overall, he was just another interesting patron, and Justin was just a waiter. In no version of Justin’s life could he see him ever interacting with Brian outside of diner-related exchanges.

December

Over the next week, Justin saw Brian daily. Sometimes he was alone, and sometimes, Debbie’s son was with him. But every time, he insisted on Justin serving him. Justin couldn’t help but laugh at the seemingly absurdity of it. Especially considering Debbie’s warning about the man. 

On Thursday night, close to 10 pm, Brian stumbled in alone. He was still wearing his business attire minus a suit jacket. As he sat down at the counter, he loosened his tie and snapped at anyone who’d listen.

“I know this is a big ask considering the establishment, but could I get some decent service?” Bitchy business queen was back like Justin had never seen before.

“I know it’s a big ask, considering who you are, but could I get a please or a thank you tacked onto the end of that?” Justin snarked right back as he flipped a coffee mug over and poured Brian some coffee.

Brian cocked his head and considered Justin a moment before he replied. “You know, most people find my rudeness charming.” 

Justin snorted, “Only because they want in your pants.”

He paused and watched Brian’s eyes run the length of his body, clearly assessing him. 

“Oh yes, I’ve heard all about the great Brian Kinney. In fact, I’d say most of my customers love you and hate you in equal measure.”

“You know,” Brian grabbed Justin’s wrist, keeping him in place, “it would seem you aren’t one of them. What’s wrong with you? Are you even gay?”

“Well, for one, money doesn’t impress me. I came from money. It doesn’t bring joy.” Justin pulled his hand away, slightly annoyed with Brian for the first time since they’d met. 

“For two, as charming as you may think you are, sex isn’t everything in life.” He pulled out his order pad and poised his pencil, waiting for Brian’s order.

“Ah yes, you are so flush with cash you just work here for kicks.” Brian’s words had a bit of bite to them, but Justin wasn’t phased.

“Also, whoever says sex isn’t everything clearly isn’t having it or can’t get any. As attractive as you are and as much as the clientele here look at you like a piece of meat, I can’t fathom how you’d fall into either category.”

Brian paused briefly before he added, “Turkey on whole grain with lettuce, tomato, and no mayo.”

Justin put Brian’s order in the kitchen without another word to the man. Under the surface, he couldn’t believe the audacity Brian had to say the things he did.

“Or maybe…” Justin came back to Brian and picked up their conversation in a huff. “I just don’t want casual sex.”

Brian put his tongue in his cheek and smiled. “You’re young. You’ll soon learn that relationships just cause hurt.”

Justin took a deep breath and turned toward one of the booths to avoid really going off on Brian. He barely knew the guy, so it wasn’t worth it. 

Then why do I want to kiss that smug look right off his face?

He took the order and cleaned up the booth next to them. Then he gave the order to the cook and grudgingly picked up Brian’s order.

He set Brian’s plate down with a bit more force than was necessary. As much as he didn’t want to be, Justin was still irritated by Brian’s assumptions.

“One more thing!” Justin gave Brian a steely look, demanding his attention. The older man leaned back slightly and grinned like he was amused by Justin’s frustration.

“I said I came from money. Not that I still have it.” And without another glance, Justin walked away.

He made himself busy for the next half hour and didn’t approach Brian’s spot at the counter until the man had left. On his empty plate sat two twenties. Justin truly didn’t understand this man. He was snippy and rude but then left extravagant tips. Justin knew Debbie had said he was generous, but Justin had a sneaking suspicion that Brian was even more generous with him.

He was still just standing there when Emmett came traipsing in with Ted at his elbow. Justin had met Ted about a week ago and still didn’t know much about the man except that he was an accountant and Emmett’s best friend.

“Hey, baby!” Emmett’s grin lit up the place, which was currently in a lull between nighttime rushes. 

“Hey, Em.” Justin pocketed the tip and placed Brian’s payment in the till. He then started to do his end-of-shift routine as he waited for Emmett and Ted to get settled at a booth toward the back. 

They appeared to be in a heated discussion. Justin didn’t want to interrupt them, but they were his last table of the night, so he had no choice. As he approached the table, he heard the tail end of whatever disagreement they were having.

“I’m telling you, Em. He’s changed. Things are different now.” Ted looked distressed but firm in his assertion.

“Right, the twinked-out twinky changed his spots just like that.” Emmett scoffed and gave Ted a disgusted look.

“What can I get you guys?” Justin butt in just as he was sure Ted was going to bolt in frustration. His words stopped the man, and he turned his attention to the menu.

“Advice.” Emmett turned himself slightly to face Justin fully and gave the young blonde his most charming look.

“I’m sorry?” Justin was thoroughly confused. What kind of advice could he possibly offer the well-seasoned gay men before him? He barely knew Ted, so there wasn’t a chance he even knew anything helpful. Why would Emmett want his advice on whatever was going on?

“You don’t know this, but about 6 weeks ago, Teddy here went home with a young man named Blake. Blake convinced Ted it was a good idea to try out some substances. Teddy ended up in the hospital and almost died. Now, Blake has come crawling back, and Ted is just letting him live with him, no questions asked.” Emmett paused to take a breath, and Ted jumped in.

“Way to air out my dirty laundry to strangers, Em!” 

“Oh, hush. Justin is hardly a stranger.”

“No, he’s just one of your strays. Which makes it a bit hypocritical of you to judge me for helping out Blake.”

Emmett then turned back to Justin and asked, “Justin, my dear, do you think Teddy should be using his well-earned considerable nest egg on helping some twinked-out twinky with housing and food?”

Justin threw up his hands, “I am not getting involved. I can’t have an opinion on this.”

“Thank you!” Ted gave Justin a kind look and then turned his more serious, slightly murderous one onto his best friend. “I’ll take my usual.”

Emmett huffed and rolled his eyes dramatically but then responded, “And I will take a burger with fries. Tomato and lettuce on the side.”

Justin chuckled as he wrote down their orders and then headed toward the kitchen to place them. He shook his head and grinned. He loved Emmett dearly. Of all the people he’d become familiar with since getting this job last month, Emmett was the only one who was interested in Justin not just as the sad, lonely queer kid but also as the artist. 

In the last few weeks, he’d been dragging Justin around to various gay establishments. They mostly stuck to Woody’s whenever Emmett wanted him to go out for drinks, and Justin couldn’t find a good enough excuse not to. He knew of all the best shopping establishments to frequent for the best deals. Hell, Emmett had even managed to convince him to purchase a crop top that hugged his shoulders in a way that Justin would never have the confidence to wear in public. He greatly appreciated Emmett’s kindness and Southern charm. He was very much into casual sex, but he never judged Justin for not being interested in taking strangers home from the bars.

As he grabbed their plates of food, Justin glanced at the clock. If he played his cards just right in five minutes, he would be walking out that door. He heard the tinkle of bells, signaling the door had been opened, but one glance showed it was Tad the waiter who would be taking over for Justin. Justin smiled at him and placed Emmett and Ted’s food down.

“What are your plans tonight?” Emmett cocked his head, looking up at Justin. 

“Going back to mine and Daphne’s to study for my exam next Monday.” Justin staved off what he was sure was going to be an invitation to go out with Emmett and Ted.

“You should join us for a night of fun at Babylon.” Emmett clapped his hands and bounced excitedly. “It’s the Wet Willy Competition tonight!” 

“What?” Justin had no idea what Babylon or a Wet Willy Competition were.

“Babylon is the hottest dance club in Pittsburgh,” Ted said lazily, evidently not matching Emmett’s excitement about the prospect.

“All the hottest gays go there!” Emmett gave Justin his puppy eyes. “You’ll fit right in.”

Justin blushed at the idea that he was amongst ‘the hottest gays.’ But he also couldn’t deny that the thought of dancing sounded energizing. Something he would need if he planned to study or draw at all before his classes tomorrow.

“Do you have a membership?” Ted, ever the pragmatist, asked, finishing up his tuna sandwich.

“Oh, hush. I will be able to get him in using mine.” Emmett grinned and waved his hand in front of Ted.

Twenty minutes later, as they walked down Liberty Avenue toward the club, Emmett reassured Justin once more. He wrapped his arm around the teen and pulled him in close.

“Don’t mind, Teddy. He’s just upset at me about the whole Blake thing.” Emmett’s eyes were blazing with sincerity, so Justin believed him.

“As for Babylon. Prepared to be amazed! The music and men are always on fire. And the thumpa thumpa breathes life into any tired ole queen.” Emmett twirled in front of Justin and Ted with joy emanating from his every pore.

“Look, kid.” Ted grabbed Justin’s wrist and his attention. “Emmett is always so rosy about these kinds of things because he’s never experienced rejection. In all honesty, sometimes it can be too much.”

Justin linked his hand with Ted’s and squeezed. “I’m not worried about rejection.”

“No, of course not,” Ted mumbled.

 “I’m just excited to meet more people and find out what a dance club is all about. So, loosen up and have fun!” Justin grinned and quickened his pace to catch up with Emmett a few feet ahead.

“Theodore, loosen up? Don’t count on it.” A familiar voice sounded from behind Justin. 

He turned in time to see Ted roll his eyes at Brian and sidestep out of the shoulder drape Brian was aiming for.

“Brian, be nice.” Michael chided from the brunette’s elbow.

Justin wanted desperately to say something, anything. But his brain was currently rebooting after seeing Brian in what he assumed were the man’s club clothes. He wore a tight silvery black buttoned top and pants that looked painted on him. It made him even more gorgeous than his typical suits seen at the diner.

“You know Brian, from what I know about you. I’d say you’re the one who needs to loosen up a little.” Justin smirked and gave the older man a challenging look.

“Oh, my, my.” Emmett flounced up behind Justin and wrapped his arms around the blonde’s shoulders. “Seems to me this young thang has your number, Brian. And he ain’t callin'.” 

The two looked at each other and grinned before turning back to see Brian rubbing his hand across his jaw. Emmett planted a soft kiss on Justin’s temple before they approached the bouncer, leaving the rest of the group behind. 

“Is he going to be mad at you?” Justin leaned into Emmett to shout into his ear once they were inside amongst the too-loud music and crowds.

“Who? Brian?” Emmett shook his head, amused. “Nah. He actually appreciates people who knock him down a bit sometimes. Keeps him humble.”

“Brian? Humble?” Justin wasn’t sure it was possible. 

“At least it’s better than being a stalker.” Brian’s voice tickled Justin’s other ear. “Why are you here?”

He didn’t respond until they were situated at the bar with a drink in hand. Then he turned to Brian and told him, “Emmett invited me. Plus, it’s a public establishment. I have just as much right to be here as you.” 

Then Justin pulled his t-shirt off and tossed it at Emmett. He walked onto the dance floor half-naked and found the experience to be exhilarating. He loved the way the sound waves from the music felt on his skin and how the other men danced so close he could feel their heat. Justin threw back his head and let the music and magic consume him. This is what being gay was supposed to feel like. For the first time ever, Justin felt entirely one with his mind, body, and spirit. He was meant to live this life of unadulterated happiness.

Before long, he attracted a couple of beefy men who obviously worked out often. Their muscles rippled as they moved their torsos closer and closer to Justin’s bare chest. He didn’t care that they were obviously aiming for sex. He just wanted to know what it felt like to have another man find him attractive and appreciate his body in an artistic way. He was finding that on the dance floor of Babylon.

Suddenly one of the guys reached for the fastener of his jeans, and Justin fumbled backward. But, being surrounded on both sides, his movement only made matters worse. He tried to shove both men off of him, but they didn’t seem to take the hint. It was as if his movements were egging them on. Justin could feel panic starting to rise in his throat.

And then, like a silent angel, Brian was there. Without a word, he shoved his arms between each of the guys and Justin’s body. The businessman’s arms were now bracketing Justin, boxing him in, but this time he wasn’t afraid. Soon enough, the other two men moved on to other guys further along in the crowd. Justin closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

While he recalibrated, Brian adjusted himself so that he stood facing Justin, and his arms lay limply but possessively on the blonde’s shoulders. They continued to dance, Brian silently reassuring Justin by never moving his arms away. 

*****

They didn’t speak of that night the next day or any day after that. In fact, Justin and Brian’s “relationship” returned to snarking at each other over the food Justin served daily. It was as if Babylon hadn’t happened at all. In time, even Justin stopped constantly thinking of how Brian had protected him each time he saw the guy.

One particularly stressful Wednesday night, Justin was rushing around the diner trying to keep all the patrons happy when Brian, Emmett, Ted, and Michael all showed up for dinner. Justin motioned to Emmett that he would be there shortly. Then, he went over to Debbie at the counter and heaved a sigh.

“What a day! I’ve only been here two hours, and already I’m exhausted.” Justin grinned at the woman, but his eyes reflected his true feelings.

“You said it, sunshine. Today has been the busiest day we’ve seen in a long time. I better go deal with them .” She motioned toward the table where the group sat. 

Justin patted her shoulder, “Don’t bother. I’ll handle it.” Then in a small whisper, “Besides, you know Brian is going to ask for me anyway.”

“I don’t understand that man.” Debbie looked toward her son and his best friend fondly.

“He definitely is an enigma.” Justin agreed before he trudged over to their table.

“What can I get you guys?” Justin tried to hold back a yawn, but it escaped anyway.

“Tired, baby?” Emmett commented, the concern dripping from his voice.

“Don’t worry about it. Just a long day. Had classes until 5, and then my shift here started at 6. I’m used to it.” Justin shrugged off Emmett’s concern and gave them a pointed look with his order pad ready.

The others at the table were busy giving Justin their order, so they didn’t notice the way Brian’s eyes turned soft as he looked Justin over. But Justin did. It was the first time since that night a few weeks ago that Brian seemed to show any interest in Justin outside of being his waiter.

“I’ll have turkey on…” Brian started to order, but Justin finished it for him.

“Whole grain. Tomato and lettuce with no mayo.”

“Word perfect,” Brian responded gently. There wasn’t his usual snark. As Justin walked away, he realized he missed it.

He was still distracted by Brian’s behavior a few minutes later. Debbie came up behind him and gently held the back of his head.

“What’s got you thinking so hard you don’t even hear me?” She smacked her gum and smiled at him.

“Sorry, Deb. It’s nothing.” Justin shook his head. He avoided bringing up Brian around Debbie as much as he possibly could. He knew she had mixed feelings about him, but even now, a few weeks into his tenure on Liberty Avenue, he knew most of her negative opinions on Brian were misguided.

Thinking better of it, Justin made an executive decision. He needed to get outside and breathe some fresh air. Clearing his head of his confusion over Brian was in order considering how flustered he currently was.

“Actually, Deb. Could I ask you a favor? When their order comes up, could you deliver it? I need to step out for a quick break.” Justin gave his best tired eyes, knowing they would work on the motherly woman.

“Sure thing, sunshine. Take all the time you need. Just be back in 15.” She winked at him with a chuckle.

Justin grinned, took off his apron, and then stepped through the back door to the alleyway. He paced back and forth between the door and the dumpster. He couldn’t figure Brian out, and that confused him. Up until now, Justin had prided himself on never having complicated feelings or emotions about anyone in his life. The closest he had ever come was with his father, but their recent exchange cured him of any love he had left for the man. No, Justin was someone who could look at a person, get to know them, and have a strong sense of who they were. But not with Brian.

The back door opened suddenly, and there he was in his tight black tee and jeans. Ready to go to Babylon with his friends. But instead of his usual snark or disdain, Brian had a face of concern.

Justin stopped his pacing and took a deep breath. “Why didn’t you snap at me or make a rude comment? I need you to make a rude comment!” 

Brian chuckled and licked his lips. “All this time, you’ve been begging me to be nicer, and for once, I didn’t give you a snide comment about finishing my sentence like we are some married couple, and you flip out.” 

Justin started to pace once more. He couldn’t stand still, and he couldn’t look at Brian for longer than a few seconds in fear that he might do something rash and impulsive, like kiss the guy. So, instead, he paced. 

“I really don’t understand you. You are the only person within the confines of Pittsburgh who acts like they detest me. So much so that I start to question whether or not you’re even gay. Because who doesn’t want this ?”

“Because I don’t want to immediately jump in your pants, you assume I’m not gay or that there’s something wrong with me? Could it be that you just aren’t my type?” Justin paused his pacing to give Brian a challenging look.

“I’m everyone’s type.” Brian shrugged.

With that, all the confusion and fight left Justin’s body, and he laughed. He shook his head at the profound conceitedness that was the Brian Kinney and full-on laughed. Justin laughed so hard he cried, and then he walked past Brian’s befuddled expression and went back to work. His confusion over the man was all but dissipated the moment he’d asserted his assumed godliness.

Justin worked the rest of his shift with an energy he’d been lacking before. Normalcy had been restored, and Brian was once again that bitchy business queen in his mind. His one moment of kindness and concern had been overshadowed by his arrogance. It was the way things should be.

That night after work, Justin went to Woody’s for a couple of drinks, where he ran into Emmett and Ted. The duo quickly welcomed him to join them as they scouted the room for potential partners for the evening. Around 2 am, they all packed it in and went home alone. However, Justin was sure Emmett was going to end up calling that cute Southern man he’d been flirting with for most of the night.

Justin walked the four blocks to his and Daphne’s place, his thoughts a million miles away. Once he arrived at their apartment and let himself in, he immediately went to bed. Daphne was a pre-med student, so she had early classes almost every single day. He knew they would chat in the morning over their cups of coffee and last-minute study sessions.

Sure enough, the next morning, Daphne woke him up half an hour early with a hot cup of coffee and the look of a best friend who wanted to talk.

“Mmm.” Justin took a sip from the proffered mug and smiled, “Thanks.”

“I feel like we keep missing each other. I haven’t seen you in days.” Daphne gave Justin her signature ‘you’re toast’ look.

“Between work and school, I barely have any time to myself.” Justin shrugged and leaned his back against his headboard. “Let alone time for freedom and fun.”

“I distinctly remember you telling me about a fun night at a gay club a few weeks ago.” Daphne crawled up the bed to position herself side-by-side with Justin.

“Yeah, well, I didn’t tell you the whole story.” Justin sighed and closed his eyes. This would be the first time he would be talking about the incident out loud.

“Oh?” Daphne sounded nonchalant and unconcerned, but Justin knew better. She was itching to know more.

“Emmett invited me to join him and Ted at this gay club Babylon after I got off work that Thursday night. So, having nothing better to do, I joined him.” Justin put his coffee mug down on the bedside dresser.

“Oh my god! How was it? I have always wanted to go to a gay club!” Daphne perked up, her excitement barely contained.

“You are a freak, you know that?” Justin laughed at his best friend before he continued. “Anyway, I enjoyed some time on the dance floor until this guy made a move to undo my pants. Without asking me.”

“Please tell me you punched him!” Daphne looked horrified at what could potentially happen to him.

“No, but Brian showed up and possessively pushed those guys away,” Justin responded. “And then he kept dancing with me until I wanted to go home. It was weird, like he wanted something from me but didn’t ask.”

“Brian. The Brian. The older guy who comes into the diner and constantly treats you like crap? That guy?” Daphne knew all about Brian because of how often Justin complained about him. But she didn’t know that Brian always gave Justin more of a tip than was necessary.

“Yep!”

“And?” Daphne turned to face him with an expectant look, but Justin didn’t have anything else to give her.

“And nothing. It’s been almost two weeks, and he hasn’t said a word to me about it. And before yesterday, our interactions at the diner and the few occasions I’ve seen him at Woody’s have all been the same. But, then yesterday, I was working the late shift, and his whole friend group came in, and instead of being rude and snarky to me, Brian was kind. Unnaturally kind, like invasion of the body snatchers.” Justin sat up completely and crossed his legs.

“He likes you!” Daphne squealed and put her hands on each of Justin’s biceps. She shook him excitedly as her grin grew more and more.

“What?! No! The guy is a conceited asshole.” Justin dismissed Daphne’s assertion. “Moments later, we were out back, and Brian told me he was everyone’s type.”

“Back up. Why were you both out back?” Daphne gave him a knowing look.

“I needed a breath of fresh air because it's all so confusing,” Justin exclaimed.

“And he followed you.” Daphne continued to give him a look. “Because he likes you.”

“No, Brian isn’t like that. He doesn’t do boyfriends or commitment of any kind. He is all about sex.”

“And that makes you upset because you like him, and you know the moment he learned you don’t like sex, he would stop being interested.” Daphne pulled her best friend into a deep hug.

“I shouldn’t like him, Daph. I know it won’t end well. But, he’s all I think about even when he’s not around.”

“Then you need to limit your time around him. At least until you are over him.” Daphne gave Justin one last squeeze before she got up to go shower and head to her first class.

“How? He comes into the diner every day. I can’t exactly quit my job. I need the money.”

“How about I start coming to the diner after my classes to help keep you focused?” Daphne stated. “That way, you can work and not get drawn any deeper under his spell.”

“Okay. We can try that.” Justin agreed as he, too, got up to get ready for classes.

The next day, Daphne was true to her word and deposited herself at the back corner booth to study while Justin did his Friday evening shift. Things were going well, and they hadn’t seen hide nor hair of Brian, despite seeing Ted and Emmett early in his shift. He was certain Brian wouldn’t show up that night when the man came breezing through the door. Only, he wasn’t his usual self. This time, Brian was wearing a white tee under his signature black leather jacket. His hair was a mess, and Justin was pretty sure the tee had some stains on them. Not only that, Brian was lugging a baby carrier on his right arm. Justin bit back a laugh at the image.

A loud squeal was all he heard before Debbie pushed him aside in favor of the baby.

“GUS!” Debbie cooed as she unbuckled the baby and held him in her arms. Justin wasn’t familiar enough with babies to guess his exact age, but he figured he looked to be a few months old.

“If you love him so much, you can take him.” Brian groused and slumped down onto the counter. “Lindsay thought I was responsible enough to take care of him for the weekend while she works and Mel is at her yenta mother’s.”

“Well, you are his father!” Debbie admonished him. “And don’t insult Mel or her mother.”

“It’s not as though Mel wouldn’t do the same with me.” Brian tried to argue. “Besides, I gave up my rights as his father the day he was born. That was our deal.”

“A piece of paper doesn’t erase DNA.” Debbie chided and handed the baby back to Brian.

Justin finally found his voice enough to snark out incredulously, “You’re a dad?”

“I donated my spunk to a couple of cwazy wesbians.” Brian parroted as he stared his son in the eyes and made a goofy face for his benefit, “That doesn’t make me a father.”

Justin didn’t say anything else. He didn’t know what to say. But it did end up making him think about his own father for the first time in ages, really think about him. Brian’s assertion that a sperm donation didn’t make him a father nor give him the responsibility of stepping up really got under Justin’s skin. His whole life, he believed his father loved him unconditionally. Despite their lack of connection or understanding, the man still loved him. Then, he learned quickly that there was one thing that could turn his father’s love off. Coming out as gay.

He walked away and let Debbie deal with him. He went over to Daphne’s booth and sat down. She didn’t say anything, but she placed her hand on his just the same. If anyone understood his complicated relationship with his dad, Daphne did.

“Don’t judge him.” Debbie’s voice floated above him. Justin looked up into the soft, dark eyes of the woman, “Remember what I said about how most people here have their own story? Well, Brian’s dad is probably the worst of them all.”

Justin silently looked at Debbie as he processed her words. “Just think about it, sunshine.”

As Justin continued his shift, he occasionally let his gaze wander over to Brian. Eventually, the man pulled out what looked like work as Gus slept in his baby carrier. Without a word, Justin refilled his coffee cup. He looked at Brian’s papers from across the counter. It was a bunch of artwork for what looked to be an ad.

“Can I?” Justin motioned to the ad Brian was fussing over.

Brian looked at Justin and then at the ad. “Sure, I can’t quite figure out why I don’t like it.”

Justin looked it over. The people in the image looked happy enough; the words stood out. Then he saw it. 

“You need to change the color of the font. Right now, the blue gives the image’s happiness a bitter tinge, making it sad. You want people to love the idea of this product. The text should be orange to invigorate them.” Justin gave a tight smile as he handed the ad back to Brian.

He started to move away and see to the people who had just sat down at Table 4 when Brian grabbed at his hand.

“How do you know?” The man looked genuinely interested to know how it was that Justin could see what he had missed.

“I’m an art major at PIFA with an interest in graphic art.” Justin shrugged and then went back to work, leaving Brian to contemplate what he’d just said.

By the time Justin was able to make it back over to Brian at the counter, another thirty minutes had passed, and he was now feeding the baby a bottle. Justin hung back to watch how gentle and unguarded Brian was around the little boy who shared his genetic material. Despite what Brian had said, Justin could see firsthand just how much Brian actually loved his son.

“You know, just because dad’s before us have fucked everything up doesn’t mean you can’t do things differently,” Justin whispered, filled Brian’s cup again, and then walked away to clock out and gather up Daphne so they could go home.

He was just out the door when Brian’s hand landed on his bicep to stop him. Daphne gave him a look and motioned that she would be just up the block. Justin silently begged her to stay right there, but she shook her head and left.

Justin turned around and gave Brian a smile. The two stood there in awkward silence for a few minutes before Brian bit his lip. Justin noticed that his hands were doing that weird thing they did when he was uncomfortable or nervous, where he had his fingers battling each other for dominance.

“Look, I just wanted to say thank you.” Brian took a deep breath. His face looked pained, as though it took so much out of him to admit that simple phrase.

“Oh. It was no big deal.” Justin waved him off and moved to reunite with Daphne. 

But Brian stopped him once more by grabbing his arm. Only this time, the force spun Justin around until he was in Brian’s chest, and the older man’s arms were wrapped around his torso. Justin knew he should leave right then. No good would come out of whatever was bound to happen next.

“I don’t understand you.” Brian whispered, “The minute a guy doesn’t show interest in me, I forget him. But with you, I can’t stop.”

“Uhh.” Justin’s mouth was suddenly dry. “I, um, I’m sorry?” Justin tried, not really sure what Brian wanted from him.

“I don’t believe in love. I believe in fucking. It’s honest. It’s efficient. You get in and out with a maximum of pleasure and a minimum of bullshit. And yet, for some reason, I can’t quite get you out of my head.”

Justin couldn’t seem to get the words out at first, his brain in overdrive trying to process whatever it was that Brian was saying. He finally managed after what felt like hours.

“I believe in love and commitment. I’m not a fan of sex. It makes things messy and complicated.”

“I should be running away. And yet, all I want to do is get closer to you.” Brian admitted before he leaned over and placed his lips on Justin’s.

The heat that immediately radiated from Brian’s body and into Justin at their contact almost stopped his heart. This kiss was like nothing Justin had ever felt before. If lightning were to strike him down at that moment, he would die happy. Their kiss continued long enough for Brian’s tongue to ask for entrance into Justin’s mouth. That little tap woke Justin up, and the magic was gone. He pulled out of Brian’s touch entirely.

The two stared at one another and muttered, “Fuck.” at the same time, but with entirely different meanings.

Then Justin ran to Daphne, putting as much space between him and Brian as he could.

*****

January

Over the next few weeks, Justin only saw Brian at the diner a handful of times. Each time they avoided each other like the plague. Of course, Justin tried to avoid going out, considering they shared a mutual friend in Emmett. But Emmett wouldn’t hear anything of it and forced Justin to participate in trips to Woody’s or Babylon. Justin needn’t have worried, though. Brian was never there when Justin did go.

About fifteen days after their kiss – no, Justin was not counting – Emmett came into the diner during one of Justin’s rare breakfast shifts. He was all smiles and bouncing with excitement. He clapped his hands as he sat down at the counter and ordered two donuts.

“What are you doing this afternoon?” Emmett’s tone was full of wonder and sunshine. Justin grinned at his new friend and shook his head.

“Do I want to know what you have up your sleeve?” The blonde raised one of his eyebrows and placed a plate with the donuts down in front of the slightly older man.

Emmett’s ensemble today teetered on the edge of being too loud. He had on a tight, hot pink long-sleeved number and a pair of pink floral pants to match. 

“A lady never reveals her secrets.” Emmett gave a coy smile and winked. He cut a piece of the donut and pierced it with his fork before he continued. “Actually, the Gay and Lesbian Center is having a fundraiser planning meeting this afternoon. They want to do an art show next month, and I figured you’re gay and an artist, so you are perfect to participate in the committee.”

“An art show? Are they still looking for artist participation?” Justin asked, wholly intrigued now.

“No idea,” Emmett tapped his pointer finger on the counter and added, “But you can ask them at the meeting this afternoon.”

Justin rolled his eyes and then agreed to attend the meeting alongside Emmett. If Emmett wasn’t so wholesome and sweet with a wicked sense of humor, Justin doubted the man would be able to get Justin to do half the things he did.

A few hours later, Justin walked down Liberty Avenue in the opposite direction than he normally went. As he walked, he pulled a navy cable knit sweater over the t-shirt he’d worn all morning at the diner. He didn’t want to arrive at this meeting looking gross and disheveled. After all, he’d been raised to always present his best self, especially when doing volunteer work. Upon arriving at the GLC, he immediately spotted Emmett and Ted. The two were talking to a couple of women he didn’t recognize. One was petite with short reddish brown hair, while the other was a bit taller with gorgeous blonde hair just past her shoulders. The blonde woman was holding an infant in her arms. 

Justin approached the group with a smile. 

“Hey, Em. Ted.” He nodded and gave each man a small wave.

“Oh! Justin! You have to meet Melanie and Lindsay. They are friends of ours who just had a baby a few months ago. Which is why you’ve never seen them before.” Emmett excitedly introduced the petite woman and then the blonde.

“That, and we don’t go to Woody’s or Babylon. And we rarely eat at the diner.” The petite one, Mel said with a snark that could rival Brian’s. Justin shook the thought of the other man out of his head.

“Oh, Justin, you must be the artist Emmett keeps gushing to me about. He said you were a bit shy about your work, so he wasn’t sure if you’d come to help out.” The blonde turned so Justin could see her more clearly. When she did, he noticed the baby in her arms.

“OH! You are Gus’ moms! I met him a few weeks ago at the diner. Debbie was holding him while Brian did some work.” Justin cooed at the baby and gave him some smiles to see if he would respond.

“Brian had Gus at the diner?!” Mel asked; she looked about ready to spit fire. “Why did Brian have Gus, Lindsay?”

“It was the weekend you went to Miami, and I had to work. I distinctly remember telling you about it.” Lindsay appeared unfazed by Mel’s reaction.

Justin bit his lip and cowered back a bit. He hadn’t meant to cause a problem. Just as he was beating himself up for opening his mouth at all, Lindsay turned to him with kind eyes.

“I’m so glad you’ve met Gus already. Isn’t he just the sweetest?” 

“I honestly don’t know.” Justin chuckled. “He’s a baby. I only saw him for a brief moment.”

“Well, trust me, he is.” Lindsay smiled, and for some reason, much like with Debbie, Justin felt safe.

“So, tell me more about the art that you do.” Lindsay officially switched gears, and Justin let out the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.

“I do a lot of sketching and still life right now. Occasionally I experiment with colors and brush strokes on bigger canvas’. But that’s only when I can afford them.” Justin loved talking about his art. Soon he and Lindsay delved into a conversation about the merits of lead pencil vs. charcoal when making sketches and still lifes.

He hadn’t felt this invigorated by art in a very long time. Sure, his classes were great, teaching him a lot about the history of art forms and allowing him to explore the various classic forms. But he hadn’t felt truly inspired in months. Not since his father put the axe down, forcing Justin to prioritize surviving over creating.

“What year are you in school?” Mel asked, having calmed down from her previous Brian-related ire.

“I’m a freshman at PIFA,” Justin replied with his signature smile.

“Wow. That’s impressive.”

“My father wanted me to go to Dartmouth, but I chose PIFA. So, he cut me off. Well, that and the whole gay thing.” Justin shrugged. Over the last few months, he’d become more comfortable admitting his parents' shortcomings. The people who frequented Liberty Avenue understood and never judged.

“What about your mother? Does she support your artistic aspirations?” Lindsay asked, gazing down at Gus.

“She does, but she also doesn’t know how she feels about me being gay. So, she sticks by my father.”

“Well, they are both missing out on a wonderful person.” Emmett cut in with his own two cents. It was something he said to Justin anytime the teen got a bit wistful about his parents.

“Hanging out with Emmett and the gang, I’m sure you’ve managed to meet half of gay Pittsburgh by now.” Mel chuckled and took Gus from Lindsay.

Justin just laughed and shook his head while Emmett laughed and responded.

“Not hardly. I’m lucky if I can drag this kid out of his apartment more than one time a week. At Woody’s, he nurses like 2 drinks over the span of a few hours and never pays attention to any of the guys cruising him. IF I can manage to convince him to join us at Babylon, he dances but goes home alone.”

“I’m just not focused on casual sex. It creates a mess and hurt feelings, which I don’t have time for.” Justin shrugged off Emmett’s pointed look.

“I still don’t believe you. I think you secretly have a boyfriend that you aren’t telling us about. No 18-year-old can pass up sex as much as you do.” Emmett pulled Justin under his arm and squeezed him close.

“I’m just not interested.” Justin shrugged and made a point to pay attention to the two people at the front of the room who had finally stood up to get everyone’s attention.

The subject was dropped, but Justin knew he needed to come up with something better to say soon, or else it would lead to more questions. Emmett was fine with Justin being who he was and not participating in the scene, but at what point will others bother him about it? Maybe saying I have a boyfriend isn’t such a bad idea.

By the end of the meeting, Justin had put his name down to provide a handful of artwork pieces for the fundraiser. He was excited for more people to see some of the work he’d been honing since starting at PIFA. However, his excitement was nothing on Emmett’s. The whole walk back to Justin’s apartment Emmett was stopping random people on the sidewalk to tell them his friend was going to be featured in an art show. Most people would’ve been embarrassed, but Justin loved it. It showed him that someone besides himself cared about his creativity.

*****

February

The day before the GLC Art Show, Justin emailed his teachers, letting them know he was sick and wouldn’t be able to attend classes. It was a Friday, so he only had 2 classes to worry about, and both of them were practicals versus lectures. He had already gotten Friday and Saturday off at the diner; it would be tight for a couple of weeks because of it. But this art show meant the world to him.

Daphne even staved off her classes for the day so she could help him set up his art at the gallery. He had five pieces that he’d submitted for review, and they had all been approved. The first was a sketch he’d done of the diner during a graveyard shift; at the counter was an exhausted Debbie leaning on her hand, her elbow propping her up. The next piece was a charcoal of his little sister Molly dancing in her summer recital, the last event he’d been allowed to go to as part of his family. There were also two still lifes that Justin had drawn of the coffee pots at the diner and the display of cereal boxes above them. 

Finally, the one drawing in his collection that he was most nervous about, the one that he was sure would reveal his innermost emotions. It depicted a moment from a few weeks ago when Brian had been at the diner late at night with Gus, the night they had kissed for the first time. Justin had been such a mess after that he’d gone home and immediately drawn Brian at the counter feeding Gus. He managed to capture every detail, from Brian’s tired but loving gaze down to the worn look of the diner counter and stools. At first, Justin hadn’t wanted to put it in the show, not wanting to part with it, but then he decided that this drawing, most of all, spoke of who he was now.

They were almost done framing each piece when Lindsay showed up to volunteer. She had Gus with her in his carrier. He was decked out in a cute pair of baby overalls and a green plaid underneath. On his feet were the cutest pair of tan boots Justin had ever seen. For all he knew about babies, Justin was quickly becoming enamored with this one. He was such a calm, quiet child and loved all the attention everyone gave him. Justin knew the moment Daphne flipped over the drawing of Brian because he heard Lindsay gasp.

“Oh, Justin! It’s beautiful.” She held the frame in her hands, studying it. Her eyes stopped on Brian long enough for Justin to realize that she, too, like everyone else, was enamored with the man. It was more than just looking at the man who made having a child possible. No, Lindsay was in love with him.

“Thank you.” Justin stood up from where he’d been squatting to entertain Gus, “That night was…interesting.” 

He shared a glance with Daphne, who imperceptively shook her head. She was right. It wasn’t the time to divulge that particular secret.  

“I’m sure seeing Brian take care of a baby was entertaining, to say the least.” Lindsay chuckled and then handed the framed drawing back to Daphne. The two friends hugged Lindsay goodbye, and the older woman went over the see what she could do to assist some of the other artists.

Once she was out of earshot, Daphne let out the breath she had apparently been holding. “Justin, you can’t tell her about what happened that night. Especially considering you haven’t even spoken to Brian about it yet.”

“I wasn’t going to. I barely know her. Honestly, the most I was going to say was Brian was great with Gus from what I saw.” Justin rolled his eyes at his oldest friend. Honestly, does she really think that I’m going to talk about the kiss with a practical stranger?

“Anyway, I told Emmett I would meet him for lunch at that taco shop a few blocks away. You wanna join us?” Justin hung the last of his art on the wall and gave Daphne a look.

“Nah. I should go back to the apartment and study for my chem final.” Daphne gave Justin a hug.

“Oh, please. We both know you are going to IM that cute guy from your lab. What was his name? Eric?” Justin playfully jabbed at Daphne, and she reciprocated by putting her arm around his shoulder and pulling him against her.

“Derek? And, no. I won’t be IMing him.” Daphne gave a devilish grin and left the GLC. Justin knew she had been lying, but he didn’t care. It was great to see her this happy. She’d given up a lot in the past few months to make sure Justin felt safe and secure.

He walked the few blocks to meet Emmett in silence. His mind wandered back to that night five weeks ago. He had definitely enjoyed kissing Brian. It had electrified him in a way he wasn’t used to feeling. If Justin were being honest with himself, he’d admit that he wanted to do it again. But he also knew that Brian was probably the most promiscuous person he knew. It wasn’t fair to him, and it definitely wasn’t fair to Brian to pursue whatever it was happening between them.

Justin arrived at the taco shop to find that Emmett was already there and snacking away on a couple of fish tacos. Justin approached the counter and ordered a couple of chicken ones for himself. Once the man on the other side handed him the food, he went and sat down next to Emmett. 

“Hey, Em. How’s work going?” Justin asked with a smile before taking a bite of his taco.

“It’s going. People are still buying the tackiest of clothes. The biggest tragedy is that I have to ignore it completely and sell the items to them.” Emmett waved his hands around in emphasis.

“I would not like to have your job. Dealing with impatient, rude queens at the diner is bad enough.”

“Speaking of bitchy queens.” Emmett started a mischievous glint in his eyes. Justin gulped. He knew exactly where this was going.

“I have no idea what you mean.” He responded evasively.

“Oh, honey. Everyone on Liberty Avenue who has eyes can see it.” Emmett began. He turned and forced Justin to do the same so that they were looking into each other’s eyes. “For months now, I have kept my mouth shut, but it’s killing me, so I have to ask. What the hell is going on with you and Brian? Is he why you avoid every opportunity I throw your way to have sex with randoms?”

Justin finished his first taco and was well into his second one before he found the right words to say in response. Luckily, Emmett backed off and gave him the chance to collect himself.

“First of all, I’m not interested in sex. That’s why I won’t take any of the guys you suggest home with me. I legitimately don’t care one way or the other about having sex.” Justin took a deep breath and paused before he continued. 

“Secondly, there is nothing going on between me and Brian. We are on complete opposite ends of the gay experience spectrum, and besides, he annoys the shit out of me.”

“Bullshit!” Emmett exclaimed immediately after Justin stopped talking. “Not about the sex; we can come back to that part. I mean about you and Brian.”

“Well, I hate to disappoint.” Justin started, but Emmett cut him off.

“I have known that man for many years now. He never shows an interest in anyone unless they are practically begging him to have sex with them right there. Brian Kinney is a fuck ‘em and leave ‘em type. And yet, with you…” Emmett trailed off. Justin could tell his friend didn’t quite have the words to explain it.

“It’s like when my Uncle Mel was raising cattle. Every new calf born, once they were weaned, he immediately put it to pasture to mature and grow enough to sell it for a profit. That is until one of the calves had trouble being born. Then, my uncle, well, he started to care about that little guy, and so when it was strong enough and should’ve been sent out to pasture, my Uncle Mel refused.” Emmett looked expectantly at Justin, but the blonde was even more lost than before.

“Did you just liken me to a cow?” Justin stared at the Southern queen.

“You missed the point entirely.” Emmett jumped up dramatically, went over to the counter to order another taco, and then came back in a huff. “I meant that Brian doesn’t get attached. Ever. Half the time, I’m certain he doesn’t even like me or Ted. But you’re different.”

“I don’t know what you’re seeing, Emmett, but the Brian I see is a conceited, selfish prick.” Justin avoided the obvious times Brian hadn’t been a dick.

“Then explain what happened that night at Babylon? Or the fact that he was nice to you that one day at the diner, and you freaked out. Brian followed you. When he came back, he said it was because he needed to change his order, but I wasn’t born yesterday, and I’m not an idiot.” 

Justin didn’t respond. Instead, he stared at his hands and avoided Emmett’s piercing, all-knowing eyes.

“And don’t tell me there isn’t something going on. For the last five weeks, Brian has refused to join us at the diner. He claims it’s because he’s busy at work. But, on the nights I mention you are coming with me to Woody’s or Babylon, he avoids those places too.” Emmett grabbed Justin’s hands in his, forcing the blonde to look up. “Spill.”

Justin sighed. He knew he wasn’t going to get out of this uncomfortable situation. “Fine, a few weeks ago, Brian came into the diner while he was on Gus duty. He had brought some work along with him, and I helped him with the ad he couldn’t figure out.” The teen paused only to have Emmett motion him to continue. The man was rapt with attention, hanging onto Justin’s every word.

“He was still there when my shift ended. I was trying to leave with Daphne when he stopped me outside on the sidewalk. We talked briefly, and then he kissed me.” Justin shrugged. To him, this wasn’t earth-shattering, but to Emmett, it was as if Christmas had come early.

“Are you kidding me?! Baby! This is huge.”

“Huh? It was just a kiss.” Justin shrugged.

“Brian only kisses people, who aren’t Michael, when he’s having sex with them.” Emmett replied, then quickly added, “Don’t ask me how I know this.”

Justin snorted. “Well, we definitely weren’t having sex.”

“Exactly my point. Brian kissed you despite not having sex with you. AND he protected you at Babylon that one night.”

Justin still couldn’t see how any of this news was worthy of a ticker tape parade, as Emmett seemed to be making it.

“Sunshine. Brian must care about you. If he’s going around trying to save you from unwanted advances and kissing you. This is huge. Just trust me.”

“That’s nice. It doesn’t mean anything to me. I’m still not interested in having sex. And Brian isn’t interested in being, in his words, some married couple.” Justin got up to throw out his trash.

Emmett followed him, and the two friends started to walk back toward the GLC. They moved in companionable silence until they were halfway there. Then Emmett finally spoke up. His voice was serious.

“Joking aside, Brian has walls up because of his family. He doesn’t put those walls down for anyone. But something tells me that right before he kissed you, he gave you a peak inside. You need to talk to him. Give him a chance.”

“I can’t,” Justin admitted with a sad sigh.

“Why not?”

“Because I may never be interested in sex, and his whole identity centers on it. We would never work.”

Emmett reached out and stopped Justin in his tracks. He urged the blonde to turn and face him completely before he spoke once more.

“Talk to him. I know Debbie and Ted make him out to be completely unreasonable. But I know underneath his defense mechanisms beats the heart of a man who just wants to be understood. I’m just saying, give him a chance.”

Justin nodded, and the two set off toward the GLC once more.

The next day, Justin wore his best pair of jeans and a light blue button-down with his dark navy cable knit over it. This sweater was one of the few things he had left from his parents. It was Brooks Brothers. The only reason he knew that was because his mother made sure he knew it when she gifted it to him for Christmas his senior year. Justin knew the sweater probably made him seem pretentious, considering the event, but it was the only nice sweater he currently owned, and he wanted to look his best.

Justin had no expectations of selling any of his art. None of it was particularly spectacular or even meaningful to anyone outside of himself. Except maybe the one of Brian, but Lindsay was the only one who truly cared about it, and she wasn’t able to afford the price tag. She had told him as much yesterday when he had returned to the center with Emmett. Justin had already decided that if it didn’t sell today, he would gift the drawing to her. If anyone deserved to have it, it was her.

He was nervously standing in front of his section of the exhibit when he looked up and saw his mother enter the center. He hadn’t seen her in months. Not since the day his father handed him $2000 and told him that if he insisted on continuing with his disgusting lifestyle, he could leave. So, Justin had packed up a few of his things and left. That day, his mother hugged him and told him she loved him and that she would talk to his father. Nothing came of that, and so Justin and Mrs. Taylor hadn’t spoken since August. Five months of complete silence from the one person Justin had thought he could always count on.

“Mom?!” Justin accepted her hug, shock still evident on his face.

“Oh, my sweet boy!” His mother’s lavender scent permeated every cell in Justin’s body as they continued to embrace. “Daphne told me your art was going to be featured. I had to come and see.”

“Why haven’t you called me back? I tried calling you a couple times these last few months.” Justin asked, vulnerably barely above a whisper.

“Justin.” His mom’s voice held so much unsaid emotion, and he knew the response that was coming. “Your dad. He is adamant about his decision.”

“Then what are you doing here? How’d you explain it to him?” Justin steeled himself against the tears that threatened to fall.

“He’s in Aspen for the weekend. He says it's for work, but I know it’s not.” She looked away from Justin and toward the art on the wall behind him. “Oh, Justin! This is beautiful.” 

She stood before the sketch he had made of Molly at her dance recital. There was a sadness to her that Justin had never seen before. His mom had always been strong, stoic, and proud. But the woman before him was fragile and cracked. He knew that he was to blame for that. If he’d just stayed in the closet, his father wouldn’t have made her choose between her husband and her son.

“Yeah, I drew this right after her recital back in July. The last thing we did together as a family.” Justin stepped forward and silently forgave his mom for the sacrifices she had to make. “I miss her.”

“She misses you too.” Mrs. Taylor turned to her son and placed a gentle hand on his cheek. “She asks me at least once a week when your father is going to let you come home.”

“I’m sorry. I caused everyone so much pain. That was never my intention.” Justin started to apologize but stopped when his mom moved her hand to his chest.

“We’re getting a divorce.” 

“What?” Justin shook his head slightly, trying to make sense of the news. “I can’t let you leave him because I messed up.”

“Oh, honey. I’m not leaving him because you messed up. He did. Your father was wrong to cut you off from us completely. I’m just sorry it took me this long to see it.” His mom pulled him into another hug. Justin could feel the tears escape before he had the chance to swipe them away.

They were still hugging when Brian walked over. Justin wasn’t even aware that he’d even come. But there he was in all his glory. It was the first time they were face to face since the night they kissed, right before Christmas. And here he was, crying. Justin pulled out of his mom’s embrace and quickly wiped his cheeks to divulge them of any tear tracks. 

He cleared his throat, “H-hello, Brian. Shocked to see you here.”

Brian gave his signature smirk and tucked his tongue into his cheek before he responded. “I heard that a local artist had drawn the likes of me. So, naturally, I had to come check it out.”

“Of course.” Justin tucked his lips between his teeth and softly chuckled.

Mrs. Taylor cleared her throat and gave Justin a pointed look. He took a deep breath in and then exhaled before he turned to Brian.

“Mom, this is Brian. Brian, this is my mom.”

“How do you know my son?” Justin’s mom asked as Brian shook her hand.

“He works at the diner. We all eat there from time to time. You get to know one another. It’s a small community.” He gave her his most charming smile, but when he looked over her shoulder to Justin, his look changed. There was something charged about the way his gaze bore into Justin’s eyes.

“Yeah. Brian works for a local ad agency. His best friend’s mom is my boss.” Justin let out the breath he’d been holding and added a bit more context.

“Like I said, small community,” Brian whispered and then ducked his head.

“So, Justin. Tell me about these other pieces.” Justin turned his attention away from Brian, who was now studying the sketch of himself, and back to his mom.

“This one here is called The Graveyard Shift. It’s of the diner where I work. My boss typically picks up that shift because no one else wants it. That’s her, there.” Justin pointed to the drawing positioned to the right of the one of Molly. 

“I had no idea you were working at a diner.” Mrs. Taylor whispered, her tone dripping with awe for the talent her son displayed in his art. “I figured you had to be working somewhere. I just never expected it to be a diner.”

“I needed to join the gay community here. For myself.” Justin took his mom’s hands in his and looked her in the eyes, begging her to understand.

“Of course.” Mrs. Taylor removed her hands from Justin’s only to wrap one of her arms around his shoulder and took in the next two drawings, his still lifes. “I’m so proud of you.”

Justin just smiled and didn’t say a word. Brian was still standing there staring at the drawing of himself and Gus, but Justin didn’t care if the man heard every word. It was important to him that his mom had shown up. At first, he was ready to murder Daphne, but now that they’d had a chance to talk, Justin could see she loved him. There was still so much they needed to talk through and work out if she ever wanted to be as big a part of Justin’s life as she used to be, but her showing up today was huge. She knew it, Justin knew it, and from the subtle smile on Brian’s face, he knew it as well.

“Justin!” He was pulled out of his thoughts by the breathless exclamation of his mom, who had just reached the drawing of Brian. Justin smiled to himself, knowing that she loved it as much as he did.

“I drew that a few weeks ago, right before Christmas.” Justin tried to nonchalantly shrug it off as no big deal. 

But then Brian did something unexpected. He wrapped himself around Justin from behind and muttered against his ear, but loud enough that Justin’s mom could hear, “You got every detail correct. All the way down to the expression on Gus’ face when he eats.”

“Is this you?” Mrs. Taylor addressed Brian. 

He didn’t let go of Justin, but his face pulled back a bit in order to respond. “Your son drew me and my son.”

“This truly is a work of art.” Mrs. Taylor turned back to stare at the drawing once more. 

Brian pulled Justin away from his mom and over to a corner of the room where barely anyone else stood. Justin wasn’t sure what Brian’s intentions were, and Justin didn’t know if he’d be able to stop him if the older man decided to kiss him again, especially not with what Brian was wearing. The man was dressed in a form-fitting black sweater and a pair of nice but tight slacks.

“Why do you look as though you are going to shit yourself?” Brian finally asked once they were alone. “I’ve been watching you since I arrived, and you’ve only become more distressed the more time passes.”

“What?” Justin was expecting any number of things to come out of Brian’s mouth, but concern for him was not one of them.

“Did I use any particularly hard-to-understand words?” Brian teased.

“You’ve been watching me?” Justin’s voice came out in a squeak.

Brian pinched the bridge of his nose. “When you say it like that, I sound insane.”

“Well, I’m not the one watching people.”

“No, you’re just the one crying and looking distressed. Is it your mom?” Brian put a hand on Justin’s shoulder and looked him over critically. “Because I know how to handle crappy moms.”

“My mom is fine. We just…” Justin sighed, his throat closing up and tears forming in his eyes once more. “FUCK.”

Brian didn’t say anything or remove his hand from Justin’s shoulder. He just let the blonde process whatever emotions he needed to process in order to get the words out. Justin was grateful for that.

“In August, my dad kicked me out of the house with nothing but a small bag of clothes and things and a couple grand in cash. My mom tried to stop him, but he told her she had to choose.” Justin licked his lips, “She chose him. Until now. Now, she said she’s divorcing him and that she’s sorry.”

“Do you believe her?” Brian’s voice was calm, quiet, and gentle. Something Justin was still getting used to hearing from him.

“I want to.” The ‘but’ Justin wants to say remains unsaid.

“But her initial reaction and choice hurt you.” Brian finished his thought correctly.

“Yeah.”

Brian moved his hand to cup Justin’s cheek. He leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on Justin’s lips. “You have to do what brings you happiness. Who cares what anyone else thinks.” 

Their foreheads connected as Justin closed his eyes and tried to get his racing heart under control.

“I meant what I said a few weeks ago. I should be running away, but all I want to do is get closer to you.”

Justin took a few deep breaths before he responded. “And I meant what I said. I may never want sex.”

Justin pulled away from Brian entirely and headed over to chat with Debbie and Lindsay, who were by the drink station. He needed to clear his head. Being around Brian was never good for the logical side of his brain, which he needed for this event. 

“Hey, Sunshine!” Debbie greeted him with a smile. “I met your mom. She’s a very nice lady.”

“Yeah. She’s pretty great.” Justin shrugged his shoulders; he couldn’t hide anything from Debbie, so he decided that he didn’t even want to try.

“Justin,” Justin’s mom’s voice floated from behind. Before he turned around to face her, Justin plastered a fake smile on his face. 

“I have to go pick up Molly from a playdate, but I wanted to tell you how proud I am of you. Your art means something.” She wrapped him in a hug.

“Thanks, Mom,” Justin replied, letting her hug him tightly. He never wanted the safety and security he felt in her arms to go away, but as soon as they pulled apart, it did. To be replaced by the uncertainty her presence now brought.

After she was gone, Justin turned back to Debbie and Lindsay, who stood there in sympathetic silence. Then, he was wrapped up in Debbie’s arms once more. This time when the tears fell from his eyes, he let them.

“She came. That’s a big deal. Forget that she hasn’t spoken to you in months. She was here today, of all days, to support you. Remember that. She loves you.” Debbie whispered sagely.

Justin spent the next hour walking around and mingling with the other artists on display. He learned that the GLC offered free art courses in a studio from time to time but that for more advanced artists, the time in class was better spent working on something else. Justin made a note to look into attending these free courses once school was on break for the summer. He had almost managed to make it through the rest of the show without another interaction with Brian when the man cornered him. 

It was ten minutes to the end, and Justin was back to standing near his art. Brian sidled up next to him with his signature mischievous smile on his lips.

“You know, I heard a tired old queen telling his friend that your art lacks a certain sex appeal.” Brian gently nudged Justin’s shoulder with his own.

“Did you now.” Justin smiled. The two stood side-by-side, not even making eye contact.

“Yes, but clearly, they hadn’t seen the drawing of me because I ooze sex appeal. Even in charcoal.”

Justin shook his head and laughed. “Never lose your self-entitlement.”

“Are you finally admitting you find me charming?” 

Justin didn’t respond. He didn’t have to because a moment later, Brian continued.

“Never lose your artistic eye. You see the world differently than most people. You always manage to find the nugget of goodness inside everyone.”

“It’s something that could get you any job you want once you graduate. Even in the art department at Ryder.” Brian finished, and then he was gone. 

Later, when Justin was taking down his art display, he was informed that someone bought his drawings of Molly and Brian. He couldn’t be sure who bought the one of Molly, but he’d bet big money that Brian was now the proud owner of his sketch of him and Gus.

*****

After the art show, there was a seismic shift in Brian and Justin’s dynamic. Instead of pulling away again, Brian went back to his usual daily visits to the diner, and Justin occasionally saw him out at Woody’s and Babylon. They still snarked at each other, but there was a kindness under the surface with everything Brian threw at him.

Justin was so used to Brian’s new way of behaving that it took him a few days before he realized that Brian was coming into the diner at the start or end of every one of his shifts. This way, the brunette could help him start his shift on a positive note or walk with him back to his apartment at the end of it. Some days, Brian chatted with him as they walked the couple of blocks, and sometimes, it was a comfortable silence.

They still didn’t talk about the kiss, or rather the two kisses they had shared. It was an unspoken event between them that pushed their bond beyond the typical casual acquaintance. Justin was itching to ask Brian to define what they were, but he knew the man rarely talked about anything of consequence, especially not if it pertained to romantic entanglements. But, nevertheless they persisted and created a new routine that Justin was greatly coming to love.

It wasn’t until the last day of February that Justin even noticed something was amiss within the friend group. For the first time in ages, all four of them were sat at their designated booth at the diner when Justin arrived for his Saturday morning shift. Justin quickly put on his apron and brought a few glasses of water to the table.

“All I’m saying, Mikey, is you’ve always celebrated your birthday with us,” Brian said as Justin arrived.

“It’s not my fault that David surprised me with this Parisian trip at the last second. He even cleared it with my manager before telling me.” Michael whined and glared up at Justin, “Do you mind?”

“Ignore him, Justin,” Emmett responded gently as he patted the blonde’s hip and gave Michael a look that could kill.

“You could turn him down, you know. Tell him you have a long-standing tradition of celebrating your birthday with your best friends. Paris can wait.” Brian flipped his coffee mug over and held it up so Justin could fill it.

“Like hell, it can!” Debbie screeched as she, too, approached the table. “Mikey, baby. This is a trip of a lifetime, and David is the guy of a lifetime. You turn him down, he might not wait around.”

“I’m with Debbie,” Ted finally added his two cents. “Take this trip. We can celebrate your birthday when we get back.”

“If David lets him,” Brian muttered under his breath. No one paid him any mind except for Debbie, who smacked him upside the head.

“David doesn’t stop me from spending time with you guys.” Michael tried to reassure Brian, but it was futile.

“No, only me.” Brian scoffed into his coffee as he took a sip. “He feels threatened by our friendship.”

“That’s not true.” Michael protested once more. 

“Really? Then why haven’t you been out to Babylon in the last few months or eaten meals here with us?” Emmett came to Brian’s defense without calling attention to what he was doing.

“I’m turning 30. You have to grow up sometime.” Michael shrugged, but even Justin could tell he didn’t believe a word he was saying. 

Justin hadn’t had the opportunity to meet this David person, but from what he could tell about this conversation, Michael deserved better. Justin got the sneaking suspicion that Michael was settling for David in the hopes that Brian might get jealous and wise up. If only Michael knew the number of times, Brian walked Justin home from his shift or stuck around for a good chunk of a graveyard shift to keep Justin company.

Sure, Justin still didn’t know how to define what it was that he and Brian were doing. But he did know that Brian would only ever see Michael as his brother, nothing more. Justin wished Brian was more willing to be open about his emotions. Maybe then Michael would be able to move on.

Switching gears, Emmett gave a wicked smile and said, “I went home with an undertaker last night. He wanted me to lie as still as possible, and when I asked why he said, ‘I like them stiff.’ What about you guys?”

The whole group shuddered and then laughed. Justin took their orders and walked away. Before he was out of earshot, he heard Brian say, without any inflection, four words that stopped him cold.

“My dad has cancer.”

“What?!” Michael immediately jumped into empathetic friend mode, “Did he say how bad it is?”

“He’s terminal,” Brian said in a monotone once more. “Who the fuck cares anyway. Jack Kinney can burn in hell.” The final words came out of Brian at a slightly higher inflection than the rest.

Justin continued to hover nearby, curious about where this conversation was going to go. From the stricken look on Emmett’s face, Justin could surmise that this was typically how Brian spoke of his father. Ted stared at his place at the table, clearly choosing to stay out of whatever was happening around him.

“You don’t actually mean that, Brian. Show some respect.” Michael’s voice was overly positive, which was grating on Justin’s nerves.

At that moment, the call came out for the group’s orders, so Justin had to step away. And by the time he made it back to the table, Michael and Brian were no longer sitting next to each other. In his absence, it seemed as though Emmett and Michael had swapped. The two best friends weren’t even acknowledging each other’s presence. Instead, Michael was engaging Ted in a conversation about the latest sale at The Big Q.

Justin exchanged a look with Emmett, who shook his head. So, Justin set each plate down without a sound and walked away once more. Emmett’s silent warning to not speak to Brian didn’t stop Justin from observing him as he ate. For the first time ever, Justin saw the man simply shuffle food around on his plate without eating anything. He’d never say it, but Justin could tell that Brian was broken up about the news of his dad. 

Much like Justin was with his father, Brian didn’t know how to articulate the many feelings running through his body right now. Justin quietly went about his business serving the other tables around the group, not coming back until it seemed they were ready to clear out. He managed to grab up all their plates in one go and was about to place the ticket on the table when Brian reached out and grabbed it.

Their hands touched for longer than was necessary, and Justin looked into Brian’s eyes. Without a word, Justin could hear Brian loud and clear. You get it.

“I got this,” Brian exclaimed and pulled out some bills, handing them to Justin with a wink. The group then left the diner, already mixed up in the next topic of conversation.

Justin gave a sad smile when he saw that Brian had left him a $15 tip. The man couldn’t speak his feelings into being, but he could supply Justin with tips bigger than necessary to show how much he cared. 

Justin closed the till and went over to Debbie to ask for a break. 

“Hey, Deb. Can I take a quick break?” Justin asked the woman. 

Her shirt today had a huge rooster on it with OF THE WALK underneath it. Justin chuckled and shook his head. Debbie’s shirts were his favorite part of working at the diner.

“Sure thing, honey.” She was distracted, but Justin was too, so he didn’t pause long enough to figure out what was on her mind.

He stepped outside and started to pace between the end of the alleyway and the dumpster. Brian, the stud of Liberty Avenue, saw him as something more than just the kid who serves him at the diner. Justin was sure of it. But, what that meant for his life, he still wasn’t sure. That was what confused him the most. The uncertainty of it all. He needed answers, but Brian was the most closed-off person he had ever met. 

Emmett’s words reverberated in his head. Talk to him. I know Debbie and Ted make him out to be completely unreasonable. But I know underneath his defense mechanisms beats the heart of a man who just wants to be understood. I’m just saying, give him a chance.

Justin needed to put his big boy pants on and flat-out ask Brian what he meant to the guy. Tonight, at Babylon, he would pull the man into a dance and ask him then. Yes, that is what Justin would do.

He pulled out his little flip phone and gave Emmett’s number a call. The man answered almost immediately. The two made plans to go to Babylon together, and with that settled, Justin went back inside the diner to finish out his shift.

That night, Justin arrived outside the doors of Babylon to find Emmett standing there with Ted and Brian. Justin smirked to himself, knowing that Brian wouldn’t be able to resist the little white crop top number he had on underneath his jacket. On the flip side, Justin was extremely curious to see what the older man had in store for him on the dance floor.

“No Michael?” Justin asked as he sauntered up and threw his arms around Emmett. 

Brian glowered at Emmett and subtly pulled the Southerner away from Justin’s embrace. “He’s at home folding laundry with dear ole doc.”

Justin quirked his eyebrow at Brian’s behavior, but instead of responding, the man moved away from Justin entirely and walked into the club.

Emmett immediately glued himself to Justin’s side once more. “What was that?”

Justin shook his head, “I have no idea.”

Ted piped in from behind them, “He’s pissing on the lamppost.”

“What?” Emmett pulled a face in disgust.

“Marking his territory,” Justin mumbled, understanding Ted’s metaphor.

“I’m completely lost.” Emmett looked from his new friend to his best friend and back.

“When a dog feels threatened, or like another animal is encroaching on what they believe to be theirs, they pee on things surrounding it. Brian was marking his territory by moving you out of it.” Ted shook his head as if he couldn’t believe it.

“When did you and Brian become an item?” Emmett turned to Justin, incredulous.

“Your guess is as good as mine.” Justin shrugged vaguely and left them behind in favor of walking into the club. He wanted to put as much distance between himself and that conversation as he could.

No sooner had he left his jacket at the coat check than he found Brian hanging out at the bar. Feeling emboldened, Justin walked up to him and grabbed him by the hand before dragging him to the dance floor. Brian’s face subtly lit up as Justin positioned his arms around Brian’s shoulders and Brian’s hands on Justin’s hips. For the first few minutes of dancing, all Justin could do was stare at Brian’s red button-down and tight pants. The way his body rippled underneath his clothes as he moved to the music.

It was when Brian leaned forward and ducked his head into the crook of Justin’s neck that he knew his moment had come. 

“Not that I don’t enjoy this,” Justin started, his voice vibrating in Brian’s mouth, which was sucking on his neck. “But we need to talk.”

Brian pulled away from Justin’s neck enough to mumble, “I didn’t think this kind of activity required it.”

“Brian. I’m serious.” Justin stopped dancing to the music, forcing Brian to do the same and to pull his head from Justin’s neck entirely.

“What am I to you?”

The moment the words were out of his mouth, Justin could see Brian’s eyes cloud over, and his walls start to come up. But Justin wasn’t going to let that happen. He pulled Brian against his chest, placed his hand on the back of Brian’s head to hold him in place, and asked him again.

“What am I to you?”

Brian sighed but didn’t speak. There was a silence between them as the thumpa thumpa of music raged on around them, and the other bodies on the dance floor moved them around against their will. But their embrace persisted.

Finally, the brunette spoke. “You’re the guy I like spending time with. Do we really have to put a label on it?”

Justin simply shook his head and allowed them to get swept up in the music once more. Their bodies moved in sync with the vibrations. All their worries flowed away in time to the beat. He didn’t need a label to know that Brian cared about him. He didn’t need Brian to define it to know he was Brian’s and Brian was his.

March

Over the next few weeks, Brian and Justin continued their newly established routine. In the early days of March, Justin realized that Brian was becoming more and more distant. Without even needing to ask, he knew that the man was wrestling with all the complicated feelings of having a shitty parent who was also dying.

On one particularly late Friday night, Justin was stuck pulling a double. Which meant he had to stay through the end of the graveyard shift. Around 2 am, Brian came stumbling in after a night of dancing with the gang at Babylon. Justin didn’t say anything, just flipped over a mug and poured Brian some black coffee at the counter. When Brian sat down, Justin lifted the lid on the lemon bars in silent askance. Brian shook his head.

Justin got him a piece of apple pie, regardless. There was something different in Brian’s demeanor tonight versus other nights that week. Justin bit his lip, trying to decide how to help him. The bell jingled over the door, and the brief sounds of the street could be heard as two middle-aged leather daddies came in and sat down at the table by the door. Justin grabbed his order pad, and as he walked away, he heard Brian softly mutter a string of words.

“I came out to him.”

He kept going toward the new customers, knowing that Brian needed some time to sit with what he’d just said before he’d be ready to talk about it. He was a bit distracted as he took the order, so much so that he wasn’t aware one of them was flirting with him until the guy reached out to grab at his ass.

“Excuse me,” Justin said in a calm but firm voice. “Please keep your hands off.”

Suddenly, Brian’s arm was hooked around his chest, and Justin was being pulled against the brunette’s chest. He couldn’t see the look Brian was giving the patrons, but based on their faces, he imagined it wasn’t a kind one. Justin reached back and patted Brian’s thigh to let him know that things were fine and he could let go.

Brian backed off and followed Justin all the way back to the kitchen window. He wouldn’t sit back down until Justin was at the register.

“Relax, Brian. I had it handled.” Justin rolled his eyes. 

“He shouldn’t have been touching you,” Brian muttered, his eyes refusing to leave Justin’s.

“I said I had it handled.” Justin placed his hand over Brian’s, and he watched as the tension left Brian’s shoulders. “Now, who did you come out to?” 

Justin needed to understand what had Brian so rattled that he would jump to defend Justin in such a possessive manner. Since they’d established that Brian wanted Justin in his life in a more intimate manner, nothing had changed in how Brian treated Justin around others. He had a reputation that he felt he needed to desperately cling to. A reputation that didn’t allow for softness or romantic commitment to one person. Of course, no one in their group believed him for a second when he tried to claim he was single. 

“My dad.” Brian finally responded after minutes of silence in which he picked at the apple pie sitting in front of him.

“Oh my gosh.” Justin stared at Brian in the hopes he would give any sign of how that conversation had gone. But his face remained impassive. “What did he say?”

“He told me, ‘You picked a helluva time to tell me.’ and then added the equally great, ‘You should be the one dying.’” Brian shrugged, but Justin knew the words had cut Brian to his core.

“What a fucking prick,” Justin mumbled. He wanted to pull Brian into a hug but thought better of it when Brian looked up, his eyes blazing.

“He never wanted me. Until I was a successful account manager, then he loved to ‘borrow’ money from me.” Brian bit his bottom lip and dropped his gaze from Justin to the pie once more.

“$2000. That’s all I was worth to my dad.” Justin shrugged and squeezed Brian’s bicep before he moved to pick up the other patrons’ order from the kitchen.

For the rest of his shift, Justin supplied Brian with snacks and moments of silent comfort by way of standing near him. Before tonight, Justin never would’ve guessed the unapologetically gay man wasn’t out to his parents. And now, knowing that he had waited until his father was dying to deliver the news, Justin felt like he understood parts of Brian even more.

The fact that he was willing to be ‘with’ Justin even though Justin wasn’t interested in physical intimacy further proved that Brian’s sexual prowess was his biggest defense mechanism of all. If he went around having meaningless sex with anyone he could get his hands on, it left him with less time to worry about his own insecurities and hang-ups. It also proved that Brian didn’t need to be physical with someone to truly care about them in one of the most intimate ways possible. 

Learning this about the man was like a switch going off in Justin’s brain. He wanted to explore what being physical with Brian actually felt like. He wanted to know every curve and plane of Brian’s body, and he wanted Brian to know the same about him. Who said a physical intimacy like that had to be sexual? Being vulnerable and naked like that was something Justin desperately wanted with another person. 

After tonight, he knew that person for him was Brian.

*****

The next day, Justin called up Emmett and asked him to meet him at the taco shop again. He needed advice and Emmett seemed the best person to ask. After all, the guy knew Brian in a way that Justin needed right now.

He was sitting at a table for about twenty minutes before Emmett sauntered in, wearing a purple faux fur coat and pulling off sunglasses that matched. The man smiled at Justin and pranced over.

“Babyyyyy!” Emmett sang. “It’s been ages. How are things?”

“It’s been like two days.” Justin laughed as Emmett waved him off.

“Doesn’t matter. So, tell me. What do you need advice on so desperately?” Emmett cocked his head in a way that told Justin he already knew.

“Brian.” Justin sighed. “Last night, he came to the diner. He was drunk. He’d gone to see his dad. Anyway, seeing him like that, so vulnerable, it was like something switched in my brain.”

He paused for a moment before pushing forward. “I want to know Brian, and I want him to know me. But I worry that he won’t want to. I’ve told him time and time again that I won’t ever want sex. And, in a way, I still don’t, but I want an intimacy with him that no one else can have.”

“Are you saying you want to get physical in the naked sense without,” Emmett paused to look around and, seeing there were kids with their parents nearby, leaned in to finish, “sliding into home?”

Justin nodded. “I’m not so naive to think that just because I’m someone Brian likes spending time with, he’s stopped having quickies in the backroom of Babylon or bringing tricks back to his apartment. But, I want something with him that those guys don’t get.”

“Honey. Brian would do anything you ask. I don’t think you truly understand the power you hold over him.” Emmett raised his eyebrow knowingly and gave Justin a smirk. “Actually. I don’t think he realizes it either.”

“I’m not sure now is a good time to ask. He’s so messed up about his dad.” Justin muttered, not pausing to think that he was the only one who realized just how Brian felt about his father’s imminent demise.

Emmett gently placed his hand on Justin’s. “Actually, I think this is the perfect opportunity to ask of that from him.”

That night, Justin paced the floor of his shared space with Daphne. He knew that Brian was getting drinks and cruising guys at Woody’s; Emmett had called to tell him so. But, he couldn’t bring himself to go over there and put himself out there like that.

This was one of those bells you can’t unring. Once he’d said it, he knew Brian would have the upper hand and could reject him so fast. He wanted that vulnerability with Brian, but he was terrified to ask for it. For weeks now, they’d carried on with a well-established boundary between them. What happened when Justin asked to move it?

Daphne came out of her room, took one look at Justin, and wrapped him in a hug.

“He’s going to say yes,” Daphne whispered. Her words were apparently all his courage needed to get himself out the door.

It felt like seconds before he was standing just outside Woody’s, ready to go inside. His courage stumbled at the door when he saw Brian at the pool table whispering into some random guy’s ear. 

This was a mistake. I should’ve known he’d already find his fun for the night before I got here. He’s not going to just ditch the guy because I show up.

Justin was moments away from bolting when Emmett stepped outside the door with a hand on his hip.

“Seriously?”

“He’s already occupied. I’ll try again tomorrow.” Justin shrugged and turned to leave.

“The minute you walk through that door, he’s going to forget all about pool table guy,” Emmett reassured the blonde and pulled him up the stairs and through the door.

Sure enough, the minute Emmett dragged Justin over to the group, Brian was there.

“Hey. I didn’t expect to see you tonight. You have that exam tomorrow.” Brian gave him his signature grin, dialing up the charm.

“Yeah, well, Emmett told me the best way to study is to cruise guys. I think he forgets who he’s talking to sometimes.” Justin grinned.

“And yet, you still came out.” Brian started to play with Justin’s hair. It was now or never.

Justin leaned into Brian’s chest and put his mouth up to Brian’s ear. “You wanna get out of here?”

Brian pulled back to look Justin’s face over. The younger man knew he was assessing whether or not he’d heard Justin correctly. Then just as quickly, Brian leaned his forehead against Justin’s and asked, “You sure?”

Justin just nodded, his eyes closed. Inside he was scared shitless, but in his soul, this was what he wanted.

Brian interlocked their fingers and led Justin out the door without another word to Emmett or Ted, who were still hanging by the pool tables cruising.

Ten minutes later, they were riding the elevator up to the top floor of Brian’s building. He had told Justin all about it on their drive from Woody’s to his building. It turned out to be in a shitty neighborhood, but Brian stated he owned the loft he lived in, and it had a great view, which made the other parts less noticeable. Getting out of the elevator, Justin’s nerves shot up again, and he debated bolting down the stairs that were right there. 

But then Brian was reaching out to him with a steadying hand. With a loud clang, his door slid open, and Justin was privy to one of the most gorgeous living spaces he had ever seen. The loft was sparsely filled with only a select number of furniture pieces. Despite that, it gave off a warm, safe feeling. Brian crossed to his kitchen and pulled out a bottle of water. He extended it to Justin, who grabbed it, and immediately guzzled the whole thing. He glanced toward the middle of the space and saw Brian’s bed. It was in a section of the loft that sat a bit higher than the rest and was cordoned off by a wall of privacy window screens.

Justin gulped. He was nervous, but not because he suddenly didn’t want to do this. He was nervous because he wanted this more than anything else he’d ever wanted before in his life.

“So, um, I don’t want sex.” Justin finally spoke, Brian still standing in his kitchen silently watching Justin.

“I figured as much.” Brian shrugged. Then he went silent once more and waited for Justin to take the lead.

“The other night, when you came out to your dad.” Justin started. He moved closer to Brian. The older man had now tensed up, defending himself against whatever Justin had to say.

“The way you didn’t say it, but I knew you needed me there for you, changed something in me. I realized at that moment that I never wanted you to feel like you had to put up walls around me.” Justin reached out and placed his hand on Brian’s cheek to gain his attention, his full attention.

“Your father took things from you that, as a child, you deserved to keep. Your sense of self-worth. Your vulnerability. But most of all, he took your sense of security. Now, as an adult, you feel you have to keep everyone at arm's length because you’ve only just started to build those things back up. You survived as a child by hardening yourself against his cruel words and drunken fists. So, now you walk around acting as though nothing hurts you because your whole life, no one cared that you were hurting.” 

Justin paused before adding his final words. “I care. I see your hurt, Brian Kinney.”

With that, Brian’s walls came completely down, and he slumped against Justin’s sturdy frame. He didn’t cry, but he came as close to it. Justin wrapped his arms around the brunette and guided him to his bed. Once in the room, they stood facing one another, and then Justin leaned forward and kissed Brian on the lips. His kiss held all the words he couldn’t say, all the feelings that had no words, and all the love his heart could bear. 

Brian immediately wrapped his arms around Justin’s neck, and the kiss deepened. Justin moved to lift Brian’s shirt from his torso. The action gave Brian pause, and he grabbed Justin’s wrist.

“You don’t have to do this.”

“I don’t want sex.” Justin reiterated his earlier statement. “I just want to know every edge and plane of your body.” 

Brian groaned, pulled off his shirt, and pulled Justin back into a searing kiss. His hands now roughly holding Justin’s head in place. Meanwhile, Justin’s hands were busy undoing Brian’s pants and pushing them off his hips. Brian moved his hands from Justin’s head in an attempt to take off the blonde’s clothes too. 

Before long, the two lay on Brian’s bed, lazily kissing as their hands roamed over each other’s lithe frames. Justin’s heart was in his throat, and he realized this was the happiest he had ever felt before. He wanted to tell Brian he loved him but knew it was much too early for those kinds of heavy words. So, instead, he went for the next best thing.

“You’re the best thing to ever happen to me.”

Brian didn’t respond. But, the older man did pull Justin closer against his side. They lay on their backs, silently staring up at the ceiling neither wanted to move away. Brian wrapped his arm around Justin’s neck and shoulder. While they lay there silently, he let his fingers trace shapes on Justin’s bicep. It only took about ten more minutes before Justin could feel his eyes getting heavy.

“Sleep. I’ll be right here.” Brian whispered against his head, depositing a kiss.

*****

Justin was working another graveyard shift at the diner on March 16th when Brian came stumbling in drunk again. This time Justin had Debbie there with him to assist with the inebriated man. 

As soon as he had been deposited at one of the back booths, Brian grabbed Justin’s wrist to stop him from walking away.

“You know what cures a hard-on?” Brian didn’t look amused, so Justin figured he wasn’t trying to tell a joke. His next words confirmed it.

“Your dad dying.” Brian looked at Justin in a way he never had before. He was close to tears and needed to be held, but he didn’t know how to ask for it in words. Justin looked toward Debbie, who silently motioned for Justin to stay with Brian.

Justin slid into the booth next to Brian and wrapped his arm around the man’s shoulder, pulling his body against his own. Brian’s head dropped to Justin’s chest. Before he knew it, his tee was wet with Brian’s tears, and the fabric clutched in a death grip from Brian’s left hand. The two didn’t say a word as Brian cried for the father, who never really loved him, but Brian still wished he would.

Sometime later, Brian found his voice. The words he spoke broke Justin’s heart even more.

“Hey, Sonny Boy, come have another drink with your old man. I’ve kept track of every penny. I’m gonna pay you back, Sonny Boy. You and me, we’re a lot alike. We weren’t meant to settle down.”

Justin gently kissed the top of Brian’s head and lay his cheek there before he spoke, “You are nothing like your father, Brian. You’re a good, kind man. You love your son.”

After that, they went back to being silent once more. Justin didn’t know how long he sat there, but eventually, Debbie came by to check on them.

“You should take him home.” She sat down across from them and motioned for Justin to look at Brian. The older man had fallen asleep at some point, and Justin hadn’t noticed.

He gently ran his fingers along Brian’s cheek, and the man stirred. He looked confused at first, and then his eyes settled on Justin. The tension left his body, and he nuzzled against the blonde.

“Hey, what do you say we get you home?” Justin whispered to the man. Brian simply nodded.

“Don’t worry about your shift. I think I can handle whatever stragglers we get coming in here.” Debbie gave Justin a smile and a pat on the hand before she got up and left them alone.

Somehow, Justin managed to help the still very drunk Brian from the diner to his loft without being injured in some way. He slid open the door and helped Brian inside. The man let go of Justin and stumbled his way to the bedroom. Once there, Brian lay down and threw a pillow over his head. Justin crossed the loft and followed Brian. He sat on the edge of the bed and took the pillow off Brian’s head. From Brian’s bedside table, he grabbed a bottle of ibuprofen and shook out a couple of the pills. He handed them to the brunette, urging him to take them. Brian did. 

Justin then turned to leave, planning to turn off all the lights and then sleep on the couch, when Brian’s hand grabbed his thigh.

“Don’t go.” There was a meekness in Brian’s voice that Justin had never experienced before.

“I’m just going to turn off the lights. I will be right back.” Justin leaned over and kissed Brian on the cheek.

Upon crawling into Brian’s bed, Justin was greeted by Brian draping himself across Justin’s chest. The older man wrapped Justin up in a death grip, tears falling from his eyes once more.

“I don’t know why I’m crying. He was a terrible man.”

Justin put his hand in Brian’s hair and began to deliver soothing strokes. He stayed silent, contemplating the right thing to say in this situation.

“No matter what he did to you, a small part of you still wanted him to love and accept you. Whatever hateful rhetoric he threw at you or despite his constant litany of wishing you didn’t exist, Jack Kinney was your father. You never stopped trying to please him. You are grieving the man and father you wished he could have been.”

A silence fell between them, and Justin knew he’d said the right thing. Before long, the feeling of Brian’s tears in the fabric of his shirt stopped getting worse. Brian’s breaths came out in short, calm puffs. With a final kiss to the top of his head, Justin allowed himself to fall asleep right alongside the man he loved.

April

Spring in Pittsburgh had always been Justin’s favorite time of year. Partially because his birthday was in April and he’d been a spring baby. And partially because he loved the idea that spring felt like the world was waking up and starting fresh. Whatever the reason, this year, spring had an even deeper meaning to Justin. He was starting a new season of his life. His “relationship” with Brian was getting stronger every day, and he spent most nights at Brian’s loft with him.

They still hadn’t had sex, but they’d definitely taken time to explore each other in ways that you couldn’t with your clothes on. Since Jack Kinney’s death, Brian had been more open around Justin and willing to tell him things that the bitchy businessman persona wouldn’t. Justin got to see the Brian Kinney that should have existed if he’d had perfect loving parents growing up. But that version was still only behind closed doors.

Though he didn’t say it, Justin had a sneaking suspicion that Brian loved him. Why else would he give up tricking all night long to spend hours just lying with Justin and talking? That isn’t to say Brian didn’t still have sex with strangers; he just didn’t need to do it for hours on end. Out of his family unit, Emmett was the only one who knew that things had changed for Brian. He knew because Justin told him often about the wonderful man that he was discovering Brian to be. 

Things were great. That is until one day, a week before Justin’s birthday, Brian and the gang came into the diner for a Saturday breakfast. Justin smiled at Brian as he walked in, but the man was too engrossed in an argument with Michael to even notice. Justin shrugged it off because these days, all Michael and Brian ever did was disagree. He brought over some glasses of water for the table and the coffee pot to fill up Ted and Brian’s cups. When he approached, he heard the things Brian was saying, and it put a damper on his mood.

“Just because I have sex with him every night doesn’t make him my boyfriend.” Brian didn’t say his name, but Justin knew he was talking about him. Logically he knew that Brian was doing that because Michael finding out they were together without having sex would cause an even bigger snit from the man. But, in that moment, Justin was thinking emotionally, not logically.

He put down the glasses of water with a bit more force than was necessary and walked off without pouring any coffee. His chest was tightening, and his breaths were coming in short. He needed to get out of there and soon. But Brian’s voice stopped him.

“My coffee?” It wasn’t the typically kind Brian who had been hanging around lately; this was bitchy businessman Brian.

“Pour it yourself.” Justin threw over his shoulder and quickly escaped out back before his panic attack hit in full.

He hunched over into a squat, bringing his knees up to his chest. Justin closed his eyes and tried to force the tears and panic to subside, but they wouldn’t. He didn’t know how much time passed, but soon enough he felt a gentle hand on his knee. He looked up to find Emmett crouched down on his level with a concerned look on his face.

“Justin?” Emmett’s voice was tentative and scared. 

Justin just shook his head. He couldn’t bring himself to say the words out loud. Despite the tightness in his chest and the hurt he was feeling, Justin knew he was being irrational. Brian would never admit to his friends the true nature of their relationship. He had an image he felt he needed to uphold, especially around Michael. 

The tears were running full force down Justin’s face now. He rubbed his cheeks on his knees and gave a wet chuckle.

“You must think I’m being a silly little faggot.”

“No.” Emmett shook his head and squeezed Justin’s knee. “I think you just heard the guy you are seeing cheapen what you have in order to keep up appearances. I think you were hurt that he would brag about having sex with you when you both know how vulnerable of a topic that is for you.”

Emmett paused and then added, “I think you have every right to be angry and upset right now. Because I am, for you.”

Then without preamble, Emmett pulled Justin to his chest and hugged him tight. “You feel all the emotions, baby. It’s okay.”

It took a while, but eventually, Justin was ready to go back inside and continue his shift. Emmett walked with him and left his side only once Justin was at the counter. Then, Justin watched as Emmett walked over to the table and smacked Brian’s head. Justin couldn’t hear what the two friends were saying, but he could guess that Emmett was telling Brian off about his behavior.

A little while later, Brian approached him at the register under the guise that he was settling the bill. Justin took his proffered money and didn’t make eye contact. 

Brian leaned forward and said in a voice barely audible, “I didn’t mean it.”

Justin shook his head and finally looked up to meet Brian’s gaze. “You think that’s an apology? I didn’t mean it . No, Brian. You’re gonna have to do much better than that. And not behind a closed door, either. I’m not some twink you can sweep away with a small dabbing of charm. And I’m not some dirty secret.” Justin slammed the till drawer shut and handed Brian his change before stalking off.

From behind his retreating form, he could hear Michael asking Brian, “What’s his problem?”

Justin briefly paused, wondering if – no hoping – Brian would be honest. Instead, the man said, “He’s just being emotional.”

Justin looked up, and his gaze met Debbie’s. She gave him a sympathetic smile. Then as she passed him to go help out one of the booths, she patted his shoulder.

“With Brian, it’s always two steps forward, three steps back. Hang in there, kiddo.”

*****

They didn’t speak again for the next few days. Justin wasn’t willing to let Brian charm his way back into Justin’s good graces, and Brian wasn’t willing to publicly admit the truth. So, the two stood at an impasse.

The day before his birthday, Justin found himself hanging out with Emmett. The pair was walking Liberty Avenue, checking out the various shops. Justin’s heart wasn’t completely in it, but Emmett had insisted, so he was trying to make an effort.

“Earth to Justin!” Emmett’s voice sang out. Justin looked up and apologized.

“Sorry, I was just lost in my thoughts.”

“You and Brian seriously need to sit down and talk to each other.” Emmett stopped hand on his hip, and gave Justin his most serious look.

“That’s the problem, Emmett. He only ever wants to talk, really talk, when it’s just the two of us.” Justin threw up his hands, “And what? I’m just supposed to take it when he acts differently in front of others?”

“No,” Emmett immediately denied. “You tell him the important stuff between just you, and you give him ground rules. He needs to be told that his behavior is not okay. That he hurt you.”

“I shouldn’t have to point that out to him, though!” Justin got to the root of his frustration.

“Honey, Brian is a kicked puppy. He thinks that punching down is okay because it’s all he experienced growing up. Deep down, he knows that he cares about you and doesn’t want to hurt you. But,” Emmett paused, and Justin picked up the train of thought.

“He’s also used to Michael and Debbie, who let his behavior slide with the smallest of apologies.” 

“Exactly. He’s not used to someone calling him on his bullshit and then sticking to their guns. You have to teach him.” Emmett wrapped his arm around Justin’s shoulder and pulled him into a side hug with his cheesy grin.

“Now, we need to figure out what we are going to do for your birthday.”

“It’s tomorrow.” Justin tried to dissuade the gears turning in Emmett’s brain. “Please don’t make a big deal of things.”

“We have left things down to the wire a bit, but a birthday is something worth celebrating!” Emmett clapped, “I have it! Tomorrow is the King of Babylon contest at Babylon. And you are going to participate. Make Brian beyond jealous.”

“What is the King of Babylon contest?” Justin asked warily. He was nervous that this activity would require him to do something like strip.

“Well, it’s a dance contest.” Emmett’s tone of voice told Justin everything he needed to know.

“So, I’m going to have to strip for the crowd?” Justin gave Emmett a look. His friend cowered a bit but didn’t back down.

“Yes, but not all the way. Just a tease. Brian is notorious for loving the contest.” Emmett didn’t say it, but Justin knew what he meant.

“He sleeps with the winner every year. Doesn’t he?” 

“Just look at it as him being with you this year if you win.” Emmett shrugged, but Justin could tell even he knew Brian would have to do more than just look Justin’s way to make up for his latest faux pas.

They continued walking down the avenue in companionable silence. By the time they reached the diner, Justin had made his decision. He paused before they went in to get a bite to eat.

“Fine, I will compete tomorrow night. But, I doubt I will win.”

Emmett clapped his hands, squealed, and planted a kiss on Justin’s cheek. Then they both went inside and found Brian and Ted were already sitting at one of the booths. Michael was at the counter talking to his mom. So, Emmett sat down next to Ted, and Justin sat down in the booth behind them. He made eye contact with Brian over the heads of their friends, but nothing was said.

Michael came over with his mom and sat down next to Brian. He noticed Justin was there and rolled his eyes. 

“I thought you two stopped having sex. So, why are you still here?” Michael’s tone was possessive and mean. 

Emmett turned slightly to give Justin an appraising look. He simply shook his head, dismissing any concern. Then, to his shock, Brian spoke up.

“Shut up, Mikey. You know very well that Emmett and Justin are friends, too.” He didn’t look up at Justin as he spoke, nor did he acknowledge the real crux of Justin’s problem with him at the current time.

Justin sat back and let his mind wander. He should’ve known Brian wasn’t going to publicly correct Michael’s statement. After all, he’s the one who told them we were having sex in the first place. It was a fun time while it lasted, but I need to be with someone who won’t feel like they have to prove something by being with me. I was right; we are just too different.

Justin tuned back in just as Emmett brought up the King of Babylon contest.

“So, we are all set to go to the King of Babylon contest tomorrow night?” Emmett gave everyone around the table a pointed look. Then he added, “And we will be covering Justin’s drinks.”

“Why? He has a job. If he can’t afford to buy his own drinks, maybe he should just stay home.” Michael whined.

“Because tomorrow is his birthday. None of us pay for drinks on our birthdays. The same rule should apply to Justin.” Emmett’s tone told everyone that what he’d said was final and there was no use arguing.

Brian and Justin’s eyes met over everyone’s heads, and Brian gave the faintest of smiles. It wasn’t much, but Justin did appreciate that he seemed to acknowledge his birthday was worth celebrating.

“I just think that the rule should only apply if you’ve been here for longer than a year.” Michael continued to complain despite Emmett’s nonverbal warning.

“Jesus, Mikey!” Brian suddenly burst out. “If you don’t want to celebrate Justin’s birthday, just don’t fucking come.”

“I don’t know what has gotten into you lately, but this isn’t how I raised you.” Debbie finally spoke up, having stood by and observed their conversation thus far in silence. 

Then she turned to Justin with a smile, “Sunshine, what’ll it be? Your meal is on me since I probably won’t see you tomorrow for your birthday.”

*****

The next night, Justin met the gang outside the doors to Babylon. He was finally wearing the tight crop top that Emmett had convinced him to buy all those months ago. Justin was feeling the most alive he had ever felt. Just for tonight, he would be anything he wanted to be. He could dance with whoever he wanted and ignore Brian while he did it. 

Tonight, Justin was unapologetically himself. 

“You go, baby!” Emmett egged him on when he walked up to the Master of Ceremonies and signed up to dance.

Ted looked at Justin in shock. “You’re going to participate in the King of Babylon contest?”

Justin shrugged, “What, you don’t think I can win?”

Brian huffed, rolled his eyes, and turned to the bartender to order a drink. Justin wanted desperately to shake him and inform him he was being an idiot. But he had more self-respect than that. Brian would have to make the first move. 

Justin was 5th in line to perform. So, the group stood around the bar and watched, mesmerized by the first four men. Just as the fourth guy was finishing up his act, Brian grabbed Justin’s arm and his attention.

“You don’t have to do this. I know you’re just trying to prove something to Michael. He’s not even here.”

“Despite what you might think, I’m doing this for me. Michael doesn’t mean anything to me, and neither does his judgment. Perhaps you should sit and think about why it means so much to you that you would throw away a good thing to have it.”

And with that, Justin walked up on stage and started to perform. He still cared deeply about Brian, but he didn’t need his attention or approval if Brian wasn’t willing to give it. Justin knew he deserved to be with someone who wouldn’t hide him away or treat him any differently in public vs. in private. Since moving to Liberty Avenue and getting his job at the diner, Justin had grown substantially. He knew exactly what he needed to be happy in this life. If Brian was willing to give that to him, great. If not, he wasn’t going to lose any sleep over it.

Justin moved his body in time to the music. With each roll of his hips, he felt his hurt and anger at Brian disappear. Only to be replaced with indifference. As his number came to an end, he looked toward the bar and saw that Michael had arrived after all. Justin gave the crowd at large a smile and one final roll of his hip. Then he jumped down and went in search of Emmett.

At the bar, he found only Brian and Michael. Brian handed him a shot of Beam and smiled.

Justin tried to catch his breath as he swallowed the shot in one go. “Thanks.”

“You think shaking your ass for a bunch of strangers is impressive?” Michael asked with a sneer.

Justin responded so quickly he surprised even himself. “No, I think it was fun and a great way to celebrate turning 19.” Then he moved to walk away, but Brian stopped him.

His gaze silently begged Justin to stay. So, against his better judgment, Justin did.

“Mikey, you need to lose the jealousy. You’re with the good doctor now, and I’m seeing Justin. I lied to you; we aren’t having sex, but we’re…” Brian trailed off with a shrug of his shoulder and placed a possessive arm around Justin’s neck.

Michael gawked at the two of them. His mouth opened and closed many times as he tried to process what Brian was telling him. 

“You’re with him ? And you’re not having sex? Jesus, what are you? A couple of lesbians?” 

Brian’s eyes went dark as he leaned as close to Michael’s face as he could get. “I’m doing what makes me happy.”

“But, you’re the stud of Liberty Avenue! You fuck anything that moves.” Michael pulled back a bit and flung his arms around as if he was trying to make a point.

“You’re right, I am. I’m also seeing Justin.” Brian shrugged. He let go of Justin, pulled back from Michael completely, and turned to the bartender to order another drink. 

The conversation was officially dropped. Justin knew Brian felt he had already revealed too much and therefore needed to get drunk to forget. One look at Michael showed that the shorter man was irrationally angry at what had just transpired. Justin lightly brushed his hand along the back of Brian’s shoulders to let the man know that he was going to go get some air.

Justin walked past Michael, expecting the man to ignore him entirely, but instead, he followed Justin outside.

“It’s all your fault! He was fine until you came along!” Michael got in Justin’s face.

“I didn’t do anything. Brian is a big boy. He can make his decisions for himself.” Justin rolled his eyes and moved past Michael. He wasn’t going to engage in the man’s immature behavior. 

Justin was so wrapped up in ignoring Michael that he didn’t see the guys approaching him until they were practically on top of him. The first guy shoved him and called him a ‘faggot’ before the other two joined in and pushed him around a bit as well. In the frenzy of the three guys’ movements, Justin recognized one of them as an old classmate of his, Chris Hobbs.

“Chris Hobbs?” Justin managed to get his hands up and fend off most of the shoves coming his way.

“Taylor?” Hobbs recognized him once he spoke, and it was as if a switch turned off in Hobbs’ brain. He immediately kneed Justin in the stomach, causing him to lose his balance. 

Justin kept trying to get up, but every time he managed to get on his knees, he was knocked down again by their repeated kicks. He looked off beyond them toward Michael, who was glued to where he stood in shock. Justin begged Michael to help him or to find someone who could help him. His words started coming out more and more desperate the more kicks Hobbs and his friends managed to land.

Justin curled his body up tighter and shielded his face with his arms. He could hear other people running out of the club, but they all seemed a million miles away at this point. Justin was in so much pain he silently begged them all to stop and just leave him there to die. After one particularly hard kick to his stomach, Justin cried out in pain and fear.

“BRIAN!” He knew the man was inside the club and couldn’t hear him, but in his moment of need, his heart wanted no one else.

Then as if an angel on high, he heard it, just as Hobbs’ foot made contact with his skull, and he blacked out. “Justin!”

*****

Brian POV

Brian had been at the bar when the Master of Ceremonies announced that Justin had won the contest. He looked around, thinking he would find the blonde on his way back in from stepping out to catch his breath. But the younger man was nowhere to be found. And then he heard a commotion coming from the door.

Brian wondered if Justin was still outside, so, biting back a bit of panic, Brian made his way through the crowd. He had just gotten Justin to acknowledge him again. He couldn’t let anything happen to him. The idea seemed ludicrous and irrational until he made it to the crowd of people just outside the doors and saw Michael frozen in place.

The sound of a scuffle caught his attention, and his heart sank. There on the ground, being attacked by three other men, was Justin. Brian immediately lept into action and tried to pull the men off of his boyfriend’s limp form. All the while, he was yelling, “Justin!”

After what felt like hours, Brian managed to get the men off of Justin. The sound of police sirens and an ambulance rang out in the night as Brian assessed Justin’s condition. His heart was in his throat as he realized Justin was bleeding from his head and that the fingers on his right hand were crushed and lying cockeyed in a way that Brian knew wasn’t good. Not caring that moving Justin’s body could hurt the young man even more, Brian pulled him against his chest and sobbed hysterically.

“No, no, no, no. God no!”

The paramedics had to pry Brian away from Justin in order to get the young man into the ambulance, but Brian refused to be pulled away from Justin entirely, so they had to let him ride with him to the hospital.

Upon reaching the hospital, though, Brian was prevented from staying with Justin. He plopped himself onto the nearest bench and continued to cry. How could the kid be happy, excited, and dancing one minute and clinging to life the next?

He didn’t know how much time passed, but soon enough, Emmett and Michael were both there. They flanked him on both sides and tried to offer him words of comfort, but Brian didn’t hear a single thing. He just sat there, letting the tears stream down his face and silently begging whatever god was out there to take him too if they took Justin. Brian could hardly breathe, thinking of how one minute Justin was there in the club forgiving him and the next so violently taken from him.

A few hours later, a doctor in scrubs came out to inform the family of Justin’s condition. It was at that moment that Brian snapped out of his reverie.

“We’re his family.” Brian stood up and motioned between himself and Emmett. 

The doctor looked at him sympathetically. “Unless you are his brothers or his parents, we can’t tell you anything.”

“I’m his partner!” Brian begged. If he’d had his wits about him, he never would’ve acted so vulnerably. But Justin was hurt, so all bets were off.

“Unfortunately, we can’t give you that information unless you are listed as his medical proxy.” The doctor reiterated.

Brian was about to go postal when Emmett’s hand landed softly on Brian’s arm. “I am Justin Taylor’s older brother. Our parents disowned him when he came out to them. You can tell me.”

The doctor looked like he didn’t quite believe Emmett, but it seemed as though his sympathy for the group won out in the end. 

“Justin has a traumatic brain injury, and we had to surgically rebuild the joints and tendons in his hand. Right now, he’s in a coma. We aren’t sure if he will make it through the night, but we will keep you posted.”

Brian nodded as Emmett asked the question he couldn’t seem to get out, “Can we see him?”

“Unfortunately, he’s in the ICU, so you will have to wait until tomorrow for regular visiting hours.” With that, the doctor turned around and left the trio standing in the hallway in shock.

Traumatic brain injury. Rebuild his hand.  

Brian let out a wet, shaky breath. He looked to Emmett and silently thanked him for being quick on his toes in order to get the information they needed. 

With a sigh, Brian sat back down on the bench he’d recently vacated. They would have to kick him out before he would leave Justin alone in this hospital. Emmett sat down next to him, linked their arms together, and rested his head on Brian’s shoulder. The Southerner also had tear tracks down his face, similar to Brian’s, and his whole body was shaking from the stress of it all. Brian interlocked their fingers and gave the man’s hand a squeeze.

“I should probably get home,” Michael mumbled, looking nervously between the floor and Brian’s face. “David is probably worried sick about me.”

“Whatever, Mikey. I don’t have the energy nor the care to hold your hand.” Brian gave a resigned sigh and leaned his head back against the wall.

It took a while, but eventually, his exhaustion took over, and Brian fell asleep. Right there on the uncomfortable hospital bench with Emmett attached to his hip.