Chapter Text
They all sat in silence. Gibbs was driving, Anton was sitting looking at nothing while Sergei just stared at them both from the back.
Occasionally Gibbs would speak to Anton, talking about the bottle of vodka he bought for him at his house after this was all over. But Anton couldn't help but think. Over? …It's all over? He looked back at Sergei, as the sun set painted him in oranges and pinks. Sergei smiled and Anton couldn’t help but sigh and turn away. If peoplle ever found out…if Gibbs ever found out…if his government ever found out what they did together for all these years that they’ve known each other, it would be political and social suicide. Their relationship was wrong. They both knew it, but Sergei liked the risk. Anton hated it. Never showing public affection, but Sergei always tried to. Sergei wanted him to open up more to it, to relax, to truly feel safe with his feelings, but Anton had a reputation to uphold. It had to be kept secret.
And now, it was over. They would never hold hands again, never kiss, never share a meal or a bed ever again. It was truly over, just as Gibbs had said. Part of Anton was relieved, but the other wishes they had just one more chance. One more time to kiss, one more time to let their feelings out. But he couldn’t, they couldn’t. It was wrong. And now it was wrong for more reasons than just being two men, it was now a government official and a terrorist.
Anton looked back at Sergei again, mouthing an apology as Sergei smiled warmly.
Sergei had accepted his fate— the fate of their secret relationship, why couldn’t Anton? This was the man who had just tried to blow him up but now…he wanted his touch. Wanted to feel him. Just like how it was in college. He wanted to go back to it, back to their dorm room where they held each other as they watched old Russian films on their couch.
Anton had realized his feelings too late. And now Sergei was gone for good.
It was over.
All he wanted was to see him once more, but they both knew that would never happen.