Work Text:
(A/N) Wow, this feels crazy. It's been so long since I posted a fanfiction, and you guys know it. For real, I've written here and there but haven't had to go into to write a doc in FOREVER. I'm really, really happy to be doing it now, and with the original How to Train Your Dragon being so long ago, I almost feel emotional writing this. I feel grown up, and I'm so happy to be back. So, in some time zones it is now March 1rst, but this is meant to be posted on February 29th, 2024, because not every year is a leap year so I decided to take this leap year as an excuse to post yet another How to Train Your Dragon BIRTHDAY WHUMP fanfiction. I hope you enjoy!
This story contains mentions of details regarding what is modernly known as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and the effects of war that-though were of course different for our riders because this was a DRAGON war-does reference many things seen in current day wars as well, such as children raising children, lack of food, and with so many wars going on with Ukraine, China, Palestine, and Israel as well as others, I kind of wanted to really write about the stuff some of these countries go through. I'm not saying a side at all here, because just like the Dragon/Viking fictional war, both sides hurt, both sides have issues. Children on both sides are innocent, people killed are still people killed, families still grieve for their soldiers no matter which side is the 'bad' side. Some people are FORCED to fight, and it hurts people, no matter which side you're on, so staying true to the overall style of my writing, I'm raising awareness where I can, but this might also have a TW so please look out for yourself.
This was…different.
Hiccup was never really someone who put a lot of emphasis on his birthday. Being the last day of February on a leap year, he turned a year older either on March 1rst or February 29th. It was a day he was one step closer to being an adult, and at midnight it would be over. He never saw much reason to focus on it.
During the dragon war, some people very close to you would give you a cake and that was it. There wasn't enough food for feasts or wood for big decorations, as livestock was limited and houses were often having to be rebuilt.
So, when Hiccup woke up this morning on his 16th birthday, he didn't think much of it.
Honestly, he forgot about it after his father ruffled his hair and quietly mentioned it.
"A year older. Ha, it's great to have a birthday on an island not riddled with war, right?" Stoick had said before he went to do the things a chief did.
So, when Hiccup walked into the dragon training arena, the one they actually used to train dragons now, and saw a cake on a wooden table in the middle of the room with the other riders standing around smiling, holding two small wooden boxes wrapped in ribbon, his first thought made sense.
"This is…different."
Hiccup said with his hands out in front of him, gesturing awkwardly. He was smiling, but his voice was also confused. He looked to Astrid, the rider he was closest to here on Berk, trying to find what to say.
"Well…" Fishlegs started, smiling joyfully with his voice a little high and awkward. "We're not at war anymore, and your birthday is the first one that came up since you and Toothless defeated the red death. We kinda-hey!"
Snotlout pushed Fishlegs aside, standing there with a proud grin and two thumbs up. "We decided to make it a tradition to celebrate birthdays how other islands do. You know, the ones that aren't teaching their kids "kill or be killed"" He stated, mimicking his father's voice.
Hiccup smiled brighter, though he honestly didn't know what to say. While he was lost in thought, he felt both of the twins grab him, Tuffnut's arms holding his right shoulder and wrist, and Ruffnut holding his left shoulder and wrist. They shoved him forward, chuckling the way they always did when they were excited.
Hiccup couldn't believe it. This was amazing, of course, but he really wasn't used to so much attention being on something that felt so small. It was just a birthday, just another year passed, but it was true when the others said other islands tended to celebrate big during this time of year for the kiddos.
Still, he felt like Astrid, Snotlout, Fishlegs, Ruffnut, and Tuffnut shouldn't have put so much emphasis on the day even though their neighbors did. Not just this fact, but he'd been getting a lot more attention over the past year. He'd woken up from the fight with the red death maybe halfway through being 15, having fought the red death a mere 4 and a half months or so after turning 15. The others hadn't had their after-the-war birthday yet, other than Ruffnut and Tuffnut, but their birthday was while he was in a coma.
Hiccup had gotten a lot of attention in the beginning, people trying to help him out with his leg or asking him for details of the 'big battle' they hadn't seen. After about a month, they began leaving him alone more to go to work in the forge alone, or work on his projects. The other riders and his father paid him more attention, and Gobber still kept the little jabs they used to share now that Hiccup was healed, but other than needing advice on dragons, Berk had left him more to himself.
This was a relief, to be honest, because though Hiccup loved being respected, he really wasn't one who loved attention. When random comments were thrown his way as a kid, they were always negative, or people would ignore him…which honestly he grew to like.
He liked not having to talk to people. Hiccup liked being able to work in quiet without having to keep secrets. He wanted respect, but he didn't know that respect would come with so much random attention.
He liked the attention, to an extent. He liked when people would ask him random things about dragons, liked that they were interested in his knowledge and not worried about him being able to fight so he didn't die before he was twenty.
He hated it, too. Sometimes he wished he could just be the one no one saw, wished he could work in the forge without being asked about dragons. He liked that people wanted him for his knowledge, and he loved that when he did get attention it wasn't negative jabs or shoves, but he didn't like being the center of attention.
He wasn't used to being the center of attention, and he worried that as he fumbled for what he needed to say, what was socially acceptable and not awkward in these situations, people would see him as the awkward, noodly armed, weird kid they used to, and realize that just having enough brains to take on the Red Death and train a dragon wasn't enough without muscle and fighting experience.
Breath quickening, Hiccup didn't realize how deep in thought he was until he felt a hand on his shoulder. He jumped in his skin, balled his right fist and pulled his left shoulder away from Tuffnut in an instant. When he looked up and remembered where he was though, he calmed, but his breathing was still quick and short.
"You okay? You look…pale." Astrid said, her voice drifting off. Her gentle, but rough and calloused hand was on his shoulder, and she was bringing her left hand up to touch his cheek. Ruffnut and Tuffnut let him go, and Hiccup shivered when Astrid's fingers ran across his jaw bone. Why was she touching him like he was a scared, injured animal?
When he said nothing, Astrid spoke again, quieter this time. Her eyes were wide, like she was scared…but Astrid didn't get scared, not for no reason like this. Worried?
"Hiccup, you're pale and your eyes are…I don't know how to explain it, I've just never…"
Never what? Never seen him pale? Never seen his eyes how they were? They were fine though, he wasn't any different. Maybe he was sick? Hiccup's thoughts were spinning as he tried to grasp onto a solution.
Hiccup took in a breath he didn't know he was holding so he could speak, subconsciously leaning into the hand touching his face without realizing it.
"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not sick." Why was his voice so high? Why did it feel like he couldn't breathe?
"Hiccup." Fishlegs stepped in, eyes full of concern. He grabbed Astrid's hand gently and looked at her with a look Hiccup couldn't figure out. She smiled, nodded, and stepped away, eyes still wide and confused.
"What's going on? You're acting like you can't breathe." Fishlegs said, voice no longer high and awkward but quizzical and curious, almost like a healer making a diagnosis.
Hiccup took in a breath, realized he had once again been holding it. His chest felt tight, and he felt like a rock was stuck in his throat.
What's wrong with me?
Hiccup looked at Fishlegs who was now holding his right wrist who's hand was balled into a tight fist. Hiccup realized his nails were hurting the palm of his hand, but he didn't have the thought to loosen his fist up.
"I uh…I don't know. I really don't. I mean…I feel tight, I guess, b-but I ahh…I don't feel sick, and I don't feel clammy or pale."
He was sweaty though, he could feel his hair sticking to the back of his neck.
Fishlegs cocked his head to the side, looking less worried now and more like he was trying to figure out a puzzle.
"Can you do me a favor?" Fishlegs asked, voice loud enough for everyone to hear but still low, again like Hiccup was some scared, injured animal.
Hiccup nodded his head, raising an eyebrow in complete confusion. He felt light headed, and his vision was starting to fade in and out. Maybe he was sick. Sick on his birthday, great.
"Sit on the ground with your knees to your chest, i-if your prosthetic allows for it."
Hiccup nodded his head, his prosthetic was attached above his knee with rope, the cuff didn't pass the bottom of his knee, so he could bend his knee just fine as the leg was made up of two different pieces, a metal and rope top and a wood and leather bottom.
He sat on the ground, knees to his chest and back against the wall. One arm was hanging loosely over his knees, the other touching the cold, concrete ground to ground himself.
Fishlegs kneeled down to face him at eye level.
"Put your head between your knees and breath as deeply as you can, counting in for 4 and out for 6."
Hiccup looked confused, shook his head and nervously smiled.
"What would that do? I don't want to go to sleep, I want to hang out with you guys."
Fishlegs grabbed his wrist again, and Hiccup realized he had made a fist with both hands, his knuckles turning white. He felt like his knees were clicking together, trembling. He. Couldn't. Breath. Still, he didn't want to seem weak, or let the others down. They had done so much for him!
Fishlegs shook his head, smiled lightly. His eyes were filled with kindness, and Hiccup felt like a little kid.
"Just do it. Count silently, in your head." He let go of Hiccup, and Hiccup realized just the act of Fishlegs letting go of him made his wrist loosen up. What was going on?
Not wanting to drag this out because Fishlegs usually knew what was best when it came to anything medicine out of all the riders, Hiccup put his head between his knees, touching his ankle and fake ankle together so he was hidden. In the darkness, he breathed. Counting in, 1-2-3-4, and out 1-2-3-4-5-6. It was difficult, and it burned. He felt like he needed air but it hurt to draw in air. Still, he did as told, liking that right now everyone was keeping their hands off of him.
It took a minute, maybe two, but Hiccup felt less sweaty, his hands weren't fists anymore, and his eyes were lightly closed instead of squeezed shut. He opened them, seeing a little light, and slowly lifted his head to the bright arena to see all the riders looking at him, concerned.
His vision wasn't fading and his knees weren't trembling.
"What…What happened. How did you…?"
Fishlegs smiled, talking for Hiccup who he could tell couldn't find the words to say.
"I've helped in the field during the war. Gothi and her assistants that go around the island were always so busy, so while Snotlout and the twins helped move stuff and Astrid ran the fire-prevention portion of things, I'd go out and help the kids and the teenagers who often were tasked with helping them."
Fishlegs cleared his throat, frowning finally. He looked sad, his eyes distant.
"It was a hard time for everyone. Those teenagers were so often raising those kids while their parents were at war, and some became parents to orphans. They could never take time for themselves, so I'd help them. I'd teach the early teens, those who were barely 13, how to cook and clean, and I'd give the older ones, usually around 15 and up, someone to talk to."
Everyone was looking intently at Fishlegs now, looking sad and memories of war shown on their faces. Hiccup sighed too, sad. They acted like everything was fine, and really now it was, but even back then they put on strong, playful faces.
There would always be memories that haunted them though, Fishlegs seeming to have the worst of it. Hiccup himself couldn't even count the times he'd laid awake in bed when one of the regulars at the forge suddenly stopped showing up to get their ax fixed or new roping for their boalas, only for days later a spouse or child to come by and ask Hiccup to fix what he could of a fallen hero's weapon to keep as a heirloom or hang up on the wall. He would never cry, work with a numb face as he tried his hardest to fix a bent, broken, burned weapon for the family, only letting himself break down a couple of times when he just couldn't fix it, just couldn't get it right, and had to offer to make something new out of the metal instead when he put his mental shield back on.
Women, children, soldiers, friends…they all became sheets of paper, all looking the same so when some of them died, it didn't hurt.
Fishlegs began talking again, clearing his throat to break the tension in the room.
"Anyways…those oldest siblings, the ones taking care of the family, it'd be too much for them. They'd cry or talk about not wanting to live in a world where children had to see what they did, even then focusing more on the kids when they were just kids too. She taught me some things, gave me some books to read. I learned extremely quickly what panic attacks were and how to treat them. I think you were having a mild one, Hiccup."
Hiccup's eyes widened in surprise. Panic attack? No, that didn't make sense.
"There's no reason for me to have a panic attack. We're fine now and I have my best bud here with me, so I know no one can hurt me." Toothless, who had been staying quiet and standing to the side as Fishlegs had gestured for no one to touch Hiccup while he was calming down, now moved forward and nudged Hiccup before looking at Fishlegs will squinted eyes, almost like he was saying "I'm gonna touch him now and you can't tell me not to."
Hiccup smiled, patting his dragon on the head. The smile was real, genuine, not awkward or nervous.
"Maybe you don't now, Hiccup, but we all went through stuff back during the war. Honestly, every one of us probably has had or will have a reaction we weren't expecting. It can be a panic attack, a distrusting nature when we try to be trusting, doing something reckless to get that feeling from before back, it's gonna happen and we just have to expect it."
Astrid sighed, stepping forward again and holding her arm.
"I uh..I…" Hiccup looked surprised as he heard Astrid speak, never seeing her look so self conscious.
"When the war was going on." Astrid began, clearly this time, her voice deeper than usual and sad. He never heard her sound so sad.
The others looked at her now as intently as they had been watching Fishlegs.
"It was so normal to lose people, or to see people die. It was normal to see orphans and bring them food every day, or to watch your own house burn down. It was only when the war ended that things were different."
Astrid coughed, now putting on a tough face and speaking louder, more confidently. Hiccup could tell she was still nervous though.
"It was only after things got better that I think I started reacting to the bad stuff. During the war there was just no time to cry, scream, or punch something in anger. Now though, even tho the orphans have adoptive parents and those teens are grown and living on steady jobs, I remember all the hurt, and only now does it affect me."
"It really started right after you woke up from the Red Death battle. I think the relief that you were alive shocked me, because that wasn't normal back then. My body…I think it just wanted to stay on alert, to be careful because too good to be true often is too good to be true. For months I had nightmares that would lead to me waking up with horrible headaches for some reason, and finally the headaches got so bad that I went to Gothi. She had me speak with my parents, and eventually I did. She told me to practice with my ax like I used to, limit myself to a certain amount of time training, and then when I got home to mentally separate my training and on-guard time from family time. After about a week, the headaches went away, and the nightmares are only once every couple of weeks mostly."
Everyone looked surprised except for Fishlegs, who just looked sad. He gave a weak smile, touching Astrid's shoulder who smiled back. Ruffnut and Tuffnut were standing near Hiccup, Toothless was crooning sadly, and Snotlout looked like he couldn't decide between standing back with his arms crossed or reaching out to ask something that was on his mind.
Tuffnut stepped forward next, clearing his throat.
"This isn't anything like what Astrid described, but I do notice my scars hurt sometimes." He said, trying to sound like this was a normal conversation.
"Your…scars?" Snotlout asked, looking confused.
Tuffnut nodded. "It's weird, usually if I have a nightmare about one of the fires we used to have to put out, or about seeing one of those houses fall and injure someone. I have burn wounds-uh, scars-from it, both Ruff and I do, and sometimes if I wake up from a nightmare they randomly feel really sore until I wake up fully."
Ruffnut nodded her head, making a sound of agreement. Snotlout looked like he wanted to say something, but just grumbled to himself. He stepped closer to the group to show support and be included, but for once didn't have anything to say. That enough was proof he felt the effects of the war, too.
Hiccup looked at his riders, then down at Toothless. He huffed, nodded, and stood up on shaky legs. He looked at Fishlegs again, voice a little quieter and sounding confused.
"Okay…I understand we all have uh…an impact on our minds, but why would a birthday party with cake and gifts make me have a…a…"
"Panic attack?" Fishlegs finished for Hiccup, smiled and nodded.
"Maybe it's not that it's your birthday. Maybe it's just something about the surroundings that triggered your mind a little, and it's been a lot of little things adding up to one big event."
Hiccup raised an eyebrow, putting his thumb under his chin as he thought. Maybe Fishlegs had a point, if a small one, and it was a stretch, but maybe all the new attention was making him tense, and something about walking into the arena today was the last bolder that broke the plank of wood.
"Maybe. I don't know…" Hiccup sighed. He shook his head, pet Toothless again who crooned lightly, purring softly. Finally, he looked Fishlegs in the eye, then his other riders, and gave them a genuine smile.
"Maybe he's right. Maybe at some point I'll figure this out. Maybe it'll happen again, maybe I'll be able to stop it from happening. That doesn't matter right now though. What matters now is…being able to have my first after-the-war-birthday with you guys."
Ruffnut and Tuffnut smiled, pumping their fist in the air. Snotlout laughed, nodding his head approvingly. Fishlegs chuckled, shaking his head at Barf and Belch who had started fighting with each other.
Everyone in the room seemed to be happy that the topic of war was saved for another day. Ruffnut and Tuffnut were now standing far away with Snotlout who was trying to get Hookfang not to fight with Barf and Belch, and Hiccup laughed at them. Only Fishlegs and Astrid were left standing near him.
Astrid smiled, reaching out to put her hand on Hiccup's shoulder. To her surprise, he flinched under her touch, but when she tried to pull away he leaned into her, like his body was trying to say he still wanted her there, it just got spooked for a second.
Astrid looked at Hiccup's face for some kind of answer, but it looked at if he had no idea he'd flinched at all.
"You sure you're okay?" Astrid asked, smiling but not fully. Hiccup could see that her teeth didn't show and her smile didn't reach her eyes. He smiled too, but not fully, and sighed.
"Honestly? I'm not entirely sure."
He frowned, but a smile quickly came to his face again as he looked at her, full seriousness but also comfort on his face.
"Not completely, at least. But…I will be, and that's what matters, right?"
Astrid smiled back, looking at Fishlegs. He nodded his head, and they all seemed to have a silent understanding with each other. An understanding that the adults wouldn't get, because their after-the-war birthdays didn't happen while they were teenagers, but the riders all had in common.
A silent understanding that none of them were fully okay yet, and that that was okay. They would be, and it would just take time.
The three were broken out of their silent conversation when the sound of a thunderdrum made everyone cover their ears. Stoick and Gobber's loud voices could be heard at the entrance of the arena, almost echoing.
"I don't know about you guys, but I'm ready for some cake!" Gobber shouted happily, completely oblivious to what conversations had just occurred. He put one hand on his hip, making a happy noise, and walked to the table in the center of the room to slice himself a piece of cake before finally looking at Hiccup and waving at him, saying something about 16 being a great age while his mouth was full. Ruffnut, Tuffnut, Snotlout, and Fishlegs all joined him.
Stoick walked towards his son and Astrid, smiling at Hiccup and lifting him into a tight hug (which Hiccup for the record protested against for "fear of slipping a rib"). He wished Hiccup happy birthday, and walked towards the rest of the group, Thornado following close behind.
Hiccup looked at Astrid, smiling gratefully. She smiled and nodded back, but as she started walking away, Hiccup grabbed her wrist.
"Hey, I just wanted to say thanks for understanding." He said, letting go of her to rub the back of his neck nervously.
Astrid smiled, nodded her head and placed a quick kiss on his cheek, making Hiccup blush though it was barely visible.
"Happy 16th birthday, Hiccup."