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It started on day one when Pearl first ran into Scott. Some shine, some bizarre aura surrounded him, his voice cutting through the air and knocking at her brain more than usual. She wasn’t expecting to be genuinely upset. It was just a game.
On day two, her brain drifted back to him. She wanted to toy with him, but above that, she wanted him to notice. She wanted him to think about her. He was her soulmate, after all. Everyone else was teamed up with their soulmates. It was a natural thing to do, to play around. It was just a game.
On day three, she wanted to watch him, she wanted to be around him, she wanted to see what he was doing and she wanted to ruin it for him. Being alone, what else was she supposed to do? Her reputation for being a menace was spreading and she accepted it with great enjoyment. It was just a game.
On day four, she wanted to touch him. She'd heard others attest that, much like a soulmate’s pain, you could feel it when they were pushed, touched, held. She couldn’t feel it much, but she thought it might be fun to prove for her own sake. So she cornered him, locked eyes with him, wondered if he assumed he was in danger, and brushed his cheek. She gently swept his hair aside with trembling fingers, anxious sickness flowering in her chest. Scott flinched. His brow furrowed, but he did not recoil. Pearl felt the touch on her own face.
With one laugh, and another, giggles more energetic than she planned, she reached for his hand. “Look, it’s true,” she said, raising his palm to her own cheek. The feel of his hand was warm and comforting, a stark contrast to her lonely nights, even though she knew it was his. Scott shook, pulling his hand away to touch where it had mirrored on his skin. “I bet everyone else knows this by now. It’s weird, isn’t it?”
“Pearl, I think you’re…” Scott stammered. He wouldn’t look away from her. “I need to go.”
Pearl hesitated as Scott stepped around her. “Wait. I… I didn’t mean…” She spun around, impulsively grabbing the back of Scott’s shirt. The phantom brush she felt between her shoulders made the hair on her neck stand up. She smiled apprehensively, talking like they were telling funny jokes. “Do you have to go right now? What’s the hurry, Scotty?”
Scott looked over his shoulder, glimpsing at her face again, fearful worry in his eyes. He had goosebumps on his arms that Pearl could feel tickling her own. She felt short of breath. Scott took a step away when Pearl released him. She wondered what other players enjoyed that they weren’t. What was it like when they hugged? What was it like when their fingers interlaced? How much warmer was it than the snow she’d made a hobby out of sitting around in? Pearl wanted to laugh at the thought.
Why did Scott look so afraid? Why was he so preoccupied by unknown thoughts? Why’d he flinch away when she reached again while she ached with the desire for contact?
“Pearl, don’t do this,” he whispered so sincerely. “Don’t let them control you.”
“Who?” Pearl asked weakly. Scott fled with no answer. The hollow coldness returned.
It was just a game.
On day five, she wanted him to come back. On day five, she was tired of waking up alone in her tower. Sure, she wasn’t really alone. She had Tilly. She liked to say Tilly was her real soulmate, but she knew this wasn’t really true. As much as she hated to admit it, she was missing out on the company of her real soulmate. His expressions, his mannerisms, his eyes, they piqued her patience at times, but lately, thoughts of him put her in a good mood. Having a soulmate gave her new things to feel. She was just not getting to enjoy it like everyone else was. It wasn’t like there was anything else to it.
Scott showed up at Pearl’s door in the middle of the night, not looking much more cheerful than the last time she saw him.
“Look who it is,” Pearl said. When Scott looked at her, some kind of peculiar acceptance washed over his face.
“Can I come in?” he asked.
Ah, it was sweet and a bit pathetic. “Why, of course you can. If you brought a peace offering for Tilly, that is.” She stared over him as he entered. Scott produced a piece of meat from his belongings and knelt to feed it to the excited pup. Pearl’s chest fluttered, but she was starting to numb to it. “So, why are you here?”
“The game’s probably going to be over soon. How do you feel about teaming up?” Scott suggested simply.
Finally. Finally. Finally.
Her boundless excitement didn’t feel like it was part of her body anymore.
“Hm… I’m not sure,” Pearl said. “Say please?” She stilled with anticipation as Scott rose to look her in the eye. Her chest hurt. With a tentative sigh, Scott spoke.
“Please, let’s team up.”
It was unfeeling. Pearl inched closer. “Try again.”
Scott gritted his teeth. “Please, can we—”
“You won’t leave me again,” Pearl interrupted. It came out as less of a plea for affirmation and more of a command. She didn’t want him gone again, not with the game nearing its conclusion. How would she know these indescribable feelings of being connected to another person wouldn’t go away after the game was over? She wanted to taste it, she wanted to savor it, and make it last while it was still there.
“Pearl,” Scott’s voice warned, but it was like white noise. She hadn’t realized how close she’d gotten, how he’d bumped his feet on the stone stairs, how she could feel breath on her cheeks. If she could just get a little closer, she wouldn’t have to feel this gnawing sense of loneliness. Oh, how she’d like to punish him for making her wait this long. It made her feel sick.
Scott’s hand was on her shoulder. He applied gentle pressure to nudge her away.
“Pearl,” he repeated more urgently. Instead of thinking it through, Pearl pushed him back. She wasn’t expecting to see him fall. Admist the confusion, she grappled at him to stop it and he pulled back. She landed on his knee and halted her fall on the stairs beside his head. Their landing was a mess. Pearl felt numb pain in places that she normally wouldn’t. The pain—it connected them, didn’t it? It was mesmerizing.
With her hair hanging down the sides, she got lost in his twisted expression. She had fingers pressing into the edges of his jaw and neck. Absentmindedly, she leaned closer and her lips touched the corner of his mouth. The feeling was strange and exhilarating. She knew exactly what the sensation was like against his own.
Suddenly, it was like her brain was on fire for all the wrong reasons.
For a reason she couldn’t understand, Scott laid his hand in her tangled hair and he kissed her again. It was more purposeful than her own, but still passionless, still with no certainty. The sickly feeling worsened. Pearl, in a garbled, static-filled part of her mind, wanted to dive in and keep doing it until it became correct. She laid a hand that coursed with burning blood on Scott’s chest. With his heartbeat still resonating on her fingers, she stumbled backwards off his legs. Scott sat up and turned his head away, raising one hand to his lips.
“Sorry. Sorry,” Pearl apologized quickly. Scott looked at her again. It was different this time. She could see the hushed warning in his eyes now. “That shouldn’t have happened.”
“I know,” Scott whispered.
Riddled with guilt and knots in her stomach, she backed to the wall to sit. “I didn’t know this would happen. I didn’t realize… I just thought…”
Scott stood up and approached her. “It’s okay, Pearl.”
“I didn’t mean to go that far.”
Scott sat with her. Pearl’s hand twitched when he reached down to take it. His hand was still warm. She shivered. Tilly, she came by and sat with her too, gazing with sweet eyes. “I didn’t either,” Scott told her. “It’s okay. The game’s almost over.”
“Is it?” Pearl asked quietly.
Their heads tipped together. Scott put his arm around her. Pearl, against all her reservations, hugged him tightly. Scott returned it. It was nice. Tilly pressed her chin down on Pearl’s leg. Her worry began to dissipate.
“I think… this is fine,” Pearl said. “Just this.”
“Yeah,” Scott echoed.
They were silent for a while. Tilly’s tail was slapping against the ground.
“Scott, can you stay?”
“Of course.”
“I’m a little freaked out.”
“Me too, Pearl.”
Pearl laughed. “Do you wanna sit in some snow before bedtime? Play a little game?”
Scott squinted. “… Not particularly, no.”