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THE DNA
’Don’t treat him any differently. He’s just another suspect.’
So why does it feel like his heart’s being torn out of his chest?
. . .
THE INTERVIEW
DI Cole leaves the room. The recording has been stopped. It’s just Jimmy and Donna.
He folders his hands over the back of his chair, and leans forward. ‘Did you love Duncan?’
Her face twists into an ugly smile, and she replies, ‘Not anywhere as much as you do.’
. . .
THE CELL
Exhausted, wanting nothing more than to go home, to shut out the world and have a good cry, Jimmy steps through the unlocked door into the call, leaving it standing open, sitting up on the bench. Duncan shifts to the far corner like a cornered animal and it hurts, it really hurts to see him do it.
Jimmy lifts his feet, draws his knees up and gazes at his own hands. ‘Donna’s confessed.’
Duncan looks bewildered and Jimmy feels the almost overwhelming desire to reach over and hug, to comfort him. But he doesn’t think he’d be welcome, and it’s painful to think of the damage this has done to them. ‘Confessed?’
‘To Lizzy’s murder.’
Shock replaces the fear and resentment. ‘What?’
‘She told us that Lizzy was threatening to tell Kevin about the two of you. So… she strangled her, put her body in the boot of her car and took her over to Unst on the morning ferry, dumped her where she was found.’
’Strangle….’ He swallows, tries again. ‘Strangled her? With my scarf? Deliberately?’
‘Aye.’ He looks up, relieved when Duncan meets his gaze. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘What about Sally?’
‘She claims she had nothing to do with that and I believe her. I’m just on my way out, but I wanted to let you know what’s going on.’
Duncan looks away, over at the open door of the cell. ‘So… what happens now?’
Jimmy shrugs. ‘You’re free to go.’
‘Right.’ Duncan drops his feet to the floor, rises and walks out without a backwards glance. Jimmy watches him go, relief vying with sorrow. They’ve weathered many storms, but this might be the one that destroys them. Duncan thinks he believes him capable of killing two young women because he hasn’t done anything to dissuade him of that motion.
Dropping his head into his hands, he fights the emotion and the tears, because it isn’t over yet. He has to go confront a man he thinks might have murdered his own daughter. Everything else has to wait, however much it might cost him.
. . .
THE HOUSE
Tosh leads Thomas Malone out of the living room, and Sandy takes the shotgun, so Jimmy’s left to deal with Duncan. He’s still standing, paralysed, staring unfocused out of the floor to ceiling glass. Jimmy approaches him cautiously, touching his shoulder, his arm, feeling the feathery shivers running through him.
‘It’s over. You’re okay.’
He watches Duncan’s barely held composure crumble right in front of his eyes, tears forming, falling, streaming over his face. He reaches for Jimmy uncertainly, like he isn’t sure he won’t be pushed away, and immediately, Jimmy steps into him, wrapping strong, sure, solid arms around him and holding him. Duncan’s wet face pushes into the hollow of his neck, fingers clutch at the wool of his jumper. The strong whiff of urine meets them both at the same time, and with a sob of horror and shame, Duncan tries to step away. Jimmy just holds him tighter, hugging him while he shakes apart.
‘You’re fine,’ he murmurs. ‘It’s a natural reaction.’
The stress and fear of the last twenty four hours comes pouring out. Jimmy envies him the release. It’s exactly what he feels like doing but it’s strength that’s needed here. Later, when he’s alone, he can let it all go, let himself melt down in the exact same way before pulling the shredded, ragged remains of himself back together again as best he can, and plough on. He’s worried that sooner or later there won’t be enough left to salvage, but this time at least he thinks he’ll probably be okay.
Eventually, he feels Duncan stiffen in his arms and lets up the fierce hold he’s got of him, watches as he lifts his head, face red and blotchy, takes a half step back. Duncan wipes his sleeve across his eyes and nose, uncaring at this stage.
‘Sorry.’
‘No. Don’t be. Not for this.’ His hands rest loosely on shaking arms, and maybe he shouldn’t be surprised to find he needs the connection as much as Duncan seems to, but he is.
His tears might have subsided, but he’s unsteady on his feet, and Jimmy suggests he sits down before his legs give way, helping him to the edge of the leather chair, following him down. Duncan rubs his face, runs his fingers roughly through his hair, finally letting his hands drop into his lap, looking up, abject misery in his eyes.
‘Sorry for everything.’ It’s barely audible.
‘We’ll talk, I promise. I need to sort things out at the station. If you want to press charges against Malone….’
Duncan shakes his head, and it makes him irrationally proud. ‘Jimmy… what about… Cassie? And Alan?’
‘It’s goin’ take time. That’s all. Let me speak to Cass then I’ll call you, okay? Give me a couple of hours.’
‘Okay.’ He tries for a smile and while the relief and gratitude is there, the rest of it’s lacking.
‘I’m going to leave a uniformed officer here.’
The briefest of nods. ‘Thanks.’
Jimmy rises half way, hands on the arm of the chair, touching his forehead to Duncan’s. Closing his eyes, he presses a kiss to the silvery hairline, not really thinking about why.
Mary’s framed in the doorway, looking like she’s trying to decide whether to bolt or just simply drop to her knees and weep. Jimmy sympathises, but he needs her to stay strong for a few more hours.
Up on his feet, he says to her, ‘Look after him, please? Just until I can sort out some things at the station.’ She nods, delayed and uncertain, but it’s the best he’s going to get. He squeezes Duncan’s shoulder gently. ‘I’ll see you in bit.’
. . .
THE OFFICE
Jimmy leans against the edge of the table in Rhona’s office, arms crossed.
‘What do you want to do?’
He shrugs; what can he do? ‘Malone’s already served enough time. Everything he’s done, he was driven to it by Drew McColl, by us, by the people who should have protected him.’
Rhona looks like she’s going to accept that. ‘Is Duncan okay?’
‘No.’ Of that, he’s certain. ‘None of us are, and it’s Duncan’s fault for lying to me, but he didnae deserve to have a fucking shotgun shoved in his face in own living room.’
‘You should take a couple of days. You look knackered.’
He hasn’t slept in forty eight hours, but he doesn’t say that. ‘I keep thinking… what if he’d pulled the tigger? What if I’d arrived too late? What if I’d seen it happen? I know what it would have looked like, at that range, the damage it would have done. I don’t think I’d be able to come back from that. Duncan would have been dead before he hit-‘ The hitch of his chest, his own tears, these things actually come as a shock to him, and he swipes at his face with the back of his hand, disgusted with himself. ‘Sorry.’
Rhona comes over to sit next to him, her shoulder nudging his. ‘No need.’
‘You’re right. I’m am knackered.’
‘It’s been a stressful few days. The DNA results, the truth about Alan Killick, having to bring Duncan in, to question him, detain him…. And then that scene at his house. It’s little wonder you’d need a good cry.’
‘It’s not all about Duncan.’
‘Please.’ He hears her long-suffering sigh. ‘Do think that after all this, you might just be able to admit to yourself that it is?’
‘I don’t-‘
‘Christ, Jimmy. Everyone sees it but you. Are you that welded to society’s perceptions that you’re willing to deny yourself the one thing you need?’
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’ But in the back of his mind, he can still hear Donna’s voice: Not anywhere as much as you do.
‘If you can’t see it, if you can’t admit to yourself why this investigation has been anything but routine for you, it’s useless me pointing it out. Just… think about what you came so close to losing, and ask yourself why it matters so much.’
. . .
THE ROCKS
Jimmy watches Cassie and Duncan, catches his glance back over his shoulder, and smiles, getting a hesitant little smile in return. Then they leave, up the steps to the road and out of sight.
He stays put, sitting on the cold, hard rocks, staring out over the shore to the sea beyond, thinking about what Rhona said. It was like he’d said to DI Cole, on Shetland it’s always personal; everyone knows everyone. And yet it felt so much more than that, sitting opposite Duncan in the interview room, having to shut down everything other than the job; wanting to shout, to scream, to beg for the truth, yet terrified of what that truth would turn out to be. The bewilderment on Duncan’s face at what was happening to him had cracked open Jimmy’s heart, and all he’d wanted to do was to make it stop, but he couldn’t.
That Duncan was innocent of the two murders was never in doubt. It’s not that he doesn’t think him capable; given the right provocation, Jimmy’s absolutely certain that he would be. But immediately afterwards, he’d be down at the station confessing. Duncan might have the morals of a tomcat when it comes to his sex life, but Jimmy trusts him with his life, and with Cassie’s.
It’s over. He keeps telling himself that, and for the most part it is. Donna’s to be transferred to Aberdeen in the morning. Thomas Malone is dead. And yet, there are so many loose ends left and he’s so tired. He keeps asking himself why he can’t see Duncan in Alan, the way he sees him in Cassie? Does he just not want to? Has he been ignoring his own instincts because they’re so often right, and the last thing he’s wanted to be on this occasion was right. When Sandy had confirmed the DNA match between Duncan and Alan, an ice cold chill had settled in his chest and he’d been scared, as frightened for himself as he had been for Duncan. The same was true when he’d walked into the house and seen Malone with that shotgun. The truth is, from the moment he saw the scarf in that video, he’s been driven purely by the need to prove Duncan’s innocence, for both their sakes, as well as for Cassie’s.
He knows how petrified Duncan must have been when Malone confronted him, but again he’d had to deal with the threat before he could offer any comfort. He’s sick of feeling that way. He’s exhausted, running on fumes, and he’s been thinking that all he needs is a drink and his bed, but it isn’t.
Duncan’s a frustrating, annoying, irritating pain in the arse, but he is his pain in the arse. Life without him in it is simply unthinkable. That smile they shared just before he and Cassie left… they share so many just like it, every day. He’s always around, Jimmy often drives passed him as he’s roaming the islands, bumps into him in coffee shops, they exchange little waves when he sees him around town. Then there are the nights when he pops in to share a nightcap, or to cook, to make sure Jimmy eats at least one proper meal a week. Duncan’s the one he talks to, the one he shares himself with, the man whose company he enjoys, looks forward to. Sometimes, even craves. The thought of him not being there, of never again seeing that smile, hearing his laugh, glimpsing the mischief in those lovely eyes, hazel green flecked with gold….
He drops his head into his hands. Fuck. Fuck his life. Because he simply doesn’t have the energy to keep denying it.
Everyone sees it but you.
Cassie and Duncan are gone around an hour.
He watches them hug at the bottom of the stone steps, reassured by it. Then Cassie’s letting herself into the house while Duncan turns to head off with a sideways glance over at him, and it hasn’t occurred to Jimmy that he would just leave. He waves him over, and after a slight hesitation, Duncan picks his way across the rocks to sit beside him.
The anger and betrayal Jimmy had felt when they were yelling at one another in the cell has long since dissipated, replaced by an odd sort of calm. The worst is over, the threat has gone away, they just need to deal with the aftermath.
‘Thanks for calling.’ He’s left about a foot of stone between them and Jimmy isn’t sure he likes that.
‘How did it go?’ He asks softly, and Duncan shrugs, rubbing his hands together between his bent knees.
‘I’m no’ going to win Father of the Year, but it’s not as if I was in line for it before this.’
‘Give her time. When I told her we’d taken you in for questioning, she was devastated, but she’s forgiven you worse.’
Duncan’s expression is sceptical, and maybe he’s right to be, but Jimmy has faith in their daughter. ‘What about you? Can you forgive me?’
That’s an easy one. ‘Always. I was angry and hurt because you lied to me. But... I get it. You keep something a secret, holding it inside, for so long, it becomes second nature to protect it. Even when it’s not the best thing for anybody.’
‘Are we still talking about Donna?’ Quiet, curious.
He sighs softly. ‘Probably not.’
‘You were so disappointed with me after you found out I’d been flirtin’ with Lizzy, I kept thinking how much worse it would be if you knew I’d had an affair, let alone possibly fathered an illegitimate child.’
It brings his tumbling thoughts to a hard stop. ‘You were willing to risk jail just because you were worried I’d be disappointed?’
‘I didn’t think I was risking jail time until I was sitting in that cell. I mean, what I did was morally reprehensible but it wasn’t illegal.’ He sounds defensive but Jimmy isn’t going to rise to it.
‘You never suspected Donna of having anything to do with Lizzy’s death?’
‘No. Why would I? I still can’t believe a woman I once loved killed a wee lass… what kind of man does that make me?’ He glances at Jimmy. ‘Don’t answer that.’
‘What she did… it doesn’t reflect on you.’
‘Come on. You don’t think less of me now than you did before? Actually, is that even possible?’ He holds up his hands almost immediately. ‘Don’t answer either of those.’
He doesn’t, but he does reach over and give Duncan’s shoulder a gentle, friendly nudge. ‘Weren’t you worried Cassie and Alan might… you know.’
‘Well, obviously… I’d have said something if I’d thought that. They’re just friends though. Cassie’s still gettin’ over Edison.’
‘And you’ve never had a rebound relationship?’ Yet Jimmy already knows the answer to that one. ‘Of course you haven’t. You said it yourself, you’ve never been chucked.’
‘I’ve been people’s rebounds.’
Jimmy gazes at him with a fondness he’s no longer willing to hide. ‘I don’t doubt it.’ He lets it hang in the air between them for a moment longer than necessary. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Not really. I don’t think I’ll ever sleep again.’
‘You need to talk about it.’
‘And say what? A man who spent twenty three years in prison for a crime he thought I’d committed, turned a twelve bore on me and threatened to put a hole in my chest from eight feet away?’ His voice is uneven. ‘We both know what would have happened if he’d pulled the trigger.’
It’s a nightmare image Jimmy hasn’t been able to get out of his head. His emotions still feel raw, like open wounds, so how the hell Duncan’s holding it together…. Then he realises that he isn’t. A foot away, Duncan’s sitting with tears falling silently over his cheeks and soaking into his beard. Jimmy moves across the space between them until they’re shoulder to shoulder, and puts his hand on Duncan’s leg, just above his knee, making small circles in the denim with his thumb. He feels Duncan lean into him, head dropping, hands locked together in front of him, fighting to maintain what little composure he has left.
‘It’s going to be okay,’ Jimmy murmurs, gently kissing his hair the way he used to with Cassie when she was upset, sitting up to gaze out at the horizon and give them both time. It’s a relief to know their friendship hasn’t been damaged beyond repair by the events of the last couple of days.
After a while, Duncan speaks up, voice jagged. ‘Did Lizzy die because of me?’
‘Lizzy died because Donna was scared of Kevin.’ Jimmy is certain of this at least. 'Kevin was an abusive bastard who should have been behind bars. If anyone was in a position to help, it was Drew. He should have done more, should have convinced her to press charges but he didn’t. He did nothing.’
‘Drew?’ Duncan sniffs, wiping his face on his sleeve. ‘Drew McColl? What does he have to do wi’ it?’
‘He was in love with Donna. Still is. He… killed Sally to protect her.’
The expression of horror on Duncan’s face mirrors how Jimmy’s felt since Drew’s confession. ‘He killed his own daughter?’
‘She found out he’d framed Malone for Lizzy’s death. She confronted him and he strangled her.’
‘How can a man do that to his own child?’
‘I don’t know. Truth be told, I wanted to break his fucking neck.’
The silence between them stretches, calm as the sea on a summer day. They’ll weather this the way they have done everything that’s happened before and everything that’s still to come. They’ll do it because Fran would want them to. They’ll do it because Cassie needs them to. He’s hoping they’ll do it for another reason too.
He deliberately follows the inner seam of Duncan’s jeans, back and forth with his thumb, just to see what he’ll do. He has to wait a while, then light fingers tease the sandy hairs on his forearm, and Duncan’s thumb slides to the underside of his wrist to trace a line down into his palm. Jimmy shivers at the touch.
‘I need somewhere to stay,’ Duncan murmurs, and he nods without hesitation.
‘I’ll get a key cut tomorrow and clear out the spare room, make it yours.’
‘I meant…. I’m happy on your sofa.’
‘You need somewhere more permanent, somewhere you can feel safe.’
‘Thank you.’
He sounds stunned, and Jimmy can hear the words he’s not saying, the uncertainties and doubts. ‘You’re family, Duncan. I’m not about to turn my back on you because you’ve made mistakes. We all have.’
‘Mine feel a wee bit more serious than yours.’
‘Aye, well. We’re different people. Doesn’t mean I don’t love you.’
Duncan pauses in his light caresses of Jimmy’s arm, voice thick when he says, ‘Never thought I’d hear that from you.’
There are gulls circling at the edge of the water. Jimmy watches them for a time. ‘I should have said it a long time ago. Time was, I’d look at Cassie and see so much of Fran in her that I loved her all the more for it. But recently, I’ve been seeing more of you in her… and loving her all the more for it.’ He shifts so he’s facing Duncan, leaving his arm where it is, careful not to dislodge the lazy touches that feel like a prelude to something more. ‘I didn’t, for a second, believe you were capable of hurting those girls, let alone killing them. If Donna hadn’t confessed, I would have fought for you, tooth and nail.’
‘Why?’
‘Because the alternative isn’t an option.’
Duncan nods like he understands. ‘I know I’ve not been good for you recently but I’ll try to be better, try not to disappoint you any more than I have done.’
‘Ack, Duncan…. You’ll give yerself a hernia trying to be someone you’re not. Just… have a little faith in me, trust me. And I’ll try to be less judgemental with you, because I know I set the bar so high sometimes, you don’t stand a chance.’
They lean into one another, foreheads coming together, noses brushing, lips touching. It’s barely a kiss, more of a placeholder, but it’s enough, for now.