Chapter Text
Peter Parker has recently been plagued with a certain mercenary who claims they just work “So well together!” And whatnot, it's exhausting being around him. The weird, constant flirtations, praise of his ass, and his apparently “Hot and sexy combat skills!” Horrifying. But he is kind of a nice guy, and his poor college student ass cannot pass up free food after patrol. The one thing he cannot stand about Deadpool however, is his constant incessant need to insist their a team of some sort. They are NOT a team, he is the one saving the entirety of New York, every goddamn night, and he’d like a little bit of recognition. Deadpool is just there! He doesn’t even help half the time, he just sits around and acts like Spiderman is some common whore or something!
Hes not all bad, but Jesus Christ is he annoying. He also loves murder! The thing Peter swore off in like highschool! He’s trying his hardest to somehow “fix” him best he can, he doesn’t have many friends other than one of his ex girlfriends so he clings to what he can. MJ says he sounds like a teen girl who says she can fix some big bad mafia man in a fanfiction, he completely disagrees! He would be the mafia guy, he has superpowers for God’s sake! He sounds like fucking Deadpool, doesn’t he.
Only now does Peter realize that he has been sitting here, on his bed, suit next to him, to absorbed in his own internal monologue he completely forgot he was going out for patrolling tonight. He pulls it over him, struggles with the zipper for a minute, and heads out to the window to swing to his & Deadpool’s normal spot. And you’d never guess who was already there.
”Webs! Baby Boy! Spidey! Where’ve you been? I was scared senseless!”
“You act like I made a commitment to be here at a certain time, you’re the one who follows me around all the time!”
“Calm down Spidey, just lookin’ out for a cutie-bootie like you”
And he fucking winks at him. He WINKS? THROUGH THE MASK?
“Deadpool how the fuck did you just do that?!”
“Gasp! Webs, cursing? Over some of my sweet Deadpool magic, well don’t worry your pretty head about it. It’s just the author’s headcannon!”
“Author? Headcannon? Deadpool, what planet do you live on?”
Spiderman raised an eyebrow under the mask, this time no action from the actual suit sadly, his costume design isn’t as advanced yet. Deadpool sat staring at him, swinging his feet off the building. Spiderman sat there, looking at Deadpool like he was crazy, which to his credit he technically was, but he just liked to call it flair. Eventually Spiderman sighed and sat next to him, scooting in a bit closer after a breeze made him shiver. Goddamn those stupid spider genes destroying his body temperature regulation.
“Oh! Spidey! You’d be delighted to hear I havent killed anyone in a whole week! Just mild beatings and whatnot, but no murder! Pinky swear!”
Deadpool held out his pinky, Spiderman again sighed weakly as he interlocked his pinky with Deadpool’s
“Good job man, I’m proud, or something. Now if only we could get you to stop borderline sexually harassing me.”
“I love it when you praise me, Spidey, everything sounds so nice in your pretty voice..”
Times like this made Spiderman glad he wears a mask, so Deadpool can’t see the hot pink blushing mess he turns into when Deadpool flirts seemingly more seriously. Suddenly, and luckily for Spiderman ( And the plot!) he hears screams.
“Deadpool, if you’d like to make yourself useful I sense some crime over in that direction.”
“You know I love to help, and never to murder! Would you please web us over, I swear I won’t scream!”
“Mhm, grab on then ‘Pool.”
“You used a nickname! I knew you loved m- AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!”
Deadpool screeched as Spiderman began to take them to the crime scene, Deadpool’s muscular arms clutching onto his waist made him feel.. Emotions! Definitely didn’t play into certain scenarios he’d been thinking about as of recent. He was a strong independent superhero who was NOT falling for some mercenary who constantly talks about a 4th wall and a dire need to flirt with him at all times. Oh, those scenarios, his fantasies, his unattainable dreams. He didn’t even know he liked men! He used to be the crime fighting, night stalking, solitary superhero of New York! But Deadpool arrived one day and flipped his reality and persona upside down. His annoyingly contemplative inner monologue has again distracted him long enough to realize they’ve arrived.
”Hello criminals! Spiderman and his lovely assistant Deadpool are here to kick some ass!”
“We are not a team!”
The criminal puffed up his chest trying to look intimidating or something, “You two seem like you need to work out some things before you try to catch me!” Was he trying to sass them? A superhero and an.. anti-hero, both known for their sass!
“Unpuff that chest and pipe down Mr. Criminal! This is just some ol’ fashioned Spiderman-Deadpool banter!”
“Yeah, sure, just shut up and put the knife down! Also, that was an awful burn.”
Mr. Criminal, Deadpool had affectionately named him, did not put the knife down, instead opting to try to put Spiderman in a headlock. Failing terribly, getting his hand broken and thrown to the ground, Spiderman now standing above him.
“Wow Spidey, wish you’d do that to me more often.”
“Be useful and help the victim, you know first-aid.”
“Whatever you say honeybuns!”
Spiderman webs Mr. Criminal up as he holds him down with a foot, Mr. Criminal angrily screams profanities and becomes more and more clear he is drunk out of his mind. He looks over to Deadpool helping the poor woman, looking at her gently, sweetly almost. He never sees this side of him, always making jokes at his or a criminal's expense, working in flirting into the conversation as much as he can, never actually being sincere. He’s seen the calmer, kinder side of him once before. Once he got a godawful bullet wound in his arm and Deadpool carefully tended to him as best he could.
Deadpool finally notices him staring after he finishes up with the nice woman, looking down to the man webbed down to the pavement. He looks back to the woman and gives her some money for a taxi before walking back to Spiderman.
“Alright! Are we done being awesome superheroes? Can we return to our lovely roof?”
“Yeah, I think we got it all done. Police will get ‘em in the morning, C’mon Deadpool.”
Again, Deadpool grabs onto him tight and screeches when they begin to get into the air. He lets his thoughts run wild again, what it would be like to not shut himself away, to let Deadpool in. He did it with Gwen, that went. He did it with MJ, less terrible, they still talk. But Deadpool feels different, like he’s able to be around him without any nerves, he’s let enough of his personal life slip that Deadpool could find him if he really wanted to. He didn’t though, he still pesters him about it sometimes, but it’s all jokes now. It means a lot to him that Deadpool respects his privacy. Somethings about Deadpool piss him off, the murder thing is a big one, but he's learning to live with it. His presence is exhausting sometimes, but it’s nice to have someone who knows what it’s like to be stuck under the mask.
They were back at the roof, their roof. Sadly he has succumbed to the fact since he got here, with all his thinking. Lot more than usual, hurts him to think about that, he misses his less clouded brain, when he could just patrol with an empty mind-
“Webs! You in there? I’m hungry and ready for a bit of a break-“
“Dude, we stopped one guy and you just tended to some woman.”
“Yes! In need of a break, you understand. I know you’re too broke to turn down a meal sooo, does Chinese sound good? A new place opened nearby!”
“Yeah, Chinese sounds good.”
Peter Parker has not been plagued with Deadpool, instead he feels like he’s been blessed with Deadpool. He mostly retracts his first statement, he buys him food, is fairly helpful during crime fighting, and is good company. The murder thing can be put aside for now, he’s been behaving himself lately, hasn’t killed in a whole week! It’s funny how his attitude can change so much in like, 3 hours, it’s a big thing to see the soft side of Deadpool. Maybe Peter Parker doesn’t have to be some sad lonely superhero after all.