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Connor loves Jude.
He knew from the moment he saw this little guy coming into class for the first time.
There was something that immediately caught his attention.
It wasn't that this kid was Hot, or something.
He was cute actually, with an eccentric bowl cut which fall on those beautiful, yet lifeless, eyes.
From miles away, Connor could see that those eyes just needed a smile.
And he felt like he was the one who could do that.
That kid is not the same person as the one he's kissing right now.
Jude's eyes finally have a spark in it that he likes to think he's the one who made it happen,along with his amazing and loving family.
“Con..” Jude whispers, pulling away.
His cheeks are flushed and lips swollen but he can't keep the smile off his face.
“mm?” Connor's still a little numb from the sensation of bliss that is kissing his boyfriend.
“The bell's gonna ring soon and we are not exactly subtle." Jude giggles while looking around in the empty hallways.
"Right, God forbid if someone sees us ” Connor replies with a sassiness he didn't have intention to bring out.
The fact is:
Connor loves Jude and Jude loves Connor.
Why should they care about what other people think?
His dad knows, HIS DAD.
After nearly six months, he still can't understand why they should care about other people's opinions.
Unfortunately Jude's a brick wall, stubborn like hell.
They have this discussion almost every day, when after making out, they have to let go and pretend to be just friends.
He's doing this for the sake of the relationship, but also because Connor is incapable of staying away from Jude.
He doesn't like this at all, but the truth is that he is weak.
How can he follow his head when he is submitted by his heart?
“Connor....” Jude starts.
“Whatever... let's go back to class”
But that doesn't mean that he can't express how he feels.
And he feels frustration.
A lot of it.
" Jude, I don't know for how long I can keep doing this..”
Connor pulls away from his locker,and without waiting for Jude, he starts walking to his next class.
Jude lays with his back against the locker, eyes starts to filling with tears.
He's can't help but feel like a selfish asshole.
It's not that he's ashamed of Connor, rather he is proud to be in a relationship with him.
He always felt like Connor took him under his wings, and protected from all the bad things in the world.
He is an amazing guy, and Jude feels awful about how he treats him sometimes.
But he can't help himself,if he just can't move forward from the past.
He remembers his first day of foster care,when he walked in the cold house and found his “new” family staring, as though he and his sister were aliens.
So,he lowered his eyes, while not letting go of Callie's hand, trying not to focus on how they were being treated; like he and his sister were not worthy of having a home or a family.
Although they are now in a loving family, he still has this idea in the back of his mind: the less people know the better.
He wants to live his life and "just be Jude."
He continues to fear the judgment of people and believes that if he comes out, it will just be another label.
However, he is starting to realize that this fear may lead Connor to break up with him, leaving him feeling alone once again.
“Can we talk about this please?”
Connor doesn't reply to Jude's text and doesn't turn around to where he knows Jude is sitting.
He places his phone back in his pocket and keeps staring absentmindendly into space.
He is done talking because it always ends up the same.
It's like a carousel.
They talk, he express his frustration, while Jude cries and begs Connor not to break up with him.
Then Connor gets lost in those eyes and loses any ability to break up with him.
He thinks about all the reasons why they should, but there is one important reason not to, and that is Jude.
This time though feels different because he is consumed with the idea that Jude doesn't want to come out about their relationship because he is ashamed, leaving Connor to feel deflated and unworthy.
“This year, we are hosting the annual School fundraiser's fair”
Connor tries to focus on the teacher for the first time that period.
"The parent board thinks that it would be interesting to add a kissing booth this year"
The room started buzzing with excited students whispering and giggling about who's gonna be the lucky one to get the kisses.
“It seems that the idea is highly appreciated.. “Timothy laughs.
“I was thinking that you guys should vote on one male and one female to work in the kissing booth.”
Timothy instructs them to write down a male and a female name to decide who will be in charge of the booth.
Turns out that Karma it's a real bitch sometimes because the designated names are Daria... and Connor.
Jude frowns while he did not miss the mischievous glow on Daria's face thrilled to share the booth with his (Secret) Boyfriend.
“So are you really gonna do this? Kiss half of the school" Jude is panting while chasing Connor down the school's exit.
“Connor please stop and talk to me!”
He grabs Connor's arm before he finally turns around.
"Tell me exactly what I should have said to Timothy...and the class!”
Connor is clearly pissed and Jude drops his arm, but at least his boyfriend doesn't walk away.
“I couldn't say anything! Nobody knows that we are boyfriends! Tell me what could I have said to them!”
Connor doesn't get this... he doesn't get Jude. But, he is right though.
Nobody knows.
Nobody knows about the lingering brushes of their hands when they are standing next to each other in the hallways; or about their sneaky encounters,when they have different classes.
Nobody knows about that time when Jude couldn't deal with his sister's screw up and he hid in a bathroom's stall, then Connor found him and without saying a word, he hugged him in till the tears were gone.
Nobody knows that right now, Jude has no words because what he's doing to his boyfriend isn't fair.
Connor doesn't wait for an explanation, he just turns and walks away and they don't speak for the rest of the day.
The next day, Jude can only feel anxiety and pain throught all over his body.
It's the school fundraiser fair's day and he is preparing to witness to his (secret) boyfriend kiss the whole school.
He is also preparing for the fact that Connor will probably break up with him afterwards.
He feels frustrated too because, apparently Daria is very thrilled to share the kissing booth with Connor.
“You know, I think that during your shift I could take advantage of this Charity thing.”He heards her say while winking to a very unimpressed Connor.
From the way she talks, everybody can figure that she doesn't give a crap about charity.
“Trouble in paradise?”Jude gasps because not only did she scared the hell out of him but because he didn't think she knew.
“...How do you..?”
“Please...”Taylor interrupts him with a dismissively gesture of her hand.
“Have you met me?”
Jude blinked in surprise.
She's always been an A student, and she's never been afraid to praise herself.
Jude lets out a laugh.. and laugh... and laugh... until he feels hot tears slides down his cheeks against his own will.
“Jude what...?” He cover his face with his hands, taking deep breaths.
Taylor's scared because she figures that Jude is having some kind of panic attack so She leads him to a secluted spot near the trees in order to let him cool down a bit.
It takes a while, in fact they spend at least 10 minutes just sitting there quietly without sharing a word.
Jude's head lays against her shoulder while he's taking deep breaths.
“We have been seeing each other six months ago ” He finally starts, and Taylor is staring at him intently with a stunned look on her face.
She has noticed the way they interact with each other or their smiles whenever one of them make a joke, or the way that Connor's pinkie would intertwine with Jude's when they are sure nobody's watching.
And then.. there's the sparks in their eyes that are not just friendly.
Jude tells her how they got together in that hospital room after the shooting, and that Jude preferred to keep things between him and Connor.
“I screwed up because I let my childhood influence me, and now it's ruining the best thing that's ever happened to me.” He lowers his eyes feeling ashamed.
“I don't blame him,if he doesn't want to deal with me anymore”.
He feels Taylor's tiny hand on his.
“Can I be honest? Jude nods.
“You're an idiot, but in relationship,we are all idiots; You need to learn that at the end of the day you are going home to your man and no one else.
The only opinions that should matter are yours and his, otherwise you will never be happy."
Jude sighs because Taylor's words are wise and so right,so it gives him the push he needed so he stands up with a giant smile on his face, finally ready to live his life and happiness to the fullest.
“Go get your man,Jude Adams-Foster, before Daria is done applying her lip gloss”.
It hasn't officially started, yet there are a lot of people waiting in line to get their kiss.
Jude decides to cut the line, ignoring the protests from the other students.
He finally gets in front of the booth, pushing aside some nerdy dude with glasses, who is ready to smooch Daria.
“I'm here to get my kiss.” Jude says trying to keep the confidence in his voice despite the terrifying anxiety he's actually feeling throught all over his body.
Connor stares at him with wide eyes from behind the counter.
“What the hell is happening?” he thinks feeling bewildered.
Daria misjudges the situation,clueless and narcissist as usual.
“Listen Jude i'm flattered.... but you have to wait if you want my kiss.....“I'll save you the best one though”
Daria winks at him and despite the weirdness of the gesture, he simply ignores her.
“Jude,what are you doing?”Connor pushes Daria aside and looks around, trying to understand what is happening at that moment.
“I want my kiss” Connor sees the determination on Jude's face and is completely stunned as he watches Jude pulling out some money from his pocket and laying it on the counter.
“And i'm gonna get it”
Connor stilll doesn't know what to reply to that.
Sure he's ready to be out on the open, but he doesn't want Jude to do something that he isn't ready for.
He heards once again Daria's meddling.
“Listen Jude,I appreciated but..” Jude raise his hand to stop her.
“Not you Daria.”
Connor doesn't know if he's gonna laugh or cry because this is really happening.
He watches Daria still stunned looking confused at his (Official?... not yet) Boyfriend.
Connor turns his attention to Jude asking in the most gentle way:
“And who do you want your kiss to be with Jude?”
It's clearly a rhetorical question, and infact he doesn't get a response.
Jude smiles mischeviously as he lays his hand on the back of Connor's neck. Looking Connor softly in the eyes before gently connecting their lips.
The world around seems to stop, it's Just them right now...
Ok maybe a line of twenty people in awe, Daria, still frozen in shock, and Taylor grinning and cheering them on.
Connor pulls away,smiling lovingly at the boy in front of him.
He feels like a huge weight is lifted off his shoulder and he can't help but caress Jude's cheeks and kissing him again; this time lingering a little too much.
Out of breath they pull apart again,and despite the cheering from behind them Jude is still all he can feel, and focus on.
“Best twenty bucks that I've ever spent!"