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“Doctor, how old are ya?” Rose asked casually as she tucked her knees up to her chin. She looked like a little kid for a moment, sitting like that in the tan leather seat in the Tardis control room. The Doctor smiled a little at the sight of her, then turned his gaze back to the control panel, flicking switches and pressing buttons to make himself look busy.
“Nine hundred and two,” he said finally, uncharacteristically quiet, his eyes cast downwards. Rose stood up, always able to tell when something wasn’t quite right with her doctor.
“But Doctor, you told me you were nine hundred exactly, back when you were the other you. Leather you,” she added with a chuckle, full of nostalgia for the witty and enthusiastic Doctor who tried to hide his soft nature by wearing a leather jacket and spitting sass. “I’m still nineteen, so where did those two years come from?” She leaned forward onto the console, looking at the Doctor with a playful glint in her eye and a smile, one she was hoping he would match.
“If you remembered that I told you nine hundred, why did you ask?” He must have realized how sad he sounded, because he painted on the mask of giddy mischievousness and a sly grin appeared on his lips. “Is this a test, Miss Rose Tyler?”
“Maybe it is, Doctor. I’m your teacher and this is my test for you,” she stood up straight and tried her best to look stern, like that horrendous English teacher she’d has back in school. “How old are you, your grade depends on this, mister Doctor!” She folded her arms across her chest and struggled to keep a straight face.
“Oh, Madame Tyler, I’m afraid it appears I don’t know how old I am, you’ll have to fail me!” He ran around to the other side of the console and hid behind the engine shaft. “Please don’t phone my mum,” his accent grew momentarily thicker and his voice got high pitched, obviously mocking Rose. This did it for her, and she nearly doubled over laughing at the sight of the Oncoming Storm hiding behind his engines and begging forgiveness from the scary teacher.
“Doctor, get back here, I won’t bite too hard,” she said with a glowing smile, opening her arms and inviting him to come back to safety. He smiled, the warmth of it finally reaching his eyes, as he strode back over to his golden companion, wrapping his arms around her tightly.
The two years had been time he had spent mostly alone, that he had never wanted to admit to her. Well, it wasn’t exactly a full two years. When he’d met her, he was nearing the end of his 900th year, and today was his 902nd birthday. Secrets he planned on keeping to himself. After he thought he’d lost her to the Dalek, back when he wore leather, he’d spent some time alone. He got her back and all was well, even though she demanded that stupid genius kid Adam come on an adventure with them. Right after he dropped Rose and Adam off at satellite 5, he had hopped back in his Tardis and left. He knew he would come back, right to that exact moment in time. Despite what accidents occasionally happened, he did actually know how to fly it accurately.
He left and spent several months alone, completely alone. He visited Felspoon, and marveled at the mountains that moved in the wind. Of course, they only moved because the wind was so astronomically strong, but the Tardis kept him safe. Regardless of the strange mountains, Felspoon bore a strange resemblance to Gallifrey, with its desert climate and the natives’ affinities for red and gold. It wasn’t much, but it was as close to ‘home’ as he could get. He managed to make himself a personal wind-shell and he climbed to the top of the tallest swaying mountain and fell into a deep meditative trance.
It had been centuries since he’d meditated like that, alone and in peace. He supposed he spent two months on top of that mountain, his body stripping its functions down to only the bare essentials, rather like a bear in hibernation.
He shook his head as he squeezed Rose closer to him, not wanting to think of those months alone with his thoughts. Most of those thoughts were of her. He had almost lost her, and it had shattered his world. He wiped a small tear from the corner of his eye before releasing Rose.
“Doctor, are you okay?” The tear was nowhere to be seen, but Rose knew he never hugged her for that long unless he was scared of sad.
“Yes, of course!” He said, a large grin on his face. “You’re here, me and you in the Tardis, together and traveling. You know where we should go? The seventies!” He turned his attention back to the control panel, dancing around the console, flipping switches with much more drama than was necessary, earning a giggle from Rose.
“Why?” She asked, not entirely convinced by his show.
“Everyone’s so happy in the seventies!” He declared from across the room, typing coordinates in like a madman. “It’s like one massive party, all the time! Well, it’s a party if you know where to go. Well, if you know who to avoid. Well-“
“Doctor!” She shouted with a wide smile on her face and laughter in her voice.
“Yes?” He asked, looking straight at her with excited, beautiful eyes.
“What’s wrong?” her voice softened, but she kept a smile in place for him, trying to convince him it was safe to tell her.
He walked towards her and got very close. He often did, get close to her. They hugged and geld hands and protected each other. Close was nothing new. But this look in his eyes, this was new. More like an old look, the one she’d seen frequently in the blue eyes of her leather jacket doctor. An immense sadness, akin to the look she’d seen in those blue eyes right before he regenerated in front of her, though he’d tried to mask it with a calm smile.
“It’s my birthday,” he admitted quietly, his eyes not leaving hers. His hands were confined to his trouser pockets, mostly because he didn’t want them to do anything stupid. Rose looked beautiful always, but she looked especially gorgeous like this, when her face was full of emotion. He just wished it was good emotion.
“Isn’t that a good thing? I mean, we should be celebrating, yeah?” She was genuinely confused, and her concern was apparent in her eyes.
“Not for me, not anymore.”
“Why not? Don’t Time Lords have birthday parties?” She asked, trying to sound like she was teasing him in an effort to cheer him up.
“Yes, they did. Massive affairs, lots of food and family and alcohol,” His voice grew distant, but the remnant of a smile did cross his lips. “Rose, on a Time Lord’s birthday, our telepathic abilities grow temporarily stronger, reaching out to our family members and people we care deeply about. It’s a day of love and peace and joy. You can literally feel how your loved ones feel, and during that glorious day, you are completely and entirely together.”
“So, shouldn’t you be happy?” She asked, a small smile in her voice as she imagined her Doctor getting drunk and partying. She made a mental note to take him to a bar for their next trip.
“I have no one to connect with, Rose,” he said in a dark voice, any trace of warmth or joy left his face. “They’re all gone. My mind is desperately trying to find my family, my best friends. But no one’s there, there’s no one to answer!” His voice grew into a growl and Rose couldn’t think of anything to do but wrap her arms around him, resting he head against his shoulder so she could faintly hear the double heartbeat deep in his chest. It was her turn to allow a tear to escape.
“I’m so sorry, Doctor,” she managed, happy to feel his arms envelope her.
“I’m glad you’re here, Rose.” His voice broke, as he realized how his words must have made her feel. “If you were a Time Lady with proper telepathic abilities, you would be all I need today,” he found himself laughing, overwhelmed with the truth of what he’d just said. “Rose, I am feeling terribly sorry for myself today. So I should tell you now, no matter how sad I look, I’m just fine. In fact, I’m more than fine,” He pulled away from her so he could look at her and try to make her smile. “You’re here. Just because I can’t take a place in your mind today, doesn’t mean you’re not always in mine. You are the only party guest I need this year,” He smiled a genuine smile, his hands on her shoulders. She wiped her tear away and took a deep breath, recentering herself.
“Then let’s make it a fantastic birthday,” she declared, using the favorite phrase of his former self.
“Excellent plan,” He agreed, turning back to the controls again. “Allons-y, Rose Tyler!”