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Van Dijk dusted the dresser in Alisson's bedroom, careful to mind the framed photograph perched on top of a stack of books. The days after matches, usually reserved as a rest day, were chore days for the Liverpudlians. Each had their task—or tasks if the one task was very easy—assigned randomly by a large spinning wheel. Van Dijk had a history of getting stuck with the fullbacks for chores, but today, he was on dusting duty with Alisson. Besides the Double Dutch making the old "dusting off your romance" joke, dusting wasn't bad whatsoever compared to some of the other chores.
Van Dijk and Alisson had agreed to split up the dusting surfaces in half, including the multiple bedrooms. Alisson was dusting the bedrooms on the right, and Van Dijk was dusting the ones on the left.
The bedrooms on the left included Alisson's bedroom. He'd never slept alone since the whole team moved in with each other, and now he'd been sleeping alone for two months. Van Dijk had worried about how Alisson would adjust to yet another change, but so far Alisson seemed to be handling it well, if not rather silently.
Something fluttered down from the dresser, snapping Van Dijk out of his thoughts. At first, he'd thought that he'd knocked over one of Alisson's hair ribbons--why he had those in the first place, Van Dijk would never know. But when he looked down, he saw that what he'd knocked down was a piece of paper.
He picked it up, expecting a shopping list or maybe a drawing that one of the kids had made for him. He was surprised by the sheer amount of words on it.
Dear Ali,
I don't know how to start a letter to myself. Not only is it awkward, but it's weird. How do you talk to yourself on paper?
Van Dijk stopped, rereading the first line in surprise. He knew Alisson wrote poetry sometimes, as well as paper letters to some of his family and friends. But of all the things he'd expected Alisson to write, a letter to himself was not one of them.
He knew he should put the letter down and continue dusting the furniture. But a familiar something in him told him to keep reading.
Darn you, curiosity and empathy.
Anyway, I remember last summer when we were watching Ted Lasso with the rest of the squad. Lasso said something about how being sad alone is worse than being sad together. I understood it then, but that show has a funny way of making you think about certain things differently.
I was never really alone before. Muri and I played together back home before I moved to Italy. Then there were a couple of Brazilians in Romaine, and of course, there were Bobby, Flaco, and Marcinho here. I miss almost everybody who's gone, but especially Bobby.
Van Dijk remembered Ted Lasso well, too. The team, on tour in Singapore at the time, had gathered in the auditorium to watch a couple of episodes together. That had included the episode from season one, where Richmond got relegated to the second division. Most of the team had gotten a bit emotional at the locker room scene in that episode, and Alisson was no exception.
A couple of years ago, Van Dijk would've been furious. He would've called Milner, who'd suggested adding Ted Lasso to the team's summer watchlist, and grilled him for upsetting Alisson further about their friends' departure. But that was then, and this was now. He'd grown since then.
Bobby and I are...I think we're special. We know what each other needs, when we need it, and how we need it. We know what makes each other laugh. We barely fought over our five years of knowing each other, except for a couple of times.
We met each other's siblings while on holiday in 2019. We gave each other the sister and brother we never had in our childhoods. Bobby gave my older brother the job of protecting his younger sister while the two were in Brazil. My brother gave Bobby the job of protecting his younger brother while both of them were in England. That younger brother happened to be me. Our siblings are almost as inseparable as we are.
When Bobby left for Jeddah, it felt like something in me flew off with him. I knew it was going to be hard, but I under-thought how hard it would be. When I'm busy with stuff or I'm hanging out with the team I'm okay, but when things slow down I can feel the emptiness like raindrops in a well.
Van Dijk felt a twinge of guilt at the last part. He knew how hard it had been for Alisson to come to terms with Firmino's departure in the first place, much less the loneliness and after-effects of the departure. Van Dijk had made an effort, especially in the past couple of months, to hang out with Alisson, despite both of them's increased responsibilities as first and fourth captain. But recently, with Alisson's injury and the busy match schedule that necessitated the team traveling around the country, Van Dijk and Alisson had spent less time together than they usually did, leaving Alisson to mull and stew over the thoughts previously bottled inside.
Whoa, I actually underthought something for once instead of unnecessary overthinking! Bobby would be so proud of me.
It's bad, but I'd feel far worse if it wasn't for the constants in the club. Every day, Mo starts gym work before all of us, working every muscle in his body until he looks like a living bodybuilder advertisement. Every day, the fullbacks squabble over the weirdest things at breakfast. Every day, the boss reviews the kids' homework before they go off to school. Usually, the homework's already reviewed by Mona, Louella, or Jonathan--the only three adults with kids that are school-age--but for some reason, Florrie, Kairo, and Arwen like to show the boss their work. It's adorable.
Every day, Virg combs his hair before training, adding a spritz of cologne that's so powerful that we can detect it from ten feet apart. Every day before training, the boss and the other staff play a quick game of freestyle football. Every night, the boss does his walk around the building to check if everything's secure. Usually there's nothing wrong, but for some reason, the boss still likes to check anyway. I think he knows that it makes us feel secure, too.
I can't believe that so many things are going to go away with the boss. The boss keeps telling us that things will be okay after he leaves, but what he keeps forgetting is that he's built a family here. Families are never the same without one of the members.
I told this to Muri, who knows this better than even me. He agreed wholeheartedly, then he told me something I never expected to hear from my brother.
"Don't cry because it's going to be over, irmaozinho . Smile because it happened. Smile, because we've seen and done things that changed our lives for the better. Smile, because we've loved and been loved. Smile, because we've found joy where you least expected it. Smile, because we've found another family."
*
"Virg, I'm done on my side! Do you want some help with your stuff, or should we move on to the cafeteria and—" Alisson dropped his feather duster as soon as he saw Van Dijk, holding a piece of paper and shaking slightly. "Oh, minha estrela , what happened? Don’t tell me you accidentally read my diary again."
Van Dijk looked up at Alisson, his eyes filled with concern and a slight mist. "You were writing to yourself. You were writing all this to yourself."
Alisson's face flushed with embarrassment as he reached out to take the letter from Van Dijk. "Yeah, I was just thinking out loud, I guess. On paper, to myself. Wait, that sounds weird.”
Van Dijk shook his head, clearing his throat. "No, it's okay. I read it up to the part where you were talking with Muriel. Now I understand why you've been feeling so down lately. Thank heavens for Muri, because...I haven't been there for you as much as I should have.”
“Virgil, you don't need to apologize this time. We've played a lot of away games recently, you had to travel. Heck, you went to London and led a bunch of teenagers to glory against Chelsea and the referees." Alisson folded the letter into a small square, dropping it into an open dresser drawer. "That's why I didn't want to talk with you about this right now. You've been really busy recently, out of no fault of your own. The last thing you need is to worry about me."
“Ali, you should really listen to Muriel more. We're family, and family listens to each other no matter how busy they are." Van Dijk picked up his feather duster and rag from the dresser, where they'd been abandoned when he found the letter. "Now, let's finish up here and go get some lunch. And then, since we've got the whole day off, we'll go out and make up for lost time."
Alisson smiled, prying his gaze off the floor. "I do believe I owe you a shopping trip from last November."