Work Text:
Ena opened the fridge with a yawn. She had been drawing all night, and she really needed a good breakfast to get her up and ready for the day.
…okay, more like lunch. It’s 1:36 PM. But, still. Food.
What should she have? If there was milk, she’d probably have some cereal. If there was bread, then some toast sounds nice. If there’s--
“What the fuck.”
Ena stopped in her tracks when she saw a fuckload of eggs. Like not even in their carton. Loose eggs. All piled up. There had to be like at least 20 of them.
Of course, the first thing she did was take a picture and send it to the Nightcord server.
えななん: [sent an image]
えななん: what the fuck
She sat in silence for a minute, waiting for a response, to make sure she wasn’t hallucinating and to ensure that this wasn’t a normal thing and that her fellow group members were just as whatthefucked as she was.
Then, finally:
K: eg
Wow. Thanks, Kanade. Some real insightful words there.
When she looked up, the eggs were still there.
She could touch them. She could see them from all angles. So yeah, that pretty much proves it. She’s not hallucinating.
Is this a fucking Deltarune reference or something? Is Wing Gaster, the royal scientist, about to show up? She doesn’t recall seeing a strange secret tree anywhere.
Where does anyone even get this many eggs? What the hell happened to the carton? She checked every trash can in their house real quick, but there was no carton in sight, nor were there any in the fridge.
Did Akito bring these home?? She started to call for him to ask, but then remembered that he was at school. Loser. But even if he did, why????
Are these eggs fertilized? If she tried hard enough, could she hatch them? Or did the fridge basically already kill them?
Wait, these are store eggs, aren’t they? So they can’t hatch, right?
… what if they’re not store eggs?
What if they’re not even chicken eggs? What if they’re, like, duck eggs or some shit? Peacock eggs? Platypus eggs? Emu eggs? Like, emu as in the bird, not the girl?
Actually, what if Emu lays eggs? …no, no, that’s stupid. Humans can’t lay eggs.
What if humans can actually lay eggs but it’s a super rare ability that only a few--
No, no, no, stop. That’s stupid. These are just normal everyday chicken eggs bought from the local supermarket.
…but why are they loose? And why the hell are there so many of them?? Don’t eggs usually come in packs of 12? And don’t they, like, expire or some shit? How is anyone supposed to use this many eggs??
…Ena vaguely remembered something about a pasta guy and 4082 egg yolks.
Oh god, was Akito trying to be the next pasta guy?? Is that why he needs so many eggs? But then what’s he going to do with the whites? Make meringues or whatever? Is he gonna sell them??
Actually, that’s not a bad idea. She should try that sometime. Clearly, she has all the necessary materials, including but not limited to A FUCKTON OF EGG WHITES.
Wait, no, she doesn’t even have proof that it’s Akito.
…but if it wasn’t Akito, then where did these eggs come from?? There’s no way her parents would buy this many eggs and just leave them loose like that. But where else could they have come from?
She picked one up. Were these eggs magical or whatever? If she throws one at a wall hard enough, is an anime girl gonna come out like in that one magical girl anime about eggs? She was tempted to try it, but at the same time, she didn’t really want to make a mess.
Actually, eggs are sort of weird, aren’t they? How does a chicken make something so hard yet so fragile? And how are they fertilized? Does it happen before the egg gets popped out? How do birds even-- moving past that, why do chickens still make eggs if they’re unfertilized? And if it happens after the egg is out, how does the fertilization work?
She stared at the pile of eggs. How many chickens did that come from? How many eggs can one chicken make? She kinda wanted to search it up, but she had a feeling that she would go down some sort of egg rabbit hole.
Speaking of rabbits, why does the easter bunny give out eggs? Rabbits don’t lay eggs. Mammals don’t lay eggs. Well, platypuses do, but that’s an exception. Where do those eggs come from? And why are they painted? Is there any kind of religious significance to that, or did a rabbit just fuck a chicken on Easter day or whatever and--
The growling of her stomach cut her off.
That’s right. She was hungry. She was here for breakfast-lunch.
…she was originally going to think long and hard about what to eat, but… she just pulled out a couple eggs. Whoever put these here won’t mind if she eats some, right? There’s so many, after all. Nobody’s gonna notice that two eggs are missing.
She poured some oil on a pan, waited for it to heat up, and cracked in the eggs.
…She broke the yolk.
…
“FUCK.”
Five minutes later, she sat down to eat.
Meh. Average eggs. 7/10 nothing special.
Well, that was breakfast. After she does the dishes, it’s time to… finish up that drawing, probably.
Before doing so, she checked Nightcord one more time.
K: eg
Amia: eg
雪: eg
Eg indeed.