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Being a full-time college student is hard. Jisung’s never felt more tired than he does right now. Sure, high school had been hard and tiring, but nothing compares to taking two to three hour long classes back-to-back and having to do hours upon hours of homework right after.
Jisung feels like his head is going to fall off soon. It feels so heavy and it’s hard for him to keep it straight.
Thank God for Mark Lee, who is currently holding him up by his waist and letting Jisung lean into him as much as he needs to. Jisung’s head is pressed against Mark’s shoulder, the younger sighing tiredly into it, just barely able to keep his eyes open. He can’t remember the last time he’s worked himself into a position like this. It’s been a while, that’s for sure.
Jisung can feel himself being moved around like a rag doll. Mark is as careful and gentle as he can be with an over six foot twenty two year old leaning into his side with his full (nearly dead-like) weight. Everything is so fuzzy, disoriented and Jisung just wants to go to sleep already.
“Don’t worry, Jisung-ah, you’ll get to go to sleep soon.” Mark chuckles softly, hoisting Jisung up a bit further.
Ah. Had Jisung said that out loud? Probably. He can’t feel if his mouth is moving or not right now.
Mark laughs as he shakes his head, pulling Jisung up and holding onto his waist tightly. “Hey, give me your keys…”
“Keys…” Jisung mumbles the word dazedly, groping around the front of his pants in search of them. He can’t find them.
“I’ve got ‘em.” Mark is still laughing as he fishes Jisung’s keys out of his front pocket. Jisung hums—at least he thinks he hums.
The door to Jisung’s dorm is unlocked and opened and Mark is hauling Jisung inside with a small grunt, making sure the door shuts behind him, as well. Jisung can’t tell any difference right now. He merely lets himself be dragged through the dorm until Mark is pulling him up onto his bed. Jisung’s back hits the mattress and he immediately melts into it. He groans out of content and rolls himself over onto his side, wrapping his arms around the nearest object—which just so happens to be Mark, once more.
“Jisung-ah, you gotta let go,” Mark laughs softly, smiling down at him. “I need to get back to my dorm now.”
Jisung shakes his head, his face scrunching up as he keeps his arms tight around Mark’s shoulders. He lets his head loll back, managing to open his eyes enough to peer up at Mark and his face entirely. He’s smiling down at Jisung, his nose scrunched up slightly and his eyes sparkling with amusement. He’s cute. He’s pretty.
“You’re pretty,” Jisung mumbles. Mark's eyes go wide, his lips parting just slightly. “You’ve always been pretty, hyung…”
Mark lets out a small laugh, his cheeks starting to heat and turn pink. Jisung likes it when he blushes. Jisung lets his eyes fall shut for several seconds, the urge to fall asleep so strong, but he doesn’t give in yet. He opens them again, staring up at Mark’s blushing face, and manages to smile as best as he can.
“Hyung, you know I really, really like you, right…?” The words are a bit slurred as Jisung says them, exhaustion overtaking him. He yawns after his words immediately, stretching himself out on the bed much like a cat would, before slowly rolling himself over onto his stomach. Jisung falls asleep almost instantly, breathing in deeply before he fades out into slumber, his cheek pressed into his pillow.
Mark’s face only seems to grow redder, watching Jisung as he rolls over and passes out. Jisung… likes him? Surely not. He must have thought Mark was someone else—he was really tired, after all. Maybe he was just saying whatever came to mind and his filter control was just lacking in his exhausted state. Jisung could barely remember his own name on the way back to his dorm, after all.
Mark shakes his head a bit, literally shaking himself out of it, before he starts moving again. He’s careful as he tugs Jisung’s shoes off, setting them down on the floor beside the bed. He tugs off Jisung’s hoodie, thankful that he’s wearing a shirt on under it, before he grabs the blanket and tugs it over Jisung completely. He watches Jisung for several moments, merely gazing. He’s hesitant, unsure if he should really do what his thoughts are telling him to do right now—before he gives in.
Shuffling up a bit closer, Mark leans down and presses a kiss to Jisung’s forehead, smiling against it when he hears Jisung sighing in his sleep. Mark leaves after that, turning the bedroom lights off and leaving a few notes on the fridge before he exits the apartment entirely and heads back to his own.
To say that Jisung feels absolutely mortified would be an understatement. He stares up at his ceiling, his mind working through the memories of last night. He remembers being with his friends. He remembers falling asleep at the study circle table. He remembers waking up with Mark helping him out of his car, and bringing him into the building and his apartment.
He remembers, point blank, confessing straight to Mark’s face that he really, really likes him.
Jisung wants to die.
He’s never experienced something so absolutely devastating before. Not even when he ate shit in front of the entire school during a performance when he was like twelve years old and was trying to come into his already lanky body. Nothing so utterly mortifying as confessing to one of his best friends that he likes him.
At first, Jisung had originally thought it was a dream. Like there had been no way Jisung would’ve been stupid enough to do something like that—only he is and he did and now he’s suffering the consequences of his own exhaustedly stupid actions. Is dying if embarrassment actually real? Because Jisung thinks he’s going to experience that the moment he sees Mark. He is going to spontaneously combust the second he sees him, and written on his tombstone will be: “Here lies Park Jisung, idiot extraordinaire. Rest in stupidity.”
He’s being dramatic. Jisung already knows this. He’s not going to die when he sees Mark again, but he might as well die now, so he doesn’t have to deal with it later on. He stares up at the ceiling of his room, dreading the fact that he needs to get up and go to class and face Mark fully. God, can he just quit college now? He’s barely two years in, he can afford to drop out. Hell, he’ll probably even save more money in his life this way. He already has a part-time job, maybe he can just quit school and go full-time. Yeah, that’s what he’ll do. He can always just teach himself dance on the side.
His phone vibrates loudly on his nightstand. Repeatedly. Someone’s calling him, it seems. He doesn’t want to answer. The vibrating stops as the call automatically ends, due to Jisung not answering, but then it immediately starts to vibrate again. Jisung groans loudly, rolling his eyes as he rolls over in his bed, onto his stomach, while grabbing his phone from the nightstand.
“What?” Jisung answers with a displeased tone.
“Sleeping Beauty woke up on the wrong side of the bed,” Chenle says into his ear. Jisung frowns deeply. “Where are you? You’ve missed breakfast already and Donghyuck-hyung said he didn’t see you up this morning.”
“I’m dropping out,” Jisung moans into his pillow, his voice mostly muffled by it. “Tell my professors for me. Or the dean. Whatever. I’m never coming in again.”
“Why are you being so dramatic?” Chenle sounds annoyed, huffing into the phone. “Get your ass up and to class already. I’ll call Shotaro-hyung and make sure you’re there in 45 minutes.”
Chenle hangs up without another word. Jisung just lets his phone stay resting against the side of his head, keeping his face buried in his pillow. Maybe he can just suffocate himself to death and when Chenle comes to find him, he’ll already be dead and Jisung can flip him off from the afterlife.
Well, if only.
Jisung is avoiding him.
Mark knows that Jisung is avoiding him because he can tell. Jisung once avoided Renjun, in fear of upsetting their mutual friend about losing a gift Renjun had gotten him, and Mark had been there to watch and study Jisung’s entire demeanor. So, safe to say, Mark is able to tell when Jisung is trying to avoid someone. And right now, it seems that Mark is the subject of Jisung’s avoidance.
Admittedly, Mark knows why. He can’t really blame Jisung for being squirrely and awkward about it. Had Mark been in his place that night, he’d be avoiding Jisung right now, too. Still, the fact about it stings a little. Mark likes Jisung—a lot, actually. In the same way that Jisung, apparently, also likes him.
Suffice to say that Mark is currently going through a struggle right now. He misses Jisung a lot. They haven’t hung out together in about two weeks—while they’ve been within the same social circles, Jisung refuses to be around him, ducking away whenever Mark so much as breathes in his direction. It’s annoying and sad and frustrating and Mark is close to losing his marbles over it.
He might be stupid, but he’s not daft. Mark can only be played and messed with for so long before he pops. He’s not mad at Jisung, either. If anything, he feels the opposite. He just wants to have Jisung back in his life—truthfully, he’d greatly prefer for Jisung to be back in his life as his boyfriend, but he’s not going to force Jisung to be that if he doesn’t want to. If Jisung has decided that he no longer likes Mark, or is trying to move on from him, then… well, then, it’s going to hurt, but Mark is a big boy and he can manage. He just wants Jisung to talk to him instead of avoiding him like he’s got the fucking plague.
He’s getting so tired of it. Instead of looking at Jisung with more pleading eyes, Mark’s starting to glare at him. It might be a little more noticeable than he wants it to be.
“Hyung, you’re going to scare him further away,” Donghyuck’s voice is only a little grating in Mark’s ears.
Mark groans, tearing his eyes away from the back of Jisung’s head as he drops his forehead to the desk in front of him. They’re in one of their only two shared classes—Donghyuck and Jaemin share it with them, too—and since Jisung is avoiding him, Mark is stuck sitting alone with Donghyuck. Which wouldn’t usually be terrible, except right now Donghyuck is trying to consult him over Jisung.
“He can feel you glaring at him, you know.” Donghyuck pops a piece of candy into his mouth. Where did it even come from? Jeno probably got it for him or something. Lovebirds. Gross. “He’s just going to think you’re pissed at him.”
“I am,” Mark says, groaning again. “Not really at him, but, you know what I mean. I can’t get him alone! It’s driving me crazy. He won’t even read my fucking texts, ‘Hyuck. What the hell am I supposed to do?”
“Stop being a pussy,” Donghyuck deadpans, and Mark lifts his head up enough to gape at him incredulously. “What? It’s true! Just grab his arm and drag him to the bathroom or a closet and force him to talk to you if he won’t do it willingly.”
“But what if—”
“Deal with it when you get there. I’m getting tired of this. I’ll just go tell Jisung about it myself at this rate.”
“Don’t you fucking dare.”
Donghyuck stares him straight in the eyes, slowly pushing another piece of candy into his mouth. His stare is deadly. Mark shrinks under it.
“Fine. I’ll grab him after class.” Mark acquiesces, turning to stare down at the back of Jisung’s head again.
And Mark is true enough to his word. As soon as class is over, Mark is already standing at the classroom doors. He lets the other students pass, but he keeps his eyes fixated on Jisung, who is still trying to avoid him while exiting the classroom. There’s only one true exit: there’s the emergency exit which is locked (and will only unlock in cases of an actual emergency), and the doors in which Mark is standing in front of. Jisung is trapped in here if he doesn’t exit this way.
Mark watches in exasperation as Jisung actually tries to go over to the emergency exit and push it open. It doesn’t budge, of course, but the guy sure is willing to try. Mark sighs to himself, before he marches over to Jisung at the emergency exit and stares up at him.
“Are you seriously trying to go through the locked emergency exit right now?”
Jisung squeaks loudly, startled as he turns around so quickly he might have given himself whiplash. His eyes are wide, his cheeks and ears red, and he looks terrified. Mark feels more sad than he feels bad about the whole thing.
Jisung swallows slowly, his eyes darting everywhere in the room to avoid looking at Mark. “Um. Well. I’m having an emergency, so… I thought it would open…” His voice trails off, and Mark is so horribly enamored by the idiotic response that he can only sigh again, his entire face now softening despite his feelings.
“You’re an idiot,” Mark mumbles, shaking his head. He grabs Jisung’s arm and starts dragging him away from the exit, not paying attention to Jisung’s sputtering and attempts to get Mark to let go of him.
Mark drags Jisung out of the classroom, through the building hallways, and right off of campus until the two of them are walking side-by-side to Mark’s dorm. Jisung won’t stop fidgeting, but he’s given up on trying to pull away from Mark entirely, at least. The wait for the elevator at Mark’s dorm building is awkward, only because of Jisung. The ride up to Mark’s dorm floor is less so. Finally, when they reach the door to Mark’s dorm, Jisung’s fidgeting gets worse. Mark opens the door, shoves Jisung inside and follows after him, then carefully shuts the door behind him.
“Park Jisung.” Mark says his name, slow and careful. Jisung stiffens in place, eyes wide and shaking. Mark steps close to him. Jisung takes a step back. They keep going like that, until Jisung’s back hits the wall and Mark is standing directly in front of him, their bodies just mere centimeters away from fully touching.
Mark can feel Jisung’s chest rising and falling. He can see Jisung’s eyes shaking, becoming a bit watery. Mark does feel bad that he’s scaring him so much, but they need to talk.
“Jisung-ah.” Jisung’s eyes go wider, if possible, and he swallows hard. He doesn’t verbally respond, only nodding slowly. “Jisung, I’m not mad at you for what happened weeks ago. I swear.” Jisung bites his lower lip, chewing at it, his eyes darting away. Mark nearly sighs, but he keeps it in—for now. “Why don’t you believe that?”
Jisung stays quiet. He chews at his lower lip even more, the action starting to get on Mark’s nerves. He furrows his eyebrows as he watches Jisung’s face, waiting for Jisung to do—anything, really. When he doesn’t do anything, Mark lets out a sort of strangled noise. Jisung’s eyes dart back to him, and Mark decides he’s had enough.
Mark reaches up, grabs the collar of Jisung’s jacket, and yanks him down into a kiss. It’s uncoordinated, a little too rough, and definitely not the most comfortable. Their noses mush together and their teeth definitely clack, making Mark wince slightly into the supposed kiss. He pulls away after a few seconds to reorient himself, his eyes glancing to study Jisung’s face for a brief moment. Jisung’s eyes are wide but no longer scared, his mouth dropped open in surprise, and his cheeks are red.
He looks cute.
Mark is gentler as he tugs Jisung down a second time, tilting his head and angling himself better so their mouths meet in a much neater manner. A softer kiss, one that gets an actual reaction out of the other. Jisung makes a quiet noise, flailing hands slowly coming to rest on Mark’s waist. They’re big and warm and Mark loves the feeling of them. Jisung is timid as he kisses Mark back, like he’s unsure if this is really happening or not. It makes Mark feel a hell of a lot better after these past few weeks.
When Mark pulls back, Jisung stays almost completely still, his eyes squeezed shut. Mark laughs a little in disbelief, shaking his head, and presses a soft kiss to Jisung’s cheek.
“Will that get you to listen to me?”
Jisung’s eyes slowly crack open to peer down at Mark. He nods, slow and still a little unsure, but his eyes are sparkling and he looks more dazed than anything else.
“Jisung-ah, I really, really like you, too.” Mark says, slowly letting go of Jisung’s collar and smoothing his hands down along Jisung’s chest.
Jisung swallows again, his ears going red as he stares Mark down. Then, quietly, he says, “Really?”
Mark nearly rolls his eyes. He doesn’t. Instead, he sighs again and shifts forward, wrapping his arms around Jisung’s waist and hugging him tight. “I wouldn’t have kissed you if I didn’t. C’mon, Jisung.”
It’s slow, but Jisung eventually wraps his arms back around Mark and relaxes. He presses the sides of their faces together, turning his own a bit until he’s nosing along the underside of Mark’s ear and along his jaw. Mark shivers a bit. It’s nice. Jisung is finally relaxed, no longer argumentative and disbelieving of Mark—he’s being really cute now. Mark smiles to himself, squeezing Jisung in his arms.
“Hey,” Mark nudges him a little with his head, waiting for Jisung to lean back enough to look at him. “Wanna go make out in my bed?” Mark grins as he watches Jisung’s face flush, and it fades rather quickly as Jisung immediately leans down and kisses him, already pushing away from the wall and starting to walk them both through the dorm.
(They don’t end up making it to Mark’s bed, landing in the hallway that leads to it, as Jisung kisses Mark dizzy, pressing him up against the wall.)