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"don't forget to lean on me, hyung."
there are days when it doesn't stop raining.
when it doesn't, myungha won't forget. it's a promise.
the view from gonyong ridge is beyond breathtaking. it's soul mending.
myungha feels all his broken parts slowly coming together, glueing each piece with molten love, as strong as ever, flowing and overflowing, a river of pink and red. but it's green everywhere, with a touch of blue from the widespread sky and brown from the earth sticking to his shoes. yet it's worth it: the experience of waking up at the crack of dawn from yeowoon's alarm, a rain of excited kisses on his face, doing a double check on their hiking gear, ensuring everything is in ship-shape, not wanting to miss out on anything for this important day. yeowoon acts like the strict drill sergeant in his division whom myungha doesn't wish to recall, checking out the boxes on the long to-do list, humming in delight once everything is clear and ready to go. but it's a fun escapade, despite the tedious and challenging route, because what myungha sees now is only a chunk of the world's beauty. he wonders what more the universe hides from them.
yet, as myungha gazes to his left, yeowoon shines brilliantly under the mellow 7 am sunrise. soft hues of yellow covering half of his face, a shadow that obscures myungha's vision from witnessing a more ethereal beauty. myungha has seen every shade of yeowoon not to fall and tumble in love with the younger, but every day is a new page that awaits the words and memories of something enthralling—another moment spent with yeowoon. so myungha allows himself to seep into yeowoon's existence, taking in the gentle smile forming on his face, glee gracefully looping his lips as their eyes meet in the middle, adjoining their worlds.
yeowoon bites back a laugh. something must've tickled his funny bone. or other bones there ever are. probably there's a dried booger near his nose or a trail of unwashed drool at the corner of myungha's mouth. it could be just myungha existing—because yeowoon did say he's a bit weird. yeowoon's whole body trembles as he does, breaking eye contact as laughter is now dangerously close to slipping from the crack of his tightly closed lips. and myungha mirrors him, shaking and moving in all directions, suppressing the happiness that never ceases. myungha learns, that in this life, little things are worth appreciating.
his legs are sore all over, and yeowoon teases him, saying his body is still at 29 instead of 19, and myungha wishes he loved yeowoon less to inflict a touch of pain in him. but myungha loves yeowoon too much. so he won't. he smiles, nonetheless. as long as yeowoon is happy—as long as yeowoon is here—a bit of bickering and teasing won't hurt anyone.
"we should try a different course next time, hyung. this is too much for an old man like you to take," yeowoon suggests as he smothers the cooling aromatherapy oil all over myungha's thighs. skilful hands begin massaging. those knots of fatigue untangle themselves with every careful press. but myungha is somewhat embarrassed by the moans and groans he vocalises. yeowoon doesn't stop staring at him, ears red, his mind thinking of something unholy, probably a bit nasty. myungha ignores the younger completely, goggling ahead at the blob of vast greenery. but the world still fades into nothingness amid its elegance—because all myungha sees is cha yeowoon. oh.
"you're having so much fun teasing me these days, yeowoon-ah," myungha replies, involuntarily pursing his lips as he folds his arms, getting defensive. but it's nothing serious. they know.
yeowoon laughs. his deep voice sounds like a ripple of the ocean, cold water gushing into his ears as myungha plunges into the neverending abyss, but he's not drowning. not anymore. it's a pleasant tune that lulls myungha to sleep and chases those nightmares away. and yeowoon's deep voice feels like a warm hug after another tiring day. it cages myungha from floating with the heavy clouds, crossing the timeless universe, breaching the line of dreams and fantasies, and grounding myungha from overthinking and overfeeling. because it's okay to let go—it's alright.
and yeowoon is myungha's forest of secrets. in his embrace, myungha cries himself to sleep and wakes up with a smile on his tear-stained face. in yeowoon's hold, myungha treasures every upcoming moment as another entry in his journal. for all those days with yeowoon, myungha wants to live forever—to witness life in all its light and dark—to have more time with yeowoon. that's all myungha wants.
and his heart wishes to hold yeowoon's hands. so he does. oily fingers meet his sweaty ones, a slippery palm touching his dampness, and it's so easy—to love yeowoon in all of myungha's now and then.
"hyung?"
"thank you, yeowoon-ah. for bringing me here. for wanting to hike with me. i'm glad i could do this with you, although i'm regretting it now. but still. haha. thank you."
yeowoon is so transparent. his eyes are an open window. so myungha peeks and witnesses their happiest memories in every door he enters. yeowoon keeps them all faithfully close to his heart, and myungha promises to guard them safely.
the morning sun can never outshine yeowoon's radiance. the younger beams, saying, "i won't do this with anyone but you. i might make you regret more in the future, so please be patient with me, okay?"
and myungha knows it's the truth. "i know. i'm glad it's me. i'm glad you chose me," myungha pauses, running a thumb across yeowoon's knuckles as he continues, "as long as you are with me, i'll be okay."
the distance between them is now nonexistent. the tension is transient. because as yeowoon enters his safe space, one step turns infinite, and myungha becomes his forever. no red lights. no warning signs. no death penalty. warmth. so much warmth.
"thank you, hyung. for letting me choose you. over and over again."
yeowoon leans in to kiss a promise on myungha's forehead. tenderness floods into his skin and bones. gnaws in his chest. growls in his stomach. and myungha closes his eyes, letting this fervour brand his soul, for yeowoon's love is a tattoo of a lifetime everywhere myungha is, for this shall be another reason to wake up tomorrow.
"will you choose me always, yeowoon-ah?"
there's that smile again. myungha feels his insides burn. the morning sun now resides in yeowoon—in those eyes—on his hands—everywhere.
"nothing will ever change my mind. it'll always be you."
so this time, myungha pulls yeowoon into a hug. he pushes away as their legs tangle one another, becoming one, as promised. myungha rests against yeowoon's shoulder, finally settling at his eternal home. myungha whispers against the languid breeze, bringing them far away from possible heartbreaks, not anymore, "i love you, cha yeowoon," loud and proud—because he really does.
"don't forget to lean on me, hyung."
myungha won't. as long as yeowoon remains as his one and only, the tree to his forest, always ready to comfort him, myungha won't.