Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Great. Epic. I must have decided to take up drinking last night because I definitely did not wake up in my bed. The drinking would definitely explain why I can’t remember a single thing about last night, after all. Problem is, I don’t have a pounding headache nor do I feel lethargic.

And also, I don’t just have no memory of last night, but I don’t have any memories of, well, whatever life I had. Job, family, education, nothing.

Shit. I’d rather have been hungover…

I observe my surroundings. I appear to be in a grassy flat area surrounded by trees. The sky above is cloudless and the sun is at a high angle, telling me that it is around midday. It’s a location that feels extremely unfamiliar to me.

Strangely, something tells me I’m nowhere near home.

The area I’m in makes for little worth. No food, no shelter, no society in sight. I make a few reasonable assumptions - one, I’m lost. Two, I’ll need to gather info. Three, don’t eat the berries, should I find any. I figure that if I can get to some elevated terrain, I’ll be able to gauge by next course of action. For a moment, I consider climbing a tree, only to remember I’m woefully unfit.

Huh, can’t remember my life, still retain my self-deprecation. Wonder what else I’ve retained? Modern superhero movies are terrible, politics is cancerous and we’re going towards eventual fascism, we’re slowly driving towards our extinction…guess I’ve retained my personality.

I pick a random direction and penetrate the forest. Ignoring the occasional insect noise, I make my way towards an unknown destination, figuring that with any luck, I’ll bump into elevation or civilisation soon. Using the shadows of the trees, I keep myself from accidentally walking in circles.

My luck pays off.

I end up coming across some elevation after an hour. It’s only a small hill, but pokes up enough to surpass the treetops. I make my way up the hill and stand at the very peak, then scan the horizon for any notable locations. Most of the area is forested, but as I stare in one direction, I notice some activity in an area of lower tree density far off in the distance. Birds, perhaps, or some other flying animal. Whatever it was, it seemed to emerge from the treetops.

That told me there was some kind of activity down there. I weighed up the possibilities. Life, confirmed. Threat? Possible. The relative lack of trees in that area coinciding with life seemed to imply a decreased threat. Possibly loggers cutting down trees, though I could not hear noise. I was also certain I had not just come from that area.

Best course of action: check that shit out lmao

I descended the hill and made my way towards the disturbance. A quick check of the sun indicated I still had plenty of daylight left. Should the area I am approaching be of no use, I planned to keep moving in that direction until a new breakthrough could be made. If by nightfall I had nothing, I’d need to make arrangements for sleep.

As I considered the possibility of perhaps looking for downward sloping terrain to find a water source, I heard noises from up ahead. Not animal noises, either. It sounded like girls talking. There were other noises too that I couldn’t identify. Whatever it was, it was a start. Other people to talk with, get a general idea of my location, and ask for directions.

I could see a clearing up ahead of me, and for the second time, a sign of activity. From a distance, I could make out at least two people, both apparently young girls. Strangely, I could heard talking, but it seemed to be elevated…

And then a shitload of sharp…shit came from above.

Thankfully, none of it got near me, staying within the clearing. The sharp things embedded in the ground, sending the two girls ducking for cover. As shouting and other unknown noises continued from above, I crept behind a tree and observed the sight in front of me.

Nah, I’m not drunk. I’m on meth.

There were two other girls.

Floating.

And the one in blue was shooting fucking ICICLES at the other one.

Chapter Text

Okay, recap. I woke up in a forest, couldn’t remember shit, went for a walk, then found four girls in a clearing while two of them are flying and one of them was manifesting goddamn ice weapons out of nothing. Sounds like a pitch for a really bad B-movie.

Back to the matter at hand. The icicle-shooting menace was a cyan-haired girl with a blue dress and accessories, and it looked like she had ice wings on her back. The other girl…at least, I thought it’s a girl, was dodging the icicles. This one was green-haired and wore a cape with baggy shorts. I squinted a little bit.

Are those antennae? The hell is…you know what? You’re watching two flying girls fight each other. Set your damn standards for what’s normal way, way lower.

The antennae’d one responded to the blue one’s attack with one of her own. It seemed that this fighter could summon insects and use them as weapons, which explained the antennae. This one must control the bugs, while the blue one could control ice.

I’d forgotten about the other two girls who were spectating the battle. One girl was a blonde in a black dress who wore a small hair accessory, while the other looked similar to the blue one, but with green hair and more realistic wings.

Definitely not in Kansas. Maybe this is the “Ohio” kids talk about.

Above, the battle suddenly came to an end. The blue one’s ice powers had proven far too superior to the bug powers. The insect girl fell to the ground with a thud. For a second, I winced, but then remembered that they were clearly not human given their flying abilities, among other things. The two girls on the ground rushed to their fallen comrade while the blue one laughed in triumph.

It was a fight between ice and insects. Honestly, how was this even a fair fight?

Maybe there’s more to it than just presentations. Could be stronger insects, or weak ice powers. How ab-

Then I heard hollering.

Oh.

It seemed that in the midst of me admiring the crazy sky battle, I had forgotten the entire concept of staying hidden and completely left my hiding spot. And now that blue girl was addressing me.

Oh well, good run. Death by ice it is. Once it melts, there’s no murder weapon. The perfect crime.

The other three girls were approaching me as well. Thankfully, it seemed that none of them were intending to fight me, but approached more out of curiosity, or more because the blue one seemed to be trying to look tough.

I wordlessly stared at the blue one. She seemed arrogant. Boastful. Way too confident. And I didn’t even need to understand her language to know that. Oh, right, language. This girl was speaking Japanese. I didn’t know Japanese outside of things like “kudasai” or “itadakimasu”.

Fantastic. You’re in a foreign land where girls float and fight with ice and bugs, and they speak Japanese.

The blue one, who I decided to call Icicles, got nudged away but the blonde one, or Blondie. She also spoke the same Japanese that meant nothing to me. The winged one, who I’ve called Fairy, and the bug one, who I’ve called Antenna (oh, also, definitely a girl), also talked. Unsurprisingly, both spoke Japanese.

Perhaps there was a way to beat the language barrier. Maybe the names could be temporary. I decided to put a hand on my chest.

”Anon. A-non,” I said. “I am Anon.”

What was my name again? Thanks, brain.

The girls stared for a moment before Fairy called them together. I watched them as they talked between each other. Hopefully, they were getting the idea.

The circle broke apart. Icicles stepped forward and proudly put her hands on her hips.

”Cirno!”

Sounded like a name to me.

I pointed to “Cirno” and repeated the word. Then, I pointed to myself. “Anon.”

The girl pointed at me. “Anon.”

Hell yes. Language barrier breached.

Cirno nudged Blondie in front of her. She pointed at me then at herself. “Anon. Rumia.”

Rumia it is.

Then it was Fairy’s turn. “Anon. Daiyousei.”

Die, you say? Not planning on it for another 60 years.

Finally, Antenna stepped forward and gave me her name. “Anon. Wriggle. Wriggle Nightbug.”

Sorry…Wriggle Nightbug? Your parents must have hated you.

At least the “Nightbug” part strengthened my belief that we were exchanging names.

So, I’d made a little progress with these strangers. We’d exchanged names, at the very least. The next thing I would have to do is somehow communicate my intention to find society. These girls must have come from somewhere, so perhaps I’d have to follow them…as suspicious as that sounds.

Then, I got it. There was a language all cultures understood: drawing shit.

Luckily, the ground wasn’t entirely grass. There was a little patch of dry dirt nearby that I could use as an easel to try and explain my intentions. I gestured for the girls to follow me. As they surrounded me again, I knelt down and started drawing some trees. I tapped the drawing, then I swept my arm around.

”Here. Anon here. Cirno, Rumia, Dai-something, Wriggle Nightbug here.”

Yeah, I forgot the fairy’s name.

”D-Daiyousei!”

Right, “die you say”, of course.

Whatever.

Then, I drew a little stick figure, tapped it, then tapped myself. “Anon,” I said. I draw four more stick figures representing the girls, each one with its own identifying feature: ice wings, side ribbon, fairy wings, antenna. The girls seemed to get the idea and started a little conversation amongst themselves.

Captain’s Log: Stardate whatever. I have successfully communicated with the locals despite the fact that we are meant to observe, not interfere.

I drew myself again, then an arrow, and then a bunch of houses. The translation I was hoping to get across was “get me to society pls”, and it looked like I had done it well.

Cirno spoke to me in Japanese, until Dai…yousei stopped her (probably reminding her I don’t understand her). She then settled for pointing at me and gesturing to follow her. I raise my thumb in approval and get ready to follow…

…only to watch them take off into the sky.

ohmyfuckinggod

I quickly tried to flag the girls down before they disappeared over the treetops, which thankfully worked. As they hover above me, I do my best “explain how I can’t fly” translation: jump up and down, flap my arms, shrug.

Again, the translation works.

I would OWN at charades.

So, after some back and forth, I was on my way to society with the four girls.

The walk was boring, so I chose to make do by gauging what these girls were like. They conversed among themselves, talking about who knows what. There was some arguments in between.

Cirno, I’d already figured out was kind of arrogant. She seemed like the leader of the group, how she did that with the arrogance part I didn’t know, but somehow the others followed her lead. Daiyousei felt like a Cirno follower, or at least her friend. She was a timid girl and seemed to object to some things Cirno said.

Rumia’s kind of…there. I was not entirely sure if she had any sort of powers, though I swore for a second that she was doing something to alter light in her hands. Wriggle Nightbug (I will not ignore how dumb that name is) objected to a LOT of Cirno’s discussions and seemed very argumentative. All in all, they came off as a gang of misfits.

The four at least made for good company, even if I couldn’t understand a single word out of their mouths. Better than being bored out of my skull and/or dying of thirst in the forest.

All of a sudden, while I was zoned out, Cirno tugged at my shirt, pointed forward, and exclaimed something. It sounded like we’d made it to society. As I snapped back to reality, I looked forward and saw…

…some temple.

Boo-womp.

Chapter Text

I’ll be perfectly honest. As I stared at the temple, I figure that it’s not as bad as I thought. It’s not society, but a temple was at least evidence of one. Plus, the benefits of a temple were numerous - for one, there may be someone inside who can assist me. Two, it will provide some shelter. Three, it’s a safe haven for now until the time comes to make another move.

I pointed to the temple. “Home? Temple?” I asked. How could I communicate “what is this place?” to then?

Daiyousei steps in front of me. She places her hands together in prayer and lowers to her knees. Ohhh, a place of worship, gotcha. Well, a place of worship is bound to have someone inside during the day, be it a priest, nun, or worshipper.

”Hakurei,” Rumia says. “Reimu Hakurei.”

Two mentions of Hakurei struck me as important. A name for the temple? The owner of the temple?

Rumia stands behind Cirno and tugs the bow at the back of her hair. “Reimu,” she says.

I’m not sure what that means.

Wriggle picks up a stick from off the ground and starts swinging it around. “Reimu,” she says. Daiyousei gets my attention again and shows her praying stance again. And like the others, she says “Reimu.”

It clicks. They’re trying to describe this Reimu. Wears a bow, wields some kind of weapon, prays at the temple. She may even own the place.

I point at the temple again and make a little walking gesture with my fingers. “Go?” I ask.

They don’t get it.

So, I walk forwards towards the temple. The girls follow me soon after. I quickly get onto the stone path leading out of the temple, then walk along the path and under the Japanese gate thing that I know many of these temples have (I know they have a name, but I’m blanking on it). The path is lined with cherry blossom trees.

Once I pass the gate, the trees end. On the sides of the path, there are some maintained gardens with all sorts of flowers. The temple itself has an open entrance with a raised wooden floor to sit on outside. Next to the entrance is some kind of wooden box with a sign above it.

I may be a dickhead, but I recognized that customs were most likely in place here, so I removed my shoes before climbing onto the wooden floor. The girls behind me float in and do the same. I enter the temple and look around for anyone, but to my disappointment, the place is empty. Inside there appeared to be a pillow, a blanket, and that kind of low table that people can sleep under.

Progress report: Have located temple with the help of locals. Unfortunately empty. Best course of action is to chill tf out here until an adult comes in.

I figure that the best way to knock off some time would be to sleep. I go back outside and lay down on the wooden floor, allowing the sun to keep me warm. There’s a nice breeze blowing by, rustling the cherry blossoms enough to act as white noise.

The girls come over to me. Cirno pokes my shoulder. I open my eyes.

”Anon?” she asks.

”Hm?”

She gives me some gestures. Points at the other girls and herself. Pats the wooden floor. Points to the grass outside. Mimics some kind of activity.

My best guess is “Anon, do you mind if we sit here or play?”

I raise a thumb.

I settle down as the girls move around. Daiyousei and Cirno have gone off to play while the other two sit on the floor and talk. In the meantime, I rest my eyes.

I have no idea how much time passed, but I woke up to the sound of talking. It sounded like Cirno and Daiyousei were speaking, while Wriggle and Rumia were interjecting with some additional thoughts. A fifth voice, calm and collected, spoke up.

Honestly, I didn’t care. This temple was comfortable and I preferred to get more shut eye in…

…wait, a fifth voice?

Oh shit.

I rubbed my eyes and sat up lethargically. As my vision cleared, I saw the four girls surrounding a taller girl. This girl wore predominantly red and white clothes, with separated long white sleeves and…a large red bow in her hair.

Reimu. This was the Reimu girl.

Rumia noticed me waking up from my nap and pointed at me. She brought my presence to Reimu’s attention. The girl glanced over at me briefly and then started speaking to the girl again. She seemed to be asking Rumia a question that the little one strongly denied.

Do I even want to know?

Then, Reimu broke away from the group and approached me. She kneeled down in front of me, then asked me a question in Japanese. No idea what she said, but I think the first word was “nihongo” or something.

”Uhhhhhh, I don’t speak Japanese,” I said bluntly.

It seemed like Reimu understood as she nodded and went back to the girls. She spoke to them briefly and then ushered them away from the temple, as if to say “thanks for bringing him here, now gtfo.”

Awwww, my company. I liked them.

I watched the girls fly off into the sky as Reimu came back to the temple. She gestured for me to come inside. Shrugging, I followed the girl inside.

She pointed to the table and patted the top. Getting the idea, I sat down in front of it and watched her go into another room. I calmly drummed on the table to pass the time. Soon, Reimu returned with a sheet of paper and what looked like a bottle of ink and a pen.

Reimu sat down and began to draw something on the paper. I quickly see a basic drawing on her, then a drawing of me. Then, she draws a third person, one with a large witch’s hat and a broomstick. She scribbles some lines above the witch girl as if her character is saying something, then the same for me. Then, she wrote some Japanese down above her character and the witch. She pushed the paper in front of me and tapped it with her pen.

I read the paper and quickly made the connection. Reimu spoke Japanese. The lines above me are supposed to signify my language, and this witch girl could speak both. She is acting as a translator.

So, she knows a girl who can break the language barrier for real. Sick. I’ll finally get answers.

I raised my thumb, which seemed to be understood by Reimu. She pointed down at the table before getting up and going to another room. She returned with what looked like a basic meal: rice balls, a cup of water, and some kind of sauce. It occurred to me that I hadn’t eaten or drank anything since arriving, so I gratefully accepted the food.

As soon as I start to eat, Reimu left the temple and immediately began to fly away. Initially I wanted to protest, but considering the conversation we’d just had, I assumed she was going to get her witch friend.

For the next twenty minutes, I ate my food and then sat in peace, counting the minutes. The sun was beginning to dip down by now. I noticed that the sunset was perfectly aligned with the cherry blossom lined path leading up to the temple. It made me question whether this was intentional, because damn, it looked good.

I did have other questions to consider. Why was I here? Where is this place? How the fuck is flight a thing? And perhaps, most importantly, who was I? Did I have a life before waking up in this place? If so, could I go back? Would I want to? Can I stay here?

The allure of living in a society with girls who can fly and have some kind of crazy battle as recreation sounded nice…

I was interrupted by a sudden noise. I looked to the entrance of the temple and saw that Reimu had returned. To her right was a girl dressed in black and white clothes, with a white apron tied around her waist and a large witch’s hat.

Well, hello, translator. You have the most normal looking outfit I’ve seen here so far, and that’s saying something…actually, Rumia might’ve been a…oh, forget it. Translator. Good for me.

The two girls were conversing briefly before the witch stepped forward and extended a hand. I reached out and shook it.

”English?” she asked.

Chapter Text

I shook the witch’s hand. “Yeah, I speak English,” I said. “You’re gonna translate, I presume?”

The witch grinned. “Yup. Benefits of being multilingual. Gotta be able to read Western books,” she explained. “Anyway, name’s Marisa. And you are?”

”Honestly, I don’t remember a thing,” I replied. “I’m just going by Anon.”

Marisa quickly spoke to Reimu, mentioning my name before turning back to me. “By the way, that’s Reimu. She owns the shrine here, keeps the place spiffy, keeps the youkai in line. You wouldn’t happen to have any money on ya, ze? Girl needs donations to get by.”

I’m tempted to get out my wallet, but I change my mind. “I don’t think my money’s good here. Gonna assume a Japanese society has Japanese money, right?” I asked.

”Bingo,” Marisa replied. “But I’ll give you a quick rundown, ze. The outside world’s Japan, but this place is hidden away from it. Nobody can find it on your maps because it’s surrounded by what we call the Hakurei barrier. You’re in what we call Gensokyo. Outsiders like you occasionally get spirited here or gapped, seems like you’re one of the rare cases who isn’t Japanese.”

Gapped?

I rub my chin. “Lotta questions I could ask here,” I said. “First off, what’s the deal with that flying and fighting shit? I saw these four girls a while ago and two of them were fighting with ice and bugs.”

Marisa laughed for a moment. “Ah, you ran into Cirno and her idiot squad, didn’t you?” she guessed.

Well, that’s mean. They were nice girls.

”Idiots or not, they seemed to understand my problem and took me here,” I defended. “I’d say they’re intelligent enough.”

”Trust me, Anon, they’re as smart as rocks,” Marisa said. “Anyway, those battles? Used to be a problem, but they’re under control. Reimu here set up a system to stop shit from hitting the fan. Think of it as sparring.”

Okay, I find that waaaaaay hard to believe.

”…alright then.”

Reimu suddenly spoke up, asking something to Marisa.

”Reimu’s askin’ if you have any knowledge from the outside world,” Marisa translated.

”A wealth of it,” I confirmed. “Two questions, what and why?”

Marisa translated, Reimu talked, Marisa translated back. “Outsiders with outside knowledge can be pretty valuable. Helps us keep track of what’s been going on outside and if we should be worried or not. Speaking of what, anything within your lifetime is pretty good, she says.”

“I could write an entire book on what I know,” I explained. “Couple new wars, technological advancements, people of interest. Japan’s still going strong. Still got that work ethic and efficiency. Heard the prime minister was shot dead by some lunatic a few years ago.”

Marisa looked down and started murmuring. “That kappa was saying something like that…” she said to herself. What the hell is a kappa? “Anyway, hold on a second.” She started talking to Reimu again. For a moment, I swore that Reimu mentioned Shinzo Abe’s name…

“Oi, did I hear a name? Shinzo Abe?” I interrupted.

Marisa grinned. “Heard that, huh? Yeah, we might be hidden from the rest of the world, but that doesn’t mean we can’t leave,” she explains. “Couple of us have the power to leave and check out the Outside World. Sometimes we get some of that tech stuff you mentioned. There’s a group called the kappa who dabble with that kinda stuff.”

Huh, does that mean I can shitpost on my phone? Wait, phone…holy shit.

”Hold that thought,” I said, grabbing the phone out of my pocket. I opened it up, hoping to find anything on it that could give me a clue on my identity, but to my shock, I had no photos, no Internet history, and no contacts on it. Also, no bars. “God damn it,” I muttered.

Reimu started talking again, asking Marisa something while pointing at my phone.

”I assume she wants to know what this is?” I asked. Marisa responded with a knowing grin. “You know what a telephone is? Maybe those kappa people have one?”

”There’s telephones, but I’ve only seen them in the mansion,” Marisa replied.

”Mansion?”

”Right, newbie. Forgot. There’s a mansion across that lake headed by a vampire. They had some telephones installed there recently for the maids to use. I’m guessing the kappa were the ones who put them there. Anyway, is that thing a telephone?”

”More than just a telephone,” I said. “Society made the phones more compact, more useful, and best of all, completely wireless. You can put notes in it, store data like telephone numbers and books, take pictures, read news on it…”

Marisa glowed, then translated my response. Reimu asked another question.

”She wants to know why you started using it.”

”Well, I don’t know who I am, but most people with a phone like this usually has their info on it, like a photograph, or a profile. I checked it, and there’s nothing. It’s like the memory was wiped. Kind of a pain.”

“What’s that mean? Memory wiped?”

”Imagine a book, but you open it and find the words inside are gone and you can’t get them back.”

The witch girl bit her lip. “Yikes. Sounds like something Patchy might try…anyway, give me a second to talk to Reimu.”

Marisa and Reimu talked for a few minutes. I sat tight, twiddling my thumbs and observing more of the shrine. You know, despite the implied financial status of Reimu, the shrine’s not bad. Then again, flight, fights, probably a shitload of magic…why does she need donations? Is being a shrine operator that crappy on the wallet?

”Sooo, Anon,” Marisa started. I quickly diverted my attention back to her. “I suppose you gotta make a choice.”

I raise an eyebrow. “Well, what choice is that?” I asked.

”Whether you want to stay in Gensokyo.”

Aaaaand there it is.

”I have the choice to leave, correct?” I assumed.

”Yeah, Reimu can easily get you back to the Outside World, but there’s a catch,” Marisa began to explain. “You’ll end up at the corresponding shrine in the Outside World, which, of course, is in Japan. Problem is, you’re definitely not from there.”

”Assuming the non-Japanese accent gave it away?.”

”Right. And more importantly, you have no memories. Not ideal for you, ze?”

”Two for two.”

”Kinda terrifying, right? Back in your world, no memories, no certainty of getting them back. And what if your life sucked before coming here?”

She’s making a really damn good case for not going back.

Marisa kept talking. “Look, I feel like I’m influencing you waaaay too much, but that’s just my two yen. Still your decision. Reimu’ll honor whatever you choose.”

I hold up my hand.

”Marisa, you’ve made a very compelling argument. You’re right. I don’t know who I am, except maybe a dickhead,” I began to explain. “And I don’t want to know who I was. I could’ve had a family, or I could’ve had a dead end office job, or I could’ve been a career criminal. I could’ve been anything. But now? I could be something. A clean slate. Learn a new world. I don’t want to take the gamble on going back and, one day, learning that I fucked up in life. And if I didn’t, I feel that by having no memories, I would avoid the burden of leaving things behind. So, Marisa, my choice is made. I’ll stay.”

When the hell did I became a god damn philosopher all of a sudden? In fact, does my own logic even check out? Is it worth the gamble to go back? But then again, is it worth the gamble not to? Kif, we have a conundrum.

Marisa talked to Reimu, then they both faced me.

”Well, good news for you. There’s a human village down south we’ll be able to take you to,” Marisa said. “We can get you settled quickly, start ya off with some housing, maybe some work. Happens to most of the humans who end up here and choose to stay. First thing’s first though, we gotta get you speaking the language. Only me and a few others here can speak English. You’re in luck, however. I know a friend who can help rewire your brain a bit.”

I know kung fu, am I right?

”Sounds like a sweet gig,” I agreed. Marisa and Reimu stood up. I followed them out of the shrine. Reimu started hovering in the air, while Marisa grabbed her broom from off the wooden floor and straddled it.

”Hop on and hold me tightly, Anon,” Marisa ordered. “We’re gonna go visit the mansion.”

Chapter Text

Holy shit I am so fucking high right now and not in the way I should be.

Marisa and Reimu flew through the air like it was second nature, while I, a man firmly rooted to the ground by gravity my whole life, sat on Marisa’s broomstick and held onto her tightly. To say that I’m kind of shitting myself is an understatement.

I try my damnedest not to stare straight down as I preferred not to look at potential spots a splattered corpse could lie. Instead, I focus on what’s up ahead. As I looked over Marisa’s shoulder, I could see a formal looking building getting closer by the second. This must have been the mansion that Marisa mentioned to me. And for some reason it had a massive bloody clock on the front.

We were flying over a lake at this point, and I chanced a look down. I didn’t see too much, except for what looked like Cirno making some kind of ice structure with her hands. I had no idea where the others had gone.

Soon, we’d passed over the lake and were closing in on the front gate. Wait, why is there a gate for a mansion when people can just fly in? Marisa and Reimu started to descend to the ground, and I nearly shit myself again feeling a hint of weightlessness take over. Instinctively, I held onto Marisa tighter as the descent continued.

Thankfully, we were on the ground and at a standstill very quickly. I disembarked the broom, ignoring the weakness in my legs.

”First time flying?” Marisa snarked.

I shrugged. “Unless I flew on a plane before, yes.”

”Flew on a what now?”

Right, different rea-

My inner monologue was interrupted by a confrontational voice. I whipped my head around to see a redheaded woman dressed in green and white clothes. And from what I gathered as she ranted, it seemed she had some beef with Marisa.

“Never mind, gotta calm her down,” Marisa shrugged. She stepped forward to the green lady and started speaking to her in her native language. Reimu crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. I kind of just stood there, looking like I had no lights on in my head.

Gee, even though I can’t understand one word they’re saying, I could tell the green lady’s had a history with Marisa.

Then, the green lady got into a fighting stance. Oh goodie, Neo in the house. Marisa chuckled and grabbed…a wooden box from somewhere within her apron. Shit, am I gonna see another one of those fights?

Sadly not. Reimu finally intervened and talked both of them down. Then, she had a talk with the green lady. By the next minute, any animosity between her and Marisa was gone.

The lady opened the gate and waved the three of us inside. As we walked through, I nudged Marisa’s shoulder.

”What was that all about?” I asked.

Marisa waved a hand dismissively. “Psh, just China trying to deny me access.” China? That explains the outfit I guess. “All I wanna do is borrow some books from here but she gets up in my business about it. I always win the battles and get what I came here for.”

Yeaaaah, you’re not telling me everything, aren’t you?

”This extends beyond borrowing books, doesn’t it?” I guessed.

”From a certain someone’s point of view.”

Knew it.

”You can tell your new pal Anon, Marisa,” I teased jokingly. “Didja do an oopsie daisies here one time?”

”Funny man, aren’t you, ze?”

”I do pride myself on my comedic endeTHEFUCK?”

My sarcastic pride came to a crashing halt the very moment a maid materialized out of thin fucking air directly in front of us.

Maid jumpscare, much!?

”Jumpy, too.”

You win this round, translator.

The maid lady wore a blue and white maid uniform, with a white apron and various green ribbons. She bowed slightly and spoke to Reimu formally, making little eye contact with either me or Marisa. She then walked ahead of us, and we followed her.

As I do, I take note of the mansion’s insides. It’s quite a sophisticated place. The halls are spacious with various paintings, vases and decorations. The flooring is polished to a mirror shine. Notably, I see various smaller maids around the halls, doing menial tasks like dusting and mopping. It made me think that the maid we were being led by was a senior maid, or one who got promoted up through the ranks.

I noticed also that some of the paintings  presented a portrait of a young looking lady with vampire wings and some kind of shower cap. Then, I remember what Marisa had said earlier about the mansion, that a vampire owned it. Was that the vampire? A small girl? Owning a whole ass mansion?

Man, how many times do I need to remind myself I’m in some fantasy realm? Shit’s different yo.

…

How big is this mansion?!

It’d felt like we’d been walking for ages. This mansion did NOT look too big from the outside.

We eventually came to a set of gigantic and intricately carved doors. The maid casually pushed them open like they were made of styrofoam, revealing to me perhaps the most enormous goddamn library I had ever seen.

And I meant ENORMOUS.

The shelves went up literal stories into the sky. The rows of shelves themselves stretched what seemed like beyond the horizon itself (and confirming my suspicions that there was some Doctor Who fuckery going on inside). I could see that each shelf had a set of Japanese symbols stamped into them.

The maid continued taking us through the library. I glanced around at the spines of the books. Most were in Japanese, but to my surprise, I could see some titles that were Romanized. Entire sections of shelves seemed to have their own languages. A shelf for Italian books. A shelf for German books. Then, I saw a shelf for English books…all about minerals.

This row was literally devoted to minerals, and entire shelves were there for different languages of the books. The fact an entire shelf could be spared for minerals, written in English, in a Japanese library…even I had to admit that shit was kickass. This was a gold mine of pure information.

”Yo, nerd. Stop drooling over the books. Patchy’s here.”

And then Marisa snapped me back to reality.

Whoops, there goes the gravity of how epic this place is.

I returned my attention to the women. There were now five of them. Besides Reimu, Marisa, and the maid, two new ladies were conversing with Reimu.

One of them was a red-headed woman with bat wings sprouting from her back…and two smaller bat wings sprouting out of her head. She seemed to be more professionally dressed than the other woman, who was pretty much just a mess of lavender. Lavender hair, lavender striped robes, long loose sleeves, and a lot of ribbons.

”Okay, which one’s Patches again?” I whispered to Marisa.

Marisa pointed her out to me, and to my surprise, it wasn’t the girl with the wings.

”And the other one?”

”Koakuma. Assistant. Straight outta Makai.”

”Makai?”

”Demon realm.”

Huh.

”I see, Hell’s real and it puts books away.”

Marisa grinned smugly. “Oh, Hell? Nah, different realm from Makai.”

Must…not…quote…Phantom Menace…

”Huh? Oh, sorry. Gotta translate,” Marisa said. Apparently, Reimu and Patchworks were conversing with her. I stand aside and absent-mindedly looked around the library. I briefly glance at Koakuma and notice that the assistant seemed to sneak a look at me. Walt, you’ve been seeming sus lately…

“Good news, Anon. Patchy’s agreed to help ya,” Marisa informed me. “Just need you to give consent to whatever she’s got planned for you, ze.”

I shrugged. “As long as it isn’t surgery,” I said.

Marisa translated for Patch Adams, who casually spoke to Marisa (with a slight hint of annoyance, though whether that be directed at my snarky ass or her snarky ass is unknown to me).

”You’re in luck. Patchy’s got a spell ready to fill your head up with Japanese,” Marisa said, patting my shoulder eagerly. “Two minutes tops.”

I smirked. “Then let’s break down that language barrier once and for all.”