Chapter Text
DS-2 Death Star II Mobile Battle Station
The plan was simple. His son would ensure that Vader could execute his long-planned retirement at the side of his future husband. Luke gave himself up as the Emperor had foreseen. It was time to act. The moment of surprise had to be used on every party involved in their upcoming showdown. The Emperor and his son must click together without ending Vader´s life. Preferably all of them would survive. The rule of two spoke clearly. There could be only two Siths, the master and the apprentice. That could pose a certain problem. He stepped with his son into the elevator to the throne room. The time had come. Anakin Skywalker was dead, soon Lord Vader would be dead too only to be reborn as a man with a new purpose in his life.
“You are right, son,” Vader said.
“That you are still Anakin Skywalker. My father?” Luke said slowly knowing too well where they were heading.
“In a way yes and no. The thing is that I am ready to give up on the Sith ways to protect you and give you the chance to change your destiny,” Vader hoped he did not sound too dramatic.
“The Jedi in you are still alive! Together we can end this! We will bring peace and justice to the galaxy! We will stop Palpatine for good!” Luke whispered with hope in his voice. His father was not dead.
“No, yes, yes and no,” Vader sighed and looked at the absolutely confused face of his son.
“I …,” Luke stammered.
“Palpatine lost his way and must be set back on the track. You will facilitate it. You will allow me to live my life in a way I always desired. Your mother was difficult and when I approached her with the idea of how I want to spend our married life together. She rebuked it. It was war and things were complicated. I want my dream to come true. I will destroy anybody who would stay between me and my domestic bliss in my retirement plans,” Vader raised his fist to give his speech some dramatic charge like it was needed. The confusion and utter disbelievement which oozed from Luke was expected. It could complicate things but not as much as his master´s reaction, which can end everything if not handled properly.
“Is mother alive?” Luke pulled himself together really fast, which served to his credit in Vader's eyes.
“ We had slight differences in practically everything in our marriage, politics and approach towards Obi-Wan Kenobi. It did not end well. For the Force's sake when she started to take an interest in me I was…” Vader stopped suddenly. It was a story for another time. His son would eventually learn more about his mother in the future, but for now, it was irrelevant.
“I want to know more about her, when time allows,” Luke thought his biggest battle would be to return his father to the light and together put an end to the evilness grasping the galaxy with an iron fist, not discussing his mother.
“When time allows of course, “ Vader sighed. It would be hard to break the news about the children from a previous marriage to his temperamental boyfriend who hated a lot of things but Jedi were on the top of his list.
“I want us to be together. The light is strong in you. You will cast the shackles of the dark side,” Luke´s voice was full of hope and when his father mentioned his mother it was a clear sign he wanted to become Anakin Skywalker again.
“NO,” Vader said perhaps louder than he wanted. The elevator stopped and the door opened saving Vader from the discussion, which was getting into places he did not want to go.
“Welcome, young Skywalker. I have been expecting you,” the voice of the Emperor was what Vader needed to shake the unwanted thoughts from his brief discussion with his son. Luke stood proudly by his side looking defiantly at the Emperor, who with a flick of his fingers made his son´s binders fall away, clattering to the floor. “You no longer need those.” The order for guards to leave them followed. Now it was three of them.
“I'm looking forward to completing your training. In time you will call me Master” the Emperor said exactly what Vader thought he would. His master was a cunning mastermind but years and in a way cushioned life took a toll on the man. It needed to change.
“You're gravely mistaken. You won't convert me as you did my father,” Luke said with a firm voice believing in every word. Vader wanted to add something, so when his master approached them he handed him Luke´s lightsaber while listening to the exchange about making a Jedi weapon, training and not succumbing to the dark side. It needed to stop before his master got some reaction from Luke, which could lead his son into the wrong path.
“Yes he is not a Jedi yet and there is still a chance he would go in the Sith way. The rule of two speaks clearly. There are three of us. I may be the slower one of the two Sith lords gathered here, but I figured out that one of us has to die here. I want my son to live. He is a talented young man with potential which would make him a wonderful Sith, I would be proud of him,” Vader interjected, earning a venomous look from his master and a horrified one from Luke.
“I will never join the Dark side of the Force,” Luke said calmly.
“Lord Vader do not..,” his master's anger was almost palpable in the air.
“We need to talk. Me and you, my master. You want to convert my son to the Dark side. I have no problem with this, after all, the dark side allows many things which the Jedi way does not. He is an adult. He can decide for himself. I will respect his choice. Any choice, to be clear,” Vader nodded towards Luke.
“I will never join the Dark side,” Luke replied with all the Jedi defiance Vader was very well familiar with. Luke had a lot of Anakin in him.
“Whatever, any way you, Luke, are not the one who must change his ways,” Vader turned back to face his master hoping Palpatine would not leash out and if so it would be only a verbal attack otherwise things would get too bloody.
“Lord Vader,” his Emperor hissed and raised his hands in a well-known gesture.
“His majesty is the most powerful force user that ever lived. His deep knowledge of the way of Force is unrivalled. He is a genius, my son. I have known him since I was a boy. I was lucky, he became my mentor and later my master. Of course, the hate and suffering and other shenanigans were in play, but he never lied to me that he would be nice to me. He gave me the will and purpose in my life. I need to repay him the same,” Vader said firmly and was pleased that his master lowered his hands and simply stared at him.
“What is…” the Emperor was cut short, which was something Vader had never done before, but to be honest, he was never questioning his master's ways and if he did it was in an assassination attempt, which was fitting the Sith ways. The failure hurt. Always. But it was also a well-earned lecture.
“My master! I dare you! Where is the man who taught me about the Sith mysteries? The man who tore the Republic down! The man who created the Empire with his cunning mind! Where is the man who chaperoned the newborn Empire? The man who held ultimate power over the biggest Empire of known history! The politician! The philosopher! The poet! The epitome of the Dark Side of the Force! Where is he now?” Vader´s perk for dramatic action got into solid use and he was just warming up.
“Father,” Luke timidly interjected but the look he was given by both Sith Lords silenced him.
“You are overstepping yourself, Lord Vader!” His master's voice cracked like a whip.
“All I see now is poor dentistry! A ratty black bathrobe of cloak! Utter negligence to your life work! Even the quality of your poetry declined to depths of Coruscant sewer! And now even trying to order our navy around when having no idea about naval warfare as a politician. Brilliant politician, but still a politician. Give the Admiral a free hand and in the meantime, we will discuss the Force, the life and the future of the Empire” Vader never thought he would ever see Palpatine in a state of utter disbelievement. Here he was.
“Father!” Luke whispered again when he spotted the blue sparks around the Emperor's fingers.
“I am trying to tell you, my master. Or rather hammer you back on the track of the ultimate power and might. The Empire suffers because you gave up once you got on the top. You have no responsibility. You stopped being the powerful Sith lord, I once knew. I want the powerful Palpatine back! Your esotericism took your brain out!” Vader turned to his son. “He was brilliant and I hope he will be again. The Empire is the way. He created it and he can make it stable again. He needs an apprentice who would be the needed right hand. I failed to guard my master when he went astray. With your help my son. He can be the one I remember. The glorious man who conquered it all,” it was a long speech for Vader, but deeply needed. He wanted his master to become what he once was.
“Did my poetry lose its …quality?” It was the least expected reaction from Palpatine, who went through a myriad of emotions and ended in some sort of hurt resignation.
“Yes. I used to like it a lot, you know. Now it is a kind of emotional teenage twi'lek girl´s first date description. Now the orders! We both need to focus on the Jedi and battle meditation, “ Vader had to press on Palpatine to get him back in all his dark glory.
“Yes, of course, “ Palpatine said quietly and went to his throne, where the comstation was.
“Tell him he is allowed to do the operation code-named Washtub,” Vader said and followed his master, ignoring Luke completely.
“It will be something utterly unorthodox, I presume,” Palpatine sighed and pressed the button on the rest of his throne “ Admiral Piett, you have a free hand to rid the galaxy of the rebel menace and you are cleared for the Operation Washtub. Bring me the victory, Admiral!”
“Aye, aye, Your Majesty,” Piett´s voice made Vader smile under his helmet when he heard his Admiral barking the orders before the Emperor terminated the connection.
“What is the operation Washtub?” Palpatine asked after a moment of contemplation and self-loathing of the poet who faced the reality of harsh literary criticism.
“Luke? Is your sister on the Endor?” Vader walked next to the throne and assumed with his hand on his lightsaber, he would be ready just in case anybody wanted to try something funny.
“Yes, why?” Luke asked with sudden urgency.
“Never mind, “ Vader waved his hand in dismissal. Piett liked big guns after all he was a sailor and turbo lasers were his life. He also liked fire. A lot. The idea of burning the perimeter around the bunker was dismissed by the Emperor, but Luke was here and it was time to make a bunch of crispy Ewoks with well-done Rebel steak.
“Lord Vader…why did you tell me all those things instead of taking the mantle of the Sith master,” Palpatine asked quietly. It was like the venomous snake hissing to the mouse before having it for lunch.
“I figured out very soon it would be unwise to do so. You are the one who enjoys politics. The power over the galaxy and the bureaucracy sparring in the senate. You like to play on a large scale, while I enjoy the more personal approach. After all, I am a soldier while you are a politician. We click together. I would rather be a repentant Jedi than rule over that circus. You were handling it well until you became a lazy senior focused only on your hobbies. I want you back. I promise from time to time I will try to kill you if you wish to have some sparring and keep the Sith ways. But I would rather gnaw my leg off than be an Emperor,” Vader looked at the Emperor who suddenly looked very frail but it was just a game. He knew too well what Palpatine could do. It was a dangerous game he was playing.
“I had to come to terms with your peculiar personality, Lord Vader. I must admit. You are right. You are the best apprentice I can wish for. It would pain me to kill you and to my anguish and surprise. I do not want to do it,” Palpatine stood up and his eyes were glowing with sickly yellow.
“You are wise, my master. Now we must solve this situation with the young Jedi here, “ he turned to Luke, took him around his shoulders and led him towards the shaft. He heard Palpatine creeping behind them.
“Father, there is still a chance! I can sense good in you! There is hope…” Luke felt it from Vader under the layer of the ice there was something warm and stretching desperately out of the iron grip of the dark side.
“Grab him by his hands!” Vader barked at Palpatine who did as was told and pulled Luke backwards. Vader bent quickly and grasped Luke by his ankles. “Over the rail!”
“Father…Noooooo,” the long scream of his son who was flying down into the shaft propelled by the cooperation of two Sith lords. The distant explosion of the body hitting the energy shield protecting the core told clearly what happened with the brave young Jedi.
“That was really sick…even by my standards,” Palpatine said after a minute of gazing into the abyss with Vader.
“I am Sith, what do you expect?” Vader said that the survival of the Empire meant to sacrifice his son for it. So be it.
“The rule of two. I need to remind my master of it. If you try to replace me ever again!” Vader said and laughed at the sight of perplexed Palpatine.
“I do not wish to do so. The whole circle of assassination and betrayal might be stimulating for the Sith Lord but is not good for the Emperor who bears the weight of the Empire on his shoulders and needs somebody whom he could trust even if the trust is something alien to him,” Palpatine said slowly and walked to the stairs and sit on them stretching his legs and comfy slippers like shoes appeared.
“Seriously?” Vader sat next to him and pointed at the shoes and something which looked like old sweatpants stuffed into the woollen grey socks.
“I went through catharsis. Give me a break,” Palpatine murmured. He had to admit Vader was right; he focused on the things which in the long run would bring him immortality while neglecting what he conquered. It had to change. He would cleanse his Empire from opportunistic pests. It would no doubt please Vader to be an executive power. After all, his apprentice liked to make various naval personnel and bureaucrats shit themselves with fear.
“You have slippers, sweatpants in socks under your robes. Disgusting sign of utter neglect. You were always a fashion icon in your Nabooian robes and even as the Emperor your robes were top quality not this trash,” Vader decided to push his master down even more.
“They are comfy and nobody knows what is under robes,” Palpatine protested, but when looked at his feet he started to feel something very alien. It was a shame.
“You should change underwear more often. The same goes…” Vader was not known for his mercy.
“WHAT? I …. VADER!” The blue ribbons of lighting licked the tips of Palpatine's fingers.
“The chemical analysis of the air around you does not lie,” Vader sat next to him. His helmet was a miracle of technology when he stopped to brood and started to take care of his well-being.
“Alright! Does it make you happy to humiliate me? I took the lesson! And one more mention of my underwear, I will finish what Kenobi started on Mustafar! Am I clear, my friend?” Palpatine's voice was low and his eyes were blazing yellow.
“Let's focus on battle meditation. You can change after the battle is won, there will be plenty of time,” Vader decided to not push his luck. He already had one very angry and slightly humiliated Sith lord fuming next to him. Which would add more power to the battle meditation and that was what the Imperial Forces needed. The day had to be theirs.
“I will focus and you will enjoy the victory. When it is over I will grant you your most secret wish,” Palpatine murmured and his body rearranged into a meditative position and started to levitate.
Vader nodded and stood up. He walked towards the window and connected to the sensor system of the DS. The Endor bunker was secured and the insurgents were eliminated. Commander Versio personally took out what remained from the Alderaan nobility. The shield held. The fire circle held the obnoxious furry locals out. The ground was secured. He turned his attention up to the sky. The Executor moved into action with the rest of the fleet. Rebels focused the attack on his flagship. There were losses on the Imperial side but compared to Rebellion those were neglectable, like Vader even caring about the dead or dying. The tactic his Admiral unleashed when the shackles of the imbecile order were removed was spectacular. It was not about the victory, it was about total annihilation. The battle reports were filling screens in his helmet. The losses on both sides. The power of battle meditation turned imperials into vicious beasts with heightened instincts needed to make a kill. Vader felt the power around him and his mind hummed in synchronisation enhancing his master's powers like it was even needed. MC80 Star Cruiser designation Home One exploded in the huge orange ball under a barrage from the Executor. It was poetic when one Admiral directly eliminated the other. The battle changed into a carnage where everyone wanted to score their kills against the enemy. It took two more hours to kill whatever remained and was not able to jump into the hyperspace due to Interdictors doing their jobs and keeping Rebels from escaping. The Pride of Tarlandia was broadcasting Admiral Piett's speech and what speech it was. The day was theirs. He turned from the window. The Emperor slowly descended on the floor and after some muffled cursing, he stood up.
“Before you say something, Lord Vader. I know I have a joint issue, I ignored but not anymore which goes to you too. We both need to get into physical shape. The Dark Side corrupts flesh but also restores flesh. You will have to study and work on yourself and so will I. I won my Empire back and I won you back. Together we will…” Palpatine felt the same euphoria and energy as he had during his speech announcing the death of the Republic and the birth of the First Galactic Empire. However, his apprentice had a unique talent to pull him from the heights to the lows in mere seconds.
“Your Empire and only you will rule the Galaxy. I want to retire and become a househusband. I am willing occasionally to help you remove your enemies but not too often. I plan to have a domestic life of caring for my spouse and a house tooka. After all, you granted me a wish and my wish is to marry and be a househusband,” Vader's baritone sounded menacing and gave a clear signal that his wish had to be fulfilled or hell would break loose.
“You are dear to me, Vader, but I do not want to marry you. You are like a son to me or something like that” Palpatine looked with alarm at Vader.
“Good to know. I started the affair and it was a complicated one. I am a widower and I found out many things about my deceased wife, which somehow justified me killing her. She never loved me, you know. She wanted a Jedi knight, a successful general who was untouchable. She never wanted Anakin Skywalker. When I learnt about her pregnancy I told her I would leave the Order and stay with children as a househusband and support her political career. I think that was the turning point of our relationship starting to crumble,” Vader sighed and even after all those years the memories still hurt.
“I told you that not directly but I suggested it to you when I was still the chancellor,” Palpatine interjected, but it was only once when he had his moment of weakness and wanted to help young Jedi.
“I know. I should listen to you but I was an idiot,” Vader nodded.
“Who is she? I hope you picked a lady with moral integrity and brains who truly cares about you and gives you enough of … how to put it … passion to stimulate a connection with the Dark Side of the Force. I will give you a holocron with some Sith sexual practices, you know to make things wilder,” Palpatine had one and it was gaining only dust and he had no use for it after Tarkin was blown up. He would not have time for personal life with the load of work considering the state of his Empire.
“I will take the Holocron. He will be delighted,” Vader considered it as a win after all he was one in the relationship who needed some education on the matter of passion.
“He? What do you mean by him?” Palpatine stammered.
“He is he, not she. I want to marry,” Vader calmly explained.
“Kenobi is dead, right? The green thing Yoda is dead too, right?” Palpatine looked like the elderly gentleman who missed the sales in the local grocery store and would have a heart attack from the price of Bantha butter.
“Kenobi, do not even mention him in front of me ever again. He goes into the same category of mistakes as Padmé. Yoda? Are you implying what I think you do? You are disgusting! I would never stick it in Alien!” Vader was furious and his hand moved towards his lightsaber, but he regained his composure and took several deep breaths to calm down.
“It was not proper to say that. They were two names which crossed my mind knowing the Jedi order's inner workings. I have never noticed that you have a romantic inclination or was reported about your endeavours by ISB or my agents,” Palpatine's piercing gaze met Vaders. His apprentice had a secret and for the first time in his life, Palpatine was happy that he did not know.
“We were careful. He is still claiming we are not dating even if we are dating for a decade,” Vader said and felt slight sadness. He wanted to be official and he wanted to fulfil his dream.
“And you want him to marry you despite him pretending to have nothing to do with you?” Palpatine asked carefully. He was always above such mundane things as relationship games. He and Tarkin had a set of rules which were suitable for both and their working relationship mixed with a private one was very satisfactory and productive.
“He is very promiscuous with his brothel visits, or was. He stopped drinking at least not so much. Abusing substances just occasionally. He showed me chem sex, a very good thing. I think he wants to be serious with me,” if there was a force in the universe to ensure happy matrimony for Vader it was Palpatine.
“My friend, are you sure about this man? It sounds like this individual is not meant to be marriage material. He sounds like a typical sailor, who goes wild on the shore,” Palpatine murmured and looked with rare worry at his apprentice. Suddenly Vader's investment in medical research and learning how to regenerate flesh through the dark Alchemy made sense, his apprentice didn't want to be stronger on the battlefield or be strong enough to overthrow him, he did it to satisfy his carnal desires. How weak, but on the other hand Palpatine found that strangely calming. Anakin Skywalker never changed when he could stick in, he did it and everything stopped to exist.
“I am. He is a sailor. Is it a problem?” Vader sounded ruffled. He made up his mind. He would have a husband. He would have a peaceful household and he would learn how to cook and bake.
“No, no, my friend. I hope you chose wisely,” Palpatine murmured. The battle was over. The unlimited power over the galaxy was secured or at least part of the Galaxy his Empire took. The com beeped and the outcome of the battle was reported in a single sentence announcing the total victory of the Imperial forces.
“I suggest you change your hobo attire. And do not take something which will turn you into an ancient drag queen for the celebrations,” Vader said and pointed his finger at Palpatine to enhance the meaning of his words.
“Lord Vader! I will make sure my robes will be appropriate,” Palpatine hissed and gave Vader a look.
“And I want you to announce my marriage as part of the celebration,” Vader decided to corner his Admiral with the most brutal force he could throw at him.
“I am not sure if that is appropriate, Lord Vader. You and some insignificant sailor, when there are…” Palpatine was interrupted.
“He is Admiral Firmus Piett. The man who brought you the grandiose victory on the land and in space. The hero of Endor. You will approve his marriage and announce it after some propaganda speech and some political nonsense, “ Vader knew that better opportunity he would never be able to get.
“He is …not having it right in his head. I read his dossier. Vader was your operative for years. You must know what type of man he is. On the other hand, you know what you are getting. Admiral Piett being under your watchful eyes and you being under his, will make my sleep calmer,” Palpatine murmured and tried not to think how those two were intimate. It was like a rancor doing a loth cat.
“Stop it,” Vader's voice boomed.
“What?” Palpatine tried to shake the thought of his mind.
“How we are doing it. It is intimate and private,” Vader was quite annoyed by the thought he caught from Palpatine.
“Stop reading my mind, Lord Vader,” the blue bolts cracked around Palpatine's fingers.
“Look, you practically broadcast it to me,” Vader was deeply disturbed and very offended by his master's way of thinking about some intimate aspects of his relationship.
“I… sorry. Anyway, I must work on my anger management around you after all our …relationship shifted to different dynamics,” Palpatine murmured. It was hard to admit, but in a way, he was bored when he reached his ultimate goal, now that he almost lost his entire life work moved him back on track. Vader was right he had to keep himself occupied and making his Empire strong and functioning was a gargantuan task worthy of his supreme intellect.
“I will make sure, my master, that you are still on the track. We should prepare for the official part. Do not forget the wedding announcement,” Vader bowed respectfully only to be slapped lightly by Palpatine's walking stick.
“I think you need to get ready and I suggest you meet him during the official celebration,” Palpatine winked at Vader who visibly recoiled from him. Palpatine smiled with satisfaction. He still had some power over his apprentice.
“Yes, Your Majesty,” Vader bowed to his master as he walked past him. Time to prepare himself. The question was how he should prepare. He made a move, which he did not discuss with Piett. His Admiral would be furious, but with that was expected. Piett was a reasonable and cunning man, he would accept his fate at the end. Vader was never closer to his dream. The time was dragging. He could not focus on meditation. His mind was in turmoil. Instead, he searched the holonet for cupcake recipes, it had not to be too difficult. After several holovids, his mood pleasantly calmed and switched to despair. He needed some baking and cooking lessons. The ceremony was pompous. Vader found out he enjoyed it. It was the last time he had an active role in such a thing. When married all social duties would lay on the bony shoulders of his husband. Palpatine overcame his speech and managed to heighten the frenzy of the crowd. The holo screens around the room rotated the sceneries of celebrations from various Imperial planets. Everything served for the propaganda as it should. Even his petite man was its tool. He noticed in the crowd Admiral Versio with his daughter, who solved Leia's problem. Permanently. Admiral Montferrat is arrogant as ever, but Vader has known him quite well since his time on Devastator. He for a moment considered small talk and social interactions, but it was something, which he never did before. He moved behind the Emperor. It was time for the announcement.
“The heroes must be celebrated and rewarded…” Palpatine basked in the emotions he felt from the crowd. The fanaticism, the loyalty and the need to please him. Those lesser beings would go for him to hell and back. The moment of triumph was spoiled by one intrusive thought about the rancor and the loth cat. It took a lot of his self-control to announce what he promised to his apprentice. The shock and murmurs went through the crowd of courtiers, politicians, and naval and military personnel. The good Admiral looked like he would faint. Palpatine didn't blame him. It looked really strange when Vader took the hands of a perplexed Admiral. Admiral Piett always looked sickly but now he was like death touched him. In a way it was true. Palpatine could somehow imagine those two being intimate, but he could not comprehend how his very volatile dark side immersed apprentice would fare in domestic life. It didn't help when he passed by a supposedly happy couple and caught some huttese. Palpatine had only limited knowledge of slug language to insults and some obscure sexual terms.
“And Admiral,” both of them froze when they heard Palpatine's voice “Ciutric Hegemony needs a new Governor and the rank of Grand Moff would suit you, Admiral Piett. I suppose Lord Vader would be delighted to oversee the redecoration of the Governor's palace.” Palpatine was a vicious man who took happiness from tormenting others and the look he was given by Piett was priceless.