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The bathroom door slammed behind him as Jeremy ran inside, chest heaving. He leaned against the polished wood, attempting to catch his breath. Beside him, the Squip materialised, its cyan tinged form glitching slightly from the remaining alcohol in his system.
“What” he gritted out “the hell . Was that ?”. He turned to glare at the projection of the supercomputer, which still looked infuriatingly calm. Jeremy thought he saw a flutter of movement near the bathtub but he ignored it, if there was another person in here they would have said something by now.
The Squip ignored him, instead gesturing towards the sink “ Clean up your face Jeremiah, it is far too sweaty to be attractive currently ”.
“You didn't answer me” Jeremy interjected, walking over to the sink obediently “What was that? How do I fix it?”.
The Squip sighed, a sad imitation of real disappointment “ An oversight ” it intoned “ As for how to fix it, I presently have no access to any information past your sensory input, and can not make any predictions ”. Jeremy made a confused noise, prompting it to keep talking. “In layman terms, I can only experience what you are currently experiencing, and I am currently unable to make any valuable calculations ”, the Squip explained.
Jeremy sighed “Great, so you’re useless” he groaned. The Squip scoffed “ Hardly. I am simply experiencing a mild set-back, I should be fully operational in no time, then we will continue working towards your goal”.
“Sure, my goal of being chased by Jake fucking Dillinger at his Halloween party after nearly being raped” Jeremy spat out. He thought he heard a sharp intake of breath nearby but the Squip responded before he could acknowledge it “ I simply gave you what you wanted, Jeremy” it stated.
“This isn't what I wanted!" he protested, clutching the marble of the sink counter.
“Isn't it?” the computer asked with an arched eyebrow “Popularity, girls hanging over you, boys jealous of you, the chance to get with the girl of your-”.
"No!” Jeremy interrupted “I wanted you to make people like me! I.. wanted you to make me like myself". He looked down, tears gathering at the corners of his eyes and knuckles going white from how hard he held onto the cold surface. “But I hate myself” he whispered, volume slowly rising to a scream. “Jeremy 1.0 and Jeremy 2.0, I hate them! I hate them so much!".
"I just want to look in the mirror and see something less ugly. I want to see my dad happy and upbeat again. I want my best friend back".
"Hey!" A voice outside suddenly yelled, followed by vicious knocking "Some of us need to use the bathroom too you know!".
Jeremy felt his mouth open against his will and yell back in a ridiculously pitchy tone "I'm having my period!".
The knocking ceased. "Take your time honey" came the sympathetic reply and he could hear the stranger walk away.
“And I want you to stop taking control of me without my permission”.
“It was necessary ”.
"Was it? You couldn't have come up with any better excuse?" he snapped, glaring at the projection.
The computer looked back without a hint of remorse. “ It was believable and the most likely one to get them to leave you alone” .
"I'm not a girl " Jeremy hissed defensively, chest tight from a twisted mix of anger and dysphoria.
The Squip ignored him, speaking over him quickly “ We've spent quite enough time in here. My systems are nearly fully functional, you should leave”.
"I want to stay here" Jeremy said and immediately regretted it as electricity wracked his slumped form, a choked sob escaping his throat.
A stern voice echoed through his mind “ We have a deal, Jeremy. Now get going ”.
This wasn’t how it was supposed to be, crying his eyes out in a bathroom after cheating on his (ex?) girlfriend. He was supposed to be happy, talking to Christine, telling Michael about everything that was happening. Wasn’t the Squip supposed to improve his life?
“Jeremy, I am improving your life. Today was just a minor glitch in the system. I assure you, it won’t happen again. Now, repeat after me: Everything about you is so terrible”.
“E-Everything about me is s-so terrible”.
“our stammering is unattractive. Stop it”.
“Everything about me makes me want to die”
“Go on ” .
“I need the SQUIP to be worthwhile”.
“Good. And? ”.
“I would rather be normal than happy”.
“Excellent. Now, we have to leave this filthy room Jeremy, Christine is just outside… ”.
The boy looked up slowly, he released his harsh grip on the sink and splashed some water onto his face. He eyed his reflection, he thought his pupils flashed an electric blue for a second, but it must have been a trick of the light. He walks out of the bathroom.
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A boy sits up in the bathtub, stunned by the events he just witnessed. He brushes non-existent dust off of his CREEPS sweater and approaches the door. This was so much worse than he had thought.