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It was a normal day in Underfell.
Well, not a normal day for the universe itself (far from it, actually), but it was rather typical for the inter-universal beings currently duking it out within the local Snowdin. Everyone was going against their usual enemies – the twins were going head-to-head, and Killer, Dust, and Horror were ganging up on Blue, who was surprisingly efficient at holding all three back. Cross was flitting between the two battles whenever he thought himself needed, and no absolutely nobody’s surprise, Ink and Error were using the battle as an excuse to fight about their latest petty toddlers’ spat, whatever it had been.
Of course, “Ink and Error” was really just a nice way of saying “Error”. Ink was, literally, incapable of caring, let alone even remembering their squabbles to begin with.
He still enjoyed kicking the glitch’s ass, though, which was perfectly displayed when, in response to Error pouncing in his direction with his strings drawn, Ink swung Broomie full-force into his ribcage, sending the Destroyer flying backwards into a tree. An exceptionally loud crack rang out across the battlefield as he made contact – loud enough that all other fighting stopped, heads turning towards where Error now laid, crumbled in the tree’s roots.
“Damn!” Was all Ink had to say, laughing a little as he spoke. Nightmare decided to give him a taste of his own medicine by sending the artist into the atmosphere with a tentacle – well, not really into the atmosphere, considering there was a layer of rock between them and space, though it would be to absolutely nobody’s surprise if there was now an Ink-shaped hole somewhere in the Underground’s ceiling.
By the time the King got to Error’s side, his underlings were already there, as was Blue, who had a strange friendship with the glitch. The impact had been hard enough to send Error into a reboot, which was the exact opposite of a good sign. A check to the back of his head revealed a nasty crack, though thankfully he didn’t appear to have any spinal injuries.
“Do you think he’ll get a concussion?” Cross piped up after a moment of silence, seeming a bit unsure about the situation as he stood awkwardly to the side.
“He will be lucky if he doesn’t.” Was all the King offered in return, smacking a stick out of Killer’s hand, which he’d been poking the unconscious Error with.
“Looks like it’ll be a short reboot, at least?” Blue, rather unhelpfully, added. Nightmare was, in fact, literate. He could read the percent on the popup above the Destroyer’s face. Instead of informing Blue of this fact, the King simply let out a sigh, followed by a mildly irritated “yes”.
Back where they had been fighting minutes prior, Dream stood pointlessly, looking like, as Killer would put it, an ‘NPC’. “Hey. Blue, I think we should-“ Blue held a hand up behind him in the vague direction of the positive guardian, effectively silencing him as he made sure his friend wouldn’t awake in too uncomfortable of a position.
It wasn’t long until he did, the group only having to wait another two minutes for the bar to reach 100%, and for the glitch to slowly regain consciousness, releasing a few beeps as his functioning returned. The second Error's eyes opened and focused to their usual capacity (which was to say, not very much), he was met with the lovely sight of six blurry faces looming over him. He visibly startled, before his expression fell into annoyance.
“kæn juː stɒp ˈsteərɪŋ æt miː laɪk jɔː ˈɡɒnə iːt miː,ðə fʌk?”
Instead of backing off, the group stared at the glitch in shock, faces ranging from confused to horrified to slightly amused.
There was a brief silence, before Killer broke it with a dignified, “What the fuck?”
Error pitted him with a glare: “ðə hɛl duː juː miːn “wɒt ðə fʌk”? aɪ dəʊnt wɒnt juː ˈɛniweə nɪə miː, naʊ muːv.”
“Uh, buddy, why are you…” Cross started, only to shrink back when the Destroyer glared at him. Horror coughed, finishing the guardsman’s sentence: “Talkin’… like that.
Error squinted at the pair in confused disbelief. “wɒt ɪn ðə neɪm ɒv ðə stɑːz duː juː miːn? aɪm ˈspiːkɪŋ ðə seɪm ˈlæŋɡwɪʤ æz juː, ˈdʌmɑːs, ɔː hæv juː fəˈɡɒtᵊn maɪ vɔɪs ˈɪzᵊnt ‘ˈnɔːmᵊl’?
A sudden, sharp pain rang through the Destroyer’s skull, causing him to tilt his head back and wince. Nightmare’s tentacles moved to support his back and neck. “ˈhəʊli ˈfʌkɪŋ ʃɪt, maɪ hɛd fiːlz laɪk aɪ ʤʌst ɡɒt rʌn ˈəʊvə baɪ ə ˈbʊlˌdəʊzə, kæn ˈsʌmbədi ɡɛt miː ˈʧɒklət?”
“Error, I’m not sure what is going on, but we… we cannot understand what you’re saying.” The King finally spoke up from next to him. The glitch elbowed him (for which he received a gentle smack to the humorous in return), pitting him with the most frustrated expression to ever be frustrated.
“wɒt ði ˈækʧuəl fʌk, naɪt? wɪə bəʊθ ˈspiːkɪŋ ˈɪŋɡlɪʃ, dɪd ðəʊz ˈɪdiəts ˈmænɪʤ tuː kənˈvɪns juː tuː ʤɔɪn ɪn ɒn ˈmɛsɪŋ wɪð miː?” He looked across the group, trying to spot any hint of suppressed laughter, only finding the others either staring at him worriedly, or in the case of Dust and Killer, having some sort of silent conversation as they gestured towards him.
“Can you understand us, Error?” Blue took his attention, sat next to him opposite the negative guardian. Error looked furious at the question.
“ˈɒbviəsli aɪ kæn ˈfʌkɪŋ ˌʌndəˈstænd juː! naʊ ˈsɪəriəsli, aɪ niːd ˈʧɒklət!”
From behind the crowd, Dream once again tried to get Blue’s attention: “Blue, I really think we should try find Ink-“
“ʌh, ˈnəʊbədi ɡɪvz ə ʃɪt əˈbaʊt ðæt ɡluː-ˈiːtɪŋ ˈpɪsænt, driːm! naʊ fɔː ðə lɑːst ˈfʌkɪŋ taɪm, aɪ niːd maɪ ɡɒd dæm ˈʧɒklət!”
“Error,” Nightmare brought the Destroyer’s focus back to him, “you have a fracture on the back of your skull. Does your head hurt at all? Your back?”
Error blew up at the King, “aɪ ˈlɪtᵊrᵊli sɛd ðæt laɪk ə ˈfʌkɪŋ ˈmɪnɪt əˈɡəʊ! ɑː juː ˈfʌkɪŋ ˈkɪdɪŋ miː!? wɜː juː ˈiːvᵊn-”
“We should get him something to write on.” Blue interrupted him, speaking to the King.
“əʊ maɪ ɡɒd, aɪm ˈlɪtᵊrᵊli ˈtɔːkɪŋ tuː juː-”
“That would be a good idea.” Nightmare nodded.
“ˈfʌkɪŋ hɛl!” Error hit the tree root besides him with his fist, immediately regretting it at pain travelled up his wrist.
Back out in the field, Dream walked off to look for Ink, accepting that Blue wasn’t going to follow.
“I wonder if I have any books covering something similar to this…” Nightmare muttered, holding a hand over his mouth as he thought.
“ˈʧɒklət!! pliːz!!” Error’s voice rose in pitch as it began stuttering.
It was now that Killer decided to begin annoying the distraught glitch, holding his phone out towards him. “Hey, Error-“
“wɒt?!”
“I wanna see what the speech-to-text thingy thinks you’re saying. Say something, it’ll be funny!”
“kɪl jɔːˈsɛlf.”
“Keep talking!”
“əʊ, fʌk juː, juː ˈæbsəluːt ˈbɐːstəd-“
“Hey guys, I’m back!”
The multiverse’s most annoying, grating, irritatingly familiar voice rang out from across the battlefield. All eyes turned, and Error led out an exhausted groan. Lo and behold, Ink had dragged himself all the way back from wherever it was he had landed, an odd limp in his step and clothes all torn up, yet still sporting his usual grin.
“Wanna- oh hey, where’s Dream? Eh, never mind, wanna keep fighting now? Gotta say, Night, you sure do know a thing or two about aerodynamics, I ended up in like…” He paused, looking like his non-existent SOUL left his body for a moment. “Actually, I don’t remember. Anyway-“
“əʊ maɪ ˈfʌkɪŋ ɡɒd, ɪŋk, ɡəʊ əˈweɪ, ˈnəʊbədi wɒnts jɔː ræŋk æs hɪə, fʌk ɒf ænd daɪ!” Error shrieked at him, stopping his idiotic rambling.
Ink blinked, eyelights changing to a question mark and exclamation mark. For a second, he was quiet, staring emotionlessly as the Destroyer’s shoulders shook from his heavy, rage-fuelled breaths. Of course, it didn’t last long, Ink’s stupid smile returning and eyelights switching again.
“Wow, Error, you’re speaking funny!”
Error’s eye twitched, a mechanic whine built in his chest, and he promptly crashed.