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If he was being perfectly honest, mail call had never been John's favorite part of the day; even before he'd ended up in the hell that was Stalag Luft III.
He knew to keep his mouth shut about it, though, because for a lot of the men, he knew that mail call was one of the only things that got them through the day.
He understood that, he did. In a place as desolate and hopeless as this, he could see exactly how a letter from a wife, or a girlfriend, or even a mom would be the highlight of the day for a lot of the men. There wasn't much else to keep them going in here, and especially not with how long some of them had been here.
He'd been here going on six months, and honestly? He wasn't sure how much longer he could keep doing this for.
The weather had taken a turn for the worst over the last couple of weeks, and a cold had settled into his bones that he didn't think he'd ever be able to shake. He'd thought that England was cold, even in the fall, but nothing had prepared him for the devastating cold that came with spending winter in a German prison camp.
It wasn't just the cold, though. They were fed just enough to keep them from starving, but lukewarm soup with potatoes had stopped being appealing about a week into being here, and he really didn't think it would get any more enjoyable from here on out. Honestly, he was pretty sure he'd never be able to eat a potato again without thinking about being here.
They'd had Red Cross packages, but it was barely enough to keep them going. The frequency of them had dropped off lately too, due to there being problems with getting mail into the camp, and he knew that that had been a massive blow to the morale of the men stuck here in the camp.
Aside from that, the cabins they slept in were cramped and freezing cold at night, and while they were allowed access to hygiene stations, he was pretty sure he'd need to bathe for a week straight in order to feel properly clean again after this. If they ever got out, that was; which was looking less and less likely as the days went on.
It was a horrendous way of living, but they were making do with what they had. It definitely helped that he wasn't alone, that he was surrounded by friendly faces; Gale, Crank, DeMarco, Brady, to name a few. They kept each other sane in here, and he really wasn't sure how he would have survived this without them.
Honestly, even knowing that Gale was alive after what had happened had done wonders for his spirit.
He hadn't been in the right frame of mind ever since Gale had been shot down over Bremen, and things had only gone from bad to worse since then.
The not knowing had been the worst part. All he'd been told was that Gale's plane had taken a direct hit, and that they'd gone down, but that had still left him with so many questions. He didn't know if Gale was alive, if he'd died in his fort, if he'd parachuted safely to the ground only to be captured by Germans. There were too many unknowns, and he'd really gotten into his own head about the whole thing.
Gale was the best friend he'd ever had; but more than that, he'd always felt something for Gale that he refused to put a name to. If he acknowledged what it was, he knew that it would ruin him, because it was something that he knew he could never have.
He didn't believe in all of that soulmate crap, but if he did, he would have believed that Gale had found his soulmate in Marge. He'd seen them together countless times, he'd spent time with them in each other's company, and he could genuinely say that he'd never seen two people happier together. It was why he was so unwilling to let himself dwell on his own feelings for Gale, because he knew that Gale was with the person he was supposed to be with.
It didn't matter, though, none of it mattered.
Once Gale was in his life one way or another, he could be happy with what he had, because he'd never begrudge Gale in finding his own happiness.
Lately, though, he'd been finding it harder and harder to push down his feelings for Gale and pretend that they didn't exist; mainly because Gale being here was one of the only things getting him through the day.
The days before he'd been brought to Stalag Luft III had genuinely been the worst of his life. He'd thought that he was going to die more times than he could count, and honestly? Part of him had been hoping that he would.
He'd spent a week in solitary confinement at Dulag Luft, with nothing to focus on other than the pain in his ribs that flared with every breath he took, and the fact that he couldn't see properly out of his right eye for the first couple of days. He knew the ribs would heal eventually, but it was the head injury that made those few days particularly torturous. They'd given him a perfunctory look over, just to make sure that he wasn't about to die on them, but he still wasn't entirely confident that his eye socket hadn't been cracked, at least. He wouldn't have been surprised, because he'd never felt pain like that before in his life.
He hadn't thought that things would get any better once he'd been transferred to Stalag Luft III, but seeing Gale again, seeing that he was alive and relatively well, had brought a life back into him that he hadn't thought existed anymore. He suddenly had something to live for again, and it had made it a little bit easier to get through each and every day.
Still, that wasn't to say that it was a walk in the park.
Being here was a kind of torture that he'd never really accounted for, and especially because they had no idea when they'd get out of this place, if ever. Some days, all he wanted was to turn over in his tiny, uncomfortable bunk and just.. let himself die. It seemed like the easiest option.
He did try his best not to think like that too much, though, because he knew that if anybody had any chance of getting out of here, then it was himself and Gale. They'd need each other, though, and so he knew that they just had to stick together and try to see this through.
Still, as hard as he was trying, he couldn't deny that he felt particularly flat right now.
Like he'd mentioned earlier, he'd never been overly fond of mail call, and he'd been finding it especially hard to sit through it while they were here; watching the other guys get letters from their wives and girlfriends, watching them get letters from people who cared about them.
It was even harder to watch Gale getting letters from Marge, and to see the blissful smile that would cross his face when he read the sweet words from her.
He hadn't gotten a single letter in the six months that he'd been here, and while something like that wouldn't usually have bothered him, he couldn't deny that he was starting to feel the sting of it now.
What did it matter if he managed to make it out of here and get home? He clearly didn't have anybody that cared enough about him to even write him a letter, and so he sometimes didn't see the point in fighting. Gale had Marge to go home to, the other guys had girls and families. What did he have to go home to? An empty house, and a stray cat he'd sometimes fed that he was pretty sure preferred his neighbour anyway? It wasn't much to be rushing home to.
It was late in the evening. Lights out had been called a little over an hour ago, and so their cabin was full. The rest of the guys had since gone to sleep, though, and so it was quiet, the room only barely illuminated by the dim glow of the lamp that they weren't really supposed to have on at this time.
He'd been doing his best to fall asleep too, matching his breathing to the slow rhythm of Hambone's snoring from the bunk above him in an attempt to drop off to sleep. His attention was drawn by the sound of Gale getting out of his bunk, though, and he turned over to see where he was going.
Gale didn't actually go far, which wasn't a surprise, considering they weren't allowed out of their cabin after lights out. He'd chosen instead to simply sit on the stool in the corner, looking out the window.
"Can't sleep?" He asked, propping himself up on an elbow.
Gale looked over at him, a faint smile crawling onto his face, "I'm just thinking."
"About what?"
"The radio. I can't figure out why it didn't work." Gale said, his gaze drifting back towards the window.
He just hummed quietly, shrugging his shoulders, "You'll figure it out."
He didn't doubt that. He knew just how smart Gale was, and so if anybody would figure out how to get their little homemade radio working, then it would be him. Hell, he was already impressed that he'd managed to put together the radio in the first place, and so he knew he'd figure it out sooner or later.
They lapsed back into quiet then, although he glanced back over at Gale after a moment. He looked deep in thought, his face just about illuminated by the lamp overhead, and he couldn't help but wonder if the radio was the only thing on his mind.
"Hey." He said after a moment, before pushing himself up so that he could clamber across into Gale's bunk instead of his own, leaving only a couple of inches in distance between them. He didn't want to wake the other guys, and so this seemed as good a plan as any, "I'm sorry about earlier, I didn't mean anything by it."
He'd been in a pretty terrible mood by the time that mail call had come around earlier, and so when Gale had said that his letter was from Marge, still wearing that same blissful smile that he always did when he spoke about her, he hadn't been able to stop himself from rolling his eyes and sarcastically drawling Marge; as though Gale receiving a letter from her had personally inconvenienced him.
He hadn't meant it, it was petty jealousy getting the better of him. He had noticed the slightly hurt expression quickly passing over Gale's face, though, and so he'd made a mental note to apologise for it later.
Gale smiled briefly at finding John suddenly in his bunk instead of his own, although it was replaced by a slightly more sober expression at his words, "It's alright, I know you didn't." He assured him.
He just nodded, still looking over at Gale as he pressed his chin into the pillow. Like this, lying on his stomach in Gale's bunk, it was impossible not to notice the faint scent of Gale still lingering on the pillow. It was comforting and familiar, and it took everything in him not to press his face in against the pillow.
"Last letter I sent before Bremen, I popped the question." Gale said after a moment of silence, his voice unusually quiet.
He looked back up at him, trying his best to ignore the way his stomach clenched uncomfortably at Gale's words, "You did?" He asked. He hadn't quite expected that. He knew that Gale and Marge would eventually get married, but he certainly didn't think that Gale had asked her already. He'd thought he'd have a while to prepare himself for that.
"She said yes."
Of course she had. Marge was always going to say yes to Gale's proposal when it eventually happened, and so he knew that there was no reason for him to be surprised about that. The timing just felt a little bit unfair, was all.
"So, that's great. Congratulations." He said, trying his best attempt at a smile. Even he could hear the way the words fell flat, though, and he hoped that Gale assumed it was just because he was tired.
Gale just looked at him, something that looked an awful lot like concern written all over his face. Thankfully, he didn't comment on it, choosing instead to simply say, "I was even thinking maybe you'd be my best man?"
That was.. possibly the worst thing that Gale could have said to him in that moment, and he knew how unfair it was of him to think like that.
If he thought of Gale as nothing but his best friend, then he genuinely couldn't be happier for him. All he wanted was for Gale to be happy, and he knew that he was with Marge. They'd get married, they'd have a rake of blonde children, and they'd grow old together. Gale had been through more than enough when it came to this war, and so he was relieved to know that he would have a happy ending coming his way, once they eventually got out of here.
If he thought of Gale as the man he'd fallen in love with, though, then the news that he'd proposed to Marge was breaking his heart.
Realistically, he knew that he never would have had a chance with Gale. He'd tried his best to keep his own feelings hidden, and Gale had never given even the faintest indication that he might feel the same way. He didn't doubt that Gale loved him, but he knew that it was as nothing more than his best friend.
It was silly for him to hope for more than that, and he knew that. They were both men. Even if by some miracle, Gale did feel the same way, how would they ever have made something of it? He knew that it never would have worked, and so he knew that this jealousy and heartbreak wasn't warranted.
He looked back up at Gale, and even he knew that he'd left too long of a pause between Gale's question and his answer, "I will be your best man." He said with a nod, trying his best to ignore the lump in his throat.
He'd never really pictured Gale's wedding. For some reason, he hadn't pictured himself being there, and he certainly hadn't pictured himself being Gale's best man.
He couldn't think of anything more painful than having to stand next to Gale at the altar and watch him marrying the love of his life; all while trying to pretend that he wasn't wishing it was him. He'd do it, though. He'd do whatever he could to forget about his feelings for Gale and just support him on the most important day of his life.
A frown crossed Gale's face then, although he looked as though he didn't know how to say whatever it was that was on his mind, "John-"
He pushed himself up from Gale's bunk, scrubbing a hand over his face as he did, "I gotta get some air." He mumbled.
He knew that they technically weren't allowed out of their cabin once it was lights out, but he felt as though the walls were starting to close in around him, and he needed to just be anywhere other than here. He couldn't stand the thought of Gale looking at him in that heartbreakingly earnest way that he did and asking him what was wrong, when he knew that he could never tell him.
He zipped his jacket back up as he stepped outside, shoving his hands into his pockets to protect them from the cold. Jesus fucking Christ, it was bitterly cold nights like this when he half wished that he'd never traded his heavy sheepskin coat away; despite Gale's disdain for it. He would have appreciated it right now.
Heading around to the back of their cabin, he couldn't help but be grateful for the small mercy that was the location of the cabin. They were right down the back of the compound, with no other cabins behind theirs. It was quiet and dark behind here, and so once they timed it right, there was very little chance of being caught by a guard if they snuck out around the back. It was useful for occasions like this, when one of them wanted a moment to themselves.
Gale wasn't far behind him, which he couldn't say he was too surprised about. Gale had always been a talker, never content to just leave things alone. It drove him crazy sometimes, especially when all he wanted to do was avoid talking about the issue.
He leaned back against the wall of the cabin, pulling his crumpled packet of cigarettes out of his pocket. If Gale was going to insist on talking, then the least he could do was put up with him smoking while they did.
His fingers were shaking from the cold, though, and he couldn't quite manage to get the flattened box open, and so he didn't bother arguing when Gale plucked the box from his hands to open it for him.
"What's going on with you?" Gale asked softly as he handed the box back to him.
He shook his head, holding the cigarette between his lips to light it, "Nothing."
"Now, why don't I believe that?" Gale asked, and there was a faint smile pulling at his lips as he nudged his shoulder with his own, "Come on, you're not yourself. The other guys have noticed it too."
"Yeah, well, maybe everyone else should mind their own business." He shrugged.
"John-"
"Why the hell would I be myself?" He asked, suddenly sick of the needling, "We've been stuck in this goddamn shit hole for six months, and at this rate, it looks like we'll be here for another six months."
He hadn't meant to snap at Gale, he really hadn't, he was just.. he was sick of being here. He was sick of watching the other guys getting letters, knowing that there wouldn't be any for him. He was sick of being so cold at night that he didn't think he'd ever feel warm again. And he was sick of fucking potatoes.
"Hey, we'll get out." Gale insisted, leaning forward slightly to catch his eye.
He sighed, dropping his half smoked cigarette and kicking the snow over it to cover the evidence, "Alright. We get out, then what?" He asked, raising his eyebrows, "I get the pleasure of going home to an empty house? I don't have anybody that gives enough of a shit about me to even write me a letter, so what the fuck does it matter if I get out of here or not?"
"You can't think like that, Bucky." Gale said softly, "I know it's hard being here, but we'll figure something out. I can't do it without you, though, so you gotta hold it together."
"Yeah, well, that's easy for you to say, isn't it?" He snapped, "We all know what you're rushing home to, since you never shut the hell up about it. Marge, this. Marge, that. Give me a fucking break."
Gale looked rather taken aback at his words, and honestly? He couldn't even blame him for it, because he knew that he'd been out of line just there. It was a good thing that Gale had Marge to go home to, just like how it was a good thing that any of these guys had girls to go home to. It was something to keep them going through all of this.
He knew he'd regret what he'd said later, but right now; he was just so sick of it all. Hearing that Gale had proposed to Marge was just the icing on top of the shit-cake, and he knew that he was letting his jealousy get the better of him.
"Alright, what the hell is your issue?" Gale asked, and the worst part was that he didn't even look angry about it; he just looked concerned.
"You. You're my goddamn issue!"
He almost wanted a fight. He almost wanted Gale to yell at him, and to hit him, and to tell him to get over himself. It'd be a break from the monotony that each day had become. Of course, though, Gale didn't rise to it. He knew he wouldn't. He'd always been so goddamn level headed that it was almost annoying at times.
"You need to calm down, before the whole camp hears us out here." Gale said quietly, glancing back to make sure that they hadn't attracted the attention of any guards that were out patrolling, "Talk to me, John. This isn't you, what's going on?"
He sighed, the fight draining out of him almost as quickly as it had risen. The truth was, he didn't actually want to fight with Gale; despite the fact that he'd been goading him into it. The younger man was probably one of the only things keeping him sane in here, and so the last thing he needed to do was ruin the whole thing because he was being an asshole.
Still, not wanting to fight with Gale didn't mean that he wanted to talk about what was going on. He'd never been one for talking about personal things, even with Gale, and so he wouldn't know where to even begin. How was he supposed to explain that his love for Gale was both the thing that was keeping him going, and the thing that was ruining him?
So, he just shrugged his shoulders, scuffing the toe of his boot in the snow, "It's nothing."
"Hey." Gale gently nudged him with his shoulder again, giving him a small smile when he looked up at him, "You know you can talk to me about anything, right? No matter what it is."
"I can't, not about this." He insisted, trying his best to ignore the sudden prickle of tears.
Like he'd said, he wouldn't even know where to begin. He knew that Gale wouldn't feel the same way, and so what was the point in opening his mouth and ruining everything? Gale was kind and compassionate, and so he doubted that he'd do anything as dramatic as kick the shit out of him for it, but he couldn't bear the thought of having him look at him differently. Sympathy was the worst thing he could imagine, especially coming from Gale.
Still, it seemed that Gale was incapable of just dropping it, which wasn't exactly a surprise from the younger man, "Well, why don't you try?" He suggested, still wearing that concerned look that made him want to be literally anywhere but here, "I'm sure it's not as big a deal as you think it is."
"Buck-"
"I just want t-"
Rather than letting Gale finish his sentence, he simply pulled him in by the lapels of his jacket, pressing their lips together in a hard kiss.
That certainly hadn't been his plan, but he was just so goddamn sick of this conversation. He didn't want to talk to Gale about any of this, but he had a feeling that the younger man wasn't about to drop it until he did actually talk. So, fine, if Gale wanted to know what it was that was bothering him, then he'd fucking show him.
He'd been preparing himself for this outcome, but he still couldn't help but be disappointed when Gale pulled away from him instead of kissing him back, gripping him by the elbows to keep him at arms length.
"Wait, John, I-"
"That's what's been going on with me." He snapped, trying his best to ignore the lump in his throat as he stepped away from Gale. He knew there wasn't anywhere for him to go, other than back inside, but he couldn't just stand here any longer.
God fucking damnit. What had he just done?
He hadn't wanted to talk to Gale about what was going on, because he was afraid of ruining everything. Now, it looked like he'd done just that, because he hadn't been able to keep his temper in check.
He didn't get far, though. Gale reached out to catch him by the sleeve as he stepped away from him, before pushing him up against the side of the cabin. Rather than punching him like he'd half expected, though, Gale leaned in to kiss him again, holding him by the lapels of his own coat.
He almost didn't know how to respond. This was the last thing he'd expected to happen, and so he found himself almost frozen in place as Gale kissed him, his hands hovering somewhere near Gale's waist.
For a moment, it was just the awkward press of their mouths together, although Gale eventually reached up to cup his face with a gentle touch, tilting his head into the kiss, "Come on, don't leave me hanging." He whispered against his lips.
That was all it took to kick him into gear, and he reached up to grip the back of Gale's jacket as he kissed him back, a soft noise spilling from his throat as he did.
This was.. God, it was all he'd ever wanted.
He'd dreamt about getting to kiss Gale like this more times than he'd care to admit, but he didn't think that it was something he'd ever get to have. Gale was so devoted to Marge, and so in love with her, that he hadn't thought there was a chance that his feelings would be reciprocated.
Gale's fingers were shaking slightly as he pressed them to his jaw, but he was kissing him in a way that felt like he meant it, and so he wasn't worried about the possibility that Gale was only giving him this to placate him. Besides, he knew that Gale wouldn't do something like that to him.
He smoothed his hands down the length of Gale's back to pull him close, something warm curling in his stomach at the way that Gale pressed himself up against him in response.
He was only an inch or two taller than Gale, and so he hadn't thought it would be something that he'd notice, but he really couldn't deny how good it felt when Gale slid a hand around the back of his neck to pull him down to his height.
If he was being honest, he was a little surprised at how forward Gale was being. He'd expected a little more hesitancy from the younger man, especially since he'd never had even an inkling that this might've been what Gale wanted.
The first slide of Gale's tongue against his own had him feeling a little bit weak in the knees. He must have physically reacted without realising it, because Gale huffed softly against his lips, a smile on his own as he leaned back just far enough to look at him.
He felt almost dazed as he looked back down at Gale, still holding the younger man against himself, "What was that?" He asked.
"What d'you think it was?" Gale asked, that faint smile still on his lips as he dropped his gaze to John's lips for a moment, before looking back up at him.
Christ, Gale was so goddamn beautiful.
Even like this; even after months of being starved and without a proper shower, even with the new scars on his face, Gale was still the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. The way he was looking at him didn't help that case at all; soft eyes, full of love and affection.
Still, he sighed, reaching up to gently stroke his thumb against Gale's chin, "Don't do anything you don't mean, I couldn't take it."
"I mean it." Gale whispered, catching his hand to press a soft kiss against his fingers.
So, he simply cupped Gale's face between his hands, leaning in to kiss him again.
He wasn't a distrustful person, and especially not when it came to Gale, and so that insistence was enough for him. Even if it turned out that Gale hadn't meant it, and if he ended up backtracking and wanting to pretend that none of this had ever happened; he'd still know what it was like to kiss Gale, he'd still have the memory of what it felt like, what he tasted like. So, he was going to savour this for as long as he could.
He kept his touch tender as he cupped Gale's face, even as he delved his tongue into his mouth. He'd never kissed a man before, and he really doubted that Gale had either, and so he didn't want to scare him off by being too forward.
While he was on that topic, he really wasn't sure what he'd been expecting from kissing a man instead of a woman. He'd figured that kissing was kissing, no matter who it was with, but he really couldn't deny how aware he was of the fact that Gale was a man. Not that it bothered him; Gale was kissing him, and that was the only thing that mattered.
Like he'd said before, he was tall, and so he was used to kissing girls that were a good deal shorter than him. With Gale, though, there was only an inch or two in the difference. It wasn't just that, though. Girls were soft, with gentle curves and little waists. Gale was all lithe muscles and sharp angles, especially after months of being here.
Gale arched up against him again, a soft moan catching in his throat as he wrapped his arms around his neck to pull him close.
Jesus Christ, Gale pulling at him like that was something that he'd dreamed about.
Had they been literally anywhere else, he would have pushed his luck as far as he could. He would have trailed his mouth down to bite at the sensitive skin of Gale's throat, he would have pulled Gale's hips against his own to see if he could get him hard, he would have slipped his hands underneath Gale's clothes in order to touch his bare skin.
He knew they couldn't, though, not here. Even kissing like this out in the open was risky enough, without taking it any further. He didn't even want to think of the repercussions that they'd face if they were caught with their hands down each other's pants. The only place that they could go was back inside, and then they'd be stuck in their tiny cabin with the rest of the guys. It just wouldn't work.
Still, that wasn't to say that he wasn't content with this. Kissing Gale like this was all he'd ever dreamed of and more, and so if this was the most that he ever got from the younger man, then he'd be okay with that.
They pulled away from each other at the sound of a dog barking in the distance, although he couldn't help but revel in the slightly wild look in Gale's eyes. It felt really damn good to know that he wasn't the only one affected by this.
"We should probably head back inside." He whispered, biting his lip gently. He didn't want to, but he knew that they couldn't stay out here forever.
Gale nodded, looking at his lips for a moment longer before glancing back up at him, "Yeah."
He let go of Gale then, although he was surprised when Gale leaned back in to press another quick kiss to his lips, reaching down between them to gently squeeze his fingers.
He couldn't help the smile that tugged at his lips then, just because it was really nice to think that he wasn't the only one who didn't want to go back inside. He would have loved to stay out here with Gale's fingers linked with his own and pretend that the rest of the world didn't exist, but he knew that that wasn't an option.
After a quick glance around the corner to make sure that the guards weren't anywhere near, he and Gale slipped back around the side of the cabin and inside, although Gale didn't let go of his hand as they did.
The rest of the guys were still asleep, obviously not having been disturbed by he and Gale slipping out. That was fine by him, since he didn't particularly want to have to explain what the pair of them had been doing out in the freezing cold.
Speaking of the cold, he couldn't help but shiver as they stepped back inside, rubbing his hands together once Gale had let him go in an attempt to warm himself up a bit. The inside of the cabin wasn't exactly warm, but he didn't think he'd ever get used to the kind of cold that it was outside at this time.
He headed back over to his bunk as Gale climbed into his own, assuming that they'd drop this whole thing until they could be alone together again. He didn't mind, he knew that they couldn't let on that this had ever happened, not even in front of the other guys.
"Hey."
He glanced back over at Gale, finding the other man already in his bunk, although he'd tucked himself in as close to the wall as he could, leaving a bit of space on the outside of the bunk, "Room for two." Gale said, giving him a small smile as he gestured him over with a nod of his head.
He smiled, ducking his head slightly, "Is that a good idea?" He asked.
He wanted nothing more than to give in to what Gale was asking, to curl up as close to Gale as he possibly could, and to let himself fall asleep in the younger man's arms. Still, they weren't alone in the cabin, and that was a fact he was very aware of.
Rather than answering him, Gale just nodded over to one of the other bunks, where DeMarco and Brady were tucked in next to each other, both fast asleep.
"Huh."
"It's pretty damn cold in here." Gale reasoned, shrugging a shoulder.
Well, he couldn't argue with that. He wasn't about to start asking questions about DeMarco and Brady, but he wouldn't be surprised if they were simply huddling for warmth. It was better than nothing, in a place like this.
Still, in a place like this, huddling for comfort could be equally as important as huddling for warmth, and so like he'd said; he'd simply turn a blind eye and pretend he hadn't seen anything.
So, he did what he was asked and climbed up into Gale's bunk, curling in close to the younger man, "There absolutely is not room for two up here." He teased.
Gale just smiled and shrugged again, "Guess we'll just have to huddle." He whispered, curling in close to him.
Well, that was fine with him.
Gale finally settled down then and closed his eyes once he'd gotten comfortable, draping an arm over his waist to keep him close. It wasn't exactly necessary, he didn't plan on going anywhere. Still, he wasn't about to complain; it was nice to tuck himself in against Gale and have the other man hold him close.
He smiled as he just watched Gale, taking in all of the little details about his face that he'd already long since memorised. His full lips, the tiny dimple in the corner of his mouth when he smiled, the faint smattering of freckles on his cheek. He really was gorgeous.
He still couldn't quite believe that this had happened. He'd been so angry with Gale earlier, even though he knew it was unwarranted. Actually, angry was probably the wrong word; he'd just been frustrated and jealous, and Gale had happened to be in the firing line. He wasn't actually angry with Gale, and so he was glad that he hadn't taken it personally.
"Hey." He whispered, putting his arm around Gale in return, "I'm sorry about all of that shit I said. I didn't mean any of it, it's just.." He trailed off with a sigh, shrugging his shoulders. He felt like he'd constantly been apologising to Gale in recent days, and he felt terrible for it.
"I know." Gale said softly, "We're all tired, and stressed, and pissed off. It's just this place."
He just nodded, because he knew that Gale was right. It was just this place. Before they'd been here, he was okay with quietly loving Gale from afar and knowing that nothing would ever come of it. Being here had made it so much harder to deal with, though, and like Gale had said; he was tired, and stressed, and pissed off.
"And I am happy for you and Marge." He insisted, "I know it maybe seemed like I wasn't, but I am."
He meant that. Gale was his best friend, and he was getting married, and so he genuinely couldn't be happier for him. He wouldn't try and get in the way of that, just because he wanted Gale to choose him instead. Maybe what had happened here tonight wouldn't continue on after the war, but he could live with watching Gale marry Marge, knowing that a tiny piece of Gale's heart belonged to him. He'd take what he could get.
"You are?" Gale asked, moving slightly closer.
He nodded, "Yeah, of course I am."
Gale just smiled at him, a tiny, soft thing that had his stomach fluttering, "Look, you don't have to be my best man if you don't want. I get it if it's too much."
"I'll be your best man." He insisted. He wasn't about to change his mind now, not when he'd already promised Gale that he'd do it.
Rather than saying anything, Gale simply leaned in to kiss him again. It felt so different than the kisses they'd shared outside, though. It felt sweeter, more tender, and it was barely anything more than the soft press of their mouths together. Honestly, if given the choice, he would have kissed Gale like this forever.
Once he'd pulled away from the kiss, he curled in close to Gale again, tucking his head in underneath Gale's chin. It was still pretty damn cold in the cabin, and like he'd said, the bunk absolutely wasn't anywhere near big enough for two, but none of that mattered to him right now. He was tucked in against Gale's chest, Gale's arms around him to hold him close, their legs tangled together further down the bunk.
Everything was still shit, this development didn't change that. They were still trapped, still cold, still eating scraps. Being here in Gale's arms just made it all a little bit easier to deal with, and so he wanted to hold onto this feeling for as long as he could.
"Y'know." He started, his face still tucked in against Gale's chest, "It's okay if this doesn't last after we get outta here. I'm not.. I mean, I won't kick up a fuss about it."
It would hurt. Of course it would, but he'd had this, and that could be enough for him. Knowing that his feelings towards Gale were reciprocated could be enough, even if he and Gale never shared another kiss after tonight.
"Why wouldn't it last?" Gale asked, his touch gentle as he stroked his fingers through his hair.
He just shrugged, glancing up at him, "You're getting married."
"Yeah, but.." Gale started, before sighing and shrugging his shoulders, "I love Marge, and I am going to marry her. But there's a part of me that's always loved you too, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to let that go now. We'll make it work."
At that, he leaned back just far enough to properly look at Gale, a frown crossing his face as he did, "You love me?"
"Of course I do." Gale insisted, gently stroking his thumb over his cheekbone as he cupped his cheek, "I've always loved you."
He almost didn't know what to say, and so he simply leaned up to kiss Gale again, hoping to convey everything that he didn't know how to put into words.
He really didn't know what to do with the idea of somebody loving him. He knew that people tended to like him, and that he was good at charming his way into people's good books, but love was a completely different story. Love was something that he hadn't really been on the receiving end of for a long time, and it was something that he'd desperately craved.
Hearing Gale whisper that he'd always loved him had almost brought him to tears, and it was just because it was something that he'd wanted so badly, but never thought he'd get to have.
"I love you too." He whispered against Gale's lips, before kissing him again.
The kiss was soft and sweet, but he knew that they were pushing their luck even doing this, with the rest of the guys still asleep in the bunks next to theirs, and so he pulled away from the kiss before he could let himself get carried away. As much as he would have liked to take this further, to roll over on top of Gale and just let themselves get lost in each other, he knew that that wasn't an option right now.
As they settled with their heads on the lumpy pillow, almost close enough to breathe the same air, Gale smiled as he leaned up to press a quick kiss to his forehead, "Try and get some sleep."
"Yeah, you too." He whispered, giving Gale a small smile, before finally closing his eyes.
Like he'd said before, there was nothing good about being here. He was cold, and exhausted, and hungry all of the time. He could feel his sanity starting to slip away from him with every day that passed, only made worse by the fact that there didn't seem to be an end in sight. God only knew how much longer they'd be stuck in here for.
Having this, though, having Gale pressed up against him in the narrow bunk; warm, and docile, and generous with his kisses, it felt like something worth fighting for. It felt like something worth living for.
He promised himself then that they'd make it through this. No matter what happened, once he and Gale were together, they'd be okay.