Work Text:
At one point, while he and Char are watching a movie on videotape, the video player breaks; it's a huge old box many years old, and it seems to have been considered trendy in the postwar years, which is why Shiba has it (of course). Chihiro rarely watches movies, he's not a big fan, but Char wants to watch a cartoon, so Chihiro thinks it's sacrilegious to refuse her. They tell Shiba that the player is broken, and he knows how it works, so he promises to fix it.
It's a long task, so Char goes off to explore their temporary place while Shiba works on the player. Chihiro sits on the couch, watching tiredly. His mind wants to do something useful, but his body protests, and with it, Shiba and Char are too. They demand that he should take at least a week's rest and argue that otherwise, Chihiro will become more tired. But for the time being, the information-gathering phase is in progress, and Shiba is doing a good job of it himself, so it's all right... But Chihiro's heart is still not in the right place.
As Shiba inserts the tape and plays it, to which the player responds, he suddenly clucks his tongue.
"You know, you remind me of something all of a sudden."
"What's that? Don't tell me there's porn on some tape."
Shiba immediately wrinkles his nose, offended.
"I keep my porn where you won't even find it! No, something else! You'll like it... I think."
He lurks around in the apartment and judging by the sounds he chats with Char while Chihiro wonders when he and Shiba have reached the point in their relationship where he can safely joke about his secret porn collection. He leans his head back as Shiba piles into the room again with one of the boxes they take with them every time they move; it seems to hold things old and dear to Shiba's heart, some sort of nostalgia box. He digs inside for a while, cursing under his breath, until he suddenly pulls out a small paper roll and hands it to Chihiro. The latter examines the thing critically.
It's quite light in weight. It's probably a cassette tape.
"I was going to edit something on it and give it to you ready, but my gut tells me I'll never be able to do it. It's something from your father."
Chihiro presses his lips to the dusty-smelling paper wrapping. A gift from his father? And Shiba keeps it, wanting to finish it, but doesn't have time... Makes him wonder what's in it. Memories are bitter on his tongue, and he looks up at his comrade cautiously.
"I hope it's not his porn stash."
"Chihiro, what are you talking about?!"
"It's a joke."
"A joke… Well, it's not a joke on the tape. We recorded it a long time ago, so don't be surprised that the quality sucks. And no, it's not..."
"I get it."
Although, knowing his father's personality, Chihiro wouldn't be surprised if it was something stupid. But he's yet to find out. He watches in silence as Shiba unpacks the tape, then uses a pencil to rewind it, complaining that he's watched it so often that he's afraid it'll jam, then claps Chihiro on the shoulder and promises to distract Char.
Shiba leaves him alone, and Chihiro silently slides the tape into the player. At first, nothing happens on the tape, just darkness and static, but then he hears Shiba's laughter and his voice:
"Take the cap off the camera, moron!"
"Damn it!"
When Chihiro hears his father's voice, it's like an electric jolt runs down his spine. Three years since he's heard him, three long years... He remembers so well everything he learned from him, but over time the image has begun to blur, the voice becomes forgotten, and the face in the memories pales, giving way to more common features, blurred spots. It's normal. It always happens. Only one photo survives from the house, and Chihiro looks at it occasionally, but it's so not enough. But the voice... On the tape, right there! It's as if his father were there, as if...
In the footage, the darkness finally fades and their old house appears. The footage shows Shiba in one of his weird-colored shirts, looking into the camera lens with an extremely unimpressed look, before touching his temple and sighing.
"It's true what they say, a man talented at one thing sucks at others."
"That saying goes a different way, hey!"
"Give me that," Shiba moves closer, and the only thing visible is the way the camera is tilted downward so that only legs are in the frame. "You'll have to cut all that out in the montage, or Chihiro will be disappointed in you."
"Come on, he knows I'm only good at forging."
"Don't give your son any more reasons to scold you!" Finally, the camera pans out and the house comes back into view. "Come on, get in the center of the frame. Geez, Kunishige, what's wrong with you? You used to perform in front of crowds at events properly, and now you're suddenly all dumb!"
The hand clenches tighter into a fist as his father appears in the frame. He hasn't changed at all since the last time they talked... No, it's absurd, it was recorded earlier. But he's still the same as Chihiro remembers him: with a carefree smile on his face, wearing a silly shirt with two bunnies on it, and slightly clumsy. He stomps around on the grass for a few minutes, as if trying to find a normal position, before glaring sullenly at Shiba and pointing a finger at the camera:
"It's different at events! This is where I have to be sincere, you know! Responsible assignment!"
"Kunishige, just act normal. Don't try to pretend you're something pretentious, you suck at it."
"Screw you!"
Shiba's laughter is heard.
Chihiro feels like turning off the video. Chihiro wants to rewatch it endlessly until the tape fades. He can't figure out what he's thinking as he watches his father goofing around on the video. Is he sad? Is he angry over something lost forever? But as his father smiles into the frame, something inside whimpers unpleasantly, and Chihiro just holds his breath. These shots make exactly no sense, but it still makes him happy to see them — and that's why he's grateful to Shiba for not editing the video.
He misses so much that bright domestic atmosphere when all he thought about was doing his homework and then going to the forge with his father.
Those times will never come back.
His father suddenly stands in a silly pose with his arm outstretched in front of him like the hero of some tokusatsu, then shouts:
"Chihiro! I'm recording this video for you to re-watch, and... No, wait, I don't like it. Let's do it again. Ahem. Chihiro-o-o-o-o-o! I'm making you a time capsule! If you're watching this video, it means Shiba remembered to tell you it exists! Or I did! And most likely, you're about to... Look, what's the best time frame to put it?"
"Let's make it twenty years," Shiba snorts.
"Uh-huh. So you're not much younger than me now. I hope you've made your old man happy with a bunch of grandkids for me to babysit because you're super serious and they need someone fun in their lives!"
"Kunishige, you can't start your speech by demanding grandchildren."
"Isn't that what people usually do?"
His father in the video awkwardly scratches his temple with his finger, then makes a wise face again.
"Anyway, it's been twenty years, and you'll appreciate how young and handsome I still am here! Hopefully, when you grow up, you'll be as good-looking as I am!"
"It's hard not to be prettier than a monkey," Shiba mutters in the background, and Chihiro thinks — yeah, that was probably supposed to be cut.
"Well, there you go! Anyway, I don't know how it's going, but if it's good, you'll laugh with me!" Father draws an arc in the air with his hand, then crosses his arms in the Ultraman pose, clearly deciding not to try to be serious anymore. "And if it's bad, you'll have fun! I don't think you'll have a bad time, though, because I'm here for you!"
How ironic those words sound now.
The camera suddenly starts to shake and pans to the grass, followed by Shiba's sudden hiss:
"Chihiro is coming! Hide!"
"Turn off the camera!"
The tape cuts out, but the next one is recorded on the same tape, apparently by Kunishige's hands, because it shows the old house, and how he wanders back and forth until he stops in front of a mirror, taking pictures of himself. His father makes a goofy face, then tries to do something to his hair, but is quickly distracted when he hears a noise coming from the kitchen. He hurries over there, and for the first time in a long time, Chihiro sees himself as a kid — he's probably about thirteen years old here, at most. He's standing at the sink... Ah yes, he seems to remember that moment. Back then, he had no idea why his father was playing with the camera.
Kunishige's voice sounds enthusiastic:
"Chihiro! Tell me how was your day!"
The other Chihiro gives his father an annoyed look on camera, and the thought crosses his mind that maybe he was wrong to be so hard on him all this time. But they were both trying to give each other the best, even if it came out in the fact that Chihiro was mostly scolding his father for leaving things around, and not cleaning up dishes... The way the old him tries to chase his father away from the sink as he attempts to film him brings a faint smile to Chihiro's face.
How good it was then then.
"Don't bother me right now."
"But I'm filming an important research project!"
"Like what?"
"How to wash dishes properly!" Father says proudly. The other Chihiro rolls his eyes.
"I can show you."
"It's boring!"
"You never wash them anyway."
"Oh, come on! You'll grow up soon, I have to take a picture of how small you are!"
The frame changes abruptly as the camera is placed on the table; on the video, Chihiro sees his father decide to stop the dishes completely and throw himself at the other Chihiro with a hug, which he responds to with an angry shriek but then resigns himself to hanging in his arms. Oh, right, that happened... Chihiro was a little angry then, but... Who would he be kidding? He always liked that kind of thing. His father loved him dearly.
It would be nice to go back in time. To feel that tight hug again.
Then the father turns off the camera. The next snippets are too short: a recording of cooking, the father's other grimace in front of the mirror, even Shiba gets caught in the camera's lens. A couple of times the father just takes pictures of cats outside while another Chihiro calls him over. Lots of little everyday moments. At one point the camera switches again to the other Chihiro trying to do his homework. Strange. Somehow he doesn't remember this one.
"Who do you want to be in the future?"
The other Chihiro frowns.
"Do you have to film this?"
"Come on, tell me! Make your old man happy!"
Oh, no, wait. He remembers that. Because it was so embarrassing.
The other Chihiro looks away and mumbles:
"I want to be a blacksmith like you."
"Really?"
"Stop it."
"You're cruel! But you still love your dad. Don't you?"
There's a sigh.
"I do."
"Chihiro! I love you too!"
That's right. Then the father starts hugging and drops the camera... That's what Chihiro sees — the image suddenly begins to shift, and then a muffled swearing is heard. So that's why his father was filming all this... Chihiro couldn't figure it out. It's so strange to look at that footage now, like a completely different life. Quiet, peaceful.
Unattainable.
The next part starts a few seconds later, and it seems to be back in the garden. The father is moving back and forth with his hands behind his back, looking worried, and judging by the camera shaking slightly, Shiba is holding it. Suddenly, the father stops and nods as if signaling and Shiba counts aloud:
"Three... Two... Go."
"So, uh, Chihiro. I've been thinking a lot about what I'd like to tell you... I mean, future you," Father rubs the back of his head awkwardly. "I'm not really good at making good speeches, no matter what that blond jerk says," As he says this, the camera shifts, and Shiba appears, waving his hand in greeting. "Put everything back in place!"
"I have to say hello to future Chihiro. Hi! Don't be like your pops!"
"Come on!"
When the camera restores the shot, his father rubs his chin thoughtfully, then his gaze takes on a rare seriousness that he had been trying to avoid all the time before.
"I don't know when you'll watch it. Maybe sooner, maybe when you're very old. Either way... I hope you don't come running to me waving this tape around and screaming about how it's total crap!" He laughs briefly but then turns serious again. "Actually, I'm serious. If you suddenly feel bad, don't worry. There is no ideal of virtue in the world. I'll be honest with you. I'm not the best person in the world. I'm sure you and I have talked about how the weapons I made during the war served not only for good but also for evil. Trophy swords still roam around the world and are used as instruments of death rather than salvation. I regret a lot of things... Like enchanted blades. But know this — you must never despair. The most important thing is what you have in your heart," He knocks his fist on his chest. "No matter what difficulties you may encounter because of my shadow on you, remember that you are you first and foremost, not a copy of me. There's nothing wrong with being disappointed in me, after all, I'm no saint... I just want to know that I will support you on whatever path you choose. Because I know you won't lose your way."
When he smiles, Chihiro clenches his teeth tighter. These words seem almost laughable now.
"I won't condemn you for your mistakes, because I've made plenty of them myself. But I know that redemption is possible. Even the worst person deserves a chance at forgiveness," Kunishige looked up to the sky and chewed his lip thoughtfully. "The main thing is to live an honest life, honest at least to yourself. And the rest... Well, that's the details. So there's only one thing you must remember. Do you hear that?! Chihiro!"
When his father smiles at the camera, Chihiro wants to look away. To hide, to turn off the video, to forget this moment, because that smile awakens all the worst inside him — the desire to swing the pendulum back, the longing to drop everything and just live a quiet life somewhere far away from the rest of the world. But how could he? The blades are still not gathered. His enemies are alive, and his father is not avenged.
But Chihiro does nothing — just stares harder into the so dear, but slowly fading from memory face of the most important man in his life.
"That I will always love you. Do you hear that?"
"Yes," Chihiro says. "I hear it."
When the tape cuts off and the room goes dark, he sits in silence for a long time, thinking about all that has been lost and that can never be regained. It's easy to run away from the problems, and easy to live in ignorance, but he can't afford that luxury. In the end, there is no choice but to move forward.
To seek redemption.
Then he leans over to the record player and presses the rewind button.