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‘So, dear, you know how I have been… ugh. Did you notice how I… no.’
Siri shook her head, letting out a slight groan as she let herself flop onto the bed. Rolling onto her side, she couldn't help but sigh the deepest sigh she had ever sighed before.
‘Oh, baby, at this rate, I won't be able to come up with something cute in time for your daddy to get home,’ she muttered, pressing a hand to the ever so subtle swelling of her belly.
Because oh, yes, Siri was pregnant. Completely, utterly, pregnant. It had only been three months since her wedding, and she and Gustav hadn’t been consciously trying for a child, but still, the Gods had blessed them with one.
And blessed she felt. Ever since getting confirmation on her condition from her fellow midwives, she hadn't been able to keep her hands off her abdomen. She couldn't help it; she enjoyed feeling the near unnoticeable bump underneath her palms, loved guessing where her little thing's head would be growing.
She had never thought being with child would come so soon after getting married, but in her excitement, she wouldn't have it any other way.
A soft hum escaped her lips, and as her fingertips slowly caressed her belly, Siri allowed herself to close her eyes in a moment of peace. ‘Little pumpkin, do you know how I should tell your daddy?’ she asked, her voice a mere whisper. ‘It needs to be as perfect as we can make it, so no pressure, none at all.’
She couldn't help but giggle to herself, a smile growing on her lips. Gently, she pushed herself up to sit on the bed. ‘You don't have to answer that, little thing, mama can figure it out herself… I think.’
After Siri had said that, she let her eyes scan her little bedroom. From the small mirror she used every morning to braid her hair, to the closet she and Gustav stored their freshly washed clothing in. Their extra pairs of fur-lined boots were carefully lined up underneath it, and her warm winter cape hung on one of the knobs.
The sight of it gave her an idea. Nearly jumping off the bed, Siri walked towards the closet, pulling out a closed basket and gently dusting it off.
‘Oh, pumpkin, we are so back in,’ she said, and as she dragged it back to her bed, her face beamed with absolute delight.
***
‘Seer? Babeee, where have you been today? I haven't seen you even once!’ Gustav closed the front door behind himself, glancing around his and Siri's little home. He had been having quite the strange day; aside from doing some left-over, low effort assignments in the forge, he had also scoured the entire village in search of his very lovely, but very nowhere-to-be-found wife.
Only a few people had seen her, and none of them had been able to give him an exact location for where she could be. Weird, Gustav had thought, because how hard could it be to lose track of a pretty blonde who seemed to be able to make him - and anyone else, he was convinced - feel so upbeat?
When he came home after his epic, but failed quest, he noticed the fireplace had been lit, though, which could only mean Siri had been home the entire time.
Even so, she wasn't responding to his calls, which made him only slightly nervous. ‘Seer? Hey, you around here somewhere?’
A stumble coming from upstairs nearly made Gustav jump out of his skin. A voice called out to him, hurried as could be. ‘I'm right here!!’
The next moment, Siri came rushing down the stairs, and her smile was wide as could be. She seemed so light in her tread, so excited. Before Gustav could even ask about it, she had already jumped into his arms, hugging him as tightly as she could.
‘Wow- what's wrong with you?’ Gustav laughed, stumbling in his step, but still, he couldn't help but wrap himself around her, couldn't help but take in the scent of her hair and the warmth of her embrace. By the Gods, he needed that after not having seen her since the morning.
Siri pulled away from him, and from close-up, her smile seemed even brighter. ‘I,’ she said, as she booped his nose with her finger, ‘have a surprise for you.’
‘A surprise?’ Gustav grinned, letting himself be pushed towards the couch by her. She sat him down, her movements bolder than they had been in a while. ‘What, did you find something cool at the market? It isn’t gonna be another broach, right-’
Siri kissed him, and while Gustav expected it was just to shut him up - she did that pretty often - he couldn't help but kiss back. And when she sat down in his lap, oh, he couldn't focus on anything anymore except on how she pressed herself up against him, how her fingers tangled up in his hair.
‘No,’ she giggled as she pulled back a little, ‘it's something so, so much better. Can you be quiet and close your eyes for me, please?’
‘You got it.’ Gustav closed his eyes, leaning back a bit as he heard Siri rustling with something. She shifted ever so slightly in his lap, which made his stomach whirl and made him have to force his hands to stay calm. After what seemed like an eternity to his impatient mind, his wife tapped his chest, her touch ever lingering.
‘Open up,’ she said, and her voice had suddenly gotten a lot softer, a lot more reserved. When Gustav opened his eyes, he noticed that the rest of her face matched this emotion as well; the small smile playing on her lips and glossy look in her eyes made that ever so clear.
He glanced down to her hands, her nimble, slightly scarred hands. Siri was holding up something for him, something soft and fluffy and a gentle purple. They were socks, quite obviously, but they were way too small to fit either of them.
A confused laugh left him as he picked up the little socks. They were handmade, knitted even, he noticed, with delicate stitches and a nearly unnoticeable yellow rim. Clearly, Siri had made them herself, and clearly, she had put a lot of love into them. Otherwise, they wouldn’t look as perfect as they did now.
‘And?’ she asked softly, as if meant to be heard by only her and him, her thumb drawing small circles on his chest. ‘What… what do you think…?’
Gustav frowned at her, before shrugging and leaning in to kiss her cheek. ‘Love that you thought of me, babe, but, um… they’re not exactly my size? I think you got some measurements wrong. Maybe we can give them to Lavender for her new baby instead?’
‘Oh, no, no, they're not for you to wear,’ Siri let out a small giggle, her cheeks flaring up with a soft blush. She seemed to think for a moment, the corners of her mouth curling up when she leaned in closer to him. ‘‘They're for a very special, much tinier someone to wear.’
‘If they're not for me, why are you giving them to me?’ Gustav asked, glancing back at the little socks. His eyebrows scrunched together. ‘What do I have to do with them? Am I not special enough to get handmade Siri-socks?’
Oh, the loving glance she gave him made him even more confused. She kissed him again, and again he could do nothing but kiss back. Her hand moved to take a hold of his, and as she leaned back a little, she brought them up, up, gently guiding them over her thigh to come to a rest on her belly.
Gustav suddenly realised she wasn’t wearing her usual tight belt. As she pressed his hand against her stomach, he could swear her body didn’t feel the same to the touch.
‘Think,’ she whispered, using her free hand to gently lift his head by the chin. ‘Your wife is giving you the tiniest little socks, and they're not for you nor her to use. They're for someone very special and tiny instead.’
A silence fell. The space between them was suddenly loaded.
Gustav felt like he couldn’t breathe anymore.
‘... you're pregnant,’ he finally brought out, and a sense of relief seemed to fall from her shoulders. She nodded, and as she wrapped her arm around him in the tightest hug she could muster, he couldn't help but feel an immense sense of dread, building in his abdomen.
Siri noticed it too - she must have felt him stiffen up - and she slowly backed away from him. For a moment, she just looked at his expression, puzzled, her mouth pulling in that strange expression she always wore when something wasn’t clicking in her mind. ‘You're not happy.’
It felt like a question, a terrible, terrible question. Gustav could only react by slowly, unsurely, untangling their fingers and taking his hand off her belly. She let it happen, somehow, her posture suddenly unsteady. She had to take a hold of his shoulder again, her grip almost digging in his skin.
‘Seer,’ he got out, her name coming out as natural as breathing. ‘Babe-’
‘I-I thought you would be excited,’ Siri whispered, her old stutter weaving its way through her words, as if coming back to haunt her. She brought up her hands - Gods, Gustav noticed they were shaking - using her fingers to tug her hair away from her face.
It didn't take long for tears to start brimming in her eyes, but she hastily wiped them away.
‘Sorry,’ was all Gustav could muster, ‘um, I… I'm just…’
He didn’t even know what he could say to her.
His mind was screaming, his stomach flipping. All he could feel was a growing sense of doom, pushing and pulling on his mind. It was telling him to push her away, run out of the house, get to Fanghook, and leave. Flee as far as possible to never be confronted with… this… thing, again.
Siri wouldn’t like it if he did that, though, so all he could do was stay seated, with her, his wife, the girl he was supposed to love more than anything else in this world. Right now, that felt like the hardest task ever.
‘No, no, don't apologise.’ Siri took a deep breath, and smiled again. Smiled. She even took his hand again, pressing the softest, gentlest kiss on his knuckles. ‘Tell me, love, why… why aren't you excited…?’
Gustav had to force himself to talk again. His voice came out stumbling. ‘I just don't… I don't think I want a kid…?’
The silence returned, and finally, finally, something other than kindness started to build on Siri’s face. A mix of confusion, of upset, and other emotions Gustav didn’t see on her often enough to identify them. She lowered their hands. ‘You… you don't want a child…?’
When she spoke those words, she started to cry again. This time, the tears seemed to roll over her reddened cheeks, her shoulders tensing as she looked at him.
‘T-then what are we going to do?’ she asked as she desperately gripped onto his collar. Her knuckles and fingers went white in her tight grip. ‘Gustav, I-I do want a baby, our baby… I didn’t think I could have them, but I want them, I want them so, so badly…’
She seemed to collapse against him, sobbing ever so desperately. After hesitating for a moment, Gustav wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her hair, his stomach whirling when she curled up in his hold.
He hadn't ever felt hesitant with her before. He had never hesitated to kiss her, to hold her, to declare her his, but this…
‘When- when did it happen?’ he asked, but he kind of knew the answer already. They hadn’t exactly been… careful, during their honeymoon, after all. He quietly cursed himself for it, but how should he have known?
‘W-when we were at Berserker Island, I think,’ Siri whispered. She raised her head again, and Gustav couldn’t help but look away from her trembling lip and tear-stricken cheeks. An upset chuckle left her. ‘It probably wasn’t long after we got married, b-but… but I’m not certain. They’re already starting to show a little bit, though, so… I think they’ll be here around summer.’
Gustav's throat released a squeaky noise at that news. ‘Around summer? But- but that’s way too soon- we have literally only been married for three months!’
‘It's not something I have control over, Gustav,’ Siri frowned, ‘and besides, you-’
‘Hey, no-one ever gave me an instruction manual on girls or babies, don't expect me to know that,’ he tried to deflect her, and the glare she gave him made him want to do nothing more than leave once again.
And if he were honest, he felt like he should leave, get away from her before she started to cry again. Just for a little flight around the island, he’d come back right after. Anything to not talk about that poor thing growing inside her anymore.
‘I’m going for a ride on Fanghook,’ he said, ‘do you think you’ll be okay without me? I’ll be back in a jiffy, no worries.’
Siri’s frown worsened and it felt like she was looking right through him. ‘Oh, no, we’re not done talking about this, Captain. This- this baby will not just go away-’
‘But the cool evening breeze will if I don't hurry up.’ Gustav got up, forcing Siri to stand as well, before kissing her cheek in a goodbye. That was the least he could do. ‘Love you, I’ll be back in a bit-’
‘Gustav, I'm serious,’ Siri said. She took a hold of his arm, moving herself between him and the door. ‘I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant, and you're running away from it, from me, for Odin knows why!’
‘I ain’t running away from you!’
‘I know you are. I know you.’
Gustav couldn't help but scoff lightly. ‘Babe, you- I can't. I get you wanna talk about that-’ He gestured towards her belly, and his nervousness shot through the roof at the realisation that he had really gotten her pregnant. That they would become parents during the next summer. ‘But I can't! I can't do that! I'm, like, the worst person to be a dad. I thought you knew that!’
‘You don't know that,’ Siri argued, reaching out for his hand. For once, Gustav didn't want to take it, so he pulled his own hand away. Siri glanced up at him, her eyes once again brimming with tears. ‘You can't know that. You’ll be a good dad, I am so certain. Please, just… just give it a chance. I promise, we’ll be-’
‘I can’t, okay!’ Gustav snapped. Something in his chest stung; they had never, ever argued like this before. They had squabbled, sure, but they had never argued. He had never snapped at her, she had never gotten on his nerves like that. She had never backed away from him, either, but now she was. She wrapped her arms around herself, turning away from his gaze.
‘Seer,’ he tried, but she shook her head. ‘Go find that evening breeze. I’m going to bed. Don’t even think about touching me when you get back.’ She took a deep breath. ‘That’s what got us in this mess in the first place, after all.’
‘Fine, but don’t even count on Fanghook sleeping in bed with us, I’m gonna personally tell him to not be your little heater tonight,’ Gustav argued back, before stomping over to the door. He threw on his coat, his eyebrows still knitted together in his anger.
He contemplated saying more, anything, but it wasn’t worth it. Instead, he walked through the door, and slammed it close as hard as he could possibly manage. The sobs he could hear coming from his wife inside the house after he did so, made him secretly want to do nothing more but turn around and comfort her, but what good would it do? He had already screwed up, after all. She had already screwed up.
Maybe he should just stay away for the night. Maybe he should beg to crash at Snotlout’s, he would obviously be on his side in this, but the thought of telling the other man he had knocked up Siri was terrifying.
What had she been expecting? That he would smile as happily as she had done, just before kissing her belly and chatting to their unborn baby? Oh, no, no, she couldn’t expect that of him. Maybe if it had happened much later in their marriage, like, ten years down the line, but now?
No. No way.
Gustav shook his head to get the thought out of his mind, trotting towards Fanghook in the stable attached to their little home. The Monstrous Nightmare perked up, but he cocked his head to the side when he noticed his rider’s expression. A confused warble left him as he pressed his snout against Gustav’s shoulder.
‘We’re leaving,’ he told the dragon, casting another glance at the house. The vague sounds of crying seemed to pierce through his ears, going straight down to his heart. ‘For as long as possible.’
Fanghook growled softly in question as Gustav climbed into the saddle - he shook his head, patting the dragon’s horns and hooking his heels in the stirrups. They took off, leaving the sleeping village and Siri’s sobs behind.
It was for the best, leaving her for now.
Gustav’s heart started to ache as he and Fanghook flew away from New Berk, though.
***
Thump, thump, thump.
Siri’s foot kept involuntarily tapping the floor, again, and again, and again. Her gaze fixated on the door, she tried to keep her breathing well-paced, forced herself to not think the worst.
Gustav hadn’t returned home from his evening flight. When she had woken up after a restless, tumultuous night full of tossing and turning, the other side of the bed had been cold and empty. Siri remembered reaching out in her tired state, trying to feel if maybe, maybe, he was just wrapped up underneath the blankets, instead of being out of the house.
She had walked downstairs, still in her nightclothes, shivering in the cold of Berkian winter mornings. After having put on a quilt, she had even stuck her head outside to check if maybe Gustav had stayed with Fanghook in the stables for the night. Her heart had dropped when she realised the Monstrous Nightmare was gone as well.
Maybe he wasn’t even planning on coming home anymore.
The thought alone made her feel like throwing up.
Siri forced herself to heat some water for a cup of tea to get it out of her mind. The wooden floor creaked underneath her feet as she walked around the house, but even so, it was way too quiet, way too restless. Normally, her mornings were spent in cheerful chatter, in loving embraces. She would braid her hair, he would tell her about his strange dreams, before having breakfast together in preparation for their day.
She didn’t even feel like eating now. If she were honest, she didn’t even think she could manage drinking her tea.
How was it possible for things to have gone this astray? Had she been wrong, telling Gustav about their baby so excitedly? Had he been wrong, reacting so strangely to news they should be happy about? By the Gods, she had thought he would be happy for them. She had hoped he’d kiss her, tell her how great starting a family together would be.
Well, apparently she had been wrong. Her husband didn’t want anything to do with the little wonder growing inside her, the wonder they created together. What had he expected? For them to remain without children for years, for her to miraculously never get pregnant? If he really thought that, if he genuinely believed that, he was more of a fool than she knew him to be.
Siri took a deep breath, wrapping her quilt tighter around her body. The high walls made her feel small and lonely, the cold managing its way through her skin, to her bones. The only thing even slightly warming her, was the little thing inside her belly. She pressed her hand to it, gently moving her thumb over it.
‘I’m sorry you had to hear all of that last night, pumpkin,’ she whispered, ‘but he’ll come around, I’m sure. Your daddy is just a bit… a bit fickle. A bit of a drifter. I don’t mind it, usually, but…’
But what? She didn’t want to tell the little thing she was angry at their daddy, how upset she was with his reaction. It just… didn’t feel fair. Most couples had their first child within a year or two of marriage, some even sooner. Sure, it was a bit early, but it was also wonderful, a mere miracle.
And besides… there was no going back now, no matter how hard Gustav would try to run away from it. It would always catch up to him, to her, to their relationship.
Something thudded loudly outside. Siri couldn’t help but perk up when she heard Fanghook’s familiar roar, her heart in her throat when footsteps made their way to the house. Before she knew it, before she could even stand up, the door opened ever so slightly, and Gustav, his hair tousled, his gaze wary, peeked inside.
They locked eyes for just a moment, but that was enough for all Siri’s prideful feelings from the night before to disappear. Gods, she had missed that man. She needed his warmth back against her.
Her voice didn’t want to work when Gustav got inside. He yawned, more quiet than he had ever been as he threw his crumbled jacket onto one of the chairs. Glancing up at her, a slight snort left him. ‘You look terrible, babe.’
It should have offended her, she knew that. Even so, she managed a smile. It was hard not to do so when he had leaves in his hair and a twig stuck in his tunic. ‘So do you. Did you fall out of a tree?’
Gustav shrugged, leaning his hands on the table and stretching out his neck. ‘Nope, we crashed into a tree. Or a few. I didn’t keep count.’
‘Hm, so much for my talented Captain,’ Siri teased, getting up from her seat to walk up to him. Somehow, the distance from last night had disappeared; she couldn’t help reaching out to pick one of the leaves from his hair. She held it in her hand for a moment, before sticking it in her own hair.
‘So,’ she said, ‘now we’re making a fashion statement. That might save you from getting weird looks.’
Gustav grinned, but his expression soon turned sour. He glanced down to Siri’s belly, up to her eyes, and down again. His voice came out softer than she had expected. ‘You’re still pregnant, aren’t you?’
‘I am.’ Siri hesitated for a moment. Still, she reached out for his hand, gently intertwining their fingers, just as she had always done. ‘Are… are you okay?’
‘Yeah. No. A little?’ Gustav let out a groan, averting his eyes. ‘Look, I just… I get you want this, okay? You’ve always been so… caring to the village kids and I’m sure you’ll be a good mom, but I’m also pretty sure I’ll be a terrible dad!’
Siri took a deep breath. Still, she squeezed his hand, and he tightened his hold on hers. ‘Why do you think that, love? You’re a good brother to your siblings, after all. And the village kids really like you.’
‘Yeah, but…’ Gustav shook his head, pulling his hand away from his wife’s. He glanced towards the door again, to Siri’s horror. ‘You wouldn’t understand, Seer. You didn’t grow up like me, after all.’
‘Than talk to me. Make me understand.’
Even more hesitation. Siri moved herself between him and the door again. ‘Gustav, I’m your wife, remember? You can tell me.’
‘Do…’ Gustav gulped something down. He started fiddling with the wedding band on his finger, turning it up, and down, up again, and down. ‘Do you remember mom sold me? When I was, what, twelve?’
Siri nodded. Slowly, but surely, something started clicking inside her mind.
‘Well. What if, just saying, I’ll become just like her? You would hate me if that happened.’
Oh. That was the problem. Siri reached out, gently cupping his cheek in her free hand. Her thumb grazed the dark bags underneath his eye, and for a moment, they stayed quiet. Bringing up their intertwined fingers, Siri pressed a gentle kiss to his knuckles, just like she had done the evening before. ‘Gustav, are you more scared of becoming a bad father or of me hating you?’
Gustav shrugged. ‘I don’t know. Both, probably. And I guess the idea of you hating me isn’t really great, either.’ He chuckled dryly. ‘And, y’know, running away has always made people hate me less, so I thought… but you probably wanted me to stay, right?’
‘I would’ve preferred that, yeah,’ Siri said, before taking a deep breath. ‘I missed you. Gods, you don’t know how horrible it was waking up and realising you hadn’t come home.’
‘Sorry.’ Gustav leaned in, and pressed a kiss against her lips. ‘But believe me, me and Fanghook didn’t have a great time sleeping in the forest either. He was mad at me because he couldn’t snuggle with you because of me.’
‘Oh, how horrible,’ Siri chuckled, before pulling him back in for another kiss, suddenly desperate to feel him against her. She wasn’t certain if it was because she had missed him, or because of the strange cravings her pregnancy seemed to give her. When he deepened their kiss, his hands on her hips, she was certain it was a combination of the two.
‘You better not leave again,’ Siri whispered when they parted, her breathing a bit harsh. She rested her hands on his chest, a soft smile playing on her lips. ‘I don’t know what I’d do without your kisses.’
‘Yeah, I know, I’m great at kissing you,’ Gustav grinned, ‘I might just be the best kisser in the archipelago.’
Siri couldn’t help but laugh. ‘Well, if so, I think you should prove it to me.’
‘You sure of that? I mean, last time you asked me to prove something to you, we got in trouble for scaring off the fish from Bucket and Mulch’s fishing nets. Do you really want a repeat of that? I was on stall-duty for a month!’ Gustav shuddered. ‘And all you had to do was wash the baby dragons!’
‘Hm, I don’t think you’ll get in trouble for kissing your wife, though,’ Siri said, ‘and besides, I think you owe me another kiss after what you put me through last night.’
‘And I think you owe me for being so pushy about that thing in your belly,’ Gustav countered. Siri wanted to protest - she hadn’t been pushy, she was quite certain of that, and their child wasn’t a thing - but before she could say anything, he kissed her again.
And while she kissed back, his touch suddenly didn’t feel as important anymore. She glanced up at him, something in her stomach whirling when she looked into those devious green-ish eyes. ‘You… you’re okay with our baby, right?’
Gustav leaned back, his eyes once again shifting to the door. Then, he sighed, kissing her forehead. ‘Yeah. Are we good, now?’
It didn’t sound honest, but what could she do about it? Argue again, just when they had seemed to reconnect? Force him to tell her the truth, even though he clearly didn’t want to right now?
No, no. She wouldn’t. If he were ready, he’d come to her.
She just had to trust him. Still, somewhere, she knew the man she married couldn’t always be trusted. She had seen his lies too many times to count, but she had never thought he would one day try to deceive her.
‘We are,’ Siri said, and she let him kiss her again, let him touch her again.
That was what had gotten them in this mess in the first place, after all.