Work Text:
You are KANAYA MARYAM, and you are handling this all markedly well, as far as you’re concerned.
When Karkat invited you to this holiday party that his boyfriend’s friend was hosting at his house (goodness, that is a lot of he’s), you were looking forward to it. The idea seemed like good fun, why not?
This however...
You had never realized the amount of chaos a mere house party could reach.
*Everyone* came.
You turn to one side of the house, and see John running every which way in panic.
JOHN: nepeta, i thought i told you to quit that!
NEPETA: :33 < oh, my apawlogies john! your couch is just so comfy i cant help but want to sink my claws into it
JOHN: wait, do you even HAVE claws? how are you...
EQUIUS: D --> I may have broken another cherished ceramic
JOHN: argh!
JOHN: that one was my nanna’s. :(
JOHN: jeez, you people are all insane!
TEREZI: F3F3R1 STOP 34T1NG 4LL TH3 SHR1MP >:[
FEFERI: O)(! )(e)(e)(e, sorry! They’re so tasty, I got carried away! 38O~
JOHN: there should be more in the fridge, i’ll go check- ARADIA PUT THAT DOWN!
JOHN: that’s my grandmother’s URN!
ARADIA: oh i know! dont worry i will be very careful with it :)
JOHN: what, no! put it down!!!
JANE: Here John, I’ll handle it. You focus on refreshing the snacks!
JOHN: oh, right! thanks.
You look to a corner, where Jade is attempting to bring some of your more sulky friends out of their shells.
ERIDAN: (oh god wwhy did she havve to be here)
TAVROS: (wHY DID SHE HAVE TO BE HERE, }:( )
JADE: come on you two, lighten up!!! this is supposed to be a fun gathering of friends :|
JADE: lets all try to get along!!
TAVROS: i THINK THAT, iM GOOD HERE WHERE ITS COMFORTABLE AND SAFE, aND uH
TAVROS: nOT NEAR VRISKA IN THE SLIGHTEST,
ERIDAN: seconded but about that fishybitch instead
JADE: yeesh!!!
To the other side of the room now, completing your sweep of the area, is a half decorated coniferous tree, in keeping with human Christmas traditions. For the safety of everyone’s sense sponges, you all agreed to forego the 12th Perigee’s Eve traditional behemoth leaving decoration practice.
There, most everyone else is gathered.
SOLLUX: kk ii thiink iit’2 a lo2t cau2e.
SOLLUX: there ii2 no way you can reach up there.
DAVE: yeah dude there aint no shame in giving up especially when the thing youre trying is literally physically impossible
KARKAT: SHUT THE FUCK UP, BOTH OF YOU! I CAN DO THIS.
KARKAT: WHERE’S THE STOOL? OK, THERE IT IS, HERE.
KARKAT: VRISKA STOP SHAKING THE STOOL WHILE I’M ON IT WHAT THE *FUCK*!?
VRISKA: Ahahahahahahahaha! Your expression is PRICELESS!
SOLLUX: yo gamzee, get off your bumfuck 2toned 2hiita22 and help kk before he 2nap2 hii2 neck.
GAMZEE: wHaT?
GAMZEE: mOtHeRfUcK, sOrRy BrO, i WaS sO cAuGhT uP iN oN gAzInG tHeSe BeAuTiFuL lIgHtS tHe FuCk Up WiTh My ViSiOn SpHeReS I dIdN’t CaTcH tHaT.
SOLLUX: jegu2 chrii2t, nevermiind.
DAVE: hahaha holy shit man here let me hang that ornament instead
KARKAT: NO, I CAN DO THIS.
KARKAT: IF VRISKA WOULD *STOP FUCKING WITH THE STOOL*- HOLY SHIT I’M GOING TO FALL I’M GOING TO DIE FUCK AAAAAGHGHGHGH!
VRISKA: Hahahaha, wow, you’re pathetic!
DAVE: hey yo vriska
DAVE: lay off on the stool shaking its not cool
VRISKA: Whaaat? It’s undenia8ly hilarious.
DAVE: ok it was a little funny
KARKAT: DAVE! NOT HELPING!
DAVE: fuck wow im failing at this whiteknighting shit sorry kat
DAVE: ok vriska cut it out you could genuinely hurt him
VRISKA: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Hands are off!
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK, SINCE WHEN DO YOU LISTEN TO HIM?
VRISKA: It’s not a8out listening, Karkat. It’s a8out choosing your 8attles. :::)
DAVE: thats not ominous at all
KARKAT: OK, I’M... I’M DONE WITH THE STOOL I THINK. DAVE, YOU HANG UP THE STUPID ORNAMENT.
KARKAT: I THINK VRISKA PERMANENTLY SCARRED ME.
VRISKA: Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
DAVE: hahaha ok man go chill by the punch bowl
KARKAT: I WILL, BUT NOT BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME TO.
You turn your head away as Karkat approaches. What, staring? Who’s staring? Of course, it’s obvious to anyone with half a brain that you were intently watching the whole exchange.
Karkat grabs a plastic cup and spoons punch into it.
KANAYA: Hello Karkat
KARKAT: ENJOY MY HUMILIATION, BEING AT THE MERCY OF SERKET’S INABILITY TO LET ANYTHING HAPPEN *WITHOUT* THOROUGHLY FUCKING IT UP?
KANAYA: Oh It Wasnt So Bad
KARKAT: REALLY? *REALLY*?
KANAYA: Dear Me I Must Take A Lengthy Sip Of Punch And At What A Convenient Time To Avoid This Question
KARKAT: *SIGH*.
KARKAT: WHAT ARE YOU DOING STANDING OVER HERE ALL BY YOURSELF ANYWAY?
KANAYA: You Know
KANAYA: Taking In The Scenery And All
KANAYA: Its A Bit Overwhelming Here If Im Honest
KARKAT: YOU SAID IT.
KARKAT: I CAN’T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I’VE BEEN IN A HIVE FULL OF *THIS* MANY PEOPLE AT ONCE.
KARKAT: PROBABLY NEVER.
KARKAT: AND APPARENTLY WE’RE GETTING *MORE* PEOPLE COMING
KARKAT: DAVE’S SIBLINGS ALL WENT TO PICK UP JOHN’S OLDER BROTHER FROM THE AIRPORT, SO THEY’RE ARRIVING HERE SOON TOO.
KANAYA: Oh God
KANAYA: Yeah I Might Leave This Party Early
KARKAT: I CAN’T BLAME YOU AT ALL. IF I WASN’T CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED TO BE HERE ON THE BASIS THAT DAVE’S HERE, AND THAT I KIND OF HELPED SET UP THIS SHITTY THING, I WOULD BE HOME IN BED ALREADY.
KANAYA: Really
KANAYA: You Looked To Be Having Fun
KARKAT: I’M FUCKING EXHAUSTED, BUT DAVE MAKES IT EASIER.
KANAYA: Aw That Is Actually Really Cute
KARKAT: OH, FUCK OFF.
The doorbell rings. John and Jane both make a start to open it, but Dave beats them both.
DAVE: took you guys long enough fucking finally
ROXY: lmao yeah there was a shit ton of traffic on the way here
ROXY: but we made it B)
DIRK: Hey.
Dave and the older man who you haven’t met yet, you assume his older brother Dirk based on what you’ve heard of the guy, fistbump.
DIRK: Holy shit, that’s a lot of trolls.
ROXY: daveys super popular!!!
DAVE: what the fuck no dont pull that embarrassingly proud mom schtick now
DAVE: its just going to be taken at face value and be genuinely embarrassing rather than ironically embarrassing
DAVE: no most of them are karkats friends
The dark-haired man who bears a striking resemblance to John whoops. You presume that must be Jake.
JAKE: Great gadzooks this place is an antsville!
JOHN: hey, bro! how was the pacific?
JANE: I do hope you brought souvenirs, Jake.
JADE: jake, welcome back!!! :D
As lovely and heartwarming as the family reunion is, the rest of their conversation cuts off completely for you, as someone else has grabbed your attention.
She looks about your age, maybe a little older. Short white-blonde hair adorned with a headband, purple eyes which are nonchalantly calculating, and lips painted solid black. Your eyes follow her involuntarily, as she takes off her purple coat and scarf and hangs them up.
DAVE: hey rose you should help us finish decorating the tree
DAVE: karkat bailed on us and we need all hands on deck for this
ROSE: Alright I suppose, since the situation sounds dire.
DAVE: you dont even know rose were on a clock here
DAVE: gotta get this tree decorated as fast as possible or else were fired from like
DAVE: being santas little helpers or some shit i dunno fuck im running out of dope metaphors
DAVE: thats how insanely critical this tree mission is rose
ROSE: How catastrophic.
Rose, you remember hearing about a Rose. She was Dave’s other sister, from what you remember. You’ve never met her though, unlike Roxy who you’ve met once before.
You didn’t notice until now that you had built an image of sorts of her subconsciously. You were picturing a hybrid of Dave and Roxy, infused with an uppity aura of sorts. You weren’t expecting... You don’t know what it is that you didn’t expect, as she fits the bill somewhat. You still weirdly feel as though your worldview has been shaken up in a way though. The way it feels when a long held assumption about how the universe as a whole operates gets debunked, and you’re sat there wondering if you knew anything at all.
KANAYA: Have You Met Rose Before Karkat
KARKAT: WHAT?
KARKAT: YEAH, A COUPLE TIMES, WHY?
KANAYA: What Is She Like
KARKAT: KIND OF INSCRUTABLE AND ALLERGIC TO SINCERITY.
KARKAT: SHE’S A BIT LIKE DAVE IN THAT RESPECT, BUT MORE...
KANAYA: Elegant?
KARKAT: SNIDE.
KARKAT: KANAYA.
KARKAT: KANAYA.
KANAYA: Yes What Is It Karkat I Am Within Range
KARKAT: RED OR BLACK?
KANAYA: What A Preposterous Question
KANAYA: I Have No Idea What You Are On About
KARKAT: I’VE SEEN ENOUGH ROMCOMS TO HAVE THIS SHIT DOWN TO A SCIENCE.
KARKAT: I CAN SMELL ROMANTIC TENSION FROM A FUCKING MILE AWAY, YOUR FOOLISH ATTEMPTS TO PLAY DUMB WON’T WORK ON ME.
KANAYA: I Still Do Not Understand Why You Know So Much About This Stuff From Media Alone
KARKAT: CALL IT A REALLY SHITTY SUPERPOWER, I GUESS.
KARKAT: NOW, RED OR BLACK.
KANAYA: Do We Have To Dive Into This Now
KANAYA: At A Crowded Party
KANAYA: Where Anyone Can Hear
KARKAT: SURE.
KANAYA: And Not Only That I Do Not Even Know Her
KANAYA: Her Presence Simply
KANAYA: Surprised Me In A Way
KARKAT: OK, WE DON’T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT IN DETAIL
KARKAT: AND I’M NOT SAYING THAT LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT IS A THING, BECAUSE FUCK IF I’VE EVER EXPERIENCED IT, BUT I THINK ATTRACTION AT FIRST SIGHT DEFINITELY IS.
KARKAT: I’VE NOTICED THIS WITH A LOT OF PEOPLE, AND NOT JUST IN MOVIES
KARKAT: SOMETIMES THERE’S THIS ALMOST IMPERCEPTIBLE CONNECTION BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE THAT JUST SORT OF... APPEARS
KARKAT: THEY BECOME MAGNETIZED TOWARDS ONE ANOTHER, EVEN IF THEY’VE NEVER EXCHANGED A WORD.
KARKAT: IT’S NOT JUST SOME HOPELESS ROMANTIC BOVINE EXCREMENT EITHER, I’VE SEEN IT WITH FRIENDSHIPS TOO.
KARKAT: I’VE THEORIZED IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH DISPOSITION AND APPEARANCE. PEOPLE KNOW WHO THEY LIKE, SO THEY’LL NATURALLY BE DRAWN TO THOSE SORTS OF PEOPLE.
KARKAT: IT’S ONE OF THOSE FUNNY QUIRKS OF BEING A PART OF SUCH A SOCIAL SPECIES, WHETHER YOU’RE TROLL OR HUMAN.
KANAYA: That Is
KANAYA: Surprisingly Perceptive Karkat
KARKAT: THANK YOU, NOW GO TALK TO ROSE.
KANAYA: Urgh
KANAYA: Its Not That I Dont Want To But The Thought Of Doing So Is Viscerally Horrifying
KANAYA: I Think Im Content Here Off To The Side
KANAYA: Where It Is Comfortable And Safe And Not Near Her In The Slightest
Karkat makes a face at you.
KARKAT: JEGUS FUCK, YOU SOUND LIKE TAVROS.
KANAYA: I Know
KANAYA: Spontaneous Socializing Is Not My Forte Alright
KARKAT: I DON’T THINK IT’S ANYONE’S FORTE THOUGH.
KARKAT: PEOPLE WHO *ACTUALLY* DON’T GIVE ANY SHITS ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK TEND TO BE RAVING ASSHOLES, LIKE VRISKA.
KARKAT: AND EVEN THEN I’M PRETTY SURE SHE DOES CARE, SHE JUST BURIES IT UNDER HER KILOMETER THICK “I’M HOT SHIT” FACADE.
KANAYA: I Believe Her Bitchiness Comes From Said Facade Rather Than Her Confidence In Socializing
KARKAT: THE FACADE GOES HAND-IN-HAND WITH THE CONFIDENCE, YOU CAN’T SEPARATE THOSE TWO.
KARKAT: MAYBE I’VE JUST NEVER MET A SECURE PERSON IN MY 19 YEARS OF LIVING, BUT I’M 90% SURE THAT PEOPLE ENTIRELY FREE OF SOCIAL ANXIETY DON’T EXIST, AND WHEN THEY DO THEY’RE JUST PLAIN DICKS.
KANAYA: While I Disagree I Can Appreciate The Sentiment Here
KANAYA: Thanks Karkat For Trying To Ease My Nerves
KARKAT: HEY, ANYTIME. YOU’VE LISTENED TO MY OVERACTIVE TALKBLASTER RUN ON FOR HOURS ON END ABOUT MY OWN PETTY PROBLEMS, IT’S THE LEAST I CAN DO.
KARKAT: IS IT ACTUALLY HELPING AT ALL, BY ANY CHANCE?
KANAYA: Karkat Your Words Mean A Great Deal To Me
KANAYA: But Unfortunately The Prospect Of Initiating Conversation With Daves Intriguing Sister Still Brings Up A Sensation Of Nausea Verging On The Regurgitative
KARKAT: OK YEAH, TAKE YOUR TIME WITH THE IDEA THEN.
KARKAT: OH GODDAMNIT, DAVE WHAT THE *FUCK* ARE YOU DOING??
You glance over to see a zonked out Gamzee getting his horns thoroughly decorated by Dave. You turn away and cover your mouth.
KARKAT: HANG ON, I NEED TO STOP THIS SHITSHOW BEFORE IT BEGINS.
KARKAT: WHY DID *I* HAVE TO BE CURSED WITH SUCH A HIGH MAINTENANCE MATESPRIT?
KARKAT: HE’S CONSTANTLY DOING THE MOST *IDIOTIC BULLSHIT* THAT I HAVE TO PULL HIM, KICKING AND SCREAMING, OUT OF!
KANAYA: Do You Really Have The Time For A Self Pity Session
KARKAT: SHIT, RIGHT, OK
Karkat hurries over to stop Dave.
KARKAT: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU, **DON’T FUCK WITH THE CLOWN**!
KARKAT: FUCKING WITH THE CLOWN IS EXACTLY HOW WE GET THE *INCIDENT* IN 2010 WHICH WE DO NOT SPEAK OF!
KARKAT: YOU DO *NOT* WANT THE *INCIDENT* TO HAPPEN AGAIN! THE *INCIDENT* WAS AN UTTER FUCKING HORROR VAUDEVILLE NIGHTMARE OF A TRAINWRECK WHICH WE *NEVER* WANT TO REPEAT.
You figure Karkat has the verbal drubbing under control, and take another sip of punch. Perhaps you should just leave now, while it’s not too terribly late.
You are devising your plan of egress when you recognize someone next to you, startlingly close by, serving herself a cup of punch.
KANAYA: Oh
KANAYA: Rose
You cover your mouth; her name slipped out without you thinking. She turns, her shrewd gaze trained directly on you.
ROSE: Do I know you?
KANAYA: Um
KANAYA: Well No But I Do Know Of You And Dave Mentioned Your Name A Bit Ago Which I Overheard
ROSE: You’ve taken quite a fervid interest in my identity, then.
ROSE: Or have you always had a penchant for people watching?
KANAYA: Regarding The Latter Yes Somewhat
ROSE: I don’t mean this in an accusatory sense, I’m simply curious.
ROSE: You must be a friend of Karkat’s, aren’t you?
KANAYA: Yes I Am
ROSE: This would be a stellar moment to introduce myself, but seeing as my name is a foregone conclusion, how about you seize the opportunity to tell me yours instead?
KANAYA: That Would Be Sensible
KANAYA: Im Kanaya
ROSE: Kanaya.
She says this carefully, as though testing out the syllables on her lips.
KANAYA: Yes
ROSE: That’s a lovely name, Kanaya.
KANAYA: The Feeling Of Appreciation For Names And Their Aesthetic Merits Is Mutual
KANAYA: Rose Is Lovely Name As Well
You toss your empty cup into the small bin beneath the table. Rose pivots, now facing the general expanse of the room, taking a sip from her cup. A red solo cup. You recall Karkat mentioning Dave’s strange fixation with what brand of plastic cup to supply the party with. Something about “MAXIMIZING IRONIC VALUE, WHATEVER THE FUCK *THAT* MEANS.”
You realize you are paraphrasing someone’s paraphrasing of another’s odd statements and decide to end the game of telephone here.
Rose gives you a sidelong glance.
ROSE: You never did deny those allegations of interest in my identity. Am I to take that as tacit confirmation?
KANAYA: I Wont Deny Ive Found You Intriguing In A Way
She smirks, which makes you feel as though you’ve lost somehow.
ROSE: How forward. I was expecting at least some denial.
KANAYA: Normally I Wouldnt Be So Candid But I Get The Distinct Feeling That One Of Us Must Shoulder The Burden Of Sincerity Within This Interaction
KANAYA: And It Seemed Obvious I Would Be That Person
ROSE: And how are you so sure that I’m not up to the task?
ROSE: I feel I’ve been very open thus far.
KANAYA: Somehow I Dont Believe That
ROSE: That’s rather presumptuous of you.
ROSE: You say these things as though you know the ins and outs of my inner psyche, yet we’ve barely spoken for more than 15 minutes.
KANAYA: Call It Intuition Combined With Passing Familiarity Of Your Brothers Mannerisms
ROSE: Are we truly that similar?
KANAYA: Human Familial Resemblance Is A Powerful Thing
ROSE: Does the same not go for trolls?
ROSE: While lacking structures such as parenthood and siblinghood, I would assume that your guardians would bear similarities to you.
ROSE: At least in superficial disposition, as it goes for humans.
KANAYA: It Depends
KANAYA: Often We Are Taken In By Guardians Who Share The Greatest Amount Of Genetic Similarity But That Varies From Person To Person
KANAYA: Like In Percentage Of Shared Genes
KANAYA: Id Compare Our Guardians To A Human Aunt Or Uncle
KANAYA: A Similar Disposition Yet Played Out Long Before Us In A Very Different Manner
KANAYA: Im Not Sure If What I Said Made Much Sense Anyhow
ROSE: I think I get it.
ROSE: They’re simultaneously a parental and fraternal force in your lives.
ROSE: Like if a sibling of mine were taken from this moment, transported back in time, and then put into the position of raising me.
ROSE: They’d share fragments which resemble myself, as is natural for siblings, yet be far more greatly matured due to experiencing that brief chronicle of sisterhood, coupled with the fresh responsibilities of child rearing.
KANAYA: That Is
KANAYA: Pretty Much It Yeah Wow
ROSE: I’m glad to be of service.
ROSE: Do you have Pesterchum by any chance?
KANAYA: No But I Do Use An Offshoot Of It
ROSE: Excellent, here.
Rose sets down her cup. She takes out a pen from out of nowhere, uncaps it, hands it to you, and then holds out her wrist.
She grabs your pen-equipped hand and holds it to her skin. It takes a moment for you to register what happened, but you figure it out; you scrawl your handle on her wrist.
She looks pleased. You hand the pen back to her, holding out your own wrist; she returns the favor with her own handle.
She takes back the pen.
KANAYA: I Couldve Been Left Handed And That Wouldve Gone Much Less Smoothly
ROSE: Very lucky guess on my part.
And then, Dave appears completely out of left field, tapping Rose on the shoulder.
DAVE: ay yo rose karkats screamed himself out now and the trees decorated so were starting cookies
ROSE: Alright, I’ll be there.
KANAYA: I Believe Im Heading Out Early Now Anyway
ROSE: Really? That’s too bad.
ROSE: I’ll see you around then, Kanaya.
KANAYA: Yes I Will See You Later Too Then
DAVE: hot damn the sexual tension here is thick enough to choke an elephant
Rose gives a quick glare to Dave, which makes you laugh. That’s probably the most genuine expression you’ve seen on her face so far.
KANAYA: Goodbye To You Too Dave
DAVE: yeah cya
As you gather your things, giving a few short goodbyes on your way out, you look down to your arm. In the heat of the moment, you didn’t actually read what it was Rose wrote there, and now that you’re of a clearer mind, curiosity compels you.
“tentacleTherapist”...
You’re not sure what you were expecting.