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If Nicole had to name one thing that was bothering her the most, it was everything.
That sounded pretty fucking stupid, she knew.
But it was the only way she could describe how she felt right now. Nothing made her not want to gag and stuff a pile of percocets and whatever the fuck she could find in her mothers drug pantry down her throat. It was all just too much. Her mom, her brother, her house, her school, and all of those stupid idiots that went there acting like they were normal when they knew they fucking weren’t. If it wasn’t some nerd or jock trying to plow her before prom night, it was a teacher attempting the same thing only with somehow less tact. Either that or it was the principal yelling at her for the 18th plus time about not accidently let setting fire to the trash cans with cigarette butts or some other shit that wasn’t her fault. Weren’t those trash cans metal for a reason?
Ugggghh. She turned over in her bed. She couldn’t fall asleep. Nothing new. There were too many things keeping her up at night. Nicole thought about maybe getting some of those sleeping pills from the cabinet, but her mom actually kept track of those so that wasn’t an issue unless she wanted to have a screaming contest with her, which kinda defeated the purpose of the pills in the first place.
Cutting wasn’t going to cut it (hahahaha, fucking kill me), it helped her feel distracted just enough usually to doze off for a few hours. However there were two problems:
One: She was out of bandages. Even the fucking sesame band aids for kids or whatever. She could use her bed sheets, but that made it harder to hide from her mom and again it reminded Nicole of why she was a bitch.
The second problem was one lying next to her: Jecka. Nicole shifted over to her other side and stared at the stupid blonde who had the galls to have fallen asleep several hours like a functioning human being.
Ok she wasn’t stupid but it made Nicole feel a little better describing her in her mind like that. She knew Jecka was in all the AP classes and doing all that fancy college application applying shit so she could become a rich doctor or something. The only thing she was really lacking was social awareness sometimes, like how it took her an entire year to figure out how shit LHS was or when Nicole had to stick to her like glue when that whole White Pride debacle was going on. God, the way Jecka trusted people sometimes was so easy it was scary. How the fuck did she function before they met?
Oh yea, she was probably smoking less and actually making real friends before Nicole came in and ruined her life. There wasn’t a day between them that wasn’t either them ditching school, stealing shit at the mall, smoking, or doing enough drugs to make an elephant collapse.
Nicole tried to stop thinking about how terrible of a person she was and tried getting out from her bed. Sadly for her, Jecka had fallen asleep holding her like her favorite 5 foot tall teddy bear. Nicole didn’t have a way to move through her arms and legs without upsetting the sleeping blonde, so she continued to wait while staying disgruntled and embarrassed. Hopefully Jecka would just move in her sleep and turn around or something so that she could actually leave and either cut herself or get more percs in her system. Either one was a less embarrassing option than being stuck in the most one-sided spooning position this side of North Virginia.
She could feel Jecka’s hands waving around unconsciously as one fell in place on the back of her own hand and the other one on her left thigh. God, she could feel shivers go down from her legs to her neck as Jecka started shifting closer. The warmth of her breathing was unavoidable at this range.
Dammit. Nicole would say that she was trying to fight it, but deep down her stupid tiny heart she knew she really wasn’t. She could have just woken up the bitch and fucked off, but she couldn’t do that. Not to Jecka. Not after all the shit she made her go through. She didn’t like thinking about it, but she really did fuck up her life even if it was unintentional. God, why did someone like her have to end up with Nicole?
Jecka was basically perfect, from her golden locks of hair that never looked bad, her soft tanned skin that never felt clampy or cold no matter what time of day it was, and that stupidly toned figure she kept up with healthy eating and working out (things Nicole never touched). She felt all three right now as they covered her. Held her. Kept her together more than anything that should have. It wasn’t like her mom or anything else in life cared enough to hug Nicole like this.
Ok, that’s enough depressing shit to think about.
Nicole started to try and sneakily slide her body away from Jecka’s, which was pretty hard without realizing that she couldn’t see shit in the pitch dark. Oh yea, maybe she could open the blinds a tiny bit and get a bit of moonlight in. It was natural light, maybe she wouldn’t notice. Nicole maneuvered her arm and after a while finally got it free and twisted that little stick to open it a bit and - FUCK WHY WAS THE MOON SO GODDAMN BRIGHT?!
She panicked as she twisted the stick to the other side as fast as she could. But as faith would have it, it gave Nicole the big middle finger and the blinds now seemed to be stuck. Of course, fuck her life. Just like everything else.
A few seconds passed as Nicole was expecting the bright white light to wake Jecka up. Then a minute. Then another. Damn, Jecka was a heavy-ass sleeper. She never really noticed before, but it made sense since she somehow slept through all of the yelling her mom and brother did on other nights when he was being more of a degenerate than usual.
Nicole mentally sighed, not thanking god for this miracle because like hell He was merciful enough to make this happen for her. Ok, now she just had to turn around from looking at the wall and move around Jecka without -
Fuck. She saw them. Before Nicole could mosey on over without alerting her, she saw Jecka’s stupid face. Her stupid golden hair. Her stupidly round ears that were fuzzy and squishy to the touch. Her stupidly long eyelashes. Her stupid plush lips.
Her stupidly plushy red lips.
It was over. Nicole had become incapacitated in whatever stupid feelings that had taken over her. Her body had already stopped listening to her brain, although to be fair her brain was barely functioning as it was right now. She just stared at Jecka’s face like it was the Mona Lisa of faces. She knew she was hot, but it was more than that. Why was she gay-panicking over the same face she’s seen basically everyday after enrolling in the hellscape otherwise known as LHS? She’s seen the same face do a bunch of things already. Laugh. Cry. Get angry. Be pissed. Smile. Look worried…
Honestly, that was the face that got Nicole most of the time. Nothing phased her, but when Jecka started furrowing her eyebrows down, bit her lips ever so slightly, and get that fucking look in her eyes that seemed like she was looking at a crippled puppy it was pretty much over for Nicole. She could try to argue back or leave, but those eyes would haunt her until she did whatever she thought Jecka expected from her so that she would stop. Apologize, convince her she wasn’t going to hang herself in the locker room, whatever it took. Then afterwards, Jecka would lift her frown into that damn smile that probably convinced a thousand guys that she was worth going for. She was, but fuck those horny dickbags, they didn’t deserve her. No one at this school or any idiot in this state did.
As she was stunned in Jecka’s sight-less gaze, she noticed the blonde had moved in her sleep and had both of her arms wrapped around her chest. Her head was now over Nicole’s, both of their necks crossing over like, well, a cross. She was using the other side of the pillow and part of Nicole’s hair as a resting place for hers.
This was the moment when Nicole realized she was now fully stuck. Both physically and mentally.
But the feeling wasn’t bad. It felt warm where she could feel Jecka’s skin touch her own, which was cold and hardly as smooth. Jecka snuggled closer into Nicole’s thin frame, making it feel less small and vulnerable now that Jecka was covering her and in between. Their arms were now linked as Nicole finally decided to embrace the situation and hug her back as well as she could.
Hugging someone wasn’t something that Nicole was used to yet without retching from the thought, but she was willing to endure it with Jecka.
As long as it was Jecka, she could endure a lot. Maybe even staying alive a little longer.