Work Text:
When Morgan left, when they decided to change sides, Chad went through several different stages of grief. Anger first; depression next. It didn’t happen in order. Some days he bargained with an invisible stranger who never answered the prayers of man, women, or children. Other days he forced himself through the sea of feelings threatening to drown him at any second. Other days he deluded himself into the possibility that Morgan was just being controlled by the S-Tier, on those days he sought his big brother out; to be his rescuer. It only made him angry, though, and the pains Chad felt from when Morgan left surfaced.
When his and his siblings powers came in, his parents said Morgan would be his sidekick. He was excited about it. Morgan thought it was because he wanted to show how much better he was than his brother, but that wasn’t true. Despite how hard Chad tried, he couldn’t tell Morgan otherwise. Of course that wasn’t true, but for so long he had been forced into a path controlled by his parents. Expected to say yes when he desperately wanted to say no. Chad had become a person he no longer recognized when he looked in the mirror. A shell of his former self, a puppet with actions determined by his parents. From the time his powers came in, he’d been molded into the ‘perfect’ hero, and yet, now he remained unknown to himself; engulfed in overwhelming silence. Forced by fear to never deviate from their path that they set for him, becoming unrecognizable.
He could hear himself speaking words, searching for the right words to say to his big brother but he could never find them, his sentences remained incomplete. Every time he tried to explain how he felt, Morgan only thought he was trying to force them back into being his sidekick when that was the furthest thing from the truth. All Chad wanted was to be held again by the person who use to care so deeply about him. His childhood drug behind him like a corpse, attached to his own heart; threatening to rip it out.
He never accepted another sidekick when Morgan left; fearing that he would forget the person who raised him, who doted on him as a child; telling him he could achieve anything he wanted. Cooking for him and his sister, tucking him in at night and promising to keep him safe from the monsters and villains. Holding him after he woke from nightmares where his big brother died. Reading bedtime stories, helping him with homework. There was so much Morgan did for him. So much Chad wanted to convey to them only for the words to get stuck and come out completely wrong; come out as words he never wanted to say.
For all that Morgan was smart, he never noticed the pleading in Chads eyes; begging him to hear the silent scream of help.
When he was sixteen, he achieved something great; a feat not many could accomplish, yet he did. All with the help of Morgan; with his big brother. He was so caught up in the whirlwind of praises, he didn’t notice they were leaving Morgan out. Chad wonders if this is when Morgan’s affection for him turned into bitterness.
He never understood why Morgan would ever want to be a villain though. He knew Morgan was happy, but he didn’t understand it. He didn’t understand when Morgan would say the heroes were the bad guys, that villains are nothing but products of heroes' actions. He had unrefutable proof of that!
That is, he thought he did. Up until that day, where he stood on the ground of an aftermath of a fight watching at the heroes that he fought along side with chain up the villain who yelled to them that they were indescribable monsters under masks and capes. Chad felt irritation build up at the villains' words, they were saving people! They were, until they realized the heroes he fought with; their sidekicks were either dead or gravely injured. Chad tried to help them but as he began to jog over to one of the still living sidekick, who was pale and breathing shallowly, he was called back to the heroes. He told them, or at least tried to, that some of the sidekicks were alive. Their reply? ‘They’re all either dead or are waist deep in the grave. Leave them, they’re not important.’
Chad was in pure shock, the villain snorted looking directly at Chad. Telling him to see the truth of heroes. Nothing more than heartless killers; uncaring for their own or for others. For once, Chad understood his brother. In that instant, he saw the truth. The truth of heroism, the truth of all the heroes, the truth of their own parents. How badly they damaged Morgan to force him to comply with their whims, how he himself, didn’t see the silent screaming and pleading Morgan directed at him; too focused on trying to get Morgan to hear his own.
Chad left them, reluctantly, after a threat of probation from one of the A-Tiers. As Chad followed behind the others, he started thinking about the villain currently in their hold. How the villain themselves were just barely a B-Tier. He wondered why they’d send two A-Tiers, a B-Tier and a C-Tier to fight just one barely B-Tier villain. It wasn’t until later that week, when he finally managed to get a file, that had been scrubbed from databases but was still archived, on this villain, did he learn the truth.
They were the ex-wife of one of the A-Tiers that fought next to him. She was carried to the hospital where they diagnosed her with spontaneous abortion of a 7-month-old fetus. A miscarriage. She had documented bruising on her body, a couple of broken bones, and burns on the shape of hands; her husband was a fire power hero. She claimed he killed the baby in a fit of rage because she wouldn’t do as he wanted her to, wouldn’t let him have sex with her. Chads mind felt disconnected from his body as he kept reading the documents he found.
…juries not self inflicted as husband claims…
…tient in fear when husband present…
…miscarriage was not spontaneous…
…skin graft…
There were so many things, so much condensed into this, that it made Chads head spin. There were other happenings as well. The reported who tried to get this information out died in a sudden, unexpected explosion in his building. Said explosion also killed dozens of other innocent lives in the complex he lived in.
The lawyer on her divorce case, once won, burned to death in a car accident. Car catching fire and first responders being ‘strangely late.’
Rage boiled in Chads gut, but so did despair. So did understanding. So did his desperation to want to call his big brother and tell him that he understands now, he understands what Morgan meant, he understands it all now.
But he couldn’t speak when he did call. He couldn’t say the words he so desperately wanted to, only saying the engrained slogan he always did.
“Morgan! It’s me! Chad! Your brother!” Morgan, per usual, told him to screw off. Despite the tears that ran down his cheeks, his voice remained steady. No signs of distress. Repeating the same script over and over again as if he was controlled by an outside force. Morgan hung up, blocking him likely, and Chad deflated with a sob ripping out of him.
He wanted to be held again. He wanted to run to the only parent he ever truly had and have him tell him things are okay, that he forgives him. Chad knows that will only ever be a fantasy; permanently stuck here in a never-ending hell with no hope of ever getting out. Every piece of Morgan remained engrained on his skin, etched so deeply into his soul he had no hope of scraping him out.
Chad had betrayed and destroyed himself for nothing, his parents lied to him about heroes; seduced by their words to walk a path he didn’t truly want to walk, at least not anymore. For far too long he was fed fairytales, deluded into believing that he was doing good, but was he really? How many had he killed during a fight with a villain that he completely ignored, too focused on the villain? How many victims of abuse had he locked away without hearing their side of the story? How many? He would never know, and that knowledge ate at him like starving piranhas. It burrowed so deeply in him, the aching anguish that would plague him until death, rotting away his heart and soul until he is a husk of nothingness.
Tears fall freely into his lap, his mind remaining stuck on all his wrongs, all the times he inadvertently or purposely ignored his big brother to keep himself in a state of delusion where he and his brother get to have adventures with each other, like the pretend ones they use to have when Chad was younger, before their powers alienated them from one another.
A sob ripped from Chads throat, and then another, and soon he was wailing, screaming, begging, pleading. For the first time since Morgan left, he understood. Truly understood. Understood Morgan’s reasonings, understood what he meant by saying heroes were the real villains. When had he stopped listening to Morgan? Morgan was always someone who could see a problem and expose it. Morgan always had the right answers. Morgan always knew how to fix anything in the world, Morgan, Morgan, Morgan…
Chad wanted to go home, but home wasn’t a place; it was a person. A person who no longer wanted him to come back. Home was Morgan’s arms cradling him when he skinned his knee after falling off a bike. Home was Morgan sleeping next to him when he was afraid to sleep alone for no reason. Home was Morgan bringing him his forgotten lunch even though Morgan was suppose to be in his own class. Home was Morgan, and Morgan no longer wanted Chad to come home, no longer wanted Chad.
Chads wails turned into begging cries to the empty room of his house, finally able to plead to Morgan that he only ever wanted Morgan to be proud of him. That he only ever wanted to fight along side Morgan. That all he wanted now was for Morgan to tell him he was okay, that the crushing weight on him was a sign that he wasn’t an emotionless robot like he felt he was. That he was alive, and his own person. A person with free will.
Morgan would never be able to hear his pleading, body and mind to conditioned to never show weakness, not even to the person who has seen him at his weakest.
I want to go home! I want to go back! I want you to love me again…
Please Morgan, please hear me through the fake words.
It hurts, it all hurts so much. I need you. Please!
I feel like I can’t breathe, it’s crushing me!
Please Morgan, I’m sorry! I’m sorry!
Please Morgan, rescue me…
☹☹☹☽⛤☾♱⁺. ⋆˙✧⋆꒷꒦꒷⋆✧˙⋆⊹.♱☽⛤☾☹☹☹
Morgan will never hear the plead of their former, brother- no, son.
Morgan will never know the suffering of his brother-son.
Morgan will never hear the screams of agony.
Morgan will never hold him again.