Chapter Text
I woke up to my alarm blaring next to my head, it's 5 am and if I want to make it back to the dorms without getting caught or worse questioned by my members I have to leave now. Although the temptation to just fuck it and go back to sleep was very strong, I knew I couldn't give in or it's game over (that is a little dramatic). I threw the covers off my body, and made my way out of the room which I have made myself quite familiar with. I made my way downstairs and there he was, in all his beautiful six pack glory and god did he look good in the 'soon to rise sun but not quite there yet' lighting.
"Oh Sunoo-ah your awake, do you want breakfast?" the first question was more of a statement, and after this many nights together the second one probably was too, but nevertheless, "No thanks hyung just coffee would be good". While responding to him, I took a seat on one of the chairs surrounding the dinning table in his living room, and just as I sat down Changkyun hyung handed me a cup of coffee he and I both know I desperately need. Funnily enough liking coffee was only thing in common we have, except for being friends with benefits of course. Even though we are fwb, hyung is the one I go to rant to, the one who listens to all my problems, he doesn't try to give me a bullshit solution to get me off his back he just listens, and every once in a while he'll get angry on my behalf (which feels really validating)
While I was lost in thoughts I didn't realize that hyung had already taken a seat in front of me until he slid me his plate of breakfast over offering me a piece of toast, "At least eat this, I promise it won't mess with whatever unhealthy diet you're on this time" "Oh! thanks hyung, and it's not unhealthy", he gave me a look but either ways I flashed him a smile. He pretended to cover his eyes because of how 'bright' my smile is (it is he just doesn't know it) making me roll my eyes.
Another thing I love about this hyung is that there are no rules on how to act between us so even when we do eventually stop this arrangement we will never stop being really good friends mainly because he doesn't undermine my problems or force me to be 'healthier' I know he still tries subtly (it works) but he doesn't make me feel like a problem like a burden. Like clockwork he started talking about the most stupid theories with me interjecting them and telling them that they're stupid, todays theory was about how maybe we are just a book and not real people that someone else is writing this scenario that didn't actually occur in real life, like really hyung sure (Fourth wall who?).
We talked about this nonsense for a whole 30 minutes and as much as I pretend that I'm annoyed by his 'theories' they really do make my day, sometimes our conversations are so absurd that I start smiling thinking about them in the middle of the day and I'm sure I look crazy. "Oh hyung I think we should leave now, I wanna get back to the dorms before the others wake up and maybe I could even get an extra hour of sleep" "Aww are you that desperate to leave me" "Hyung I think your being a little dramatic right now, I'll see you again tonight after all" "I know I'm just joking Sunoo-ah, c'mon grab your stuff and I'll drop you off". I grabbed my duffel bag with all my things in it and headed out and into hyung's car (yes for this fic he will have a car whether or not he actually drives).
As he starts driving I roll my windows down and it should be fine because not only is it 5:30 in the morning we are both also wearing masks and I'm perfectly covered with the hood of my hoodie as well. Hyung puts on whatever is playing at the radio at this ungodly hour, it's not that long of a drive from his apartment to the dorm especially since the roads are practically empty maybe a 15 minute ride 20-25 on a busy day. "When are you gonna tell your members about the arrangement we have going on?" I pretend like I didn't hear him but this far into our friendship/relationship he knows me too well which is a drastic change from when we first met.
I still remember that I day, it was pretty late into the night and for some reason at 2 am in the morning I just could not fall asleep even though I was tired the entire day so I did what any sane person would do and decided to go on a walk. Alone, because I'm not famous or anything. I had slid out of bed quite literally because as much as I couldn't sleep it was still very cozy, I had walked over to the closet and quietly opened it not wanting to wake anyone up and went to the bathroom and changed my clothes. As I was walking out I saw Heesung hyungs room still had the lights on meaning he was probably awake playing video games or something, I had to walk by his room since it was the nearest to the door as I was walking by I remember hearing some voices which sounded like Jake hyung and Heesung hyung so I assumed they were together, I silently maneuvered my way to the door grabbing my keys and making sure I have my phone and earphones on me, after I was out the door I soundlessly closed the door releasing a breath I didn't know I was holding. I decided to just walk with no clear destination in mind, putting in my earphones I started walking wondering where I would end up.
I admired the serene atmosphere, this far into the night or in fact this early into the morning it was very quiet but not in a creepy way more of in a peaceful way you could still see a few cars driving by, some college students coming back from a night out and I wonder about what it would be like if I were just a regular college student, would I be famous? not trying to be narcissistic but, I probably would have been after all I was very well known in school. While walking mindlessly I came across a convenience store so the only logical thing I could do was to go in and get something to eat, all that walking made me feel hungry and as I much I have been trying to suppress my hunger I'll feel bad about ditching my self assigned diet in the morning. I walked into the store went straight to the drink section, I had to be mindful to not grab anything caffeinated so I grabbed a strawberry milk, and then went around the store until I found what I was looking for I walked towards the food and grabbed a tuna onigiri as well as a kimchi gimbap sadly none of the 1+1 deals were interesting, I went to the counter to pay for all of it.
The cashier greeted me again and I reciprocated the greeting, I put all of my stuff on the counter so she could scan everything and a chocolate bar a mint choco one at that caught my eye and also ended up on the counter. I paid for my snacks and left the store, or tried to but right as I stepped out of the store I slammed into a wall but of course that didn't make a lot of sense because why would anyone put a wall right outside a convenience stores entrance, I ricochet back and glanced up at a person not a wall who was also looking at me and to my great surprise it was I.M or Changkyun sunbaenim from Monsta X and if it weren't for his mask falling off I wouldn't have recognized him as he starts apologizing I get nudged out of my trance, and immediately apologies started spurting out of my mouth. "Oh my god! I am so sorry, this is my fault I was not watching where I was going, sorry sunbaenim!" "Sunbaenim?" "Ah! yes I'm Kim Seon Woo from Enhyphen" I thanked God for not making me seem like a fool by stuttering.
"Oh yeah your that group that competed on I-land right? I remember watching it, I was so glad when you were chosen as the producer's pick I was rooting for you the entire time." OH MY GOD he knows who I am? Me? I feel like this is a bizarre dream, and just to make sure it wasn't I not so discreetly pinched myself in FRONT of this guy who looks like God's favorite because have you seen him. I snapped out of whatever daze I was in when I heard him snort probably at my ridiculousness, I could heat creep onto my cheeks, this is so embarrassing why would I do that he's literally right there.
"Do you live close by here?" "Our dorms are pretty close by" "You must really like this convenience store to be out here at almost 3 a.m.". That led to me to laughing sheepishly "Not really I kind of just stumbled upon it and realized I'm a little hungry" "Then if you can wait for a bit would you like to eat snacks together?". Ok there is no way that this is not a dream although my dreams are never this elaborate "Yes of course, I would love that I'll just wait out here for you" "Ok I won't be long" I nodded my head in confirmation and went to sit onto one of the chairs that were placed outside as sunbaenim entered the store, and while waiting I pulled out my phone to distract myself from my heart wanting to burst out of my chest because it's not everyday you meet one of the people that you looked up to while growing up, and yes they did not debut too long ago but they are still one of the legendary groups.
Soon sunbaenim walked out of the store so I got up and walked towards him "Sorry did I keep you waiting long" "No not at all, do you have a place in mind sunbae?" "Call me hyung sunbae makes me feel old, and yeah there is a really nice park nearby with a beautiful lake and looks really pretty in moonlight, would that be ok" "Haha ok and that sounds perfect". After reaching the park we both took a seat on the grass and observed the scenery around us "Wow the stars are so clear right now" "Yeah that's another reason I love coming here, but onto a different topic why are you here at 3 a.m. in the morning?" "I just couldn't sleep, I'm not stressed or anything I just have insomnia and after taking so many sleeping pills they don't really work on me" "That sounds a little concerning" "It probably is but I have completely stopped taking them if that makes you feel better" after the mini trivia we both sat in silence for a bit and it's not as awkward as I thought it was going to be if anything it's more of a comfortable silence then I have even experienced with some of my members.
"Sunb- Hyung if you don't mind me asking why are you here at 3 a.m.?" "I'm also an insomniac but I also love the view here and this early into the morning is the perfect time to come so I don't get recognized" I nodded my head along to what he was saying, that makes sense. We sat there and talked for a bit more until I checked my phone and realized that everyone was going to start waking up in 4 and a half hours and by the time I get home I'll only have like four hours to sleep "Ah, sorry hyung but I have to go now the group has to wake up in like four hours and I have to walk back" "Oh I can give you a ride" I rose my eyebrow questioningly which led to him laughing "It's parked near the convenience store I wouldn't wanna bring it directly to the park" "That's nice of you hyung but I don't want to be an inconvenience" "No way am I letting you walk back this far into the night" he grabbed my arm and dragged me along with him, throwing the trash that I didn't even realize he had away as we were leaving.
We walked back to the convenience store and walked like half a block up and stopped by a black Mercedes, he unlocked the car and we both got in, "Makes sense" "What does?" "The fact that you have such a nice car, you're rich" That led to him laughing and reaching over to ruffle my hair "Your cute" I looked away not wanting him to see my visibly red face. He starts the car and starts pulling out onto the road and I tell him the direction to the dorms and before i know it we're already there. Right as I step out of the car I hear hyung calling me, and also I am getting way too comfortable calling him that "Sunoo-ah do you wanna exchange numbers and Kakaotalk?" "O-of course hyung, yeah I'd really like that" right after we exchanged contact information hyung pulled onto the road and as he was leaving I waved to him, after he was out of sight I released a sigh, like did that really just happen?
I made my way into the dorm trying to be as quiet as I can be, and I don't hear any hushed whispers or giggling meaning Jake hyung and Heesung hyung are probably asleep by now so I softly walk towards the bathroom and change into the clothes that I'm gonna sleep in, and it might be a little desperate of me but I couldn't help sending Changkyun hyung a 'hello hyung this is Sunoo from Enhyphen' before I entered the shared room, but thankfully that didn't last long because I immediately got a response 'Oh thank god, I thought I might have scared you off and you would never text me', that made me snort because could you imagine a guy who has practically everything sweating in case he scared you off? I can.
I quickly react to his chat with a laughing face and wish him a goodnight, and slowly walk into the room that I share with three other members trying to be as stealthy as possible which the giddiness of making a new friend a well known one at did not help but somehow I managed to put my phone aside and lay down in bed, and let the tiredness take over, which eventually led me to sleep.
I smiled thinking about that memory, what's kind of funny is that we kept seeing each other at the same store every time I couldn't sleep and maybe on some occasions I went to that convenience store at that specific time. "What are you smiling about" "Hyung eyes on the road please, I don't wanna die getting caught in a scandal" "Sunoo we're at a red light how could I not stare at your pretty face?" "Oh my god your so cringe, but to answer your question I was thinking about when we first met", there was a beat of silence "Awwwww you're so sentimental" that's when I realized I made a mistake "Whatever just take me home" he started cracking up because he loves seeing me in misery. A few more minutes of driving and we were in front of the dorms, we sat in silence for a bit before I picked my duffel bag "Thanks for the ride hyung" "Of course Sol".
Sol, a nickname he gave me, I don't even know why he gave it to me or where it's from "I mean it hyung, I know you go out of your way to always wake up early for me and I'll try to tell the members before it blows up in my face", he nodded clearly happy with my decision and as he drove off I waved to him a habit that never really seemed to go away along with me waiting until he was out of sight, I walked back into the dorm and very quietly shuffled into the shared room put my duffel bag under the bed and passed out right as my head hit the pillow.
Right as I woke up I knew it was going to be a long day because feel like I had a pillow fight the night before and the pillows were stuffed with rocks (in simpler words he has a headache). I groaned thinking about the busy schedule we had today, meaning I had to silently suffer the entire day. Can't wait. My alarm went off again, meaning I had to get out of bed now otherwise I would make everyone late but for some reason I just can't in fact I don't want to either, the thought of getting out of bed makes my head pound even more so I close my eyes for a little bit and without realizing I fell asleep. Thank god for my backup alarm, or else I really would have made everyone late and given them another reason to be upset with me.
I quickly sit up in my bed because I don't want to accidentally fall asleep again, I throw the covers that were already half on the ground off of me and planted my feet on the ground, since when had the ground felt this cold? ... I better not be getting sick, I am way too busy to afford to be sick right now. Right as I stood up Jungwon walked into the room "Hyung your the last to get ready we're leaving in an hour and the bathroom is free if you were wanting to use it" this is his polite way of saying hurry tf up and get ready or your gonna make us all late, "Ok Jungwon-ah I'll go get ready now".
Dragging myself to the bathroom felt ten times harder than it should especially because our room is the closest to the bathroom, my legs felt heavy but like jelly at the same time like how is that even possible. I enter the bathroom and it takes me a lot longer to actually convince myself to get ready and even longer to do the actual process due to the sluggishness that I feel. Regardless standing under the shower with the warm water hitting my back did bring slight relief. By the time I got out of the bathroom we only had 10 minutes until we had to leave, meaning I'll have to survive off of a few energy bars that I packed because I had no time for breakfast. I scrolled on my phone for a bit talking to some engenes, and reading their tweets and by then we had to leave so I grabbed my little bag with all my essentials (mainly energy bars) and left. The car ride was uneventful, all the other members sitting in their self designated pairs Jay with Sunghoon, Heesung with Jake, and Jungwon with Ni-Ki so that leave me all alone like always but nothing new there, after two months of this you get pretty used to it in fact it doesn't even hurt that much anymore. At least I had my music to keep me company, who needs people when you have music.
I mentally prepared myself for the busy schedule we have ahead, first we have a photo-shoot scheduled, then we go over our concept and other details regarding the next comeback and album, and finally after that we have to attend dance practice. It is going to be a long day. Before I knew it the car had stopped in front of the company, everyone collected their things and started getting out of the car, I was the last to get out all the members were already inside by the time I got out, I let out a sigh and started walking in. We were quickly ushered into the dressing rooms where we put on our outfits and the makeup noonas started doing our hair and makeup again I was the last one to get done with everything, which I don't really mind because it gave me plenty of time to actually grab something from the cafeteria even if it was just a smoothie at least it was filling.
After everything was done we got into positions for the shoots, for the first few shots all the members were together with me sitting in the center, Jake hyung standing on my right side body tilted that way too, Jay hyung standing to my left with his arm on the chair just behind head and his body tilted inwards, all the other members were standing behind the chair with a bit of distance between all of them staring right at the camera, for the other shots I was paired up with Heesung hyung and Jake hyung. I was standing in the middle for the first shot tilting my neck a little backwards and Jake hyung was to my left his head tilted between my neck looking at the camera, and Heesung hyung was on my left and as directed by the director he took my wrist with his left hand and placed it near his cheek.
"Woah Sunoo-shi your expression right now is perfect keep up the good work!", this comment by the director made my cheeks heat up a bit "Oh thank you director-nim, it's all because your the one directing us", "Ahh you're too humble" even though I am pretty used to being complimented it still never fails to make me flustered when a senior or an authority figure does it. Since we were the first ones to go for the first group shots we were also the first ones to go for our individuals and once that was out the way I could finally relax and just be on my phone for an hour and a half. From my peripheral I could see Heesung hyung and Jake hyung play flirting with each other and since no one was looking at me I rolled my eyes "Why'd you roll your eyes hyung?" oops. It was Riki who caught me because of course who else could it be he is basically the only one who seems to give a fuck about me anyways "Nothing Riki-ah just saw something on my phone, wait are you already sone with your shoot?" "Yeah my individual shoot is done too, just the hyungs are left". I made an o with my mouth indicating that I got it. "Oh hyung wanna play a phone game with me?" "Sure but I'm probably gonna lose" "Yeah I know" "Yah!". This maknae I swear to god, but he gets me smiling anyways.
Regardless Ni-ki pulled up this game on his phone that I am not familiar with, even though I play a lot of games I'm not exactly good at them but you didn't hear that from me. We both moved on to the couch and he handed me his phone so I could start playing, then he sat down next to me by leaning into me, putting his head on my shoulder, and putting his arm around my waist observing how I play or in fact how I don't. "Ah! I died ... I told you I wasn't good at these games" "It's okay hyung practice makes perfect, now stop, pouting" I didn't even realize I was pouting but I've been told I tend to do that a lot. "Aigoo our hyungie is upset" "Yah stop pinching my cheeks and let me focus" "On losing?" "Rude ..." I trailed off getting a little too focused on the game in hand, a little to focused to notice the looks that the HeeJake duo were giving me. After I lost again I turned to where NI-ki was sitting I saw him already looking at me with such an intense stare I had to look away, I cleared my throat to not let my delusions get the best of me because the look he gave me is not the look you give to someone who you consider just your friend but I'm obviously just reading into it (no you're just dense).
"Ok everyone ready to go?' it was our manager meaning we were moving on to the next appointment which was going over the details of our next comeback, thankfully we were already at the company meaning we might be able to squeeze in another break if we get done earlier than expected. We walked in and sat around the tables, Ni-ki sat next to me and took my hand in his and although I don't love skinship when Ni-ki does it, it feels normal in fact it's almost abnormal if he's sitting next to me and isn't touching me in some way. "Riki that tickles" I laughed out in a whisper as he had started playing with my hand and was tracing the lines on my hand with his finger nails (OMG this got me giggling just imagining it). Soon the producers came in and all of us got up to greet them, shortly after we started discussing the next album and with that came the return of a splitting headache and now I'm 90% sure that I have a migraine which just couldn't appear after the dance practice. As I had hoped the meeting ended a whole 45 minutes before our dance practice.
As the group went out of the office everyone split into their own groups to do whatever and surprisingly NI-ki came with me. "Hyung wanna take a nap with me? I saw you squinting, do you have a migraine again?" I was actually a little startled by his observation because as much as I know Ni-ki cares about me I really thought he would rather not bother with the burdensome stuff and I think it showed on my expression. "Hyung are you okay? Does it hurt more?" "No ... thank you Riki-san", he looked a little taken aback probably because I only ever use Riki when I'm being sincere or upset.
"Okay! let's go take that nap", both of us started walking towards the practice room because it has a pullout couch that was placed their due to request it's just easier to rest in the practice room itself than to go back to the dorm and then come back. Jay hyung, Sunghoon hyung and Jungwon were already in the practice room by the time we got there but thankfully the couch was unoccupied so Ni-ki and I quickly walked over to the couch and I immediately laid down but that was a mistake because now the lights were hitting my face directly making me grimace. Ni-ki must have noticed because he took his hoodie and put it over my head making me smile underneath the hoodie, he may be the maknae but he really is the most caring. Right after he laid down next to me "Oh! Ni-ki don't forget to set an alarm for 30 minutes" he hummed in confirmation, I must have been tired because I was dead to the world right as my eyes closed.
I woke up to the alarm blaring next to my head (see what I did there) I blinked blearily still a little groggy from sleep I went to rub my eyes but my body felt really heavy, I looked down and realized I'm quite literally restrained and can't move because Ni-ki is spooning me and since he's the big spoon I don't really have any room to move. "Ni-ki yah, hey ... NI-KI! Wake up!" This did nothing but make him pull me into him even tighter, which made me yelp because I wasn't ready. In an attempt to wake him up I started to push his shoulder my theory being that if he feels pressure on his shoulder he might wake up and well it did sort of work but instead of just waking up he rolled over and off the couch with a thud. "Oh my god!" I quickly scrambled to the edge to check on Ni-ki "Ow hyung what the hell" I couldn't help but laugh, "Hahaha your so clumsy" "You're the one who pushed me" "Hey what exactly are accusing me off? It was all you".
Ni-ki did not like that answer because before I knew it he pulled me onto the floor with him "YAHHHHH" after wrestling with me for a bit he grabbed me by my feet and started spinning me on the floor of our practice room (from that one video). By now our giggles and my screams caught the attention of the other members who were now looking over at us, finally Ni-ki stopped spinning me but I was too dizzy to get up immediately so I laid on the floor for a bit panting from the unwanted crunches that I just did from trying to stop NI-ki. I sat up in an upright position before finally getting up "Okay is everyone ready? We're going to practice track no.3 first everyone get into positions" of course our reliable leader Yang Jungwon already has everything planned and ready. Now that I have rested for a bit I feel a lot better, like I have the energy and motivation I needed I can do this!
I CAN NOT DO THIS! We are an hour in and all the motivation I felt before has gone out of the windows of the windowless practice room. My migraine came back about ten-ish minutes ago and I feel like my head is going to split apart. For the remaining 1 and a half hours of practice my sole focus was to not make any mistakes and not bring any attention to myself, to essentially just deal with it. After what felt like an eternity (the water break feeling like 2 seconds rather than 15 minutes) we were finally done, I got through it without as much as a peep. Our manager entered the room and told us it was time to go back to the dorms where we would all be having a pointless fight on who gets to take the first shower. All of us quickly piled into the van Sunghoon hyung sat with Jake, Jungwon sat with Jay hyung, and Ni-ki sat with Heesung hyung which leaves me alone again, but for once I didn't mind.
While in the van Heesung hyung suggested that they order the food now so that by the time they get to the dorms the food will already be there, and thankfully it was which meant that I could sneak off into the bathrooms and take the shower that I deserve while everyone was occupied. The scalding hot water falling on my back felt like it was washing away all of my stress even if it was temporarily I stood under the water longer than I needed to and thanked god that I have all this extra time due to the food that is distracting the members right now, I stood under the water for an extra five minutes and the moment I got out I was hit with chills and a huge headache. Great there's my stress. I put on my clothes dried my hair and went to the kitchen to get something light because even though I'm starving myself not hungry if I don't eat and end up loosing too much weight my styling noona will get upset and ask unnecessary questions.
As I walked into the kitchen Jake, Heesung, and Jay were sitting around the table talking to each other until Jake hyung looked up as he noticed my presence "Oh Sunoo are you about to eat just now? I thought you already ate haha guess I didn't notice" "Probably too busy eye fucking Heesung to notice" I murmured under my breath, regretting it a second later because what if they heard me, I quickly looked up from the ground and thankfully it did not seem like they did "What was that?" "Oh nothing Jake hyung, I was just taking a shower so I haven't eaten anything yet" "Haha I thought you were on a fasting diet" ... "Um yeah I should start one" I laughed out awkwardly and I know my Jake hyung was just genuinely curious about whether or not I'm on a new diet but in my head it just sounded like he was once again teasing me about my weight even though that hasn't happened in a very long time and I know that isn't what he meant but after being criticized for literally everything I do my brain even takes simple statements as implications, an implication that I'm fat that I need to loose more weight. My previous goal of not wanting to worry my makeup and styling noona vanished into thin air, whatever appetite I was trying to suppress gone along with it.
Instead of grabbing something to eat I just grabbed a glass of water and walked out of the kitchen again with no one noticing that I didn't eat anything, of course. As much as it is a goal of mine to loose weight without worrying anyone it still stings to realize that I clearly don't matter as much to my members as they do to me with an exception of Ni-Ki, but some days my brain tricks me into believing that he doesn't care for me either. I go in to the common area where Ni-ki is sitting on the couch and playing a video game and Jungwon is sitting on one of the side chair on his phone, I go and settle down next to Ni-ki and quickly pull my phone out after putting down the soon to be forgotten water on the coffee table. I quickly set an alarm because over sleeping would mess with my sleep schedule and I'd rather get some sleep in now after all I do have to see hyung tonight. Out of the corner of my eye I see Ni-ki turn towards me eyebrow raised, I just shrug and shuffle towards him, and see him put his controller down, pull his phone out and turn his body towards me.
There are so many things I love about Ni-ki but one of the things I love the most is that, even though he is the maknae and likes pulling pranks on the members, likes riling me up, teases me, he always knows how to comfort me and when to ask questions it's like we have this unspoken bond that is just so private and precious, and in times like this when I'm the one who initiates skinship I'm thankful for that bond. I smile to myself a little and lean more into his side getting comfortable basically on his lap and he loops one of his very long arms (because how is this kid younger than everyone and this huge) around my waist, and it just feels like everyday routine. I quickly set an alarm for 45 minutes because it is too comfy to not be sleeping right now and also let Riki know to wake me up in case I sleep through the alarm before finally closing my eyes and drifting off into a hopefully dreamless sleep.