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The day that a very grateful Steve Rogers tweeted “Thanks, Tumblr” was a day that would forever live in infamy (as far as Tony Stark and the internet was concerned).
An explanation is in order. Apparently, Tumblr ran its yearly review and found out that Steve Rogers was the most blogged and re-blogged personality of the year. There were tons of pictures, personal anecdotes, articles and generally anything and everything to do with the leader of the Avengers.
Steve had not had time to get a Tumblr - not because he was ignorant of social media, but basically because he was rather busy with the whole superhero business and… fine, okay, he wasn’t sure what he should post about.
Eventually, Bucky gently pointed out, “Baby, you could always post about your art?”
“I could post all my sketches of your ugly mug - since you like posting pictures of MY ASS on your Instagram.”
"Your ass and my hands have been separated for more than seventy years, Steve! Let me savor the moment."
"You have been 'savoring' this for months, Buck! No - no no no, do not even think of saying 'the end of the line' -- "
Bucky snickered and tugged him close for a kiss.
Yes, he groped Steve's ass while he was at it too.
"Savoring? Really?" Steve sighed, even though he was occupied with returning Bucky's kisses with interest.
Vengeance was won when Steve managed to nibble at that specific spot that promptly turned one Winter Soldier into happy slush.
So Steve Rogers doesn’t actually become a Tumblr icon overnight.
There are those in Tumblr, ancient and wise and bearing scars from all the infamous fandom wars, who still shudder at the mention of He Who Must Ever Be Named in Ever Changing Variations of Benadryl Cabbagepatch or the Great Apocalypse of Misha, for example. And of course, there are other celebrities and personalities who are regular fandom favorites.
So, over the decades, there’s always been this generation who sees Steve Rogers out of the Captain America helmet/cowl and realize, Holy shit that is one good-looking hunk of American roast beef straight out of Howard Stark’s hottie machine (actual quote).
Before Tumblr, Steve’s pictures, especially the ones of him in regular Army dress uniform, were carefully kept in locker rooms, pressed in textbooks and notebooks and wallets.
Naturally, this being Tumblr, that’s how it starts - Steve’s old pictures being posted and reblogged. Once he’s discovered and rescued from the ice, then it’s the newer ones and once more, America falls in love with its Oldest Sweetheart.
It’s not just the pictures of Steve being all big and handsome that are popular. There is a very significant part of Cap’s fandom that is all about bitty Steve Rogers. Someone - actually one of Jim Morita’s many grandchildren - found a rare photo of tiny Steve with his crooked grin, in khaki, white shirt and suspenders and posted it.
(The picture had been taken by Bucky Barnes and he’d left a couple of copies behind that were found later. He’d taken one into war, wrapped in plastic and tucked carefully into a shirt pocket.)
Pictures are one thing - there’s a lot of celebrities and well-known handsome and beautiful personalities out there. What really gets things going are the stories. Not fan fiction, but actual anecdotes about Steve Rogers.
So my Nan’s an awesome lady and she’s one of the USO girls back in WWII (yep, that means she was part of Cap’s show). And she says that Cap was really a sweet guy - like totally made sure nobody acted like creeps towards them and stuff.
And then Nan winks and says they all conspired to make sure no “man-eating harpy sank her claws into Cap” because he was kinda adorkable and clueless when it came to women.
Anyway. Nan says that she was having a little cry in their dressing room tent when they brought the show to Azzano, because she finds out Pappy was MIA and Cap comes in and he was all suited up but not like he was going out to perform. And he’s like, “What’s wrong, Sue?” And Nan tells him what’s happening.
And Cap gets Pappy’s name from her and well, Pappy’s among the guys who were rescued by Cap when he went to get Bucky Barnes. He’s reunited with Nan and of course, that’s why my Dad exists and why there’s a variation of “Steve”/”Stephanie” among the names of the kids and grandkids.
Yeah, I’m this generation’s Stephanie. Thanks, Cap.
That’s not the only story.
Hahahaha, so I’m on my date and my date Mr. Oh God What Was I Thinking But .... Dear God Dat Ass was super rude to the waitress. Next table over, there’s Cap (and I think he had Black Widow with him?) and he stands up and says, “That’s no way to treat a lady, son.”
And I’m like LOLOLOL at my Douchecanoe Date Who Just Got Told, grab my breadsticks and get outta there.
There was also:
And then Tiny Princess Captain America meets actual Cap. I’m dead. G’bye world.
A favorite was:
Mom’s future son-in-law.(I don’t know who this guy is, but he’s cute. He helped my Mom with her groceries today and of course, Ma’s all gung-ho matchmaker, I s2g Filipino Moms, what even is my life, I ask you.)
ETA: OH MY GOD THAT’S CAPTAIN AMERICA.
Of course, there were always the endless speculations about Steve and Bucky and whether their relationship was platonic or romantic. There were certain parts of the fandom who still couldn't get over the fact that the ship was unanimously christened "Stucky" instead of something like "Starbucks" or "Buck Rogers." And then, this happened:
“I don’t see how that’s any of your business, son,” was Steve Rogers’ infamously frosty reply to the first reporter idiot enough to ask him about his sexuality.
He would never truly answer this question one way or the other, though he made it very clear he was NOT the conservative icon that Fox News and the Daily Bugle had believed him to be.
In fact, there was a rather famous picture, taken by one P. Parker, of Steve being a very cheerful guest at the wedding of Laura Dugan and Aileen Morita. He had been swamped by the various great grandchildren of the Howling Commandos, who unanimously adored “Uncle Steve.”
Some time later, when Bucky Barnes had been thankfully recognized as America’s longest held P.O.W. and cleared of the charges against him, this question came up again.
Bucky’s lips curved into a faint smile, that held a touch of naughtiness in it as he glanced over at Steve. And then:
“Hell, son, we’ve been sweethearts since ‘35 and war brides in '44. The legal thing would be nice though.”
Steve’s smile was absolute sunshine.
That same enterprising photographer named P. Parker took a photo that pretty much had Bucky bending Steve backward in a kiss that was perfectly reminiscent of the infamous V-J Day kiss in Times Square, except that Steve had a hand curled around Bucky's neck.
Said picture got reposted and reblogged all over Tumblr and every other social media platform. Internet breaking - accomplished.
Then, this Tumblr anecdote pretty much broke the notes:
So my Grandma dated bitty adorable Stevie Rogers back in the day and she says she was actually his First Kiss.
Except, she finds out that he’s really all pining for Bucky Barnes OMG but those days being really shitty for stuff like that, she’s kept it secret all this time.
Anyway, after that kiss (and okay, it was a very nice kiss), she tells him, “Stop mooning and just go get that gorgeous guy of yours, Rogers.”
She’s glad to find out that they’ve finally gotten together. Also, my Grandma was formerly Ms. Betsy Greenberg of DUMBO (she wanted me to put this out there) and she says:
“I TOOK ONE FOR THE TEAM. YOU’RE WELCOME, BARNES.”
Somewhere out in Tumblr, Bucky Barnes - who secretly has a Tumblr blog of his own - is quietly writing out a private message to the great-grandchild of his Stevie’s first kiss.
Naturally, he’s writing out a thank you.
But we digress, because really, we should be talking about Tony Stark. And Tony Stark was FRUSTRATED.
See, he had never been King of Tumblr. For the past few years, he had always been second to that British actor Battersea Cabbagepatch (or whatever his name actually was), then it was that Misha guy and his apocalypses and then there was that Tom Hiddleswhatever who had an eerie resemblance to Loki, when he dyed his hair black.
It was totally not fair that Steve Rogers would suddenly come out of nowhere to snatch the crown! It was enough to start a civil war over!
So Tony redoubled his efforts.
Next year, the Tumblr King was James Buchanan Barnes.
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