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Nancy isn't quite sure when she started to actively look forward to these meetings, but it's been long enough that she's familiar with the impatience that starts to kick in around sixth period.
It's quiet and empty by the time she walks down the hall to the English classroom used for the student paper. Very few Hawkins High students have the motivation to hang around after hours. Especially on Fridays.
Robin's already inside, as is usually the case. She looks up from the spread in front of her and smiles.
The newspapers laid out in front of Robin are in the process of being organized by date and publication. It's something she's picked up from Nancy, and Nancy's pretty sure she does it entirely for her benefit. Robin would be happy to grab the nearest paper and start from there.
"Wall Street Journal?" Nancy hums as the wonders over. "Who do we think was reading that?"
"Someone who wanted to look smarter than they really are." Robin replies, flipping to the back. "They completely sucked at the crossword.”
There's quite a good selection this week. The usual Hawkins Post and Indianapolis Star - but there's a New York Times alongside the Wall Street Journal.
Nancy grabs last Friday's Post and slides into the chair next to Robin.
There's nothing that interesting in the first paper. A small follow up on the "Mall Fire", reflecting after a couple of months have passed, it does nothing but show them that the writers at The Post don't have a clue about the real cause of the destruction. Robin finds an article about a dog attack that catches their attention for a couple of moments, but when the description is of a small white terrier they agree that it's unlikely to have been a demo-something.
It had started when they returned to school in August.
Nancy was in the habit of checking the newspaper at home. Obsessively. She had been ever since November 1983.
When things were particularly bad she'd make sure to be up before Ted, even if she'd only slept a couple hours, to grab the paper and scan it over an early breakfast for anything violent, unusual, inexplicable.
The school newspaper room usually had a little bit more to offer, as it became a graveyard for anything discarded in the staff room throughout the week.
She'd wandered into this room in search of anything a bit less local, and scared Robin to death.
"Holy shit!"
Robin had whipped around and dropped a stack of papers across the floor as the door had clicked shut behind Nancy.
"Oh! It's... You."
"Me." Robin agreed, clutching her chest. "Wheeler, I think my heart actually stopped for a moment there."
"Sorry, I didn't think anyone else would be around."
"Me either." Robin had said, straightening up before crouching to collect the scattered papers. "Hence the reaction."
"Why are you here?" Nancy had asked. "You're not on the school paper are you?"
"No, I um. My folks don't really believe in the news? They're kind of suspicious about... stuff. So, I thought I could drop by and take a look at these." Robin had explained, dropping her papers on the table where half promptly slid off onto the floor again.
"Super into local news?" Nancy had quipped, leaning down to collect the battered copies of The Hawkins Post.
"Yes?" Robin had replied, hopefully, before seeing Nancy's raised eyebrow. "Well, actually I just kind of wanted to know if there was anything going on. You know, like any more giant flesh monsters or a soviet military mission operating out of someone's garage." She shrugged.
"There's nothing in these." Nancy had told her, grabbing a pile of issues from late July. "Well there is, but I've cut out anything relevant that's been mentioned over the summer and kept a file. I'll show you. The state-wide and national papers I haven't kept up with. We should start there."
Now it's become their thing. Every Friday after school they meet to look at the past week in news. Pretending to not be overwhelmed by the anxiety of a complete absence of the abnormal. Dutifully adding to Nancy's file anything that might not be quite right. A missing kid. A hiker killed by a bear.
Nancy thinks that by now, it's become more than just a strange little trauma ritual.
Robin might actually be her friend.
Sometimes, Robin will grin and stop Nancy to show her an article about a local guy's prize winning beets just to laugh at the goofy smile on the man's face as he holds up the soccer ball sized harvest. They'd both shaken their heads and giggled when Nancy read out the birth announcement for the unfortunately named, or hopefully misreported, baby 'Jennifert'.
She waves when she passes Robin in the hall. Robin will give her a nod and a small smile, but she never stops to talk.
Nancy has wondered if she's just shy. It doesn't fit, exactly, with the Robin who was in drama and who plays in band. Who talks her ear off when they're alone in the classroom, or on the handful of occasions she's seen her at Family Video.
She doesn't really know Robin much at all, she supposes, but she wants to.
"Guess what movie your little shit bird brother tried to rent over the weekend."
"Oh," Nancy grimaces, pausing before turning the page, "Do I want to know or is it gross?"
"It's gross." Robin confirms, grinning, but before she can say more the door to the classroom swings open.
Carol and Tommy stumble through the doorway, Tommy pulling her along by the hand and stopping abruptly when he spots Nancy and Robin.
Nancy hung out with them for long enough to guess why they're looking for an empty room. She grimaces.
Robin has tensed too, but not with the irritated anticipation that Nancy has. She turns to look.
Robin is pale.
"Hello ladies," Tommy grins at them, pulling Carol close to him as she laughs as if he said something hilarious. "We didn't think there'd be anyone in here."
"You don't say." Nancy says, coolly. "I'm surprised you know this classroom Tommy, I didn't think you knew how to read."
Nancy is used to this crap, knows not to react and that Tommy and Carol will get bored and leave, but the energy in the room is tense. She can see from the corner of her eye that Robin is staring fixedly at the article in front of her.
Tommy ignores her dig.
"This is an...Unusual duo." Tommy states, looking between the two of them. "I never pegged you as the type, Nancy."
"What are you talking about?" She snaps despite herself, something about everything going on here putting her on edge.
"Nothing, nothing." Tommy raises his hands as if placating an aggressive animal. It makes Nancy want to act like one.
"What's the project, ladies?" Carol interjects, voice sweet and false.
"Robin is helping me with an article for the paper." Nancy says automatically. They aren't doing anything wrong, but it's an excuse they agreed on. Something alternative to the truth, to prevent them being sent to the school counsellor were they caught by a teacher.
"Ohhhhhhh," Carol draws out, as if this has revealed something to her, and she narrows her eyes at Robin, whose head drops in closer angle to the table. "Whose idea was that?”
"Mine." Nancy says sharply. "Robin is really smart."
"Be careful complimenting her Nancy," Carol puts on a fake whisper "You wouldn't want her getting the wrong idea...”
"What?" Nancy asks, confused.
"See you around." Carol says in lieu of answer, sweeping out the door with Tommy in tow.
In their absence, things feel even stranger. Over the musty smell of stale cigarettes from the staff room papers, there's also a lingering smell of men's body spray. It makes Nancy's nose wrinkle.
"What was that about?" She says, attempts to sound casual, like Robin has breathed at all in the last few minutes.
There's a whoosh of breath from her that makes the top sheet of Nancy's newspaper ripple.
"Carol hates me." Robin says quietly. "Tommy is just an asshole."
"Why?" Nancy asks, baffled. Carol isn't exactly a bully. She doesn't have the wherewithal required to bother fixating on any one person. She just sort of takes stabs at whoever is pissing her off nearby. Hisses at anyone that gets too close to her, like an angry cat.
"I-" Robin snaps her mouth shut and stands up abruptly. "I don't know. I have to go now, I forgot that- that I forgot."
"What?” Nancy, asks, bewildered. “Forgot what? Can I drive you?" she says, moving to stand.
Robin takes the newspapers they've gone through and dumps them in the trash, before grabbing her bag from the back of her chair.
"No! No, I'm- bike." Robin rambles, doing a quick awkward wave-salute goodbye before sliding out the door.
Then she's gone.
Nancy saw Robin this morning, dropped off by Steve in his burgundy BMW.
She didn't bring her bike.
Nancy isn't normally one to leave homework to the last minute.
After she got home last week she'd been uneasy, and Math had slipped her mind. It's nothing she can't do in thirty minutes, but she doesn't have a free period today.
She selects a lunch table that's out of the way of the crowd and eats the bland little mound of macaroni and cheese, and scoop of veggies from her tray quickly before pushing it to the side to scribble some answers down before the bell rings.
"Hanging out with the dyke now, huh?"
She lifts her head to where the voice came from and sees Carol sitting opposite her.
"Shut up Carol." She says it firmly, but her voice gives away that the question has thrown her.
Carol picks up on it. A grin spreads slowly across her face.
"You didn't know?" She stages whispers. "I thought you were supposed to be smart." Carol laughs derisively. "She's wearing suspenders."
Nancy had noticed the suspenders. She just thought they were cute. She bristles.
"Looks can be deceiving." She tells Carol sweetly. "You don't look like a whore today."
It doesn't have the desired effect. Carol laughs in her face and takes the apple from Nancy's tray.
"Oh come on." Carol says with false disdain, "What normal girl our age do you know that wouldn't let Harrington stick his dick in them? Even you did!”
Nancy makes a noise of disgust and stands up, shoving her homework in her satchel and grabbing her tray.
"Have fun in your little writing club!" Carol calls across the lunch hall. Nancy turns to glare after she dumps her trash and tray.
Carol's waggling her tongue between two fingers, spread in a 'V' shape. She waves cheerfully with her other hand.
Robin might be a lesbian.
Nancy is fine with that. It doesn't matter to her at all.
Nancy is progressive. She hates the way they talk about AIDS on the news. Used to dig her elbows into Steve when he used the word fag.
It's none of her business if Robin is gay. It doesn't change anything about their tentative friendship.
The idea that others might see them differently, is something she is less sure about.
She invites Robin round to her house. It's the natural progression of a friendship, to move from hanging out at school to hanging out at each other's houses.
She doesn't want to think about the part of her that worries how many people saw the lewd gesture Carol made with her fingers, and what they thought. She wants to keep Robin private. Hers.
She doesn't want to have to think about what anything means outside of the two of them, hanging out together.
And it's nice, having Robin to herself.
Robin was shy for all of five minutes the first time she came over, before she let herself relax and started snooping around Nancy's room. Teasing her over her baby photos. Gawking at the amount of products Nancy has on her dresser to maintain her perm.
The Robin that exists within the microcosm of Nancy's room is more like the Robin she sees working at Family Video with Steve, on the few occasions she has interacted with her when she’s gone to rent a movie. This Robin is relaxed and herself as far as she can tell. Nancy would go as far as to call her cool.
Robin comes over weekly. Bikes over after band on Wednesdays. Most of the time now, Ted Wheelers’ newspapers sit on Nancy's desk, untouched.
It remains part of the ritual of preparing though. She cleans her room (like Robin would care, or notice), puts out the newspapers, and grabs snacks from the cupboard when Mike isn't looking, so he doesn't bitch that he was gonna eat them.
The whole thing is a ritual really. She could have left Robin to it with the papers in the first place. She has access to the Hawkins Post at home, and she could have bought anything else at the store if she wanted.
But what she wants is a friend.
She also wants to ask Robin about what Carol said so badly.
The annoying reason being that Carol has a point. Other than Barb, who might just have been respectful of Nancy's crush on him, Nancy doesn't know any girls her age that wouldn't let Steve "stick it in".
She is in the habit of being really interested in other people's business, and she's working on it. Doing better at suppressing it.
But there's just something about Robin. Nancy wants to study her. To catalogue everything she knows about her. To run a glue stick over her and tuck her into her scrapbook.
Robin lies flat on the carpet at the end of Nancy's bed. Where Jonathan had once laid out a sleeping bag.
She's twirling a loony tunes pen above herself and repeatedly dropping it onto her face as she tells Nancy about some stupid drama going on in band. It makes Nancy flinch picturing it landing in her eye.
She crawls onto her bed and peeks down at Robin through the rails at the foot. Plucks the pen from her fingers.
Robin pouts at the confiscation, then smiles up at her.
"How's school?" Nancy asks.
Robin raises an eyebrow.
"It's great, mom." She says. "I'm head cheerleader and my GPA is an unprecedented 6.0"
Nancy rolls her eyes.
"I was just thinking, we don't really talk about this stuff."
"It's just school." Robin shrugs, she picks up another pen from under the bed. Twirls this one lower, over her abdomen where Nancy is less likely to have to take her to the ER if she drops it.
"I know." Nancy says, softly, worried about what she wants to say next. "It's just, I saw Tommy the other day. He said something to you while you were at your locker. You looked... Grossed out."
Robin pauses. They both know she had also looked upset.
"Well." Robin clears her throat. "He's a pig."
"Right." Nancy agrees. She wants to reach out and touch Robin. To reassure her. She isn't sure if they can do that.
"Right." She says again. "But he isn't... They aren't bullying you, are they?"
Robin shifts.
"Not really." Robin says quickly. "Not properly."
"Do you have friends, Robin?" Nancy says it without thinking. Realizes how awful it sounds after the words are out her mouth.
Robin looks away.
"I-" Robin shuffles back "What? I mean, yeah I have, I have Steve. I hang out with the kids from band, mostly." She pushes herself to sitting as she talks. Nancy watches her fingers abandon the pen and move to twist at the rings on her fingers.
"I don't." Nancy says. "I wasn't asking to be a bitch, I don't have friends, not really. Not since Barb."
They look at each other. Robin's fingers have stilled. She slouches back against the drawers of Nancy's desk.
"Me either. I mean, other than Steve. I don't really count the kids."
Nancy nods in agreement.
"Before Steve..." Robin trails off and shrugs. "I think it's harder now, to make friends. Not that it's ever been easy, but like, how can anyone understand, you know?".
Nancy knows.
"Are we-" Robin straightens herself up and looks down at the carpet, "Are we friends?"
Robin's trying to be casual about it, but Nancy knows that this isn't casual. This is big and important.
"Yeah," She says, "Yeah I think so. If you want that too?"
Robin smiles shyly at her, and nods.
The whole exchange makes Nancy's chest ache. Robin heads home not long after and hugs her goodbye. But she feels disconnected all evening. She's happy and light but something else is so so heavy.
It isn't until she steps in the shower that she cries for Barb.
Between periods, Nancy dashes to the bathroom.
It's unseasonably warm and some of the classrooms are not built for the heat. She's felt her hair puffing up over the course of the last hour in her history class and she's hoping she can make it look slightly less unruly before bio.
When she enters the bathroom it's immediately obvious that there's someone in one of the stalls, trying to go unnoticed.
Her first instinct is, worryingly, to shoot it. She shakes that off, then she briefly considers finding another bathroom, but it would be out of the way and Mr Cooper would notice her lateness. She rushes to the mirror and hopes that it's not someone too shy to go while she's in the room, or someone throwing up or worse still, two people in one stall.
She does her best with her curls and is shoving her comb back into her bag to leave when she hears the sharp squeak of a sneaker sole slipping on linoleum followed by a thud, a "FUCK!", and the reverberation of the plastic door from whatever hit it.
"Robin?" She asks, cautiously.
"Nance?" Robin groans.
"Are you okay? What are you doing?"
"Shit." Robin groans again and there's a sound of fabric shuffling. "I uh, I was getting changed for gym."
The plastic lock clicks open and sure enough Robin stands in front of Nancy in a pair of sneakers, some basketball shorts and a tight singlet.
She's also sporting a red bruise on her forehead, Nancy discovers when her eyes eventually get up that far. She keeps staring.
"I don't like getting changed with everyone." Robin tells her.
Nancy nods and reaches up to brush Robin's bangs to the side. Robin flinches slightly as her fingertips graze the mark. She leaves them there.
"How did you head-butt the door?" She says, biting her lip not to laugh at Robin's expression.
"You came in when I had one leg in my shorts and I was bent over trying to get the other leg-hole over my sneaker" she pouts a little at Nancy's giggle. "I couldn't keep balanced."
The sharp thud of the door makes them jump.
Nancy's hand withdraws as she turns to the source.
Carol stands with her eyes narrowed, looking very pleased with herself.
"Huh, well this is interesting."
"Shut up Carol." Nancy sighs. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be sucking Tommy off somewhere?"
"Nope." Carol says lightly. She walks over to the furthest sink and hops up, pulling a cigarette out of her jacket pocket. "Smoke break. Why do you ask? Got oral sex on the mind, Nancy?"
Nancy rolls her eyes. She tugs at Robin's arm. Hoping she understands the meaning as get your stuff from the stall and let's get out of here.
Robin turns and does just that.
"Aw, look" Carol simpers, around her now lit cigarette. "She does what you tell her too."
Nancy grits her teeth and doesn't respond.
Carol wants a rise.
"You know it makes sense really. Your pervert weirdo boyfriend moved out of state so you had to find someone else to get your rocks off." Carol smiles. "This little freak is perfect for you."
"Carol." Robin pleads. It's the first time Nancy's seen her talk back.
Carol laughs.
"Does she say your name like that too? Nancyyyy!" Carol whines, pouting her lips and fluttering her lashes." Please let me suck on your AAA cups."
Most of the time recently, when Nancy's felt this angry she's had some sort of weapon in her hand. She considers using her fists.
Robin touches her shoulder lightly.
She takes a breath.
"At least try not to project, Carol."
"What the fuck does that mean?" Carol snaps.
"Just that you seem awfully interested in the idea." Nancy says coolly. She reaches up to Robin's hand on her shoulder.
"I'm not a dyke." Carol snarls at her.
"Oh, I'm sure." Nancy says politely. She brings Robin's hand down from her shoulder. "Come on, Robin."
Carol shouts something derogatory after them as they exit the rest room, but Nancy doesn't let herself hear it.
She leads Robin down the corridors to the lockers before she turns to her.
Her face is very blank in a distinctly non-Robin way. She looks back at Nancy with her lips pressed tightly together, like she's waiting until she has to say something.
"Let's skip." Nancy says. "Now. Come on."
She keeps pulling Robin along. Not looking at her or giving her a chance to object. Robin doesn't anyway, just stumbles along after her.
Until they enter the parking lot, and Robin suddenly presses the brakes.
It doesn't escape Nancy, that a few steps further they'd be visible from classroom windows.
"Nancy- no."
She turns round and looks at Robin. She still has her hand wrapped in hers, but Robin is angling herself like she's preparing to rely on her weight should Nancy choose to drag her through the parking lot by force.
"Why?"
"Because, you need to know-"
"I think I know, Robin."
"No, you need to know they might say stuff about you too." Robin says firmly.
Nancy shrugs.
"Nance," Robin pleads. "Think about it."
"I don't give a fuck about what Carol says about me."
"Okay," Robin sighs. "But, you still need to know. What she says about me-."
Robin stops and breath whooshes from her nose.
"It's true."
Nancy can feel Robin's fingers twitch where she's holding them, like she's giving Nancy permission to let go.
"Robin." She replies. "Get in my damn car."
Nancy drives to get milkshakes.
It's where she would have gone with Barb.
When they pull up she notices Robin is shivering despite the day’s warmth, and reaches into the back to get her a sweater.
It's not until she's at the counter having left Robin in the car that she realizes she doesn't know what to order.
When she gets back Robin still looks freezing, her long legs bare past her little shorts. Nancy's jumper tight across the chest and not quite reaching the middle of her forearms. It looks silly.
She also looks kind of good.
“I didn’t know what to get.” Nancy says, passing her the two shakes. She reaches into the back of the car and grabs another jacket to cover Robin’s legs. It feels like a shame.
“Thanks.” Robin mumbles. “Can I have this, is it strawberry?”
Nancy nods and Robin smiles and takes a sip.
Nancy takes hers back, pleased.
“What even is that?”
“Rainbow Sherbet.” Nancy hums.
“That’s disgusting.” Robin grimaces.
Nancy narrows her eyes and takes a long sip.
“It’s not on the menu, I ordered it special.”
“Why would you do that? Is it even good?”
“Not really.” She answers honestly. “But I try a different flavor each time. Until I’ve had all of them, so I know what’s best.”
Robin gives her a look out the side of her eye and stops mid-sip.
Nancy tries to suppress the smile that wants to spread and hides behind the cup.
Robin laughs.
“It isn’t true.” Nancy says when she starts sucking more air through her straw than milkshake.
“What?”
“What Carol said.”
Robin glances over again, with a hint of panic in her eyes.
“Uh, Nance, I told you, it is-”
“No.” Nancy says firmly. “It’s not. I don’t care if you’re gay Robin. Carol says it like you’re gross or wrong or something. That isn’t true.”
“When you made me laugh earlier, milkshake came out of my nose.” Robin says matter-of-factually.
“Robin.” Nancy murmurs.
Robin fumbles with the straw in her cup. The sound of the plastic scraping against styrofoam sets Nancy’s teeth on edge.
“Are you sure?” Robin whispers.
Nancy’s hand flies out and grabs Robin’s. It’s not even to stop the noise she’s making with the cup.
“Robin, I am so, completely sure.” Nancy tells her, squeezing her hand, “If anyone is gross it’s Carol, for having a problem with it.”
Robin huffs out a little laugh.
There’s a moment of quiet.
Robin turns her hand in Nancy’s palm cautiously, until they can link their fingers together.
“Can I tell you something?” Robin asks her quietly, looking at their hands entwined.
“Anything.”
“You have to promise not to tell anyone.”
“Of course.” Nancy murmurs, her mind running with what else could be a secret. It occurs to her that Robin might have a girlfriend and she feels hot all of a sudden. She squeezes their hands harder.
“There were two weeks, before summer.” Robin starts, “Carol had detention every day after school, and when she got out she would look around for any losers who were straggling after hours to take her frustration out on.”
“Band.” Nancy states.
“Yeah,” Robin nods. “I’m always the last to leave. Carol just – she just clocked me. She knew, I don’t know how she was so sure, but she was. So she was pretty delighted to see me. To test out some insults. Nothing ever close to clever.”
Nancy smiles, watching their hands.
“I stood up to her. After like, the third time. I basically said to her what you did today, that she seems a little hung up on the idea.”
Nancy grimaces in sympathy.
“I guess she didn’t like that?”
“No,” Robin mumbles, and looking up Nancy can see now how her eyes are avoiding her and her cheeks are dusted pink. “She, uh, kissed me.”
“What!?” she gasps.
“Nance, you cannot tell. She’s clearly super fucked up about it, if that wasn’t already obvious.”
“Yeah.” Nancy breathes out. She’s shocked enough to want to laugh. “I just... was not expecting you to say that.”
Robin laughs.
“Then what happened?” she demands.
“Um, the same thing. Like every day for a week. I didn’t have band every day but she’d put notes in my locker and I just, went…” Robin trails off.
Nancy’s mouth is parted. She makes a noise prompting Robin to continue.
“Then, one day we were, we were… making out.” Robin says, the last word whispered, slipping her hand out from Nancy’s to rub at the back of her neck.
Nancy leaves her hand where it lands on Robin’s thigh.
“And she put her hands, like up my shirt.” Robin continues, cheeks flushing deeper. “I think, that maybe feeling boobs there and not like, man-nipples freaked her out? Like, before then she could just pretend I was anyone. I think maybe she liked what we were doing and got scared.” She shrugs. “Since then she has been a raging bitch to me at every chance she gets.”
“Wow.” Nancy says. The image is in her head. Robin in her band uniform. With her shirt un-tucked and her cheeks flushed, with a girl sat astride her.
“Yeah,” Robin laughs, though it sounds apprehensive. “Are you still sure it isn’t gross?”
“It’s kind of hot, actually.” Nancy replies before she thinks it through.
Because it is. She realizes. The idea of it. Except with Robin maybe sat on her pink bed instead of the bleachers, wearing what she is now but without the stupid jacket covering her long legs and without the too-tight sweater hiding her chest. With Nancy sat on her lap and not Carol.
Robin is gawking at her.
Maybe this explains things a little.
"Huh." Robin says.
"Yeah." Nancy whispers. She's thinking now of why she's been so fixated on Robin's legs since they left, and it's probably not out of concern for her friend. It's not even cold.
"Do you want-" Nancy starts, "You can come over? My Dad's at work and Mom's taking Holly over to her friend’s house after Kindy."
Robin’s eyebrows fly up into her forehead.
"I just mean - they won’t know that we ditched." Nancy stammers.
'Right'. Robin agrees, nodding. Back straight, and tone formal. Like they're making a business transaction.
Nancy cannot be the one stammering.
"I also really want to make out with you, and maybe put my hands up your shirt? If that’s okay." Nancy blurts out. Maybe she wouldn't normally be so direct, but from experience, she has to be very clear with Robin.
"Uh okay, well yeah we can, I'm pretty sure that's- we can do that." Robin splutters.
"Okay." Nancy says firmly. She makes sure the empty milkshakes are in cup holders so they won't spill, and tries not to show that she is practically shaking with anticipation. Her mouth feels dry. She wonders if it’ll taste like rainbow sherbet.
She turns on the ignition and briefly considers that the ten minute drive might be too long. Maybe they should just pull up somewhere and Nancy can climb into Robin’s lap.
The fact that she can't just do that right now in the parking lot makes her flash with annoyance.
She feels insane.
It makes her feel better when she glances across as Robin and finds her already staring back and blushing pink, looking as though she is trying to be composed and desperately failing.
It makes Nancy feel lighter. Like she could laugh.
"By the way" Nancy tells Robin. “You should know…”
Robin looks at her with wide eyes.
“I’m actually an A cup.”
Robin snorts.