Chapter Text
“In da quiet times, wez sharpen da choppas for da next scrap!”
“Well, Warboss, so Genoa and Lucca are now just family estates of the Badzappa clan. But I warn you, if you don’t tell me that this means war, if you still try to defend the atrocities and horrors perpetrated by that Warlord—I really believe he is a Grotling—I will have nothing more to do with you and you are no longer my comrade, no longer my 'kunning advisor,' as you call yourself! But how do you do? I see I have unnerved you—sit down and tell me all the news.”
It was in the heat of battle, amidst the clangor of weapons and the roar of engines, and the speaker was the renowned Gretchin, Grotfanga Morka'rova, favored servant of the Warboss Morkthraka. With these words, she greeted Warboss Grotfang Kurágin, a Nob of high rank and importance, who was the first to arrive at her gathering. Grotfanga had been squiggly for some days. She was, as she said, suffering from da scrap—a term new to the Orks of that warzone, used only by those with a bit of extra teef.
All her summons without exception, scrawled in crude Ork glyphs, and delivered by a rowdy, red-painted Boy that morning, read as follows:
"If ya ain't got anyfin' betta to do, Nob (or Warboss), and if da thought of spending toime with a poor Grot is not too grotty, I'll be right chuffed to see ya tonight between 7 and 10—Grotfanga Morka’rova."
"Zog me! What a krumpin' challenge!" replied the Warboss, not at all phased by this welcome. He had just stomped in, wearing a jagged battle plate, big stompin' boots, and flashing glyphs of victory, with a fierce grin on his brutish face. He spoke in that crude Orkish in which Orks not only spoke but fought, and with the loud, bellowing tone natural to a Warboss of importance who had led many a WAAAGH! He swaggered up to Grotfanga, grabbed her tiny Grot hand, presenting to her his massive, battle-scarred claw, and slammed himself onto the nearby scrapheap.
“First of all, dear Grot, tell me how you're holdin' up. Let's get your tiny mind krumpin',” said he, not altering his tone, beneath the bellowing and affected boisterousness of which a hint of boredom and even amusement could be discerned.
“Can one be krumpin' while sufferin' morally? Can one be calm in times like dese if one has any teef?” said Grotfanga. “You gonna stay fer da whole bash, I reckon?”
"And da bash at da Big Boss's? Today's WAAAGH-day. I gotta make an appearance dere," said the Warboss. "My Weirdboy is gonna zap me dere.”
“I thought today’s WAAAGH had been stomped out. I confess all dese endless battles and dakka are gettin' me squiggly.”
"If dey had known dat you wanted it, da scrap woulda been put off,” said the Warboss, who, like a rampaging Squig, by force of habit said things he didn't even mean to be believed.
“Stop muckin' about! Well, and what's da plan with da humie's latest mess? Ya know everyfin’.”
"What can one say about it?" replied the Warboss in a roaring, listless tone. "What's da plan?
Dey've decided dat da 'umies have burnt their cities, and I reckon we're ready to burn ours.”
Warboss Grotfang always spoke boisterously, like an Ork rehearsing for da next scrap. Grotfanga Morka'rova, on da contrary, despite her Grot-like stature, overflowed with energy and impulsiveness. To be a loota had become her social callin', and sometimes even when she didn't feel like it, she got krumpin' excited just to meet the expectations of those who knew her. Da fierce grin which, though it did not suit her small, green features, always played around her tusks expressed, as in a ferocious Squig, a continuous thrill for da WAAAGH!, which she neither wanted, nor could, nor considered it necessary to hold back.
In da midst of a discussion on battle tactics, Grotfanga burst out:
“Oh, don’t speak to me of da 'Umies. Maybe I don’t get da big picture, but da 'Umies never wanted, and don't want, fer a proper krumpin'. Dey are betrayin' us! Orks alone must bash da 'Umies. Our great Warboss recognizes his callin' and will be true to it. Dat is da one fing I believe in! Our mighty Warboss has da noblest role to play in da galaxy, and he is so brutal and cunning that Gork and Mork will not abandon him. He will fulfill his destiny and crush da pansy 'Umies, who have become more pathetic than ever in da face of our WAAAGH! We alone must avenge da blood of da Boyz.... Who, I ask ya, can we rely on?... Da 'Umies with their weak 'eads won't and can't understand da greatness of da WAAAGH! They've refused to leave our planets. Dey wanna find, and still lookin', for some sneaky trick in our tactics. What answer did our Weirdboyz get? None. Da 'Umies haven't grasped and can't grasp da brutality of our Warboss who wants nothing but da glory of da WAAAGH! And what have they promised? Nuffin'! And what little they've promised dey won't do! Dem Chaos Boyz have always said dat da Warboss is unbeatable, and dat da galaxy is ours.... And I don’t believe a word dat da Chaos Boyz say, or da Eldar either. Dis so-called Eldar neutrality is just a trap. I believe only in da power of Gork and Mork, and da destiny of our mighty Warboss. He will stomp da galaxy!”
She suddenly paused, grinning at her own ferocity.
“I think,” said da Warboss with a roar, “that if you had been sent instead of our Boyz to take over dat humie fortress, you woulda stormed it with a good WAAAGH! You are so krumpin' loud. Will ya get me a good swig of fungus beer?”
"In a moment. Listen, da Boss," she added, becoming calm again, “I am expectin' two very interestin' Boyz tonight, da Big Mek Diggasplitta, who is connected with da Meks through da Goff Boyz, one of da best Ork clans. He's one of da proper Meks, da good ones. And also da Weirdboy Zzapbrain. Ya know dat mad psyker? He's been choppin' heads in da name of Gork and Mork. Had ya heard?”
“I shall be krumpin' happy to meet dem,” said da Warboss. “But tell me,” he added with bellowing casualness as if it had just crossed his mind, though the question he was about to ask was the main reason fer his visit, “is it true dat da Big Mek Snaggadakka wants da lootin' rights to da Rok islands? Snaggadakka, by all counts, is a proper git.”
Da Warboss wanted to secure da lootin' rights for his Boyz, but others were tryin' through da Big Mek Snaggadakka to grab 'em first.
Grotfanga Morka'rova almost squinted her tiny eyes to show dat neither she nor anyone else had the right to criticize what da Warboss desired or was pleased with.
“Big Mek Snaggadakka has been recommended to da Boss by his MegaNobz,” was all she said, in a dry and ominous tone.
As she mentioned da Warboss, Grotfanga Morka'rova’s face suddenly assumed an expression of fierce and sincere devotion mixed with bloodlust, and this occurred every time she mentioned her boss, da mighty Warboss Morkthraka. She added that da Boss had deigned to show Big Mek Snaggadakka a lot of favor, and again her face clouded over with battle-lust.
Da Warboss was silent and looked fierce. But, with da savage and brutal cunning befitting an Ork Warboss, he indicated by a loud stomping that he was considering dis information.
“Have ya never thought of makin' yer cunning Boy Anatork a Warboss?” she asked. “Dey say da old Meks have a thing for promotin', and though I don’t feel dat urge in meself yet, I know a little Mekboy who's very unhappy with his boss. He's a relative of yours, Gretchin Mary Grotkonk's lad.”
Da Warboss did not reply, though, with the quickness of a Warboss's mind, he indicated by a roar that he was thinkin' about dis info.
“Listen, dear Grot," said da Warboss, suddenly grabbing Grotfanga Morka'rova’s tiny hand and for some reason smashing it downwards. “Make dat deal for me and I'll always be your most devoted serva-slave with an Orky twist. She's got teef and a good fightin' spirit, and dat's all I want.”
And with da ferocity and brutish charm unique to him, he raised the Grot's hand to his lips, snorted at it, and swung her around as he roared in another direction.
“Alright den,” said Grotfanga Morka'rova, reflecting, “I'll speak to Lisork, da Big Mek Snaggadakka's Mekboy, dis very night, and perhaps da fight can be arranged. It shall be for da glory of da WAAAGH! dat I'll start my apprenticeship as a proper Mek's assistant.”