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Shepard leaned over Kaidan, hands trembling as she tugged and pulled at his armor straps. Even as the engines kicked in and the Normandy shot out of Mars’s atmosphere, Shepard barely paid any mind as she gently pried off Kaidan’s helmet. The sight of his beaten and battered face stole the breath from her body. Her knees buckled together, and she only remained standing thanks to her weight being supported by the examination table.
Please. Please. Please.
“Kaidan needs medical attention.”
Liara’s words barely registered in Shepard’s mind.
Please. Please.
The asari leaned down until she was all but laying on the table, forcing Shepard to look at her. “We need to leave the Sol system.”
“I know,” Shepard said, her response unbidden, automatic.
“The Citadel is our best chance,” Liara added. “We can find help there.”
They had to go there anyway. Shepard lifted her head. “Joker, get us to the Citadel.”
“Roger that.”
Vega subtly shifted, just enough to catch Shepard’s attention. “Commander?”
“Take that thing,” Shepard vaguely gestured towards Eva, “to the AI Core. Have EDI lock it down and get that data from its memory banks. Then you’re on standby in the armory until we get to the Citadel.” The words felt foreign as they left her mouth, like someone else was thinking them and she was merely a mouthpiece.
“Ma’am.” He saluted before hauling the synthetic over his shoulder and trudging off with it to the core.
Shepard closed her eyes, desperately wishing that this was a dream. That when she opened them, she’d wake up and everything that had transpired today was an awful nightmare.
But it wasn’t. Earth was still under attack, and Kaidan was still fighting for his life.
“Shepard.” Liara reached across the exam table, her fingertips just barely touching the commander’s chin. “Do you need some time alone?”
Normally, she’d insist she was fine. But she wasn’t, and there was no point in hiding it from Liara. The asari knew her too well to be fooled by her placations.
Instead, she simply nodded.
“Very well. I need to go set up a few things, but let me know if you need anything.”
The asari walked around the table and headed for the door, stopping only briefly to place her hand on Shepard’s shoulder. She squeezed in silent reassurance before letting go and exiting.
Quiet settled in the room, now filled with only the hum of machinery and the sounds of its two occupants breathing.
She rasped out a shaky breath, head bowed. Tears stung her eyes, and now that she was alone, she let them flow.
Please. Please.
“Don’t do this to me, Kaidan.” Her words would not reach him, she was sure, but she had to speak them. “I’m begging you. I know we – we’ve had our differences. I know you don’t trust me anymore. But I still care. I still-” I still love you. Please.
She took her hand in his, the only contact she’d allow herself. While she desperately wanted more, to touch him and hold him like she once used to, she didn’t. She couldn’t. Not when he made it so clear on Mars that he didn’t feel the same anymore.
“If you never want to talk to me again, if you never want to see me again, I can live with it. I’ll do whatever you want. Just as long as you survive. That’s all I’m asking.”
Just live.
She sobbed. Please.