Work Text:
It hurts.
Everything hurts.
The warm water of an evening shower after a weary day,
Or cozy, smooth, and warm pajamas,
Everything hurts.
Ignorant people carelessly spout about my condition,
Blaming all I have or all I've done.
But I know that they don't know.
I know, and the doctor knows, this disease is incurable.
Sure, there's treatment for it,
But applying lotion and taking drugs every day forever won't do well.
Everything hurts.
That's not dust on my bed, those are just flakes of my skin.
My skin literally peels off, revealing bloody flesh underneath,
Bright pink and sensitive to even a breath of air.
Everything hurts.
Yet I can't stop scratching. Everything feels itchy and painful,
Both sensations blending into one suffering sense that will never cease.
Everything hurts.
I can see everyone around me avoiding me. my appearance disgusts them.
I know it isn't contagious, I'm not sure if they know it isn't.
It doesn't matter, though. no one wants to be near the ugly duckling.
Everything hurts.
Now I feel empathy for others who suffer from incurable diseases like me,
AIDS, tinnitus...
Waking up every day knowing the torture will never end,
And knowing there's no way to end it.
Everything hurts.
On the other hand, I feel envy towards those who self-harm.
They had good skin, all healthy. They have the decision whether to feel one more pain or not.
They still get to choose.
Everything hurts.
God, I wish... um...
God, I don't know.
What would I wish for from You?
A cure? We know this is incurable.
To stop myself from scratching my own skin? Oh, a humble wish.
But scratching an itch is part of human nature's instinct.
Besides, the itch and pain would still be around. nothing is going to stop that.
A fantasy doctor that gives me a magical injection that completely cures me in a blink of an eye?
A big dream, though obviously unrealistic.
God, I don't know.
I opened Your holy pages, and all I see is hell and torment.
Is it a sign for me?
That all of this is torture for all my sins?
Do I deserve all this?
God, I don't know.
Everything hurts.