Work Text:
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Song: Itoshiki Hito E (To My Dearest One) by Kotobuki Reiji (CV: Morikubo Showtaro), Translation by Utapri No Sekai (slight variation by me)
The apartment is quiet besides the sounds of light music and cooking as he enters. Despite living there for a few years, it lacks much character causing it to feel hollow. One of the only things proving that it was Leon's apartment was the sun damaged photos, yellowed with time.
One of them from years ago as he visited Sherry on her birthday. The smile on the girl's face. Claire.
It all felt so distant.
Everything grew out of reach. Nothing seemed to last for a broken man, especially for one who had the bright sparkle in his eyes beaten out so violently.
As he approaches the kitchen, the smell of onion and herbs wafting through the air, Leon notices the nostalgic yellow tinted light that colors the white walls.
At the stove-top was a familiar figure standing before a pot of soup.
You.
A heart made of glass is always... hurting anything that tries to touch it. Yet you embrace it so tight without fear.
His arms wrap around your waist as his head sits upon yours in this rehearsed dance. He smells your shampoo as he takes a deep breath.
"Welcome back, Leon.” You say in a light tone as if he wasn't gone for a little over a week. "I'm making tortellini soup tonight."
He can hear how much you missed him. Even if you don't say it, those feelings tinge your voice.
"Mmm," he sighs with closed eyes, "That sounds good. Haven't had that in awhile."
Leon’s hold on you is strong. He wants to savor the moment.
There’s an itch in the back of his mind; one that would never leave. That this relationship would only hurt you. That he was taking advantage of your kindness. That he could never express just how much he loved the sense of normalcy you brought.
As if sensing his emotions, you quietly grab his left hand with a softness Leon wasn’t used to feeling.
Your hands were light compared to his calloused hands, which were covered in blood. Regrets marred his digits.
The plush feeling of your lips is unfamiliar to his inner wrist. This intimate touch caused Leon to melt.
A simple touch, a simple act, a simple situation in your eyes but it doesn’t feel so simple to him.
A clink as the spoon is set down. You turn around to face him.
But such happiness is sometimes, through cruelty of God, suddenly in front of my eyes… disappears and it makes me so scared.
The look in your eyes, how greatly it contrasted the steely eyes he would see everyday. Fresh eyes that didn’t twist with fear, changed. Not hardened by painful experiences. The look in your eyes is different.
Tired but understanding.
It is something that Leon was grateful for. A calm in a life that he felt so little choice or support in. A happiness from not feeling alone.
A deep hunger satiated but it caused a fear to rise.
What if you saw what he faces everyday? What if you got hurt even more than beforue? What if… you left?
They kept scratching at the back of his mind..
I live only for your sake. This voice will take an oath, to my dearest one.
Night carried on. Dinner came and went. No discussion of his work.
The ticking of the clock counting down the seconds before the feeling of the mattress would soon greet the two of you. The nighttime routine felt so unfamiliar. He was a stranger to this domestic moment.
“Apparently Sara,” your coworker, Leon had to remind himself as you spoke, “had decided to drag me out while you were gone. Saying that I was being too focused on work again.”
You roll your eyes in a familiar manner as you wipe the skin of your face with a cloth. There’s a soft, tired look, one that is aware of reality.
“Right.” Leon responds. “I already know you were hunched over your desk, typing away at a proposal looking like Gollum." He chuckles as he remembers the first time he saw you at work.
“Hey.” You pout cutely in response, before sitting on the bathroom counter and sighing. “Let me see your face.”
You put out your hand expectantly and he obliges as he puts his chin in your hand. Reaching with your other to grab his cloth and wetting it with water, you smile sweetly with the look that Leon loved.
A careful caress with the cloth as you clean his face. Your thumb traces over faint scars, reminders of the memories he can never escape. There’s a tightening in his heart at this touch.
As you finish and wring out the cloth, you turn back to face him still sitting on the counter. The softness of your hand shifts to cradle the side of his face.
In response, he lifts your chin with his fingers and gives that charming smile of his. “I have the world in my hands.”
“Not sure about that.” You reply softly. “Pretty sure I got it in mine.”
As you get into bed, due to a learned habit after living with Leon for four months, get into the side of the bed away from the door. He lies across from you and lets out a heavy sigh, as he feels exhaustion wash over him.
His hand finds its way to your waist as the light turns off. Leon’s face burrows itself in the crook of your neck, like something was commanding him to get as close as possible to you. To find the core to the warmth. The rhythm of your breath, a lullaby, gently sends him to sleep as his fingers curl atop your skin slightly.
Even at that moment, the scratching turned into digging.
Your eyes heavy and on the verge of the precipice, a whisper drifts from Leon’s lips as he is asleep.
“My only… Make me happy when…”
Will it be sent to you? Will it be conveyed? Words will never be enough… for this feeling of mine, to my dearest one.
By the time the rays of the sun bounce off your gentle skin, Leon is awake and doesn’t move as he watches you sleep peacefully. A smile creeps onto his face as he notices a line of drool.
In that moment, the man, who long lost his faith and wishes, says a silent prayer.