Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Medkit is tired. Currently sitting in Zukas truck with a few other phighters that he fought with a few minutes ago.

The match was intense, he needed to move around a lot to heal his team members. At some point he even needed to rest during the fight for awhile because he was exhausted from it. And of course got attacked.

“Dammit can't healers take a rest too?” Medkit was cursing in his thoughts like an old grandpa who lost a jackpot or a gambling game. Suddenly a hand tapped on his shoulder, Medkit was startled and raised his head, vision blurry until he rubbed his eyes.

“Wha-”
“Hey doc’ rise and shine! We’ve arrived at Crossroads!”
“Oh uh, thanks Ban.” Banhammer just gave him a happy hum and turned his head in another direction. Whatever that caught his attention.

Medkit stood up and got down from the truck, head spinning from the tiredness. He decided to walk back to his apartment to get some rest, it’s not like anyone will check up on him either way. Sometimes Sword and Boombox do check up on him, bringing him some ‘home baked’ cookies and cupcakes. Well, that’s what they usually say. Because Medkit knows they just bought it from Slingshots cafe. He knows damn well if they baked something the whole kitchen blows up.

Medkit stood in front of the apartment door, pulling out the keys from his pocket and opening the door. His apartment was quite empty, there’s no decorations, just a few pieces of furniture that he got from some second-hand store. He closed the door and walked to the kitchen counter to get a glass of warm water.

-

“Banhammer!” A deep soothing voice shouted at Ban, it was Zuka. “Hmm?” Banhammer turned his head to see Zuka holding a teal-coloured suitcase.

“Hey kid I’m pretty sure this suitcase belongs to Medkit so do you mind giving this back to him? I’ve got work to do and you’re pretty close to him right?” Before Banhammer could say anything Zuka shoved the suitcase to his chest.

“Here, also he seems..tired, check up on him at the same time! Thanks kiddo!” Kid? Kiddo??? “Hey! I’m 46! I ain't some kid, I’m a man!” Ban shouted at Zuka only getting a thumbs up from him.

Banhammer wasn’t close with Medkit, the only time they really interacted was when Medkit was healing Banhammer because his arm got blown off by Rockets rocket launcher.

Banhammer could’ve just passed this suitcase to someone and told them to give it to Med but he didn’t. He was kinda worried about him, he knew this suitcase probably cost a lot and the doc would…cherish it? Banhammer shook his head and headed to Meds apartment, he got the address from Sword since they're both friends.

-

Medkits head was on the kitchen counter like a drunk dude that chugged 2 bottles of alcohol. His head was spinning, it was worse than before. He was staggering, he supposed a warm bath would work, so that's what he did.

He took off all his clothes and dropped them on the floor. He waited for the bathtub to be filled with warm water after opening the tap. He looked at the mirror, and there showed a miserable deer with slightly heavy eye bags and lazy eye.

“...” That deer didn't say anything but stare at the mirror. His head hurts, his chest hurts, his eye hurts. It was so itchy that he felt like he could just punch his missing eye and dig his fingers in until it bleeds like the day he lost it.

The feeling when Subspace dug his eye out, and the feeling when he dug hers out too. Blood splattering everywhere with papers scattered around the floor. Glass shattering noises from the broken test tubes that were thrown on the floor with anger and rage.

CRACK.

Medkit punched it with full force, making the mirror into pieces of glass. A few glass shards got on his fist, making cuts. It wasn't deep cuts so it didn't bleed much.

He punched it again, again and again. Now only staring at a crushed mirror, the deers reflection was gone. He felt the adrenaline of blood dripping down his fist.

Chapter Text

DRING!

A pair of cat ears flicked up and immediately turned to the doorbell that rang. “Welcome to Slingshots Caf- oh. Well isn’t it the future comedian?” Banhammer stepped into the cafe, he nearly pushed the tables away from how big-sized he was. He looked around the cafe and went to the counter.

“Heya mosquito get me uhh, two chocolate cupcakes yeah?”
“I'll get you those if you stop calling me a mosquito!”
“Eugh- Dude just get me two choco cupcakes and I’ll go. Big guy here has something more important to do than to fight with a mosqui- YOU.”

Slingshot was irritated by Banhammer, he aggressively grabbed two strawberry cupcakes and shoved it into the paper bag.

“Here.”
“I said two cho-”
“YOU GOT YOUR CUPCAKES GO DO YOUR IMPORTANT JOB!”
Slingshot screamed at Banhammer, clearly shocked at the sudden voice raised at him.

He slammed the money on the counter and left the cafe, stomping his foot like a big baby. “Guh, stupid mosquito..who does he think he is shouting at me like that..”

-

Medkit was in the bathtub, his fist stopped bleeding and there was just dried blood and cuts on it. The bathroom floor had glass pieces and some drops of blood. Medkit was lying his head on the wall heavily breathing trying to calm himself down. The warm water made him slightly better, he tried not to think so much about the incident. But he knew he couldn't, he used the unharmed hand and touched his missing left eye.

The more he thought about it the more stressed he got. What if Subspace dug his other eye out during a phight? Which could be possible. What if Subspace found out where he lived and sent a Biograft to attack him? He knows he couldn’t fight it back himself. Medkit wasn't sure if he was predicting the future or he was just overthinking.

He darted his eyes all over the bathroom, stressing out from his thoughts. He quickly washed himself and got out of the bathtub, drying himself with a towel and putting on a pair of clean big T-shirt and boxers.

He sat on the bed and stared at the ground, his heart beating faster every second.

THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP- Is all that Medkit could hear in his bedroom. Suddenly he felt a sting on his thighs, he pulled up his T-shirt and looked at it. The sting was from the scars he made a few weeks ago, it became keloid scars.

Medkit could get rid of the scars but he didn't, he wanted to feel the scars. Seeing his body slowly getting ruined by the scars.The scars he made are different from the eye loss. He liked the scars, seeing it made him feel..ease. It's not a good way to relieve stress and anxiety, Medkit knew about it.

He wonders what will Vinestaff think about him if she knew about this, Vinestaff admires Medkits healing abilities and probably counts him as a healing partner. Sword? Boombox? They'll be confused of course.

Scythe and Broker…knowing them it's either they didn't wanna say anything about it or they don't even care. They got eyes all over Medkit, there's no way they won't know. Do they?

No one would think a medic would harm themselves. Medkit let out a chuckle thinking about it, how people would react if they knew. He opened the drawer beside his bed and pulled out a blade cutter. He bought it a few days ago, still sharp and smooth.

He aimed the blade cutter slightly upper at the keloid scar on his left thigh. He breathed heavily, raising his arm and cut at the spot harshly. He aimed at another spot, cutting it again a little harder this time. The cuts started to bleed, the blade was sharp enough to cut through the fat.

Medkit stared at the blood dripping down from the cuts. He aimed the blade cutter at his right thigh this time, cutting it. It wasn't enough. He needed more. He abused his thighs, cutting it over and over again. Every cut he made made him feel assuage.

He would use his fingers to wipe the blood from the cuts, tasting it after. Kissing his finger tips with blood stains on it, like he's admiring the blood. Iron and metallic is all the deer can taste.

Blood dripped on the bed sheets, staining it. The deers boxers were also stained with blood, he sighed, staring at the mess. The previous times he did it wasn't this messy, he would immediately clean it up after doing it. Leaving no traces.

The deer slowly stood up, tossing the blade cutter to the side of the bed while holding on the bed sheets for support. The blood flowed down, causing it to end up on the floor.
“..guh, great. More things for me to cle-”

DING!

The deer was frightened at the sudden doorbell. He definitely had no time to clean all the mess up, he panicked and quickly took tissues to clean the blood on him.

The doorbell kept ringing, making the deer nervous. He quickly threw the tissue into the bin and checked to see if there were any blood traces on him before rushing out of the room and closing it.

He opened the door, there stood the warden of Banland holding a paper bag and a teal suitcase. Wait, teal suitcase? Medkit looked closely until he realised it was his suitcase.

“Ya know doc, my eyes are up here”
“Ah uh, you…have my suitcase”
“Yeah! I came here to return it to ya, I also got cupcakes for us! Soooo, am I good to come in?”

Before the medic could say anything trying to process what he just heard he felt something dripping down his legs, it was blood. He forgot cuts like these won't stop bleeding immediately after cleaning it. He took a step back and that made Banhammer raise an eyebrow.

“You're acting a little suspicious doc, ya hiding anything inside that apartment of yours?” He looked down and saw blood travelling down the medics legs.

“What the-”
The medic immediately slammed the door at Banhammer, locking the door. Banhammer banged on the door non-stop, he kept shouting at Medkit.

“MEDS, DOC, OPEN THE DOOR NOW, WHAT'S GOING ON? HEY, DON'T IGNORE ME! ANSWER ME DOC! FUCKING DAMMIT.”

Medkits heart rushed, he didn't know what to do. He never thought of getting caught at all, he felt stupid answering the door even though he could've just stayed quiet.

“Fuck, what do I do what do I do.”

He got behind the kitchen counter, before he could do anything the door was busted down.

Chapter Text

Blood won't stop dripping from the medics leg, he trembled a bit, staring at the big guy standing on the broken door. His eyes darted at the knife at the kitchen counter and grabbed it. He aimed it at his neck, the knife gave a shiny glare. It was sharp.

Banhammer was starting to sweat, he felt the urge to just run towards the medic and pin him down. Well, who's stopping him from doing that? No one.

“Don't. One step closer and I'm going to cut myself with this knife. Leave my things, get out. Pretend you saw nothing, please.” The medic was praying for the warden to leave, he doesn't want him to get involved in..whatever situation he's in.

“No.” Banhammer threw the things he held onto the couch and plunged at Medkit. Medkit stepped back and accidentally cut himself from the knife on his neck, making him yelp.

The warden pinned the medic down with his body, using one of his hands to hold down the medics free hand. He grabbed the knife with another hand and tossed it away from Medkit, pinning him down after. The deer beneath him was grunting, shouting non-stop.

“LET ME GO! RELEASE ME THIS INSTANT!”
“NO! STOP MOVING!”
The deer was kicking his legs, hitting the wardens stomach. The wardens size is bigger than the deer, after all he's a demigod. He was getting exasperated from the baby kicks, he raised up both deers arms and used one of his hands to clasp the wrist.

He used his other hand to take off his blindfold, tying the deers wrists with it. The deer kept shuffling around until the warden clutched his legs holding it down on the floor.

It stings. Everything is a mess. Blood started drooling from the deers neck, he can feel heat going up his body. Fuzzy vision taking over him as he tries his best to fight back the warden. The warden actually didn't know what to do, mind blank from the scenario as pressure started to form. Now using his hands to cover the deers bleeding neck.

“Fucking dammit, HEY HEAL YOURSELF FOR SFOTHS SAKE!”
Medkit let out a weak chuckle. “hah...no.”

Banhammer started cursing the shit out of Medkit, he held him in his arms and got up. Going into the only room in the apartment and setting him on the bed, trying to look for medical supplies.

The floor was stained with dried blood, so are the bed sheets. Banhammer opened the bathroom door, only finding more mess, the shattered mirror with droplets on blood on the floor made his skin crawl slightly.

“...” He looked back at the bleeding deer that had already passed out. The warden quickly searched the room, he believes that Medkit will keep a medical box somewhere, even if he doesn't need it. He searched the room, finding a medical box under the bed.

He quickly pulled it out and ran to grab a wet towel from the bathroom. He got on the bed and try to stop the bleeding from the deer, hands trembling while holding the towel at the deers neck. Even though it was a small cut, it went deep. Sfoth how sharp are the knives?

…

Still breathing. Medkit was still breathing. That made Banhammer relieved. He would occasionally check on the deers heartbeat, making sure it's not slowing down or speeding up.

Medkit is now sitting on Banhammers lap, hands already untied and unconscious. His head leaning on the big man's shoulder, neck covered with bandages and the scars from his thighs stopped bleeding. Now being cleaned up by the warden.

The warden was careful and gentle, using his big hands to wipe the dried blood with a new towel. His heart dropped when he first saw it, thighs covered in nothing but scars. He found the blade cutter on the bed corner and put it on top of the drawer.

“I guess this is the thing he used, how does something so small even cause something this bad?”

He was always curious about it, that one small thing. That one small blade that isn't even bigger than his hand. Can cause such disaster to someone. What was the main cause of this, why would he do it?

It's because of those stupid feelings.

Feelings corrupting inside of him, unable to let it out. There's no one that would listen, it's painful. He felt useless, unable to do anything but to keep the pain. Until this thing appeared on his hands, that sharp and shiny surface cutting through the skin and the flesh. The satisfaction of feeling the blood, even going as far to taste it.

What a tragedy.

…

Medkit slowly opened his eyes, his head still a little dizzy. He slowly sat up, looking around the room he was in, it was his bedroom. He let out a sigh, noticing that he had a new shirt on and was sitting on a new bed sheet. The floor was clean, no signs of blood. He got down from the bed, wobbling to the bathroom.

It's clean. The mirror had a few pieces of glass still holding up, allowing the deer to see his bandaged neck. It was badly bandaged, though he couldn't complain much, he was glad Banhammer didn't send him to the hospital. Who would want to see a medic in a hospital anyway? Especially a medic that could revive people from the dead.

He walked back to the bedroom, twisting the door knob opening the door that leads to the living room and kitchen. Banhammer was sitting on the couch, eyes were staring at his phone until he heard the door creaking open. His eyes averted to the deer.

“Ah hey uh, doc you're up! Ya feeling better?”
Medkit just gave Banhammer a nod and walked to the kitchen counter, a blue paper bag caught his attention. He opened it and saw two cupcakes in it.

“Oh those are strawberry cupcakes! Even though I asked for chocolate ones. One each!”
Banhammer was standing behind Medkit, a smile on his face staring at the smaller demon. He grabbed the paper bag and the deers hand.

“Cmon, let's chill on the couch! Don't worry, I won't do anything.”
Both of them sat on the couch, the deer confused at the wardens actions. “Is this part of his plan? Why is he being so nice to me, something is wrong. He's gonna take me to Banland and lock me up, this is all just a trick isn't it?”

Suddenly a cupcake was shoved into the deers mouth, letting out a choke and holding the cupcake with his hand.
“Look I know you're confused right now about this whole thing about me caring about you shalala whatever I did for you, but now just relax. I don't plan to take you to Banland, for now.”

For now.

Wow how nice, it would be better if he didn't add those last two words. Still, curiosity takes over the deers mind.
“Why are you helping me?”
“Uhhh, dunno. Just, wanted to.”
“Invalid answer.”
“WHAT DO YA MEAN INVALID ANSWER!? OKAY FINE, I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU! This whole thing is just a sudden and like- I was panicking the whole time okay, I dunno uh YOU GET WHAT I MEAN!”

Silence filled the whole apartment, Medkit didn't know what to reply but he was more relaxed. He moved and sat between the warden like a baby panda. He curled up and laid his head on the wardens chest. Taking a bite from the cupcake.

Banhammer used his free hand to wrap around the deer, both demons cuddling with each other while enjoying the cupcakes, sure it became cold but it was delicious.

Perhaps, a company won't hurt at all.

…

“Hmmm…well how should I tell boss about this, this is quite..a problem.”