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clandestine meetings and longing stares

Summary:

“You shouldn’t be here,” Lucy whispers, but her body is mechanically inching towards Tim.

“I know,” he responds, but there isn’t a hint of regret lining his tone. “I miss you.”

--

3 times Tim visits Lucy during a UC op

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

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1.

Tim Bradford makes his weekly trip to the grocery store every Sunday night. It’s a mundane task that no one looks forward to, but he secretly enjoys it. He always walks in with a list of staple ingredients he knows he’ll use, but as they make their way down the store, Lucy will stop the cart at every other aisle, begging Tim to get some obscure dish that she’s been dying to try. He folds quickly and she bounces with excitement for the rest of the trip. The entire week will go by, and their shifts will have always run late, meaning the meals will never be made. Lucy will whine every Saturday night when they have to throw out the molding food, and the process will repeat the very next day.

But instead of Lucy by his side, he has Kojo, who is trotting almost faster than Tim, smelling almost everything at his eye level.

“Down boy!” Tim scolds every few minutes when Kojo tries to jump up on a display rack, the workers all giving him disdainful looks.

Without an overly-enthusiastic Lucy by his side, he gets through his list pretty quickly. It feels empty compared to normal, and for the first time in a long time, he’s dreading the long week ahead of him.

As he gathers the rest of his groceries, he heads to the check-out line, pulling Kojo away from the soda and cereal lining the shelves. Being a Sunday night, the place is practically empty, and Tim passes 1, then 2, 3, 4 empty lanes. The cashiers all look tired and bored out of their minds, staring at the clock as they await the sweet release of freedom when their shift ends. 

At lane 5, he finally turns in and makes his way to the conveyor belt as Kojo inspects the candy and hair ties hanging behind them.

“Find everything okay?” the cashier says sweetly. She hasn’t looked up yet and is weighing Tim’s vegetables, too busy to notice the red color flushing over her customers face.

“Yeah, yeah, thanks,” he says quietly, but the sound of his voice seems to catch her attention, because the dog falls from her hand and whips her head up for the first time.

“Sorry,” she mutters as she bends down to pick them up. Instead of standing up once the bag is back in her hands, she stays crouched under the protection of the counter, collecting herself. 

The twenty seconds she remains out of his view are the longest 20 seconds of his life, and he holds his breath until the familiar rosy cheeks and honey brown locks are back in front of him. He can tell by the slight tremor in her hands that he’s clearly startled her, which was obviously not his intent. She’s silent, too quiet for his liking. He’s not used to silent being around her, and right now he takes back every joke about her constant talking.

“Will you be paying cash, or card?” she asks shakily, clearly struggling to avoid eye contact as she punches some numbers into the keypad.

“Uh, card please,” Tim responds. He reaches into his pack pocket and pulls out his wallet. In doing so, he unintentionally tugs on Kojo’s leash, making the canine aware of his surroundings. He sniffs the ground intensely until he recognizes a familiarity nearby. 

Before Tim can even attempt to pull back on his leash, he’s running behind the counter and jumping all over the poor cashier. 

Because it’s Lucy. And Kojo knows Lucy. Kojo loves Lucy; he can’t keep his paws off of her, more uncontrollable than Tim, her boyfriend.

She bends down to pet him as his nails dig into her faded out skinny jeans. Embarrassment flows through Tim as his dog slobbers all over her green polo, but she doesn’t seem to mind.

“Kojo! Down!” he huffs, but Kojo doesn’t seem to care about his owner's demands.

“It’s okay! We’re the only grocery store that allows pets, so this happens more often than you think,” she explains with a smile as she gently pushes Kojo away. And maybe bringing Kojo was a better idea than it started off to be, because she seems to have a newfound sense of tranquility.

She brushes her hands against her jeans and turns her attention back to the transaction, reaching out for Tim’s credit card. Her fingers spend a little longer than they should on the card, their skin mere centimeters apart. If there weren’t cameras practically hanging around her neck like an Albatross, she would never let go. But she has to, so she pulls it from his grip and swipes it through the machine, running her thumb across the plastic as it processes.

“Here you go, sir,” she says as she hands him back his card. He nods a thank you, but he can hear the disappointment lining her tone as their interaction comes to an end.

Lucy is almost finished, holding the last plastic bag out, but she retracts her arm before Tim can end their encounter.

“You know, you have a lot of stuff. It’s not really busy here, so I don’t mind helping you carry them out to your car,” she suggests in that cheery tone she carries with her always. “Especially since you have that one on your hands,” she giggles, motioning to Kojo.

“Oh, that would actually be great,” Tim smiles, and Lucy immediately closes her lane and walks out from behind the counter. She grabs half of the plastic bags and leads Tim out of the door. She doesn’t need to ask him where he’s parked, because she can spot his blue-gray truck from anywhere. 

“You shouldn’t be here,” Lucy whispers, but her body is mechanically inching towards Tim. 

“I know,” he responds, but there isn’t a hint of regret lining his tone. “I miss you.”

“Clearly you’re not the only one,” Lucy scoffs, pointing down to the canine who’s been trailing next to her ankles the entire walk. “I missed you too.”

“So, how is everything going?” he asks quietly. He’s suddenly thankful that he chose to park in the last possible spot, meaning that he could soak up every single second of Lucy, like a bad drug. 

“It’s okay. The store’s been pretty slow recently. If things don’t pick up soon, I don’t think they’ll need me as an employee anymore, so, yeah,” she explains vaguely, but Tim knows exactly what she’s talking about. When Harper and Lopez brought up this UC opportunity, they told her that it could very well be a dead-end mission. She had decided to go anyway, despite the cover job being a cashier at a local grocery store a couple of towns over. 

And even though she knew very well that Tim was breaking multiple rules by being here, she needed this. Between the frustration of a stagnant mission and more than a boring job, missing her old life, missing Tim, was becoming unbearable. 

“Well, I don’t think you’ll miss this job too much,” Tim chuckles as they approach his car. Lucy kicks her leg underneath the trunk, signaling it to open. She knows she shouldn’t have, but it’s mindless; second nature.

Both Lucy and Tim bathe in denial as they finish their task, soaking in their last moments with each other.

“Well, I should get back to work now,” Lucy says, breaking the silence. And for the first time all night, she looks Tim in the eyes. Her gaze traces the watercolors spread across his iris, drawing her into a trance. She notices that his eyebags are more prominent than usual, which is most likely her doing. She wishes that he didn’t worry about her, but it’s useless; God isn’t answering her prayers anytime soon.

If she stays in his presence any longer, she worries that she’ll burst out into tears, so she holds out her hand for one last time. Tim reluctantly entwines his hand with hers, shaking it as he nods. 

“Thank you,” he smiles, looking down at the name tag pinned to her cheap polo, “Crystal.”

“You’re welcome, sir.”

And as their hands separate, it feels as if a piece of Tim’s heart is being ripped away. He wants to scream and shout, running after her as she walks away against the sunset. But he can’t. Hell, if anyone finds out that he paid Lucy a visit today, he could lose his badge.

So he gets in his car and drives away, Kojo barking the entire way home. 

At least he’s not the only one who’s heartbroken. 

 

2.

Tim knows that walking into a jewelry store the day before Valentine’s Day will be a mistake, and he isn’t surprised to find the place packed with panicked boyfriends and husbands. Unlike those around him, he’s calm and collected, perusing around without any sense of urgency. 

He sees a lot of pretty bracelets and necklaces that he knows will look great on Lucy - though, if you asked him, almost anything would look great on Lucy. After about 20 minutes of elbowing other customers just to get a good look at the jewelry, he finds a couple of pieces he thinks that Lucy will enjoy. 

“She’ll take you over there, sir,” one of the sales assistants instructs, pointing to a frantic woman behind the counter. Beads of sweat rest on her forehead as she furiously scans a small pair of stud earrings, clearly trying to get the customer out of line as quickly as she can. He joins the line, which isn’t long, and waits his turn with bated breath.

The worker is so busy trying to fast-track the sales process that he refrains from looking up, reaching out her hand to grab the jewelry from Tim as she simultaneously pulls out a new roll of receipt paper. But she reaches too far and her hands trail along Tim’s. 

This time, it’s not his voice that alerts Lucy; it’s the pattern of his wedding band, a pattern that she knows like the back of her hand. The second her fingers brush over the plated gold, she pulls her hand away, as if it’s burned her.

He expects her to be relieved, finally catching a moment to breathe on this busy day. But instead of a smile, her face immediately turns red with anger, and Tim swears that steam visibly comes out of her ears. 

“What are you doing here?” Lucy whispers through gritted teeth. 

“I’m just buying jewelry for a special girl,” he winks, hoping the joke will ease the tension. It doesn’t.

“You need to leave,” she asserts in a hushed tone.

“What?”

“I can’t see you right now. You’re going to distract me and blow my cover. Leave.”

She doesn’t even look at him. She doesn’t watch as she shatters his heart into a million pieces. She might as well get a broom and start sweeping, because he’ll be right there in that moment forever, replaying her insistence over and over again like a broken record.

Without saying goodbye, he turns and walks right out of the store, abandoning all of the selections. 

“Hey Maia, what was up with him? Seemed pretty into what he picked,” one of the sales assistants asks Lucy as she resets her point-of-sale system.

“I don’t know. Backed out at the last second,” she shrugged. She shook her head and eliminated all of the distractions, turning her focus back to the growing line of customers.

___

Lucy forgets all about her interaction until the end of her shift. If she was being honest, she sort-of missed the quiet of her last UC operation. This one had twists and turns at every angle, and she always had to have her guard up. Things were happening right under her nose, things she never thought she’d have to see in her entire lifetime, and even one wrong mistake would get her killed. 

Her last task of the day was to clean up everything left out of their cases, and it was only when she found Tim’s order, shoved to the side of the register, did she remember his unexpected visit.

It was completely inappropriate and dangerous, her anger returns as she remembers how flustered she was when she recognized him.  She knew that he missed her more than words could explain, and of course she missed him too, but she failed to recognize that she was busy. Busy meant that she had less time to worry and miss her boyfriend, and that in itself was a privilege. 

Nonetheless, she just needs to put them away, and then she can go home and yell at him through her burner phone.  Out of curiosity she examines what Tim had picked out, guessing that it was meant for her return.

The first item was a silver necklace with a small butterfly pendant attached to it, little blue stones lining the wings. Lucy’s heart melted a little bit once she saw it, because she loved it. It was right up her alley: subtle, but also delicate and intricate. 

But it was the second item that helped Lucy’s anger subside. She opened up a small velvet box, finding a pair of stud earrings sitting together. They were moonstones. Just like the ring she dropped the day she was kidnapped. Tears welled in her eyes as she stared down at the earrings, and that silly little pit of despair began to form in her stomach once again. 

And hell, it was if they were made for her. So she opened the register back up and bought them. Seconds later, she tore them out of the box and placed them in her ears. And the world went quiet. So quiet that she could hear the birds chirping and trees rustling in the wind. She couldn’t remember the last time she actually listened. 

Before she absolutely burst into tears right in the jewelry shop, she went to close the box and head home. But she found a little piece of paper sticking out from underneath the paper stand the earrings occupied. She pulled it out and unfolded it, not surprising to find Tim’s handwriting spread out across the crumpled page. 

For the girl that I’ll always find my way back to. No matter what.

She wants nothing more than to be with him right now. She wants him to wipe her tears, or see the smile spread across her face. But he’s not there.

 

3.

Lucy has taken on a number of occupations through her undercover career, some more interesting than others. She’s played more roles than she could count, and has really enjoyed the majority of them. But by far, being a bartender has proved to be her favorite undercover position. The job introduced her to so many interesting people, and she loved to learn new stories about seemingly normal customers.

It was more personal, and sometimes it didn’t feel like she was undercover. While all of her undercover operations forced her to become a different character, this mission had her feeling like a brand new person. She was airy and light on her feet, never a care in the world as she ran behind the counters, grabbing all kinds of alcohol. 

And her favorite part of the job was definitely her coworkers. They were all younger, but undeniably sweet and social. She’d stayed up late and drank with them more times than she should have, but it was okay to have fun sometimes… right?

“We’ve got a new face in the bar!” one of the other bartenders, Ethan, had announced. Given that the bar was in the middle of a small town, it wasn’t often that someone wasn’t a regular.

Everyone had gathered around with Ethan, excited to introduce themselves to the new meat on the other side of the counter.

“Everyone, meet Tim!” Ethan continued, and Lucy didn’t need to look to know. And this time, she wasn’t startled or mad. She was happy.

“Hello Tim, nice to meet you!” she said with a smile, reaching her hand out to shake her boyfriends.

“Hi, what’s your name?” he asks, subtly brushing his thumb along the palm of her hand.

“Jade. Can I get you anything, Tim?” she's rocking back and forth on her heels, practically bouncing with excitement.

“Surprise me,” Tim says, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms.

“Alrighty,” Lucy sings, turning around on her heels as she decides what to make him. Lucky for him, she knows exactly what he likes. Unlucky for her, Tim is boring, and he really only consumes beer. 

But she’s in a playful mood, so she decides to force Tim completely out of his comfort zone by making him a complex concoction of vodka, gin, and a blend of fruit juices.  Tim’s brows furrow once he examines the drink, his mind sure of the fact that it’s going to be either too sweet or strong for him.

“Oh, come on, just try it!” Lucy urges, and Tim eventually concedes. He’s pleasantly surprised to find that the drink tastes nothing like it looks: it’s the perfect blend of flavors, and it doesn’t feel strong at all.

“So, Tim, pretty good, right?” she bites her lip, tapping her fingers along the counter. 

“Yeah it is, thanks Jade,” he chuckles, setting the drink down. “So, how are things going?”

“Honestly, I really like it here. The people are great, and being a bartender is more fun than it looks!” she answers, waving her hands to display the array of liquor behind her. 

“That’s great. But um, what about the other stuff?” he asks in a hushed whisper.

“Well, that part is not so great. Whatever they’re doing next door would not mix well with what we’re selling. I hope that they move out soon, because a lot of people could get hurt.”

Tim nods, understanding completely. Drugs and alcohol don’t mix. 

And now that he knows the important information, he decides to draw from Lucy’s free-spirit and have a little bit of fun. 

“So Jade, are you seeing anyone?” he asks slyly, and she opens her mouth to answer, but her coworker sneaks up behind her and joins the conversation.

“She’s super quiet about it, but she’s got a guy back home. Moved out here to make a little cash, but I’ve got a feeling that she’ll be outta here soon. We can all tell that he’s sooo in love with this guy, whoever he is,” Lexie explains.

“Lex! It’s not like that,” she giggles, swatting her friend away. “What about you, Tim?’

“Oh, I'm actually married. My girl’s away on a business trip, so I’m trying to find ways to fill my time before she comes back,” he explains, and Lucy is nodding her head as if she’s completely unaware.

“Well, if you’re spending a Tuesday night here, you must really miss her.”

“Yeah, I really do. But this trip was important to her, and missing her is a small price to pay for her happiness.” His words are genuine and pure; Lucy wishes that she could lean over the counter and grab his face, pulling him into a slow, long kiss. 

“I’m sure it’s hard for her to be away, too. I’m sure she misses you more than you know,” she explains softly.

“Yeah, I’m sure she does.”

And she wants to stay there forever, joking around with playful conversations until the hour hand on the clock breaks from exhaustion. But she’s got a bar full of customers to tend to, so she slips away before she won’t have the willpower to.

“Alright, Tim, enjoy your drink. Holler if you want a refill.” He nods and thanks her as she saunters off around the bar. 

Tim watches as she works hard, dancing and singing along with the other bartenders as they serve happy customers. He can see her laughing and smiling as she works, and it fills his heart with more joy than he knew he was capable of. As she turns around, he notices the red bow hanging around her ponytail.  It matched her maroon lipstick perfectly, and he’s mesmerized by the way it bounces along with the rest of her hair. He liked it when she had her hair up, which was a rare occasion, because he got to enjoy all of her face.

Eventually, she makes her way back over and checks on him.

“How are we doing, Tim?”

“I’m doing great, thank you. It’s busy here, when do you get off tonight?” he asks, and Lucy catches on to his intent right away.

“My shift ends at 1 a.m. Luckily I live in the apartments right over on the next block.”

“Oh, that’s nice and convenient.” He looks around to make sure that nobody’s looking, and leans over her shoulder, whispering, “i’ll wait at your place until your shift ends.”

“Okay,” Lucy giggles, the sensation of Tim’s lips on her ear making her feel more drunk than any alcohol could.

“Oh, and one more thing,” Tim calls out before he leaves. 

“Keep the bow in.”

 

Notes:

kudos if you spotted the reference to one of my past series, "invisible string!"
hope you enjoyed this one, i always appreciate feedback. thank you for reading <3

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