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Back pressed against the chair and slightly hunched, arms crossed over her chest, cheeks puffed, a duck-like pout and the biggest scowl she had ever spotted, there was Pinoko, glaring with the sharp of a scalpel towards Black Jack, who was leaning relaxed against his seat, in his hand a cup of coffee—he sported an uninterested look, sipping at his coffee without bothering with all that bad energies sent his direction.
For his part, Doctor Kei Kisaragi, seated beside Black Jack and in front of Pinoko—who was fuming like a steam train at full march—, drummed his fingers against the table, his cup forgotten as he alternated his gaze from the scarred doctor to his assistant and back.
“I. Am. Your. Wife.” Pinoko uttered between gripped teeth, her nails scrapping against her arm. “You can’t do this to me!”
“I don’t remember signing any paper saying so.” Black Jack retorted with a relaxed tone and looking away from the girl, shrugging his shoulders.
Kei was simply seated there, in silent—he both didn’t know what to say in this situation nor wanted to put himself mid-fire, he would rather leave the two members of the family he was joining sort out this between them. He wasn’t interested in the 5-years-old-actually-18-years-old snapping at him.
Some screaming there, some tears then and a long explanation of the weird Frankenstein situation of Pinoko later, both men entered a tentative relationship that eventually became the closest that a hidden relationship could get to official. And, of course, with Pinoko being Black Jack’s pseudo assistant/daughter/roommate/”wife”, she had to get in the loop.
And Kei could only remember an article he read once on a psychology magazine about the psycho-sexual relation between children and the paternal figure of their opposite sex—including hostility when said parent starts a relationship and introduces the new paramour.
“Cannot belwieve this! Whewe is my wespect!?” Pinoko suddenly stood on her chair, slamming her chubby hands against the table, shaking it, and making the china clatter. At this, Kei jumped in his seat, glasses slightly slipping down his nose, but Black Jack remained uninterested. The doctor of the dark was more than used to his little protégé’s temper tantrums. “How can you have the guts to cheat in fwont of my face!?”
No amount of drunk sailors fighting had been this stressing in Kei’s experience. He felt the young girl was about to explode any time now like ticking time bomb.
Growing some (metaphorical) balls, Kei straightened his back, placed his hands in front of him and a pleasant smile in his lips, finally deciding to meddle in the conversation.
But the way Black Jack smiled against the cup, sly eyes eyeing him form the corner of his eyes with amusement lowered his conviction a bit. That was a bad omen.
“Pinoko, I’m sure the doctor wanted to tell you earlier but this kind of- er, affair are complicated.” Kei started with an even, patient tone, fixing his glasses in the process. Having to deal with a human shaped teratoma convinced she was married to her guardian was one the most bizarre things he had done so far—and that was saying a lot, he had seen some shit.
But above all, he wanted him and Pinoko to get along, both cared for Black Jack after all, and he genuinely liked her.
But it seemed his intentions only seemed to redirect her hostilities from Black Jack all around to him.
Her head snapping, short hair whipping against her cheeks, Pinoko looked at him with burning rage inside her eyes.
“You… you…!” Pinoko breathed heavily, hands gripping the tablecloth between her fists until she finally screaming with her full pulmonary capacity. “You seductwess!”
Kei felt so utterly flabbergasted that he could only stare dumbfounded, absolutely speechless.
It wasn’t in his bingo being called a homewrecker to his face.
Suddenly, a loud laughter erupted from besides him. Both Pinoko and Kei with wide open eyes looked at Black Jack, who had left aside his cup and grabbed his stomach while he slapped his forehead and cackled as a mad man, clearly amused by their weird, little conversation.
“But Pinoko, you silly goose.” He suddenly said with a peacemaker tone, one you would use on a child to appease them. Then, he patted Kei in the shoulder, shaking him slightly as he added with the same jocose tone: “Kei is a man; he cannot be a seductress, rather he’s a seductor.”
“That’s your useful commentary!?” Kei asked in an aggressive tone, slapping the hand of the moron he was in love with—which made him a worse moron in retrospective.
For a moment, enlighten reached Pinoko, who peacefully seated down with a blank look in her face, as if she wasn’t ready to throw a saucer at their faces a second ago.
“Fair.” The young lady conceded, a slight frown back in her face, pointing with an accusatory finger at Kei, who mimicked by pointing at himself with his own index finger, cold sweat running down his face—he was starting to get scared what will be next bomb dropped by her. “But I’m the wife and you’we just the husband. I’m still the one in chawge here, don’t you fowget! I’m just being nice and shawing!”
“I’m the what?” Kei asked baffled at the sudden change of tune. As well as Pinoko’s out of pocket conclusion.
Leaving a huff out, a serene expression in her face, Pinoko flipped her coffee cup, spilling what was left over the table and stomped outside the house, smacking the front door with such strength that the whole house quaked, the old clock hanging by one of the walls resulting in a side casualty, falling into the ground, and busting its crystal.
Kei winced at that.
That went horrible.
But that was just him; grabbing his chair and dragging it closer to Kei’s, Black Jack side hugged him, pushing him closer and smooching him in the cheek.
“Well, that went better than expected, husband.” Black Jack said without a care in the world, chuckling as he emphasized the husband word, clearly having the best day of his life at everyone’s expenses.
And Kei was starting to question all of his life choices.