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Tomura Shigaraki was not good at feelings. Perhaps he was once long ago, when he still knew the comforting touch of his mother or the rush of childhood play. He doesn’t quite remember it that way though. Even then, he shut down over the simplest of emotions. As the years passed, he found that the only things he truly needed to feel were hate and anger. That’s what was expected of him, what his master told him that he needed to feel.
So why now did he want to learn to feel something else? What was so special about you that made such a broken man want to explore the fluttering he felt in his chest when something good happened; when he looked at you? Neither of you knew. All you did know is that today, a day like any other, Tomura Shigaraki had kissed you.
The pair of you had been sitting on the floor of his room, playing some shooter that you didn’t know the name of but had enjoyed playing regardless. You had just made the shot that won your party the game, the pair of you jumping up in excitement and parading around the room. Tomura beamed at you, his smile splitting his lips quite literally. That smile descended on you then. It was chaste, to be sure. A fleeting peck of his scarred, chapped lips over your own. Tomura had pulled back quickly after, his face flushed like the most precious red gem, and tugged at his hair.
“Shit. Shitshitshit. Why did I do that?” He looked at you with wide eyes, “Why did you let me?” A hand jumped to his neck, beginning to itch lightly. You reached over and took that hand in your own, gently holding it, knowing he’d scratch himself raw otherwise. Tomura looked at you with such frantic eyes, like just touching him was something dangerous.
“It’s okay, it’s okay!” You said softly, a flush on your cheeks. Tomura still looked panicked, his chest heaving. You nuzzled your face into his hand, “I’ve wanted you to Tomura, I’m not upset."
He looked at you, confusion written clearly over the ragged planes of his face. “You wanted me to do that? Why would you want my slobbery mouth on yours? What even was that?”
You looked at him puzzled before it clicked. You’d thought the man was admonishing himself, but he genuinely didn’t know why he had kissed you, or why you would want to kiss him. Your heart ached in your chest for him. You knew that he wasn’t quite used to interaction with others outside of his desolating past, and had assumed that this was very likely his first kiss, but you didn’t know just how stunted his emotional growth was.
You smiled at him with so much affection it hurt and brought his hands to your lips placing a kiss on his rough palm. Four of his five fingers brushed feather soft against your cheek. A very quiet, very brief whine sounded from the back of the other’s throat.
“It was a kiss, just like that.. You’ve heard of them before, haven’t you?”
“I’m not an idiot,” he snapped, “I just…didn’t know they were like that.”
“Like what?” You asked, genuine.
He looked down, hiding his face behind his bangs, “Comfortable…warm and good. Like it’s everything I’ve ever wanted.”
Your heart jumped into your throat at the words. You swallowed.
“T-they can be when you’re interested in someone romantically. Kisses can be friendly too, those just usually aren’t on the mouth like you just did.” You bit your lip, “ I won’t be upset if it wasn’t romantic though, you just have to tell me how you feel.”
Tomura’s brow knit in confusion. He sat there for a moment, his breaths coming in shakily. You couldn’t make it all out, but you could see that he was unsure.
“I—I don’t know. I’ve never felt this way before.” He sounded frustrated, like he wanted to yell but there wasn’t quite enough energy built up in him to do so. “I’ve never wanted to touch someone else the way I want to touch you. It drives me crazy…but I want to do it again.”
“Kiss me?” You asked simply.
The man nodded warily. His face remained unsure and, though he’d likely never willingly admit it, he seemed nervous.
Slowly you switched your positions, holding his face in your hands and guiding his gaze back to your face so you could look at him seriously. “I can do that. I would love to, but I want you to tell me to stop if you change your mind. Even if your feelings are romantic and you’re just overwhelmed, okay?”
He huffed indignantly but gave another nod, “Fine.” Then, he stood there, looking at you expectantly.
You smiled and leaned in to kiss his cheek, then the corner of his mouth, and finally his lips. Tomura must’ve been holding his breath because it all rushed out of him through his nose as you worked your lips over his. He’s so still, standing there with a stiff body and lips unmoving.
You pulled back with a faint huff of laughter, “You can do it back, sweetheart. Just follow what I do, okay?”
He swallowed and nodded, closing his eyes and leaning in again. You continue, swooping in and taking his lips. Awkward as it is, he moved with you and eventually he’s leaning into it. His arms wrapped around you, the heels of his hands just barely touching your body, while his fingers curled in toward his palms. “Don’t be afraid to touch me, Tomura. I want to feel you.” You told him between kisses.
He whined and you could feel his body tense, but he relented and let the first three fingers and thumbs on each hand roam your sides, his pinkies hovering away cautiously. You let your own hands cradle his nape, fingers brushing through the long, ashen hair there, as you guided your bodies toward his bed.
When the back of his legs came to the edge, you helped him lower himself down until the top of his body was lying comfortably atop of his sheets. You followed, kneeling over him in a way that allowed for him to make an escape, if need be.
The two of you kissed like this for quite some time, hands lazily exploring torsos and lips wandering to jawlines. You pulled back to look at him, his eyes glazed over with want and longing. It warmed you to see him like this as he’s usually so distant and cold. All you’ve ever wanted was to see him content and now you had it. You could easily lose yourself in it.
“You’re so beautiful, Tomura.” You whispered, fondly.
Beneath you, crimson eyes widened. Tomura laid there looking at you in disbelief, floundering.
“I’m dry, wrinkled, and covered in scars. I’m a murderer.” He protests.
“That doesn’t make you any less beautiful to me, sweetheart.”
His face twisted in frustration and he sat up, leading you to sit up beside him on the bed. He sat there for a moment looking down at his hands, his face once again hidden by the curtain of his hair. You brushed one of the offending strands to the side and rested it on his cheek, looking at him with such longing.
He had grown so much since the two of you had met. From the prince of villainy to a man recovering. You knew how far he still needed to go, but he was beautiful inside as well.
Tomura remained silent and nearly still, trembling. You weren’t sure if it was in anger or fear, but you proceeded carefully.
“I see more than that. I know you might not believe it and that you’re probably experiencing a great deal of new emotions right now. I don’t want to overwhelm you, but you need to know that you’re more than your past and you are more than your flaws.”
He looked back at you, still incredulous. “Why are you telling me this? What is there to gain?”
“I don’t care about gaining anything. I care about you and I want you to know how much you deserve to be loved.”
A wheeze left the man, like he had been punched. His face shifted into something softer and then it crumpled into tears. Tomura leaned his head against yours and silently sobbed.
“I—I don’t. I’m not..” He whispered, strained.
You wiped the tears from his eyes. “I’m telling you the truth, Tomura. You’re not the monster you were made to think you are. I know you might not believe it, but I do.”
“Okay.” Was his only reply. The warmth of his shuddered breath ghosted your lips. You pulled away slightly and kissed the forehead that had just been resting against your own. “Come lay with me?” You asked quietly.
He nodded and you guided him to lay on your chest. Your arms wrapped around him and you laid there and listened to the sound of his breath evening into time with yours.