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It was the day of shooting for the new episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, the Last Roundup at Hasbrony Studio’s. Rainbow Dash and her estatic co-star chatted casually by the water cooler situated against a slate of plywood bolted to the wall as Hasbrony, the head honcho of the studio, strut confidently onto the set. He was a heavyset white colt with a thinning mane wearing a bright navy suit, cream colored button shirt, as well as wearing a tan necktie tucked under the suit. The stage lights clicked on and suddenly started to focus on the central strip of fabric that would pertain to the first scene of the day in ponyville, the mayor’s main office. Cameras were primed by a tan colt wearing a small earpiece. Twilight Sparkle, sitting in a monogrammed canvas chair off to the side of the set, was balancing a pile of notes for the episode on her lap. As Hasbrony galloped slowly by her, she looked up and waved at him, quickly returning her attention to her pile of notes.
Hasbrony, looking around, studied the set for a beat and turned to Amy, the director. She was sitting in a canvas chair by the edge of the brown mat that closed the fourth wall. “I read over your notes this morning, why was I not informed that one of the extras were going to have a speaking role today?” Clearing his throat quietly as Amy looked up at him from his chair, “Every time one of the extras speak, it is always passed by my office first.”
“I'm sorry sir, it's just that this particular extra is pretty popular with our fans. We haven't even mentioned her name before and I wasn't sure you would understand the notes.” She blew off some dirt from her megaphone, and looked back to Hasbrony. “They helped name her and gave her a unique and lovable personality which I believe you would approve.”
“Oh they did, hm?” Hasbrony huffed out his chest slightly. “Ah the generosity of a child. I'm almost a little upset that they will not receive any paycheck for it.”
“Oh, I’m sure just seeing her speak and perform will be enough enjoyment for them, sir.”
Hasbrony began scoping the set, “There is an entire group of children who named her?”
“Well, sort of.” Amy steadied herself a little. “See, her name is-”
Suddenly a loud call echoed over the entire studio.
“QUIET ON THE SET!” the camera colt’s raspy voice called, as Amy immediately took her attention from Hasbrony to the set.
“Alright, Dash, you and Ms. Hooves, front and center, ponies!” Amy cheerfully called to the ponies by the water cooler. They casually tossed their paper cups and found their marks on the set. “Check the lightning, please.” Amy replied to the stage hand cheerfully, and a bright bolt of lightning shot from the ceiling, hitting a bouncy rubber cloud prop that was suspended on the stage by a stagehand unicorn.
“Are we on time for the shoot?” said a pony from behind the crew. Hasbrony turned around spotting a young dark brown female pony with her small filly daughter, whose caramel colored eyes were slightly askew.
“Right on time, Miss Heliparent, but we are recording so please, no talking on the set.” Hasbrony said quietly, sitting at his desk and pulling out a stack of papers from a stubborn drawer.
“Oh, sorry.” Heliparent whispered as Amy set up the shot behind Hasbrony. “My daughter here loves the show, and she wanted to be sure we were the first to get the new episode.”
“Yes, yes, I got your message.” Hasbrony said cheerfully. Amy cleared her throat loudly and called for marker.
“Action!” She said without further inclinations to Hasbrony and Heliparent talking very quietly behind her. She turned her attention to the small black and white monitor at her station, her mind set that the muttering behind her would not show up on the soundtrack. She pointed her right hoof at a sound booth where Vinyl Scratch started the music for the scene. The camera zoomed in on the fabric backdrop as Rainbow Dash clutched the prop banner, tacking it to the side of the set. The lightning hit on cue, pretending to nearly hit her, as she rolled her eyes.
“Now, Careful, Derpy!” she said.
“RAINBOW!” Twilight yelled as she shot up from her canvas chair, the pile of notes fluttering all around. Amy was shocked by this sudden interruption as the cameras turned to Twilight and continued to roll as she had neglected to call a cut. Twilight turned and saw the shocked look on Heliparent’s face on the other side of Hasbrony’s desk. Hasbrony, himself, looked over his shoulder, a look of horror in his eyes. “I-I-I'm sorry, ma'am, she's she's-” Twilight tumbled over her tongue to the horrified looking pony.
“Miss Heliparent, I'm so sorry-” Hasbrony tripped over his desk in shock quickly running towards her direction.
“She didn't really just say what I think she said.” Heliparent said in an appalled voice.
“What? Derpy?” Rainbow Dash said, leaving her mark on set, hovering lazily behind Hasbrony's hulking figure.
“RAINBOW!” Twilight shouted again, nearly pummeling Dash into the ground as she galloped towards her. Hasbrony turned at her much too quickly for someone with such a large frame.
“WHAT THE BUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?” he shouted down at Rainbow as she cowered into the floor, and started shaking softly. Derpy Hooves still stood confused on the rubber cloud, waiting obediently for the director to step in and correct her scene.
“I want my bits back right now.” Heliparent said angrily to Hasbrony. He turned back to her, his face flushed with enraged embarrassment.
“Of course, Ma'am. Um, you know what?” Hasbrony ruffled through his desk, taking several small pieces of paper from a drawer and passing them along the desk. “Here, take the episode from iRave, on us.” Heliparent shook her head violently, forcing the pieces of paper back across the desk.
“Oh no no no, I'm not watching something that was cooked up by some,” she looked angrily to Rainbow Dash who had slowly recovered to her feet. “HATEmonger!” She finished, pure venom oozed in her throat.
“I'll watch it mama” her tiny daughter said sort of dully. “I'm not offended.”
“What's offensive?” Rainbow Dash said hysterically. “Derpy?” Before anypony knew it, Heliparent lunged at the desk, attempting to vault over it and pummel Dash to the ground.
“Why you little!” She cried in rage as her daughter tugged on her hoof, trying to hold her back.
“Calm down, mama, it ain't worth it!” she said with stressed strain in her voice. Heliparent loosened her grip on the desk and took a deep breath as every pony in the room stared at her frightened.
“You are just lucky that my precious child was here, else I would jump across this desk and knock your teeth in.” she said, rage expressed in her quivering voice as she stared down Rainbow Dash.
“WHY!?” Rainbow Dash asked loudly, dumbfounded by what was causing all the ruckus. The young filly started tugging again on her mother's hoof.
“Yeah, mama, why? We call each other 'derpy' all the time in class, it's funny!”
“Hey! Hey!” Heliparent forced under her breath as she lightly knocked her daughter in the shoulder.
“C'mon Ma, stop hitting on me – see, Pop told you about that, you gotta stop doing that!”
“Here, take this-” Hasbrony suddenly cutting in on the conversation, pushed more small papers across the table, and fishing his bits from the register. “this is your money, please, take some episodes on us. We're very sorry.”
“Oh, uh-uh” Heliparent said, disgusted by the offer. “I'm gonna write to the Equestrian Press about this, and y'all getting fired up in here.” Hasbrony stifled a fit of rage as Heliparent turned to walk to the door. Her daughter puffed her mouth as she grinned up at Hasbrony.
“I'm gonna take the episode.” she said, taking a voucher from the desk politely and smiling at Hasbrony. “Thank you, sir!” Hasbrony sighed loudly as she turned and walked to her mother who had turned quickly taking the voucher from her daughters mouth, and tore it to shreds, littering the floor. “AWW! MA!”, cried the young filly as she saw the pieces fall slowly.
“Thanks, come again!” Hasbrony called after them. Heliparent huffed out of the office, her daughter trying to keep up.
“Wait for me, mommy!” She called, going out of the set as the door closed slowly, finally cracking against the doorway. Suddenly Hasbrony turned his attention to Rainbow Dash, who was now exchanging confused looks with Derpy, who was still obediently standing on her rubber cloud.
“Are you out of your bucking mind?!” Hasbrony screamed at her. Instead of retreating into the floor, however, Rainbow flared her wings and lowered her eyebrows, furrowed to strike back.
“What?! What's the big deal?! Since when is it a crime to say Derpy?!”
“Oh, I don't know, since FOREVER?!” Hasbrony angrily shouted, his formerly white face positively pink.
“Why?” Dash asked again, replying in a perplexed fury in her tone.
“Because Derpy is a slur against the mentally handicapped!” Twilight said, shouting across the set as she began to stroll towards her. Rainbow fell back a bit, her rage subsiding with control as she chuckled quickly.
“No it's not, retard is.” Rainbow Dash replied in a sarcastic tone.
“RAINBOW!” Twilight yelled again as she was beginning to lose her patience.
Both Amy and Hasbrony couldn't help but stay silent through this argument as they wanted to hear the opinions of the cast members. Derpy, still befuddled by the argument, was still sitting leisurely on the prop cloud. She developed a daft interest in prodding at the rubber cloud with her hoof as the argument continued.
Fluttershy, upon entering the studio set, was suddenly engulfed in the tension between Twilight and Rainbow Dash as she was trying to find someone to rehearse lines with for the upcoming scene.
“Uh, excuse me, but-” everyone swiftly turned to face Fluttershy as she was standing behind them, completely oblivious to the still rolling camera directed at them. With a shy concerned voice she asks, “Did Rainbow just call Twilight a retard?”
“SHUT UP, FLUTTERSHY!” Hasbrony shouted at her, his frustration of the conversation at boiling point, making her retreat to a whimpering pile on the floor. Rainbow started to go to her and help her up. Derpy finally realized her cue was not going to come in this shot and quickly went to help Fluttershy up. Dash spoke directly to Fluttershy with a tone of vehemence.
“I wasn't calling Twilight a retard, I just said that retard is a slur.”
“So is Derpy!” Twilight relayed with such ire.
“No it is not!” Dash finally losing her temper. “Retard, Gimpy, Cripple, Downy, Mongoloid, Spazz, THOSE are slurs against mentally handicapped people, Derpy is not!” Hasbrony reacted as if he was about to retort, but instead took a deep breath that threatened to shoot the buttons from his suit across the room. He pressed his front hooves together tightly and took another breath.
“We are going to pretend like this conversation didn't happen.” He began to lower his hooves and turned to Fluttershy who was being offered some water by Derpy. “Fluttershy!” As Fluttershy heard those impacted words she jumps, squeezing her paper cup and splashing water on the floor. “Go pick up that bucking mess-” he turned instantly to Rainbow Dash “you are 'THIS' close to being CANCELLED!” once again he turned dangerously sharp and stormed past his desk toward the studio’s door. “SHOOT ME NOW!” He shouted out loud as he wrenched the door open, and grunting loudly as it slammed behind him, rattling on the hinges for some time. All eyes were on the shivering door. Amy, shocked by all the drama, quickly followed behind as to try and protect the show from being canceled. Soon after Amy left a silence bewitched the set for a moment until Twilight suddenly tore through that brief silence, turning on Rainbow.
“What are you doing!? Are you trying to get fired?!” Twilight shouted under her breath.
“Since when did Derpy become a slur?” Rainbow continued.
“When ignorant trolls started using it in image macros 15 years ago!”
“Oh, lighten up-” Rainbow Dash trotted slowly toward the desk, leaning back on it. “My Grammy used to call me a Derp all the time when I was a filly because I'd sit outside and make radical faces at my friends.
“Despite the fact that your grandmother might have used it as a term of endearment for you, it's still a slur. It'd be like your grandmother calling you an evil enchantress.” Twilight's breath was growing rapid.
“No it is not, plus my grammy had nothing but the utmost respect for the unicorn community. When I was a filly she'd tell me to always treat the unicorn fillies well, or they would force me to watch ‘The Craft’.” Twilight's jaw dropped as she stared silently at Dash for a beat.
“WHAT THE BUCK DASH?!” she screamed, dumbfounded.
“WHAT!?” Dash turned defensive, boring into Twilight's eyes.
“Saying all unicorns watch The Craft is a slur, too!” Twilight finally snapped.
“No it is not.” Dash said plainly.
“YES IT IS!” Twilight was at wits end. Rainbow pushed herself off the desk.
“Well she never CALLED any unicorns Enchantresses, she just used to say ‘The Craft’ a lot. It was cute!
“It wasn't cute, it was biased!”
“I disagree Twi,” Dash walked slowly past Twilight, looking at the stage where Derpy and Fluttershy were still trying to clean the spilled water with some old rags. “she was just an old timer, that’s the way ponies talked back then. Didn't mean they were biased...” Rainbow stopped, her eyes looming over a thought she had conjured up from her childhood. “But my grandmother did refer to a broken cider bottle once as a ‘zebra knife’.” Twilight's jaw slackened wider. Dash turned around to face her. “You know... Come to think of it my grandmother was kind of biased.”
“YOU THINK?!” Twilight blurted out in bewilderment. Dash pawed at the floor for a few seconds then seemed to collect her thoughts.
“No.. I-I still don't think Derpy should be considered a hurtful term.” Derpy looked up for a moment behind them, having finished cleaning up the mess, and started chuckling with Fluttershy as they trotted in their direction. “I mean, I've always used it to describe-” she pulled Derpy clumsily to her side as she walked beside her “silly and clumsy ponies,” she said, ruffling Derpy's mane, and releasing her, making her sway ominously. As Derpy tries to catch her balance, Fluttershy runs to her side, shifting her weight to keep Derpy from falling. “...not silly and clumsy HANDICAPPED ponies. I think if we really tried we could reclaim Derpy and save it...” Derpy shook her head, trying to make sense of what had just happened.
“Huh? Save me? What are they talking about?” she asked Fluttershy, who simply sighed and shrugged softly, walking Derpy to the studio door.
“It can't be saved, Rainbow. The sole purpose of it's creation-” Dash rolled her eyes, leaning back against the desk again. “the only reason it exists in the first place, is to disparage an entire group of ponies. And even if it could be saved, you can't save it because your not mentally handicapped!” Twilight began to catch her breath as Dash slowly turned her gaze to her.
“Well listen to you... Telling me I can't do something because my eyes aren’t crossed? You're the biased one.” Twilight threw up her hooves in frustration and stormed off toward the back of the stage. “I'm taking it back, you watch!” Dash called after her. The soft banging of the broken door bouncing off the doorway presented the arrival of Princess Celestia and her little sister Luna. Rainbow smiled and strutted over to the desk. “He-e-e-e-e-e-e-ey!” she said in a singsong tone as they stepped up to the desk. “What can I get for you, little Derpy?” she said to Luna. Princess Celestia begins to do a double take as Rainbow looks up at her.
But with a sly wink, Celestia says with her usual air of authority, “It's cool, I'm taking it back.” Thus Celestia and Luna proceed to depart from the studio and take the term Derpy in a more positive approach from then on.
The End.