Chapter 1: Toshi Makes a Tumblr
Summary:
what it says on the box
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right
Dockside Kidnapping
gotta say, did not appreciate being kept next to a pile of dead fish
the water sounds were nice tho
5/10
6 notes
Notes:
this chapter is basically a test chapter but others will have more substance
basic context is that the bois are 11, Toshi was board and here we are
Also, this is inspired by a post from @anerity_ on Youtube!
Chapter 2: Plz Stop
Summary:
Some people *cough* Izuku *cough*, aren't very supportive of Hitoshi’s new outlet of self expression
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right
Classic Kidnapping
got snatched right coming right out of school. white van and everything so that was nice
there were already like 4 other kids in the back. kinda cramped. perghaps if they didn't go for the sardine method they'd of had room for someone in the back to watch us
lady in the car behind us at the red light gave us a weird look when we left but i only had to walk like 5 minuets to get home so in the end
8/10
22 notes
if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right
EndeavorFanFlameEver asked:Can you fucking stop? Like I didn't say anything after your first post but do you know how insensitive this is? REAL people have REALLY gotten kidnapped and your making light of them by doing this. I hope you know your a horrible person. Fuck you
lol
also, it's you're. both times
19 notes
if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right
Sock Kidnapping
first of all, ew. second of all, eeeeewwwww
i’m not here to kink shame but like, don’t kidnap people so you can steal their socks
i definitely didn’t consent and i’m 99% sure the man with me didn’t either
also, have u heard of robbery? much easier and much less illegal while still getting ur socks
not that i approve
bird was cute tho
1/10
32 notes
swittlegoop
if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right
if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right
Sock Kidnapping
first of all, ew. second of all, eeeeewwwww
i’m not here to kink shame but like, don’t kidnap people so you can steal their socks
i definitely didn’t consent and i’m 99% sure the man with me didn’t either
also, have u heard of robbery? much easier and much less illegal while still getting ur socks
not that i approve
bird was cute tho
1/10
swittlegoop
He wanted to wear them, right? RIGHT?!!
32 notes
Notes:
I have so many different work skins cobbled together. It’s a wonder they haven't cannibalized each other yet.
The pacing or something with this is definitely off but I don’t know how to fix. So I’ma just keep going till I figure it out.
U lot enjoy this 5 am post, I’ll go enjoy my 5 am brownies. Or sleep. Actually, sleep sounds better
Chapter 3: That Post Looks a Little Familiar
Summary:
Tumblr doesn’t exist in a vacuum after all
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right
Boring Kidnapping
just another case of quirk/quirkless trafficking
i’m not saying i prefer the sock guy but at least he wasn’t boring
2/10
20 notes
you're_all_hellspawn
Bastard and Paint
9 notes
# The-Q-Community
She's A Witch!
(
)
Ok but why is it I get home from being kidnapped and see THIS: https://www.tumblr.com/Boring-Kidnapping on my dash? Like, I know everyone deals with the bullshit we go through in their own way but seriously???
ZeroTheHero
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I AM SO SORRY! That’s my friend and he refuses to stop -_-,
Granny Dewla
(
)
Tell your friend that it’s hilarious! I wish I had thought of that back in my day. Too bad I’m not getting kidnapped anymore!
ChimkenWings
(
)
No one wants ur saggy butt 😵
Granny Dewla
(
)
Kidnappers may not but the ladies sure do ;)
[Typing: ]
Notes:
I’m very much enjoying not having to spell check these because now the spelling mistakes add realism. They’re part of the ✨experience✨
Did you behold them? My children?!? They deserve to be beheld. (no, those are not their real names)
Also, any recommendation on how to make things more realistic would be great :)
Chapter 4: Izuku Joins the Chat
Summary:
What’s this??? Is someone opening up to someone else’s marvelous idea?
Chapter Text
if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right
48 notes
if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right
Crawlspace Kidnapping
FUCK YOU! Do you know how many spiders are in a crawlspace? TOO FUCKING MANY THATS HOW MANY. It was dark and they were skittering!!!! The ropes were easy to get out of but I didn’t want to move in case I touched a spider. Literally the worst.
0/10
-Zuku
134 notes
VampirePrincess if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right
if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right
Crawlspace Kidnapping
FUCK YOU! Do you know how many spiders are in a crawlspace? TOO FUCKING MANY THATS HOW MANY. It was dark and they were skittering!!!! The ropes were easy to get out of but I didn’t want to move in case I touched a spider. Literally the worst.
0/10
-Zuku
VampirePrincess
👀👀👀👀👀👀
134 notes
if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right arctic-clown-ranch
Liked by you're_all_hellspawn
if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right
arctic-clown-ranch
litl off brand 4 u. Not h8ting but whts this gtd with kidnapping?
if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right
now you know what to use as bait
69 notes
Chapter Text
if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right
Cricket Kidnapping
why… why were there so many crickets in your car?
🦗/10
-Toshi
291 notes
if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right you're_all_hellspawn
you're_all_hellspawn
Rare image of Paint living up to their demon potential
29 notes
if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right
AlienQueen asked:OMG I love ur blog’s vibe <3<3<3<3<3 but like how do you come up with all these ideas????? I don’t know what u were on for that last one but it’s so funny XD
thanks i guess
but i don’t come up with these. i just recap what happened irl
-Toshi
#if i was on something it would be sleep deprivation
52 notes
AlienQueen
U can’t tell me this doesn’t go on in @if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right’s private life (* ≧∀≦*)
468 notes
Notes:
🦗
Chapter 6: Maybe They’ll Learn
Summary:
Feedback is one of the best way to improve after all
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right
Sewer Kidnapping
PSA: the sewers are NOT a good kidnapping escape route
U will get lose and/or covered in unspeakable things
1/10
-Zuku
406 notes
if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right you're_all_hellspawn
you're_all_hellspawn
I think it’s Bastard’s turn with the braincell
50 notes
if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right AlienQueen
AlienQueen
U can’t tell me this doesn’t go on in @if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right’s private life (* ≧∀≦*)
if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right
Actually, this is more accurate
-Zuku
521 notes
if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right
Duck Kidnapping
at first i thought it was another cult. like, there were hundreds of rubber ducks, all staring at me. it was too creepy, even for me
after closer inspection, it seems like it was more of a weird rubber duck collection. all different types in mint condition. hero ducks? glass cabinet, far wall. country ducks? look up :)
twisted my ankle jumping out the third story window tho
9/10
-Toshi
683 notes
Notes:
Sewers, like air vents, tend to be a lot less glamorous irl than in fanfiction. He did indeed, burn the clothes. And Hitoshi, did get his cat hoodie
Chapter 7: r/Advice
Summary:
The account yet again breaches the Tumblr bubble
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
r/Advice · Posted by u/DaisyDillow 45 hours ago.
I think the posts from Tumblr blog “if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right” are real
Advice
if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right is a blog on Tumblr that posts ‘reviews’ for kidnappings they supposedly experience. I stumbled across the blog almost a year ago and thought (like I think anyone would) that it was a joke blog.
The blog: link
The posts are pretty comical and post once or twice a month from the perspective of two users. From this post we can assume they’re both in school. What level of schooling is unclear but I feel it’s unlikely they’re in college or uni. From interactions between the two we can tell that both use he/him and are presumably guys.
Now you may be saying, ‘how but what does this have to do with it being real’. Well, it sets up the context of the two being high school age or lower boys.
Which brings me to my encounter.
I was out for an evening jog when I hear what sounds like someone falling onto the ground, coming from an alley. I’m a little too curious for my own good and peak my head around the corner to see an 11-13 year old boy with lavender hair scrambling up off the ground. When they start heading my way I ducked back around the corner but I was able to hear them say “Tumblr is going to love this one” before running off with a limp. Not 20 seconds later (me still being too confused to move), a door slams open in the alley. At this point I feel like the common sense thing to do is hide so I duck behind a car parked close to the street. And not a moment too soon as I hear footsteps come out of the alley. One of the ones that came out yells a curse while another says that ‘he’s gone’. At that the two get in an argument about how one of them didn’t tie the ropes tight enough and the other should have cleared his collection from the room first because that’s how the boy escaped.
So I’m lokey freaking out at this point and stay hidden for another 10 minutes after they leave. Like holey fuck it sounds like I just watched someone escape a kidnapping. I walked my butt straight to the nearest police station and reported the whole thing of course but the interesting part happens when I get home and check Tumblr.
Because 12 minutes ago, if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right posted. This one labeled ‘Duck Kidnapping’. It proceeds to mention how his kidnappers tied him up in a room full of rubber ducks. And while that was funny he twisted his ankle jumping out the second story window wrong.
And that got my mind gears turning.
if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right: run by teen boys, posts just now, was tied up, in a room with a ‘collection’, jumped out a window, hurt his ankle
Shit I saw: the kidnapee was a teen boy, just happened, kidnappers mentioned tying them up and a collection, sounded like they fell, was limping, MENTIONED TUMBLR LIKING IT
TELL ME THAT’S ALL JUST A COINCIDENCE!!! You can’t and now I’m genuinely considered because if this one was real, I think all the other ones were too! Like nothing was different or off about this post to suggest this was the first real kidnapping and the kid seemed way too chill about what just happened.
So this all brings me to my point. Reddit, what should I do?
Like, I’ve got to do something right? Two kids are getting kidnapped on the regular!! That’s not normal!!! The thing is it’s so fucking insane I don’t know what I should be doing.
So please, tell me what I should do.
Edit: I live in Mustafu Japan
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Notes:
This was pretty difficult to figure out because a lot of the images that come with this skin don’t exist anymore but I got it working! Coming up with usernames is really fun :)
Chapter 8: Catnapping
Summary:
If you call it a catsona Toshi will peel you
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right
Cat Kidnapping
As far as kidnappings go, this might have had the best immediate aftermath. Like the actual kidnapping was kinda terrifying but after?
Have you ever been a cat? Because now I have and let me tell you, they have it good. You’ve never known bliss until you lay in a sunbeam for an hour with dark fur
Plus Toshi's favourite hero tried to take us home with him
9/10
-Zuku
791 notes
if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right
when they were coming at us like-
-Toshi
341 notes
you're_all_hellspawn
Life hates me.
I catch criminals every day and yet I couldn’t catch the two kittens I was trying to bring home after they wiggled out of my grasp.
28 notes
AlienQueen if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right
if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right
Cat Kidnapping
As far as kidnappings go, this might have had the best immediate aftermath. Like the actual kidnapping was kinda terrifying but after?
Have you ever been a cat? Because now I have and let me tell you, they have it good. You’ve never known bliss until you lay in a sunbeam for an hour with dark fur
Plus Toshi's favourite hero tried to take us home with him
9/10
-Zuku
AlienQueen
OMG adorable! What do your catsonas look like?
801 notes
Juko News
Mysterious ‘Cat Lady’ Arrested in Shocking Kidnapping Case
Anonymous Tip Leads to Capture of Woman Using Quirk to Transform Victims into Cats
Mustafa, Japan – Tanaka Yukiko, a 55-year-old woman, was arrested last evening following an anonymous tip led police to uncover her participation in an underground kidnapping ring. Tanaka, known for her reclusive lifestyle and love for cats, has been using her quirk, “Feline Form,” to transform people into cats, lasting 24 hours, enabling her to kidnap and transport them out of the city.
For months, Tanaka had been roaming various cities in Japan, abducting individuals seemingly at random; the use of her quirk making it nearly impossible for authorities to trace the disappearances. However, the anonymous tip detailed her quirk and its effects, claiming that Tanaka had attempted to kidnap them using it.
Armed with this crucial information, police were able to identify Tanaka. A raid on her hotel room revealed a cat that was, in fact, a person under the influence of her quirk. Hours ago the victim was released from the effects of her quirk and gave their statement, and Tanaka, who had been in custody, was officially arrested. Authorities are now investigating the extent of Tanaka’s activities and connection to a larger organisation.
AlienQueen if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right
if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right
Cat Kidnapping
As far as kidnappings go, this might have had the best immediate aftermath. Like the actual kidnapping was kinda terrifying but after?
Have you ever been a cat? Because now I have and let me tell you, they have it good. You’ve never known bliss until you lay in a sunbeam for an hour with dark fur
Plus Toshi's favourite hero tried to take us home with him
9/10
AlienQueen
OMG adorable! What do your catsonas look like?
if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right
Zuku was the fluffiest little gremlin. literally the most adorable thing i’ve seen in my life. just a ball of green black fur
i was 50% as floofy according to him. i had like, grey lavender fur? it was hard to tell in some lights
also if you call them catsonas again i will skin you like a grape
-Toshi
801 notes
Notes:
Aizawa is in his sleeping bag on Tumblr during home room lamenting about the missed cats
Chapter 9: Investigation
Summary:
The audience grows, as do the conspiracy theorists
Chapter Text
# if-u-kidnap-me-investigate-it-right
ColdSoba
(
)
I have found a new piece of evidence for the blog being real: https://www.jukonews.jp/23XX/01/02/jp/cat-kidnapper-found.html
.✦boggwater✦.
(
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OMG this… I feel like this proves it! Like this is a legit article from a legit news paper!!
DrowningInRainbow
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I agree the article is real but like couldn’t they have known about the kidnappings and seen the article? It was released a few days ago. They have to be inspired by something.
Birds-Aren’t-Real!!!
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ok but how would they know that there was a woman turning people to cats to kidnap them? like before the article (which was released AFTER the tumblr post) there was nothing I could find online about it
DrowningInRainbow
(
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You know, that’s honestly a good point. I think there’s a chance they know someone who works with the police or the newspaper but it’s fair to take it as evidence.
.✦boggwater✦.
(
)
ADD IT TO THE LIST!!!
DaisyDillow
(
)
General Info:
-The blog is run by Toshi and Zuku
-They use he/him pronouns
-The blog rates kidnapping a few times a month at most
Info:
-Toshi: looks 11-13 (seen by DaisyDillow), has lavender hair (seen by DaisyDillow and corroborated by the ‘Cat Kidnapping’ post)
-Zuku: has fluffy green black hair (stated by the ‘Cat Kidnapping’ post)
-They live in Mustafa Japan (seen by DaisyDillow and corroborated by Juko News)
-They both attend school (stated in ‘Classic Kidnapping’)
-Young/kids (stated in ‘Classic Kidnapping’)
Sources:
-DaisyDillow: the OG, seen Toshi in person after the ‘Duck Kidnapping’
-Juko News: has a credible article that supports the info shared by the blog, article released after the blog post ‘Cat Kidnapping’
DaisyDillow
(
)
We’re getting closer :D
[Typing: ]
Only_Mostly_Illigal_Doctor if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right
if-u-kidnap-me-do-it-right
Duck Kidnapping
at first i thought it was another cult. like, there were hundreds of rubber ducks, all staring at me. it was too creepy, even for me
after closer inspection, it seems like it was more of a weird rubber duck collection. all different types in mint condition. hero ducks? glass cabinet, far wall. country ducks? look up :)
twisted my ankle jumping out the third story window tho
9/10
-Toshi
Only_Mostly_Illegal_Doctor
Omg seriously guys. How could you not tell me about this! I've been missing out on this hilarity for months!!!
714 notes
# if-u-kidnap-me-investigate-it-right
AlienQueen
(
)
A new player enters the scene!
https://www.tumblr.com/Only_Mostly_Illegal_Doctor/6969696969696969?source=share
ColdSoba
(
)
Is that my brother?
[Typing: ]
MochiSunday21 points · 44 hours ago
Ok, I was sceptical at first but now I’m convinced and also concerned. I’d never heard of that blog before so I went through it with the idea that it’s all true and I can see it! This is so crazy!!!
IPutTheSoftInSoftware33 points · 42 hours ago
Maybe let the cops you talked to about the kidnapping before know? There should be a case open and at the very least your speculations should go down on the record. I don’t like your chances at them believing you because it is all quite far fetched but speaking out will do more good than harm.
HawksFan4111815 points · 40 hours ago
GO TO A HERO!!! They’re here to help and I know it may seem like you’re wasting their time but do it. They’ll know better on what to do than Reddit.
NobodysNull2 points · 37 hours ago
Did the kid have red shoes?
DaisyDillow8 points · 29 hours ago
I can’t remember. Why? Do you think you recognize them?
CrawlspaceCreep13 points · 31 hours ago
Oh please. You’re obviously lying for reddit clout. A weird thing to lie about but whatever floats your boat.
EmilyGrace491225 points · 30 hours ago
Where do you live? The laws will be very different from country to country.
DrowningInRainbow5 points · 6 hours ago
You really talked to the cops about what you saw? I live in Mustafa and I’d literally never. There’s like 3 good cops in the area I live. Seriously corrupt. Like I guess it depends where you were but if a kidnapping escape can happen in broad daylight it doesn’t sound that good. I’d say go to a hero but most of them are also shit. Just a note because you seem a little naive (no offence): whatever you do, avoid Death Arms. He’s got a better chance at killing you than the criminal if it’s something like mugging.
OneWithTheCommunity1 points · 23 hours ago
If you aren't in the know, it’s not your concern. Don’t go stirring up trouble. People like us are dealing with things just fine.
PokeyWokeyUrFace#4 points · 19 hours ago
???????