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If looks had power, Tech’s backup datapad would be a melted pile of metal and plastic.
The sergeant set down the device and rubbed his temples. Not for the first time, he wished he’d paid more attention in flash training to operating technology and coding and whatnot. Migraines had made focus difficult, but he should have tried harder to listen. Maybe if he had, then he wouldn’t be struggling so much to access the manifest for a commercial starship.
After a moment, Hunter lifted up the datapad and tried to access the information again. Once more, he couldn’t come up with results. The frowny face that signaled his failure mocked him at this point. He felt his hand curl into a fist in reaction.
For as long as he could remember, Hunter had been prepared to be the leader of his brothers. Being the eldest aside, he apparently presented the right temperament for leadership. Able to listen, able to keep cool under pressure, able to think on his feet, the list went on. His brothers, he’d been told, didn’t have the right fit for such a stressful position. Wrecker was too rambunctious and unfocused. Crosshair took things too personally and his personality was too severe.. And Tech...
“When have we ever followed orders?”
Tech’s communication skills lacked tact in emotional situations, but he knew how to make the hard call.
A nauseous feeling reared up in the back of Hunter’s throat as he remembered that day. It did nothing to aid his budding migraine. He was responsible for his brothers, he always had been. Tech should be here right now, working this out. He would have found the manifest with no issue whatsoever. Tech came through, no matter the situation. His little brother always succeeded. He never backed down. He always got back up.
Why hadn’t he gotten back up in time?
If Tech had never fallen, then they wouldn’t have had to go back to Ord Mantell. Omega would have never been taken by the kriffing Imperial Hemlock. Echo…Echo still would have left. Hunter didn’t even want to get into his regrets about Echo. Even if Echo had been the one who brought the information that identified Crosshair as an Imperial prisoner and kickstarted the efforts of his brothers to go after their wayward sibling. Without that information, Tech would still be here, living and breathing. Alive.
“Every choice you’ve made since Kaller has been wrong.”
Crosshair’s sneering words in the brig on Kamino haunted his thoughts again. Since their first home had gone up in flames and they’d left him on that platform, Hunter tried to justify his guilt over the youngest brother. Crosshair’s chip was out, he made his choice. So if he chose the Empire over his brothers, then that was that. As Tech had piloted them away that fateful day, Hunter believed they would never see each other again.
The longer he dwelled on Crosshair (and he tried not to for many reasons), the more Hunter pondered over how much blame deserved to rest on his shoulders. He had left Crosshair to protect Omega and his brothers. That had been the right choice for the greater good, except he still abandoned his little brother when he needed help. He still let him down.
“We don’t leave our own behind.”
His own words. Words he knew he twisted to justify his actions.
Hunter damned everyone with his choices. Leaving Crosshair. Trusting Cid. Assuming Wrecker’s headaches weren’t concerning. Not watching his back on Bracca. Leaving Pabu to go to Eriadu. Letting Tech go up onto that rail line in the first place. Going back to Ord Mantell. And those were just the ones since Order 66. There were so, so many more that had transpired before they’d even been deployed. Every time he thought about those moments, he found more and more flawed choices and regrets that could be traced back to him.
Then again, he was a defective clone- but that wasn’t any excuse!
Overwhelmed, Hunter threw the datapad away from him. He curled over in the chair, trying to stop himself from hyperventilating. The telltale signs of tears started to build up in his eyes. He grit his teeth and wrapped his arms around the back of his legs. He couldn’t afford to cry right now. For kriff’s sake, he was an adult! It was time to get a handle on himself and stop letting his feelings bother him.
He wasn’t sure how long he stayed tucked into himself before the ramp lowered on the ship. There were footsteps, and then a crack broke the silence.
“Oops,” Wrecker uttered.
The hairs on the back of Hunter’s neck raised up at the hesitancy in his brother’s voice. Unfolding himself, Hunter stared at what lay before him. Wrecker’s mammoth frame standing at the entrance of the ship, looking sheepish. In his hand was the datapad. Its screen was still operational, yet marred by a long crack right in the center of it.
Tech’s backup datapad, which hadn’t been cracked a second ago.
Wrecker had stepped on it.
”Uh, sorry about that.”
Something began buzzing in Hunter’s head as he rose to his feet.
Wrecker had cracked Tech’s datapad.
“I didn’t see that there,” his brother continued. “Did you have any luck finding the manifest thingy?”
“No,” Hunter answered shortly, stepping over to swipe it away from Wrecker. “It’s not that easy.”
“Yeah, Tech was always really good at that stuff.”
Hunter ground his teeth. Leave it to Wrecker to state the obvious.
“Hey, have you eaten yet? I think we still have some of the green wrapper rations. Want me to get you one?”
“No.”
“Are you sure? I know you didn’t eat breakfast, and it doesn’t look like you ate lunch. I didn’t even realize how much time-”
Hunter growled. “I said no.”
Wrecker paused in his journey to the supply crate. “Are you okay?”
At that moment, something just snapped. Everything drained from Hunter’s body except for one emotion.
Rage.
“Are you okay?” he mocked Wrecker’s voice. “Take a look around and tell me if you think I’m okay ? If you think any of this is okay ?”
His brother held up his hands. “Hunter-”
“No, I’m talking!” Hunter cut him off with a swipe of his hand. “We have found nothing about where Omega is being held. We have had no leads for a week now. Echo hasn’t contacted us in two, because he’s off saving everyone else and being the perfect little soldier! Meanwhile, I can’t figure out how to pull up a simple manifest for a commercial starship flight.”
Wrecker took it all silently, not saying anything. His reaction just fed the frustration that Hunter was feeling.
“And what have you been doing all day, huh?” he snarled. “What did you do to help today?”
“I- I was doing the external repairs on the ship. And the laundry ‘cause things were starting to smell and you kept forgetting and-.”
“Omega is out there, waiting for us, and you’re concerned about laundry? Yeah, Wrecker, that’s going to be what saves her! Doing laundry!”
Wrecker’s eyebrows furrowed. “Hey, I’m just trying to keep things running!”
“That doesn’t matter!” Hunter yelled hysterically. He sounded like a madman, but he was too tapped out to care. He needed to scream. “Does it even matter to you that Omega’s being held captive? That she’s been waiting months for us?”
“Hey!” his brother stepped into his face. “Don’t act like you’re the only one who cares about her! She’s my sister too!”
Hunter shoved him back. “Then act like it!”
“I have been! It’s not my fault that she got taken!”
“Are you saying it’s mine then?”
Wrecker shook his head. “Stop twisting my words, Sarge!”
Hunter jabbed a finger at Wrecker’s chest. “Tell me, Wrecker, what have you done to help get Omega back?”
“I’ve been by your side the whole time!” Wrecker fired back. “I stayed when Echo didn’t. I’ve been the one watching your back and keeping you safe!”
“If only you’d been able to do that for Tech.”
The cruel words left his mouth before Hunter could stop them. But there was no taking them back.
Wrecker’s expression became pained. “Hunter…”
He should have stopped there, but he was too riled up now.
“If you’d just gotten Tech up to the car, like you were supposed to, he would still be here and so would Omega! His death is on you, and it’s on me for trusting you to do your job! It should have been you at the end of that line!”
Silence hung in the air between them. The fury boiling inside Hunter fell away too quickly, leaving him empty. He wanted Wrecker to punch him, to fight back, to say something. It was all he could do to not break down crying right now, and Wrecker’s retaliation would be a good excuse for it. That’s what Crosshair tended to do with any of them when things got too much for him.
But Wrecker didn’t do a damn thing beyond lowering his head, ashamed.
The Marauder felt too suffocating now. Hunter stepped around his brother and walked off the ship. Once on the ground, he found him running across the field outside. He felt his heart pounding in his chest as he pushed himself to go faster and faster. Then it all came to a screeching halt as his foot caught on something and the sergeant tumbled into the ground face first.
For a moment, Hunter laid there in a daze, his mouth in the dirt. He had to summon up the energy just to push himself upright and into a sitting position. The mere action of that alone made his head start spinning for a moment. Tears finally made their way down his cheeks as his fingers curled into the dirt.
He was disappointed in himself for blaming Wrecker for Tech’s death. It had been a nasty, shameful thought that had first pressed against him when he’d waited for Omega to wake up. Over the months of searching, the same thought would crawl up again when things were a little too quiet. Hunter knew in his heart how wrong it was, yet sometimes he felt it made sense. He alleviated his own guilt and grief by pushing the blame to Wrecker as a toxic coping mechanism.
Only as he thought again of Wrecker’s reaction to the verbalization of blame did Hunter realize his brother had been ready to cry.
Overwhelmed, Hunter let the scream that had been building inside of him finally break out. It was agony to his migraine, but he didn’t care about the pain. He couldn’t care less if anyone was around and heard him. As soon as that scream ran out, Hunter inhaled and let out another cry just as loud as the first. He let himself scream and cry for all the years he had held it back until he could no longer do so. Exhausted, he collapsed back into the grass, head pounding and world spinning.
For a clone, he had remarkably good fortune and many things to be grateful for. He hadn’t been enslaved by the inhibitor chip. His squad’s survival rate surpassed anyone else’s he could think of. Taking in Omega and watching her grow had been one of the best parts of his life. He should be happy with what he had gotten out of his half-life.
Maybe it should have been him hanging from the end of the cable…but what would that have done to Omega? To the rest of his brothers. Maybe things would be better.
He shook his head, cutting off that line of thinking. It was selfish. And if he dwelled on it too long, it wouldn’t end well.
The sun was beginning to set when Hunter finally stood up and began the walk back to the Marauder. His temper tantrum was over. Time to be the sergeant again and make amends to his brother. Wrecker tended to be quick to forgive, but Hunter didn’t know if he would be merciful in this situation. He could only hope.
Wrecker was outside the ship, working on the engine when Hunter approached. A line was stung from one of the wings to the ground with the laundry fluttering with the breeze. With Hunter’s stealthy footfalls and Wrecker’s partial deafness, it took a while for the muscular clone to notice he was no longer alone outside. When Wrecker realized Hunter was on the other side of the panel, he almost dropped the tools in his hands. At the last second, his brother caught himself and set them back gently in the toolbox.
”Hunter-“
“I’m sorry,” Hunter apologized. “I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you. I shouldn’t have screamed. I shouldn’t have said you weren’t helping. And I shouldn’t have said…that.”
Wrecker shrugged. “I broke Tech’s pad. And I shoulda known you were stressed.”
“Doesn’t make what I said okay,” Hunter shook his head. “It was wrong.”
“Some of it was true.”
“Not about Tech.”
Wrecker’s gaze diverted towards some insects flying by, purposefully not meeting Hunter’s gaze.
“It wasn’t your fault what happened to him,” Hunter told him. “You did everything you could. Plan 99 was not your fault.”
His brother’s booming voice came out at a mere whisper. “I wish it had been me too.”
Hunter gaped at the revelation.
“At the end of the line…sometimes I wish it had been me,” Wrecker said again. “If Tech was here instead of me, you and him would have found Omega by now.”
Hunter couldn’t stand to hear him talk like that. “Stop that.”
“You thought about it too.”
“And that was wrong of me,” he argued. “I’m the oldest and I’m the sergeant. I’m the one who’s responsible for everyone. But since the end of the war, I’ve failed at that. There’s more that I should have done and I’m angry at myself for letting everyone down. And you’re the only one who’s left. I can’t lose you too, Wreck.”
His voice cracked at the end of the sentence. They hadn’t called each other by their shortened names since before graduation. Wreck. Hunt. Cross.
Tech had just been Tech.
Wrecker stepped forward and tugged him into an embrace. Hunter rested his head against his little brother’s shoulder as he returned the gesture. He thought he was all cried out, but a few tears somehow managed to escape his eyes. Exhaustion seemed to kick in a little harder.
“I ain’t going anywhere,” Wrecker promised. “And we’re gonna get the kid back.”
“You aren’t allowed to use Plan 99 when we do,” Hunter instructed. “Neither of us are.”
“Yes, sir.”
Hunter’s stomach let out an almighty noise. He stepped back away from his little brother, trying to remember the last time he’d eaten. The last thing he remembered was caf from maybe two hours ago, and then another cup a few hours before that. In terms of solid food, his memory came up short.
“You didn’t eat anything today, did you?” Wrecker asked.
Hunter shook his head.
His brother closed the panel to the engine. “Come on. You gotta eat. And sleep, because I know you haven’t been doing that either.”
“I still haven’t found the manifest on that ship,” Hunter protested as his big little brother pushed him towards the entrance of the Marauder .
“I’ll try. The pad still works too. It’s just a little cracked. Kinda like us.”
Hunter sighed. “You don’t have to do that.”
“I want to,” his brother affirmed. “And you need a break.”
He really wanted a break. Ideally, that break would be on Pabu in the setting sun with the sea breeze caressing his face. His whole family would be there- Omega and Wrecker and Tech and Echo. And…and Crosshair too. Just a slice of calm where he could close his eyes and the world wouldn’t fall apart because he let his guard down.
“Hunter?”
“Okay,” Hunter agreed, closing his eyes. “I’ll take a break. Just for a few hours.”