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Sydney had walked into absolute chaos. The toys that were put away the night before were strewn around the floor. The kitchen table had unfinished breakfast, and she could hear the obvious sounds of Soren having a meltdown towards the back of the apartment. She wanted so badly to leave and come back after they had figured it out, but she knew that they didn’t have that much time.
Quickly shucking off her coat, she made her way to the back of the apartment, bumping into the Christmas tree that her body had yet to recognize. The rattling of the ornaments followed her as she made her way to Soren’s room, where the showdown was occurring. Soren was only in a pair of pants and one sock, and Carmy was fully dressed in a suit jacket without a tie. He had a green polo shirt in one hand and a miniature version of his shirt in the other, holding them out to Soren, begging him to choose one of them.
Damn, he looks good. Okay. Stop. Focus. The child is in distress.
“I don’t wanna! I don’t like them! I just want to wear my Bluey shirt!” Soren yelled at Carmy, giving Sydney the room to intervene.
“Guys! Is this the way we talk to each other?” Sydney asked interrupting before it escalated even more. Carmy turned to her, clearly exasperated, “We’re having a moment okay.” She forced herself not to chuckle at the slip of his Italian accent.
Sydney reached out for the two shirts in Carmy’s hands, trying to see what the big deal was. Carmy handed them over and whispered in her ear before excusing himself out of the room, “I’m tapping out! I don’t know what’s wrong with either of those fucking shirts.”
Sydney got down to Soren’s level and held out the shirts again. She needed to get this figured out, so she could get herself ready.
“What’s up honey? These are the shirts that you picked out as options with Dad last night. Why are you giving him such a hard time? You like this polo! You always talk about how soft it is.”
Soren’s eyebrows scrunched, “I just want to wear my, Bluey shirt.” Sydney was getting a sneaky suspicion that it had nothing to do with the shirt, but she was willing to play along.
“Hmm, what if dad changed to a polo shirt. Would you want to wear it then?”
“No, I just want to wear the Bluey one.”
Sydney paused. They were going to have to wrap this up, “Soren, you know you can tell us anything, right? Is there a true reason why you want to wear the Bluey shirt when we are already talked about how we need to be dressed a little nicer today?” Sydney felt Carmy standing behind her, and she was glad that he had cooled down a bit.
Soren looked down at the floor, “Daddy got me that shirt, and I just don’t want to forget him.” There it was, the truth. Carmy joined Sydney on the floor beckoning Soren to come closer to him. He took his little face in his hands.
“Soren, do you think that today is about getting rid of your Daddy?”
“Ms. Claire, said that daddy would be te-terminted-termited?”
“Terminated?”
Soren nodded, “Yeah.”
“There is no one in the world who can replace your Dad. Not me. Not mom. Not anyone. Today is just way to make sure that you’re stuck with us forever. That no one can just show up and try to take you away. Okay?” Soren nodded up and down, the simple explanation soothing his worries, but Carmy could tell that he hadn’t given up on the shirt with the way he was clutching it in his hands.
“Wait, I have something.” Sydney and Soren watched him walk across the hall to their bedroom, and he came back with a gold chain in his hand.
“I had planned to give this you when you were a little older, but I think it’s a good day ” Carmy knelt and clipped the necklace around Soren’s neck, placing his hand over it when he finished. “This was your dad’s necklace…uh, it’s the patron St. Michael of protection.”
Carmy felt the swell in his throat interrupting his speech, and Sydney started rubbing his back coaxing the rest of his speech out. Carmy coughed, clearing the emotions rising.
“So, when you look at. You can think of Daddy…always being there to watch you. Every step of the way…”
“Even when I’m sleeping?” Soren asked amazed. The two adults laughed.
“Yes, even when you’re sleeping,” confirmed Carmy. “Now, can you choose a shirt?”
Soren pondered his options, like so much had changed in ten minutes, “The one like yours.”
“-Great!”
“-Wonderful!”
Once everyone was dressed and Sydney had confirmed twice that they had the paperwork, the three were off. When they pulled into the parking lot, they were taken back by all their family and friends in the parking lot. Luckily, the hearing had fallen on a day off for the restaurant, but they hadn’t expected everyone else to sacrifice their day as well, besides Nat.
“Grandpa!” Soren exclaimed as they made their way over to the group. No one else was offended at their inability to compare to Emmanuel, and the couple embraced their other family.
“Today’s the big day, Bear!” shouted Richie.
“Cousin, it’s really just a formality. Nothing else is changing. His last name isn’t even changing!”
Richie leaned over to whisper to Tina and Marcus, “That’s not the last name that he should be worrying about changing.” Sending the two into a giggle attack. Carmy watched them puzzled because he didn’t think he had said anything funny.
“Okay, folks! We gotta get moving inside! We don’t want to make them late,” called Nat to everyone, typically taking the role of “mom.”
Carmy found Sydney and Soren who were joking around with Emmanuel, and he grabbed their hands to lead them into the courthouse. Everyone found their seats, and the three went to stand in front of the judge. After a few moments, the judge banged his gavel signaling the start of the session.
“Hello, everyone! Please remember that this is courtroom, and your attendance is a privilege not a right. Looks like my first case today is a good one, can the Berzatto family take the stand?”
Carmy shooed Sydney and Soren forward, quickly following behind. Even though today was pretty straightforward, he couldn’t help but find himself a bit nervous, the sweat prickling at his neck. Sydney must have sensed his anxiousness because she looked to find his hand, grounding him in the moment. The brief look they shared centered him in the space and he found himself, like most days, grateful for the love he had found and the family he had landed.
“First, I would like to hear from the assigned caseworker, Ms. Claire Giordani.” Claire followed the directions, taking the stand and answering the questions that the judge asked. Carmy tried to focus, but he only found himself tuning into the end of her testimony.
“…Judge, I see a lot of families come through here, but very rarely do I see a family as strong, beautiful, and resilient as this one. The state gives their full support and recommendation to the continuation of guardianship from Carmen Berzatto and Sydney Adamu.”
Sydeny and Carmy silently thanked her as she left the stand, and she sent them back a smile. Following Claire’s testimony, Dr. Stowe and Natalie also followed giving their own words of support. Just as Carmy thought he was going to burst with anxiousness, the judge called their family to stand.
“Hello Mr. Berzatto and Ms. Adamu. According to your family and friends, you two are loving parents who go above and beyond for Soren. You cater to his needs and wishes, but you work tirelessly to help Soren understand a good life is one where you are compassionate, thoughtful, and hardworking. You have provided the bones for a good life, and although I can’t promise that the days won’t be long or hard, what I’m seeing here is the foundation that makes it plausible.
As a representative of the law, do you both agree that Soren Berzatto will be legally your child where you are responsible for his physical, emotional, and financial needs?”
“-We do.”
“-We do.” Carmy squeezed Sydney’s hand, looking at each other with tears in their eyes.
The judge smiled for the first time, “By the power invested to me by the State of Illinois, I declare that Carmen Berzatto and Sydney Adamu are the parents of Soren Berzatto.”
The room broke out into applause, and the newly vested family took each other in, Soren wrapping his arms around his parents' necks.
+++
Even though Sydney and Carmy thought that they might like a quieter evening, their families and staff insisted that they would regret it. So after the hearing, they found themselves in the empty dining room of the bear sharing in the celebration of the day. Soren was loving the attention, but he always found himself back with Grandpa Emmanuel who was sneaking him treats under the table. One time, Carmy had caught them and threatened to send Soren back with him for the night. The problem is that neither of the two saw Carmy’s words as a real threat.
As the party continued, Carmy eventually made it back to his love. Even now, his breath was lost when he took her in. Sydney rolled her eyes and leaned in to give him a family-appropriate peck on the lips. Before pulling away, she leaned in to whisper, “I have something for you. Meet you in the office in five?”
Carmy scrunched his eyebrows, and Sydney couldn’t help but laugh, “Not like that!” A couple of months back, they had to put an official ban on funny business when Richie had accidentally walked in on them when Sydney was visiting one day. He didn’t get to see much of anything, but seeing Sydney on her knees was telling enough. From there, they agreed to no office stuff, or at least when there was a ninety-nine percent chance that no one was in the restaurant.
Carmy mingled for a little more, but when he realized the five minutes were up, he snuck to the back to join Sydney. He entered the office to see her leaning against the desk, a white envelope in her hand. She motioned him to the couch across from her, “You should probably sit.”
Carmy sat down, but he couldn’t help the way his mind was whirling, a little put off by the way Sydney was acting. He didn’t even realize himself blurting out, “Are you trying to tell me that you’re pregnant?”
It was Sydney’s turn to be confused, “What? Carmy! No!….sorry, no I’m not pregnant.”
“Oh, okay.” Carmy didn’t want to unpack why that filled him with so much disappointment when they already had their hands full with managing two restaurants and a child’s schedule.
“No, babe. Ugh…I debated on when to give this to you, but I figured now was better than later so don’t kill me if it’s shit timing. But, when Claire was doing one of her last visits, she handed me this letter…it’s from your brother…I guess he had written it to you in the event that he passed and wanted to give you some explanation to why he had chosen you. I debated just giving it to you that day, but I thought it could be special to have today…” Sydney trailed off seeing that Carmy’s eyes were watery, tears threatening to spill from the corners.
Sydney looked up to the ceiling, “I’m sorry! I didn’t want you to be mad.”
Carmy cleared his throat, patting the seat next to him, “I’m not mad, baby. Please…come here.”
Sydney obeyed squeezing in next to him. She handed the letter over to him, but he shook his head. “There’s no way that I’ll make it through that. Would you mind reading it?”
She smiled woefully, “There’s no guarantee that I won’t get through it without crying myself.”
“That’s okay.”
“Okay,” Sydney took a deep breath, “Dear Bear, I hope that this letter never reaches you, but all the same, I’m writing it just in case. Soren is asleep in my arms as I’m writing this; he’s a three-month terror, but I’ve never loved like this. And, I’m not saying that I don’t love you and Nat to sole of my beginning, but this is different. I want everything for him that I couldn’t have for myself. I hope that I don’t pass all this bad shit to him. He’s just so pure and innocent and I just keep thinking of me, Little Mikey. It could’ve been different. But, I see that change in you, Bear. You’re doing that generational change shit that I keep reading about. I’m so proud of you. I know he can’t understand, but I tell Soren about you every night. Just stories about you as a tot to the crazy good shit you’re doing now.
I know this has been a tangent, but it’s the reason I’m choosing you and not Nat. I’m not worried about Natalie. She’s got that fucker, Pete, and I’m sure they’ll pop out their own soon enough. But I know that this is good for you. The chance to have your own family. A chance to know I’m always looking for you. He’s the best, Bear. And, you’re the best, and I hope you don’t see this as me shackling you with my problems for one last time, but a fresh start. I love you so much, and I know I don’t say it all the time, but I hope that if I didn’t get to say it…you know me asking you to take care of my kid, is me saying I loved you the most. Let it rip.”
By the time Sydney reached the end, they were both sobbing uncontrollably. It was clear that Michael loved his brother deeply, and she knew that this was probably the most personal insight she would ever get. But, it was enough.
The couple sat there holding each other for dear life waiting for the tears to subside. Enough time passed before an inevitable knock.
The sound of Tina came through the door, “They sent me, but I’m not stupid enough to walk in on you. You’re baby is asking for you, so wrap it up!”
Syd and Carm found themselves laughing, breaking the spell of grief, “No funny business, Tina. We were just talking. We’ll be out in a minute.”
Carmy stood pulling Sydney from the couch, and they cleaned up their faces and made their way back into the dining room. Soren ran up to them immediately, peppering them with kisses, and the three danced the night away with too much Beyonce and as many little pigs-in-a-blanket Soren could store in his pockets.