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Minute smells faintly of smoke, faintly of blood and salt, like coffee and fire and soot. He’s warm, radiating it like a fire, clothes worn and soft from use, hair not quite fluffy, not quite oily, just soft. When he hums, he sounds almost whale like, a low rumble unlike his normal laugh, but it’s higher than a whale, a bee or mosquito or wasp mixed with the deep rumble of his lungs.
As a gust of sea air whips through his hair and Zam shivers, pressing closer to Minute. The sun is just starting to set on the horizon, sending its streaks of yam, tiger and marigold dancing over the waves like the stroke of a paintbrush. The sky is dotted with sea birds of all sorts, pelicans, puffins, gulls, pigeons, cormorants and gannets and probably others.
Zam does his best to soak it all in, the sounds, smells, sights. But mostly Minute. “You’re leaving.” he says again, hoping maybe saying it out loud would make it feel like something real, something Zam could get up from. He runs his fingers through the rough stone of the sea wall, playing and prying at some of the moss still on it. Minute doesn’t answer.
Something is nagging at Zam’s heart, some little trickle of something seeping into his heart and whispering in his ear. Tell him, tell him, tell him. And he should, he isn’t a chicken, he’s always known what he needs to say, he’s gotten better at asking for help, he’s learning to say no, but this. There's so many what ifs?
What if Minute doesn’t like him back? What if he doesn’t want to keep being friends? What if he cuts all contact? What if he made weird rumors about Zam? What if he avoided Zam and wouldn’t let him say goodbye or apologise. What if he.... so many things could go wrong.
“Zam. What are you thinking. Tell me, or stop worrying and enjoy this. Please.”
He says it in such a quiet, longing voice. It reminds him of himself. Begging people to tell him the truth, and falling for lies on top of lies. Asking to be loved, and only finding enemies. A king, shunned by his people, or a person, shunned by their king. Him, and Minute. A king, and a knight. A knight, and his king.
But Zam will never shun Minute. Never keep him in the dark. He was going to make this relationship work, as friends or more, it doesn’t matter. Step one, good communication.
“Have you ever had a crush on someone? Or just liked someone in a romantic way?” he asks, cautiously snaking a hand out to rest on Minute’s lap before intertwining their fingers when Minute offered his palm. He moves his thumb, trying and failing to find a pulse before surrendering to Minute's warm grip. Even the small contact made him feel so safe.
“Yeah, a few. And a couple of girls thought I was just the Rizzler, but none of them were for me.” he laughs a little, stepping dangerously close to breaking the tentative peace that had washed over the setting.
Zam feel Minute shift, turning his head out to the sea, then away from Zam to face the wind that had done a 180 and leaves Zam sheltered behind Minute. He takes the chance to look up, study the gentle planes of his face, the glint in his eyes, the way the hair he had grown out and now spilled out in curls over his back when it wasn’t tied up. Hesitantly, he reaches for the elastic that holds Minute’s hair back and pulls it out. Minute doesn’t say anything, he simply hums, so he goes through with it, letting his curls rest around his shoulders.
Tell him! You probably won’t see him in person before he gets a girlfriend! Imagine what you could have! He could kiss you!
Or he could never talk to you again? Are you willing to risk it?
Risk it, you only live once!
“So why did you bring me here? Other than it being a very nice place to watch the sunset.” Zam chickens out. He doesn’t even tell Minute why he asked about crushes, Minute doesn’t ask! Something is off.
“I need talk to you. About important stuff.” he starts. Zam makes a curious sound, almost like a warble. Minute cautiously shifts, pulling back from Zam and pulling his legs up to sit crisscross facing Zam.
“I’m not moving Zam. I was trying to get you to say something, because I- I thought maybe, maybe you- I -you were like me. It doesn’t really matter now, but I’m not really moving.”
He's not moving, he’s not leaving. He's not, he he he’s. He’s staying!”
“you’re staying. You’re not leaving, you’re staying!” Zam says, almost shouting. He launches himself forward into Minute’s arms. Two months. Two months of arguing with himself. Two months of trying to savour every moment, two months of constant sleepovers, two months of being so scared of falling out, two months.
“How did you, why? Why lie? Did everyone know? Your parents?” he cries, pulling back with tears in his eyes.
“Some people know, your brothers, Jumper, Mapicc and Ro, Bacon, Wemmbu. I think that’s it. And, sorry.”
“But why do it in the first place?” he’s so confused. Why lie in the first place, why only to him, why fake moving, did the teachers know? So many questions, but there will be time. He won’t leave.
“Please don’t hate me after this, please. Zam, I love you. I love the way you laugh, I love your smile, I love when you hold my hand, I love your bright attitude, your obsessions, your rants. I Love the way you make jokes, the random stuff you come up with. Your brain works in amazing ways, and- everything, your...” he trails off, looking up from where he had been staring at their hands.
“but why, why pretend to move?” it doesn’t fit. Things aren’t clicking together. He wants to enjoy it, the facts, Minute isn’t leaving and likes him back. But curse his stupid brain, he needs answers.
“I figured, if you liked me back, then you would tell me before I left. And I don’t mind that you don’t, I just want to be friends-Please" he says sharply, not looking up from where he had looked away. “Just let us be friends.... I don’t think I could bear losing you. Please.”
He sounds so desperate, so helpless. It makes Zam’s heart break even more.
Slowly, he reaches up and loops his hands around Minute's neck, pulling his head close to Zam’s own face. He brings their faces so close he can feel Minute’s panicked breath fanning over his face, eyes darting, trying to land anywhere but Zam’s own.
“Minute. Can we be something more than friends?” he asks, finally catching and pinning his eyes. He can barely hear Minute’s response over the pounding in his ears. But there’s a please on his lips, and who is Zam to deny him when he’s asking so nicely?
Like the honey of his eyes or the molasses of Minute’s, they flow towards each other slowly until they meet and mix. His eyes flutter closed as they finally kiss, the sun and the sky, tattoo and skin. Sunshine prince, and king of the shadows. Two halfs, back together at last.
He tastes like he smells, like coffee and copper and salt. He's warm, like the shadows on a broiling day, and gentle, so so gentle, always asking, never demanding. It's everything and so much more.
Strong arms wind around his shoulders, pulling him close to where he is safe, to who he is safe with. And he doesn’t mind when they pull away, because here in Minute’s arms, he is safe to say.
“I love you too”