Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I feel my ankles burn, running as fast as I can away from the laser. I am overcome with Deja vu as electro creeps up on me. As a last attempt at saving my stamina, I fall to my stomach.

I can feel my hair being scorched, my clothes stabbing my skin like a thousand needles pressing deep into my spine. Something pops and I lose the ability to hear, hoisting myself off of the ground.

“Aether!” Paimon screams. I am suddenly aware of the emptiness of the battlefield, glancing at the balladeer. It is this small glance in which I become alert, and faced with the hand of this god.

I fall. I do not know how far I have fallen, for I just keep fighting. The giants feet crack the floor, and many times I find myself getting friendly with these cracks, nearly losing my head in several occasions.

The Lumine I know never would have wanted this. She would’ve whisked me away, maybe finding an abadoned Aranara house and made me a stew that we had discovered from a world prior.
I remember the many times I had woken up sick or injured and she would be there to help me out of bed. Her hair would drift across my face as she braided mine, always starting high and keeping it tight to my skull.

Hot wet tears fell across my cheeks, of course she wouldn’t have wanted this! Why couldn’t she have saved me earlier! I am targeted by fire, synchronized with my heaving heart. Before I can register I am sprinting to this beast before me, leaping into the air. 

I want to tear him apart. I need to see his face as I carve his flesh into the god I want to see. But first I need this shell gone, and so I thrust my sword into the giant electro vision, only to be knocked back once again, just how I was ripped of my wings and sent falling to Tevyat.

And just as I had fell, I am taken up by wind. this power from Barbatos is nowhere near as friendly as him, nearly ripping my skin from my muscles, exposing me for who I should be.

Like how I was sent to Liyue, I am slammed again into the ground. Geo infuses itself with what is left of my lungs, as I gasp for air.

I can barely make out Paimon’s screams. One more strike. One more hit, then I can find her. I can’t tell if it is my heartbeat or my arms that shake as I try to lift myself up, but all of it is useless as Nahida is plucked from the ground, and taken out of reach.

My whole world shatters. I am not in pain any longer. I feel grounded, yet my spirit screams for a release.

“We just concluded the 168th loop.” Nahida speaks out from beside me. I gasp, confused as my hearing returns.

“Did you know that in the effort to create you, the people of Sumeru were forced to live through the exact same number of Sabzeruz Festivals in Samsara cycles?”

“The power of dreams… When did you use it on me…” Scaramouche’s voice is strained. He seems exhausted. I can’t help but feel guilty. He’s about my age, I assume, yet he’s been through my own loss thrice already. He was always used for something, yet ignored when he showed he had the same humanity as everyone else. We had that much in common, yet we fell on different sides of this war.

I stare at the “gift” Nahida had gotten me. But I couldn’t hate her.

“You couldn’t even defeat me in a dream. What do you hope to achieve with this little trick?”

We might be similar, but we are not the same.

The Dendro Archon offers me a knowledge capsule with, what I believe is, all my memories from the previous cycles. With no hesitation, I touch it, bracing myself for the mental overload, but I am met with the voices of Sumeru’s people.

“ Compile everyone’s wisdom in the name of the Archon. That is the original function of the Akaasha. I’ve sent everything that happened just now to the people of Sumeru in the form of knowledge. I’ve asked them…To help you find a way to defeat the false god.”

Tighnari, Alhaitham, Nilou, and even Cyno speak out to me. However this is not the voice I need, I need to push my feelings to the side for now. This threat must be eradicated, for the safety of my friends.

“Now, all of Sumeru’s wisdom is at your disposal.” I grunt in response.

“Meaningless tricks won’t save you!”

I watch as the ground is once again destroyed, yet I don’t feel threatened. A powerful blast of electro is aimed at me, but I let my body’s muscle memory take over and I remain still.

“Heh… Are you done with your tricks?” Now that I can hear him clearly he doesn’t sound as menacing as before.

“Can I finally take this as a battle between gods?” I finally realize, this stubbornness must be what Lumine used to deal with when I was bedridden. Her face crosses my vision, Archons…

“I’ll leave this to you. The first sage of Buer.” This battle no longer feels real. I feel as if I am playing a role in a game. Yet I fight alongside Nahida, letting my body lead me with the grace and practice as Nilou has onstage.

I try not to let my emotions get into my movements, but I notice several times that I have had to been covered by the Dendro Archon for my inability to stand guard.

Nevertheless, any injury is healed immediately and I get back up, without much else to say.

I don’t feel like this battle is as taxing as anything else I’ve fought. It’s just as if I’m fighting an abyss mage. Maybe a more pretentious and strong one but it’s still human.
And just like everything else human, it falls, but this time I do not fall with it.

“Humans… Filthy humans!”

Nahida floats to the chest of the god, smashing the glass. If she could’ve done that earlier…

I feel my face grow hot again. I hiccup up a laugh. His resemblance to me is horrifying, yet I don’t feel scared. It’s hard to pinpoint how I feel, but it feels like I’m melting as I try to hold my tears back.

Scaramouche crashes through the head of the god, “That’s mine!”

Lumine, he’s… scratches cover his body, the tubes holding him back having bruised his skin to match the purple of his eyes.

“Don’t even try!” I am frozen in place, no longer stopping the tears from coming. I feel snot drip from my nose and I could not wipe it. He’s just a boy, just a man. Just like me.

“I’ll never… I’ll never go back!”

I feel goosebumps crawl up my neck, his pained yell flooding my senses. I need my wings.. I can’t let this escalate further. Yet I could not move.

I watch him exhale a final breath. The tubes holding him break and I watch as he falls. I hear a sickening crash as he lands in a cloud of dust. I watch as Nahida lowers herself in front of me.

“We haven’t yet found the answer to the most important mystery. Irminsul—“

I finally run with all the emotion I haven’t yet let out, screaming as I fall at the sight before me. Scaramouche is pale and limp, his chest heaving as if every breath was a job. His skull was cracked, bleeding out a deep purple blood that seeped into the cracks in the floor.

His limbs were unnaturally dislocated, and I struggled to pull him into my lap. I brought him close to my chest as I listened to his heart, hiccuping out screams as I flailed about, not knowing what to do.

I try to calm myself as I push the hair out of his face, holding it in my hand and hoping that Nahida was trying to heal him in the way that I was, but I received no response other than his gaze slowly drifting over my face. I fall to his chest, defeated as I cannot hear much of his heart anymore.

He is growing cold, I realize, and I remove my cape to cover him, further staining it with blood that pours from the holes in him from the tubing.

I killed him, he’s dead because of me. I killed him… please take mercy on him Archons… Celestia… I’m not from this world, I interrupted and this shouldn’t have happened, please…

I could find my sister on my own. I would let them take my life from me in exchange of his if they tried. I would submit myself to the heavenly principles if it meant he would receive another chance.

But maybe it is since I am not from this world that the gods could not hear me.

Chapter Text

I rolled over, the sound of cicadas outside tauntingly echoing around our small room.

Paimon was fast asleep. Her light breathing was synchronized with the heartbeat in my ears, driving me to sit up.

I cracked my back. This was too much. Standing up, I grabbed my cape, wrapping it around my bare, bandaged shoulders and stepping outside.

It occurred to me that I had been walking for a while, as soon as I saw the faint light of the Statue of the Seven at Gandharva ville. Stopping at the Chinvat Ravine, I find a waterfall and slide down the cliff into the water.

My pants get wet as the moonlight turns the water into silver, blessing my hair with its soft kiss. I wipe my eyes with my bandaged arm, staring at the moon.

When Scaramouche had died, It took Nahida the time it takes for mint to be planted and grown past adolescence to get me to stop crying.

Nothing constituted my heartbreak, I barely knew him; The only interactions we had were full of hatred and rage, yet I took his life away. He was the mockery of divinity, yet he never realized how human he actually was.

His blood was as red as anyone else’s, and it is that blood that stains my hands. I manipulated and twisted him just as much as the other members of a fatui, therefore it doesn’t make sense for us to be on opposing sides.

He deserved justice, not pity, but he could never find the right path. Even if I tried, I couldn’t fix his vision. I can’t even grant him one, so what is it that makes me special for feeling upset for him?

I sigh, tossing my cape onto a rock and curling into myself. Why must I be this upset? We will fix the issue with Irminsul tomorrow, and everything will be perfectly fine. Dunyarzad and Collei would be ok, Tighnari could alleviate some stress, and maybe even Candace would come see me to offer her best wishes for the future.

And that would be it. Fontaine would come and go, Natlan, Snezhnaya, and then my sister. We would fly away from Teyvat and continue our journey of exploring the universe. I wouldn’t have to hear the name ‘Balladeer’ ever again.

Oh archons, just thinking his name…

I stare up at the moon once more, letting my tears fall onto my hurt chest. In my homeland, every time we would have a bad harvest, me and my sister would dance together under the stars. The gods would watch us, and bless our land for the next year.

Maybe if I tried here, the gods will see my sorrow.

I stood up, undoing my curly hair from my braid. Shaking it out, I let my feet guide me to the center of the small pond. I let the moon lift me up, beginning.

I dance like a nymph, letting Nilou and Gamings influence into my movements. I dance to the rhythm of the water, the rhythm of my heart.

With every stretch I let my soul escape. It’s as if my wings have returned, swaying my hips and letting my arms drift above my head. My chest contracts and expands, as if hands are prying open my sternum and displaying my heart for everyone to see.

My spine is played like a xylophone, isolated from my grounded feet. I jump, spinning around in the air.

I am a bird, weighed down by my sins. I could never learn how to fly again, the connections with humans tying me to the ground. But it is in the ground that I am embraced.

I call her name, “O’Tevyat, Tevyat!” Why must you curse me so. Why must you punish a feather with a crushing weight. I am just a boy, a mortal, an innocent soul. I am filthy now. Mud cakes my feathers, and there is nobody to bathe me. What did I do to deserve this?

“What did I do to deserve this?”

“You saved me, Traveller.” A whisper drifts up from the ground.

Chapter Text

I lie awake, once again listening to Paimon’s soft breathing. Except now, I was accompanied by another set of breath, right next to me.

Or rather, above me.

“Sorry, do you want me to scoot over?”

“Go drown.”

I was given the most atrocious stink eye by the dead (?) man above me. Scaramouche (as much as I wish it wasn’t).

Apparently, after our fight, he had promptly arrived on a Sneznhayan boat with no recollection of what or how he was there. All he could remember was that he was just killed by yours truly.

Our interaction went something like this:

I finish my sequence, falling to my knees.

“What did I do to deserve this?”

“You saved me, Traveller.” A voice spoke up from the rock behind me, unmistakable. “Why did you fucking save me Aether?!” He screamed, throwing something hard at me.

It took me a second to realize it was his shoe. “Scaramouche?!”

“Yes it’s fucking me, you stupid ‘woe is me’ Traveller! Get over it and get your ass up!”

“Wait—“

“I’m not waiting, get up so we can fight.”

“No im not—“

“Fair and square, between men. Actually screw that, you don’t deserve my respect!” Another shoe hit me square in the face. I caught myself as I fell backwards, hoisting myself to my feet.

“You’re alive!?” A strike of pain found itself on my cheek. “Did you just slap me?”

“No dip detective, you really think a god could die?”

“Are you a ghost?” Being a Traveler, I’ve had my fair share of ghosts. Or spirits, or lost souls, or people permanently reversing back into oceanids; It really had no end.

“Did that hit feel ghostlike?!” He glared at me, grabbing a fistfuls of my hair and yanking. He really fought like a kid, I could tell his intentions weren’t really bad.

“A little. Maybe you should try again.”

“Ew, no, not now that you’ve made it weird.” He recoiled in disgust, brushing my stray hair off of his hands.

Now that I could look at him, it was hard to define where he was. His shape shifted between a pyro Fatui Skirmisher, the waterfall behind me, and Scaramouche in his usual appearance (although lacking the hat, and shoes). I had to strain my eyes to see him.

I reached out my hand to grab his. He yanked it back.

“What are you doing?!” He seemed to have calmed down, I could almost see the evaporation leaving through his ears.

“You don’t seem to have a physical form, but I can feel you here.”

Scaramouche turned around quickly, “Stay still!” I obeyed.

He examined himself in the reflection of the small pond, scrunching his face in distaste.

“If this is your fault you can say goodbye to your Tevyat.” I shrug.

After much arguing and fighting, I convince him to come with me back to the room we are staying in. I was way too tired to deal with any more unwanted adventures, now feeling like I could doze off any second.

This brings us to now, where he has found his spot of standing over me to probably feel superior to something.

“If you want the bed I can take the floor, I’m sure Paimon won’t mind.”

“Nah I’m good.” I could almost make out a smile. It made me want to kick him.

“What do you want?”

“To exact my revenge.”

“You think watching me sleep will help you do that?”

“It seems to be working.”

I sat up, “What is your deal?”

“You killed me. Am I not allowed to feel upset?”

“Am I not allowed to feel upset too?”

He opened his mouth as if to retort, then closed it just as he did. I sighed and turned over. I could finally hear him leave.

“We will talk about this tomorrow.” Of course, I couldn’t have the last word. I grunted in response, just to hear a grunt back.

“Are you really upset because I killed you?”

“Sleep.”

“It sounds like you’re upset because I wanted to bring you back.” I said this to get on his nerves, having succeeded when I was hit by a pillow, and later left with a rather polite goodbye.

He could at least be grateful that somehow, I found a way to save him. Yet, this room felt empty now, and against my bitterness, I was uncomfortable again.

I sat up once more, stepping outside. The air was crisp with life finding its way into every corner. Even if there were no people outside.

I heard a sigh from my feet. Was that relief? I couldn’t tell, sitting next to him.

We stayed like that for a while. Watching the breeze guide the trees through the darkness. I let my gaze fall on Scaramouche, only to find he had been staring back at me.

“I’m sorry,” I started. He seemed to be surprised, before scowling again. “I’m sorry for killing you, for imprisoning you, for taking away your gnosis.”

“Mhm.” He hummed.

We fall back into silence. I wasn’t actually sorry for taking away his gnosis, I just needed some clarity on what he was upset about. But despite my attempt, I couldn’t tell.

“You don’t talk much.” He was staring at me again.

“What do you mean?”

“That fairy you’re with is always talking for you. It’s annoying.”

I thought about it.

“Yeah— talking is pointless if she does it for me.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You’re very expressive though.”

“You think so?” Was he complimenting me?

“It’s dumb.”

“Oh.” Why do I expect so much from him?

“You’re easy to read, it’s not hard to figure out what you want.”

“My intentions are clear?”

“As water.” He sighed, “You were right. I don’t care that you killed me. It was an honorable death.”
He paused.

“I’m mad because I was allowed to live.”

“And so you think I had something to do with that?” Scaramouche laughed, a clear cackle.

“No, of course not, you couldn’t even defeat me on your own. “

“You just seem to be very familiar with the gods of this world, so I expected you to know something.”

It was my turn to laugh. Forced and brief laughter, as we were still both fragile.

“I am far from familiar. I don’t understand anything about them. I know everything I need to know about the Archons, but without promise that I will have the chance to answer my questions.” He seemed confused.

“I lost my sister to a god. I’ve been in this world for 500 years, without my knowing. During this time, she was taken by the abyss. My whole journey is to meet every god in this world, to find the one that made us lose our way.” I shifted so I was facing him openly.

“But with each god, it gets harder to believe in their undisputed power and divinity.”

He was watching me, still facing the asleep city. “What if you were to get your answers?”

“I would use it to find my sister.”

“Would that mean you would leave Tevyat?” 

“There wouldn’t be much left for me here.”

“What if something convinced you to stay?”

“Like you?”

“Sure.”