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Growing up, Lan Yuan had realised that there were many things he did not know about his home sect, the way the voices of the adults around him talked about Hanguang-Jun, about him , like an open secret, something everyone knew about yet no one dared to speak of. It had always been like that, ever since he remembered his lonely childhood days, days spent next to Hanguang-Jun’s injured body when no one else was allowed to visit.
It was easy to get used to normalcy after a few uneventful days, but it was always when the days were the busiest after a sect conference or a visit from a high official that the tension in the air could be cut with his sword. Hanguang-Jun, his father figure, older brother, whatever it was their relationship was called outside the sect, always walked around, a vibe of somberness followed him as his robes flowed with the movement, while the eyes of the Lan Seniors did not part from him as if he were a ghost that walked the paths of the Cloud Recesses.
He had questions, of course, he did, but asking them out loud felt like breaking whatever that weird routine everyone adhered to on some good days, even if he knew that Hanguang-Jun would tell him whatever he wanted to know. Hanguang-Jun had raised him as best as he could, teaching him the Lan rules while also giving him some leniency on how to interpret them, saying things such as ‘ who has the authority to dictate what is right and what is wrong, what is white and what is black? ’ The rules were a guide, that’s what he believed.
Still, Lan Yuan grew up being the perfect Lan disciple, kind, diligent and strong, the same things that were said about the Sect Leader, Lan Xichen, when he was younger were said about him as well and he could tell that some Lan Seniors were not pleased about the fact. Perhaps whatever the problem with Hanguang-Jun was, they were not expecting him to raise him as a true Lan.
The whispers became more evident whenever someone said something about the Yiling Laozu. Lan Yuan was aware of the war that happened so many years ago, he had learnt about it in class with the rest of his peers. At first, he thought it was because the topic still represented fresh wounds on a lot of people but it became more obvious that it had something to do with Hanguang-Jun. No one mentioned it outright, but it was easy to tell that that’s what they meant.
However it was, Hanguang-Jun had been involved with the Yiling Laozu in some way.
…
It wasn’t until they met Mo Xuanyu that Lan Yuan, now Lan Sizhui, realised that whatever had happened between Hanguang-Jun and the Yiling Laozu might have been more intimate than he initially thought.
He had been raised by Hanguang-Jun, he knew the man’s expressions like a true son would know a parent and the way it had changed when taking Mo Xuanyu back to the Cloud Recesses with them let him know that something was up.
The news about Hanguang-Jun bringing a man with him spread like wildfire. Gossipping was forbidden except when it came to anything to do with Hanguang-Jun. Zewu-Jun had questioned it, he had questioned the demonic arm and the involvement of the Yin Tiger Tally in all of that.
Out of all of them, Zewu-Jun was the strangest.
From the stories he had heard, the Twin Jades of Lan had once been inseparable, two identical drops of water, yet Sizhui had never seen them interact any more intimately than he would do with any of his peers. It was like there was a barrier between them, not allowing them to act like the brothers they were supposed to be.
Zewu-Jun questioned Mo Xuanyu’s presence in the Cloud Recesses the hardest yet he had not openly opposed it. The Lan Seniors had all been too eager to let Hanguang-Jun take care of the demonic arm case, taking Mo Xuanyu with him if that meant not having any of them anywhere near Gusu for the time it took to figure out the whole demonic arm ordeal.
As Hanguang-Jun wasn’t present in the Cloud Recesses, the whispers became normal conversation instead. Rumours of the return of the Yiling Laozu arose; someone had controlled the Ghost General that day with the Dancing Goddess, and someone had used the Yin Tiger Tally on the demonic arm somehow. As Hanguang-Jun left, Lan Sizhui could experience for the first time just how deep the whole thing really went. Voices and pointing fingers became the norm.
Hanguang-Jun should have died, they said.
Lan Qiren once recovered from dealing with the arm, had questioned the Juniors that accompanied him on what exactly had happened during their night hunt, just who had summoned Wen Ning. It had been Mo Xuanyu, it had been him.
…
Spending time with Mo Xuanyu was nice. His presence made Hanguang-Jun happy and there was nothing else Sizhui wanted than seeing his father happy, but the moment that they found out that Mo Xuanyu was actually Wei Wuxian it was when everything started to make sense for him.
The look in his father’s eyes, the way he protected the man and even spoiled him, how he had stayed right next to him when the world had denounced him. It wasn’t hard to figure out what his father felt for him and it explained so many things he questioned for so long.
Hanguang-Jun had been punished. He had been expected to die from it. Treason and unrepentance, Hanguang-Jun had his morals straight and he had made sure to teach him so as well.
Everyone had always acted that way around Hanguang-Jun, around him , because they weren’t supposed to be there. The Cloud Recesses was not supposed to be either his or his father’s home. Suddenly, the days of normalcy left a sour taste in his mouth because it was normal for them , the lack of Hanguang-Jun’s presence was supposed to be their normal, the 'what would be if things had gone right the first time'.
It made him feel sick.
Hanguang-Jun had never said anything, he had never complained. He had brought him to his home and raised him, raised him the way Lans should have been raised but weren’t because otherwise they would not have… they wouldn't have.
…
When Jin Guangyao’s crimes were revealed to the public and Wei Wuxian’s name had been cleared, he had expected to see guilt in those cold, ice-like stares, but there wasn’t. Hypocrites were always hypocrites. They preferred to pretend that it had not been their fault, it had been the Sect Leader the one that had issued the punishment.
Hanguang-Jun had taken Wei Wuxian with him back to Cloud Recesses, but no one had been allowed to interact with him because he wasn’t supposed to be there. None of them were supposed to exist inside of Lan territory, it just wasn’t what was meant to happen.
Zewu-Jun was the only one who had seemed actually affected by the truth and had entered seclusion, yet Hanguang-Jun rarely visited him there. Three years had he spent alone with just Lan Sizhui by his side, then three years would he leave his older brother stay alone while he took care of sect matters. Now that the Sect Leader was secluded away all of the responsibilities had fallen on to him, with Lan Sizhui as his immediate right hand, because Hanguang-Jun still to that day refused to have interactions with his uncle.
Fortunately, the younger disciples had always looked up to Hanguang-Jun as their role model, he had a great reputation, always going to where the chaos was and helping people without expecting anything in return.
The truth about Jin Guangyao coming out strengthened the image they had of him because Hanguang-Jun had been on the right side of history all along; Hanguang-Jun’s morals were right, and Lan Wangji had followed the rules the whole time.
The best part of it all and the one Sizhui was the most grateful for was that Hanguang-Jun was thriving. He had Wei Wuxian by his side as his husband, they were both living in the Cloud Recesses with the entirety of the younger disciples at their beck and call and there was nothing anyone could do about it because Hanguang-Jun had already had his -unfair- punishment and he had survived it.
He could also see it in the Senior disciples’ faces, especially in some of the eldest sect members like Lan Qiren. It was uncomfortable for them to have the reminder of their failures walking around the Cloud Recesses with all the authority a Sect Leader had. And while he didn’t feel bad for any of them at all, he wished that for Hanguang-Jun’s sake things would get easier from then on, even if it was with Zewu-Jun only.
Whatever it was that Hanguang-Jun wanted to do, he would have all of Wei Wuxian, Jingyi and his support, because they would always find a way through the dark.