Chapter Text
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With the city so big, the girl often felt small. It brought her comfort at times. She had been bathed in limelight and cryogenically frozen by cameras from an early age, so little things were easy to appreciate. They were real and she liked real things. She liked things that set her senses haywire. There was no greater joy than hearing her best friends’ laughter or feeling the misty Tuesday morning air caress her cheeks. Often, she would marvel at colors. The city was filled with them: the resplendent greens found amongst the sycamores in Central Park, the gilded laughter of toddlers on the subway, the mustard-yellow taxis. With the city so big, the girl often felt small, but there was one man who would change that.
He was a sandalwood-scented fantasy hand-picked from her wildest imagination. He was a since-forgotten prayer she had whispered into her joined hands as a child. He was the Prince Charming in every fairytale. The honeyed smile she sought in any crowded room. Austin. He was Austin. Austin with his voice like chocolate. Austin with his wonderland smile. Austin with astrological kisses speckled onto his sculpted cheek. Austin made her feel big. Not so that she took up too much room or required more space. No, Austin simply saw her in a way that cameras could not capture. Austin was real and she liked real things.
In truth, the girl knew she loved Austin lightyears before she accepted it. In reality, it was near impossible for her not to fall in love with him. For all intents and purposes, he was perfect. Austin asked her opinion of things, not out of convention or necessity. The glint in his eye was sincere; he wanted to know her. Austin listened. Austin smiled in all the right places and nodded and allowed her to speak extensively about anything that came to her pretty little mind. Others called it rambling, she was known to be quite the chatterbox, but Austin prodded. Where did you learn that? He’d ask with an amused quirk to his lips. Yeah? He’d lean in closer. Tell me more.
More.
She wanted more than the delicate brush of his hand against hers. More of the deep belly laughs it seemed only she could pull from him. More. She wanted more, but how could she articulate such a thing? How could she tell him that, in her eyes, he’d practically hung the stars in the sky? The words frequently sat on the tip of her tongue. They were sweeter than sugar, but bitter too. She could not tell him. She couldn’t bring herself to say the words even as he pressed a warm kiss to her cheek along with a heartfelt thanks for breakfast. She couldn’t say the words when he opened his arms to her. When his cold rings brushed her cheeks. She wouldn’t make the first move for the mere thought of pushing him away due to her overt displays of love and affection made her stomach turn.
Turn.
Things took a turn some obscure Friday afternoon. Surely the Earth had tilted off its axis for everything had gone wrong. She had slept through a meeting. She tripped coming up the subway steps. She had a hangnail that hurt more than a bullet wound, and, most shocking of all, her long-term friend with benefit had called things off but not before degrading and belittling her. How could he have said such things to her? How could he have been so cruel? The girl bit down on her lip, hoping to stifle the tears. Fact and fiction melded in her mind. Ten years. How could she have wasted ten years on a man who would never want more than her hips and submissive sighs? The man who refused to hold her hand in public but claimed her body behind tinted windows and low-drawn blinds. She felt stupid. So silly was she to believe that he would eventually choose her. The girl shook her head angrily. It was his loss, logically she knew that, but her heart wailed and writhed in pain.
Pain.
It hurt so badly. The stinging rejection. The blatant disregard for her feelings. Hot tears marched down her cheeks as she called the girls who knew her best. Their jeers and threats of shaving the offender bald lifted her spirits, but just barely, and it was then she knew. She knew there was only one person whom could quell the disquietude roaring inside of her liked a starved lion.
Austin.
Austin who turned on booted heel and hailed the first mustard-yellow taxi he saw at the sound of her distress. Austin who took her trembling body into his arms. Austin who cupped her cheeks. Austin who allowed her to babble through the ping-ponging thoughts racketing around her mind. Austin. He didn’t shame her. He didn’t berate her. Instead, he pressed his lips to the freckled canvas of her bare shoulder and allowed her to simply be.
They stayed that way for quite some time, but when her sobs morphed into breathy hiccups, Austin pulled back to see her face. He gave her a smile that didn’t quite reach the blue of his eyes. His mouth opened then closed. They were tucked within her Manhattan apartment, but he could so easily picture himself standing atop a tightrope. Caution was mandatory. The line of friendly propriety they had established was fine as thread. As much as he yearned to topple over the edge and into the vat of unyielding love that lay beneath, he knew now wasn’t the time. Austin’s brows furrowed. When the words began to flow from his pink lips, the sound was soft and slow.
“Alright darlin’, Focus up here.” The girl’s chin turned upward. Her bloodshot blues found the saxe shaded vista beneath Austin’s sandy eyelashes. A tiny spring-bud smile blossomed over her mouth. So quaint. So welcome. Austin’s palms rested delicately against the rounds of her rose-colored cheeks. He was mindful of the silver rings bedecking his fingers as he braced the back of her neck. So delicate. So wholesome. Laurie London had been right. Austin did indeed have the whole world in his hands. “There you are. Hi.”
“Hey,” It was so casual, so them. “Come here often?”
“I do.” Austin’s clipped chuckle was vaguely Elvis-like. “Heard it’s the only place where you can see an angel without goin’ to Heaven.” The southern lilt of his tongue coated each vowel and consonant in powdered sugar. A beat passed. “Listen to me. Okay?” His eyes bounced between hers. “I am so sorry that he’s made you feel this way. There are some people who take no greater comfort than diluting and diminishing good things. Now, I’ve never met ‘em, don’t care to, but he seems like he fits the bill.” Austin’s thumb took her chin. “I’m sorry he made you think that it is hard to love you or, or that it’s hard to choose you because it isn’t.” The boy dampened his lips.
Love.
All she could think about were those four measly letters and how they’d sent her pulse skyrocketing.
Choose.
Oh how she’d always wanted to be chosen. It was engrained into every strand of DNA. What did she want out of an audition? To be chosen. What did she want as a little girl in gym class? To be chosen. What did she want from the once friend? To be chosen. And how did she feel when she wasn’t? Exactly like this.
“The right people will choose you.” He brought her closer, smiling. “Your friends will choose you. Your parents. Me.” His lithe fingers brushed hair behind her ear. “I will always choose you.”
In that moment she could think only about kissing him. It would be so easy. So close they were, she need only rise upon her tiptoes to reach the promise land. There were words she should say and thanks she should give, but nothing ran through her mind except smashing their mouths together. Her eyes must have revealed her intentions for Austin leaned closer.
“Dry up those tears, pretty one. C’mon.” He gently tapped her nose with his. Lifetimes passed as they gazed into the eyes of the other. Austin spoke at last. “I so badly want to kiss you, but I can’t.” It was bold. It was everything. “Can’t. Not yet. I’ve gotta make it special.”
Special.
She didn’t need special. She just needed him. So close they were. So easy it would be.
“Going to make it worth it.” He breathed, fanning mint over her damp lips. “You take my word for it. It’ll be the last first kiss either of us have.” Austin smiled a smile that made her feel real. She liked real things and as he spoke words that filled her heart with gold, she realized that real love was personified before her.
Austin.
Her Austin.
She'd wait forever and a day for him.
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