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“Oh you have got to be joking,” I murmured.
The bar was absolutely jam packed tonight. Ella, new to the job of managing an absolute waste bucket like 79’s, was actually doing a great job of bringing in new blood. Even a few shinies seemed to be venturing to this side of Coruscant. A lot of them had steered clear until they had a bit of mud caked on their boots. I always thought it was because they wanted to have daring stories of their own to share before coming to knock back a few drinks. Corvis had said as much once. Little Tup confirmed the theory, while also confessing that some of the newer clones weren't so eager to run into their superiors on a night off.
Reasonable enough. Though at the moment I couldn’t help but wish our new boss wasn't quite so good at rallying customers. It was supposed to be a slow night, that was what I’d been counting on in order to get off early.
There was a scantily dressed group stumbling their way towards the door. Humans and aliens in various states of undress, covered in glitter and half drunk bottles in their hands.
Fantastic.
As they tried to march past, I stuck out an arm.
“Sorry, we’re all full at the moment.”
One of them, a Rodian in a very sparkly dress, spoke up. “Then why,” he burped softly, “..does he get in?”
Jesse, who had been slipping silently through the gap between my back and the door, paused. I could feel his plastoid armor grazing against me as I straightened, letting my arm fall. I didn't even spare Jess a glance.
“We’re full on civilians. Soldiers get first priority. They’ve earned it.”
A more sober looking Twi’lek stepped closer. Jesse tensed behind me. He still hadn't moved.
“What if we slip you a few credits, little lady?”
My glare didn’t falter.
“Then you’ll be short a few credits and the bar will still be full. Don’t make me repeat myself. I’ve got a blaster in my pocket and very little to lose. Get lost.” They did, grumbling blearily about finding somewhere else to keep the party going.
“I think you’re overpaid to do that,” Jesse shook his head.
“They say if you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life. Anyway you should be thanking me,” I leaned against the chrome doorframe, mirroring him. “I’m the first line of defense between the Republic’s forces and a legion of intensely scandalous admirers who want nothing more than to rip your clothes off.”
“The horror.”
“It’s a responsibility like no other. Truly.”
“They should give you a medal.”
I snorted, “Tell Rex I want one the size of your tattoo.”
The guffaw Jesse let out told me I’d surprised him with that one. He went inside and waved to Fives and the rest of their squad, all crowded around the gambling tables in the back. Ella was bustling around the bar frantically trying to keep everyone’s glasses full. I couldn’t see our new hires but I was sure they were somewhere around. There was no way my little display with the lockers this morning had scared them all off… Hopefully.
No one, other than me, was trained on “gatekeeper duty” as I liked to call it. Sometimes if I was sick Ella would have one of our droids stand here but on a night where every idiot was out-
There was just no way I’d get out at a decent hour. Wolffe and his guys got restless when the place was packed like this. Those guys plus lots of alcohol meant a a fight was inevitable. I checked the list on my datapad and was saddened to find that yes, the entire Wolffepack had come through. I let my head bang back against the wall.
I should send him a message now, before it gets to be too late, I thought.
“You look like you’re thinking really hard.”
My eyes opened to see Deena, our resident mixtape wizard. She had a light sheen of sweat on her brow, probably from fighting off Fives all night. Ella had let him in on the secret that we all got to queue songs before every shift and now he was trying to add his awful music to the playlist. I could see the powercord from the speakers tucked into Deena’s front pocket.
I smiled, “Just contemplating the failures of my career that have led me to this underpaid babysitting job.”
Deena “hmmed” and sipped her drink. She leaned shoulder to shoulder with me as we listened to the bustle of voices slipping outside.
“Any plans after work?”
She knew. She had to know.
“Who told you?”
“Are you kidding?” Deena grinned, “I think the whole bar knows.”
“Oh that's just glorious news,” I groaned.
“I gotta get back inside,” she said. “I hope it dies down enough so you can get cut. He seems nice. Don’t break him.”
I grinned evily, “No promises.”
A few more civvies tried to breeze past, but I shut it down pretty quickly. If it had been karaoke night it would’ve been a hundred times worse. Just as my feet were starting to go numb from standing, I decided it was time for my break.
There wasn’t much sitting room at the actual bar. Clones were leaning on each other and swaying slightly as Deena produced the missing power chord and started up the music again. Fives was complaining loudly. The bar itself actually wasn’t too sticky, so I hopped up and swung my feet, watching the crowd. Ella popped out of the backroom and frowned.
“You’re on break already? Who’s watching the-”
“I can see it perfectly well from here, boss. Plus my aim with a blaster is much better now, I could shoot a pin off Kix’s head at this distance. Pretty sure I can stun any undesirables without knocking over a bottle.”
“Please don't try,” she cautioned.
I gave her a mock salute, “Yes sir.”
“Drink?”
“A big one.”
There was a bit of silence between us as she hurried around, offering smiles and top offs to everyone as she went. Rex and Wolffe made their way towards us. All the clones seemed to beeline out of their way so they had a clear path. Wolffe slid two empty glasses to Ella.
“Two more when you get a second.”
“You got it!”
Rex nodded in greeting, and suddenly the look in Wolffe’s eyes turned into something else.
“Y’know, Rex,” he said loudly, “I heard another Captain was gonna be around tonight.”
Rex looked genuinely lost.
“What?”
“Yeah. Out of Ryloth, you know him I’m sure. Kind of a playboy in this part of town.” This was followed by a pointed look in my direction. I sipped my drink, eyes narrowing.
“Wolffe I don’t think-”
“Come on Rex, you’ve met him a couple of times. My squad seems like they get on with him well enough. Flashy hair. In fact, I heard he’s got quite the admirer over here in the 79's,” Wolffe gave me a Cheshire grin.
My drink slammed down, sloshing over the side a bit.
“You little gossip,” I gaped. “I cannot believe you of all people know.”
“Nothing stays secret in the GAR. It’s like one big locker room. Of course I know.”
“You are such a child, Wolffe. I expect better from such high ranking officers.”
"Poor judgement on your part then."
Rex appeared sheepish, “So then Jesse shouldn’t be telling everyone over at our table about your erm..?”
“Date. You can call it a date, Rex.”
I stood on the bar, ignoring Ella’s shouts about scuffmarks. Even from that height I couldn’t make him out. Despite that ridiculous tattoo. My gaze flitted reflexively over to the door. I sucked in a sharp breath. Suddenly my lunch was threatening to make a reappearance. It was like someone reached into my stomach and twisted.
Howzer stood in full armor, gloved hand lifted in a wave. My eyes widened half in embarrassment, half in shock. Rex and Wolffe had turned around as well.
Wolffe whistled, “Well look at that.”
I lept down and made sure to shoulder past him. Though he didn’t seem to move at all. I shoved past everyone, earning a few angry looks. I didn’t care. By the time I reached Howzer I was red faced and a little winded.
“What’re you doing here?” I half hissed, “You were supposed to meet me later around the block.”
The scar on Howzer’s cheek stretched as his lips pursed, and he leaned forward. “Why are you whispering?”
“I’m not-” but I was. I took a moment to center myself, then spoke again at a normal volume. Trying to sound less like I was scolding him.
“Sorry I just, I wasn’t expecting you. We got really busy and I couldn’t find a spare minute to send you a message. I don’t think Ella is going to be able to do without me tonight.”
“Oh really?”
“Yeah. There’s too many potential tornados waiting to happen with this many of the 501st here, and the Batch is supposed to come through tonight I think..” My voice trailed off at his expression. “What?”
He didn’t look upset, just annoyed.
“You sure the bar being busy is why you want to stay?” Howzer sounded doubtful.
I bristled, “Excuse me? If you have something to say then spit it out.”
“You’ve cancelled on me twice now.”
“I’m not hearing a question.”
“Ken.”
“Howzer. If your ego is bruised this easily then maybe you should be looking somewhere else for a woman. Yes, I cancelled on you, but I’ve been swamped with work.”
It was a lie, of course. Ella was my boss but she was also a friend, a good friend. If I really wanted a night off all I had to do was ask. Going out with Howzer was a nice idea. The flirting had given me something to do. A way to pass the time. But a formal date outside of the bar… That felt real. It felt big.
“You said Clone Force 99 is supposed to stop by.”
“Another statement of facts. You’re really on fire tonight, Captain.” I was being intentionally obtuse now.
Howzer gave me an exasperated look and reached out to grab my arm. I jerked away, but he didn’t drop the hand- just held it in place, an inch away from my wrist. Waiting. There was a question in his eyes. I bit the inside of my cheek and looked around behind me. Fives was at the bar whispering to Ella, who looked openly curious. They both looked up to the ceiling upon realizing I’d caught them. I sighed. Grabbing Howzer’s hand, I tugged him back towards the bar.
Ella looked alarmed, “What are you doing?”
“I need to use your office.”
“No!”
“No,” my face burned, and I did not glance back. “Not like that, E. We just need to talk for a minute. Consider it the last couple minutes of my break. Please.” The last word slipped through my teeth.
Ella’s face softened, knowing that it cost me something to say it.
“Be quick. Also lock the door, otherwise Lyris might walk in by mistake. She’s supposed to come pick up the bucket she left here last night.”
“Hey Howzer,” Wolffe leered over and spoke teasingly. “How’re things?”
“Shut up,” I said, pulling Howzer down the hall and shutting the office door.
He looked around curiously at all the lace and patterned rugs Ella had. It was a far cry from the neon lights and pinups in the front half of the building.
“Nice.”
Releasing his hand, I strode to the pink sofa and sat, picking up a floral pillow and hugging it to my stomach.
“You wanted to talk, so talk.”
Howzer nodded.
“If you don’t want to do this then I think you need to stop wasting both of our time.”
“I wasn't trying to-'' he raised a hand to cut me off.
“It’s never easy with you. I like that. Keeps me on my toes. You’re fun, I mean really fun, Ken. We joke, we flirt, we drink. I even got you to dance that one night. We’ve had a good time together when I’m on-world,” Howzer seemed to be waiting for a response. I nodded.
“Then I ask you out, and you blow me off. Fine. You offer to make it up to me. Great. Then you say you can’t take off. It's just… you can't have it both ways. One minute you’re all over me and the next you can't be bothered to let me know not to come all the way from Ryloth for a date that isnt going to happen. I’m a soldier, a leader. Do you realize the time it takes for me to get someone to cover me even when I’m off duty? I can’t just step away from my responsibilities that easily. I like my job.”
My mouth was dry. I continued scowling down, picking at a loose thread on the pillow, not looking up.
“That’s fair.”
“And look, if this is about Tech-” now I did look up.
“Who said anything about him?”
Howzer gave me a wry, bitter smile, “Rumor mill runs pretty rampant around here. Plus the last two times you flaked on me, they were on Coruscant getting orders.”
I was at a loss. A part of me, an admittedly stupid part, wanted to deny it. Pick a fight and find a way to make this Howzer’s fault. That would be easier. Lashing out rather than being honest about why I kept hesitating to take up a perfectly acceptable offer from an incredibly handsome guy.
Maybe it was the strong drink I’d been sipping before he’d arrived, or maybe I was just tired of fighting tonight. My eyes broke away from Howzer’s challenging stare and looked down at my hands. They were intertwined tightly to conceal the shaking. My hands always shook, but it was worse when I was anxious.
“There’s nothing going on between us, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“I didn’t say that,” he sat beside me, placing his helmet between his feet. “I’m wondering if he’s just the reason you can't say yes.”
“We’re friends.”
“You’re not answering me.”
“Then stop asking.” My voice sounded caught between begging and exhaustion.
“Alright…” Howzer leaned back against the couch.
This silence was heavy. I really did not know what to say or where to go from here. Most people would’ve shouted, stormed off already. Maybe accuse me of lying. Not him. Not Howzer.
“Do you want me to go?” I thought for a minute.
“Can you just- just give me a minute to think so I don’t say something I don’t mean?”
“Came all this way. Yeah, I can do that.”
(Earlier)
“Youre telling me you said yes?” Ella asked. “Again?”
“Why not? He’s hot and he can actually keep up with her,” Grace countered.
“He seems sweet.”
Ella frowned, “You hate sweet. You told me it gives you hives.”
“Well it's not like I’ve got anyone else lined up. We get along well enough, it could be… entertaining.”
“Whatever you want to do Ken, I support you.”
“Thanks mom,” I said mockingly.
“Besides,” Ella went on, “there's no way it could go worse than your first date with Je-”
“HEY HEY,” I cut her off. “That’s still in the vault, E. It’s Fight Club, no one talks about it.”
“Right, sorry. I just…”
“You just… what?”
“Nevermind.”
“I hate when she does that,” I said to Grace. Then I turned back to Ella, “You know I hate it when you do that, right?” She shrugged, leaning against the bar.
Magriet was a few feet away counting the bottles and seeing what we needed to order soon. Without looking up she said:
“She’s talking about the tall, smart one. Mr What’s-His-Name Batch. Little Crosshair-With-Glasses. We all thought you were gonna hold out for that one to finally sack up and ask you out. Or maybe for you to bite the bullet and do it yourself.”
Everyone stared. She turned to face us fully now.
“Was I not supposed to bring that up?”
“Wh- what? I never said anything about waiting for Tech. What the hell would I be waiting for? We’re friends. Book buddies. We talk about books,” I was rambling. “Howzer is great. He's charming and funny, and he has amazing hair. There are so many girls who come in here looking for Howzer. He’s high ranking, not afraid of women like most of the guys in here. There’s no reason for me not to try with him. Did I mention his hair?”
Grace and Ella exchanged a look.
Dev stuck their head out of the kitchen. “I think you’re right.”
“Thank you, D!”
“You should go out with Howzer.”
“And I am.”
“No, you’re not. You were going to cancel on the guy. Again,” Magriet said. “You’re literally making the perfect case as to why you should just go. Get back in the saddle. If you’re not ready to ask out Crosshair’s brother-”
“Tech, his name is Tech,” I mumbled irritatedly.
Everyone looked at me pointedly. I ignored it.
Magriet went on, “It’s just hanging out. Getting used to being around someone who isn’t a coworker for once. Crosshair’s brother- I mean Tech, is a man. At the end of the day, they always want what they can't have. Show him you’re moving on.”
“He’s not like that.”
“Then just have fun,” Ella smiled encouragingly. “We’re always talking about wanting epic love, but you’re the one who reminds me not every relationship is like that. What happened to the girl who walked all over men and women in her platform boots?”
“I agree,” Grace nodded, “at the very least it’ll be a story to tell. Go get a bit of that life you’re always reading about.”
“Wow… You guys make me sound like an absolute loser.” They dissolved into giggles.
I let out a deep sigh.
“Yes.”
Howzer had let his head fall back, but it snapped up now.
“Yes?”
“Yes I have… a feeling about Tech.”
“A feeling. Could you tell me what kind of feeling?”
“No. If you ever ask me again I’m going to hit you. Very hard. In the face. With a chair.”
“So this,” Howzer gestured between us, “isn’t going to happen.”
I squirmed uncomfortably, “I want it to. We’re compatible. I don’t keep cancelling our plans because I’m playing some kind of game or trying to embarrass you. And I am genuinely sorry about you calling away from work. I just…” Now I looked down, “I panicked right before. Everytime.”
He seemed unconvinced, “What’s there to panic about?”
“I’m- I am completely in my element here at 79’s. I’ve worked here for years. If someone pisses me off, I yell. A guy looks at me wrong, I can kick him out. Fight breaks out, I jump in and get banged up, then I go home. I can be in control.” Howzer still looked confused. “I can guess how almost everyday is gonna go when I clock in. I’m comfortable. You’re… new. I don’t do well with new.”
“And Tech?” My face dropped into my hands.
“I don’t know what it is about Tech, but you can be pretty sure he doesn’t feel anything about me. It’s just when we talk it makes me… feel.”
I looked up to see Howzer’s face very close to mine. To my surprise, he was smiling softly. His light eyes scanned my face for any hint of apprehension. He would not find any.
“Do I make you… feel?”
Blood rushed into my face, but I refused to look away. I had walked into that one.
“I like a challenge,” Howzer spoke softly. “But I can’t fight an uphill battle. You’re gonna have to meet me halfway. As in, actually go out with me. Tonight. Now.”
My gaze darted from his eyes to his lips. It took everything in me not to lean forward. To silence both his doubts and mine, letting it all melt away with a kiss.
I had to ask.
“Is that why you came early,” my voice was embarrassingly hoarse. I tried to clear it. “To make sure I didn’t cancel on you a third time? Lest I wound your playboy reputation in this sector. I’m sure all the girls would be ecstatic to hear we fell out.”
Howzer smirked.
“Actually I was on a call with Hunter and he mentioned they might head this way.” My smile dimmed. “I figured,” he went on, “that if I was gonna win this race then I may as well get a head start. That might be considered cheating now that I think about it.”
There was a warm fuzzy feeling blooming in the center of my chest.
It was not love. I had never, as far as I knew, been in love. I’d read about it. Yearned for it. I knew it was intense, all consuming. People fought wars over love. Lived and died in the name of a connection so strong it could either lift them up or destroy them. This was not that. But it was something. This was new and shiny, it didn’t seem at all threatening. A pretty flower without thorns. Howzer had come all this way. He had been honest without pointing fingers. Made me shut up long enough for him to get everything out on the table without being condescending.
And he had listened. Above all that Howzer listened, heard me, and had not faltered.
What more could I want? Howzer shifted forward smoothly, his knee knocking into mine. One of his hands came around to press against the armrest of the sofa. I could feel the other placed lightly on my hip. He leaned down, ghosting his full lips just over mine. My eyes fluttered shut.
BeepBeepBeeeeeeep.
I pulled back a bit so my answering shout didn't burst his eardrums.
“There had better be a fire,” I bellowed frustratedly.
It was Dev’s muffled voice that came through the panel beside the door.
“Code red, Ken. Just wanted to give you a heads up. Also hi Howzer.”
“Hey Dev,” he called. “What’s a code red? Is there something wrong?” For a moment I hesitated.
“No. It’s not important. You know what? Let me just go see if Lyris wants to hop in my spot when she gets here. You still want that date?”
“If I wanted it any more, I’d be on my knees begging.”
“Now I’d pay to see that,” my lip quirked up.
Impulsively, I leaned up and pressed a quick kiss to the corner of Howzer’s mouth. He bent down to chase my lips but I stood and headed towards the door. I heard a groan and a shout of “Youre killing me!” at my back. My grin didn’t waver. Not even when the door slid open and Dev, Ella, Fives, Jesse, Grace, and Magriet stood there. The only one who didn't look startled was Magriet.
“Lyris will be here in five,” she said immediately. “I think she just wants to grab her helmet and go, but the droid can cover you.”
“Once you kick out the 501st the rest will follow,” I told her.
“Hey!”
“Shut up Fives. Tup is hiccuping into his drink, so take your brothers back to the barracks before they vomit all over my floor.”
Jesse looked dismayed, “I’m not even buzzed yet.”
I fixed him with a glare. “I didn’t ask. Either get moving or you'll be the boys in black and blue tomorrow, because I personally go down the 501st roster and actually beat the ever loving sh-'' Rex appeared suddenly.
“ I think it’s time we head out.”
Grateful, I nodded to him once. Jesse and Fives trailed after with twin sullen expressions. Ella seemed to materilze out of nowhere with my coat and bag. She shoved them at me and started fussing over my hair. I flailed away, practically sprinting to the door where Howzer stood.
“Ready?”
“Ye-”
“Ken! There you are!”
“Wrecker, she’s always here,” Hunter said.
“That is not true. She does not always remain the entire shift on nights like this. Though usually there are not so many customers.”
“Rex, you guys headed out?”
“Sorry we missed you, Echo. You wanna walk back with us? Fives might need help carrying Tup.”
Code red.
Howzer waved in greeting to Hunter, who seemed a bit confused to see him on Coruscant. Understandable since they’d been talking earlier today and Howzer had been on Ryloth with his men. Echo wandered alongside the 501st, Wrecker and Hunter saying a quick hello and then going to find a dejarik table. Crosshair sneered by way of greeting, getting an eye roll from me in return. I could feel Howzer’s eyes on me as Tech paused in the doorway.
“It seems we missed quite the evening,” he glanced at Howzer and then focused on me. “I sent you a message about the book you recommended to me.”
The words spilled frommy mouth, I couldn’t stop myself. “Did you like it?”
His brows pinched together endearingly. “I loathed it. From start to finish, just as you said I would. There were almost seven pages describing a blade of grass. Only a pretentious author reinforces the most basic moral principles with so many literary devices. It was frustratingly redundant. He was certainly pleased with his own self-referential cleverness.”
“Exactly!” I laughed. “I knew you would catch on. They call them the classics but that doesn’t make the writing itself above reproach.”
“Certainly not. I was going to get a drink and then we could continue this discussion. Unless,” Tech seemed to remember Howzer. “Were you leaving for the night?”
“That’s up to Ken,” Howzer said. There was no malice in the words. Just another question behind them.
“We’re always talking about epic love, but you’re the one who reminds me not every relationship is like that. What happened to the girl who walked all over men and women in her platform boots?”
“Yeah, actually,” I met Howzer’s eyes and gave him an impish grin. “Howzer and I had plans. We can talk some other time, Tech.”
“I see. Of course.” He paused and glanced between us, pushing up his goggles with one finger. Tech turned to locate his squad and marched in after them. He did not look back.
Howzer was staring at me. There was a lingering sense of unease in the pit of my stomach. I smothered it down, swallowing any lingering doubts. He really was heart crushingly gorgeous. Maybe not an epic love, but a Something.
“Go get a bit of that life you’re always reading about.”
“Ready.”
— (DELETED SCENE) —
“Stop it,” Crosshair hissed.
Tech looked up from the Dejarik board and frowned. Wrecker was taking all the time in the galaxy to make his move. Not that it mattered. Tech’s win was inevitable, his brother just could not see it.
“I did not say anything.”
“You’re sighing too much. You’ve sighed six times since we got here and haven't carried on boring us once. It’s putting me off.”
Tech raised an eyebrow, “My lack of speaking is annoying you. That’s never happened before.”
“Leave him alone, Crosshair,” Hunter said wearily.
Wrecker gasped, drawing all their attention. His figure made a bound towards Tech’s, picked it up, and tore the little alien in half. The table went quiet. Three pairs of eyes locked on Tech.
“I won,” Wrecker’s voice was full of awe.
“I will note the date and time.”
“Did you let me win?”
“Yes,” Tech lied.
Hunter scoffed into his drink. That seemed to snag Crosshair’s attention away from the game.
“Let’s focus on you then.”
“What about me?”
“You’ve gone up to get four different drinks,” Crosshair gestured to the array of colorful glasses beside them. “And you haven't finished a single one. Something at the bar catching your attention, Hunter?”
“Now you should leave me alone.”
“I believe Crosshair is referring to Ella.”
Hunter set his cup down, clearly agitated. “He’s also talking about Ken. You know, Ken? The one who just ran out of here giggling like a schoolgirl with Howzer hanging all over her.”
“I know who she is.”
“He’s impossible,” Hunter said to the ceiling.
“You’re mad she left. Which makes a lot of sense considering you spent the entire trip here going over your talking points about that stupid book to Echo, as if preparing for a debrief. It’s really not that hard to spot.”
“You are looking for subtext where none exists. Perhaps I was sighing because I was bored of this game.”
“Yeah, so bored that you lost!” Wrecker pointed out.
Tech stood, his stool almost tipping back in his haste to escape this ridiculous conversation.
“I am getting a drink to add to Hunter’s collection. I’ll be back shortly.” He ignored the shouts as he weaved his way through the crowd of Regs.
“What do you think?” Hunter asked.
Crosshair folded his arms, “I’ll ask. Ken’s not big on gossiping when it's about her. You’re going to ask Howzer.” It was not a question.
“Already sent a message.”
END