Chapter Text
tuesday, march 20th, 2012
it was the first day of spring, but it was cold and wet in arcadia bay, oregon. it was the start of spring break, but the weather had been miserable enough that you stayed inside instead, listening to the rain patter against the windows and watching the clouds cover the sun.
a knock on the door alerted you to someone's presence. confused, you went to see who was crazy enough to be out in the downpour. of course, it was steph gingrich, a kind and pretty girl with a nerdy streak. she was the one person you could count on not to let the weather stop her from going where she wanted. you often played games with her and a younger kid called mikey north.
"steph, it's fucking storming out," you stated, though it was obvious and useless. she was already here.
"at least i didn't drag you out in this." she held up a large plastic bag, decks of cards stacked neatly in it. "i couldn't convince mikey this time."
"he's smart."
"come on," she said. "we might as well play. i'm already here."
you rolled your eyes, ushering her in. "i'll set it up. you can borrow some clothes."
while steph changed, you laid out the cards. she'd introduced you to numerous story-based games, but you'd shown her the deck-building games. your mutual interest in the same kinds of games had brought you together. you didn't speak to many people at blackwell academy, preferring to stay away from the drama—but you'd bonded easily with her and mikey.
you played two games, starting the tiebreaker round as the thunder and lightning lessened. your parents returned home partway through, tiredly greeting you and steph, who responded cheerily. "will you be staying for dinner?"
"if you don't mind," she answered. "i like your cooking."
your mother smiled, chuckling lightly. "we like that you appreciate it."
as your parents started on dinner, you turned your attention to steph. "hey, if you don't mind me asking, whatever happened with rachel?"
she'd confided that she'd once asked chloe price if rachel amber was single, and you'd never heard the rest of the story as you'd been interrupted by someone.
"i got a vague answer from chloe so i didn't bother," she said. "it turned out to be a good thing because i'm pretty sure they're dating." she shrugged. "anyway, i'm sure i'll find another hot girl to crush on once i get out of here. arcadia bay is too small, and i feel like i know most of the people here. i need something new."
"is that your plan after graduation? leaving?"
"yeah. i'm not really sure where i'll go, but i want to get more serious about learning drums. i want to go somewhere with a better music scene."
"if you're nearby and firewalk ever plays, you have to let me know. i'm bummed i missed them when they played here a few years ago, but i definitely wasn't daring enough like chloe was to get in." you laughed at the memory. joyce had told you about chloe's escapade that night during one of your shifts at the two whales diner a few days later, and though you sympathised with her, it was simply just teenage behaviour to you. "maybe you'll find cool band members and become the next firewalk."
steph smiled brightly at you. "i wish. i have to learn how to play first."
you won the tiebreaker round, to which steph swore she'd beat you next time. she claimed you'd intentionally distracted her with music talk so you could win, which you didn't deny. maybe you had.
as you ate, your parents engaged steph in a discussion about graduation and future plans. you let them talk, listening while focusing on your food. you'd already made up your mind about taking a gap year to try and figure out your next step. you'd stay in arcadia bay for at least another year, working to save money. maybe you'd get lucky and find a job that either paid better or helped you find a path.
steph left soon after you finished eating, thanking your parents for the meal. she hugged you, promising to be back soon. as you walked her to the door, she stopped to look at you. "you should come with me."
you blinked, not sure you heard her right. "sorry?"
"you should come with me. we could travel together and make memories outside of here."
"i don't have any money to spare. it's called savings for a reason. if i don't end up going to college, i'll need it to move out."
she tilted her head. "then keep working. i'll ask you again at the start of next school year."
"what will you do in the meantime?"
"get another job." she grinned. "you're right about needing money. i think i can stand to stay here a few more months. besides, i'm sure i can find a drum teacher here in arcadia. or i could just teach myself; it'll be cheaper that way."
you scrutinised her expression. she was completely serious, you decided. "okay. ask me again next school year."
thursday, april 12th, 2012
the last two months of senior year would be agonising. you'd already been subjected to "senioritis," slacking off—either intentional or accidental—and having to force yourself to get assignments done and pay attention in classes. it was easier to get away with zoning out when the teacher was one who got lost in their own words, like ms. grant, and those were your favourite classes. you could nap or doodle in your notebook, thoughts so far from the material.
when you weren't ignoring lessons, you were painting by yourself in the courtyard, playing games with mikey and steph, or climbing the trees that were expressly off-limits. you tried to stay away from the other students, but they sometimes migrated in your direction, which meant you had to interact with some of them occasionally.
"yo, that's a dope painting," someone said from behind you. it was the first day all season that wasn't absolutely gloomy. the sun was out, and the ground and picnic tables had dried. you turned and saw a guy with a skateboard in one hand and a blunt in the other.
"thanks."
"you're friends with steph, right?" you nodded. "she's pretty cool."
"yeah." you cleared your throat. "did you need something?"
"not really. i was just passing by and saw your painting." he held out his hand. "want a puff?"
"no, thanks."
he shrugged. "catch ya later."
what? you mouthed to yourself, confused and taken aback. the people at this school sure were weird, but you supposed that's what you got for going to a school that specialised in art, science, and, unofficially, stoners.
your gaze wandered the yard, seeing the different groups of people that stuck together. you saw two girls under a tree, one with dark hair and the other with light. you'd seen them around before, but you didn't know their names, which wasn't unusual. it was easy not to pay attention to others here.
you recognised most of the students, but besides steph and mikey, the only names you remembered were nathan prescott and victoria chase. it was hard not to know those names. they were notoriously mean and unnecessarily cruel. even though they were younger than you, you stayed away from them. you had better things to do than think about bullies.
"hey!" mikey said your name as he sat down beside you. "i heard we might be getting a new student next year."
"where'd you hear that?" it didn't really matter to you because you'd be gone by then, but you were always interested in what he had to say.
"a lot of people here like to gossip." he shrugged, opening up a handbook and rifling through the pages.
"and where'd they learn that?"
"couldn't tell you, but i bet some of them can get teachers to talk."
"are you talking about the rumours?" steph appeared at your other side. "i can't imagine coming to arcadia bay for anything other than blackwell, so they must be into science or art."
"how does everyone know except me?" you wondered aloud. it was only strange because very few new people came to arcadia bay. they were either born in the area or had connections to the school.
"because we actually talk to people," steph teased. "you just sit by yourself with your paints and don't listen to anyone."
"sorry i don't like wasting my time with stupid shit like getting drunk and smoking weed."
steph shook her head in fake disappointment. "at least you like music. it'd suck if you also didn't like going to concerts."
"and games," mikey added. "i like having more than just steph to play games with."
"am i not enough?" she asked dramatically. "i thought i was your favourite person here!"
you laughed at their antics. although you were friends with both of them, they were better friends with each other, and it was obvious when they were together. still, you appreciated that they'd accepted you into their group. it made high school—and blackwell—all the more bearable.
wednesday, may 16th, 2012
on your eighteenth birthday, you skipped class. you spent the morning sleeping in, then painted until it was time to pick up your cousin and grandmother—the one you weren't related to—who had flown in from colorado. your own parents were on business out of town and were unable to celebrate with you, which was why your cousin and her grandmother were there.
riley was thirteen and very into robotics. she was kind and sweet and looked up to you—for some reason you still hadn't discovered. even though she was five years younger than you, she was one of your best friends.
eleanor was her grandmother. she was a gentle, caring woman who looked after you as if you were one of her own grandkids. she always had a gift for you on the rare occasions you saw each other.
"happy birthday!" riley called out as soon as she saw you, her arms immediately wrapping tightly around your body.
you were at the diner, the one place you knew would have the type of food they'd want after a flight. it was comforting and homely in a different way than a home-cooked meal.
"thanks, riley. how are you? how's school? you start high school next year, right?"
as she talked and talked about different school events, friends, and projects, you smiled softly at her. she was bright and cheerful, and you hoped she would keep that with her. high school had proven to be a shit show, and you were a little worried for her.
"can i get you anything else?" joyce asked as she stopped in front of your table. "now, aren't you supposed to be in class?"
you pursed your lips. "yeah, but it's my birthday, and they flew in from colorado to celebrate with me since my parents are gone."
joyce's frown turned into a defeated smile. "i'd forgotten about that. i'll let it slide today since you've got company, but remember that you're so close to graduating."
"i know. thank you."
"i'm joyce, by the way," she addressed the other two. "they work here part-time and are a pleasure to have around."
"it's good to hear that they're consistent," eleanor joked. "i'm eleanor, and this is my granddaughter riley." riley gave joyce a shy smile.
after you finished eating and opening the presents they brought you, you headed back home. your car was almost as old as you, but it worked well enough. the house was quiet, almost a little eerie, without your parents. you set riley up in your room and eleanor in the guest room.
"help yourselves to whatever's in the fridge," you told them. "i can go grab anything we don't have—just let me know. the computer in the den is open for use; the password is on the sticky note in one of the drawers." you gave them the rundown your parents gave you before they left.
"thank you, dear," eleanor said, looking at the pictures on the walls. "we'll be just fine."
it was late afternoon now, not too long after classes had let out. "i promised my friends steph and mikey i'd hang out with them for a few hours. i'll be back soon, and then we can play a game or watch a movie or something."
"go have fun," eleanor said.
"i'm getting picked up, so i'll leave you my car keys in case you want to go out. i'll show you around properly later."
"i'll finish my homework so i don't have to do it later," said riley, looking up at you. "then we'll have time to play."
"that sounds good." you patted her head lovingly. "i'll be back after dinner, okay?" she nodded.
the doorbell rang, and you opened it to see steph, mikey behind her this time. "happy birthday, nerd!"
"look who's talking," you retorted. "i just have to grab my phone from upstairs, then i'll be ready."
"so that's why you didn't answer."
"feel free to come in. riley and eleanor are here." you'd told them about your plans for your birthday and the days afterwards, how your parents would be away, and that they would fly in.
"hi, i'm steph," she introduced. "this is mikey. i heard you're into robotics. that's super cool!"
when you came back down the stairs, you saw steph showing riley something on her phone, which you hoped was nothing embarrassing. you didn't need your thirteen-year-old cousin to see old diy costumes or other poorly executed pieces of work. steph already made fun of you for them; you didn't need someone else to.
you spent the next few hours with steph and mikey. you played a couple of rounds of your favourite deck-building game, finished some more episodes of the show you three were watching, and drove out of town to eat something that wasn't greasy diner food.
you were surprised by dessert when you returned to the house. riley and eleanor sang loudly, and you blew out the candles, making a silent wish you hoped would come true.
"thank you for being here with me," you said to them, a little teary. "it means a lot."
"we couldn't leave you to celebrate alone, dear." eleanor hugged you warmly. "you deserve better than that."
friday, june 8th, 2012
graduation day had finally arrived, and you were beyond excited. even if you decided to go to college later on, graduating high school meant no more homework, no more classes, and no more teachers. you were free to spend your time doing whatever you wanted.
you woke up early, showered, and debated what to wear before ultimately deciding you didn't really care. you threw on an outfit and headed to the courtyard where graduation would be held. the stage was decorated with cheap banners and signs, with clusters of balloons surrounding it.
you waited anxiously for your name to be called, then walked across the stage as confidently as possible. you avoided eye contact with everyone except principal wells, who shook your hand and congratulated you. only when you were off the stage did you lock eyes with steph, who made a face that made you snort out loud.
"we're so proud of you," your father said, clapping you on the shoulder as you stopped in front of them.
"you looked great up there," your mother said, showing you the photos she took. "oh, you're so grown up now. just yesterday, you were a toddler who threw tantrums."
you endured their talk, smiling a little forcefully. as much as you loved them, they were a bit too absent for your liking. you knew they were busy with work, but you wished they'd been around more when you were a kid. you'd always had some aunt, uncle, or family friend watch you when they were gone, which happened nearly every month.
your parents took you to dinner to celebrate, which felt like the first family outing in a long time. if they didn't feel like cooking, they'd order takeout and leave you to your own devices, which you normally wanted, but not when they were available.
"are you still planning on working throughout the summer before thinking about college?" your father asked.
"yeah. i want to get some footing first. i'll have more time to try out different things. maybe i'll find something i want to go to school for."
"i still don't see why you don't go to an art school to get even better at painting," your mother said. "it seems like the obvious choice."
"you know i love painting," you tried to explain, "but i don't want to end up hating it by being required to for school. it's why i stopped liking writing. all those papers made me like it less."
talking about your future with your parents was always a little aggravating. they did their best to be supportive, but sometimes, their best just wasn't right. there were ties you felt ambushed or belittled, though you were scared to bring it up for fear of upsetting them. by the time you were fourteen, you'd decided that if they weren't around enough to know you better, you wouldn't bother telling them. unfortunately, that also made you prone to fearing disappointment—especially if it came from them.
after thinking long and hard about steph's offer, you'd chosen to take her up on it. you'd spend the summer working and then travel the west coast with her. if you worked a lot of hours and budgeted right, you could last a month or so before running out of money outside of the small savings you'd accumulated over the years you'd been working.
"well, whatever you decide, we'll help you however we can."
you nodded, though you weren't really paying attention. you were looking forward to the trip with steph. it'd be nice to get away from arcadia bay for a while, away from the both suffocating and welcoming presence the town held.
september 2012
it was finally time for your month-long road trip. you'd spent hours and hours and hours working away at the diner, sometimes cooking food but mostly talking to customers and waiting on them. in that regard, you were glad that the town was small and you knew just about everyone because it meant the only rude people were nathan, victoria, and, every once in a while, frank bowers.
you and steph took turns driving to each destination. you stopped by parks, monuments, and attractions. you stayed in motels and cheap bed-and-breakfasts, discovered other small towns, and found all sorts of odd items to bring back.
the summer sun beat down on you as you drove during the day, windows down and music blasting. steph had curated multiple playlists that evoked different emotions and feelings, which she played based on the overall mood. you could always count on her to play the right music.
one of the first destinations was a firewalk show in washington, which you were beyond excited for. ever since you discovered them, you dreamt of seeing them live. their lyrics resonated deeply with you, and the energy they produced was unmatched. it was incredible and unforgettable; you would carry those memories forever.
you visited aquariums and beaches, amusement parks and carnivals, museums and arboretums. you even stumbled upon a travelling circus in california, which was both enthralling and terrifying. the weather wasn't too hot or too cold, for the most part, and it was less rainy than other months.
some of the destinations were more inland, but you didn't mind straying from the coast. it was cool to see mountains instead of the ocean, especially since you'd seen nothing but the ocean for the past four years. the view arcadia bay had was gorgeous, but sometimes it was nice to see something other than a vast, endless sea.
on the contrary, seeing other bays and lighthouses was fascinating. you'd gotten so used to arcadia bay and the lighthouse in the years you'd been there that you thought seeing more wouldn't be interesting, but you were wrong. each lighthouse had a different tale—some inspiring, some haunting—that was so much more than yours.
"man, it'd be really cool to live down here," steph said one day, halfway through your journey. "seeing all the glitz and glamour makes it all the more special. it's almost hypnotic. imagine getting big and performing in front of sold-out crowds."
"that sounds awful," you replied without malice. you knew her dream was to learn an instrument, start a band, and perform. you, however, wanted to paint nature.
you'd brought part of your collection of paints and numerous medium-sized canvases. while steph strummed an old guitar she'd bought at a yard sale, you recreated scenes from memory.
"sorry i appreciate the thrill of attention," she joked back. "maybe you need to find a quiet mountain man who will sit around parks with you while you paint."
"hey, that doesn't sound bad at all," you replied, not opposed to the idea. while steph was more open about her crushes and endeavours, you tended not to think about relationships. you were only eighteen; there was so much more to discover. "just don't forget me when you become a world-famous rock star."
she gasped dramatically, hand going over her heart. "i would never! you, my friend, will always be in here."
that brought you comfort. the idea of being forgotten by one of the closest friends you had was disheartening, but you knew she'd keep her promise. she was steph gingrich, after all.
monday, december 31st, 2012
the end of the year arrived sooner than you thought it would. as the last hour of the day—the year—came upon you, you thought back to everything significant that had happened. you'd almost gotten caught sneaking into the blackwell pool with rachel, chloe, and steph; you'd turned twenty-one; you'd graduated high school; you'd gone on a road trip with steph.
it had been an eventful, fulfilling year, and you would miss it. you didn't know what the next year—or any others after it—would bring, and in truth, you were a little frightened by the future. you weren't sure what would come next, and you didn't want to traverse it alone.
you were perched in a tree, jacket zipped up, scarf wrapped around your neck, hat covering your head, and hands stuffed into your pockets. you watched the moon as it shined over you. the sky was clear, making it seem even brighter.
"five!"
"four!"
"three!"
"two!"
"one!"
"happy new year!"
time, disguised as a weird feeling—both nostalgic and euphoric—washed over you.