Work Text:
Kohaku sits on the floor of the practice room with his back against the mirrors and a water bottle hanging loosely between his hands. There are a lot of things he should probably feel more aware of, like how cold the room is with the way it’s raising goosebumps on his arms or how the concrete floor is being a literal pain in the ass.
HiMERU sits beside him on his heels.
“You’ve been staring at Shiina and Amagi for nearly 20 minutes,” he observes while unpeeling a protein bar with near surgical precision.
“‘m not staring,” Kohaku replies as he realizes how dry his eyes are and attempts to blink as many times as possible without looking like that’s what he’s doing. “I’m tryin’ to blow them up with my mind.”
HiMERU hums. “HiMERU suggests an explosive—it would be faster and more efficient.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Kohaku answers as HiMERU takes bites of his protein bar in a way that could be seen as similar to some sort of small animal. Kohaku doubts that HiMERU would appreciate the comparison, but tucks the mental image away to snort at later.
“HiMERU is unable to guess what the two of them have done to displease you, as there are too many possibilities, so you will need to enlighten him.”
Sidestepping the question—or maybe answering around it—Kohaku asks, “Have you ever been in love?”
HiMERU chokes on his protein bar, nearly tips over, and then uses one hand on the floor to brace himself before letting out a series of unattractive, hoarse, hacking coughs.
After Kohaku wordlessly passes over a water bottle, HiMERU answers as evenly as possible and with no acknowledgment of the incident whatsoever, “No, I—He has not.”
“Ah. Sorry.”
Rinne and Niki have at no point noticed any of this—Kohaku can’t quite tell what sort of hold Niki is currently trapped in, but he’s decently sure it’s banned in most competitive fighting tournaments. Niki has slapped his palm down on the practice room floor a dozen times in an attempt to tap out, but Rinne keeps sticking his own hand underneath it because he can somehow turn even a high five into a torture technique.
Then, likely because he was thinking of torture techniques, a loud, barely-a-courtesy knock precedes an even louder entrance.
“Kohaku-saaaaan!” Madara’s voice echoes through the wide space of the practice room and bounces off of the walls, much like the door does when he swings it open. “Mama is here to get you!”
Kohaku’s head snaps towards him. “Wh—Madara-han?”
Madara’s stride brings him to Kohaku and HiMERU in very little time, and with his hands on his hips, he asks, “Did you forget about our meeting with Anzu-san? We’re scheduling a recording session, remember?”
“Shit,” Kohaku mumbles at the floor. Madara’s grinning, lilting voice makes his stomach turn. So obnoxious. He stands quickly because having Madara tower over him always makes him want to kick him in the ankles. “Sorry, we ran a bit overtime; let me just—”
He’s got one strap of his backpack hanging loosely from his hand when Rinne waltzes over with an exhausted-looking Niki under his arm.
“Oi, oi, what’s this? Mikeneko-chan, you’re not stealing our Kohaku-chan away, are you?” Rinne shakes Niki around a little, who only moans weakly in protest. “We don’t take kindly to one of our own being messed with, y’see.”
“Don’t be an ass, Rinne-han; it’s your fault I’m late in the first place. I’m go—”
“No, Kohaku-san, I have to respect this,” Madara solemnly answers. “Crazy:B has a way of doing things, and I would never want to be on the end of your sting.”
Madara looks from Rinne down to Niki, then to Kohaku, and then down to HiMERU, who watches impassively and hasn’t bothered to get up.
So fast that not even he sees it coming, Madara wraps his arms around Kohaku’s waist, picks him up, and throws him over his shoulder before hightailing it for the door, Kohaku’s backpack swinging through the air behind them.
“The hell is wrong with you?!” Kohaku’s voice shrieks from outside the practice room and into every hallway.
Madara’s laughing voice answers, “Know when to run, Kohaku-san! A bee can’t sting what it can’t catch!”
Cackling, Rinne takes one of Niki’s hands and spins him around in an inelegant, topsy-turvy twirl. “All the better to plan his comeuppance, right, Niki?” He releases Niki and instead grabs his shoulders. “This means war.”
“You’re insane,” Niki says.
“All is fair in love and war,” HiMERU muses thoughtfully.
“Insane.”