Chapter Text
Carlos was in the middle of a class, the teacher was speaking to everyone but he couldn't make out a single word. Everything was blurred together and it felt extremely hard to think.
Carlos was glad he was in the back of the classroom, he sighed as he laid his head down on his desk, trying to ease the ache in his head.
He knew that the teacher was speaking but he couldn't really hear it anymore.. couldn't really think.
Carlos lifted his head up with a groan, blinking a lot.
The classroom was completely empty. He checked his watch, 4:00pm?
He couldn't remember anything, had he really lost that much time?
He shook it off as he pushed out the vague feelings that weren't his. Trying to blockout the faraway voice, he didn't have the energy to deal with that right now.
He pulled out his phone. He had a few missed messages from Mal.
He grimaced as he saw a few missed calls too, he clicked on the notification.
Mal.: "Carlos. As the leader it's important you tell me what's wrong. You can't just be an asshole and then blow us off! This behaviour is worrying!"
Carlos furrowed his eyebrows, he doesn't remember being mean..? He hated conflict.
He texted back in a confusion,
'Los <3: "What do you mean? I've been in class for the last 3 hours?"
Mal instantly was typing a response, he knew that meant she was mad..
Mal.: "Don't pull that crap with me, Carlos. You were at the vending machines about 45 minutes ago trying to get something out, and when Evie came over to talk to you, you just completely freaked and kept insisting you didn't know her, and that your name wasn't Carlos!"
Carlos slumped his head on the desk again, letting out a frustrated groan. He didn't exactly know what was happening but as far as he can remember, there have always been these.. voices in his head, but not like 'the voices want me to kill you' kind, the kind that annoyingly comments on what you're doing, telling you that you need to wear something, or make something, or be something different because you're style is different then theirs.
He had always thought (and desperately tried to convince himself) that it was just characters he made up, to help him with the isle or something! But.. he had always had a problem where'd he'd have blackouts or lose a lot of time. And he wouldn't be himself.. but that's because he wasn't.
He didn't really understand it but whenever he blacked out or lost track of time it meant that someone else had taken control.
And he was pretty sure that was what had happened.
He yelled into his mind,
"WHO? Who keeps doing this!"
He got a response, but it came in more of jumbled letters and a vague feeling that made him struggle to put together a coherent sentence.
"Not... my fault. I-.. (I'm?) not you."
He groaned again, why was this so hard?? There was random people in his head who could control his body and they couldn't even properly talk to him!
Just then he realised that he had left Mal on read, shoot..
'Los <3: "Mal, I'm sorry.. I think it's from the isle but sometimes I just have blackout episodes where I can't remember anything, it's really confusing.."
A distant voice in his head reminded him he was half lying.
"Shut up! At least I can actually talk to my friends!"
Silence.
It always went like that!
A ping on his phone came,
Mal.: "Alright, I would've appreciated this info earlier."
'Los <3: "Yeah, sorry Mal."
He slipped his phone back into his pocket with a sigh,
He was walking back to his shared doom room with Jay when he felt the fog ingulf his mind again,
He put his arm against the wall, leaning against it for support. He felt a distant voice telling him it was okay.
The next time Carlos regained consciousness, he was outside sitting on a park bench. Looking up, the sky was pitch black.. it must be midnight.
He looked around, he was only surrounded by trees. He literally had no idea where he was,
He pulled out his phone, a missed message from Jay.
He clicked on the contact, ringing him.
Jay picked up after a few rings, "Carlos? It's 3AM, why are you calling and where even are you?"
Carlos sighed, "right.. sorry if I woke you up. And-.. to be honest, I'm..I'm not really sure? Last- last.. thing I remember I was walking back to our dorm room and I blacked out and now I'm in a forest with no memory of how I got here!"
Jay went quiet, "Hey, Carlos.."
He had a soft tone, which surprised Carlos,
"Do you..do you happen to have constant blackouts, loss of memory you should have, like important events and childhood, outer body experiences, and voices in your head?"
Carlos' eyebrows furrowed, "yeah, exactly. How did you know all that?"
As soon as the got off the isle, Jay had spent every free moment researching different disorders. As the protector of the group he didn't trust outsiders to deal with trauma, he wanted to learn everything he could so he could handle that for the group. He also knew there was no way the 4 of them don't have trauma disorders, you don't come off growing up one the isle without problems.
"Do you, by any chance.. know what Dissociative Identity Disorder is?"
"What's that?"
Jay knew he had to handle this carefully, if Carlos didn't know things there was probably a reason. He didn't want to cause unnecessary hardships.
"I can't really go into the details, but it's a disorder that.. is caused from repetitive childhood trauma, that causes.. basically multiple people to be living in one body." He decided that was the safest explanation.
"What? How's that possible..?"
"Uhm-.. basically when a child's brain is forming, there is different parts of the brain that integrate into one completely personality. But for individuals with D.I.D repetitive trauma causes amnesiac walls in between these parts so they can't integrate as one. And instead become their own individual selves.. it's basically the brains way to protect itself from the trauma." He explained slowly, hoping he was going over the facts right.
Carlos went silent, that.. that made a lot of sense.
"You shouldn't take just my word for it though, you shouldn't probably self diagnose something until you've done a lot of different research.. it's quite complicated. I'll help you."
For once Carlos didn't try to push out the distance voice in his head,
"Told you."
"Uh, for now though. Do you need a pick up?"
"..yes please..."
Jay chuckled, "I'll trace your location and I'll be there soon."