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“I’m sorry,” Firefly begins, her bottom lip trembling. You see the glimmer of tears in her eyes. She looks away, guiltily, as if she can’t stand to meet your gaze. In spite of it all, you take a step forward. A million questions are running through your mind. Why did you lie to me? Was it all an act? Why did you let me believe you had died?
But there is one question above all that you ask first:
“…Are you okay?”
When the words leave your lips, Firefly looks at you, surprised. As if she had expected something harsher from you.
“I—I’m okay,” she nods. The next thing she says makes a knot form in your gut. “…Do you… do you hate me, Trailblazer?”
“Of course not,” you say, shaking your head vehemently. It’s the truth; you feel betrayed, yes, but hate was the furthest thing from your mind. Above all else, you were beyond glad that she was alive . “I don’t. I never could — I… I just want some answers, Firefly. Please.”
“I know,” she murmurs. “You deserve some.”
There is a forlorn, sad look in those prismatic eyes of hers. It was impossible to reconcile the brutality of the Stellaron Hunter with the image of the gentle, kind-hearted girl that you’d grown close to. At least the others had made sense. Firefly… was an enigma to you. And every one of your thoughts about her found you in deep conflict.
“I didn’t want to deceive you,” she whispers. “I wanted to tell you, so many times. But I never had the opportunity. Time and time again, things came up. I had to adhere to the script. But believe me, please , I wanted to let you know.”
You want to believe her. Her words seem genuine, and you want to think her words are the truth. But you can’t know for sure if this is yet another lie. Not yet, at least.
“When I wa attacked by “Death” for the first time, I knew it would come back,” Firefly says. Her gaze drifts downwards, towards the Dreamscape’s endless abyss. “I’m sorry you had to see it, still. I did what I was supposed to, but I knew it would hurt you. That’s why I apologised before it ‘killed’ me.”
You remember that now — the very horror you felt when the Meme impaled her, how you’d rushed to catch her with no regard for your own safety, and how the last words you’d heard from her lips were ‘ sorry’ . You could still feel that cold, blue liquid clinging to your skin, a pallid reminder of death. The despair that had threatened to envelop you in that instant… only Acheron’s words, her soothing prayer for the departed, had been enough to ground you back to reality.
“But you didn’t die,” you murmur. “So death truly doesn’t exist in the Dreamscape…”
(Indeed, if that’s true… you wonder if Robin was okay. She wasn’t a Stellaron Hunter though, but a mere singer. You imagine Sunday would like to know this.)
She nods, sighing softly. “When I ‘died’, it, in fact, thrust me into an even deeper dream. I was asleep — dormant — to this layer of the Dreamscape. But I didn’t become a Stellaron Hunter without having a strong will. I woke up of my own accord, and… as Sam, I came back. For you .”
“For me?” You echo, surprised. When you think of the scorched carnage left behind, you realise it must have been true. She was worried for you?
Firefly’s cheeks flush pink. She looks away, embarrassed. “I mean, I knew you could fend for yourself. But I—well, nothing in the script forbade me from coming back. Neither did I know that those two would have been there with you. Otherwise, I could’ve explained myself sooner.”
A startling realisation came to your mind. A sudden recollection — in the midst of the panic that ensued upon seeing a Stellaron Hunter before you, Sam had reached a hand out to you. At the time, you had thought it to be a threat. But now, with this information, it dawned upon you: that was Firefly, attempting to rescue you from what she had perceived as danger. She didn’t trust Acheron or Black Swan.
“Bad timing, huh?” You let out a weak chuckle. “…Sorry. I got whisked away before I could get a word out…”
“No, I understand.” She shakes her head. “That Galaxy Ranger, Acheron… I could sense how powerful she was from her mere presence. I thought she might hurt you. But when you left — we had a conversation. She refused to take up her blade against me. She told me she knew who I was — and she said some things that made me think.”
Firefly wipes her eyes against her sleeve; you hadn’t realised that she’d started crying. Every instinct in your body wanted to reach out to pull her into a hug. But not yet. There was still something you had to know.
“Was… any of it real?” The words leave your lips after a bated breath, your chest tightening at the prospect of what her answer could be. “All of this. Everything you said to me… about Entropy Loss Syndrome. Your desire to dream. Your kindness towards me. Was it all just an act? Were you only following your script?”
There is a moment of dreaded silence as she hangs her head to the side. She doesn’t meet your gaze, but shame burns in her eyes. Her fingers tremble ever so slightly, clasped tightly together. Your heart skips a beat — had she been lying to you this whole time? Was ‘Sam’ who she really was, with “Firefly” being nothing more than a mere facade?
“I didn’t lie about those,” she whispers, after what feels like an eternity. “I’m only good at one thing, and that is… burning everything to ashes. So, my part of the script was brief. Everything else was left to my choice. Including befriending you.”
A wave of relief washes over you.
“Oh,” you exhale. “You… really meant it, then?”
“I really, really meant all that I said,” Firefly tells you. She stands up, grasping your hands with her own, and you are shocked at just how warm they are. Firefly looks up at you with wide, tear-filled eyes, and your heart aches. You look into her eyes, and then, you see the girl you had thought was your friend once more.
“I didn’t just say it to earn your trust! I really did open up to you. I really am sick and dying in the real world… and Penacony really is the only place I’ve ever been able to dream. The only place where I could be ‘me’.” She looks up, something akin to sorrow in her expression. “I wanted to stay in this dream forever. At least, for as long as I possibly could.”
Her words are said with such vigour, with such a fire alight in her glossy eyes that you don’t think you could doubt her anymore. You weren’t exactly the best at reading people, but even you knew that this was the very truth.
“I’m the Stellaron Hunter Sam, yes, but… I’m also Firefly. Being “Firefly” isn’t a lie for me. And— I’m sorry for lying to you. I’m sorry for keeping all this a secret. I’m sorry I—”
And without another word, you pull her into a hug. Firefly freezes, her eyes widening. It doesn’t take long for her to break down, sobbing, tears streaming down her cheeks. She hiccups, murmuring more inaudible apologies into your shirt. Her arms, wrapped around you to the best of her ability, grip onto you so tightly that you could start to bring yourself to believe that this was , indeed, the strength of a mecha soldier.
“Stop apologising,” you say, softly. “It’s okay.”
“I’m so, so sorry, Trailblazer,” she sobs, burying her head against you. “I… I understand if you don’t forgive me. I just… want you to know that I really did care for you. So… it’s okay if you hate me. I’d understand—”
“I forgive you, Firefly,” you whisper, pulling her closer. There are tears welling up in your very own eyes, though you hadn’t noticed until now. “You’re okay now. And you will be. I promise.”
You knew, realistically, that this peace wouldn’t and couldn’t last forever. She was a Stellaron Hunter, after all. Along with that, it wasn’t like she needed your protection.
But as you sat there, in that empty Dreamscape with nothing save the two of you and the concurrent, low beating of your hearts — you knew that if you had any say in it, Firefly’s flame would continue burning bright.