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Yuji stares silently at the clock on his wall, watching the arms tick rhythmically. He sits in his bed, unmoving, in the dark of his room.
11:30
11:45
12:00
October 31st.
Halloween used to be his favorite holiday.
It's not anymore.
12:15
12:30
He remembers planning his 2018 Halloween with Megumi and Nobara and Gojo. They had all agreed to do a group costume together. Naruto characters. Yuji was going to be Naruto, Megumi was forced into being Sasuke, Nobara begrudgingly agreed to be Sakura, and Gojo happily went along with his role as Kakashi. They'd actually made the costumes too, not just bought them.
They never got to wear them.
12:45
1:00
He watches the midnight drag by, giving way to early morning. It's still going to be about five hours before the sun rises.
He rolls over in bed, looking at the four bouquets of roses sitting on his desk. Yellow, pink, blue, and white. He runs through the colors in his mind again. It took him a while to pick them out. He wanted their spirits to be happy with the gifts.
1:45
2:00
It's the first anniversary of the incident. He lets himself take very few days off from hunting down curses. Today is one of them.
2:45
3:00
He doesn't know how much longer he can sit in bed for. Choso has told him many times he needs to get more rest. He's trying. But he doesn't know if he can fall asleep while all of his friends can't wake up.
3:30
3:45
4:00
He sits up in bed, unable to be still anymore. He stands up, running his fingers through his hair with shaking hands. He walks into the bathroom connected to his room, closing the door behind him.
Yuji stares at his reflection in the mirror as he flicks on the lights. He runs his fingers lightly along the scar across his nose, running his hand down until he reaches the rip on the side of his cheek. Neither scar healed well, both of them have gotten reopened several times. They keep getting deeper, more pronounced, more gruesome. He doesn't really care though. It's not enough punishment for a monster like him anyway.
He can still hear the faint ticking of the clock on his wall.
Yuji’s clock is still ticking.
Theirs are not.
He shuts the bathroom door gently, reaching for his toothbrush and paste. He stares at himself as he brushes his teeth, his mind entirely empty. He thinks of nothing as he washes his mouth out, grabbing the bottle of face wash. He looks at it for a moment, remembering how Nobara made him buy this brand in particular. She’d claimed it was what led to her perfect skin and refused to let Yuji use anything different.
He uses it when he has the time. He’s sure she’d be pleased to know he took her skincare tips to heart.
He leaves his bathroom, grabbing a black hoodie and black jeans. He pulls them on, absentmindedly listening once again to the ticks of his clock. He really hates listening to it sometimes.
He puts a watch on anyway.
4:25
4:45
Yuji sighs, deciding he can’t wait any longer. He hates sitting here thinking about that day. He pulls his sneakers on and grabs the bouquets, leaving his house and walking down the street.
Sometimes he calls Ijichi to drive him to places, but his destination isn’t far.
The cemetery he’s heading to is small and private. It’s pretty this time of year with all the falling leaves.
He walks in silence down the street, flowers clutched in his arms. He glances around, watching the wind carry the dying orange foliage gently to their new place of rest. He tilts his head, remembering how Nobara used to tell him he was dumb for liking fall the most out of all the seasons.
“Fall? That’s ridiculous. If you like it because it’s pretty, that's just stupid. Spring’s a thousand times prettier!”
Megumi rolled his eyes. “Maybe he just likes the weather.”
Yuji shrugged, grinning as he listened to the leaves crunching under his feet. “I dunno. I like all the colors and the weather, but I like the sounds the most. Listen to the crunchy leaves! Plus, Halloween! What season’s cooler than that?”
Nobara rolled her eyes, shoving his head. “Whatever, weirdo.”
Yuji walks along, looking away from the trees and keeping his eyes focused ahead of him. It should only take him another five minutes to get there. It’s eerily silent, but it’s also four thirty in the morning. He doesn’t mind the quiet though. He rather likes it. After so many months of listening to Sukuna in his brain, it’s nice to have real peace and quiet.
It’s nice to have his mind to himself again.
Not that he deserves it.
He tries not to think about anything as he walks, breathing in the smell of the roses he’s holding. It's a comforting, gentle scent. He doesn't like to think about why that is though.
Megumi smelled like roses.
"You use rose scented shampoo?" Nobara had asked him, examining a bottle.
Megumi snatched it away from her, rolling his eyes. "Gojo bought it for me as a kid and it's the only stuff that works well with my hair."
"That's why you smell so good all the time!" Yuji said, nodding. He paused, realizing that might be a weird thing to say. "I mean- I'm not smelling you, it's just-"
Nobara cut him off quickly, not wanting Yuji to embarrass himself around Megumi. "You do smell pretty good. I'm just surprised you do anything with your hair, I thought you just electrocuted yourself every morning to get that look."
"Shut up, asshole." Megumi scoffed, hiding his embarrassed blush beneath his turtleneck.
Yuji pushes open the gate to the cemetery, looking around the small area. Not many graves are there. It's a private cemetery, one of the few made for sorcerers. He's glad that his friends get to rest as who they are, instead of sitting in a normal grave as a lie forever.
He shuts the gate gently behind him, walking slowly through the little path. He takes a small turn, looking down at the gravestone in front of him.
KENTO NANAMI
1987-2018
First Grade Sorcerer
Your nurturing, steady presence will be missed
Yuji kneels down, setting the bouquet of yellow roses on the grass covering the body. "Nanamin..." He mumbles, staring at the grave. "I got you flowers. I've always seen yellow as a safe color. You always felt safe and reliable, y'know? Like no matter what happened, I could always go back to you. And you'd be there." He takes a shaky breath, brushing a bit of dirt off the stone. "It's kind of stupid to say it out loud now, I know. But it's true. I hope these flowers are bright enough that you can see them from heaven."
"Itadori." Kento said, looking the boy dead in the eyes.
"Yeah?" Yuji asked, looking up from his phone with a bright grin.
"I think I understand why your friends like you so much."
Yuji tilted his head, confused. "Why's that?"
"You're like the sun. No matter how cloudy it gets, you're always shining. Your light helps other people keep going." Kento said with a gentle smile, reaching over and patting his head.
Yuji smiled back at him, looking down at his hands. "Thanks, Nanamin."
"Thank you, Nanamin." Yuji murmurs under his breath as he stands up.
He looks down at the three other bouquets in his hands, continuing down on the path. He knows it well by now. He visits it quite a lot between missions.
He stops in front of a second grave, trying not to let his hands shake as he reads it.
NOBARA KUGISAKI
2002-2018
Third Grade Sorcerer
Your fiery passion will live on in our hearts
Yuji sits in front of the grave, looking at it for a long moment before gently laying the pink roses on top of it. "I hope I picked the right color for you." He says quietly. "I always thought you could pull of any color you wanted to, so I hope pink is one you don't mind." He plays with the hem of his sweatshirt, unable to look at the grave. "I'm so sorry, Nobara. If- if I was quicker you wouldn't be dead right now. I'm so sorry." He whispers, tears gathering in his eyes. "I know if you were here right now, you'd yell at me for even thinking that, but it's true. It's my fault you didn't get to live. I'm sorry." He says. "I- I'll never know why you cared about me. I'll never understand why someone as cool as you would ever want to be friends with someone like me. But I can't tell you how grateful I am that you did."
Yuji only half pays attention to the movie they're watching, despite Jennifer Lawrence being the star. He's far more interested with Nobara, who's sitting across from him on his bed painting his nails. She's been going over them with black and adding little white flowers to them, as per Yuji's request. She hadn't complained about having to add designs. Not even an eye roll.
"What's up with you tonight?" She asks, not taking her eyes off Yuji's nails. "You're not even watching the movie, and you begged me to watch this one with you."
Yuji smiled sheepishly, a bit embarrassed that she knew he was staring at her. "Ah, sorry. I'm just wondering why you wanted to paint my nails."
"You're my friend, dumbass. It's what friends do." Nobara replied simply.
Yuji didn't tell her how happy that made him feel. "...I'm glad we're friends."
"I am too. Now shut up and watch the movie."
Yuji wipes his eyes as he makes sure the roses look perfect. Just as Nobara would have liked them. "I got you pink roses because I- I really admired you, Nobara. You- you were far and away the coolest person I'll ever know. I'm so grateful for you."
He stands up, moving away from the grave quickly. He doesn't want to linger to long on any of them. He doesn't want his memories to come back. He's stuffed them away in a dark corner of his mind that he never wants to go to.
He knows it's only going to get worse for him, but it wouldn't be right to leave without giving his gifts to the other two.
He rounds another corner, stopping at a grave already adorned with flowers. He crouches down, not wanting to read the words etched on the stone. He knows what it says already.
SATORU GOJO
1989-2018
Special Grade Sorcerer
Rest in peace, Honored One
Yuji shakily places the bouquet of blue roses on the grave, his bottom lip trembling. "Hi Gojo-Sensei. It- it was pretty hard getting these for you, but I knew I wanted them. I- I think you'd like them." He doesn't even try to keep his voice steady. "Blue roses apparently mean mystery and specialness, and- and that's how I think of you. I never really understood you, and I- I don't think anyone could. But you loved everyone just the same. You were fun and kind and caring and strong and everything I wanted to be. You died for your students. You died and you believed in us. The days I spent at Jujutsu High as your student are the happiest of my life. You're- amazing."
Satoru passed Yuji a large back, grinning widely. "Yuuuji! I got you a present!"
Yuji smiled, digging through the bag excitedly. "Oooo! Candy! Thanks, Gojo-sensei!" He tears open the bag of hard candies his teacher had given him and immediately pops one into his mouth. "Why'd you get them for me though?" He asked.
"You deserve it, kid." Satoru said, his wide grin giving way to a softer smile. "You deserve the world. And I might not be able to give you that, but I'll give you whatever I can."
Yuji paused as he tossed another candy into his mouth. "I-" He stops, not really able to think of words to tell his teacher how happy that made him. He jumped forward, wrapping Satoru up in a bone-crushing hug. "You're awesome, sensei! Thanks!"
Satoru grins down at him, ruffling the boy's hair. "Whatever you need. I'm here for ya."
Yuji lets his tears fall, silently crying as memories hit him. "You're really amazing, Gojo-sensei." He says again, wiping his eyes and taking several deep breaths.
He stands up, almost stumbling, and moves along the path again. He looks down at the last group of roses in his hands, and nearly cries just from the sight of them.
It takes him almost no time at all to stop in front of the last grave he's visiting today.
MEGUMI FUSHIGURO
Second Grade Sorcerer
2002-2018
You did not deserve the fate you met
Yuji drops to his knees, staring at the inscription sitting on the gravestone. "You didn't deserve any of it. Megumi...Megumi you were perfect." He says, his breath catching in his throat. "Megumi..." He says again, repeating the name over and over again. "Do- do you remember when you got me these?" He asks, holding up the bouquet of white roses. He settles them down on the dirt, carefully leaning them up so the pale petals don't get covered in mud. "It was the best day of my life. It was our first kiss. When you told me you loved me. Megumi I- I love you. I love you so much. There's no one else that I care about as much as I care about you. And I know I'm never going to find someone I care about like you. You were the most incredible thing in my entire life and you still are and you always will be. Megumi- all you deserved was happiness. And you never got it."
Yuji wasn't really used to sitting in silence with another person. Sure, if they were watching or listening to something they'd be quiet, but just being with someone without actually saying anything wasn't something he did often. Silence made him a little uncomfortable sometimes. But when it was with Megumi, he didn't mind at all.
The feeling of Megumi's fingers looped in his hair. His face buried in the crook of Yuji's neck. His legs entwined with Yuji's. It was perfect. He didn't need to say anything. Neither of them did.
Yuji tilted his head down, just enough to be able to see Megumi's face clearer. He leaned over slightly, kissing the other boy's cheek. A faint smile pulled at Megumi's lips, and he kissed Yuji's neck in response.
The two of them sat there, wrapped around eachother. They said nothing. They fell asleep there together. For that time, that perfect time they spent together in Megumi's dorm, the whole world was still and silent.
The whole world had been perfect.
"I love you, Megumi. I love you so much." Yuji chokes out, sobs racking his body. He sits on his knees in front of that grave, weeping, for a long while.
5:30
5:45
He cries until his eyes dry up. He cries until everything numbs. It won’t stay numb for long. But he’s glad he gets those fleeting moments of nothing. It’s better to feel nothing. He wants to feel nothing.
It takes Yuji a long time to allow himself to leave the graveyard. He’s staggering when he closes the gate behind him. He’s barely able to see through his blurred eyes. He knew the trip would be hard, but everything feels wrong. They’re dead and he lives. It was never supposed to be like that. He was always supposed to die first. He should have died first.
He looks down at his watch, ignoring the sounds of the slowly waking world and listening to it tick through his time.
6:00
6:01
Yuji finds himself staring at his watch for longer than he should.
Yuji’s clock is still ticking.
Theirs are not.